Getting to the gold medal game was no easy feat for Canada.  Getting up at 7 AM on a Sunday was not easy for me.  Good thing we both brought our A games.

If I scripted yesterday’s gold medal match, it would go something like:

Jonathan Toews scores the first goal.  Squint and you can see his superhero outfit showing around the edges of his hockey gear.  There is nothing not to love and admire about the way Jon plays game.  He is a hero – his goal the game-winner, his heart the fiercest.

See, I sound like some Disney schmaltz already.

Then, without scoring a goal in the entire Olympic tournament, Sidney Crosby would find himself on a breakaway and put one past the goalie.  The Rangers goalie.  He doesn’t have to score to be Sid but damn it would feel good to shut people up.

After that he’d lose his helmet, just in case you didn’t remember what you were dreaming about before the early morning alarm.

At the break, some genius would drown out Milbury and Roenick with a shot of John Tavares looking sharp in a suit.  Gone is Friday’s ugly striped tie.  We’ll credit his adorable girlfriend with that one – now she’s really got the best seat in the house.

Canada would steer, if not quite dominate, the game – enough to allow my heart rate to drop below DEFCON ONE.  In the third, just to crush any comeback hopes, much-maligned Chris Kunitz would get his first goal of the Olympics.  Too little, too late?  Sock monkey, don’t care.

When the buzzer sounded, joy would erupt.  Hugs would fly.  Toews would fall on his ass in the net in celebration.

Aaaaaand there’s a GIF of this. Bless everyone.

Sid would do this.

PK Subban would emerge in full gear and help John make it onto the ice without crutches.

The anthem would play.  Medals would be distributed.  Toews would smile and derp at the same time, a combination previously thought impossible by science.

Jamie Benn would have a haircut and a bit of a shiner, practically raising his hand in the front row and begging to be Foxy Friday.

John would be the most polite person on Earth.

Thankyounod.

Sid would get teased, right up until they put that medal around his neck.

There would be moments to pluck your heartstrings:

Hair to envy:

And smiles for days.

My favorites would all line up, John’s pain over the season-ending injury would be eased and Matt Duchene would be gracefully grateful for his chance to step into the lineup.

And after, Team Canada would stay for the closing ceremonies.  Their victorious captain would do a mad dash backstage, searching for a pair of black pants to wear to the event.  Of course no one else’s pants would be up to task.

Alison would offer $50 to anyone who dropped something in front of Crosby, getting him to try to bend over in borrowed pants.  I say we can come up with a lot more cash than that.

Mike Smith would carry Marty St. Louis on his shoulders in the closing ceremonies Parade of Nations.

Is it called “Parade of Nations” or am I just thinking of EPCOT?

At the end we’d all turn our eyes toward the remaining NHL season.  Or later, if need be.  Hopes and dreams – the chase has just begun.

• Full Gold Medal game recap (Canada)
• Full game replay (US)
• Post-game Crosby interview

Epilogue: I wish we could have given Team USA a better ending.  Bronze at least. After Saturday, I can’t handle a replay of all the Sad Kaner Faces – or anyone talking about him as a failure.  Bad day.  Incredibly player.  Anyone who thinks otherwise based on one (or two) games, isn’t watching much hockey.

The players all look so happy – almost as happy as I would be if this were a t-shirt shop and I had a bag full of Canadian money.  Collect all 48!

There are moments when, as part of the unfreezing process, you have no inner monologue.  So here’s mine, in yellow and red, as this was going through my mind out loud:

Toews love-fest from the Calgary Sun

Family Photo!

Click photo for larger version – from Sporting News

Hey, zoom in!

These two.

Or maybe…

Now with MORE arrows!

There are more videos at TSN (right sidebar).  Endless footage of fit guys running around sounds like the perfect way to spend a Tuesday.

Coming Soon: another round of The Bachelorette.  But first this bonus round…

Will JT91 be named next captain of the Islanders? – NHL.com

And click this one for the new desktop wallpaper of your life:

You’re welcome.  Love, Canada

Source: Twitter

There is a space for volunteers.  AND IT IS BLANK.

Alas, the enterprise of TSN is not to be underestimated.  They were live on the scene with camera equipment, like any good reality-based programming would be.  To honor their commitment, we present Team Canada hopefuls in…

If you don’t watch The Bachelorette… well neither do I.  But I enjoy the scathing wit and hilarious nicknames of BachCap on lostangelesblog.com.  In that spirit, we bring you this season’s contestants [full video].  At first there are so many, you can only categorize them as:

The Hot One

Too obvious?  No.  One guy is always really, really ridiculously good looking.  Out of the girl’s league.  Out of everyone’s league.  You kind of hate him until you find out he rescues puppies and shovels snow for old ladies and reads iambic pentameter to goldfish.  Then you just wonder what on Earth kind of moisturizer Sidney Crosby uses.

The Married Guy

One contestant always looks like a fake.  Like he told his wife he’d be in Shanghai on business for two weeks and will only confess/divorce to being on The Bachelorette if he doesn’t get kicked off in the first episode.  To cement the role, Duncan Keith obviously has a newborn child at home.

The Confidence Guy

We don’t mean “con man” in this sense, we mean the guy who walks into a room and instantly makes everyone feel like they skipped a shower and borrowed Mom’s favorite cat sweatshirt on laundry day.  You look at this guy and wonder why you even try.  Then Confidence Guy brings you a beer, asks about your favorite book and the entire TV audience is in love with Steven Stamkos before the Bachelorette even comes down the stairs.

The Kid

The Bachelorette’s first words will be, “He’s too young for me.”  Then she’ll gush – and we mean GUSH – about how energetic, enthusiastic and positive he is, how he has less baggage and his whole outlook is rosy.  Because this chick didn’t become the Bachelorette by having a series of great relationships.  Basically the last Bachelor liked her soooooooo much that he almost just barely didn’t ask some other girl to marry him.  After that, Taylor Hall looks like freshly fallen snow.  In a Lululemon pullover.

The Sleeper

He’s cute.  He’s nice.  There’s an embarrassing on camera moment, during a pontoon boat-and-private island luau group date where she forgets his name.  He’s completely adequate in every unchallenging way, which is why suddenly there are only three roses left and this guy’s still in the room.  The he busts out his guitar for an a capella, “You don’t know you’re beautiful… That’s What Makes You Beautiful!” and BAM.  The Hot Guy’s crying the back of a limo and Corey Crawford’s on the cover of People Magazine.

The Hair

Any date involving motorcycle rides, surfing or the general blowing of a fair breeze and the camera will zoom in for a slow motion hair flip that no girl could pull of so coquettishly.  You may not remember Braden’s name, but calling him The Dread Pirate Roberts will be the highlight of your Monday night.

The Freshman

Not to be mistaken for The Kid, The Freshman is old enough to play the game.  In fact he memorized the rule book, the strategy guide, the bylaws and did ALL the homework before he was dressed a half an hour early for the limo pickup.  He’s more ready for this than the Bachelorette herself.  Just wait till the Hometown date – every mom in TV land has been screaming for the Bachelorette to pick John Tavares.

The Quiet One

A lot of guys make a lot of noise.  The Quiet One waits it out, a bashful smile here and there, and a smart Bachelorette takes the bait.  When this guy gets the first one-on-one date, none of the other contestants can even remember what Patrice looks like.  But we know.

The Bad Boy

Let’s be honest, Bachelorette.  James Neal is not going to call you back.  John Tavares will call you 57 times before James even reads the text you sent.  You’ll only answer John’s call in case that’s the very moment James calls and gets voicemail.  What if he doesn’t leave a message?  Will your phone show a missed call?  James is the first guy the Bachelorette is making out with – and no one knows that better than he does.

There’s SO much more from camp already:

• Hockey Canada Press Conference video – Sid, Shea Weber, Roberto Luongo, Bergeron, Rick Nash at the 39 minute mark
• Team Canada ball hockey scrimmage with photo gallery.
• This picture of John Tavares.
• All in their uniforms, on their way to school work.
• Everybody in shorts.  I mean everybody.  (More contestants to be introduced as The Bachelorette continues.)
• Crosby at golf.  Full length.  Oh, Stammer‘s there too.
• We are still #TeamEbs.

I could go on all day.  Thanks to Lindsay and Alison for 100% legwork on these photos.  There will be new guys, nicknames and a few will even be voted off, but you must wait until the next episode of The Bachelorette.

My response: I have been telling you this FOR YEARS.

And then, because truth is better than fiction, this:

Not because I wish I were Canadian.  Not even because Crosby is my favorite player on my favorite team.  Just because, as everyone realized for a few short days, hockey is awesome.

Maybe I’m a terrible American for how much I wanted this.  The US fought their hearts out, but this was the right ending for the story.  Just like our favorite Miracle on Ice story, sometimes fairy tales come true.

All the WUYS faves: Crosby, Iggy, Joey, Nash-ty, EStaal, TGB Doughty, Weber plus Old Man Neidermayer and Toews isn't even derping in the top corner.

On a not-so-side note, I feel this is also the opportunity to just put this out into the universe and hope someone is listening:  come back soon.  We miss you, the Pens miss you, heck I think even Dawn misses hating on you.   Today TSN read a roster of 40 players currently out with concussions (40!).  I held my breath hoping they weren’t going to say your name, that maybe you were surprising us all.  But there you were, almost last on the list.  It feels wrong to chase the Cup without you.