Chuck had a brilliant idea: Mikey Mondays! I will see her blatant attempt to restrict my ramblings to one day a week and raise her with another edition of:

Mike Green Paid for This – Episode 2: Mike’s Lamborghini

Remember the scene in Batman Forever where Chris O’Donnell’s Robin goes joyriding in the Batmobile?  When he pulls up to some girls and says, “Wanna go for a ride in my love machine, baby?”  Well that is really happening here.

No skates in the car.

Elephant in the room much?  I can’t not do a post about Greener’s most ostentatious possession: a white 2006 Lamborghini Gallardo.  It’s too obvious.  It cost about $150k and I bet it plays “Smack That” by Akon every time you turn it on (totes a custom upgrade).  You are not allowed to eat drive-thru in Mike’s car, nor are you allowed to touch his stereo.  Because he is, in all seriousness, listening to Mariah Carey:

He loves to sing along.

The NHL Network did this “Day in the Life” segment where Mike rocks his accent and drives past the White House on his way to work. So anyone thinking about stalking him by following the unmissable car home from the Verizon Center (no Chuck, I am NOT) should choose another ambush location.  Wait, does the Secret Service protect Canadians?  Anyway, the Cribs clip shows just about everything but his house number, so he’s pretty much home right now waiting for you to come over with a pizza and beer.  Extra pepperoni.

Mike lives across from this charming vacant lot.

I’m struck by both the urge to laugh and to lay across the hood in my bathing suit.  There are not many guys who can pull off a Lambo, and even those who can really shouldn’t.  I’m not sure which category Mike falls into yet.  (I’m treading lightly here because Marc-Andre Fleury also has a Lambo and if you make fun of him, I’ll beat you with a blocker.)

Mike, that's my jacket. Seriously.

What do you think – hot or not?  Overcompensation?  Would you rather come across Mike driving his Escalade or Bentley?  Personally, I think if you’re gonna go for it, go all out.  Then get sponsored by GEICO just in case something happens to your dream machine.

He's kidding. Isn't he?

Mike makes $5.25 million/year before he even suits up with the GEICO Caveman. Just because you’re bringing in the bank is no reason to spend it all in one place. Like the Mohawk Parlor. Not our Mike – he’s got too many other brilliant ideas. Mike did an episode of MTV Cribs (A. Who knew that was still on? B. Have they run out of rappers?) and revealed way more than your typical fan/blogger/stalker should really know.

And so I bring you a future WUYS favorite series:

Mike Green Paid For This
Episode One: The Bathroom

Photos of Mike’s bathroom are a tribute to the power of the internet. We should not be privvy to where he flosses his teeth. Unless it looks like this:

I'll have the beef & broccoli, please.

You may need to adjust the angle of your monitor to take in the magnitude of patterned, wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling reflection. It’s the bathroom at the Double Rainbow Chinese Restaurant after a fire sale at the tin foil factory. The best part is: there’s a mirror. In a frame. Attached to a wall of mirrors.

Try not to think of the bathroom’s intended purpose. Mike is very pretty, perhaps he just admires himself endlessly – Mike looking in the mirror looking at Mike looking in the mirror looking at… until it’s time for practice. He could use the guest bathroom for everything else – it’s much more, um, functional.

Other bathroom - BORING.

Mike spends his money like he used to be fat (he was) and kinda awkward (also true). Not anymore (debatable). Next time, we’ll see how Mike picks up chicks.

This ice is not reflective.