Pic from hockeychickchat.tumblr.com

I do. To which Sidney Crosby replies:

Very welcome.

The Penguins play in DC tonight. Which means they are in DC right now. Which means an NSA satellite is probably reading this post and assessing whether or not I pose a security risk.

:: Kanye shrug ::

There is so much going on in that photo, I don’t even care that he’s wearing a chain like it’s Labor Day 2003 in Cape May, NJ. Once again, pockets have an existential crisis over failure to perform their basic function. If you’ve never contemplated the cosmic mystery of the Dorito ratio, allow my other favorite Captain to demonstrate…

GIF: Captain America eating Doritos

But I digress. Where will the Pens rank when the season ends in TWO GAMES? Who will they face in the playoffs? Will Crosby shave off what is honestly some great facial hair he has going on? He is grooming it now, thank heaven. From scraggle four days ago:

To sleek two days ago (presumably the same day as the shirt photo above):

Source: Frameworth Sports

@Alisonsykora is worried about these important matters, and you should be too. Because I cannot have any thoughts past this.

Click at your own risk: Larger version

Really. I can’t.

NHL MAN MADNESS 2016 WINNER: SIDNEY CROSBY

That shirt voted for Sid

66% of the vote went to Sid. He wold clearly have preferred 87%, but this is a higher percentage than he got in wins over Letang, Ekblad and Price. What can I say? We Eastern Conference girls have a lot to choose from.

Click for a larger version

So, you like Sid. Hey, me too! I didn’t even vote, that’s how fair I wanted this to be. Now that I know you’re right ( smile), what does that say about you/us? We also like:

• superstitions
• peanut butter & jelly sandwiches
• dogs

:: hearts ::

Things you don’t like:

• referees
• Flyers
• selfies

Of course, you are also fans of:

Are you getting my best side?

I mean athleticism, guys! From the greatest player in the game!

I went to work like this.

Oh, you are no help. If you don’t think Crosby’s the best player in the game, well, everyone’s entitled to be wrong sometimes. (jk)

Took him 10 years to get the roster photo right.

But I think most people can appreciate his… bonus features.

You thought I was going to say “assets.”

There are gold medals and a Stanley Cup and trophies all over the place, not to mention the Penguins hot streak of late. Sid was NHL 1st Star for the month of March.

Currently 3rd in points this season

And his 600th career assist, notched this weekend.

gif from wearelookingathestars.tumblr.com

You all know how I feel about Sid, and now you know how the majority of other people (who voted in this poll) feel too. I could go on for… the 5 1/2 years this blog has existed, in fact. But this is the .gif I have bookmarked in my browser, probably my favorite go-to Sid of all time.

Right in the feels.

If you’re a Pens fan, you’re really enjoying the games right now. And maybe a little extra in-game. Let’s hope we get to enjoy that all the way till June.

gif by maljic.tumblr.com

And if you’re not a Pens fan, there ‘s still plenty of off-ice Crosby to keep you, um, occupied.

gif from puckducky.tumblr.com

So congratulations to Sidney Crosby, NHL Man Madness 2016 Winner. The competition where we all win.

A+ Captain

PS: Super thanks to all those whose gifs are included here. Visit their sites, y’all. But only if you have nothing to do for about a week.

Took him 10 years to get the roster photo right.

Click for larger version

The NHL Man Madness 2016 Bracket Challenge Final: Sidney Crosby v Jamie Benn

This is the gold standard.

Wow, that is a lot of yes. It’s the best hypothetical situation ever – so great, it can only be summed up by our spirit animal Emma Stone performing Lip Sync Battle on Jimmy Fallon:

Everybody hands go up

Sidney Crosby cleared Carey Price handily, with nearly 70% of the vote. This I understand. I mean, they don’t even make pockets you can put this in.

Jamie Benn, however, surprises me a little. I get it – I can clearly see what you’re voting for here – but I though Tyler would take this one. Instead, Jamie earned a whopping 75% of the vote. I sent Chuck to check on Tyler, just in case(s).

So what’ll it be?

Choose…

Brunette? Canadian? Captain? All of the above?

Wisely.

Yeah, that’s no help.

VOTE HERE: NHL Man Madness 2016 FINAL

You have until 2 PM on Monday to make this terrible, heartbreaking choice… and win either way. So be sure to take this very seriously.

:: roar ::

Or not.

He looks so much like Gabriel Macht here.

Here we are, at four. That’s fewer names than you’re allowed on your “island”, your “celebrity five” or your “get out of monogamy free card”, whatever you call it. (Unless you are me. I’ve been know that say, “Sid is the list.”)

Click for larger version

Carey Price v Sidney Crosby

You love Carey Price. I don’t get it – or I’ve never really tried – so this one will remain a mystery to me! Stamkos fared slightly better than Bergeron, Faulk or Ericksson, which is to say that he got more than 35% of the vote. And so Price moves on confidently.

I think he can hear me blogging.

If Sidney Crosby hadn’t won, I would have tampered with these election results. Trust me, I am not above a little espionage to keep things right with the world! Luckily, while twenty-nothing-year old Aaron Ekblad made a surprisingly strong show (39%!), Crosby won this fair and square.

It’s all the things.

Now, you must choose. I won’t tell you what to do…

Subliminal messaging

Or who to vote for…

It’s not my fault he looks like this.

But I trust you’ll do the right thing.

Be his wingman any day.

KIDDING! Well, not really, but here are some Carey Price gifs to balance the universe and deter charges of election tampering.

He does look like a nice guy.

I mean, the man can wear a scarf.

Who’d probably bring you coffee.

And not every guy looks good in a belt buckle.

Yeehaw.

Tyler Seguin v Jamie Benn

It was always coming down to this. Entire fictional/aspirational lives are built on just such a conundrum – Peeta v Gale, Edward v Jacob, Ron v Harry, and presumably a great many that exist outside young adult books, but not with this kind of angst. I mean, they’re BEST FRIENDS. They are a set. And they’re possibly more in love with each other than they could ever be with you.

They can’t make us choose.

Tyler faced a worthy opponent in Zach Parise, who got a whopping 44% of the vote. I am shocked! But only one winning smile can win the day. Jamie struggled early, but ended up beating Gabe the Babe with 64%.

Now, by choosing only one of Tyler or Jamie, you could choose none – because they’d likely choose each other. Or you could destroy this fanfic-worthy bromance and ruin everything. That’s right, with just one click.

Life is hard.

So, Tyler?

He knows who he’d choose. Or does he?

Or Jamie?

Come on, just a little?

Left?

All about that bass (layer) – or not.

Or Right?

Need a ride home?

Cake?

Dessert-related. We’re not picky.

Or Death?

Not quite the same.

Man, that is tough. Seguin is a human gif-machine but Benn is so adorkable. Either way, can you really lose?

VOTE HERE: NHL Man Madness Final Four

The poll will be open until Noon EST Friday. As they say: vote early, vote awesome!

]]> http://whatsupyasieve.com/2016/03/30/nhl-man-madness-final-four/feed/ 2 http://whatsupyasieve.com/2016/03/28/nhl-man-madness-round-2-vote-on/ http://whatsupyasieve.com/2016/03/28/nhl-man-madness-round-2-vote-on/#comments Mon, 28 Mar 2016 16:02:01 +0000 http://whatsupyasieve.com/?p=22748 Well that was a lot of nothing. Sorry, Professor Perfect Bergeron fans, but Carey Price dismantled him in the run-off category.

Nnnnnot that close.

So we proceed as before – NHL Man Madness 2016 Quarterfinal: VOTE HERE

Click for a larger version

To aid in these decisions, here’s a helpful visual guide.

Carey Price v Steven Stamkos

The Goalie and the Natural

I’ve never paid much any attention to Carey Price, but y’all love him. And I use “y’all” to demonstrate the one thing I know about Carey Price – he’s a cowboy. He can do horse-related things and also survival, which according to many Twitter comments would make his useful in case of zombie apocalypse. (No one suggested he compete on “Naked and Afraid” which frankly calls into question this whole bracket challenge.)

Judo chop!

I submit to you that as living off the land and shooting-while-running are exceptional skills, Stamkos is not without off-ice talents of his own.

You decide what’s more likely. The Walking Dead Reality Show or a young adult fiction series-turned-Hollywood blockbuster series starring a 60-goal scorer.

Sidney Crosby v Aaron Ekblad

Hate to see you leave but love to see you walk away.

Hahahaha, kidding. I’m kidding! That is so unfair.

The Kid and the actual kid

Tyler Seguin v Zach Parise

The Bad Boy and the Good Guy

That’s really fair, though, right? Finding a photo of Seguin with a shirt (and pants) on is not that easy. But don’t rule Zach out – he did take down Toews, after all.

Smile. People will wonder what you’re up to.

I’m just not sure anyone can stand up to Tyler.

He just couldn’t reach a towel. In a room full of towels.

Gabriel Landeskog v Jamie Benn

This bracket is the toughest for me by a mile. They’re both so… it’s impossible. Gabe refuses to wear a shirt, even while making you breakfast. Jamie can’t not be a dork. Not even for a second. Not even with his shirt off! It’s Kryptonite.

The Surprise and the Sure Thing

To assist myself, we enter this evidence before the court:

The Swedish Chef

The “I Can’t Be Sure it’s an Innuendo because it’s Jamie Benn”

Guess I’ll have to spend all day looking Google Image searching them to aid in my decision making (aka just continue what I’ve been doing all morning).

VOTE HERE: NHL Man Madness 2016 – Quarterfinal

Go on, take your time. Research these decisions. Quarterfinal voting will end Wednesday, March 30 at Noon Eastern.

]]> http://whatsupyasieve.com/2016/03/28/nhl-man-madness-round-2-vote-on/feed/ 3 http://whatsupyasieve.com/2016/02/23/its-only-tuesday/ http://whatsupyasieve.com/2016/02/23/its-only-tuesday/#comments Tue, 23 Feb 2016 16:15:45 +0000 http://whatsupyasieve.com/?p=22682 To commemorate the week so far (and so I don’t have to go scrolling through Twitter in two years when I want to reference this), a post about two really important things.

Jonathan Toews joined Twitter.

If you use “eh” in a sentence, you are exempt from all grammar rules.

I spent my drive to work trying to come up with a joke about how now, we all have to pronounce the “w” in Twitter as a “v”, like in Toews. I didn’t quite get there.

Most Canadian cover photo ever.

So far, Jon has made fun of Andrew Shaw (check), apologized for a loss (check) and – I swear you can’t make this up – used “jk.” He is basically us at age 14, only Andrew Shaw was (probably) not born yet.

The only capital letter Toews cares about is the C on his sweater.

Remember when Jonathan Toews was no fun? Like, at all? He even went as Grumpy for Halloween… which was ironic, because referencing his grumpiness was one of the first steps toward casting it off. If it were 2012, we would hardly recognize this guy.

Part-time model profile pic

In related news, everyone loves Jonathan Toews. More than ever. [Second City Hockey, Sun Times, Bar Down]

And remember, we are communication professionals. Will work for hockey.

Pro tip.

The other important thing for future reference (and Chromecasting onto a big screen):

The Penguins played horseshoes. #shirtsoptional

All the feels. Thanks for joining us on the Carolina/Florida trip, Dads!https://t.co/Fi6Dt3GYBb

— Pittsburgh Penguins (@penguins) February 22, 2016

Maybe I shouldn’t be looking at my phone while walking. But honestly, Pittsburgh, warn a girl! I may have veered wildly across a sidewalk during DC rush hour upon seeing this grace my screen. The video loaded. Wifi buffered. Particle beams shot through space and a satellite fell from the sky but still I COULD NOT WATCH IT.

So I went into the nearby hotel lobby and calmly stole the password from their reception desk.

Julia informs me this is Brian Dumolin. My eyes were seared by Sid’s paleness.

I have a new appreciation for horseshoes. Previously a game I’ve only seen played by small cousins and large rednecks, it suddenly seems a pursuit worth dedicating my life to. On this beach, with the lovely crystal waves crashing.

And maybe even one day, a tan.

If this whole hockey thing doesn’t work out for the Pens, they could always open an off-season Club Med.

Flowers love the sun.

Pittsburgh, currently holding the last Wild Card spot in the East, plays at Boston tomorrow night on NBCSN. The Hawks, who are first in the West, host Nashville on Thursday night on the same network. Two nights of Roenick and Milbury… might almost be worth it for all this.

If you want me girl let me know…

Can’t lose with an *N Sync joke, right? That should be a slam dunk.

But no.

Got a phil-ing about some nachos in this picture.

Bahahasnortlaughahaha! PHIL-ings! I’ve got Phil-ings about your bowl haircut and what you insist on wearing, Kessel, but nothing this funny. I see him laughing at all the guys traded to/from the Leafs today, while at the same time silently shaking his head, “No, God no!” at Stamkos.

This one also made me snarf. The word “horn” always makes me laugh like a 7th grader in health class-slash-Georgia Nicholson.

Tell me someone’s read Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging.

The Sid card is cute…

C is for 4 point games and other things that don’t start with C.

But it’s not as good or true as this:

just say yes

Here are all the Penguins Valentine’s. Honorable mention for the adoration derp they caught on Kris Letang’s face:

Me, when I see the sign for In-N-Out Burger.

You know I hate to say it, but some of these Flyers Valentine’s are pretty funny. If you’re into orange and liking things you hate.

Cupid Giroux should have matching wrist casts. If you can play beer pong…

I assume these Bolts cards are from 2016, because if people have been saying “bae” for over a year I’ll feel even more despair about American culture. (Update: These are from last year. I give up on you, American youth.)

When the NHL adopts it, you know a trend is over.

Did I miss any teams that have 2016 cards? The Predators did Valentines last year [link], but I’m not sure how they could top the weird and scared feeling this conveyed:

There are conventions for this kind of mascot stuff.

We’ll be on the lookout for more cards this week, even thought all our PHIL-ings may be committed already.

Last night, Sid scored three very necessary goals to lead the Penguins to a 6-5 victory over Ottawa.

I won’t take credit for this particular scoring surge, but ask Lindsay if it might be the result of a conversation we had yesterday. I once ended the lockout, you know.

Hopefully this is a sign for the Pens, who currently hold the last EC wild card slot. The East is all jammed up: seven teams within two points, and all for third in the division.

Look at that goal differential . Holy Caps.

On Monday, Sid told press, “Our playoffs basically start now.” And he kinda smiled when he said it. [Video]

Somebody got a new hat.

While you were enjoying the Penguins goals and wondering WTAF they were doing between goals, I was practicing yoga with this Sid workout clip.

(Bless @Kiki5851 for finding this.)

Except I only managed Shavasana, where you lay on the floor looking dead while trying to compose yourself. I have elite skills.

Bonus feature.

Then, the Twitters told me that freshly-returned-from-injury Connor McDavid did this:

Well, shit. That is an amazing goal. Tell me again what you were doing in 1997, when he was born? My Home Ec class egg baby is older than Connor McDavid. (Haha, #TeamEggBaby it is!)

Alas, I saw no actual hockey AGAIN. I will be sending this post to the suggestion box at NHL TV – which probably does work, because obviously.

Times I Don’t Care That You Insist on Wearing  Chain

Stop looking at me, swan.

That’s it. That’s the whole list.

I will also begin a new list: Reasons We Have 47 Twitter Notifications Before 10 AM

The single listed item will be the same.

As ever, he is the list.

Here’s a Southern California tourism video designed to fool you into moving to SoCal for five years where you will never once see this…

A day off in Southern California? Sounds like the perfect time for beach volleyball. https://t.co/zCjJqmB79h

— Pittsburgh Penguins (@penguins) December 3, 2015

Unless you buy a really big TV and watch Top Gun. [Obligatory scene here]

California dreamin’, on such a winter’s day.

It’s going to have to be one of those 4K Ultra TVs. Maybe with 3D.

Duper would be your wingman any time.

It’s okay if Hornqvist is your favorite Penguin after watching this clip. Ian Cole’s gingerbeard and cat snuggling were pretty impressive,  but this is a whole new level.

The Pens spanked the Sharks 5-1 on Tuesday night, and don’t play again until they face the Kings at 4PM on Saturday. That leaves alllllllll day tomorrow for more beach volleyball. In case anyone (else) is interested.

The highest of fives.

So, while I wait for my fat pants to finish in the dryer, here is a list of five hockey-related things we are thankful for, because they just keep giving.

Toews is fun now. Take a moment to remember the Jonathan Toews you met years ago.

I still call my mom for recipes too.

And Jonathan Toews of today.

Cowabunga, dude.

Was it all that exposure to Blackhawks TV that changed him? Time spent with Kaner?Or is it just winning that opened his three-times-too-serious sized heart? It might have been his little dog, too.

The Sidstache. Be honest, you kind of like it! Maybe I am speaking for myself, but it’s not that bad this Movember. It’s still a mustache, and I cannot imagine a world in which I’d support mustaches for no charitable reason, but at least it looks mostly like a real mustache. And hey, it gets a whole month to grow. I am just preparing myself for what Sid will look like a month into the playoffs this season. When the choices are mustache or golf shoes, this mustache is looking pretty sweet.

At least you can tell it’s supposed to be a mustache.

Cabbie Presents… exactly what You were thinking. Cabbie is our spirit animal in the mainstream (okay, Canadian) media world. He takes what we are thinking, saying and even secretly wishing for, and makes it for everyone.  The Sid Selfie? Tavares Man Bun? Endless gems – and exactly the videos we’d make if it were safe for us to be within selfie range.

Please let this escalate into choreographed dancing.

Inside jokes. There are so many hockey references that make me laugh, a few have to do with in-game moments. From Intern Jeff Skinner to thinking “Girls love” every time Malkin is a dork, a lot of our random chatter keeps the game close to our hearts. Maybe Toews is doing a squat in Spanx right now (he would, on Thanksgiving, that overachiever). If Tavares is celebrating American Thanksgiving, I guarantee his fat pants are khakis! And no matter how much you eat, rest assured that Steven Stamkos is definitely thinking, “Hey girl.”

At his induction to the Intern Hall of Fame

YOU. We are thankful for everyone who reads WUYS, and especially the many of you who interact with us and each other both here and on social media. You guys are the funny, smart backbone of this place! You send us the best ideas and carry on inside jokes we would otherwise only have with ourselves. Thanks to all of you this blog is still skating along five (5!) years later.

Okay, a hug from us isn’t this good.

Your turn! Leave your hockey-related gratitude in the comments below. It’ll give us ideas for future posts, and maybe open our eyes to a few things we’ve missed in the first quarter of this season.

Happy Thanksgiving, Americans! And to all our Canadian friends, there is plenty for you too.

Me, circa 7PM tonight.

Dan Potash knows what news we can use.

Instant, full-volume inner monologue:

Outside the glass-slash-TV screen.

It’s a understatement to say  the Crosbot is off to a slow start this season. With 3 G and 7 A, his 10 points rank him 134th in the League. This from a guy who finished third in goals last year, and was only beaten on the very last day. The Pens, however, have turned around the struggle bus around and are now 4th in the East (8th in the League) with 24 points.

So what’s the most superstitious guy in the locker room League world to do?

pic.twitter.com/T5gw59x803

— Stephanie (@myregularface) November 20, 2015

He actually changed something. Is the world ending? Look outside. Have you seen any locusts today? How about frogs? If you see one, RUN. A plague may follow.

Even websites that are not this blog are talking about it:  Sporting News | Pensburgh | All of Twitter

From so-hockey-eh.tumblr.com, hashtagged #hishairlookssuper90shere

I imagine Sid debating “warm-up helmet” vs. “peanut butter-and-something-not-jelly” at length. Perhaps he called a friend (John Tavares) who used graph paper to plot the pros and cons (John Tavares).  He didn’t just throw off his helmet in the tunnel and ask Duper to hockey-stick his hair.

Or maybe he did.

https://twitter.com/brittamulaney/status/667491594250166272

Either way, it worked. It even works with that mustache (er, in spite of the mustache). And it worked in real life, as Sid scored the game winning goal vs. Colorado. You know what that means.

:: hair ruffle ::

Forever. Or at least longer than the mustache lasts, a girl can hope.

Full report at 11.

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal!

IT’S A PIG! Named Truffles! It is in the Pens & Paws annual animal rescue calendar and isn’t it precious?!

You can see the whole video here. For highlights, there are hockey players and dogs:

For the life of me, I can;tt get a screencap without the arrow on his backside.

And puppies:

PUPPIES LOVE

And pets who’ve surpassed WUYS’ squad goals:

This pup rolls deep.

Stealing the show is our new favorite Penguin-slash-gingerbeard savior and fan of  teensy kittens and squatty fat cats alike, Ian Cole.

I’m calling him Cat Cafe Cole from now on.

We have evidence of the first ever wild animal to try to escape from Geno’s massive grasp:

It doesn’t work, of course.

And Sid comparing body types with this hunky guy.

How much do you squat?

Let’s get one more look at this.

:: internet sigh ::

And, hey, since we have it…

The dog is looking for his agent, because he was supposed to be the cutest one here.

Link to more photos.

We’ll let you know when calendars go on sale. The proceeds will benefit the Animal Rescue League and Wildlife Center. As the proud (er, obsessed) parent of a rescue pet, allow me to remind you: Adopt, Don’t Shop!

If you want to laugh at my dog obsession, enjoy. Instagram: blue.houla.

When I saw this:

My first thought was:

Then my interfriends kindly informed me this was from a commercial – an actual mini movie – in which other such ovary-punching moments are included.

What was that you said?

Yeah, that’s what I heard.

Lindsay’s expert analysis of this photo: “The lighting is all 90’s, reminds me of The Cutting Edge.”

If Sid scraps the scuff, he could be Doug Dorsey for Halloween.

Sportsnet always has good hockey content (compared to the US, who doesn’t?), and I love their new campaign. Apparently the players love it too – and they don’t want to leave.

These are all things Intern Jeff Skinner thought he’d be doing when he signed up to work at WUYS.

Throwing away Penguins and Bruins-looking hockey paraphenalia, pretending it smells.

Ping pong and video games, while growing his hair out. Can you see the promise of a man-bun lurking here? Headman and Doughty are one real opponent away from asking to borrow a hair tie. (And being told no, because no.)

Fixing things with athletic tape – Jeff actually does this, though we requier duct tape because we have standards and you can buy duct tape with Minions or Justin Beiber printed on it. If he could roll some duct tape into a hair tie, we might concede the man-bun.

Eating french fries. As if there are any fries left when Intern Jeff finishes getting our lunches. He’s on a strict diet of orange slices and Capri Sun like the rest of the kids on his school bus. Plus, Tyler Seguin eats fries like he’s asking Leonardo DiCaprio to draw his nude portrait in Titanic. That is how you get us to share our floating door in the North Sea, friends.

Napping. We don’t let Intern Jeff sleep on the job, but we will let him carry in the new couch we just ordered in case Crosby ever shows up here. And none of this standard-cushion-size stuff, we went for the oversize, extra-sturdy, big & tall model. Cros can hardly fit his backside on SportsNet’s little sofa.

(Bonus: Unintentional slightly early screencap that defines my life.)

Hey, if that doesn’t work out for Intern Jeff Skinner, he could always get  gig helping out at Sportsnet:

Here’s some BTS from what look like a lot more Sportsnet commercials yet to come…

Behind-the-scenes, we like to put hockey's brightest stars like @RealStamkos91, @dewyy8 and @ErikKarlsson65 to work. https://t.co/8eel944LY3

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) September 21, 2015

Trust that if ever Crosby doesn’t look sweaty enough for something, this is not how we’re going to fix it:

One more, to illustrate me trying to leave my desk today when people keep sending more things to blog about:

The #NHL's #BrightestStars have the on-ice skills down, but we're still working on their acting chops. #outtakes https://t.co/M9YCgpzVw5

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) October 1, 2015

Bear with us as I have no idea how to use some new WordPress features and these pictures look a little drunk.

I have high hopes for a pirate Halloween costume.

Take this in: Sidney Crosby woke up on roster photo day and did not shave. Good gosh. He probably ironed the folds in his living room curtains, ate a PB&J at exactly 8:07 AM, put his clothes on in order of threadcount, but he did not shave. Crazy, right?

No. Because everyone’s doing it.

And for JT, I’m thinking Indiana Jones for Halloween.

Literally everyone. John Tavares, who are you? Is that a kinda-beard? For someone who doesn’t know what hipsters are, you’re looking pretty… pretty. Like a pumpkin spice latte wrapped in a houndstooth scarf that insists on riding its bike until the first snow falls. Gotta get to that middle school science class you’re teaching!

You know, Indiana Jones was a kind of science teacher.

Please let scruff be this season’s thing. We’ve had long hair and tattoos creeping toward necks-slash-featuring graveyards and… #ScruffWatch2015, please. A season-long build up to BeardWatch could be just the inspiration we all need!

Right guy, wrong movie.

Here are links if you’re the type to enjoy a HUGE version of Sid’s photo. Just give up, everyone else. (There appear to be a few pixels missing right under his nose. Clearly a Flyers fan Photoshop hack, yes?)  Here’s the entire Penguins headshot gallery.

Also enjoy the Islanders roster, looking monochromatically dramatic.

These pictures are gigantic. You could make a life-sized cardboard cutout of John Tavares… and marry it. (I say “you” because I am already married. Is it polygamy to marry a photo? What if it just rides shotgun while I drive in the carpool lane?)

“Listen up Fives, a Ten is speaking.”

[Note: I can’t find a single .gif of Princess Unikitty from The Lego Movie saying, “Marry a marshmallow!” and my despair nearly derailed this whole post.]

As promised.

For heaven’s sake, even Kessel is rocking a gingerbeard, because he reads important news sources like this blog. Let the makeover begin.

Make that a Pittsburgh Ten

Hockey is upon us and I, for one, am not ready. Starbucks can sling all the pumpkin spice mochachocalattas they want, but it just doesn’t feel like fall until I see this:

Okay, now it’s fall.

Our friend Heather is a spare-time ace photographer, and took these gorgeous shots at Penguins training camp. In the spirit of autumn, we are very thankful! Follow her at @HeatherWeikel to see more photos throughout the season.

More than missing hockey, I’ve missed seeing this:

And obviously someone studied up on our blog before coming to Pittsburgh. This is almost a makeover right? I mean, maybe Phil’s a DIY kind of guy, and took on his own makeover the way we decorate our houses: Pinterest. Gingerbeards are in, friend. Long may yours reign. (Call us before you buy clothes, though. And don’t ask Crosby if your pants fit okay.)

In case you were worried the departure of absurdly handsome Robert Bortuzzo would dampen Sunshine’s smile, Heather has proven otherwise.

Though we trust he’ll be sneaking in a St. Louis game now and then – with us, of course.

While Geno is just wishing there were a porpoise or an armadillo around to hug.

We’re all looking forward to the season… and Sid knows it.

If I did this right (unlikely, TBH), you can click on any photo for a super hi-res version. All photos belong to Heather, so please Tweet her if you’d like to use one, see more or just say, “MORE PLEASE.”

It’s been 131 days since we did a blog post and honestly, it’s all that sloth’s fault. Look how cute he is! Big smile, no thumbs – it’s so hard to type when we’re bursting into Kristen Bell-type tears all day long.

But hockey season is nearly upon us. Sorry sloth, time to get back to work.

And how should we begin? For what did I reset my forgotten password? For this, I say.

Bangs. Scruff. Or something of each sort, Sid-style. Which is more than enough for us.

Right?

Of course right.

These are from Sid’s new CCM commercial for the “Made of Hockey” campaign. See the video on Instagram here. Bonus: voiceover. The sloth doesn’t speak English but he’s purring.

Hmm, maybe it’s a girl sloth.

Tumblr also supplied the breaking news that Sid danced at a wedding:

Photo by unknown heroic person

If there’s something more awkward than Sid dancing, it’s… well, probably every other moment of his life. But we can promise you one thing: the unpictured groom filed a prenup on the day Sid’s RSVP arrived for this wedding. Judging by the photo, that prenup probably wasn’t detailed enough to include the bride’s dress trying to open itself at the back.

[Visit Crosby’s new house: WPXI 11 News]

We are gearing up for the new season, starting by figuring out who the heck is on our teams now. There will also be blogging. I am even going to Canada tomorrow – really, they are letting me in! It’s for work, but a visit to the Hockey Hall of Fame should give me the appropriate kick in the the shorts. I hear there’s a World Cup of Hockey press event… what’s the exchange rate on bail again?

For now, we say this. And that the Penguins will win the Cup this year. (Chuck’s offline for a few days before she can delete that!)

But two drinks in, the bridesmaids are yelling, “DIBS!” and making shanks out of bobby pins.

The dads, like Alison’s dad there on the left (not really), are warming up their, “Have you met my daughter?” speeches.

While the groomsmen try not to look too drunk…

Even if they have to count reaaalllllyyy sllooowwwlllly…

And the married guys keep interrupting their attempts to flirt,

When they’re not laughing because they know how much an open bar costs.

But no matter how hard they try, there is always one guy who ends up going home alone.

Here are the full photo gallery and PensTV Video. Celina talks so fast that I am out of breath before they even get to Crosby, but this is something you’d (er, I would) probably pay a fortune to attend.  There is far less chance of physical embarrassment dealing cards than carrying plates, and I can’t help thinking Beau Bennett is a lot safer in this low-impact environment.

Twenty bucks says that Ehrhoff, tired of being left out, rigs the Secret Santa so he can buy Letang a selfie stick.

Because he knows we love guys in glasses.

The Dallas Stars also had a casino night this week. Furthering their quest to be Your Favorite Team, here’s video in which Jamie Benn admits his favorite part is “mingling with the female crowd” who sit at his table.

No shame if you just tried to buy a ticket for next year’s event like this:

Because:

So:

Smile, there are girls watching.

Yeah, I’m a sucker.  Check out video of Crosby & friends surprising the Little Penguins hockey camp yesterday.

You can tell Flower has a kid, because he is not afraid to pick them up and spin them around and tackle them. The rest of this is like a Meeting of the Future Hot Dads of Western Pennsylvania:

It’s an omelet!

Sorry, wrong picture.

Then I surprised her with flowers and…

Yeah, that one. As usual, the kids are having fun, but the guys are having even more.

Do they make those socks in long?

Does this make you want to have kids? I showed it to my mom, who gave me “Disappointed Parent Re: Failure to Procreate Face”, then pronounced MAF her favorite Penguin. He has not let her down.

Go forward, tiny human.

The Little Penguins program, which Crosby sponsors, outfits kids with head-to-toe gear and they participate in camps. There are even some girls-only camps, because girls rule.

Video: Crosby at Little Pens practice in 2013

It’s not nice to make fun of people, unless they’re Borts. That’s okay.

Here’s a story on it from USA Today, plus a few shots on Penguins’ Instagram and Snapchat, if you know how to use that. Maybe these kids could teach me after hockey practice.

This game is called “What’s Wrong With Our Power Play!”

No surprise there.

PensTV has a video feature from the event. Everyone is always having so much fun, from the players to the kids. And who wouldn’t? Bowling makes awkward lumps of us all – except apparently Simon Despres, who owns his own bowling gear.

Work hard, play hard.

For most, even professional athletes, bowling is a great equalizer where success comes accidentally but often enough that you feel you might just actually get the hang of this someday. If not, there’s usually a crane game and maybe even karaoke.

Is it easier to bowl with long arms?

Not Geno, though. He’s a pro. He’s Grease lightning. He bowled two strikes in a row. [Video]

I am score.

How’d everyone else do?

I cannot work Snapchat, people.

Coach Johnston (who I think of as “Coach J,” as if he’s my own coach) seems like a kindly high school principal, guiding his charges into adulthood with calm and poise. I have the urge to ask him what to do with my future, so he can explain it in a way that makes me realize I knew all along.

Right, BSutts? Right.

Check out a few more photos at Make A Wish of GPA & WV. I leave you with this:

All that, and snacks too.

Donations to Make-a-Wish (still tax deductible through April 15!) can be made at www.wish.org.

The title of Foxy Friday has occasionally been awarded to a collection of things (plaid suits, glasses) to great as to define the genre.  Today’s honorees take it to a whole new level.

San Jose Sharks “Holiday Sweater”

The Sharks have an amazing history of holiday videos, but they can stop now. There’s no topping this throwback karaoke masterpiece, complete with semi-choreographed white guy dancing and someone holding a block of cheese.

It goes on forever. Literally.  Make sure you stay for the scene after the credits, then check out this much-needed infographic.

How BU does it.

Capitals Holiday Video [that’s a link]

This dork-fest is gloriously unscripted and runs the ultimate test of improv comedy – who will laugh first, us or them?

Almost enough right to fix all this wrong.

A wink of the eye to how intentionally awful the whole thing is – the Caps tried to enter the NHL ugly sweater contest. What’s the prize? Is it Caps tickets?

Ecard versions – send ’em to your mom.

Penguins Holiday Video [also a link]

If I were going to re-enact a Christmas movie, it wouldn’t be Christmas Vacation (duh, Love Actually), and if I were going to have the Penguins remake a movie, it wouldn’t a Christmas movie (Newsies, anyone? Oh yes.).  But as commitment to awkwardness goes, this Penguins’ holiday video is a Best Picture nominee.

Beau should’ve worn the hat.

My movie would of course feature Beau and Borts in matching costumes.  I might even cover Crosby up to dampen his attractiveness – and fail, badly.

Is this a cowlneck shirt? Could this be worse?

There’s nothing in this, however, as good as the “Sieze the Day” sing-along going on in my mind.

Chicago Blackhawks All-Star Campaign Videos

Just as you’re having the happiest of holiday video viewing sessions, the Blackhawks show up to ruin it by, well… being the Blackhawks.  We should be used to it by now.  They’re not even promoting Christmas because nothing under your tree could be this good.

Ice Bucket challenge Spanx = no tanlines!

What the hell is happening here and how do I make it rule the Earth? Is that what we’re voting for? I’m pretty sure Chuck and I came up with this idea while a) drunk and b) watching that Crystal Light aerobics championship video set to Taylor Swift for the 900th time.  The Blackhawks must be reading our GChats.

You guys saw that, right? I didn’t hallucinate?

Toews is the original Canadian dream, which sounds like the tagline for an ice cream treat made with maple syrup, and it’s finally proven, scientifically, that he is fun now.  We have created a monster.

Players gonna…

It would appear there will be (already are?) videos promoting Bickell, Sharp, Keith, Kane and jazzercize.  The wait might actually kill me.

I’m getting this on a shirt.

And this on the back.

Good luck, next Friday, on coming anywhere close to this.