Whatever you expected from a Patrick Kane party, you were underestimating.

SWEDES, you have passed us!! (photo by @jstefanc)

Police barricades can’t stop this cute at the Hawks parade. (also by @jstefanc)

Drunk Toews getting off the drunk bus by holding onto the stripper pole.

Kaner letting a guy with this mustache get all up on his trunk.

Corey Crawford, heavyweight f-bomb champion of the day.

Patrick Kane doing exactly that I’d do with the Cup AGAIN – take it to see Jimmy Buffett and Mac McAnally!

All these people who had more fun than we did on Friday.

Babies with the Cup.

And finally, this photo of Viktor Stalberg’s girlfriend that explains life, the universe and everything.

We’re with you, honey.

credit: sportsmockery

I’m sure Chuck will do a post about the Bruins when she’s ready.  For now we send her and our other Bruins fan friends love.  We’ve all had teams lose before, but not everyone’s team has lost in the Cup Final.  Mine has.  It’s worse than anything.  So even if you hate the Bruins, hug a Bruins fan today.

Since hockey stops for no one, here are a few of my thoughts on last night’s game.  I promise to be gentle.

Blackhawks Win

I’m so happy for them.  If you’re around here a lot you know I like the Hawks quite a bit – they’re my Western Conference team and rank #3 among my hockey favorites.

That said, holy shit do I wish last night had been the Penguins.  Or the Capitals.  In that order.  You can bet your socks I would have run screaming through my neighborhood, onto the highway and not stopped until I reached whatever city my team was hoisting the Cup in.  Watching another team win is like watching someone else get in your boyfriend’s car and drive off.  Even if you like the girl.  That’s YOUR prize.

Speaking of prizes… almost!

So while I enjoyed last night’s win – and predictably burst into tears at the final buzzer – it wasn’t quite everything it could have been for me.

Plenty of everything for these folks.

For our Hawks fan friends – congratulations.  You, Chuck and I all know what that feels like from recent years.  Enjoy it.

The Bruins

Chuck will surely say something eloquent and heartfelt about her team and how proud she is.  Let me, who does not like the Bruins at all (not even a little), say this: Well done.  I wouldn’t hate you if you weren’t worth hating, and for that you must be good and strong and fast and so fucking frustrating.  You deserved to be in the Final and you earned my renewed hatred with some incredible hockey.

Patrice Bergeron – You, sir, can stay.  You can be Chuck’s boyfriend anytime.  Playing Game 6 with a broken rib, torn cartilage and a separated shoulder, no tape or stitches – that’s holding it together with your heart.  I am not sitting with Marchand at the wedding, though.  Put me between Seguin and the bar.

The Blackhawks

You guys know I get the Crosby-level prideweep over Jonathan Toews.  Back in April 2012, I wrote:

 If I were ever on a sinking ship, I’d want to look across the deck and see Jonathan Toews in charge of the lifeboats because you know everyone is getting to safety in a single file line holding their toothbrush and enough money to call home. [link]

Still true.  Toews has the heart of a lion and apparently… a sense of humor.  No! Stop!  Okay, dance.

Puck Daddy: Toews does the Moonwalk

from sheercompulsion.tumblr.com

If you were writing this for a sports movie, Andrew Shaw would take a puck to the face and bleed through the whole game.  A rivulet of blood would trickle down his cheek as he lifted the Cup.  I hope your movie was Rated R for how many f-bombs Shawzer dropped on national TV.

Last but not least, Kaner with the Conn Smythe.  Do you agree?   What about Crawford?  I could (and did) argue both ways.  Who cares, since they got the Cup?  Patrick Kane, pride of Upstate NY.  We’re going to see this mullet every year in the playoffs now – it’s a powerful weapon.

In the playoffs there are heroes everywhere.  Gregory Campbell.  Brian Bickell.  Everyone did their part.  Congratulations to the Blackhawks on their win.  Congratulations to the Bruins for doing what 28 other teams could not do.

Now summer is here – thank heaven for all the very attractive Cup celebration photos coming our way.

Is it October yet?

Here’s the story from NHL.com.  The Hawks were the Hawks in Game 1, winning 4-1 over Detroit.  Then a Freaky Friday (though it was Saturday) body-switching catastrophe happened and the Wings were suddenly the Hawks in Game 2.

Game 3 tonight.  Recently benched Stalberg and Handzus will play.  Why were they benched?  Coach Q’s mustache said it was to make room for Dave Bolland [story] but apparently told Viktor it was performance-related.  Once again proving the NHL is not a beauty pageant, no matter what this blog looks like.

Speaking of which, Jonathan Toews still has NO playoffs goals which you know is making him Captain Crazy.  Let’s hope Chicago’s back to form tonight, despite the radiant perfection of the Zetterbeard.  They have some radiant perfection of their own we’d like to see smiling.

Not now, girls.

 Er, we may be feeling warmer and fuzzier and playoff-ier…

Seriously!  Hold it together.

Then someone says:

from NBC Chicago

OKAY, WE LOVE YOU AGAIN!

So much for being cool.

He should’ve known better.

Five outdoor games have been announced for next season, including Penguins/Blackhawks at Soldier Field, Chicago on March 1, 2014.

Also known as:

Or was it…

The show ain’t called Chicago for nothing.

Whatever they call it, we’re going.  You’re invited.  Get started now.

 Don’t forget to pack your:

Because this trip is:

Apparently this is all still being finalized.  Good luck with that, because you already yelled fire in a crowded room.

You’re well-dressed… till Patrick Sharp walks by.  Feeling reliably heroic… then you see Jonathan Toews.  Rugged?  Try Viktor Stalberg.  Good hair day? Ruined by Brent Seabrook.  You can’t even walk a dog without being upstaged by Duncan Keith and forget being adorable with Joey the Junior Reporter around.

But if you’re Patrick Kane, you can still have the prettiest pass in town.

No-look, cross-ice backhand to the wide-open top scorer for the OT winner? Stunned.  The Stars commentators are stunned.

Time for Jess’ favorite thing: a Patrick Kane Flying Hug.

The Hawks are off to a 4-0 running start, led by Kane’s 7 points.  I know it’s only 4 games, but PK’s play demonstrates what teams were hoping (praying) to see from guys who went overseas during the lockout.  No rust.  Solid conditioning.  Sharp passing, good rhythm and raising the play of everyone else on the ice.

Check out this 3-on-nobody the other night.  Goalies wake up sweating in the middle of the night thinking about things like this:

Cue another Patrick Kane Flying Hug.

At their home opener, the Hawks did one of those red carpet player entrances. These events apparently don’t require approval by the US Occupational Health and Safety Administration.  Tell me the velvet rope creates a safe distance here:

Patrick Kane, feeling like a boss until…

Patrick Sharp, Life Ruiner arrives.  Only to be outdone by:

Check out this sneaky beauty of a Stalberg goal.

Do you think Jamal Mayers…

… and Dave Bolland were mad they wore the same suit, like Kelly & Brenda at the original 90210 prom?

In the end, it doesn’t matter.  It never does.  Everyone’s strutting their stuff, feeling the love until this jerk swaggers in.

He doesn’t even try.

And he doesn’t stop.

Until it’s back to the ice, where someone else might stand a chance.

.gif by michaeldelzotto.tumblr.com

From facebook.com/hockeymemepage

The last game I went to was a Caps playoff win and, as I said at the time [link], “officially the most fun I’ve ever had at a hockey game.”  The one before that, also playoffs, I dragged Gator out of bed at 7 AM on a Saturday like I knew something amazing was going to happen.  Then Mike Green scored the GWG.

If this is it, I ended on a high note.  Now I can look back at a few things I’ll take with me when we go.

Pants’ Favorite WUYS Moments (old and new)

The first picture I ever posted of Mike Green.  In the 2+ years since this post, our fandom relationship has had enough ups + downs to qualify as chick lit.

The Crosby Comeback (Part I).  Of all the things I could say about Sid – Where are you supposed to look when you look at him?  No place is safe! –  I love how excited I was for his return [link] and that it was a hundred times better in real life. [link]

The way these girls are looking at Jordan Eberle.  You can substitute another player (I wouldn’t) and some full-size chairs, but that’s us.

The James Neal shootout goal that named the Nealmobile.  It was the start of something.  I’m sure you can hear us in the screaming.

The blinding perfection of Steven Stamkos.  Also how high he can jump.  I don’t run away from just anyone in the street.

In Vegas, Intern Jeff Skinner won the Calder Trophy (even though I was rooting for Couture).  This is one of my all-time favorite posts.

The Toewsface. There are so many, each perfect in its own way.  Each one judging you.  Never mind the body it’s attached to.

Camp Biological Clock Biosteel.  And the start of this video where Nealer and Seguin check themselves out in the mirror.

Viktor Stalberg and Andrew Shaw show off their not-so-secret identities. Bless the girl who talks them out of their shirts in under two minutes, teach us your Jedi mind tricks [link].

My fondness for gingers hit a new high/low, depending on how you feel about Claude Giroux. [link]  You ought to be corrupted by now.

Speaking of: if you Google “hockey plaid suits,” we are 2 of the top 5 results.

Then I admitted that I love Danny Briere, right around the time he had to stand on a box to be interviewed. [link]

Gabe Landeskog discovered Instagram & Twitter, could not find a shirt. [link]

When Chuck’s team won it all, and I was really happy for her. [link]

Then my team won Pants vs. Chuck and I was really happy for myself. [link]  Now we actively hate each other’s teams, which makes this all more fun.

Finally I was convinced about Tyler Seguin [link], and Chuck managed to hold herself together. [link]

I didn’t do so badly myself, thanks. (Except for that Stamkos thing.) [link]

My one regret will be if I don’t see another Penguins game.  I’ve forgiven but not forgotten the end of last season, and I’d prefer to wash it from my mind with champagne poured from the Cup.  God, I was so angry at them [link]!  We all need a mulligan sometimes.

My feelings can be summed up by Nike Hockey’s new ad campaign.  What are you going to do, take away my Stamkos?  Sure they’re talking about the lockout, but they could be talking about the apocalypse.  Wherever we end up when this is over, I hope there’s hockey.  And Stammer.  Then cold is okay too.

Because #hockeyisours.

Mostly I hope you’ve had fun with us over the last 2 years.  I love this place and every hilarious, inappropriate, hockey-loving member of this little family.

And if the world doesn’t end tomorrow, you know what that means…

FOXY-POCALYPSE FRIDAY.

Can’t hear over the sound of Viktor Stalberg’s perfection anyway.

Go ahead and watch it in full screen glory.  The light from the camera gets a little warm toward the middle, I think.  This director should tell Viktor he can take off the hat/parka/anything else he feels like.

His eyelashes are so long they make shadows.  Jeeeeeeeeeez.

Viktor has played 4 games for HC Atlant, and has two assists and a +2 rating.  No reports on what was happening with his hair.

Metric system, I would enjoy whatever number I weigh if Viktor’s tipping the scales at 95.  Especially if he’s 191 tall.

This Friday is looking pretty Foxy after all, eh?

Of course it’s Piglet.  He looks pretty fond of Ms. Pink Recorder-And-Mani combo too.  Or maybe he’s just happy with himself for having 5 goals and 5 assists in his last 4 games for Dynamo Moscow.

This, this, a thousand times this. [and as a gif]

Backstrom had two goals yesterday, including the one below.  Please note that I will pirate the dance showcased at the :32 mark as my own future Nicky goal celebration, if they Caps ever unbreak my heart.

Last week, Nick had a hatty.  Karaoke your own commentary on this one.

Ovi has a recent OT GWG and 3 assists, for a total of 19 points in 18 games, and Dynamo holds the overall KHL lead.

You can very helpfully follow @KHL_Hockey for English-language updates on all the teams, and they’ve got a full English website too – en.khl.ru.  My goodness, a hockey league that seems to appreciate their fans. What will they think of next?

BINGO – Viktor Stalberg has left the Swedish Elite League to play for KHL’s Atlant Moscow [link] – @HCAtlant.  And the team is Tweeting like, well, we would if he turned up at our office.

Yes, even in that hat.

Definitely a part of our interview process:

He’ll make his debut today vs. Jakoub Voracek’s team Lev Praha (Czech Republic).  If I see a link to the live stream, I’ll Tweet it.

Tampa Bay’s Victor Hedman, who is not photographed often enough, assisted on all three goals for Barys Astana in their most recentwin.  He also apparently gets mistaken for Tom Brady in the US [link].  We can kinda see it.

And just because it exists, here are 9 1/2 minutes of Gabe speaking Swedish (where he’s playing).  The Swedes must reinforce their electronics because this shit would melt my flat-screen right off the wall.

If our office has security cameras, it would be worth it to get the footage of my reaction to this picture.  It resembled being electrocuted.

Somewhere, Mike Green is depressed.  He hates it when Nicky goes out with better looking guys.

Deb (@DLF1021), I am buying so many beers at our Flyers game that you’ll be climbing over the glass.  Thank you for making my day, and stopping all work.

I posted a photo of this, but that is not even close to the proper pedestal on which it should be elevated in the WUYS Hall of Fame:

Foxy Friday x Infinity

Between hiccups of hysterical laughter, I was thinking:

Patrick Kane looks frighteningly attractive here, in yet another all-American polo shirt.  Dan Carcillo has the same haircut as a ragamuffin orphan in a Disney live-action musical.  Which is to say no haircut at all.

Team Tightpants on the other side of the stage… well, there’s no question why the girl comedian got that squad.

It takes her LESS THAN TWO MINUTES to make this happen:

Did you get all of that?

(.gifs by ladds.tumblr.com)

Look at her.  She can’t believe that worked!  Her equilibrium is shot – she’ll stumble every time she hears the word “Superman” for the rest of her life.

We were three buttons from a Magic Mike Tribute.  She’s a hero.

While you technically cannot repeat as a Foxy Friday, we do recounts for stunts like this.  Get that message out to everyone already featured.  We accept bribes of the brawny variety.

These pictures are from all over the place.  If they’re yours, we’d love to hug/credit you!  More photo fun shortly – I have to at these pretend I’m working today.

Unless this photo causes the end of the interwebs.

Oh yeah. It was nice knowing you.

Ladies, don’t worry.  Sweden never lets us down.

No really, they help everybody.

We would much rather see this face in the playoffs, but I’m coping much better with the Blackhawks off-season by knowing that Viktor Stalberg must have a cameo in Marvel’s The Avengers.  I bet he’s defeating evil and restoring justice to a world where everyone has access to whitening toothpaste.

Sigh.  Superheros are so hot right now.

Amen and thank you, Brittany. (@kneesandtoews)

Check out which of your favorite NHL players have joined their national teams for the IIHF World Championships here.  The tournament competition starts May 4 and you can follow it here.

Whatever you’re doing right now, it’s not as much fun as watching Viktor Stalberg speak Swedish [video].  I need him (or Hammer, below) to teach me to correctly pronounce all the names in The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest.

"Toes the Day? I don't get it."

I do go on about Tazer, particularly the game seven-tying goal against Vancouver in the first round last year.  I can’t help it if he scores this by sheer force of will!  The Blackhawks didn’t even win, but aside from Parise’s gold medal game-tying goal, I can’t remember being so impressed in a losing effort.

The Hawks and Coyotes went to OT for the fifth straight game last night, tying the NHL record [link].  Between the stress and the lack of sleep these games are causing, I may need to be hospitalized for exhaustion.  If you fell asleep before the game-winning goal, well…

Hold on, Pants is going to post this.

This goal is not the singular heroic physical effort of last year, but it finds the back of the net because Toews has patience.  Two strides, one look, puck in the net.  Game six in Chicago on Monday night.

The moral of the story is: never, ever count Jonathan Toews out.  Sometimes he just seems to decide the Hawks won’t lose [post-game interview].  Of all the current NHL captains, he’s the one I’d want for my team – or my ship.

Side note: Stalberggeddon

Viktor Stalberg, WTF?  He took all four of the Hawks penalties last night.  Luckily the only thing worse than Stalberg’s game was the Phoenix power play, and it didn’t cost Chicago any goals.  The Hawks are short-handed up front in the absence of Marian Hossa, but I was still surprised to see Quenville putting Stalberg back out there every few shifts.  Luckily he got the sole assist on the Toews OT goal. Stalberg had 10 points in the last 12 regular-season games and the Hawks could really use that now.  Come on, Foxy Friday!

It sounds like bells.

Larger version of this photo, probably NSFW (unless you work at WUYS) – link.

The Blackhawks don’t have a game tonight, so maybe Stalberg’s just got the day off.  Lindsay dumped her whole wallet into a wishing well somewhere to be sure.  Since there’s nothing else to report, enjoy this.

The Wings have only 3 home losses this season, the last one on November 3. They’re #1 overall with 80 points, just a step ahead of the NYR (79).  And makes Gator feel like…

I think I see an octopus!

Then there’s the Chicago Blackhawks 9-game winless streak (8 regulation losses, 1 OT loss).  The extended road trip has earned 1 point in 7 games, all losses against Western Conference teams.  They’ve been outscored 38-17 and still have to visit NYR and Columbus.

Currently 6th in the West, this isn’t the end of the Blackhawks world. Because the ship can’t sink, right?  The Central Divison is by far the strongest in the West (damn you, Detroit!) and hey, 65 points would put you first in the Southeast (yes Caps, I’m talking to you).  But there’s a skid and then there’s…

Women and Joey the Junior Reporter into the lifeboats!

It’s too depressing to listen to them talk.  The only things that could possibly make us feel even a little better are Viktor Stalberg’s eyelashes.

Does he have to always look like he just woke up?  Ridiculous interview video link.  And another ridiculous video:

(Pants Note: We had a Titanic 3D event last night.  Forgive us.)

Only Toews' scars would line up perfectly.

But the real story was Viktor Stalberg’s hat trick.  The first goal (Kane and Toews to Stalberg) made us a little weak in the knees.  Could that be better-looking than the Kane-Toews-Sharp line?  We need #10 back to try Stalberg-Toews-Sharp.  The Earth may not survive that impact, but it’s worth a shot.

Only Jan. 10 and they're making a bid for Derp of the Year.

Stalberg completed his hat trick with an empty-netter and the Hawks won 5-2.  Viktor has 12 goals this season – 7 of those against Columbus.  In just 3 games.  As if the Jackets weren’t having a tough enough time.

All the goals [video] and Stalberg’s post-game interview [video].

He smiled at the puck and it fainted right into the net.

While the Blackhawks are arguably the best-looking team in the NHL, they also have a penchant for the best-looking girls.  If you don’t watch them a lot, you’re probably not familiar with the intermission puck shot contest.  It’s the typical “fan shoots from center ice” game, but the contestants are ALWAYS a man, a kid and a blond.  A hot blond in boots.  I can’t remember if I’ve ever even see a hot brunette try the shot.  Maybe the Hawks already hired them all:

For those of you who follow other teams, who else does this?  I know a lot of teams have Ice Girls, but I think the Hawks girls wear the smallest outfits.  In DC, it’s old guys in track suits.  In Anaheim at least the girls wear pants.  Anyone else? I find it hilarious.  It’s like TV Timeout Vegas every night at the Madhouse.

(For the record, I’d do it.  Sign me up.  Nothing at all against Ice Girls, cheerleaders, etc.  Except that they look good and I’d definitely fall on my ass.)

Joey asking his father Jonathan if he’s been “naughty or nice.”

Why do we look so much alike?

And telling Coach Q that “sometimes when you’re coaching I can read your lips.”

Your mustache is beautiful.

And Kaner, he loves to hug.

Bring it in.

Okay, I’ll stop. You can watch it for yourself.

Bonus: The Blackhawks topped the Blue Jackets 4-1 last night, and Foxy Friday Viktor Stalberg had two goals and was First Star.  We sure know how to pick ’em!  You can see a post-game interview here, and spendit wondering why boys always have the longest eyelashes.

Not fair.

You know what time it is…

Foxy Swedish Hockey Player Time.

Oh...hai there. You're pretty.

Two weeks in a row with the Swedish guys.  Totally un-intentional but hey, we work with what we got.

There are oh so many reasons why #25 deserves this honor (the use of the letter Å definitely being one of them) but here are some of the others…

He’s 25 years old, 6’3″, 209 lbs solid.

It's real serious up underneath this t-shirt.

In back to back games on the 29th and 31st of October, he scored the game-winning goal.  He’s 5th in the league in GWG.

ABBA Dance Party!

Played 3 years at the University of Vermont – same school that has produced some other okay hockey players.  Martin St. Louis?  Tim Thomas?  Ever heard of them?

Favorite player growing up?  Fellow Swede Mats Sundin.

There’s not many who can pull off the beanie.  Or the cowl neck sweater. 

But Baby...it's cold outside.

His hair is almost as awesome as Henrik Lundqvist’s.  But he’s still young.  He has plenty of time to learn HL’s Jedi ways.

The Force is strong with this one.

Oh and he has two younger brothers – Alexander and Sebastian, who happens to play for the University of Vermont.

Plenty of Stålbergs to go around.

How do we feel about that?