Firing squad awaits the cannon

Thanks to the players who really came to play – not play like they do in competition every day, but the fun kind where the fans get to play along.  Specifically, thank you because:

You looked great.

You should see my shoes.

Really great.

No, they’re my shoes.

Like “This Foxy Friday will be used against you in a court of law” great.

18 and counting

You made new friends.

No one can resist the plaid jacket.

You saw old friends.

First rule of red carpets: Don’t arrive right after Seguin.

And trolled them.

“Hi Chuck.” “No – Hello Chuck.”

You talked a lot of trash.

No one at NHL had a real notebook.

You took a selfie.

Do you see something behind me?

You got drunk.

It was this guy.

You forgot your new friend’s name.

Also, I don’t know where Long Island is.

He forgave you. Mostly.

:: internal eye roll ::

You took more selfies.

Just add kids!

You didn’t win a car.

Because you didn’t pass the sobriety test.

Then you did win a car! But you weren’t the only one.

#RNHAllStarStud

Either way, you won our hearts.

Right in the ovaries.

Even if just for a moment.

My hatred is no match for this moment of perfection.

Even if you weren’t the MVP.

We would never get your name wrong.

Most of all you made us forget all the guys who weren’t there, from the Subban-type snubs to the Crosby-esque casualites. Maybe the weekend could have been even better… but we didn’t miss them.  So thanks for this weekend, and see you next year in Nashville.

The Ice Bucket Challenge began in July in support of ALS research.  Read more about it here and hire Frates & Quinn for more marketing campaigns.  The movement has raised over $4 million, up nearly +$3 million over this period last year.  Everyone is doing it:  Justin Timberlake, Matt Lauer, even Chuck did it!  Now we joke around, but this is a great cause, funding important research.  If you’re able to donate, please visit www.alsa.org.

And if you’re going to start a trend, please let it involve most of the NHL in what amounts to a wet t-shirt contest.  (So you know – this took forever to compile.  I watched hours of videos.  It was grueling but I’m willing to work hard for you guys.)

Me: “No.  No way.  No way!”

Crosby Ice Bucket Challenge video. I first saw an Ice Bucket Challenge video on 8/7, when 87 accepted the dare on his birthday.  I wondered for a moment it was real, or if I’d woken up in a fanfic – A Connecticut Yankee in Sidney Crosby’s Driveway, maybe.

Now who needs a cold shower?

Since then, everywhere you look an NHL player is taking the plunge.  So here you have them, the very Best of the Ice Bucket Challenge videos.

The “This Looks Familiar”

Matt Duchene Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Does Sid’s video have two blue buckets, a shovel and a black SUV in the background?  Eagle-eyed Alison noticed this is the same spot.  Just two dudes, pouring water on themselves and videotaping it for the internet.

Matt could have at least brushed his hair for Sid’s party.

Matt woke up 4 minutes ago.

Bonus points to Matt for nominating country singer Thomas Rhett, one of my favorites (who was also nominated by Justin Moore – the singer, not my husband).

The Intern Project

We said Tavares should wear a tighter shirt – so we know Intern Jeff Skinner still reads this blog.  This t-shirt is left over from Jeff’s high school days, since we haven’t paid him for a day of work since then.  And white?!  What a flirt.  Remember when he didn’t want girls paying attention?

Team Tank Top

Lindsay informs me that ‘dude tank tops’ are very much the style in Canada.  I assume everyone there looks like an NHL player and so this has my full support.

Steven Stamkos Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Careful using your dog to up the ante here, Stammer.  You’re no slouch but he’s pretty freaking cute.

Let me tuck my chain into my tank top first.

Taylor Hall Ice Bucket Challenge video.  #TeamHallsy starts his video off so seriously, you’d think he spent the summer doing Shakespeare in the Park.  It’s deceptively tall-seeming thespian work.

The world is mine oyster,
Which I, with stick, shall open.

Jordan Eberle Ice Bucket Challenge video. Uncceptable resolution for #TeamEbs.  He’s got to keep up with Taylor!  Zach Boychuck, get a new phone right this instant.  Adorable hair-fixing though, since Jordan knows we are watching.

Especially after this is Zack Boychuck’s video.  How is that fair?  His biceps are theatrically lit by the sun itself, giver of all life!

Also sporting the Official Boy Band Uniform is, of course, #TeamSchultzy.  Did they have a conference call about what to wear?  Or does matchy-matchiness come as naturally to them?

The “Dallas Stars Really Want to Be Your Favorite Team” 

Tyler Seguin never met a shirt he couldn’t take off.  Or something he couldn’t hit on.  I swear he just invited a charitable cause and a bucket of water back to his place, and don’t stop rolling that tape.

Jamie Benn’s Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Jamie would like to take this opportunity to remind you his hair is DEVASTATING and that he’s skinny now.  (Too skinny?  A little?)  Never mind that tattoo of a graveyard on his bicep – they needed a place to bury me anyway.

Benn-d and Snap

In case you don’t love Jamie, he Tweeted the “Girl in a Country Song” video.  This is everything that’s right with the world.

Also from the Stars, Rich Peverly apparently runs a daycare in the summer – and stuns them momentarily quiet with this challenge.  They are pretty sure their moms have said not to throw stuff.

The Other Birthday Boy

It’s a shame I’ll never see #TeamSam again, because I cannot add any more teams to my list nor can I stay up late enough to watch the Coyotes.  Sam Gagner did the Ice Bucket Challenge on his birthday, complete with a cake, a beard AND a white shirt. Presents for everyone.

The NSFMyLife

John Tavares Ice Bucket Challenge video.  There’s b-roll of John then his shirt off and jumping in the pool right?  That’ll be the deleted scene on the DVD?

Is this going to be on the test?

What I really can’t handle is his deep, teacher-y voice.  If he started talking about the Large Hadron Collider, I’d faint.

That Time Gabe Wore a Shirt

Gabriel Landeskog’s Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Perhaps the quaint, old-world and presumably Swedish setting calls for a top, but frankly we’re a bit disappointed in Gabe’s efforts to carry the shirtless-boat-selfie banner this summer. He gets named captain and suddenly it’s all business and no instructional pancake videos.

The US judges give this a 6.

He’s 21,  You Guys – I Swear

And that was not me at the end with the extra bucket of water.  Promise.

Guys Chuck Likes

The Bruins should hire Chuck to shoot their videos, because their Ice Bucket Challenges are astonishingly low-res.  Remember why you don’t watch hockey in standard def anymore?  Even dearest Patrice couldn’t get good production values:

Lucic is in focus – if that’s a good thing.  He looks like the unpopular kid at Camp Anawanna.  Stand up straight, man!

Kim Bauer Did It

Oh yeah, and her husband too.  The Phaneufs Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Alison loves these guys.  I just feel bad that 24 made Elisha get scared by a mountain lion and abducted by a loner in a bunker in the woods around LA.  Jack Bauer would disown that mess.

I think we’d all be friend with Elisha in real life.

The “Of Course Patrick Kane Has a Water Slide”

He probably has a slide from every single window of the house into that pool.  (This was a life plan action item for me and Gator.  Awaiting our invitations, Kaner.)  Toews is so much fun these days, where’s his bucket?

Coach Q is My Favorite Coach

Many coaches, front office staff and even mascots have gotten in on the Challenge, but Coach Q’s laugh is the best.

My Goalie is a Banana

What can I say?  I trust this man with my GAA.  They even gave the baby a bucket, in case she wanted to party.  Marc Andre Fleury Ice Bucket Challenge video

Just wait till you start dating, Baby Flower.  Dad is ready.

Which is Better than Mr. Potato Head

Oh Jordan, we miss you around the Penguins.

The Hot Dads

“Hey, if I’m doing this, we’re all doing it.  Then we’re going for ice cream.”

Chris Kunitz Ice Bucket Challenge video.  From the man who dressed as a sock monkey, of course.  Mrs. Kunitz challenged Paul Martin – thanks, girl.  (Paul Martin Ice Bucket Challenge video)

Little Miss Kunitz says she’ll just donate cash.

Pascal Dupuis Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Dear Universe, Please make the Dupuis Family into a TV show.  They’ve already created the poster:

No idea Duper had a half-sleeve, or that I’d like it so much.

Craig Adams Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Craig used a garbage can for his ice bucket and the family wore matching gubernatorial campaign shirts.  Just saying, that’s a Harvard man.  (The shirts are in honor of Anne’s father, former MA Governor Paul Cellucci, who died of ALS in 2013.  Thanks to Chuck and Anne for update.)

Vote early, vote often.

The Overachievers

Keith Yandle (who actually has a face under that beard) went pretty big – three buckets vs. white t-shirt.  His best move was calling out BizNasty, of course.  Talk about bigger.

You know Biz loves it when we say “bigger.”  He challenged some big names too, though we bet no one does it in their skivvies.  Read about Biz getting his friends to donate their time and money to put this together here.  And notice that TMZ covered a hockey player.

The Suits

Max Talbot Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Max is responsible now.  He has a wife and a baby and if he wants to pour ice water over his head in a suit and tie he will, damn it!  He’s like Frank the Tank, you can’t reign him in.

Business in the front, party in the shoes.

Robert Bortuzzo Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Borts, what is that tie?!  Is the inflatable duck to distract from the tie?  It’s not working.  Also the shades on the duck + the white button down – this is going Risky Business later, isn’t it?  We’re going to need the extended edition Blu-ray combo pack.

This yard wants to party, Project X-style.

Almost everyone’s done the Ice Bucket Challenge.  I couldn’t include or even get close to watching them all.  Notable exceptions are Gingeroux, newly married Mike Green (yeah right, on that hair?) and James Neal.  I worry this means Nealmobile really had no friends, because no one has challenged him.  Though he is on this pretty definitive list of players who’ve supposedly participated (here).  Did I miss his video somewhere?

While we wait, check out the Tumblr dedicated to the Ice Bucket Challenge.

Guys, hold me back.

This week is the 3rd Annual Jordan Eberle & Friends golf tournament for the Hospitals of Regina Foundation.  The event included a fundraising dinner called the Centre Ice Classic last night, featuring, as promised, Ebs & friends:

Bachelorette casting call, right this way.

Someone finally took our bachelor auction idea and put it to work – sort of.  People bid on spots to golf with celebrities, like #TeamHallsy:

There’s a pic of Gagner in this shirt, I swear.  

He went for $10,000?!  Does it guarantee he wears this chambray shirt? That’s $9,372.94 US dollars – @amandalitty and @jfrancesw might need some donations to reach that mark. We should do a Kickstarter campaign, yes?  Hell, this freaking guy raised $44,022 to make freaking salad!  We’d have enough left over to get something nicer better I’m kidding more expensive…

Just saying, that’s 50% more.  Those are expensive jeans.

Too bad this interview was before the auction, because I imagine the conversation would have been much more exciting after.

“Amanda and Jess just left me up there like….” while RNH gloats.

I don’t see where golfing with Ebs went for $44,023 USD, but I assume it happened because he’s got at least $1 more fair market value than potato salad.  I believe the auctioned golf happens today, so perhaps more pictures tomorrow.  Not that they could be cuter than this:

Higher-res, even cuter.

Since you’ll never get over that picture, or the hope #TeamBoyband will break into a choreographed dance routine involving folding chairs, remember this: with #TeamSam traded to every team in the League, Jordan Eberle is now the longest-serving Oiler in games played [link].  Feel old?  That’s what boybands do to a girl.

Completely gratuitous unrelated amazing photo. (source)

Now get to saving your money for next year.  Get a side job, rob a bank, we don’t care.  Save Hallsy!  Don’t make him give Amanda this look for spending all her money on nail polish when he put on that nice shirt and everything.

Enter this contest here, so #TeamHallsy feels loved.

As always, this post is tagged PUPPIES.  Because truth.

If you want to feel even older, fall asleep during an Oilers game and know that Ryan Nugent-Hopkins stayed up later than you did.

Pre-game interview, Post-game interview

He also scored a goal in his first game back from shoulder surgery, which catalyzed the Oilers to a 4-goal comeback and shootout win.

Thanks #TeamRNH.  Next time can you do that before, say, 11:30 PM Eastern?

#TeamHallsy also had a goal because Amanda bought a shirt with his number on it yesterday.  It’s like a gift with purchase (crooked hat not included).

Pre-game interview

Of course, #TeamEbs had the shootout winner.  Not to brag.

The Oilers new coach, Dallas Eakins, stood behind the bench and freakishly resembled the 10th (and best) Doctor Who.

Now to the fun stuff.  Thanks to everyone who sent this video of the Oilers Amazing Race.  Someday I will be on the real Amazing Race, and eliminated on day 1 because I cannot drive a stick shift.  It’s a recurring nightmare of mine.

The Oilers required no such skills… just a stretch SUV to deliver them.

Horrible decision, re-think immediately.

Not that I’m #TeamHallsy anyway, but obviously we’d make a terrible pair on the roads.  At least Yakupov is a worse driver than we are.

That’s a wall.

Hey, look what is an actual thing and not just #TeamShultz!  It’s the other Schultz (Nick), though.

Our #TeamSchultz is here, demonstrating horrendous 80’s movie-inspired karaoke skills.  I qualify for ALL of these teams.

Ryan’s into it.  He’s almost got jazz hands there.

Meanwhile #TeamEbs says, “I’ll just be over here, wearing my boyfriendsweater.”

And Sam Gagner replies, “Got nothing on my Hobbitsweater.”

This one’s for Chuck, plus Lindsay (#TeamGagner – can we just call it #TeamSam?) and Alison (#TeamSchultz).  Good luck ever getting produce, ladies.  Self-checkout is not for the faint of heart.  I’d feel better if Sam wore a cage 100% of the time to protect his broken jaw.

There is, of course, a moment in this event where WUYS took over planning and art direction.  That would be the Paddleboard Competition.

Everybody wins.

So welcome back Nuge, to the game, and the Oilers to the thrill of victory.  May you be disturbingly adorable all season.

Really, stop it.  You’re 12.

Keep it up, Oilers TV and you could make a run at Blackhawks TV for our favorite team marketing tool.  Rubber duckies are a good start, but you’ve got a long way to go to top Joey the Junior Reporter.

Please note, I have tagged this post PUPPIES!

#TeamEbs took over the NHL Instagram account and used the opportunity to make fun of Molly Ringwald.

Our favorite boy band also introduced an act at the Canadian Country Music Awards.  (All the things I love – hockey, Canada, country music – in one place.)

The NHL had their Media Day and Sidney Crosby took his hockey stick to the prom (again).

John Tavares was named the 14th captain of the USS NY Islanders.  Just when you think it can’t get more adorkable, he says “heck” in his speech, wears black shorts with black shoes and just about kills us all. (Press conference |  Interview)

He also did a… workout video.  That should be Rated R.  Hey!  I am not the one who says “explosive hip thrusts” fifty times.

Proof that JT91 is the nicest: Everyone says “Tavahhhres” while John says “TavAIRes.”  I bet he never corrects anyone.

Also, the Hawks went to a Bears game.

Resulting in the best Tweet of the weekend:

(Source: @Drunk_Kane88, thanks to @Brn_idPensGrl for the send.)

The Penguins annual season ticket delivery happened.  This would need to take place with said Penguin being delivered to my house in an ambulance, then my mom could drive him home after the EMTs take me away.

As per usual, Crosby went to zero houses where anyone under 60 lives.  He did sweat his was handsomely through the attention.

What’s cuter than awkward Sid?  GENO!  I have missed you!  He is 12 feet tall and doesn’t brush his hair.  Those are some Russian jeans he’s got on too.  Who cares?!  I want to hug him.

You can see them all at the Pens website, including this moment where Neal signs a baby.

Speaking of Penguins, it’s JStaal’s birthday today.  I miss him.  Let’s all take a moment to wish the Canes a good season, and then eat some cake.

Jordan was our very first Happy Birthday post in 2010, and again in 2011.

This happened two weeks ago and I never even saw it – The Mike Green Clinic on What Shoes to Wear With Golf Shorts:

Source: Twitter

Do you think d-men like Green and Seabs enjoy seeing scorers like Stammer and Bergy in the off-season?  One more from this tournament…

More photos here.

That’ll teach me to go on vacation.  Just wait until the season starts!  I may not survive.  I’m sure there’s more right now but I must work because that Game Center Live bill is coming soon too.

(Who am I kidding?  Start that workout video again.)

]]> http://whatsupyasieve.com/2013/09/10/summers-almost-gone/feed/ 12 http://whatsupyasieve.com/2013/04/12/birthday-boy-rnh/ http://whatsupyasieve.com/2013/04/12/birthday-boy-rnh/#comments Sat, 13 Apr 2013 01:28:57 +0000 http://wuys.wpengine.com/?p=15930 Guess who turns 20 today?

Wait, who?

Gabe, who has the best eyebrows in hockey?

And what does he tell “visitors” who want to stay past curfew?

Does that line actually work?

How often does he need an excuse?

Yeah, we can kinda see it.

As de facto stand-in Headmistress of #TeamRNH (until we find a full time hire), it’s really rude of my to almost miss Ry’s birthday.  Now he’s the same age as Gabe…. again.  Honestly!

The Oilers are off tonight.  Have a happy and appropriately of-age Canadian birthday, Molly Ringwald!

Thanks to Lemya @TheSequinedPuck) for the reminder.

It was a big game for #TeamEbs and the reunited Kid Line in St. Louis!  Jordan had two beautiful goals.  He almost scored his first NHL hat trick on a breakaway, but he and Taylor heard  @amandalitty was having a tough day and let #TeamHall score it on the rebound.  That’s what friends are for.

Remember when Ebs told Cabbie that his To Do List included, “Get in a better fight than Nuge” this year?  THAT WAS A JOKE, RIGHT?

Goals, like drinks, make guys think they can do crazy things. 

The Oilers got all 3 goals on the first 7 shots – they had only 19 in the game, compared to 43 by St. Louis.  YIKES.  That’s why the three stars were:

With so much talent, it’s tough to believe Edmonton ranks 12th in the West and 22nd overall.  The Kid Line has just 19 total goals on the season.  The Oilers are tied (with NYR) for 26th on offense, averaging 2.34 goals per game.  Their defense is middling (18th), giving up 2.75 goals against/game – but the bigger issue is shots.  Edmonton gives up more than any team in the League – 33+ per game.  That’s a lot of reliance on goaltending and a lot of time in the wrong zone.

We need more of this:

.gifs by toewslake.tumblr.com

Throw in some Schultz and Gagne, Yakupov and Hemsky, shake and voila: boyband hockey hugs.

.gif by cali-canuck.tumblr.com

I said it before the season started and I’m saying it again: The Oilers are going to make the playoffs (for the first time since ’06 when they lost in the Cup final to Carolina).

From GongshowGear.com

First of all, who researches these pants?  Do they go around measuring hockey players?  Or better yet, is there a back room and one of those tailor pedestals involved?  Then we could get a squat-test and time how long it takes to get them off… like Field Day at camp, it’s Field Day with Pants.  (See what I did there?)

All you need are some boots with the furrrrrrrr.

A liiiiiiiiiiiiiitle highher…

Secondly, I work for free.  You should see the pillow I sewed in 7th grade Home Ec class!  I’m resourceful too – in case I need to tie two tape measures together to get all the way around some of these boys.

Squats, squats, squats, squats, squats, squats…

“Hockey butt” is, of course, a real thing.  In ski racing we call is “Alpine Ass.”  With the popularity of backsides these days, perhaps I should have kept that up.  The topic was recently featured on ESPN.com and has a Facebook page.  Crosby’s custom jeans are legend.  It perhaps surprises no one that Gingergoux’s backside has it’s own Tumblr.

Yeah, we get it.

Don’t forget the less famous guys who are dragging some serious wagons.  In .gif form, you really have to wonder how iCarly even got these shorts on.

GAH, if only we could pause it! I can.

The phenomenon starts early.  I can guarantee RNH did not buy these shorts in Okalahoma City.

My favorite rap lyric of all time is, “Is that your ass, or’s your mama half reindeer?”  from ‘Shake Ya Tailfeather’ by Nelly.  It’s been on my running mix since 2007.  Today I really hope my work checks my internet search history.  That’ll be a fun meeting.

The best part of these Gongshow pants is the inside.  (Isn’t it always?)  Check out the waistband:

But what does the fly say?!  That’s your mission.  First person to send me a photo of the first word gets a prize.  Bonus points if it’s on a guy when you take it.

Extra bonus points if he can’t get them off.

Almost as exciting as Ebs’ NYE hat trick – 3 goals in 3 minutes! 

Showoff. [Post-Game Interview] #TeamEbs

Not to be outdone, Molly Ringwald leads the entire World Junior tournament with 11 points in 4 games.  Team Canada will face Team USA in the semi-final match tomorrow.  USA beat the Czechs 7-0 this morning, so RNH better bring it.

(He had 1 goal in Canada’s 2-1 win over USA last week.)

Like RNH, you could wake up to this message tomorrow morning.  Only it will be 4 AM here (Eastern)!  The game is on NHL Network.

(Hands up if you programmed this into your alarm clock already, followed by Billy Idol’s “Rock the Cradle of Love.”)

Sorry hockey, there’s no way I’d get out of bed for anyone at that hour.

Oh wait….

“SloVAKians.”  Hahaha.

(There are also Subban and Ovi wake-up calls.  Ovi’s new fiancee probably hears that every day!  The girls are patiently awaiting a Jonathan Toews wake-up call, if such a thing exists.  It would be far more effective for getting someone INTO bed, really.)

Please tell me this CCM Pro Summit camp in Vail back in November was like regular summer camp, and they’re rehearsing an end-of-season Talent Show dance routine.  Kellerman’s, anyone?  I carry a mean watermelon.

Look at Duchene desperately trying to avert his eyes.  Look away, look away… or just get out of my spot, Matty.   I’ll take it from here.

Is it too many 80’s references if I point out that somebody’s going to put Molly Ringwald in a corner?  He’s leading with the wrong leg.  Tavares in the back looks like he could do this all day.  As for Gabe, well, half of him is more than all of most people.

(We love @alisonsykora!)

There’s still one holdout, she’s over there.

The OKC Barons have won their last five games.  They’ve outscored their opponents 24 to 11.  Two of those games were against the Charlotte Checkers, who now lead the South Division by just two points.  The Barons are now second, and just four points off the AHL Western Conference Lead.

Lindsay texted me a shot of every page of this feature. She’s a hero.

In those five games:  Ebs has 5 goals, 5 assists and 5 points for Gryffindor since this mustache is really a thing.

RNH has 3 goals and 3 assists but you still have to look on an angle to see anything in the Movember department:

Hallsy has 1 goal and a whopping 10 assists.  It has not helped his mustache.

Although it is reflected a little in the glow of his recent award:

Barons defenseman Justin Schultz has 2 goals, 5 assists and some pretty decent facial hair going.

Photo by my birthday twin, @stat19!

Schultz  leads the Barons in overall points and even has a budding bromance with his roomate, RNH.  We are a little jealous!  They are thoughtful and sensitive and went to see Life of Pi together.  Pack him up when you head back to Edmonton, boys.

While Intern Jeff Skinner is not playing in Charlotte, he does not appreciate us rooting for their demise.  He came pretty close to swaying us with:

Shut up, this is awesome!

Not to be outdone, the Barons have a Star Wars Night (April 6) AND they have 80’s night on December 14.  In which none of these guys can play because they were born after 1990.  That’s how it works, right?  I’ll wear my slouch socks and you wear your side ponytail.

.gif by johnntavares.tumblr.com

 Uhh… .sorry.  What was I saying?

Oh yeah.  You can watch the Barons, or any other AHL game, live online at AHL TV.  Single games are $6.99 but honestly, at this point we should probably buy the whole season.

Emilio Estevez – Post-Game [link]

In which he calls a teammate “whats-his-name,” but you’d forgive him for that smile.  He could bring you a rescued puppy too.

Molly Ringwald – Post-Game

The lady who waxes my eyebrows would weep with joy over this video.  They are the kind of perfect shape that allows churches to be built so gracefully high.

We should go to this.  What are you doing this weekend?  We can fly to OKC on Friday and wear our Halloween costumes (Breakfast Club inspired, of course).

 Not a costume if you wear it every day!

The Barons are giving away cars, so we’ll have a ride home Sunday after our second game.

Seriously. How good do two hockey games sound right now?  We would obviously stay for post-game festivities and toe picking:

Following home games on October 28, January 13, April 7 and April 20, several members of the Barons will be available for a 45-minute postgame skate with the team. The Barons provide skates to rent at no charge or you may bring your own.

I used to do this back home with the Albany River Rats (now Devils).  Excellent awkward teen photos/memories were created, to be trotted out at my wedding.  Of course.

Chuck?  Not convinced?

Instead, we’re still on golf.

I’ll admit it: I saw this picture several times and never got past the gap in Jordan Eberle’s teeth.  Showstopper.

Then it came up with an AHL assignment article on Friday and hey there in the background!  Apparently’s Eb’s hospital benefit golf tourny in July was really a Battle of the Perfect Eyebrows.

The dress code must have stated “pretty-preppy, including collared shirts,” which Mike read as “whatever you wore to the bar last night.”

The other day, Caitlin suggested that Max Talbot was awfully Judd Nelson-like these days.  I had already been thinking that about Mike (also I just saw Pitch Perfect).  The clothes, hair, ink – check.  Mike so wants to be the bad boy with a heart of gold.  That means Eberle is Emilio Estevez and RNH is Molly Ringwald, but I don’t think they’d ever really get detention.

That short of breath feeling has nothing to do with altitude, y’all.

It’s just like summer camp, with Max as head counselor.  There are nature hikes:

Fishing  (Is there anything funnier than Matt Duchene?  Even when he’s not wearing waders?):

And bowling:

Apparently Gabe is not perfect in every way… lies. Show us proof.

When they’re not enjoying the great outdoors, rest assured the boys are working hard to be ready when the season starts on time (right?).

First their date at the Stanley Cup Finals in LA, now this – the Crosby and Duchene bromance is so promising! Sid can’t be all that boring if MD loves him.

What are they watching off-camera?  Landeskog do pushups?  Or more of this:

If they’re trying to rip this stick out of the guys’ hands, I volunteer to fail.  And then fall on top of whoever wins.

The Oilers Are Not The Canucks (from Nov. 19)

It’s not easy being a Chicago fan in Vancouver, but last Wednesday, I was at Rogers Arena when my lovely Blackhawks put the Canucks on the bus and took them to school. It was a thing of beauty.

 Thinking that I had finally broken my curse, wherein I cannot have nice things such as my favorite team beating my least favorite team, I packed up my Toews jersey and headed to Oil Country. Can we just take a minute to appreciate the frigid beauty that is Alberta?

"Eat your heart out, Fauxnadians!"

After their sexy, sexy win in Vancouver, the 1st-placed Hawks were coming to Edmonton following a rough 5-2 loss to the 27th-placed Calgary Flames. The Oilers, despite their hot start to the season, were looking to end a 4-game losing streak which had landed them in 13th place.

The oldest player on the Oilers roster. (Seriously though, this is my nephew... could you DIE?!)

Here is where I add my disclaimer: I like the Oilers. A lot. I’m pretty sure they are my second favorite team. So, if what was about to happen had to happen, I was glad that it was to the Oilers.

As any good fangirl will tell you, warm-ups are the best part of the game. Usually it’s because you’re allowed to stand next to the glass, even if you have nosebleed seats. If you have have not experienced the warm-ups, I highly recommend it. Because this happens:

Oh HAI Patrick Sharp! Whatcha doin'? Oh, just having a chit chat with the equipment dude and being the HANDSOMEST MAN IN THE UNIVERSE? That's cool, please carry on.

And this happens:

"Hhhhhhnnnnggggghhhhhhggggnnnnhhhhh."

Actually, let’s have more of that, shall we?

I suffer from a condition wherein the sight of Jonathan Toews in the flesh renders me a catatonic mess. That is the only thing stopping me from climbing the glass.

Oh, and did I mention I had BALLER seats?

Yes, I *may* have PVR'd Hockey Night In Canada just to look for myself on TV.

Well, as I’m sure you all know by now, after the puck dropped, all H-E-Double Hockey Sticks broke loose. In short, the Oilers played well and the Hawks crapped the bed. It was pretty embarrassing. To the point where my cousin came back after the second intermission, tossed a Taylor Hall jersey in my lap and said “You better put this on.”.  Anyway, Canadian beer is a lot stronger than American beer, so here is what I can remember:

Toews takes face-offs like a boss.

Ryan Nugent-Hopkins is an ultrasound, but he is really, really ridiculously good at hockey (5 Assists!)

Corey Crawford always looks like he’s going to cry, but when he’s ACTUALLY about to cry? It is quite possibly the saddest thing in the world. It was heartbreaking. If I was going to climb the glass for anything, it would have been to give him a hug.

Don't worry Crow... you're getting on a plane to Vegas in an hour. Go. Have a beer. Look at some naked ladies. You'll feel better. I promise.

Taylor Hall is hot. He shouldn’t be – he looks like an orangutan and a goldfish had a baby. Everything about his face is wrong, but somehow so right.

Ladies love a hatty!

Finally… you guys… Jonathan Toews watches the KissCam!

I wish I could find a nice girl like Kaner did.... *sighs*

Thank you to the lovely ladies of What’s Up, Ya Sieve? for letting me guest-post on their FABULOUS blog! Usually I just spout my nonsense in 140 characters or less on the Twitters (@jfrancesw) and this was my very first attempt at a blog. I hope it was up to the awesome WUYS standard!