Tyler Seguin – What's Up, Ya Sieve?

NHL Man Madness: Final Four

Pants — Wed, 30 Mar 2016 16:12:22 +0000

Almost 1400 votes. 1400! You guys should campaign for something in real life, because you are crushing it here. Or use your powers for good instead of these very important hockey-related matters.

Here we are, at four. That’s fewer names than you’re allowed on your “island”, your “celebrity five” or your “get out of monogamy free card”, whatever you call it. (Unless you are me. I’ve been know that say, “Sid is the list.”)

Click for larger version

Carey Price v Sidney Crosby

You love Carey Price. I don’t get it – or I’ve never really tried – so this one will remain a mystery to me! Stamkos fared slightly better than Bergeron, Faulk or Ericksson, which is to say that he got more than 35% of the vote. And so Price moves on confidently.

I think he can hear me blogging.

If Sidney Crosby hadn’t won, I would have tampered with these election results. Trust me, I am not above a little espionage to keep things right with the world! Luckily, while twenty-nothing-year old Aaron Ekblad made a surprisingly strong show (39%!), Crosby won this fair and square.

It’s all the things.

Now, you must choose. I won’t tell you what to do…

Subliminal messaging

Or who to vote for…

It’s not my fault he looks like this.

But I trust you’ll do the right thing.

Be his wingman any day.

KIDDING! Well, not really, but here are some Carey Price gifs to balance the universe and deter charges of election tampering.

He does look like a nice guy.

I mean, the man can wear a scarf.

Who’d probably bring you coffee.

And not every guy looks good in a belt buckle.

Yeehaw.

Tyler Seguin v Jamie Benn

It was always coming down to this. Entire fictional/aspirational lives are built on just such a conundrum – Peeta v Gale, Edward v Jacob, Ron v Harry, and presumably a great many that exist outside young adult books, but not with this kind of angst. I mean, they’re BEST FRIENDS. They are a set. And they’re possibly more in love with each other than they could ever be with you.

They can’t make us choose.

Tyler faced a worthy opponent in Zach Parise, who got a whopping 44% of the vote. I am shocked! But only one winning smile can win the day. Jamie struggled early, but ended up beating Gabe the Babe with 64%.

Now, by choosing only one of Tyler or Jamie, you could choose none – because they’d likely choose each other. Or you could destroy this fanfic-worthy bromance and ruin everything. That’s right, with just one click.

Life is hard.

So, Tyler?

He knows who he’d choose. Or does he?

Or Jamie?

Come on, just a little?

Left?

All about that bass (layer) – or not.

Or Right?

Need a ride home?

Cake?

Dessert-related. We’re not picky.

Or Death?

Not quite the same.

Man, that is tough. Seguin is a human gif-machine but Benn is so adorkable. Either way, can you really lose?

VOTE HERE: NHL Man Madness Final Four

The poll will be open until Noon EST Friday. As they say: vote early, vote awesome!

NHL Man Madness: Round 2 – Vote On

Pants — Mon, 28 Mar 2016 16:02:01 +0000

Well that was a lot of nothing. Sorry, Professor Perfect Bergeron fans, but Carey Price dismantled him in the run-off category.

Nnnnnot that close.

So we proceed as before – NHL Man Madness 2016 Quarterfinal: VOTE HERE

Click for a larger version

To aid in these decisions, here’s a helpful visual guide.

Carey Price v Steven Stamkos

The Goalie and the Natural

I’ve never paid ~~much~~ any attention to Carey Price, but y’all love him. And I use “y’all” to demonstrate the one thing I know about Carey Price – he’s a cowboy. He can do horse-related things and also survival, which according to many Twitter comments would make his useful in case of zombie apocalypse. (No one suggested he compete on “Naked and Afraid” which frankly calls into question this whole bracket challenge.)

Judo chop!

I submit to you that as living off the land and shooting-while-running are exceptional skills, Stamkos is not without off-ice talents of his own.

You decide what’s more likely. The Walking Dead Reality Show or a young adult fiction series-turned-Hollywood blockbuster series starring a 60-goal scorer.

Sidney Crosby v Aaron Ekblad

Hate to see you leave but love to see you walk away.

Hahahaha, kidding. I’m kidding! That is so unfair.

The Kid and the actual kid

Tyler Seguin v Zach Parise

The Bad Boy and the Good Guy

That’s really fair, though, right? Finding a photo of Seguin with a shirt (and pants) on is not that easy. But don’t rule Zach out – he did take down Toews, after all.

Smile. People will wonder what you’re up to.

I’m just not sure anyone can stand up to Tyler.

He just couldn’t reach a towel. In a room full of towels.

Gabriel Landeskog v Jamie Benn

This bracket is the toughest for me by a mile. They’re both so… it’s impossible. Gabe refuses to wear a shirt, even while making you breakfast. Jamie can’t not be a dork. Not even for a second. Not even with his shirt off! It’s Kryptonite.

The Surprise and the Sure Thing

To assist myself, we enter this evidence before the court:

The Swedish Chef

The “I Can’t Be Sure it’s an Innuendo because it’s Jamie Benn”

Guess I’ll have to spend all day looking Google Image searching them to aid in my decision making (aka just continue what I’ve been doing all morning).

VOTE HERE: NHL Man Madness 2016 – Quarterfinal

Go on, take your time. Research these decisions. Quarterfinal voting will end Wednesday, March 30 at Noon Eastern.

The Kids Would Be Proud

Pants — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 17:15:11 +0000

Once upon a time there was an All-Star Weekend that reminded me how much I love hockey. Well, that happens every year. But this weekend, like so much of this season, I didn’t actually get to watch anything. GAH! What follows is the best I was able to mash up from Twitter and my imagination… except I couldn’t make this up:

It was someone’s job to walk behind John Tavares and hold a sign that said “John Tavares.”

I demand to see your qualifications.

This is so obviously the job for me that I’m just putting it on my resume, because it makes no sense that I wasn’t the one to do it. Here’s the red carpet video.

Gives new meaning to “Climb the ladder at work.”

I could also have held the “PLAID SUIT!” sign, people.

They don’t call him “Stammer” for nothing.

Then, let me just get this out of the way:

Squad goals.

And by “this”, I mean my dead body, fallen to the ground, blocking everyone’s commute into DC. Look at these guys! Look at John’s hair! My enjoyment of this photo is the way a tween feels on the day a new One Direction album drops. I don’t Snapchat, but if I did, I would express this with the “throwing up rainbows” filter.

If this were The Hangover, Tavares would end up with the tattoo on his face. Take care of him!

Hockey clubs can’t even handle me right now.

Obviously the big story of the weekend was John Scott auditioning to play himself in the Disney remake of Goon. He not only went to Nashville, apprently against the NHL’s wishes, he owned the weekend. His kids and goals and his MVP award are all the things we love about sports. Perseverance, faith and, hey, talent (!) delivered with a smile that thanked most people and told some others to kiss his ass.

Proudest fan club.

The support of so many players and teams for Scott’s efforts was also spectacular. Sportsmanship, alive and well! This is what sports should teach kids: not that everybody wins, or gets a trophy for showing up, but that life can be tough – and you can be tougher. Scott goes, for now, back to the AHL. Fate awaits. But for that moment, when someone said he couldn’t, John Scott did anyway. Bravo, sir.

This is the moment, tonight is the night…

In other highlights, PK Subban topped the moment he wore Intern Jeff Skinner’s jersey with a costume so perfect I can’t believe I’ve never worn it on Halloween. (No wig required.)

And PK looks good with long hair. Is that weird? Nah. These rest of the weekend PK dressed and acted like a million bucks-slash-his regular self. He even does a purple suit and fedora with a minimum of pimp-ness. How?

Hockey Thanksgiving!

Pants — Thu, 26 Nov 2015 15:14:51 +0000

I woke up this morning to the Twitter “moments” collection of Fat Pets. Honestly, if my true calling isn’t assembling brilliant colelctions of internet things, I may never find purpose in life.

So, while I wait for my fat pants to finish in the dryer, here is a list of five hockey-related things we are thankful for, because they just keep giving.

Toews is fun now. Take a moment to remember the Jonathan Toews you met years ago.

I still call my mom for recipes too.

And Jonathan Toews of today.

Cowabunga, dude.

Was it all that exposure to Blackhawks TV that changed him? Time spent with Kaner?Or is it just winning that opened his three-times-too-serious sized heart? It might have been his little dog, too.

The Sidstache. Be honest, you kind of like it! Maybe I am speaking for myself, but it’s not that bad this Movember. It’s still a mustache, and I cannot imagine a world in which I’d support mustaches for no charitable reason, but at least it looks mostly like a real mustache. And hey, it gets a whole month to grow. I am just preparing myself for what Sid will look like a month into the playoffs this season. When the choices are mustache or golf shoes, this mustache is looking pretty sweet.

At least you can tell it’s supposed to be a mustache.

Cabbie Presents… exactly what You were thinking. Cabbie is our spirit animal in the mainstream (okay, Canadian) media world. He takes what we are thinking, saying and even secretly wishing for, and makes it for everyone. The Sid Selfie? Tavares Man Bun? Endless gems – and exactly the videos we’d make if it were safe for us to be within selfie range.

Please let this escalate into choreographed dancing.

Inside jokes. There are so many hockey references that make me laugh, a few have to do with in-game moments. From Intern Jeff Skinner to thinking “Girls love” every time Malkin is a dork, a lot of our random chatter keeps the game close to our hearts. Maybe Toews is doing a squat in Spanx right now (he would, on Thanksgiving, that overachiever). If Tavares is celebrating American Thanksgiving, I guarantee his fat pants are khakis! And no matter how much you eat, rest assured that Steven Stamkos is definitely thinking, “Hey girl.”

At his induction to the Intern Hall of Fame

YOU. We are thankful for everyone who reads WUYS, and especially the many of you who interact with us and each other both here and on social media. You guys are the funny, smart backbone of this place! You send us the best ideas and carry on inside jokes we would otherwise only have with ourselves. Thanks to all of you this blog is still skating along five (5!) years later.

Okay, a hug from us isn’t this good.

Your turn! Leave your hockey-related gratitude in the comments below. It’ll give us ideas for future posts, and maybe open our eyes to a few things we’ve missed in the first quarter of this season.

Happy Thanksgiving, Americans! And to all our Canadian friends, there is plenty for you too.

Me, circa 7PM tonight.

Stars in 2016

Pants — Wed, 11 Nov 2015 16:48:30 +0000

It’s election time in the US – wait, not really. We have another year of this crap! But one hockey squad isn’t missing the chance to fast track their big campaign: The Dallas Stars really want to be your favorite team.

Campaign Strategy #1: Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin have all the points.

All the points that are not Patrick Kane’s, that is.

Combined, Seguin & Benn have 44 points in 16 games. The calculator tells me that is 2.75 PPG. Common sense tells me that is a LOT.

Seguin is averaging 1.43 PPG through 16 games. Last season he played a 1.1 PPG pace all year, ending with 77 points. There’s still a long way to go, but when we think of Tyler, we think “performance.”

Silence Fives, a Ten is speaking.

Benn won the Art Ross Trophy last season in a mad finish line dash, scoring four points in the Stars’ last game, beating Tavares by one point and Crosby by three. Last season, Jamie had 5 G in the first 15 games, and ended with 35. So far, with 10 G in 16 games, we’re looking for a 70 G -ish season.

Okay, even he probably can’t do that. But his 0.673 GPG average this season would be 51 G. No problem, right?

Seguin’s Twitter is like Charlie the Unicorn Goes to Candy Mountain

Really, it’s all summed up in this photo from Shattered Lens Photography.

What does it feel like, waking up knowing you have exactly 5x more assists than the average NHL player?

This beard looks like a disguise to fool facial recognition software on The Blacklist.

Probably the same way it feels to wake up looking like this.

Bless the media section of Seguin’s website.

That’s Campaign Strategy #2: Jamie Benn World Takeover

At the Stars’ season ticket holder event, 10/1/15

Tyler Seguin’s no surprise – if you haven’t seen all his handsome rogue-ishness or heard “I Knew You Were Trouble” when he walked in, you’re not paying attention. Jamie Benn is the dark horse, the sleeper; warming to his role as not-so-sidekick with all the slow charm one expects of Texas. He’s tapped a natural resource and now we’re all getting rich.

Even if he doesn’t know much about Dallas… [Sportsnet video: Know Your City]

You play hockey, we’ll read books.

Not that we don’t still appreciate Tyler. He’s making kids happy, making rubber ducks blush (I mean really) and ruining the romantic futures of 16-year old girls.

She just broke up with Chip from homeroom on Facebook.

If she’s from Dallas, Tyler could use a tutor. [Sportsnet Video: Know Your City]

Got the one about the swingers’ club, though. Natch.

Campaign Strategy #3: Winning Often

It’s one thing for a top line to score. That team can still lose a lot of games. But the Stars currently sit in 3rd, with the same number of points as the 2nd place Rangers (who’ve won six in a row/barf). They’re 7-3-0 in their last 10 games and, so far this season, Dallas’ victories are by an average of 2.1 GPG. Benn & Seguin’s point totals account for only 15% of points recorded by the Stars this season – the love is spread around. (Their combined 19 G, though, equal 34% of the Stars offense.)

I see my team squeaking in there…

Campaign Strategy #4: Ticket Prices

Okay, no one campaigns for this. But the average lowest StubHub price for a ticket to the next 10 Stars games is $15.40. You can get in the door for less than the cost of a parking pass. You could see Intern Jeff Skinner from the 100-level on 12/8 for $37. The highest in-the-door cost is, sensibly, to see the NHL-leading Montreal Canadiens. At $25. There are expensive seats, of course, but if you’re only mildly interested in hockey (such people do exist), this could be your introduction. Parents can take their kids. Or, like when I was little, kids can take their parents!

I really hope people take advantage of these prices. It won’t last, not if the Stars’ success does, but it’s the perfect opportunity to grow the fan base while they’ve got something super to watch. Something like…

Best Reddit reply to this video: “Just ask him out already!!! It’s like the last 10 minutes of a young adult novel.”

Now that would be Campaign Strategy #5, just sayin’.

UPDATE: Campaign Strategy #652, courtesy of @RunsonDuncan:

Please be real, please be real…

Home of Hockey

Pants — Wed, 07 Oct 2015 20:01:10 +0000

VIRUS FREE! Opening Day! We are back and all is right with the world. This post is a few days old, but just as full of things I love about hockey starting today. Love, *P

When I saw this:

My first thought was:

Then my interfriends kindly informed me this was from a commercial – an actual mini movie – in which other such ovary-punching moments are included.

What was that you said?

Yeah, that’s what I heard.

Lindsay’s expert analysis of this photo: “The lighting is all 90’s, reminds me of The Cutting Edge.”

If Sid scraps the scuff, he could be Doug Dorsey for Halloween.

Sportsnet always has good hockey content (compared to the US, who doesn’t?), and I love their new campaign. Apparently the players love it too – and they don’t want to leave.

These are all things Intern Jeff Skinner thought he’d be doing when he signed up to work at WUYS.

Throwing away Penguins and Bruins-looking hockey paraphenalia, pretending it smells.

Ping pong and video games, while growing his hair out. Can you see the promise of a man-bun lurking here? Headman and Doughty are one real opponent away from asking to borrow a hair tie. (And being told no, because no.)

Fixing things with athletic tape – Jeff actually does this, though we requier duct tape because we have standards and you can buy duct tape with Minions or Justin Beiber printed on it. If he could roll some duct tape into a hair tie, we might concede the man-bun.

Eating french fries. As if there are any fries left when Intern Jeff finishes getting our lunches. He’s on a strict diet of orange slices and Capri Sun like the rest of the kids on his school bus. Plus, Tyler Seguin eats fries like he’s asking Leonardo DiCaprio to draw his nude portrait in Titanic. That is how you get us to share our floating door in the North Sea, friends.

Napping. We don’t let Intern Jeff sleep on the job, but we will let him carry in the new couch we just ordered in case Crosby ever shows up here. And none of this standard-cushion-size stuff, we went for the oversize, extra-sturdy, big & tall model. Cros can hardly fit his backside on SportsNet’s little sofa.

(Bonus: Unintentional slightly early screencap that defines my life.)

Hey, if that doesn’t work out for Intern Jeff Skinner, he could always get gig helping out at Sportsnet:

Here’s some BTS from what look like a lot more Sportsnet commercials yet to come…

Behind-the-scenes, we like to put hockey's brightest stars like @RealStamkos91, @dewyy8 and @ErikKarlsson65 to work. https://t.co/8eel944LY3

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) September 21, 2015

Trust that if ever Crosby doesn’t look sweaty enough for something, this is not how we’re going to fix it:

One more, to illustrate me trying to leave my desk today when people keep sending more things to blog about:

The #NHL's #BrightestStars have the on-ice skills down, but we're still working on their acting chops. #outtakes https://t.co/M9YCgpzVw5

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) October 1, 2015

Bear with us as I have no idea how to use some new WordPress features and these pictures look a little drunk.

Fiddle in the Band

Pants — Wed, 30 Sep 2015 00:45:29 +0000

Get it? “If you’re gonna play in Texas, you gotta have a fiddle in the band”? No? Oh well. Country music problems. Today we have another guest training camp report, this time from Texas and courtesy of Brenda (@wishinonehand)!

The day before Brenda was heading to Texas on vacation, she got a Facebook message from a friend: Henrik Lundqvist was doing a signing at Birchbox in SoHo for the first 150 people who bought either a t-shirt or a pair of boxer briefs from Bread & Boxers (for whom he’s a spokesmodel spokesman). So of course she ran for the door, down the street and got there 2.5 hours early. To be 6th in line. She managed some coherent speech and minimal swooning while posing for this:

Mr. June, obviously.

According to Brenda, “His shirt was SO SOFT” and she strongly resisted the urge to pet his hair. Because you can’t be in jail and go to Austin for a week of Stars practice! On to Texas, where Brenda stayed with Vicky (of VickyAndNikkisFiveHole). She reports:

Day 1: Jamie Benn seems to be pretty well recovered from his surgery. Must be that new strength and conditioning coach fitness model he’s been dating. He was skating quite a bit on a line with Eaves, which is WAY too much hotness for one line.

Parts his hair with a protractor.

Between practices they brought in a huge group of little kids on a school field trip, who all got Seguin jerseys and were quizzed them about hockey and the Stars. Seggy took a selfie with them [Twitter]. Seguin & Sharp also spent a bunch of time on a line together. If we thought that the combo of Benn & Eaves was as good as it could get, Sharpie & Seggy certainly gave them a run for their money.

Pants: Completely forgot he was a Star.

Later in the day, Jordie Benn’s beard showed off its post-season form. And I’m just going to say right now that the moment that Stephen Johns makes it to the NHL, he’ll need a Foxy Friday IMMEDIATELY. (Pants, he has a ginger beard!).

Okay, we believe you.

Later that night the Stars had an outdoor fan fest, which included a bouncy house (for kids only – boo) and a TERRIBLE cover band who wore different colored Adidas track. [Pants note: That sounds kind of awesome.] There were Q&A sessions and I was able to get autographs from all of the players who were there. I also got to meet the lovely Carolyn & Merrin from Two Bearded Ladies. I felt an immediate bond with Carolyn upon learning of our shared deep and abiding love of Brandon Bollig. Of course I also managed to find a fellow NY Ranger fan and had to introduce myself to him. #BlueshirtsUnited [Pants note: Hashtags you’ll never again see on this blog.]

Day 2: Vicky & I were running late, and spied Jordie Benn, Jason Demers, Kari Lehtonen & 2 other players trying to get back into the arena after apparently running to the nearby gas station for snacks. [Pants note: They need an Intern Jeff Skinner!] Eventually someone did let them in. Incredibly, not even three minutes later, Demers was already on the ice. How did he get dressed so quickly???

On Day 2, the Stars decided to unveil their strategy for the upcoming season: blind the rest of the league with their beauty. For a large portion of the practice, Benn, Seguin, Sharp, Demers & Oduya skated together as a 5-man unit. Jesus, Dallas, are you trying to KILL us??? I’m shocked that the ice did not melt (full disclosure: we melted – A LOT). A bunch of other stuff happened at practice, too, but honestly, who cares?

Discussing #BeardWatch2016 odds

Day 3: Today was the “official” scrimmage that you had to pay to attend, as well as the only day concession stands were open, so of course I took advantage and had a frozen strawberry margarita. We were excited that they were handing out rally towels to fans, until we discovered that they were left over from Mike Modano’s retirement night from 2014. Very lame, Stars! Vicky & I were joined by Le’Loni, Micah & Laura, her fellow Texas Stars Ice Patrol friends, and Nikki, the other half of VickyAndNikkisFiveHole. We were NOTHING but trouble. A lot of people were SUPER PISSED that Jamie Benn & Ales Hemsky didn’t skate in the scrimmage. Still, it was really fun. Seggy looked great, scoring 2 goals but missing on a penalty shot.

You miss 100% of the abs you never show.

The funniest part of the day was that Merrin was able to get Jamie to sign the notebook (available at the Two Bearded Ladies online shop) that has a picture of a sloth in a hockey helmet hanging from a hockey stick along with a quote from Jamie’s scouting report: “We’re not sure if he’s really that slow, or if he just refuses to move.” Well done, ma’am.

Twobeardedladies.wordpress.com

[Pants note: STOP. Their subtitle is “If you’re gonna play in Texas, you gotta have a beard on your face”!! I swear I did NOT see that before titling this post. #soulmates]

Day 4: The best part of the ENTIRE camp was that after the scrimmage (and after the laps that both squads had to skate), Sharp and Oduya were out on the ice. We thought maybe they were going to do some drills with the coaches, but then Oduya skated off. Sharp skated a bit with the puck and then shot it right at the boards below us (we were sitting right on the glass). We laughed and waved at him. He skated by and then turned around and smiled at us and flipped the puck over the glass to me. Another woman who was sitting at the other end of the row went to get it (it had gone behind me), but there was ZERO CHANCE I was letting anyone get the puck that Sharpie had clearly wanted ME to have. Shockingly, in my entire life (we don’t need to talk about exactly how many years that is), this is the first time I’ve ever had a player give me a puck. A 3-time Stanley Cup champion is a pretty outstanding place to start, don’t you think?

Signed: The World’s Most Handsome Man

Day 5: After the last practice, Sharpie was talking to some of the fans on his way off the ice and I was able to get him to sign the puck he’d given me the day before (side bar: his hands are very soft). YESSSS!!! So in the space of 8 days, I met 2 of the 3 best looking men in the NHL (Patrice Bergeron being the third – although I met him at the NHL store this past season), which is pretty ridiculous. I am feeling very blessed. Thank you, hockey gods!

Sizing up the competition.

Thankfully pre-season hockey is here and regular season hockey is right around the corner. Let’s go Rangers!

[Pants note: I’ll let her have that one. Thank you, Brenda! And be sure to check out the other female-written hockey blogs in this post: @vickyandnikki and @beardiestladies!]

VickyandVikkis5hole.wordpress.com

Tyler Tuesday: Beep Beep

Chuck — Tue, 31 Mar 2015 14:55:38 +0000

Beep Beep! Who’s got the keys to the Jeep?

Vrrrroooooommmm!

Tyler recently shot a commercial for Starwood Motors in Dallas. You can watch them here and here but fair warning – they are hella awkward. Name me a single hockey player commerical that isn’t.

–

Apparently Starwood Motors sells kevlar-coated Jeeps. Yes. Kevlar. As in the same material in bulletproof vests. As to why anyone not named James Bond would need a bulletproof car is beyond me..but honestly but it’s not really important, now is it?

What is important, though….

Gangsta lean.

If Tyler arrived in this thing to pick us up for a date, at first we might be all…

hmmkay?

But then he’d come out the car all…

Flawless.

On the outside, we’d be all…

–

And on the inside…

–

Because…

Even his ankles are sexy.

Tyler Tuesday: Magically Delicious

Chuck — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 22:57:38 +0000

Chuck here, bringing you a much needed dose of Tyler Tuesday – St.Patrick’s Day Edition!

While my RLJ (real life job) has kept me pretty busy, fret not, my little leprechauns!

Today, I have the perfect Tyler-size pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

“Tell me ye like me glasses…”

Tyler Seguin is lucky charms, people.

Magically Delicious

P.S. If you want to find me tonight, I’ll be drinking some Irish whisky somewhere in Boston, listen to this song on repeat.

SLAINTE!

Jackpot! (I had to.)

Pants — Fri, 27 Feb 2015 15:56:07 +0000

The Penguins traded their annual Skates & Plates waiter gear for other ill-fitting suits this year and hosted Aces & Ice Casino Night last night. It looked like the World’s Most Awkward Wedding Party.

But two drinks in, the bridesmaids are yelling, “DIBS!” and making shanks out of bobby pins.

The dads, like Alison’s dad there on the left (not really), are warming up their, “Have you met my daughter?” speeches.

While the groomsmen try not to look too drunk…

Even if they have to count reaaalllllyyy sllooowwwlllly…

And the married guys keep interrupting their attempts to flirt,

When they’re not laughing because they know how much an open bar costs.

But no matter how hard they try, there is always one guy who ends up going home alone.

Here are the full photo gallery and PensTV Video. Celina talks so fast that I am out of breath before they even get to Crosby, but this is something you’d (er, I would) probably pay a fortune to attend. There is far less chance of physical embarrassment dealing cards than carrying plates, and I can’t help thinking Beau Bennett is a lot safer in this low-impact environment.

Twenty bucks says that Ehrhoff, tired of being left out, rigs the Secret Santa so he can buy Letang a selfie stick.

Because he knows we love guys in glasses.

The Dallas Stars also had a casino night this week. Furthering their quest to be Your Favorite Team, here’s video in which Jamie Benn admits his favorite part is “mingling with the female crowd” who sit at his table.

No shame if you just tried to buy a ticket for next year’s event like this:

Because:

So:

The Good Lie

Pants — Fri, 13 Feb 2015 18:00:59 +0000

In his latest and greatest Valentine’s Day video, Cabbie gets Tyler and Jamie to prank their mothers by announcing they will propose to their respective girlfriends on Valentine’s Day. Girlfriends their mothers have never met, because they aren’t real.

We here at WUYS hold a few truths to be self-evident:

1) Cabbie for President – of a made-up country we start because he can’t actually be our President, as a Canadian. This is in the fine print somewhere.

2) The Dallas Stars want to be your favorite team.

3) Tyler Seguin is an excellent liar. We assume he only uses this when necessary, but that boy could sell you a bridge.

4) Jamie Benn, not so much.

5) And finally, moms are the best. Every one, every time.

Feel free to cut the end off this video, play it for your own parents and announce, “Meet my fiance!”

But you haven’t actually met him, so…

Thank you to @charlieryan58 for sending this!

Enjoy a throwback Valentine: Cabbie and the Oilers PUPPIES with Actual Puppies

Close Shave

Pants — Thu, 05 Feb 2015 17:58:19 +0000

I don’t know if this break in our server problems will last, so I will post this quickly! Thanks to everyone who sent it to us – it was worth waiting for.

Tyler Seguin and Jordie Benn made a Super Bowl bet: if Seattle lost, Tyler would have Jordie’s megabeard. If New England lost, Jordie would shave Tyler’s head.

What do we have to say? Thank you, Tom Brady. Thank you, Julian Edelman. Thank you, Katy Perry, for even your low-vocaled halftime show and that time you wore the Holocaust cloak from The Princess Bride had some hand in this.

Usually, we’s say “Not the face!” – but this time, okay.

Benn had been working on that beard for a year, and as much as we’ll miss it, he could easily grow it back by next Thursday.

Should have trimmed it first. Everyone knows that.

Tyler’s hair, on the other hand… don’t mess.

Hey girl/guy/kid/fan/lense/plate of macaroni & cheese. You busy later?

In other proof that the boys take their football seriously, Tyler Tweeted this:

Suede dude booties off when watching football.

And while you may be willing to overlook a missing apostrophe or two, Jamie knows the best way to get revenge is by sitting near someone cuter on occasion. Maybe he’s taking applications.

Bonus: the Gnome never eats his pretzels.

Now That Was Fun

Pants — Mon, 26 Jan 2015 14:56:08 +0000

I wrote 90% of this before the the All-Star Game started last night, and changed very little afterward. My opinion was the same: Best ASG weekend ever. Sure the setup is wonky, the events kind of hokey. Who cares? It’s supposed to be fun, and dammit, it was really fun!

Firing squad awaits the cannon

Thanks to the players who really came to play – not play like they do in competition every day, but the fun kind where the fans get to play along. Specifically, thank you because:

You looked great.

You should see my shoes.

Really great.

No, they’re my shoes.

Like “This Foxy Friday will be used against you in a court of law” great.

18 and counting

You made new friends.

No one can resist the plaid jacket.

You saw old friends.

First rule of red carpets: Don’t arrive right after Seguin.

And trolled them.

“Hi Chuck.” “No – Hello Chuck.”

You talked a lot of trash.

No one at NHL had a real notebook.

You took a selfie.

Do you see something behind me?

You got drunk.

It was this guy.

You forgot your new friend’s name.

Also, I don’t know where Long Island is.

He forgave you. Mostly.

:: internal eye roll ::

You took more selfies.

Just add kids!

You didn’t win a car.

Because you didn’t pass the sobriety test.

Then you did win a car! But you weren’t the only one.

#RNHAllStarStud

Either way, you won our hearts.

Right in the ovaries.

Even if just for a moment.

My hatred is no match for this moment of perfection.

Even if you weren’t the MVP.

We would never get your name wrong.

Most of all you made us forget all the guys who weren’t there, from the Subban-type snubs to the Crosby-esque casualites. Maybe the weekend could have been even better… but we didn’t miss them. So thanks for this weekend, and see you next year in Nashville.

Tyler Tuesday: Tats, Stats, Sweaters, and Hats

Chuck — Tue, 16 Dec 2014 19:44:40 +0000

Pants referenced this photo in her post yesterday, but as the resident Seguinista here at WUYS, I had to weigh in.

First off, can we talk about his legs? Now, I knew that he was bow legged and that they were kinda skinny for a hockey player, but in those white tights…I can’t look away. Seriously, how does he stand on this twigs, let alone skate? Hockey player bodies just defy explanation.

Holly and Jolly.

On a side note – Just me, or has Jamie Benn gotten hotter? Maybe it is just because we are noticing him more. Or maybe it is because some of Seguin’s swagger is rubbing off on him. Or maybe he is just a late bloomer and only now coming into his own. Whatever the cause for Jamie Benn’s metoric rise to hockey hotness, we”ll take it.

In other Tyler Tuesday news –

I love….goooooooooooals

‘Sup, ya’ll

Tyler is leading the NHL in points (38) as well as goals (23), five ahead of Rick Nash. Despite launching himself into the hockey stratsophere this season and becoming a bonafide NHL star, Seguin and the Stars are still 6th in their division and 11th in the conference with a record of 11-13-5. Seguin could very well win the league’s scoring title this year while his team fails to make the playoffs…again.

*deepsigh* from klingbergluvr.tumblr.com

Boston to Texas

Recently Tyler hung out with this guy…

Sober as birds.

You may be asking yourself “Who the hell is that?” Well, that guy is dancer/actor Kenny Wormald. Not exactly a household name, but you might remember him from the recent Footloose remake (which was surprisingly enjoyable) and he has danced for Justin Timberlake and JLo to name but a few.

But what makes this photo especially exciting for me is that Kenny happens to be from my very small hometown in Massachusetts, he went to my high school and we danced at the same studio growing up.

One degree, people. One degree.

Players gonna play. Haters gonna hate.
In a recent interview for Stars Insider, intrepid reporter (and WUYS hero) Julie Dobbs (@julieanndobbs) sat down with Seguin for a little Q & A. Pretty standard fare – favorite food, favorite movie, etc – until you get to this.

Now I know where to send his Christmas cookies.

Julie gets up close and personal with Tyler’s new and most favorite tattoo and we thank her. We also applause her for keeping it strictly professional and for not gingerly resting her hand on his bicep and lingering awkwardly. We’re not sure if we could resist when temptation is so near.

We also learn that Seguin is a Taylor Swift fan (but honestly, who isn’t?) and that loves “Shake It Off” just as much as the rest of the planet does.

from bennyandthestars.tumblr.com

One guilty + another guilty pleasure. Suddenly we don’t feel as ashamed. I don’t know if Julie wrote these interview questions but whomever did, we thank you. Thank you from the bottom of our Seguinista hearts. You can watch the entire episode HERE.

sick. beats.

So that’s your Tyler Tuesday round up. I’m always on the lookout for more Tyler news, so feel free to email me at chuck@whatsupyasieve.com or hit me up on twitter at @WhatsUp_YaSieve.

Happy Tyler Tuesday, ya’ll!

from siriuslygoonerific.tumblr.com

Tyler Tuesday: Weapon of Mass Distraction

Chuck — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 21:41:33 +0000

My appreciation of all things Tyler Seguin is not news to anyone who reads this blog or follows us on the twitter.

At first, my friends did not understand my love for #19/91. They couldn’t see “it”. But slowly, over time, their resolve weakened and they willingly joined me on the dark side. I’ve welcomed my Seguinista Sisters with open arms – and a fiercely fashionable Jedi cape.

Yet there are still those that resisted, but now I have a new weapon at my disposal.

I am the Empire and www.tylerseguin.com is my Death Star.

www.tylerseguin.com just launched this week and immediately became #1 on my internet search history. Sure it has some frustrating typos ( it’s SPORTS Illustrated, not SPORT’S ), but I’m gonna let it slide because of photos like this.

Bookmark This.

I’m starting a petition that any and all future photos of Tyler Seguin only be taken in black and white. Black and white photography = classic, mysterious, artistic. Black and white photography + Tyler Seguin…well then just turn this mutha out.

The design of the site is clean and minimalist, which I love, and the TS logo works (even if it does kinda reminds me of fire department shield). But we all can agree that the major draw of this site is going to be its media gallery.

They keep photo photos like this one and we’re going to get along juuuuuust fine.

#face #arms #eyebrows #face

I did sign up for the TS Newsletter, natch, because I am serious hockey journalist.

Ahhh, who am I kidding?

“…like my deep, passionate love for a girl named Chuck.”

Tyler Thursday: Beards and Tats

Chuck — Thu, 20 Nov 2014 18:38:52 +0000

I know it is not Tuesday but it’s still a day that starts with T, so this post will totally work.

If you know anything about me, but know that I love beards and I love tattoos. Each one on their own is fantastic, but together?

Best Kind of Sandwich

Now go in and add hockey to the mix….

O.M.G.

Perfection. And thy name is Tyler Seguin.

#Beard

#Tats

As if that wasn’t enough, Seguin is tearing it up right now, leading the NHL in goals with 14 and third in overall points with 24. At the rate he is going, he might just win the scoring title for the Stars.

But guess who is hot on his heels?

#Lumbersexual

Beard? Check. Tats? Not sure.

But I gladly volunteer to find out.

Are you also into beards and tats? Check out @beardsandtats. It’s a personal fave.

#HockeyHalloween2014

Chuck — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 15:59:22 +0000

Happy Hockey Halloween everyone!

It’s that special time of the year again when all of our favorite hockey players dress up in hilarious and sometimes ridiculously tiny, costumes, for our entertainment. Most of the time, it is to bring joy and smiles to sick kids. But sometimes it is strictly for our enjoyment.

Especially these two…

Dallas Stars (Tyler Segiun, Jamie Benn, Cody Eakin, Brenden Dillon)

TURTLE POWER!

TURTLE POWER! Seguin as Raphael? Benn as Leonardo? If you know anything about TMNT, you know how supremely perfect this is.

Our love for Beguin is real and true, but this year’s Candy Bowl goes to Matt Fraser, Dougie Hamilton, Kevan Miller, Matt Bartkowski, Torey Krug, and Seth “Stewie” Griffith from the Boston Bruins.

Couple of years ago, we had Zee Bunny. This year, we get Dougi-Elsa.

We applaud these men for completely letting go of their ego (and their dignity) to don these costumes to cheer up a bunch of sick kids.

Krug totally loves warms hugs. Griffith’s Hans wig gives new meaning to the term hockey hair. And Matt Fraser, bless his heart) looks like a ‘roided out Pippi Longstocking.

But let’s be honest – Matt Bartkowski is everything. If there was anyone on the Bruins roster that could pull off that look, it was Bart. The Sven the Reindeer costume look absolutely perfect on him. When he come to the WUYS Fancy Dress Party as my date, I want him to wear that.

I love it and I love him. Be my boyfriend.

“Who’s the funky looking donkey over there?” “Oh that’s Sven.”

I’m sure the Bruins weren’t the only team to dress up and have a good time, but boy, did they do it with some flair.

Everybody Wins

Pants — Tue, 14 Oct 2014 15:01:44 +0000

This week, Tyler Tuesday really overdelivers.

If asked for two words to describe Tyler Seguin, Chuck would use “dude” and “perfect.” She is ~~sedated after seeing this~~ on vacation, so allow me….

First of all, Dude Perfect is – as advertised – a group of five guys and a panda. One guy has a gingerbeard. Before we even get to Jamie & Tyler, we know this is going to be right up our alley.

The ensuing competition of ridiculous challenges confirms what Dallas Stars World Domination HQ has been shilling for months: Tyler and Jamie are more talented, more fun and better looking than your team.

This actually came on TV as I was writing.

And they know it. We see you, Obviously Rhetorical Question answered silently by Tyler’s expression:

These two giggle more on camera than you will watching and they shamelessly hug everyone within arm’s reach . Tyler bounces a rubber duck off his skate blade. Jamie scores a diving goal with a pumpkin. Can I buy this at Starbucks?

Obviously each drill was completed flawlessly on the first take, including the Despicable Me Minion Fart Blaster duel (I have one of this in my office for serious occasions). No editing or magic of Hollywood needed here.

Jamie wins the competition, even with a one point deduction for how slowly he realizes that balancing the ball on the cup is the point of that game. Tyler isn’t really trying – he just assumes there are bonus points for how often he manages to flash his abs.

What, no prize for this?

The actual prize? Our hearts. Oh, and a six pound milkshake which 1) I have had and 2) can be purchased in Annapolis. Stop by on your victory tour, Benn.

I’d say more teams should invite Dude Perfect in, but I’m not sure they can all handle it. Perhaps Dude Perfect could just stick around to consult on the Stars’ multimedia efforts all season, since you’re halfway to buying a Jamie Benn jersey already.

Thanks to @J.Rho for pointing out that I forgot to include the BONUS FOOTAGE video. Probably because Mr. Pants & I actually joked about being PB&J for Halloween this year, and I know Tyler and Jamie would do it better.

Table Manners

Pants — Fri, 10 Oct 2014 16:39:23 +0000

Oh, Strombo. Who put these roundtable interview combinations together? Tavares, Giroux and Seguin at the same table? It’s awkward. It’s brilliant. It’s the cast of The 40-Year-Old Virgin.

Compared to Sid, Hank and Toews all doing the casual leanback, these guys are more nervous and eager. They’re all sitting forward, shoulders up – they even mimic each other’s postures with their hands. A therapist would have a field day with all the mutual admiration and trying to fit in going on here.

Is this a restaurant? Is this on the menu?

Of course their outfits match too, light button-downs all around. If this were a dinner, the waitress would be spilling water on everyone.

No kidding, that’s where I bought my shirt!

So, John’s teeth aren’t really fixed. Claude didn’t bother with his false tooth. Tyler is perfect, because he’s Tyler – and he’s really likable in this interview. It’s possible I never considered that before. Sorry other guys, but the Western Conference is taking top marks with only half the seats at these roundtables.

[Note from Chuck: Oh, Tyler. Tyler, Tyler, Tyler. I’m a sucker for a guy’s hands and the way that he was talking with them and resting them oh so casually on his biceps throughout the interview – killing me… killing me softly.]

Charming. Hide your wives and girlfriends.

John, of course, is so, so square. How can you not love this guy?! ‘Mild mannered’ doesn’t begin to describe it. No one on his team showboats. No play haunts him. According to Giroux, he is a terrible trash talker. He says “fustration” (no ‘r’) and takes any opening to dig at Giroux. He obviously combed his own hair for this interview and probably has a coat and tie in his bag just in case.

Focus on the sound of my voice.

Jana (@jstefanc) said it best: “It’s so weird to see a teacher outside of school.”

From the archives, a picture of 14-year old John in media training:

This’ll sound great on TV.

[Note from Chuck: No media training for Tyler? That explains so much. Did the Bruins not have one? Had I know, I totally would have Katniss-ed that.]

For all the ginger glory, Claude needs to decide what he’s doing with this hair. Long or parted. You can’t pick both, not on one head at the same time. We love the curls and the color but it’s time to commit.

Looks fine under a helmet!

The best part of this, the most revealing difference from the other interview, is how they all reach for the snacks the moment it’s over.

Cheetos for everyone.

Cheat day!!

We could go for more of these, if Strombo is free. Or he could join in the Google Hangouts that Lindsay, Alison and I do where we watch two hockey games a piece and all talk over each other in shouty caps.

#CAMP Day 3 – XS T-Shirts and Man Buns

Chuck — Fri, 22 Aug 2014 14:04:49 +0000

In all honesty, this year’s #CAMP montages have left us a little MEH. We’re not saying we don’t like them – we just don’t love them.

Day 3’s video would have been another mediocre offering but was salvaged by two things: impossibly tight super hero t-shirts and Michael Del Zotto’s samurai ponytail.

MDZ’s hair has always been fantastic and his new man bun is kinda working for me. In case you didn’t know, man buns are cool now.

A thousand blessings the BioSteel Sports intern whose job it was to run to the nearest Target and buy up every superhero shirt in the boys’ back to school section.

Size XS

I laugh at you, Tensile Fabric Strength.

I know not everyone is a fan of Tyler Seguin or his sleeve tattoos, but I leave you with this photo (and my new phone wallpaper) to help you change your mind.

from www.twitter.com/biosteelsports

This shirt is holding on for dear life…and so am I.