um .. did I say Ugly? nah .. I’d take a ride into the boards with these guys ANY DAY!

LA’s Dennis the Menace

It wasn’t either team’s best game but the Kings still came out on top. Which begs the question: Come Saturday – will the Coyotes bring it or will they be swept and wept?

Kopi’s not ready for summer yet!

Shane Doan takes Trevor Lewis’ face for a wipe board. OK-  he did turn but a delayed penalty had already been called for slashing on BROWN so all Doan needed to do was reach for the puck – not take Lewis’ face for a ride. He got thrown out which was appropriate – IN MY OPINION.

Mike Smith slashes Dustin Brown in the back of the knees. They get MATCHING penalties because the ref thinks Brown is embellishing – HELLO! Anyone who gets the craps smacked out of the back of their knees with a goalie stick by a 6’3” MONSTER isn’t embellishing ANYTHING.

As one commentator said, “If that was acting, it’s some of the best to come out of Hollywood in years!”

Then Hanzal decides ride Brown into the boards like a whore on Saturday night. Fellas, I get it, you’re frustrated. You got your asses handed to you by an 8^th seed team for a second night. But this is UNACCEPTABLE.

Then – my favorite of the night – Dustin “Pancakes” Penner decides enough is enough and when a scrum breaks out to quell it, he just sits on Antoine Vermette. Awesomesauce. Nothing says shut your face like a 6’ 4” manbeast sitting on your lame ass.

Oh did I mention that Jeff Carter, man of the hour, got a natural hat trick? The first one for the Kings in the play-offs since  – oh – Wayne Gretzky in 1993? Yeah … that happen too last night!

HAPPY SUTTER/ANGRY SUTTER

OH WHAT A NIGHT! Feel good about that one guys. Mad respect for your play. But I knew that –

Good thing I had already selected this week’s Foxy Friday: Shane Doan.

Things that are foxy:

– Birthdays the day, but not the year, before mine (Libras FTW!)

– Smiling even more than Intern Jeff Skinner

– Wilderness activities

– Eligible for my fantasy hockey team, The Hot Dads

– Still in the playoffs

Captain Coyote and his troops will begin their Western Conference Final series again the LA Kings on Sunday.  This season marks the first time the Coyotes have ever made it past the first round, and now they’re through the second.

Shane grew up in Alberta at his parents’ ranch that was also a Christian summer camp.  Doan debuted with the Winnipeg Jets in 1995, then moved the next year with the team to Phoenix.  He’s been in the desert ever since.

He and his brother were contestants on a Canadian reality TV show called “Mantracker” in April 2011.  They outpaced a professional tracker for 36 hours to win their segment.  I’m sure this is very exciting, but frankly Canada, I am not impressed.  Given the collective foxiness of your citizenry, I suggest something more like Canada’s Next Top Model Winter Athlete Who Does Squats.

Perhaps categories on this show can include wearing suspenders and squatting 200 pounds.  Contestants should also have a sense of humor for things like this:

Late in 2005, Doan was involved in a controversial defamation case against a Canadian Parliamentarian for an alleged on-ice derrogatory comment [link].  He’s been suspended twice (10/10 and 3/12).  This season, he had 50 points and has 6 so far in the playoffs.

I am so happy to see Shane Doan this late in the playoffs.  He’s one of those guys that’s been around forever and this could be his best shot at a Cup before retirement.  Can the Coyotes stop the landslide that is the LA Kings?  Can this beard grow all the way up to his ears?  We’ll find out soon enough.

Included in our Puck Daddy: Playoff Beard Watch this week, because we love it.

In this year’s Stanley Cup Playoffs, the fates select which beards will have a chance to realize their true potential.

Five teams remain. Five beards (OK, six) have emerged as top contenders for Beard of the Year.

None of these teams made it past the second round last season, so the promise of greater bearded glory shines bright. Some faces are familiar, some are new. All are hairy.

Read more [HERE]

Hey Shane, no need to get angry .. you’re moving on in the series but staying in Phoenix! You just won the Lottery!

Ya just can’t mess with the force – dude.

I think there was a grand disturbance in the force when Chewie tapped into the dark side and smashed Hans Solo’s head into the boards in an earlier series and sometimes karmic galactic payback is a bitch.

Chewie will now be able to make it back to Kashyyyk in time to celebrate Life Day.

You shall not move … I command it.

Lord Vader Shanahan needs souls to keep doling out his brand of justice

So now the Conference Finals are set for the West Coast – Phoenix vs. LA Kings.

No question that’s a dirty play.  Daniel Sedin struggled back to the bench, played one more shift then went to the dressing room [link].  Keith got an elbowing minor and now everyone fully expects him to be suspended.

Shane Doan just got Shanabanned 3 games for elbowing Jamie Benn [link].  Mike Green served 3 games.  But this looks more like Rene Bourque’s hit on Nicklas Backstrom (grrrrrrrrr) that earned a 5-game suspension.  Both Borque and Doan are repeat offenders – this would be Keith’s first suspension.  (Green’s previous suspension was more than 18 months ago, so not classified as a repeat offender – link.)

The NHL has not yet announced a hearing, but with four days till the Hawks play again there is no rush.  Sedin will be re-evaluated today in Vancouver and any sustained injury considered in the case against Keith.  Henrik Sedin spoke after the game, saying Keith “did what he wanted to do” [link].

The Canucks are comfortably atop their Division and could still catch St. Louis for 1st in the West and the President’s Trophy [standings].  That dream takes a dive if they lose Sedin – their only 30-goal scorer on the year.  They play tomorrow night at Dallas.

Doan and Keith have both been publicly contrite about their hits [link], but who cares?  Time to start thinking before you get your elbows up, boys.  If you can’t do it for safety at least do it for your teams down the stretch.  But really, do it for safety.

 Teemu got his 651st goal by the end of the night.

 Little Danny Briere put on his big boy pants and got in his third ever fight and had a hat trick to boot.

Shane Doan got his first hat trick EVER with .o1 to go – YES and the Coyotes have really needed SOMETHING to get their party started.

And faster than you can say “Excuse me but does this stick in the face make me look fat?” the PA put the hammer down on the realignment and the Blue Jackets have fired their coach. Whew. There was a crap load of exciting hockey happening this weekend and I didn’t even cover Corey Perry’s hat trick  – wait I just did.

So if you missed any of it, I suggest you watch the above because it was pure hockey magic. A banner weekend of nuggeted hockey gold wrapped tightly like a firecracker that exploded a little late for the new year but we’ll take it any way!

Squishy: "So they pose like this...." Shane: "No, the mannequin's hand is higher."

There are quick shots of Kaner, Ovi, Shane Doan, Squishy, Corey Perry, Logan Couture (short hair!) and his girlfriend and even Intern Jeff Skinner, who took our advice and wore short sleeves to show off his manly arms.

As usual though, Steven hogs the spotlight.  The guy can’t help it!  his hair is too long, he needs Gator to iron his shirt and he doesn’t even do anything in this video, but if you can resist him you might be a robot.

The best thing about this, of course, is that it means October is right around the corner.