Foxy Friday: Ryan Getzlaf

Ryan Getzlaf exists for two reasons:

• To make you laugh.
• To make his awkward friends feel extra-awkward, which in turn makes you laugh.

Make it three – he’s pretty good at hockey.

There was the classic Getzlaf vs. Ryan 2010 Vancouver Olympics comedy tour that extended all the way to the 2011 NHL Awards.   Bobby Ryan can keep up, but Getzlaf’s best is just dissolving uncomfortable teammate Corey Perry into giggles from which he cannot recover.

Or ragging Crosby because no one else will:

Or taking  the side-by-side matching Sochi toilets in stride:

If your first thought about Ryan Getzlaf for Foxy Friday is “he’s bald” well yes, we know.  He struggled a bit with just how to handle the hair situation…

… and kept hanging on a little too long.

It can’t be easy when you’re skating around this sick flow every day:

But really, we don’t care.  We applaud Ryan for finally just going the way nature was taking him anyway.  He can pull it off!  Bone structure, blue eyes and bald.  Is that an equation?  Or just the formula for Bruce Willis?  Either way, it works.

Instead of seeing it as a detriment, Ryan uses his crop top as a feature to accessorize.

Baby:

The Getzlafs have two sons and a daughter on the way.

Puppy:

Shorts:

Good deeds:

Gold medal:

Okay, that last one goes with everything.

Getz leads the Ducks with 79 points.  This is his first-ever 30G season, +5 over any previous total.  He’s been with the Ducks his entire 9-season career and was named captain at age 25 before the 2010 schedule began.  It wasn’t always an easy road, but the Ducks are now 3rd in the West, 2nd in the Pacific and would, if the playoffs started today, face their rival LA Kings in the first round.

What do you think, Ryan?

If Getz wants to do this again, his Ducks will have to survive a Western Conference post-season bloodbath.  Teams considerably better than most in the East will go out in the first round because… jeez, thank God for this playoff format.  Love, the Eastern Conference.

The #2 seeded Ducks went out in the first round last year, though it took seven games.  It’s safe to say that Ryan Getzlaf has at least a few more Fridays left in the 2013-14 season.

Come on in for an awkward celebratory hug.

We have enjoyed the women’s hockey very much, but so far the Olympics have too much figure skating.  I can’t take the pressure, the sheer shirts or the whole single/dual combat nature of the sport.  I need collective victory and shared blame.  I need teams.

So thank you, America, for winning your first game and doing so spectacularly.  At 8:30 AM I opened one eye, saw a 7-1 score and went back to sleep.  Highlights will suffice, especially those involving John Carlson (while he wears a helmet because this hair doesn’t translate into any language).

It was a multi-multi-point game for a lot of guys on the US roster and an excellent start to the tournament.

Almost as pretty as Patrick Kane’s smile in this McDonald’s commercial:

Now it’s time for Team Canada.  Am I excited?

Just a little bit?

Aw yeah.

Ggo out this weekend and celebrate.  If you’re American enjoying July 4th, we suggest you blast some Bryan Adams, then find a Canadian and hug him.

Agent Orange

Shea Weber is approaching Level ELMO.  He was somewhere between bath time and Rubber Duckie, now he’s leaning toward “Here fishy, fishy, fishy!”

Faster than you can say “a la peanut butter sandiwches!”, Shea will be getting trimming that beard clear of his eyes to see the ice.  By round 2 he’ll be combing and braiding it, perhaps in Preds colors.  Ryan Getzlaf is really pissed that Weber’s growing gratuitous hair while bald guy goes bald.

Tickle Me Weber

It’s necessary to point out that Shea cheated a bit on his beard and started growing before the regular season ended.  This is frowned upon by Max Talbot, who Tweeted when he shaved clean before game 1 so his beard is all playoffs and nothing but the playoffs, so help him Sasquatch.

While Shea is not approaching Fear the Beard status yet, he is so far the most likely candidate for the Brian Wilson Kicks Your Ass Award.  Final voting will take place after the Cup is awarded.  Start tracking your candidates now.  Most likely to NOT win for his beard, even if they win the Cup (and not care because they won the Cup): our beloved Swede, Nicky B.  Seriously, I get more coverage from eating chocolate ice cream.

awwwws

Enjoy the weekend and check back Monday to see which beards surivive!

on the Caps most wanted now?

However, I do have a great quote from BB of the Caps about Backstrom from his EPIC showdown hair on hair scrap with Letang on Monday. See, Nicky B has not missed a game in his entire NHL career which would be 307 games! Impressed? I knew you would be. And even though the Hot Mop out of Pit fractured the Hot Mop from Sweden’s thumb, Nicky B. is still planning on playing tomorrow because according to BB, “I’m saying he’s playing tomorrow. He’s fine. He’s got a sore ouchie that’s not preventing him from playing. He’s a tough kid.”

mikey may be kissing nickys boo-boo and more if he misses a game

So all the hot hair is not just covering access to brain matter or keeping their heads warm, it evidently is covering a 90% mental desire to play hockey – I was never any good at math – whatever. Too bad all that hockey gear covers like 100% of all that hockey body hotness! If only we could get them to play the All Star Game naked! Someone get me Brendan Shanahan on the phone NOW! I have a brilliant idea for next year!

– Alex Tanguay notched 2 assists and was named first star against Vancouver in mini-game, split-squad action.  Woot!

– Ducks players who weren’t on the ice were around the arena meeting fans.  Ryan Getzlaf, get me some nachos. (photos)

Beers are on Getz.

– No one really knows what a Blue Jacket is.  It apparently refers to “Ohio’s rich Civil War” history, but is not a direct reference to anything except a Shawnee American Indian chief who may have been a captured white man raised by the tribe.  Almost as confusing as why Columbus has a hockey team.

I was thinking about what to post today, and all I could find were 20 videos of Captain Serious boring me to death while I wondered how much he gets an hour for mowing lawns in his neighborhood.  Because you know he does.  Probably for free if you feed him PB&J with no crust and some Sunny D.  So instead I found this, dedicated to Dawn Cherrie: it’s laugh-out-loud funny, after which I want to put Sean Avery in a box with a wolverine and throw him into the Hudson River.  [The New Yorker in me loves this.  Je suis désolé, Maxime.]