When I saw this:

My first thought was:

Then my interfriends kindly informed me this was from a commercial – an actual mini movie – in which other such ovary-punching moments are included.

What was that you said?

Yeah, that’s what I heard.

Lindsay’s expert analysis of this photo: “The lighting is all 90’s, reminds me of The Cutting Edge.”

If Sid scraps the scuff, he could be Doug Dorsey for Halloween.

Sportsnet always has good hockey content (compared to the US, who doesn’t?), and I love their new campaign. Apparently the players love it too – and they don’t want to leave.

These are all things Intern Jeff Skinner thought he’d be doing when he signed up to work at WUYS.

Throwing away Penguins and Bruins-looking hockey paraphenalia, pretending it smells.

Ping pong and video games, while growing his hair out. Can you see the promise of a man-bun lurking here? Headman and Doughty are one real opponent away from asking to borrow a hair tie. (And being told no, because no.)

Fixing things with athletic tape – Jeff actually does this, though we requier duct tape because we have standards and you can buy duct tape with Minions or Justin Beiber printed on it. If he could roll some duct tape into a hair tie, we might concede the man-bun.

Eating french fries. As if there are any fries left when Intern Jeff finishes getting our lunches. He’s on a strict diet of orange slices and Capri Sun like the rest of the kids on his school bus. Plus, Tyler Seguin eats fries like he’s asking Leonardo DiCaprio to draw his nude portrait in Titanic. That is how you get us to share our floating door in the North Sea, friends.

Napping. We don’t let Intern Jeff sleep on the job, but we will let him carry in the new couch we just ordered in case Crosby ever shows up here. And none of this standard-cushion-size stuff, we went for the oversize, extra-sturdy, big & tall model. Cros can hardly fit his backside on SportsNet’s little sofa.

(Bonus: Unintentional slightly early screencap that defines my life.)

Hey, if that doesn’t work out for Intern Jeff Skinner, he could always get  gig helping out at Sportsnet:

Here’s some BTS from what look like a lot more Sportsnet commercials yet to come…

Behind-the-scenes, we like to put hockey's brightest stars like @RealStamkos91, @dewyy8 and @ErikKarlsson65 to work. https://t.co/8eel944LY3

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) September 21, 2015

Trust that if ever Crosby doesn’t look sweaty enough for something, this is not how we’re going to fix it:

One more, to illustrate me trying to leave my desk today when people keep sending more things to blog about:

The #NHL's #BrightestStars have the on-ice skills down, but we're still working on their acting chops. #outtakes https://t.co/M9YCgpzVw5

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) October 1, 2015

Bear with us as I have no idea how to use some new WordPress features and these pictures look a little drunk.

For two solid weeks in February, you’re invited to our party.

Okay, it’s probably going to look more like this:

But the guest list is epic.  It’s  comprised of every Olympic snub – and there are some bold-faced names here.  To make sure our party lives up to the Russian’s, we’ve put our guests in charge of bringing a few key ingredients.  Consider it a gift registry without the wedding, and you don’t have to travel 16,000 miles to get to this reception.

Beer: Staal Brothers

It was a long shot for Jordan to make it, but we expected Eric to be defending Canada’s honor.  Since he can’t do it in Russia, he’ll make sure we do it here. They’ll book the jet they chartered home to Thunder Bay for Christmas, load it up and land it close.  Hope you guys like Labatts, Molson and sod because that’s all they’re bringing.

Liquor (except vodka): James Neal

Beer isn’t going to cut it for Nealmobile.  Neither, apparently, are more assists than Rick Nash has points, plus 16 goals, in fewer games.  Or better numbers since 2008.  No doubt James’ recent on-ice immaturity played a part, but growing up will have to come later.  For this we need to break out the (you thought I was going to say ‘big guns,’ right?) good stuff, skip the shot glasses and just go for it.  (He can bring his regular glasses, though.)

Vodka (and lots of it): Alex Semin

I don’t like Sasha – didn’t like him on the Caps, don’t care about him now – but getting left off the roster in your home country is awful.  Especially when he’s got a long history of representing Russia in international events.  Maybe it was due to his concussion earlier this season, but even I’ll drink to the fact it was a shame he got snubbed.  The Ovi & Sasha Reunion Show would’ve been a hit.

Games: Claude Giroux

Gingeroux thought he had this.  Normally the suffering of any Flyer makes me giddy as a Disney villain, but leaving him off Team Canada was just fickle and redheads are always welcome at our shindigs.  Based on his ability to play beer pong and cornhole with two casted, post-surgery wrists, we’re going to bet Colde can find a way to shoot around the pieces of his broken heart.  Heck, we’ll even crank the heat and make it #shirstoptional.

$5 Cover Charge: Intern Jeff Skinner

NHL’s First Star of the Week?  Good for 66.15 points to my fantasy team in just seven days, more than double what anyone else produced?  Hat tricks all over the place are awesome, but he’s still not getting in for free.

Fake IDs: #TeamEbs and #TeamHallsy

We know they’re both of age, but @amandalitty is bouncing and she just wants to know where #TeamHallsy lives, okay?  Plus we are not falling for that matching outfit, ‘No really, I’m Jordan Eberle’ trick that Nugent-Hopkins pulled the last time.

His phone: Jack Johnson

We’re prank calling Crosby all night – which will be 9 hours later there and he’ll probably answer until he blocks us and we leave amazing messages complete with singing.  These are the best kinds of messages.

Darkness: Brent Seabrook

Resident widow’s peak and most likely vampire, Seabs ain’t coming out till the sun goes down.  He slept all day, so he’s in charge of last call.

Selena Gomez CD: Logan Couture

This was his chance, you know?  Everyone watches the Olympics and there was bound to be a hockey clip during ice dancing, which people love once every 4 years.  If Logan could’ve been that highlight then Selena would have seen him and POW.  We’d be hired to promote their starring roles in The Cutting Edge 4: Ice Castles in the Ice coming out next Christmas.

His laptop: Bobby Ryan

Team USA’s biggest snub is in charge of Tweeting, Instagramming and live-blogging this party as it goes down.  Cats are allowed but absolutely nothing silver: no Coors Silver Bullet, no Patron Silver tequila, no games of quarters.

Not this shirt: Joe Thornton

The last time we partied like we were in college… well, we were in college.  We might have overlooked this shirt back then but the era of poor decision-making and Ed Hardy clothing has passed.   For heaven’s sake, there is a design on your jeans!  Give us your wallet, go tell Logan that Selena & Beiber are not back together and we’ll take care of this on Nordstrom.com.

Not any shirt: Victor Hedman

Does this party have a pool?  Victor Hedman is probably tan in February and we need a lifeguard – all these numbers that say Hedman should have been chosen make our heads swim.

Recycling Bags: Marty St. Louis

What the crap, right?  Marty may scowl disapprovingly at the pile of beer cans JStaal has crushed on his forehead, but that’s because he knows when the morning comes (or say, a 38th birthday), he’ll still be here showing these kids how it’s done.  Marty is the Last Dad Standing, so he’s on clean up.

UPDATE – Marshall: Tyler Seguin

How could I forget this?  All puppies are invited but especially if they bring Tyler Seguin.  And Tyler Seguin brings his dance moves.  (Thanks Jess!)

Jerseys, mittens, hats and flags: You 

Of course this hockey party will have hockey, and plenty of it, at all hours of the night and day.  If you saved vacation time, use it now.  While not all of our favorite players made it to Sochi, everyone from home to Russia will be supporting their country loudly and proudly.  And in some cases, other countries near their countries (maybe that’s just me).

If I didn’t pick your snubbed favorite, feel free to invite him.  We welcome anyone who brings snacks or is qualified to drive a Zamboni.

Of course it’s Piglet.  He looks pretty fond of Ms. Pink Recorder-And-Mani combo too.  Or maybe he’s just happy with himself for having 5 goals and 5 assists in his last 4 games for Dynamo Moscow.

This, this, a thousand times this. [and as a gif]

Backstrom had two goals yesterday, including the one below.  Please note that I will pirate the dance showcased at the :32 mark as my own future Nicky goal celebration, if they Caps ever unbreak my heart.

Last week, Nick had a hatty.  Karaoke your own commentary on this one.

Ovi has a recent OT GWG and 3 assists, for a total of 19 points in 18 games, and Dynamo holds the overall KHL lead.

You can very helpfully follow @KHL_Hockey for English-language updates on all the teams, and they’ve got a full English website too – en.khl.ru.  My goodness, a hockey league that seems to appreciate their fans. What will they think of next?

BINGO – Viktor Stalberg has left the Swedish Elite League to play for KHL’s Atlant Moscow [link] – @HCAtlant.  And the team is Tweeting like, well, we would if he turned up at our office.

Yes, even in that hat.

Definitely a part of our interview process:

He’ll make his debut today vs. Jakoub Voracek’s team Lev Praha (Czech Republic).  If I see a link to the live stream, I’ll Tweet it.

Tampa Bay’s Victor Hedman, who is not photographed often enough, assisted on all three goals for Barys Astana in their most recentwin.  He also apparently gets mistaken for Tom Brady in the US [link].  We can kinda see it.

And just because it exists, here are 9 1/2 minutes of Gabe speaking Swedish (where he’s playing).  The Swedes must reinforce their electronics because this shit would melt my flat-screen right off the wall.

Easy, breezy, beautiful. Now cut your hair.

And there’s adorable video too [link].

Spin like a ballerina!

The Bolts are 11-13-2, while the cross-state Panthers are killing it and leading the division.  That’s right, I said the PANTHERS.  Remember when Rob Niedermayer played for them?

Stunnas.

Stammer has 16 G/13 A, which puts him near the top in goals and points.

Lean back.

But they’re struggling to put together wins.  The Lightning have dropped 9 of 15 games, including the last 4 in a row.

Squishy is a distinguished gentleman.

They play tonight against a team with a worse record – the Islanders.  It would be nice to get a running start into tough road games against the Rangers and Flyers later this week.

Everybody loves Steven.