And now, we turn to Elodie…

With weeks to go until New Year’s Day and its symbolic game, this year’s Road to the NHL Winter Classic is back on EPIX, this time trying to give us a glimpse of the lives of the Montreal Canadiens and the Boston Bruins.

If you don’t know, this is a rivalry for the ages. One of – if not the – most bitter in the NHL. To this day, these teams have faced each other more than any other two teams in the league, and they simply really, really dislike each other.

The kids who spawned a thousand memes.

Let me be honest – I’m a Bruins fan, inclined to turn a side-eye to every bit of the show that is about the Habs. Yet even I have to admit that if there’s one thing this first episode of Road the the NHL Winter Classic did well, it was keeping the focus on a player that it is almost impossible to hate: PK Subban.

Related: PK as Don Cherry makes Strombo pee his pants. [Video]

There’s a beautiful moment, in the opening for the Habs’ section of the show, where PK putting on the most outrageous red fur coat. My friends and I couldn’t help but wonder, does he dress like that all the time, or is it just for the cameras? We could completely believe he wears this thing out every day.

Echoes of his NHL Awards suit

Turns out, the coat is for the cameras, but his teammates fall for the joke and their reactions are glorious.

There’s also this pretty interesting bit where PK lets us in into one of his “hobbies”: suit designing. He says it himself, he likes to look good. And he does. Can’t wait to see what he pulls out for the Winter Classic.

Okay, enough Habs. None of this compares to the delightful moments with the Bruins we get to see! From Zdeno Chara walking around Boston, going to his favorite barber (the same one that shaved his playoff beard after winning the Cup, the one Chara brought the Cup to) and stopping by a youth hockey team from Halifax for pictures and autographs, to Brad Marchand soulfully gazing out of his bedroom window before putting on a (very sharp) suit, it’s all pretty intimate.

[Editors note: You know I didn’t write that about Marchand! *P]

But no moment is more intimate that the few minutes we get with Patrice Bergeron. Bergy, flawless, perfect Patrice, is famously known his discretion.  Never would I have expected to see 8-week old baby Zack featured on the show. And yet, this happened…

:: synchronized swoon ::

So ovaries everywhere imploded in hushed whimpers. The show also featured Stephanie Bergeron gushing about how good a father Patrice is, and I had to rewind and rewatch a couple of times, making pained noises throughout the whole thing.

The preview for the upcoming episodes also seem to show that we’ll be introduced to Tuukka Rask’s tiny blonde Finnish baby, which is something that nobody expected either, because these guys, they don’t share.

Cindy Lou Tuuk? Cindy Tuu Who? I can’t make this joke work.

Other awww-inducing moments of note: Patches and his tiny child playing about in the bowels of the Bell Center:

Yankees hat. This kid is good.

Mainly, my brain short-circuited post-Bergy and I retained very little of everything else. To be fair, as first episodes go, this one was heavy on exposition. Hopefully they’ll find the hooks they had least year, like Latta and Wilson’s bromance, or a bevvy of family holiday skates to pack it all up with cuteness and babies everywhere. I am eagerly awaiting more baby Bergy, and Rask, and the exceptionally cute baby Krejci:

From the lovely Mrs. Krejci – @naomikrejci

This show has always been at its best when there’s more than a rivalry narrative to hang onto, so I’ll look forward to next week’s show. The Bruins played some good games (sayonara, Penguins!) while Episode 2 was filming. I, for one, will be satisfied with babies everywhere, but I may be easy to please.

[Thanks, Elodie! See you next week. *P]

I don’t see my picture.

Normally an unfunny, bumblingly-hosted, C-list celebfest, last night’s show was most of those things again. But better, no? I confess to liberal use of the mute button, but overall there was improvement. Host George Strombopopolopolous, a stranger to us but appropriately a Canadian Treasure (credit: @jfrancesw), was great. He embraced the uneven flow, cracked wee jokes at everyone’s expense, kept a straight face during a break-dancing battle and deferred without envy to PK Subban as often as possible.

Bravo, new friend. May we see you again unless PK takes over full-time.

#iwanttolooktan

Since no actual hockey occurs, the Awards allow us to do what we do best: judge people’s outfits. Everyone’s healed-ish, spit-shined and suited up. The whole enterprise is sharpened by the vague, elusive promise that all these guys were shirtless at a swim-up pool bar just hours before this live televised event. We can judge swim trunks too, you know. And tans.

We’d lend you our last ponytail holder.

The order of the night was Crosby Won Everything and looked great. Or better than great. I am exercising considerable restraint here. This despite a small hair emergency on the red carpet, where the renegade curl of his bangs tried to claw free around his forehead. We’d tell him not to cut it so short, but honestly:

Hands in pockets. IN them!

Who cares?

Sid brought his sister Taylor as a date.  Cute cute cute.  We credit Taylor with fixing his hair before he hit the stage. She looked lovely – and I imagine big bro giving rookies the stink eye for noticing.

She’s thinking, “If you guys knew how dorky he is….”

Toews swapped his Nantucket pink shorts for a suit, then (as any good boyfriend should be) was upstaged on the red carpet by his girlfriend. @Linzerellak could not type “Valentino shoes!!!” quickly enough.  We have a lot style envy going on here.

Gold standard

Who else? Giroux went heavy on the gel, didn’t wear his fake tooth and still looked like high treason to a Penguins fan. I only caught one shot of his girlfriend, whose hair was so glorious it sent me running for a brush myself.

Gah, her shoes too!

Normally I would not endorse a shiny suit. I can’t even type it without thinking of Ben Stiller in Dodgeball. Bergeron though, always the exception to my rules about iridescence and Bruins.  His speeches were the prize: he only sounds French when he thanks his “brudder” and couldn’t be more endearing. His wife wore a formal ponytail: the goal of my life. It would take a team of sculptors to make that work on my head.

Not enough Aqua Net in the world.

Oh snap.  I just realized Mrs. Bergy and Toews’ girlfriend are wearing the same shoes.  The very ones our Lindsay was loving.  Is this a fashion emergency like Brenda and Kelly wearing the same dress to prom, or are these just the de rigueur stilettos this (off-)season?

Tears welled when Rich Peverley spoke about his recovery and Dominic Moore won the Masterson.  Both moments of real heart that remind you hockey people are awesome people.

It’s just raining on our faces.

Chuck flailed when Tuukka won the Vezina.  He said, “I’ve never been so nervous in my life.” – but that’s a lie, because he’s Tuukka Rask.  His speech was great.

This is what panic looks like.

And Tuukka was probably thinking, “At least I didn’t wear Varly’s suit.”  I cringed when Varly appeared on camera – yikes. Pinache, yes, but his outfit belonged backstage with the costumed Marilyn and Elvis impersonators.  Even Kathryn and Barry are trying not to look.

Playing showtunes in the piano bar later.

Nathan MacKinnon stole Intern Jeff Skinner’s title of youngest ever to win the Calder as Rookie of the Year. As consolation, Jeff cried into the new Ed Sheeran CD and said at least he doesn’t style his hair by wearing a hat till it dries. Really Nate, cut off that bit at the back if you don’t know what to do with it. Is Taylor Crosby available to help other Maritimers?

You wish you grew up here.

PK Subban stole the show, of course. Not just his melon-colored suit or late-game costume change into pale-pink-and-plaid. His backstage correspondence was really an audition to host next year. Crosby holding the Lindsay Award and edging fearfully toward PK to avoid touching a showgirl… highlight reel stuff.

Gif by so-hockey-eh.tumblr.com

The most desired date was there of course, the Stanley Cup teasing everyone. Kopitar and Brown looked so happy hauling it around that I threw a shoe at the TV. Kopi cleans up nicely, yeah?

Bailey may be the most fun mascot.

The overall celeb roster was meh – I’ve seen worse. The Kings fan contingent was in full force, so their win can be credited with doing something for us. No David and Haprer Beckham though – or Wil Wheaton. We’ll take Colin Hanks, and that Retta woman whose show I’ve never seen was sass. Hire her, Kings. If we were D-listers, you’d have to bag and drag us off that stage. We can break-dance! We can get hammered like Cuba Gooding, Jr. and demonstrate fifteen minutes of increasingly erratic behavior. Possibly with more break-dancing! If we made a video podcast I think we qualify as presenters, and we promise to pronounce names correctly.

How hard can it be to open a puck and say, “Crosby?”

Sid getting wild – taking his first selfie.

I wish more non-nominated players attended the show, just to be seen (on Tumblr partying in Vegas).  Now it’s back to hoping for boat selfies and golf tournaments.  Oh, and Smashball is coming soon.  If I missed anything good from last night, send it my way!

Three-piece plaid, always an award-winner.

Two of the things we love most in the world.

Put them together and let the seal-clapping and squeeeeeing commence.

The Boston Bruins released their own 2014 calendar – just in time for the holiday season, natch – and here are some of the highlights

I have no idea what is going on with Johnny’s shirt but honestly I really don’t care.  Because his face. And the fluffy puppy face. That dog looks as happy as I would be to have Johnny’s arm wrapped around me.

Things I love about this photo: Brad Marchand’s Sweater.  The dog’s name.  Great name for a dog.  If I ever get a dog, I am doing to name him Han Solo.  Or Lando Calrissian.  Either one would work.

Continuing with the Star Wars theme, next we have Iggy with his dog, Onja aka Yoda.  Yoda is killing it with those ears.  She might be carrying a little extra weight around the middle but let’s face it – it is friggin’ cold in Calgary.

How cute of a pair to Kelly and Mama Celeste make?  It doesn’t even matter that she is named after a microwaveable pizza! She’s adorable.  And Kelly holding on to her so gently is just precious.  Because you know at any minute she is going to jump out his arms and go skidding across the ice on those wee tiny paws of hers.

I want to take Roscoe home with me right now and rename him Han Solo and love him and squeeze him and pet him.  Oh and his picture also features Milan Lucic.  Who apparently went to the James Neal School of Awkward Dog Holding.

So much going on with this photo.  Despite the horribly unphotogenic background, I kind love this picture. You know how they say that dogs and their owners start to resemble each other?  Ladies and Gentleman – there is your proof right there.

Wiggles? Bubbles Lollipop? I can’t. Seriously, Wiggles.  He (she?) is werking it.  Smizing.  Fierce. Because I can’t for the life of me imagine Dennis “Der Hammer” Seidenberg actually naming his dogs this, so I’m going to assume that his children named them.  Or perhaps there is a softer, gentler side of Seids we don’t yet know about.

That sound you hear is my roommate @sailingfoodie collapsing on the floor and dying.  She is OBSESSED with bulldogs and spends hours creating a plan on how she would get her hypothetical dog up to our 3rd floor apartment.  (We were going to rig a rope & pulley system from our living room window and pull the dog up in a bucket, in case you were wondering.)

While Zorro’s cuteness is undeniable, the real winner in this photo is Gregory Campbell.  He’s one of the foxier Bruins and after that whole playing-on-a-broken-leg thing, he’s an out-right legend.

Of course they take the photo in front of the Bunker Hill Monument.  Because if there was anyone who would be from Charlestown, it would be Shawn Thornton.  You’ve seen The Town, right?  You can’t tell me that he wouldn’t have fit in perfectly as a bank-robbing extra.  Clearly, the greyhound must be his wife’s and the other is his.  Because there is no way that a guy like that has a little dog.

WEE LITTLE PUPPY!  TUUUUUUKKKKKKAAAA!  If he’d have put that hot dog dog actually in his goalie mitt, there would have been a nuclear cute-splosion and I would be writing this post from some desolate radioactive wasteland. Also, did you see the dog’s name?  Wishful thinking, little buddy, but I applaud your ambition.

Lola is adorable but there is just not enough juxtaposition in this photo.  Chara needs a smaller dog – like a Pomeranian.  Or a Maltese.  Can you imagine?  Just look at Chara.  He can’t even fit in the seats.  Sort of like me at a Red Sox game. #tallpeopleproblems

Not to be out done, even the Bruins management and coaching staff got in on the fun.

Bosco looks like a dog that Neely would have.  Big. Strong. Devastatingly handsome.

Peter Chiarelli and his pugs!  Butterballers!

Sadly no Patrice Bergeron, but I’m sort of glad for that.  Because if there was a photo of Patrice, wearing a sweater, holding a puppy…I’m not sure that I could have handled it.

Bruins’ 2014 Calendar is $20 + S&H and can be ordered here.

Big, huge, mega thank you to @lilfish77 for scanning these! 

Mainly, because it makes me feel more acutely single than I already do and also because I try not to drink alone.

Last Friday, I set aside my rule and ventured out to my local in the pouring rain to watch Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals.

And when I mean pouring rain, I mean pouring, cats and dogs, Noah’s Ark type rain.

My roommate was away for the weekend.  I didn’t feel like cooking.  And I wasn’t about to watch the Bruins sweep the Penguins alone.  I needed to be around my people.

For sixty minutes, I was just a cacophony of emotions. Elation. Joy. Fear. Anxiety.

Good thing I was in a place with an endless supply of alcohol.

So I get my drink, order me ups some delicious fish tacos, and get it going.

This was me for the the 1st and 2nd periods….

And then the duration of the 3rd…

Then the final buzzer sounded.  I was all….

Then this happened…

And I was all….

And that is pretty much the way I felt the entire weekend.

I’m sure that Pens’ fans have some choice words to describe this series.  As a Bruins fan, I have only one.

Domination.

From the drop of the puck in Game 1 till the final buzzer on Friday,  the Bruins straight up dominated the Penguins.  They managed to shut down the Penguins’ high powered offense and render Crosby, Malkin, and Neal virtually non existent.

The players that should have been factors for the Pens were not, thanks to an far superior Bruins’ defensive corps and a goaltender that was all sorts of bad-ass.

In the ECF, the Bruins gave a complete, standing-ovation performance.  They played as one, collective Borg hockey unit.  They were all in from the beginning.

No egos, no excuses. Just hockey.

Pants gets upset when people criticizes Crosby and blame him for his team’s loss.  And justifiably so.  One player does not a team make. There are 19 other guys on that Penguins bench.

Simple fact is that for those 4 games, the Bruins were better.  They were the best team.

I’ve known from the beginning of the season that Bruins were a great team capable of winning the Stanley Cup again.

Now so does everyone else.

Bring on the Blackhawks.

This game had it all.  A hat trick. Saves. Blocked shots. A geek fight. And a boy named Dougie.

Thing #1 – A hat trick for Marion Gaborik

Gaborik was salty last night and gathered up his first hat trick of the season.  He’s partnered with Rick Nash and Brad Richards on the Rangers’ first line.  With that combination  I’m thinking that there are going to plenty more of these to come.

Especially impressive was the hand/eye coordination on his OT winner.

Not impressive was my failure to put him in my fantasy hockey line up last night.

Thing #2 – Tuukka Time

Two Us. Two Ks. All saves.  Tuukka Rask played an exceptional game last night, thwarting a number of Rangers’ chances that looked like sure things.

Like this one. And this one.

But especially this one…

Thing #3 – Block It Like It’s Hot

The New York Rangers blocked 5,157 shots. Okay so maybe wasn’t nearly that many, but this aspect of the game is something the Rangers defensemen (and the forwards, to some extent) have on LOCK. They are not afraid to sacrifice their bodies to prevent pucks from getting to Lundqvist.

It is frustrating as an opponent, exciting as a fan, and surprisingly kinda sexy.

Thing #4 –   Darth Quaider vs. Inigo Montoya

We like Brian Boyle.  He seems like an affable, goofy guy and we appreciate that. But damn is he annoying.  He’s like Brad Marchand…if you exposed Marchand to intrastellar radiation resulting in a genetic mutation, comic book-style.  Boyle is not shy about getting right up in there, getting under your skin, and taking some shots to frustrate you.

Be careful, Inigo. The force is strong with this one.

And Thing #5 – Welcome to the NHL, Dougie Hamilton!

Everyone, all together now!  DOUGIE, TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE!

You’re all  still dancing right now, aren’t you?

That’s cool.

We’ll wait.

……..

All set? Got it out of your system? Okay, let’s move on.

Dougie is our newest member of the HFC – the Hockey Fetus Club.  He is only 19, which is just “inconceivable”  and in three games this season has proven himself to be a poised, controlled presence on the Bruins’ back line.  As our friend Pez from Days of Y’Orr said “Dougie is wearing big boy pants now”.  And they fit him quite nicely.

Hamilton moves the puck well and has apparently impressed Coach Claude enough to earn some time on the PP and PK units. Best part of the night – his first NHL point. DH27 had an assist on Brad Marchand’s  power play goal.    The potential with this kid is scary good.  I predict an influx of Hamilton 27 jerseys in the TD Garden stands very soon.

It is not entirely out of the realm of possibility that these two teams could meet in the Eastern Conference Finals.  This game had an incredible playoff-like intensity from start to unfortunate finish. It was on like Donkey Kong from the moment they dropped the puck.  Rangers dominated in the 1st and then the ice tilted to favor the Bruins in the 2nd. The pace of the 3rd evened out as both teams looked to control the play and secure the win.

Although the Bruins lost in OT, they did get a point, bringing them to 5 and first in the Eastern Conference standings.    The teams will face off again on February 12th in their final meeting of the 2013 season.

Click on the image below.

Watch the video.

Totes brilliant, right?  LOVE IT!!

Screen capping GOLD!

Thornton-san

Making sweet music

Master of the post-National Anthem fist pump.

Nothing more important than the flow.

Gosh, he's just such a noob.

Andy the Science Guy

The Bear is the worst roommate ever.

Patty cake.

I know how you feel, Jack. I love The Bear too.

Yea. I said it.

The Boston Bruins are the best team in the NHL.

Now before you start heckling me and throwing rotten tomatoes and heads of iceberg lettuce,  just hear me out for second.

I know that I may be slightly biased here when it comes to the Bruins but as a “hockey writer”, I do have the ability to look at this with some measure of objectivity.

So how do I dare make such a bold statement?  Let’s look at the facts…

• They have the best goaltending tandem in the NHL.
• I DEFY to name another goalie super duo better that Tim Thomas and Tuukka Rask.  They are straight up domination.  Rask is #2 in GAA (1.82). Thomas is #3 (1.84).  Thomas is #2 in Save % (.943). Rask is #3 (.939).  Thomas is #2 in wins (16) and in a 3-way tie for 1st in shutouts (4).   By having two stellar goalies, the Bruins have a distinct advantage through the regular season because you can rest Thomas and give him a night off while still preserving your chance to win even with Rask in the net.  There is not that ‘Oh crap” moment with the backup comes in.  With the B’s, even the backup is pretty outstanding.  Also, Rask is only 24 years old so just think about what he’ll be like in three years.  Thomas is the present.  Rask is the future.
• They are as deep as the ocean is wide.
• Although Chris Kelly does look like he reads “The Economist” and you know Andrew Ference watches documentaries on the National Geographic Channel, I’m not talking about an intellectual depth. I’m talking about the We-Have-Four-Lines-That-Can-Light-It-Up sort of depth.  Every single line of the Bruins offense can score goals. Yes, even the Mucking & Grinding 4th line led by Shawn Thornton.  Hell, even the much maligned Benoit Pouliot is scoring goals (he’s got 6). 1st line not producing?  It’s cool.  We’ll come at you with the 2nd and 3rd lines. Coach Claude has a plethora of talent from which he can craft his lines.  He has young talent like Jordan Caron and Zach Hamill that he can call up from Providence at a moment’s notice who can slip into the Bruins’ lineup without missing a beat.
  

  I score goals. I feel love. My hockey powers are renewed.

  

  Woo hoo Carey Price. How'd ya like that one? Pretty sweet, right?

• They are low-profile.
• While the Bruins are an upper echelon NHL team, no one really cares about them. They aren’t the object of rampant fan-girling (or boying). They’ll leave that to Jonathan Toews and Sidney Crosby.  They aren’t gracing the pages of GQ (although they certainly could).  They don’t have a flashy coach or super star face-of-the-NHL type player (Chara might come close but if you ask me, Patrice Bergeron deserves to be up there). They are just a straight up, solid hockey club who win hockey games with skill, speed, and quiet tenacity. And an occasional pugilistic endeavor.

I know that we are only a little over a third of the way through the season, but I don’t think that I’m alone in my thinking that the Bruins have the potential to repeat as Stanley Cup Champions.  Now I know it is nigh impossible to repeat and maybe I just jinxed myself and I know it hasn’t been done since the Red Wings did it in the 1997-98 season, but I’m holding out this little sliver of hope that it could happen.

And why shouldn’t it?  If you get a chance, just watch them play a few games.  Instead of turning on the Pens, or the Caps, or the Hawks game, turn on the Bruins.

I guarantee you’ll like the hockey you see.

And that would have been a real shame.

Rask, McQuaid, Boychuk, and Marchand channel their inner Hansel.

Darth Quiader and Tuuuuukkkkkaaa showing us all why we should cast them in the remake of “Newsies”

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

How much you want to bet Seguin has a matching fedora?  They are in a serious bromance, after all.

He's got the swag sauce. So he dripping swag goo.

Hello Johnny Boychuk.  You be looking all sort of right.  Call me.

What the Warblers would wear if they were hockey players. And not in high school. And not a glee club.

Photos by Conor Doherty from the Improper Bostonian 

Is this really happening?  Is the team that I’ve rooted for and cheered for all season really in the Stanley Cup Finals?

Hell ya, they are!

Bruins and Canucks will face off at 8pm EST in Game 1 of the 2011 Stanley Cup Finals.  I’m supposed to have grad class until 8pm but I’m totally planning on having to “go to the bathroom” and racing home (as much as one can race on public transportation) to watch the game.  I was invited to a meetup of Canadian ex-pats in Boston to watch the game, but they’ll all be cheering for the Canucks and I don’t know if I can handle that…

There has been a lot of media coverage of the SCF here in Boston (natch) and with that comes some awesome photos and screen caps of our most favorite Bruins players.  I only felt is was far to share them with our loyal readers because regardless of your personal hockey affiliation,  you understand the magnitude of the Stanley Cup Finals and what it means to the Canucks and Bruins hockey fans everywhere.

Plus their beards and faces are awesome.  See evidence below.

You’re welcome.

GO BRUINS!

Hi-fives for everyone!

Click, Click, Click...BOOM!

"I once caught a Canuck aboot this...big..."

Learning about the elusive creature known as the...Power Play Goal.

Still pondering just how in the world he made that save on Steve Downie...

Krecji looking all kinds of Euro

.:love:.

I already got my name on the Stanley Cup...what about you?

Teen Wolf like shiny cup.

Notice who's on the wall behind him. *good omen*

"I am Darth Quaider. You will fear me...and my mullet"

Czech me out, ladies.

Why hello there, Boych. Don't you look foxy. P.S. Your profile is *swoon*

The Professor has tenure with the Bruins. 7 years. He's only 25.

Also awesome is the fight at the 2:08 mark, featuring former Bruin PJ Stock. He straight messes that guy up!

(Thanks to Chocolate Iced, for sending it to me.  He is a true friend.)

Un. Deux. Trois. (photo by @NHLBruins)

The Garden crowd thought that Bergy got the hat trick at 14:07 of the 2nd and launched their caps on to the ice, only to have the official scorer credit the goal to the Little Motorscooter, Brad Marchand.  Celebration fail, folks and everyone goes to the Pro Shop to buy new hats.

But Bergy would not be DENIED.  He kept grinding and hustling and eventually got his hat trick with 5 min left in the 3rd.  Cue hat toss (for reals this time)

Nouveau Chapeau gone to waste...

After this win and their stunning victory over the Pens on Monday – 4 goals in last 3:30 min (sorry Pants) – here’s to hoping that the Bruins can capitalized on the momentum, which unfortunately they really haven’t been able to do much of this season.  The B’s are a talented team with arguable the best goaltending duo in the league (Thomas and TUUUUUKKA Rask) and four solid lines that can all score goals.

While they only boast two all-stars this year, that doesn’t really reflect how good of a team they are.  Keep an eye on the Bruins as this season goes on.  If they continue to spread the point production and stay consistent, they could just be a team to reckon with.

Watch out Pants.  Be aware Dawn.  The Killer Bs are coming for ya.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!