What the inside of my brain looks like.

Kidding! Okay, not really. An in-goal wine rack? If you went inside my brain like Being John Malkovich, you’d find yourself climbing one of these. Somebody get the creator of this miracle a Nobel Prize.

Also, Cnada provided us with this, courtesy of the Vancouver Canucks:

#Canucks #DiceandIce #lipsyncbattle is @JimmyFallon worthy.https://t.co/hkouWK5O9B

— Vancouver Canucks (@VanCanucks) February 24, 2016

Mamma mia. Lip sync battle is the greatest entertainment invention since the Puppy Bowl, and that’s even when Beyonce doesn’t show up. It’s also the highest art form I participate in daily. From my car.

Now, let’s be honest. I don’t know who any of these Canucks rookies are. And I am generally terrified of potential humiliation, so watching this was not easy! But I know all these songs and I must say, these guys nailed it.

It’s 5 O’Clock somewhere… in Canada. Because he’s 19.

Jake Virtanen did Alan Jackson’s “Chattahoochee” in a pair of pants that maybe fit him in high school. Good thing he didn’t pick a song with any booty-dropping or we’d have seen somebody’s Chattahoochee.

Ain’t nothing but a heartache.

Jared McCann (hi cutie!) went straight for our own hearts with some BSB. God, I love this song. It makes no sense – are they happy? Sad? They never want to hear us say we want it that way? But I thought they did want it that way?

Typical guys, with their mixed messages and wearing all-white in airports.

Canada’s Got, well… confidence is a talent, right?

Ben Hutton went all out with his choice of Aqua’s “Barbie Girl.” He was approximately a fetus when this song was released (okay, he was 4), but clearly this musical milestone resonates across the generations.

Admit it, you were worried at the start of Ben’s number. We were on the fast track to this for a hot second….

Vote for Pedro

Until this happened.

Come on Barbie, let’s go party.

Last, in the always-unfortunate slot after someone unbottons clothing, Sven Baertschi hit us with some Marvin Gaye. He doesn’t really know what the host is saying, or what the words are, or that he’s dressed like AJ McLean, so I assumed he’d be the one singing Backstreet Boys. Throw is some skating-ish dance moves and you’ve got yourself a fine performance, friend.

He’ll be there in a hurry.

There was no winner, though I think Sven had it in the bag with his turtleneck and chain. Did he confuse Marvin Gaye with The Lonely Island? I almost hope he did. I also hope more teams subject their players to forced participation for our amusement soon. Right after they give Chuck and I a good twenty minutes with that goal-sized wine rack.

So, in summary, you should vote for Canada. They’re the country of hockey-themed liquor cabinets and freestyle dancing by untrained white men. If that’s not the place for me and Chuck, then just leave us the wine.

The Penguins have already found the perfect off-ice role for Pascal Dupuis: Team Dad. It would explain a lot about how attractive this team is. I mean, Potash’s Reba McEntire wig didn’t make this:

Is anything more 90’s than spray deodorant?

That’s a lot of fun for a team that can’t win a freaking game.

Actual photo of the NHL team standings

The Sharks, reigning kings of the Holiday Video, know how good they are. This year they’ve made it an event. Five behind-the-scenes videos a la VH1’s Behind the Music – three here, and two more yet to come (today and 12/24).

They are really committed to this – already nearly 8 minutes of content and not a smile cracked on camera. Well, except for mine when I saw Chuck’s #1 Dream Combination come true for a single, still second:

Objection. More 90’s than spray deodorant: Joe Thornton and *N Sync.

There is also a contest to win an appearance in their 2016 video. I love that they’re thinking about next year when we haven’t even see this year’s yet.

That #2 team in the NHL, the Capitals, chose to spoof A Christmas Story, and it’s glorious. [Video] They basically put glasses on everyone who could be improved by them.

Fa-ra-ra-ra-raaaaaah…

And those who couldn’t, well…

Does the Easter Bunny visit Russia?

The Flames went right for the low-hanging fruit: the ugly NHL Christmas sweater. They helpfully feature all five (!) of the Flames ugly sweater designs. (We feel you, Rover.) Chuck’s poor, beloved Dougie Hamilton wins/loses this one – that a lot of yellow even if he weren’t a ginger. Luckily, a cameo by Brandon Bollig’s abs make Christmas the day of giving all over again.

The Senators also broke out the ugly sweaters… sort of. How many hairstyles got made for these little LEGO guys?

Overall, that gets a meh. But the coach should definitely say “Karl” more often. I wasn’t sure he was talking to the only other guy in the scene.

The Canucks went to musical route but, unlike the Habs, left the heavy lifting to other people. Smart move. I may despise The Sound of Music and only understand 20% of the references here, but it’s well done.

And anytime a music video allows hockey players to break the Nick Carter Rule (no freestyle dancing, you dork), we are in.

Speaking of singing and, er, dancing, I’m just going to let the Blues video speak sing for itself.

Stick to what you’re good at, Blues. So, basically this (photo from @BedGear):

Alison printed this out and showed it to Santa.

Many teams that didn’t produce videos found other ways to spread holiday cheer. The Islanders did some toy shopping for delivery to a local hospital. The Blackhawks did a hospital visit, and the Wild too. I stopped counting after that. The Devils don’t have a video, but Adam Henrique still went out in search of another human that shares his affinity for elf culture.

Celebratory cheekbones

Did we miss any? We’d hate for Santa to leave anyone off his list! You know there’s something extra under the tree for anyone who embarrasses themselves for the sake of our entertainment.

Update: From the AHL’s Providence Bruins, here’s Max Talbot and Co. after raiding Henrique’s closet.

Bonus points for the matching tie.

Update #2, from Natalie: Not-team related, but we’ll post because Roman Josi can have our column whenever he wants it. Also, I require an explanation of these pants.

From @rjosi90

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, friends. May your days be merry and bright – and your nights full of your team earning points.

Pre-game video that makes you question loyalties.

I LIED. BEARDS ALWAYS.

Did anyone know about this? I’m glad you didn’t warn me. #TeamEbs turning up in November looking like he might if the Oilers ever made the playoffs is a revolution. He missed the first 13 games with a shoulder injury sustained on September 29. He obviously spent this time very, very well.

Post-game, the beard was still there. Thank heaven, because if I were going to hallucinate something, it would definitely look like this. The Oilers locker room has really nice lighting, no?

Post-game video that needs a hug.

Bonus: Jordan Eberle Halloween commercial.

Oilers side note: The PUPPIES have a social media campaign about PUPPIES. Okay, other animals are eligible but they are clearly reading @alisonsykora‘s Tweets.

This is so meta.

Since it’s Monday, and Jordan Eberle & Mike Green train together in the off-season [What is this machine and how do I get a job making sure they use it properly?], I feel compelled to report that this is still amazing.

Post-game video that is now wash-and-go.

Ugh, Capitals. You will never be the same.

“I wonder what Piglet is doing,” thought Pooh. “I wish I were there to be doing it, too.”

Then yesterday I opened the WUYS Twitter and saw 17 notifications. Either Jonathan Toews did a ceremonial face off against his tiny dog, or…

Aaron Ekblad’s humbeTweet

Yup. Everyone is demanding Aaron Ekblad be carbon-dated to prove his age. Which is 19, I’m probably legally required to remind you. Thanks to @ErinMiHaley for this one.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t include Chris Higgins in the beard post. He is just back from a foot injury and, well, you can’t flash your abs on every play.

Post-game video that hates losing with :16 left.

Last, but not least, nothing has changed for our favorite Gingerbeard down in Nashville: still rocking the scruff, still getting into trouble.

“Details of your incompetence do not interest me.” – Miranda Priestly

On Thursday, James Neal took out Zach Parise. You could take Yahoo‘s headline opinion (quoted from Wild coach Suter), that hit was “dangerous, reckless”, or go with CBS Sports‘ feeling that the hit “doesn’t look dirty on Neal’s part.” You be the judge:

To me it’s clean enough, though awkward and ill-timed. From another player, I don’t know that this hit would be a conversation piece. At least Nashville seems to have had the sense not to let James speak to media post-game. Zach is week-to-week, after scoring 7 G in 12 games, so we hope he’s back on the ice soon.

With a beard.

Who else is sporting an excellent early-season pelt? Send them my way before they shave down to 1970’s cop-style Movember ‘staches.

UPDATE: Patrick Roy’s beard is perfect. For every time you just want to lose your $%&@ and scream at someone, think of this and feel zen.

Submitted by Henriikkax!

Disclaimers:

Chuck: I have watched some Western Conferences games this year, but those 10pm start times are killers. My predictions are based off:  the games I HAVE watch; NHL Network, what I’ve read about the teams, and Ms. Cleo.

Pants: I need to be honest here for a second. Can I vote for the Oilers? No? Then I don’t know anything about the West. I will predict – I may even have emotions – but everything I think about the Western Conf. is learned from reading other predictions or the final NHL standings. Basically, I am cheating off all your tests.

western conference

Blues vs. Wild

Chuck: Blues. But maybe the Wild?  Wild have been the best team in the NHL since January and the exceptional play of Devan Dubnyk has carried them through, but the Blues have a sniper in Tarasenko and a deep corps of forwards and defenseman. This one is a conundrum, for sure.

Pants: Blues. They always seem to be giving my teams a hard time, so this year will be not different. Also, BORT’S BEARD! I needs it.

Lindsay’s favorite photo.

Predators vs. Blackhawks

Chuck: Predators. I’m going out on a limb for this one but just hear me out. Preds’ defensemen make an in so many ways and Weber and Josi are a stellar 1-2 punch. James Neal, when he is in the zone, can score goals that other guys just can’t. Hawks’ defense has been meh of late and Crawford can’t do it without good players in front of him.

Pants: Probably the Predators, because they’ve been rock solid all season. Also, I have Gingerbeard withdrawal something fierce. The Hawks have had their ups-and-downs, though they are getting Patrick Kane back right on cue to make me eat these words.

Ducks vs. Jets

Chuck: Ducks.  Ducks has strength on pretty much all four lines and if their forechecking is on point, they are probably one of the best in the league. Paul Maurice has changed slowly changed the identity and culture of the Jets but they aren’t quite there…yet.  But I wouldn’t be mad at ALL if the Jets pulled this upset off.

Pants: Ducks. If you’ve never watched Bruce Boudreau coach, please take this opportunity. If he was an iso-cam feed during games, I would never need to see the ice.

Canucks vs. Flames

Chuck: Flames. I don’t have a dog in this fight since the Bruins are out so I am looking for a team to adopt.  Maybe the Flames are it. So what that they haven’t won a playoff round since 2004 (when the lost in the SCF)?  Great coach in Bob Hartley, a hugely successful powerplay and their ability to win without Giordano might make the Flames a dark horse.

Pants: When I go to horse races, I bet on whichever horse has the best drag queen name. (So far, Surly Temple is the all-time favorite.) So when I say I can’t pick a team in this series, know how deeply and truly I do not care. I seem to have a lot of Canuck fan friends though, and I wish them well.

Comment below and let us know your predictions.  Who’s your dark horse team?

Today’s Foxy Friday has played for not one but TWO of the teams in the NHL that fuel my hate fire. But today, I will smother that raging hate fire and look past the jersey.

Today, I will also forget that he is named after one of of the Ninja Turtles and will focus on what is really important on this most special and holy of days.

Ladies (and gentlemen?), meet Raphael Diaz.

This is a man who name invokes images of the Bernabeu, emerald green pitches, and the white noise drone of the vuvuzela, not the Saddledome, sheets of ice, and pop tunes played by a pipe organ.   This 5’11” blueliner was born in Zug, Switzerland, which sounds more like an alien race from Doctor Who than an actually place, and he joins fellow Swiss Foxy Friday Honoree Roman Josi in making us sit up and take notice of that little neutral nation.

We, as true intrepid journalists (!) need to know what other hockey foxes are hiding up there in the Alps.  Is Switzerland the new Sweden?

Like Sue-Ellen, we “right on top of that, Rose.”

Diaz is a newcomer to the NHL, but has already had quite the journey.  He was signed by the Canadiens in 2011 to an entry level contract. He was traded to the Canucks in February 2014, who then turned around before the ink was even dry and traded him to the Rangers a month later. Then in  October 2014, he went to Calgary’s camp on a try-out and ended up signing a one-year contract at the start of this season.

That’s a lot of new jerseys, new locker rooms in new cities, and through it all, he still managed to look like this.

He works out.

If Sidney Crosby and Karl Urban had a baby, Raphael Diaz would be their little bundle of joy.

Hey, girl, hey…

Diaz is foxy because his role model is obviously John Tavares. As a newbie NHLer, it is important to establish your identity early on.  Diaz is working the “Accountant-by-day-Hockey-Player-by-night” look with the best of them.

GET THIS MAN SOME KHAKIS!

I’ve been waiting for you all night…by this pineapple

Diaz is truly foxy when he has no idea what we are saying…

Only if you insist…

…And when he’s acting like a giant toddler.

He is foxy because his eyebrow game is ON POINT, even though his beard game needs a bit of work.

But you know what really gets us? Those smile lines around his eyes

Those just destroy every fiber of my being.

So in conclusion…

Yes, Raphael.  I think we just did.

You can follow Raphael on twitter at @diaz_raphael_61.

I mean, he’s a Canuck, for pete’s sake.  AND a Montreal Canadien. These alone make our skin crawl.  It fills us with the fire of a thousands suns.  It makes us rage like a Desperate Housewife who has drank up all her chardonnay and has no alimony money left to buy more.

But for today (and only today) do we put aside our blinding hatred and name Chris Higgins from the Vancouver Canucks this week’s Foxy Friday.

Chris Higgins is 100% Foxy.  Here’s how we break it down.

85% – Abs.  Those glorious, perfect, mantacular abs.

 We feel like Emma Stone in “Crazy, Stupid Love” when she sees Ryan Gosling with his shirt off.

8% – Beard.

7% – Smile and overall adorableness.

Obviously, he has some hockey skills too, but we wouldn’t know.

We’re too distracted.

Our minds just aren’t functioning the way they should in October.

We should be spending our evenings watching ridiculous amounts of hockey [courtesy of NHL Center Ice] and blogging incessantly.

Instead, we are forced to do things like laundry.  Cleaning the bathroom. Reorganizing our closets.  Macrame. Baking cakes.

Okay so maybe baking cakes isn’t all that bad.  (But it is bad when you are so depressed by the lack of hockey that wind up eating half of it in one sitting.)  Hashtag – FatKid.

Another horrible side effect of the lockout is that it is really hard for us to pick new Foxy Friday honorees each week.  When you can’t see all the new young faces and their FF potential, it’s like wicked hard.

But that is where the Foxy Friday Flashback comes in to save the day.

And who better to save the day than Trevor Linden.

Seriously, we should give it to him just for his hair alone.  Look at it, people.

Perfection.

But TL isn’t getting inducted into the Phi Phi Phi just for his coif alone.

Linden was the #2 overall pick in the 1988 NHL Entry Draft. #1 pick was Mike Modano.

He’s got a sweet ride.

Over his 20-year NHL career, he played in 1,382 games, scored 375 goals, had 492 assists, and 119 power play goals.  And a few bumps and bruises.

When he retired twenty years to the day that he was drafted, he retired as one of the most beloved and well respected athletes in Vancouver and the entire NHL.

He founded the Trevor Linden Foundation to raise money for local charities and makes frequent appearances at the British Columbia Children’s Hospital and Canuck Place, a hospice for terminally ill children.

He’s been named to both the Order of British Columbia and the Order of Canada.  What’s next? Sir Trevor Linden?

He’s way into cycling.  You can tell because of those super tight bike shorts.

Girls always make passes at boys in good glasses.

But besides all of these things, Trevor Linden is just a class act of a guy.

Here’s an interesting fact that you might like to know –  Linden was the player rep to the NHLPA, and was later elected as president of the NHLPA in June 1998.  He was actively involved in negotiations with the NHL and Gary Bettman on the CBA that ended the 2004-05 lockout.

Are you thinking what we’re thinking?

Is it time to get Trevor Linden out there to work his silver-fox hockey man magic on this current lockout?

Help.

Follow #16 on the twitter at @Trevor_Linden  

Why would I be at  football game? Free tickets. Other than that? THIS!

But first, I did not know it was mascot night until there he was, in all his fin-tabulous glory, floundering away on the jumbotron.

Of course, I hotfooted it down to where he was, as any good hockey fan at a football game would.

And just as Mr. Cherrie was about to take the photo, a football shot through the frame …

Fin was there for half-time hijinks! If I wanted to spend the night in jail, I would have run down on the field, tackled him and dry-humped him silly! I can only say the lack of hockey made me go completely insane for anything hockey related. 

Luckily, there was security and I was only allowed to get to this close to him.

Who would have thought I would have had a hockey experience at a Seahawks game! Ya just never know!

And THAT is your moment of zen …

But my friends once in a blue moon dreams do come true! So taste the rainbow Kings fans!

yes, that's super model Rachel Hunter with the newly dubbed, west coast - 'bigboy hair'

But I’ll be honest, it’s nice that under all that is this too :

LA seems to agree with Mr. Stoll

Hey there handsome! yes, I embarrassed you in front of your team, that was me

Ok, I’m starting this off with I don’t hate the Vancouver Canucks. I just happen to LOVE the LA KINGS – even more so after seeing them last night. Look at the play-off beard!

do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Mr. Canuck fan? no wonder you're with another dude at this game!

F%ck you camera man! Telling me I suck. I made it on the Jumbotron anyway! so suck it ... we won too!

The one question I kept getting asked last night was – Why do you like the LA KINGS? Really? I saw Mr. Cherrie hold his breath hoping against all hope I wasn’t going to say something snarky so I waited until now: (our two little friends above the exit sign where AWESOME!) HI!

1. LA has a real goal tender – Quick doesn’t cry either!

Koppie tried flipping me a puck during warm up! totes love for you.

2. LA has Kopitar who can stick handle in a phone booth and I believe is about to cut loose because he is certainly due

He's all class and no sass!

3. LA has Dustin Brown with 2 shorties on them in their barn

Capt. Downtown Brown was trying not to laugh at my sign. Quick had a giggle too along with the rest of the team giving Doughty shit.

4. LA has Jeff Carter and Mike Richards now
5. LA has Drew Doughty (of course)

Drew also tried to flip me a puck during warm-ups!

Any questions? Didn’t think so.

This was totally staged for my pleasure because they were all laughing and trying not to look at me. Hello -Paging Kings Fan of One.

See ... they started laughing and 22 (Trevor Lewis) is a stone cold FOX

But I would like to give a shout out and a thanks to the gracious Canucks fans who let me stand in front of them during the warm-ups so I could watch. They were very nice about it and I truly appreciated it.

 But when I went to consult my bookie, I mean my oracle- the great swami Osiris Jones, man about town and counselor at law, when he’s not picking NHL play-off games for cat treats, much to my horror this is what I found!

Whut can I saz, I heart king henry

When I told him there’d be no more treats for this treacherous betrayal –

But i'm no foo eder

His brothers are much smarter and helped with the sign making for tomorrows big trek across the border. With Doughty getting so much ice time I am sure to get my money’s worth so look for this sign in the sea of blue and green: 

yes mom, I am 12 years old ...and I can make a sign like one too!

I’m hoping to get some exclusive shots for the blog if Mr. Gates doesn’t make me stay after school for extra credit. I am also hoping for another game like last night!

Wow - for me? Awesome .... A hatrick for you then!

Swami Jones has spoken ... and it shall come to pass that these two hot horses will play each other in the finals ...

or this: 

Pst ...I hear Dawn's picked us for the finals ...
*****************************************************
Of course she did, I'm reliable and I always come through even though she's saying it's her 'cat' and she hates Pittsburgh

ah ... can someone get me into the dressing room for an interview? I have a lot of questions for these guys and they look a little bored.

Giving the West Coast some love and Mr. Cherrie too … for our anniversary – what better way to celebrate than seeing my beloved DDTBG in person! And on one of our favorite day of the year – FRIDAY THE 13th!

Yes, I've used this photo before but finding shirtless photos of Drew is like finding a Unicorn, a rainbow and Ovi with a hat trick this year! Ohhhh did I just say that?!

I don’t know whether to wear my “FEAR THE TWINS” shirt from last year’s play off or my ever green – DREW DOUGHTY shirt? Or I could committ the ultimate jersey foul – cut them apart and frankenstein them! Switch them out too! Brilliant I say!

complete jersey foul if I stich these together!

(I guess that depends on who wins in the end …) I learned my lesson at the 2010 Olympics! :0

These are tough and important decisions because I don’t want to be the Hulk Hogan dude that got razzed by Hartnell at the Pens game.

Either way ladies, it’s play-off time and this girl has a new outfit in the making. And you won’t believe your eyes! After being the highest googled Ovi sweat pants peep – my goal is to be the highest google Sex-hair gal.

I need a sign ... but not from god.

What? Dawn's coming? HERE?! Shut the Front Door!

We need a hero... to save us from all those things growing on our hockey heroes!

No question that’s a dirty play.  Daniel Sedin struggled back to the bench, played one more shift then went to the dressing room [link].  Keith got an elbowing minor and now everyone fully expects him to be suspended.

Shane Doan just got Shanabanned 3 games for elbowing Jamie Benn [link].  Mike Green served 3 games.  But this looks more like Rene Bourque’s hit on Nicklas Backstrom (grrrrrrrrr) that earned a 5-game suspension.  Both Borque and Doan are repeat offenders – this would be Keith’s first suspension.  (Green’s previous suspension was more than 18 months ago, so not classified as a repeat offender – link.)

The NHL has not yet announced a hearing, but with four days till the Hawks play again there is no rush.  Sedin will be re-evaluated today in Vancouver and any sustained injury considered in the case against Keith.  Henrik Sedin spoke after the game, saying Keith “did what he wanted to do” [link].

The Canucks are comfortably atop their Division and could still catch St. Louis for 1st in the West and the President’s Trophy [standings].  That dream takes a dive if they lose Sedin – their only 30-goal scorer on the year.  They play tomorrow night at Dallas.

Doan and Keith have both been publicly contrite about their hits [link], but who cares?  Time to start thinking before you get your elbows up, boys.  If you can’t do it for safety at least do it for your teams down the stretch.  But really, do it for safety.

Erik Karlsson is on fire and not mentioned – AT ALL – here. I have been loving him for some time now that the Captials season has been in the crapper with Dale Hunter Hockey. It gave me a chance to watch some other teams I may not have noticed.

And he's like two years old so he's not even gotten started on his awesomeness

This isn't his only secret weapon - SPEED is his other one!

The numbers he is putting up this season are amazing so here is some love Erik. You keep rockin’ it my little Swedish bad boy. I love to watch you score!

And on the other coast, I’ve noticed Alex Edler, from the Vancouver Canucks.

I get to play with the Sedin-bots!

With all the talent on that team, I know one might get over looked especially when you have Ryan Kesler taking naked photos. But I consider him the Kris Letang of the West Coast, hot, hard-working but not an attention seeker. He’s a reliable work horse but he also attended the All-Star game.

Every girl loves a sharp dressed defensemen

So just wanted to point out some other hockey players out there and give out some pre-Play-Off-season love because as I stated last year, if your favorite team doesn’t make it, you’ll have to find someone else to cheer for, so ladies, start your choices ….

There is all sorts of right going on in this photo, I don't even know where to start

The best thing about this video?  

Bieksa and Kesler do this in the locker room every day.

Keep watching, he sings the lyrics. [original link]

Juice is in on this one too, and it’s a winner.  The one-way train to Laugh Land makes frequent stops at the WUYS office.  Good thing we didn’t plan on getting any work done today.

[original link]

Happy weekend, everyone!

My pretty pony comes up with the shoot out score!

I told Mr. Cherrie, the Penguins have won because everyone knows Lou goes down. And even Kevin Weeks is in love with Kris Letang – “He’s silky…” WTF? Does he know something we don’t? Oh well, I’ll share him.

CHUCK:

Eastern Conference Finals: Bruins vs. Capitals

Eastern Conference Champs: Bruins

Western Conference Finals: Canucks vs. Kings

Western Conference Champs: Kings

Stanley Cup Champs: Bruins

We all know that repeating as champs is nigh impossible though in the NHL these days, but the Bruins only lost two players to free agency (Kaberle & Ryder) and 1 to retirement (Recchi).  The heart and soul of the Bruins are still here.  Bruins have arguably the best and deepest set of forwards in the game and can get production from all 4 lines.  Plus, let’s not forget that you have Tuukka Rask, a top-notch goalie in his own right, backing up Thomas.

Kings are my dark horse team.  After picking up Mike Richards and Simon Gagne and resigning Drew Doughty, the Kings look to be a serious contender in the Western Conference. They have good young netminder in Jonathan Quick and if Gagne and Anze Kopitar can stay healthy, they could be the team to watch.

PANTS

Eastern Conference finals: Penguins vs. Capitals

Eastern Conference Champs: Penguins

Western Conference finals: Canucks vs. Sharks

Western Conference Champs: Canucks

Stanley Cup Champs: Penguins

Like everyone else, I think the Capitals will be a force to reckon with this season.  It’s (mostly) selfish hope that they will carry it all the way into the playoffs, so I can have the longest hockey season ever.  But I think the Pens will be strong early with Malkin and Staal in, and maybe James Neal will get his scoring touch back.  The Return of Crosby will be like Willy Wonka somersaulting down the orange carpet to greet his lucky minions at the gate.  Chocolate Stanley Cups for everyone!

Much like the Caps, I think the Sharks are long overdue for a dominating post-season performance.  They’ve won their division the last four years in a row and made it to the Conference finals the last two years.  Ultimately I don’t see them beating Vancouver, but I think they can do better than last May’s 4-1 failfest.

So, let’s hear it – who are your picks to have a great 2011-2012?  Feel free to shamelessly back your favorite teams – we obviously have.  Don’t hate us because they’re awesome.

You know the part in National Treasure when they light the little pool of oil and it spreads 10,000 feet of fire and illuminates a gazillion dollars in gold and stuff?  That’s what happened to the internet when this picture was posted.  You’re gonna have to wait a bit for the wallpaper-size version.

More than 20 athletes will do the soap opera strategically-cover-your-business to pose for the annual issue – here’s the list [link].

Kes wanted to get a jump on the competition, so he posed with a fan.  This is like Chuck Norris selling the BowFlex – what a crock.  Some people are just born this way.  Kes spends more time on that hair than these abs and you, normal man in glasses, can only hope to warm your flab in the glow of his superhuman abilities.

Not that Kes does’t pay the price:

Whoever lived in my apartment before us still gets ESPN Magazine, and to that stranger I say thanks.  You could have cleaned behind the fridge before you left but I will accept this subscription instead.

He hits (104 in 66 games this season).  On occasion he fights (3 this year… wait, he fought Patrick Marleau?!).  Mostly he’s just Juice and for every second you hate him, you can’t help but love him too.  He’s a joker and a spaz and totally in love with Ryan Kesler.

Kevin Bieksa is what Sean Avery dreams about.  He’s a pain in the ass instigator type who won’t back down and throws other teams’ top offense off their game.  He’s effective.  He’s intentional.  And he’s smart.  Bieksa was +32 this season.  That’s tied for 2nd overall.

And if the stats, the jokes and the personality don’t convince you, well…