Disclaimers:

Chuck: I have watched some Western Conferences games this year, but those 10pm start times are killers. My predictions are based off:  the games I HAVE watch; NHL Network, what I’ve read about the teams, and Ms. Cleo.

Pants: I need to be honest here for a second. Can I vote for the Oilers? No? Then I don’t know anything about the West. I will predict – I may even have emotions – but everything I think about the Western Conf. is learned from reading other predictions or the final NHL standings. Basically, I am cheating off all your tests.

western conference

Blues vs. Wild

Chuck: Blues. But maybe the Wild?  Wild have been the best team in the NHL since January and the exceptional play of Devan Dubnyk has carried them through, but the Blues have a sniper in Tarasenko and a deep corps of forwards and defenseman. This one is a conundrum, for sure.

Pants: Blues. They always seem to be giving my teams a hard time, so this year will be not different. Also, BORT’S BEARD! I needs it.

Lindsay’s favorite photo.

Predators vs. Blackhawks

Chuck: Predators. I’m going out on a limb for this one but just hear me out. Preds’ defensemen make an in so many ways and Weber and Josi are a stellar 1-2 punch. James Neal, when he is in the zone, can score goals that other guys just can’t. Hawks’ defense has been meh of late and Crawford can’t do it without good players in front of him.

Pants: Probably the Predators, because they’ve been rock solid all season. Also, I have Gingerbeard withdrawal something fierce. The Hawks have had their ups-and-downs, though they are getting Patrick Kane back right on cue to make me eat these words.

Ducks vs. Jets

Chuck: Ducks.  Ducks has strength on pretty much all four lines and if their forechecking is on point, they are probably one of the best in the league. Paul Maurice has changed slowly changed the identity and culture of the Jets but they aren’t quite there…yet.  But I wouldn’t be mad at ALL if the Jets pulled this upset off.

Pants: Ducks. If you’ve never watched Bruce Boudreau coach, please take this opportunity. If he was an iso-cam feed during games, I would never need to see the ice.

Canucks vs. Flames

Chuck: Flames. I don’t have a dog in this fight since the Bruins are out so I am looking for a team to adopt.  Maybe the Flames are it. So what that they haven’t won a playoff round since 2004 (when the lost in the SCF)?  Great coach in Bob Hartley, a hugely successful powerplay and their ability to win without Giordano might make the Flames a dark horse.

Pants: When I go to horse races, I bet on whichever horse has the best drag queen name. (So far, Surly Temple is the all-time favorite.) So when I say I can’t pick a team in this series, know how deeply and truly I do not care. I seem to have a lot of Canuck fan friends though, and I wish them well.

Comment below and let us know your predictions.  Who’s your dark horse team?

Canada: Using Democracy for Real Things!

The result probably surprised no one except Evander Kane, who retaliated with a sweatpants-based protest, subsequent injury and trade. There’s only room for one “Hottest Jet,” honey:

Foxy Friday: Ondrej Pavelec

You’d rock this vote.

(Thanks for @Kailz_H for the suggestion! Twitter won’t let me scroll back to last Thursday, which is a nice way of telling us we talk too much.)

Now, if I said “Ondrej Pavelec,” most people would say “Bless you.” Some hockey fans might say, “That goalie who fainted?” That is true – Pavelec fainted in-game against Washington back in 2010, while playing for the Thrashers. He suffered a concussion upon hitting the ice, but it was diagnosed as a fainting spell, and not career-threatening. The story goes he woke up in the hospital and asked about the score (Atlanta won).

If you think he looks a bit like #TeamEbs, I say you’re right. He bears a more-than-passing though less-than-gapped resemblance to another blue-eye Western Conference Foxy Friday selection.

Though I doubt Ebs could pull off this Eurohipster disguise:

What’s that about a beard? Oh, you said, “YES?”

Or were you referring to this hat?

Ondrek is Czech, from the same region (Kladno District) as Michael Frolik, Jaromir Jagr, Tomas Plekanec, Jiri Sekac, Jiri Tlusty, and Jakub Voracek.  Not bad for an area roughly 275 square miles.  They are all best friends and they love each other and do sports.

Note the plaid shorts, a worldwide phenomenon.  While jeans like this are only available in Europe and Russia through The Ovechkin Collection:

This is about our limit for distressing on “These old thing?” brand new designer jeans.

Pavelec has played 324 NHL games over 7+ seasons. His current  2.60 GAA is a career best, though his top yeAdd Mediaar was ’11-’12, in which he won 29 games. The Jets are currently 4th in the tough Central Division with 73 points, and would be Wild Card spot #1 if the playoffs began today. (Warning: Stats from Thursday, because Friday has a ‘no math’ policy.)

Ondrej is in the third year of a five-year/$19.5 mill contract that leaves him UFA in 2017.

My favorite thing about the Winnipeg Jets website is that you can misspell Pavelec as Pavalec and still get 40 photo results. It’s nice to know mine are not the only fat fingers in the business.

The Jets have a program called Reading Takes Flight where players visit schools and read them a children’s book about the Jets. Here’s the full photo gallery, feel free to stop when you get teary-eyed.

Ondrej has been on a lot of Czech talk shows, which you can find on youTube. You won’t know what they’re saying, but hey, Foxy Friday isn’t really about that.  Here’s an interview from before this season began, featuring English and our beloved beard-plus-hoodie combination:

Since he knows we love part time models, Ondrej starred in possibly the oddest (and longest) hockey player TV ad I’ve ever seen. The sign says “Hi, my name is Ondrej Pavelec,” but that is false. You might be Pavelec’s belt buckle, though I am pretty sure you are not Ondrej at all. If you had his face, you’d use it.

Ondrej does not have a Twitter, so you’ll have to go to a game and ask him out with a sign like the old days. In the meantime, you can follow his goalie pads (they lead a full life) at @pavelecspads.

Happy Friday!

Pass The Mic – Episode 7

They’re singing Frozen.

Or they’re trying, before dissolving into giggles.  This is how I imagine the in-theater Frozen sing-alongs went, if you could hear anyone else over my Oscar-winning performance.

“THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAAAAAAAAAAAY!”

Sadly, Zach Bogosian declines to serenade us with a Luke Bryan song, mostly because he can’t hold a note and that bicep flex at the same time.

Shirt by Saran Wrap.

Now I don’t know who any of these other guys are, and they are having none of Jacob Trouba on the microphone, but maybe it’s time to watch a Jets game.

Mark Stuart likes the 80s and 90s… probably because he’s Sean William Scott wearing a shoe polish beard.  Right?  Stifler can skate, we saw Goon.

Think about it – have you seen Seann William Scott lately?

Since no one else wants to sing, let’s go back to this:

Trouba and  Scheifele.  High School Musical.  Pitch Perfect.  How to get invited to the WUYS Prom.

Winnipeg makes a different player host each episode of Pass The Mic – a genius idea. So many possibilities for awkwardness and jockstrap backgrounds.

You can watch the rest starting with Episode 1, hosted by Tight Shirt Bogosian himself and discussing Movember mustaches – with Stifler, again.

Right? I am right.

Lots of teams visiting the Caps stay at the hotel next to my office.  It’s prime territory for an awkward lunch-break encounter with hockey players that no one else recognizes.  One day last year, Gator and I ran into a handful of the Winnipeg Jets.  By ‘ran into,’ I mean ‘stop talking up the whole sidewalk boys, this isn’t Sex and the City.’  But big strapping guys always turn heads, even if that makes it hard to dodge traffic or mind the curb.

Probably not Jets, but I can’t always tell.

We made it around the corner alive (and silent, for extra weirdness) and immediately both said, “Who was that guy?”  Obviously there’s a flaw in my facial recognition software, or I just don’t get to Winnipeg often enough to update the database.  I recognized former Cap Eric Fehr, but it was this guy that nearly sent Gator headfirst into a No Parking sign.

Foxy Friday: Zach Bogosian

Well, hello.  Zach is 22 and from Massena, NY.  There’s the Upstate NY that I represent, then there’s this.  Way to Upstate like you mean it, Bogo.

He was drafted third overall in 2008, and we must say the company is pretty foxy (now, not then).  It shouldn’t have taken us so long to get to Zach.

Especially because he’s got a Shea Weber/Skeet Ulrich/Jim from the Office thing going on.  Right?  He looks a little bit like an actual fox, in gorgeous real-life human form.  No question what his Patronus would be.

At 6’3″, 215 pounds, Zach is a physical defenseman with a scoring touch.  He’s hit the 10-goal mark once, and last season had a career-high 30 points (for my fantasy team, thanks).  This, the last year of his contract, should have paid him $3 million.  Sadly he’s making less that I am these days.

We think he’d be a hit at other sports, at least among the fans.

Golf Instructor – Meet us on the Ladies’ Tee.

Nature Guide –  We’d pay extra to watch him row.

Swim Class…

… because eventually there’s talking, and that’s where Ryan Lochte loses us.

Remember, if you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.  

While the lockout hurts everyone, Zach is one of the few players whose season is not (yet) affected.  He underwent surgery on August 31 to repair a torn ligament in his right wrist, an injury cited as “chronic” by team doctors.  The procedure was successful, but he was projected to miss 3 months (if not 4-6) in recovery.

At the rate we’re going, he might get back for Opening Night.

When he’s not busy bringing joy to the hearts of Winnipeg fans who waited so long for their team’s return, Zach really enjoys hunting.

In onesie invisibility cloaks.

His dog Tuck (peeking out of the corner there) is his superhero sidekick – complete with YouTube videos [link]. See above in the boat, and…

If you don’t love a guy who loves his dog, we don’t even know you anymore.

Tuck has the league-leading GAA.

This action shot demonstrates that Bogo also loves to Tweet (@Bogogo_44) and Instagram (zachbogosian_44).  Both activities require a lot of arm muscles.

He’s snarky too, which earns high-level foxy security clearance.

Really, he’s just like us… with more bicep.

 Changed his number (4 to 44), changed his Twitter handle.

If we can’t have hockey, at least we can hope Zach still Tweets some of our favorite winter activities, like Movember:

Scarves:

And the insistence that his eyebrows are naturally this shape.  It’s as true as it is tragically unfair. (Note: RNH still holds the title.)

Down here at the bottom of the post, we reward you with workout videos:

And just as you’re feeling the gaping void hockey has left in your life, a video of Zach cracking up laughing.  Happy Friday.

Buffalo has been giving Caps fans heartburn for the last few months – I hurt the most for their fans because it was nearly us in their place.  A ton of respect to this team for the way they played in the last half of the season.

Winnipeg, the most excited place in the League, put on a good show and will benefit from realignment this summer.

Tampa Bay… I can’t talk about it.  Not seeing Stamkos and St. Louis in the playoffs after their ferocious post-season performance last year just guts me.  Stamkos for 60 would make it a little better.

Carolina struggled so massively in the first half, I hope they feel some accomplishment in getting where they did.  Intern Jeff Skinner can even have a few days off.

Bless Toronto and Montreal fans – they get angry but they never, ever give up.  Even when their teams don’t win, the passion of their fans make me jealous.

The Islanders have some blinding talent, I think they’re on the upswing.  They’ll have more to cheer about soon.

Bonus points for Sign Guy.

If your team didn’t make the playoffs, we’re sorry.  Enjoy the drama of the post-season without wanting to throw up over every goal, or adopt a team that would be happy to have your support.  Summer’s not that long, and there’s always next year.  Hockey fans never say die.

Western Conference, you’re coming up.

I’ve mentioned this before how apoplectic Mr. Cherrie goes when ever Brett Hull get’s mentioned. Now it went full tilt when this came up and he posted the following photo because he’s now jumped on the twitter bandwagon and has been taunting Buffalo fans about the 1999 Stanley cup game. Now Buffalo fans – discuss.

if you know you cheated, do you rub it in?

There is definitely one less lonely girl if this ain't irony

I want to go to this Halloween party - where ever it is ...

Attention Chuck: Colin Wilson is playing in this golf tournament.  I’m just saying that Lindsay probably needs someone to drive her getaway car(t).