The Caps and Islanders hosted casino nights last night.  The events benefit wonderful charities, but “Crush on Mike Green” is not a deductible category on my taxes.  At least not when “Married, Filing Jointly.”  Perhaps in Canada you can claim “Pretending I Can Count While John Tavares Deals Blackjack.”

I hope John’s a slow dealer, because hockey + cocktails is already more math than I can handle.  Read about the event here and see more photos here.  If there’s video later, I’ll post it.

Unrelated to casino night but very related to things we love, here’s the Winnipeg Sun story about John sending a signed jersey to an 11-year old Isles fan who was bullied at a Winnipeg Jets game.  Perfect guy is perfect.

The Caps don’t have a story or photos up yet.  They must’ve partied harder and the web team is sleeping it off.  Their Instagram managed a few photos:

How many drinks before I say, “Mike Green, your hair is too short!”?

But luckily the DC news was up early – Fox 5 TV – Caps Casino Night.

The event featured Ovi’s blue jacket:

Underage gamblers:

And the Brouwer Rangers modifying their suits into Power Tuxes.  Helmets and all.  No offense NYI, but this looks more like our kind of party.

Hoping for a more in-depth analysis of Mike Green’s hair in tonight’s broadcast.

Video: Happy Holidays from Your Washington Capitals 

This year, remember that Christmas isn’t just about onesie pajamas and Joel Ward cracking up from the very first frame.  There is a deeper meaning.  Like when Ovi says, “Hey guys, I need some backup here!” – he is not just talking about musical accompaniment.

Not you, Nicky.  Capitals Hockey Santa has you on his NICE list.

Remember when the Caps were about the Young Guns “Rocking the Red?”

Even if the trade-off is guyliner for tattoos, I must say the boys have grown old(er) quite nicely.

Canuckles is right, I am remiss in not sharing the link to the Canucks ugly Christmas sweater photo.  It’s glorious and features a level of commitment to cardigans heretofore unseen in life.

And by your face, I mean Mike Green’s.

The Capitals Convention was this weekend, so Mike’s friends are along to make your Monday better.  I had a hot date with Deb (@DLF1021) and Pam (@sunnyinNJ) who packed their high-powered cameras.  Every picture here is used with their permission – please don’t steal them!

There was a player ping pong tournament in which Nicky B looked adorable:

He got in trouble for cursing at a later panel.  Piglet dropping f-bombs.

And Troy Brouwer wore these shorts:

Photographing the screen was the only way to get all that, but here’s a money shot from RussianMachineNeverBreaks.com.

The competition was (not at all) serious.

While Deb & Pam watched shorts run around on stage, my randomly selected autograph session ticket ended up being for Mike Green.  I personally vouch for his hair being 1000% and I even managed not to fall off the stage.

Just when I thought the highlight of the day had happened, Mike participated in a cooking competition.  Making grilled cheese sandwiches.

Did I write this script or what?  While the PA played Bieber and Britney, Mike and his fan-assistants won all three rounds of the contest.  He looked pretty pleased with himself and relieved not to have set the place on fire.

All this *and* I can boil water.

While we all have a weakness for sandwiches, the best panel of the day was Locker Room Stories hosted by @wyshynski.

Brooks Laich, Eric Fehr and Aaron Volpatti told lots of redacted stories about pranks and superstitions that had us cracking up and other players’ ears ringing, even on their new teams.

We also decided that Brooks Laich should run for President.  He’s diplomatic and sensible all while being ridiculously charming and having great legs.  It’s a combination so powerful the law should overlook the fact he wasn’t born in the USA.

It wasn’t me.

Deb and Pam capped off their weekend with Caps practice yesterday, which I sadly missed.  Perhaps it was for the best, considering this happened:

Yup, I’ll just stay over.  Behind the glass.  Sitting on my hands.

Welcome back, Monday.

So of course we were in the front row.

Rockin’ the Red with Rae and Pam

For this…

BAM!  No beard.  Hallelujah and also merci.  I’ll give you the hair, Greener, if you save the beard for the playoffs.

BTdubs, these were not taken with a zoom.  Where’s Harry Potter when you need him to “accidentally” make some glass disappear?

Then we could have taken care of this Caps second biggest grooming issue:

“You don’t like my flow?”

Other highlights included Nicky getting pissed because you said he looked like a woman in his roster photo:

But he had the fair Swedish curls going, so you took it all back.

Meet our new favorite Capital, Joey Crabb.  It’s a little unfair how much comic relief this team has.

Ovi told Elliot that his all-time favorite NHL player is Dale Hunter.  Oooh, burn.

Don’t get all funny and witty now, Alex.  I still don’t like you.

It was nice to see the familiar face of Tom Poti, BU alum and Caps defenseman who hasn’t played in two calendar years due to various injuries.  He may be in the lineup for Saturday’s season opener.

Neuvy and Holtby, our illustrious goaltending duo (Rae loves goalies):

At the end of the practice a few players answered fan questions.  Someone asked Matt Hendricks for his favorite Gangnam Style dance move – but Fehr claimed he didn’t know it.  IMPOSSIBLE, I say.

Luckily Troy Brouwer bailed him out:

We died.  The crowd died.  Completely overloaded with traffic, Twitter briefly changed it’s “overloaded” screen to a picture to that lasso move instead of the birds lifting a whale. Here’s the video.  TB20 really went for it, loved it long time, and will now be invited to every wedding in DC this year.

Here’s our view, complete with Rae and I screaming:

What do you think, Mike?

Amen, buddy.  Overall, a great night.  I couldn’t be more excited for hockey.

Cause of death: Mike Green with this dog.

Mike and Piggy.

Why is this picture killing me so much?  Why do I love a shirt that’s kind of ugly and doesn’t even really match his pants?  Who has bacon behind the camera, because the dog is ready to bolt?  These questions I’ll have to answer from the Great Beyond.

The Capitals Canine Calendar is out, featuring players and their pets or shelter pups from the Washington Animal Rescue League.  You can see all the pics here [link] and buy calendars at Kettler IcePlex or on the 100 level of Verizon Center during December games.  Prepare to swoon.

Troy brought his own dogs to the shoot.

Neuvy and Hagrid's dog, Fang.

Nicky is scared of dogs, so they brought a puppy just for him! And I thought Nicky was the puppy the Caps brought just for us.

Take me home tonight...

Karl, always charming everyone.

And just to make sure I’m not alone in the afterlife, you can bury Gator right next to me.

DAMN, CARLY.

Sorry, I digressed!  Can you blame a girl?  Mike was back on the Twitter this weekend – without revealing where he was going (or why, since the Caps were home and he was practicing), he dropped this gem of practical wisdom.  Some might say “Wear socks in the middle of winter,” but they don’t know how warm moccasins can be.

Press three for Intern Jeff Skinner.

Mike was as excited as Gator and I about the Caps putting together a serious, solid win.  Ovi had a goal (haven’t typed that in a long time), Nicky and Jeff Halpern each 1 G/1 A, Troy Brouwer had a Gordie Howe hat trick and iCarly rocked 1 G/2 A.  That’s two three-point games in a row for John!  Someone told him Gator wants points for Christmas.  He had a beast of a game and was named First Star.

Santa's coming?! I know him!!

Sasha Fierce missed two games with a minor shoulder injury, and was back in the lineup last night with 15+ min of ice time.  No points for Semin (in his last 5 games), but dear God we can’t have everything!  Settle for the Caps’s PK clicking, killing 6 of 7 minors.  Overall their PK ranks 24th in the NHL – and it’s usually Sasha in the box anyway.  Could it be the Capitals are getting back on track?

Favorite fake Twitter of the day.

Tweeting while biking it’s easy (I once texted Gator from the elliptical, almost resulted in me going on injured reserve), but it’s worth it.  Last night gave everyone a lot of hope, something the Caps sorely need.  Now if they can string together a few wins under Hunter, Ovi can figure his shit out and Mikey can get back in the lineup, we’ll be in business.  And if he can’t play, at least he should cheer where we can hear/read it.

Favorite real Twitter of the day.

(Instances in which I will forgive the your vs. you’re error are limited to big wins, hockey players and social media.  And so begin my dropping standards.)

Gator: “I can’t believe you like Mike Green.  He’s so….”

Pants: “… Mike Green.”

And that is the only explanation, besides falling down and looking so relieved when he scores a goal.  Case in Point:

Caps Breakaway – “Who Drives the Worst Car on the Team?” [link]

Call us old. Get bad picture.

Troy Brouwer says it’s Mike with his white SAAB.  Then he calls Mike a “middle aged man.”

Be adorable. Get adorable picture.

Mike cites his own white SAAB.  Then brings up the scooter.

Meanwhile the winner is really Brooks for some old car he had…

Drive crap car. Still get girls.

that is apparently from between WWII (says Nicky)…

Smile. It distracts people while you make fun of them.

 and Ovi’s grandfather’s birth.  In 1968.  When they made Escalades.

Show only bottom teeth. No one notices gap on the top.

First of all, the warm-up skate.  Mike Green, no helmet, cruising around like the Fresh Prince in Summertime – “Two miles an hour so everybody sees you.”  Yes, he’s fresh from the barber shop and basketball courts in the summer got girls there.  I am telling you this guy does his hair with a mascara wand.

Bonus Round: Troy Brouwer.  Gator might be trading in both halves of Carlzer for the new guy.  Welcome to DC!

And the Hurricanes.  As I Tweeted, Eric Staal in person is a MAJOR AWARD.  Carolina, you are now at the top of the WUYS Road Trip List.

And Intern Jeff Skinner is… such an intern.  He can’t stop moving (not for a second) and just runs around the ice like a puppy who ate a whole birthday cake, grinning from ear to ear.  We might have to start paying him for being so adorbs.

Then the game.  EStaal gave my fantasy team 2 goals and 1 assist, and Intern Jeff Skinner had 3 assists.  Show off!  It wasn’t enough though because every Capital had a point.  Sasha Fierce scored on this sick breakaway pass from iCarly [link]:

Brooks scored on a wrister from Ovi & Nicky [link], and Nicky had a couple of big hits in the game.  Everyone was on the board and I said to Gator, “All we need now is a Mike to score on a pass from Nicky!”  Right?!  This whole “I control the universe” thing is getting a little out of control.  The Canes tied the game with just 1:19 to play and then in overtime, this happened:

From stam-bam-thankyou-maam.tumblr.com

Yes, that’s Mike with the OT winner from Nicky just like I ordered.  And Wideman  for the fantasy team bonus!.  In real life it looked like:

I tackled Gator.  It was pandemonium and Mike was First Star AGAIN.  That’s two games in a row!  GAME OVER, thank you very much.  Mikey post-game interview here.  Post game Pants & Gator:

Tonight, it’s Stammertime.  We won’t even know which way to look.