Off to the interwebs to find something to care about.

Jonathan Toews will miss the rest of the regular season with an upper body injury sustained after a crushing hit (cue debate – clean/dirty/undecided) from Brooks Orpik.  I like the idea of Toews and Kane sharing a couch, watching hockey and shouting at the TV like I do with… you guys.  On Twitter.  That’s six games out for JT19 and he’ll apparently be 100% (Lindsay’s favorite expression) for the playoffs.

You can read about how Mike Green proposed to his fiancee, if you’re into that kind of thing (I am).  It obviously involves a pair of shoes.

Why don’t I have one of these?

John Tavares is part of the new CCM ad campaign, which presumably is to sell helmets and overly serious facial expressions.

Martin St. Louis scored his first goal as a New York Ranger… which pretty much sank Torts’ and his Canucks’ hopes of the post-season.  Forgive me if I don’t applaud.

In a related story, Ryan Callahan has 5G, 5A for the Lightning, who have clinched a playoff spot.  (Alexis and Lindsay clap.)

In total the East looks like this, and whoever wants to hold my hair while I throw up will be rewarded in her next life.

The Caps are circling the proverbial drain.  TWO POINTS COME ON YOU JERKS!  I apologize to the husbands and friends I’ve dragged to recent games with the promise of nachos.  It is impossible to eat such feelings of despair.

My only light of hope is the Rangers & Flyers could play each other in the first round and so many negative forces might combine to create a black hole that sucks both teams into another dimension where they never play the Penguins in Round 2.

If the Bruins win the President’s Trophy… I’ll say nothing publicly or to Chuck.  We’re already to the point of the season where we barely speak.

Here’s the West, which shows you why the Jets are writing cookbooks.  I hope Dallas staves off Phoenix because I know you guys love Tyler Tuesday and because I want to be nice to Chuck about something.  It has nothing to do with shirtless Jamie Benn playing ping pong.  Nope, not at all.

I somehow missed it three weeks ago when #TeamEbs & Co where stuck in an elevator.  My first thought is that I’ve seen Speed a hundred times, I’m totally qualified to perform a rescue in this situation.  My second thought is based on the month season the Oilers have had, maybe they should’ve stayed in there.

Also this gem  – think about it for a second.

Gabe Landeskog engaged in a Twitter conversation about which Disney hero he better resembles: Kristoff or John Smith (or Cinderella).

Erik Karlsson has 70 points.  That’s twice he’s broken 70 – each of the last two full NHL seasons.  The only other defenseman to top 70 points in the last 6 years (also did it twice)?  Mike Green.

Mike Green also started with limited tattoos and look where we are  now.

Source video. 100% Swedish.

Meanwhile Matt Niskanen has 42 points and still insists on dry-parting his hair down the middle.  Also, a turtle.  I will never stop thinking this is hilarious.

Today is another day for your team’s fortune to rise or fall.  Based on all the falling my teams have done lately, I’ll just bottle my frustrations like a perfectly normal hockey fan does with two weeks left in the regular season.

You know how it is.

Oh Ginger Staal.  It’s too bad you’re the only Staal I’ll never like because I would like to like you.

(Crank the volume on this one.)

“Don’t pick a chain restaurant. ”  Bahahaha.  Marc, you’re alright for a Ranger.

Here’s a longer/better version of the outtakes, where Ryan McDonagh gets direction on how to use his eyebrows.  Which are also, er… what was I saying?  I hate the Rangers?  Right.  I do.  But come on:

How does neither of these guys have a Foxy Friday?  We have featured at least 4 Rangers (Cally, Hank, Girardi, Boyle) and only one – maybe two – of those guys is better looking than MStaal or Ryan’s eyebrows.  I’m not going to write it myself or anything insane, but even I’ll admit this makes no sense.

Welcome to #Ryantown.

For heaven’s sake, I went to tag this post and Ryan McDonagh’s name doesn’t even pop up.  We have never once mentioned him?!

Here’s the second Rangers ad, in which I become convinced Sad Brad has a sense of humor, because he must have agreed to be picked on.

This campaign promises more ads to come. For now, some of us need to step away from the blog before we do something crazy.

Last week the Rangers, Devils and Islanders promoted the pair of outdoor games they’ll play at Yankee Stadium in January as part of the NHL’s Stadium Series.

Welcome to my nightmare: Yankees, Rangers, dead of northeastern winter. While I’d normally rather eat glass, the allure of outdoor hockey could convince even me to attend this game – if the NHL provides the required elements for keeping warm:

1) Snowsuit.  I wouldn’t be able to put my arms down, but who cares.  I don’t plan on clapping for any of these teams.

2) Hot chocolate.  Not just a cup, but an entire backpack dispenser brought directly to my seat.  (Like they do at the SF Giants baseball park, because it’s that cold there in summer.)

3) John Tavares.

Oh, does Tavares have to play?  Well I obviously don’t want the Rangers to win.  John & I can watch the NYR/Devils game together, then during NYR/NYI, I’ll just hug Chuck.

Interestingly, the A is missing from JT’s jersey.  NYR’s Callahan was wearing his C… could a team captaincy be in John’s near future?  Do the Isles want to learn about sedimentary rock strata and other Earth Science topics during road trips?  I think they do.

Plus, who rocks a polo shirt better than a middle school teacher?

Sorry John, I can’t hear over how good your hair looks.  How does anyone learn anything in your class?

In case you missed the Tweetspaz where I spammed everyone with a flurry of JT91 photos from this event, here you go.  If you saw that, well here’s video to make it even better.  You can even have this story about lil’ John playing backyard hockey to the point of hypothermia with mini-Sam Gagner [link].

There’s a whole post worth of hockey players wearing Yankees hats (Mike Green, Viktor Stalberg, the list is horribly endless).  They don’t realize they’re hurting us.

John, we know they made you do this.  (Video of first pitch. It’s precious.)

It’s not the first time. (Bonus: Video of the Mets first pitch.)

 Or the best time. (This one was not coerced.)

What’s that, Hockey News Yearbook cover that was *just* Tweeted (and forwarded by Lindsay)?  You think John’s going to have a great year?

I certainly hope so.  Only him though, not the Isles, because it’s getting REALLY crowded here in the Metropolitan Division with the Penguins, Capitals, Hurricanes… GAH.  At least I have clear priorities.

I’ll never actually root for the Islanders.  Right?

from mistfarer, tagged #boyfriendfilter

Crap.  Well someone’s got to play the Flyers.

There were other players/teams at this event, and I know some of you care about them.  Don’t say I never gave you anything.

For the Isles fans – I don’t know what Athletes Quarterly is, but I probably should.  This is adorable.

Now, is it October yet?

Then forget them all in the last 10 seconds.

The next thing Sid will have to pick up off the floor is me.

You can watch the whole episode here.  The Crosby Bend & Snap is here (gif) or here (very end).  Haha, I said ‘end.’

The Pens face the Rangers tonight, with matching 3-3 records.  Pittsburgh lost an awful – so bad that Crosby’s jeans couldn’t fix it – game to the Islanders on Tuesday.  New York squeaked out a 2-1 win over Philly that cost them captain Ryan Callahan, who hurt his shoulder grappling with none other than Max Talbot.  Luckily for the NYR, Cally will only miss 10-14 days [link].

Pittsburgh has lost 3 of their last 4 games, while New York has won 3 of 4.  Their first meeting of the season ended in a 6-3 Penguins win that bounced Lundqvist in the second period.

James Neal scored two in that game vs. NYR… and only one goal since.  Maybe since it was tight t-shirt time, he’ll get back on the board tonight.

Do these shorts make me look fat?

But we went with Ryan Callahan.

Last year I stayed a whole month with NYRFan Stephanie.  She tried to buy a Callahan jersey but shop.NHL.com was all out of As.  Not just for Alternate Captain, but overall.  WHAT?!  I assured her people would understand CLLHN across the back, but what we really needed was Callahan’s grandmother to given them an earful.

Callahan is from Upstate NY (represent!!) and was named captain of the Rangers this season at the ripe old age of 26.  He takes a taxi to the Garden because he’s totally hoping it’s Cash Cab.  (Oh wait, that’s us.)

Bonus sweater points, check.

So far this year, Cally has 12 G/11 A.  The Rangers are 4th overall in the East and right behind Philly in the Atlantic Division.  They’ve won their last 3 games and 7 of 11 in December.  

In your FACE!

Tonight, the Rangers play the Flyers in will undoubtedly be a highlight of the 24/7 series.  After this:

Maybe Ryan will repeat his first hat trick/first 4 goal game/first 5 point night ever, which he had at the end of last season before breaking his ankle blocking a Zdeno Chara shot.

I still hate the Rangers and the Flyers.  But if 24/7 is weakening my defenses, it’s definitely in NY’s favor.  I mean, there’s a reason they don’t interview Briere often (sorry I’m not sorry – people make fun of Sid just for laughing like a girl!).  But I haven’t gotten too soft on them, not yet.

Stop trying to change my mind!