Firing squad awaits the cannon

Thanks to the players who really came to play – not play like they do in competition every day, but the fun kind where the fans get to play along.  Specifically, thank you because:

You looked great.

You should see my shoes.

Really great.

No, they’re my shoes.

Like “This Foxy Friday will be used against you in a court of law” great.

18 and counting

You made new friends.

No one can resist the plaid jacket.

You saw old friends.

First rule of red carpets: Don’t arrive right after Seguin.

And trolled them.

“Hi Chuck.” “No – Hello Chuck.”

You talked a lot of trash.

No one at NHL had a real notebook.

You took a selfie.

Do you see something behind me?

You got drunk.

It was this guy.

You forgot your new friend’s name.

Also, I don’t know where Long Island is.

He forgave you. Mostly.

:: internal eye roll ::

You took more selfies.

Just add kids!

You didn’t win a car.

Because you didn’t pass the sobriety test.

Then you did win a car! But you weren’t the only one.

#RNHAllStarStud

Either way, you won our hearts.

Right in the ovaries.

Even if just for a moment.

My hatred is no match for this moment of perfection.

Even if you weren’t the MVP.

We would never get your name wrong.

Most of all you made us forget all the guys who weren’t there, from the Subban-type snubs to the Crosby-esque casualites. Maybe the weekend could have been even better… but we didn’t miss them.  So thanks for this weekend, and see you next year in Nashville.

Patrick Kane was the best-selling NHL jersey for 2014.

They’re all wearing this number.

Surprised? I was, a little, I admit. Not Crosby, after his Hart-Art Ross-Lindsay-winning season? Well Sid was second on the list, and since he’s been in the League (and super high-profile) a few more years than Kaner, I figure most people (including myself) already have their Crosby jersey – or two, or three.  Plus the introduction of Winter Classic/Stadium Series designs and sharp new third jerseys by so many teams gives the sales potential a steady pulse for existing fans year after year.

Personally, still not down with the St. Patrick’s Day gear.

Of course, the Hawks sweaters are gorgeous. Their Stadium Series jerseys were the best of any team in 2014, and their third jerseys are so perfectly vintage-inspired that I want to wear one and sit on a windowsill while I miss Douglas Dorsey.

I’d say “Parlez-vouz Olympics?” but those jersey sales don’t even count.

According to Puck Daddy (bless them, as I am too lazy to do my own research!), the rest of the top sellers after Kane and Crosby were Toews, Lundqist and Ovechkin.  Sid was first last year, Kaner was #5 last year.

As 2015 starts, what can Patrick Kane do to maintain this top spot?  We have a suggestion:

Best Dressed

Yes, that’s real. Not a real jersey, but WUYS reader @toriewithanE made this dazzling gem on Skreened.  See, that is what we love here: initiative!  I said I was going to make a shirt, but Torie actually made it happen. We think it should be for sale, and count toward jersey sales. We could put his name and number on the back, but you’d never look past this:

From your head down to your tube socks.

That’s two days in a row I’ve included this picture in a post. You’re welcome.

Interesting (to me, at least): Crosby was #1 in 2012-2013, but #3 in the year before.  The lists are pretty fascinating.

The complete list of players selected for the All-Star Game in Columbus on Jan 25 has been announced, but let’s start with the fan vote roster. Which looks like the Blackhawks roster.

I see red people.

Remember the Blackhawks jazzercize campaign video?  Of course you do.  Ne’er have you closed an eye since that day but you’ve seen this, seared in your memory and waiting, gold-chained and glorious, to remind you that votes are the very least you can give when one has smized so hard to earn them.

What percentage of a shirt is this? 25?

You may note a few things once your eyes adjust to all those Hawks logos:

1. NO CROSBY. Just in the fan vote, obviously, but Mr. Popularity, was not crowned Homecoming King this year. He can still call me if he needs a date, though. I am not so fickle.

Just act cool.

2. What is a Zemgus Girgensons and how did it escape Middle Earth win the fan vote? This phenomenon was well-documented, so it didn’t exactly come out of nowhere (anymore than it completely came out of nowhere). Zemgus, who is 21 and plays in Buffalo, hails from Latvia. So mobilized were the 2 million people of his home country, they apparently did nothing but vote online for for the NHL ASG. Right to the top!

What does high score mean? Did I break it?

Some people say this is a tawdry exploitation of the game’s selection process. I say: YOU ARE NO FUN, partypoopers! It’s one roster spot. It’s the ASG, which is really just an excuse to look good during the skills competition. Guys who don’t get picked get to go on vacation and don’t have to pose for ’80s prom photos. Sure, it’s an honor to be voted in, but let’s be real. Zemgus plays in Buffalo.  This might be the only thing he ever wins. I hope he enjoys the heck out of it.

3. Kane beat Toews. I love this. Just as Jon became more fun, Kaner became more serious. For next year’s campaign, they should do a full-length Grease remake. From:

Circa 2011

to this:

Circa last night

Note Seabs, Keith and Crawford walking by in the back. That’s Shaw on the left.

The rest of the roster includes:

Class of 2015

The list is… confusing. Or perhaps it’s “avant garde” and I never really understood that kind of art anyway. No Nicklas Backstrom, fantasy point machine.  No James Neal’s hair blowing in the shot accuracy competition breeze. (That’ll teach you to get yourself traded away from Malkin… to a team leading the League. Figures.) No Chara, Zetterbeard or Datsyuk, no Sedins and no PK Subban. Remember that time he wore Intern Jeff Skinner’s jersey? Ah, those were the days.  Puck Daddy has some more snub thoughts here.

Those who did make the cut will be wearing these sweaters. When the ASG is over, I hope they are donated to live out the rest of their unsightly lives in relative dignity as Major League Soccer referee jerseys.

For running at night?

Laviolette and Sutter will coach. Two team captains (and two alternates per team) will be announced next week, and they will hold the fantasy draft on Friday, January 23 at 8 PM (on NBCSN in the States). The draft is my favorite part of the weekend, even eclipsing the skills competition. Someone will get picked last, someone will trip going up the steps.  Hugs will happen. John Tavares will be there.

Look at his middle-school-boy handwriting.

Overall, it sounds a heck of a lot better than my average Friday night.  So we’ll see you there (er, here) for ASG Weekend!

The title of Foxy Friday has occasionally been awarded to a collection of things (plaid suits, glasses) to great as to define the genre.  Today’s honorees take it to a whole new level.

San Jose Sharks “Holiday Sweater”

The Sharks have an amazing history of holiday videos, but they can stop now. There’s no topping this throwback karaoke masterpiece, complete with semi-choreographed white guy dancing and someone holding a block of cheese.

It goes on forever. Literally.  Make sure you stay for the scene after the credits, then check out this much-needed infographic.

How BU does it.

Capitals Holiday Video [that’s a link]

This dork-fest is gloriously unscripted and runs the ultimate test of improv comedy – who will laugh first, us or them?

Almost enough right to fix all this wrong.

A wink of the eye to how intentionally awful the whole thing is – the Caps tried to enter the NHL ugly sweater contest. What’s the prize? Is it Caps tickets?

Ecard versions – send ’em to your mom.

Penguins Holiday Video [also a link]

If I were going to re-enact a Christmas movie, it wouldn’t be Christmas Vacation (duh, Love Actually), and if I were going to have the Penguins remake a movie, it wouldn’t a Christmas movie (Newsies, anyone? Oh yes.).  But as commitment to awkwardness goes, this Penguins’ holiday video is a Best Picture nominee.

Beau should’ve worn the hat.

My movie would of course feature Beau and Borts in matching costumes.  I might even cover Crosby up to dampen his attractiveness – and fail, badly.

Is this a cowlneck shirt? Could this be worse?

There’s nothing in this, however, as good as the “Sieze the Day” sing-along going on in my mind.

Chicago Blackhawks All-Star Campaign Videos

Just as you’re having the happiest of holiday video viewing sessions, the Blackhawks show up to ruin it by, well… being the Blackhawks.  We should be used to it by now.  They’re not even promoting Christmas because nothing under your tree could be this good.

Ice Bucket challenge Spanx = no tanlines!

What the hell is happening here and how do I make it rule the Earth? Is that what we’re voting for? I’m pretty sure Chuck and I came up with this idea while a) drunk and b) watching that Crystal Light aerobics championship video set to Taylor Swift for the 900th time.  The Blackhawks must be reading our GChats.

You guys saw that, right? I didn’t hallucinate?

Toews is the original Canadian dream, which sounds like the tagline for an ice cream treat made with maple syrup, and it’s finally proven, scientifically, that he is fun now.  We have created a monster.

Players gonna…

It would appear there will be (already are?) videos promoting Bickell, Sharp, Keith, Kane and jazzercize.  The wait might actually kill me.

I’m getting this on a shirt.

And this on the back.

Good luck, next Friday, on coming anywhere close to this.

I sometimes wonder what percentage of our population could identify Wayne Gretzky, forget Gordie Howe or Crosby or Intern Jeff Skinner.  It would be a killer round on “Celebrity Name Game,” after so few of my countrymen recognize Bill Gates but everybody knows Jared from Subway.

Imagine my excited double take when I saw this Gatorade ad (over the summer) featuring our favorite meerkat, Patrick Kane.

I may have fist-pumped in the gym.  Patrick Kane on TV with Bryce Harper?  With Dwyane Wade, from basketball, who is not Dwayne Wayne from “A Different World?” And that football guy I don’t know, but he’s in a lot of commercials so he’s probably a Kardashian?!  I thought, “Go Kaner!” and “Yes, his hair looks pretty good in this.”

Can’t be looking a mess when you finally make your break.

** I INTERRUPT THIS POST TO BRING YOU THE GREATEST THING EVER. **

I want you to join the US Dance Team.

Go here: Gatorade Kane Locker Tour. Click the headphones.  Click everything, and between everything click the headphones again.  How on Earth has this existed since July and we’ve never seen it?

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Recently,  another beloved tradition returned – McDonald’s Monopoly.  It’s the quintessential learning tool for American kids: throwaway money, shiny cars and that one time you went to jail but it wasn’t a big deal.  On Sunday, Mr. Pants and I hit the drive-thru. Only his soda cup had Monopoly pieces, and he didn’t notice.  I didn’t really care.  Then five hours later, at home, the Monopoly commercial came on.

Mr. Pants, looking around as if we keep old cups on the table: “It’s Monopoly time?”

Me, running toward kitchen, “YOU CAN WIN PATRICK KANE??”

Lebron, yes,  But a race car driver? America loves race car drivers!

Let me tell you, I went into the garbage.  I didn’t even hear what the Kaner-related prize was but I flung aside hours of moving debris just in case this was my chance to strike it Patrick.  I didn’t dig through trash to win money or Beats by Dre headphones or whatever, only for Patrick Kane.

This was just the change in my pocket.

Turns out the prize is – I still don’t know. Hawks tickets probably. That’s worth a dumpster dive. Our cup yielded nothing, not even a free soda in another cup with which to continue this cycle. The truth is: you never win, unless you actually are Patrick Kane.  Multiple Stanley Cups and most valuable-type trophies?  Side prizes.  He is standings next to wheelbarrow full of cash on the Monopoly board while it rains McChickens, all broadcast on TV.  That, folks, is the American Dream.

Do these skates make me look short?

His hair doesn’t look as good in this ad, though.

The Ice Bucket Challenge began in July in support of ALS research.  Read more about it here and hire Frates & Quinn for more marketing campaigns.  The movement has raised over $4 million, up nearly +$3 million over this period last year.  Everyone is doing it:  Justin Timberlake, Matt Lauer, even Chuck did it!  Now we joke around, but this is a great cause, funding important research.  If you’re able to donate, please visit www.alsa.org.

And if you’re going to start a trend, please let it involve most of the NHL in what amounts to a wet t-shirt contest.  (So you know – this took forever to compile.  I watched hours of videos.  It was grueling but I’m willing to work hard for you guys.)

Me: “No.  No way.  No way!”

Crosby Ice Bucket Challenge video. I first saw an Ice Bucket Challenge video on 8/7, when 87 accepted the dare on his birthday.  I wondered for a moment it was real, or if I’d woken up in a fanfic – A Connecticut Yankee in Sidney Crosby’s Driveway, maybe.

Now who needs a cold shower?

Since then, everywhere you look an NHL player is taking the plunge.  So here you have them, the very Best of the Ice Bucket Challenge videos.

The “This Looks Familiar”

Matt Duchene Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Does Sid’s video have two blue buckets, a shovel and a black SUV in the background?  Eagle-eyed Alison noticed this is the same spot.  Just two dudes, pouring water on themselves and videotaping it for the internet.

Matt could have at least brushed his hair for Sid’s party.

Matt woke up 4 minutes ago.

Bonus points to Matt for nominating country singer Thomas Rhett, one of my favorites (who was also nominated by Justin Moore – the singer, not my husband).

The Intern Project

We said Tavares should wear a tighter shirt – so we know Intern Jeff Skinner still reads this blog.  This t-shirt is left over from Jeff’s high school days, since we haven’t paid him for a day of work since then.  And white?!  What a flirt.  Remember when he didn’t want girls paying attention?

Team Tank Top

Lindsay informs me that ‘dude tank tops’ are very much the style in Canada.  I assume everyone there looks like an NHL player and so this has my full support.

Steven Stamkos Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Careful using your dog to up the ante here, Stammer.  You’re no slouch but he’s pretty freaking cute.

Let me tuck my chain into my tank top first.

Taylor Hall Ice Bucket Challenge video.  #TeamHallsy starts his video off so seriously, you’d think he spent the summer doing Shakespeare in the Park.  It’s deceptively tall-seeming thespian work.

The world is mine oyster,
Which I, with stick, shall open.

Jordan Eberle Ice Bucket Challenge video. Uncceptable resolution for #TeamEbs.  He’s got to keep up with Taylor!  Zach Boychuck, get a new phone right this instant.  Adorable hair-fixing though, since Jordan knows we are watching.

Especially after this is Zack Boychuck’s video.  How is that fair?  His biceps are theatrically lit by the sun itself, giver of all life!

Also sporting the Official Boy Band Uniform is, of course, #TeamSchultzy.  Did they have a conference call about what to wear?  Or does matchy-matchiness come as naturally to them?

The “Dallas Stars Really Want to Be Your Favorite Team” 

Tyler Seguin never met a shirt he couldn’t take off.  Or something he couldn’t hit on.  I swear he just invited a charitable cause and a bucket of water back to his place, and don’t stop rolling that tape.

Jamie Benn’s Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Jamie would like to take this opportunity to remind you his hair is DEVASTATING and that he’s skinny now.  (Too skinny?  A little?)  Never mind that tattoo of a graveyard on his bicep – they needed a place to bury me anyway.

Benn-d and Snap

In case you don’t love Jamie, he Tweeted the “Girl in a Country Song” video.  This is everything that’s right with the world.

Also from the Stars, Rich Peverly apparently runs a daycare in the summer – and stuns them momentarily quiet with this challenge.  They are pretty sure their moms have said not to throw stuff.

The Other Birthday Boy

It’s a shame I’ll never see #TeamSam again, because I cannot add any more teams to my list nor can I stay up late enough to watch the Coyotes.  Sam Gagner did the Ice Bucket Challenge on his birthday, complete with a cake, a beard AND a white shirt. Presents for everyone.

The NSFMyLife

John Tavares Ice Bucket Challenge video.  There’s b-roll of John then his shirt off and jumping in the pool right?  That’ll be the deleted scene on the DVD?

Is this going to be on the test?

What I really can’t handle is his deep, teacher-y voice.  If he started talking about the Large Hadron Collider, I’d faint.

That Time Gabe Wore a Shirt

Gabriel Landeskog’s Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Perhaps the quaint, old-world and presumably Swedish setting calls for a top, but frankly we’re a bit disappointed in Gabe’s efforts to carry the shirtless-boat-selfie banner this summer. He gets named captain and suddenly it’s all business and no instructional pancake videos.

The US judges give this a 6.

He’s 21,  You Guys – I Swear

And that was not me at the end with the extra bucket of water.  Promise.

Guys Chuck Likes

The Bruins should hire Chuck to shoot their videos, because their Ice Bucket Challenges are astonishingly low-res.  Remember why you don’t watch hockey in standard def anymore?  Even dearest Patrice couldn’t get good production values:

Lucic is in focus – if that’s a good thing.  He looks like the unpopular kid at Camp Anawanna.  Stand up straight, man!

Kim Bauer Did It

Oh yeah, and her husband too.  The Phaneufs Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Alison loves these guys.  I just feel bad that 24 made Elisha get scared by a mountain lion and abducted by a loner in a bunker in the woods around LA.  Jack Bauer would disown that mess.

I think we’d all be friend with Elisha in real life.

The “Of Course Patrick Kane Has a Water Slide”

He probably has a slide from every single window of the house into that pool.  (This was a life plan action item for me and Gator.  Awaiting our invitations, Kaner.)  Toews is so much fun these days, where’s his bucket?

Coach Q is My Favorite Coach

Many coaches, front office staff and even mascots have gotten in on the Challenge, but Coach Q’s laugh is the best.

My Goalie is a Banana

What can I say?  I trust this man with my GAA.  They even gave the baby a bucket, in case she wanted to party.  Marc Andre Fleury Ice Bucket Challenge video

Just wait till you start dating, Baby Flower.  Dad is ready.

Which is Better than Mr. Potato Head

Oh Jordan, we miss you around the Penguins.

The Hot Dads

“Hey, if I’m doing this, we’re all doing it.  Then we’re going for ice cream.”

Chris Kunitz Ice Bucket Challenge video.  From the man who dressed as a sock monkey, of course.  Mrs. Kunitz challenged Paul Martin – thanks, girl.  (Paul Martin Ice Bucket Challenge video)

Little Miss Kunitz says she’ll just donate cash.

Pascal Dupuis Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Dear Universe, Please make the Dupuis Family into a TV show.  They’ve already created the poster:

No idea Duper had a half-sleeve, or that I’d like it so much.

Craig Adams Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Craig used a garbage can for his ice bucket and the family wore matching gubernatorial campaign shirts.  Just saying, that’s a Harvard man.  (The shirts are in honor of Anne’s father, former MA Governor Paul Cellucci, who died of ALS in 2013.  Thanks to Chuck and Anne for update.)

Vote early, vote often.

The Overachievers

Keith Yandle (who actually has a face under that beard) went pretty big – three buckets vs. white t-shirt.  His best move was calling out BizNasty, of course.  Talk about bigger.

You know Biz loves it when we say “bigger.”  He challenged some big names too, though we bet no one does it in their skivvies.  Read about Biz getting his friends to donate their time and money to put this together here.  And notice that TMZ covered a hockey player.

The Suits

Max Talbot Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Max is responsible now.  He has a wife and a baby and if he wants to pour ice water over his head in a suit and tie he will, damn it!  He’s like Frank the Tank, you can’t reign him in.

Business in the front, party in the shoes.

Robert Bortuzzo Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Borts, what is that tie?!  Is the inflatable duck to distract from the tie?  It’s not working.  Also the shades on the duck + the white button down – this is going Risky Business later, isn’t it?  We’re going to need the extended edition Blu-ray combo pack.

This yard wants to party, Project X-style.

Almost everyone’s done the Ice Bucket Challenge.  I couldn’t include or even get close to watching them all.  Notable exceptions are Gingeroux, newly married Mike Green (yeah right, on that hair?) and James Neal.  I worry this means Nealmobile really had no friends, because no one has challenged him.  Though he is on this pretty definitive list of players who’ve supposedly participated (here).  Did I miss his video somewhere?

While we wait, check out the Tumblr dedicated to the Ice Bucket Challenge.

Dancing.

Toews/Kane Dance Off 2014 [video]

Shooter McGavin.

(If you’re a Lightning fan, this is easy.  Stamkos would bust out a perfect Step Up dance routine [circa Channing Tatum, of course], complete with his shirt either open or off.  For the rest of us, well… maybe “hands in pockets” will become to new dance craze.)

At least Sid caved to the selfie pressure first.

Pretty good for a rookie.

There were myriad other highlights of the BHC2014, not the least of which was Brad Richards sitting alongside the dancing like that really uncomfortable lady with the rowdy friends in the front row at Thunder From Down Under, judging the distance between herself and the nearest emergency exit.  He’s thinking, “Remember that time I made $12 million a season and did’t dance?  Not for $2 million, new friends.”

There’s a cap on this empty bottle, isn’t there?

While we didn’t attend BHC2014, I think we’re ready to make a bold statement based on thirty minutes of Tumblr research: this is the summer that Patrick Kane officially became more attractive than Jonathan Toews.

Say that again, into this mircophone.

Am I wrong?  Since Kaner started cleaning up his act (not too much, please) and keeping his hair under control, not to mention wearing the heck out of a golf shirt, Toews has been running to catch up.  Oh he’s fun now!  Jokes about his grumpiness, couples Halloween costumes: Jon has really made an effort.  There are matching contracts, his-and-his Conn Smythe trophies, but is it too little too late?  Watch the dance video again.  When it comes to the inevitable Zoolander-style Walk Off, who is your money on?

What did she say? All I hear is that cash register sound.

Meanwhile, can we get said walk-off confirmed for next year’s BHC agenda?  And when do tickets go on sale?

gif from toews-rage.tumblr.com

Every April, we wonder how we got here – if we got here – and panic. Prayers are said.  Shirts and jerseys are lined up to wear.  Post-traumatic stress resurfaces from last season.   And with all that comes something else, something glorious.

No, not the possibility of winning the Cup.  We’re talking about playoff beards!

2013 Beard of the Year Winner

Here’s a look around this year’s post-season hopefuls, starting with, well…

The Pens TV feature was offline yesterday because the Penguins’ servers are no match for James Neal’s Gingerbeard.

Already GLORIOUS.  Let me tell you James, since you obviously read this blog for tips on fixing your PR problems, the beard is A+.  Glasses too.  Plaid suits, yaaassss. Now keep your promises, don’t be a dirtbag and I may just remove your #futureexboyfriend status.

MAF however, has permission to remove this creation and begin again.

He looks like Kenneth Branaugh in Hamlet which is really just a gateway beard to Kenneth Branaugh in Wild Wild West.  And no one wants to be in Wild Wild West.

See also: Ryan Miller, Ringmaster

You know I love this disaster.  Crosby growing facial hair is like me singing karaoke – zero God-given talent, still goes on stage.  We both compensate with dance moves.

Thanks to modern medicine and some really tight workout shirts, we’re thrilled this gem of a beard will be appearing in our 2014 collection:

Flawless as he always is, Stammer’s beard fascinates because it’s so brown.  Mid-season he hardly appears to have eyebrows, such is his blondness, yet roll around the post-season and Simba starts working on his roar.

Since I mentioned Nealer, here’s Shawn Thornton for good measure.  This art installation began around April 4 and holds promise to become an impressive hedge maze.  Let’s everybody grow beards and nobody get suspended, yeah?

In news you knew was coming, Toews and Kane have been announced as ready to go for Chicago in Game 1 against St. Louis.

That’s right, Wolverine and his trusty sidekick, The Meerkat, ride again.

We’re pretty excited for the Avs to have a go in the playoffs, because we want to see if Gabe can grow a beard.  And we want Matt Duchene back… but mostly Gabe’s beard.  The Avs’ ad campaign asks #WhyNotUs?

Gabe Landeskog, Age 10

Probably #BecauseofthatMohawk, honestly.  But this is a new, sophisticated year.  They’re even hosting “Burgundy and Blue Week” and as much as we love hockey, that’ll be disappointing if it doesn’t involve wine and cheese.

And remember, Max Talbot is on the Avs!   Think he’ll give us one of these, like the good old days?  Probably scare the crap out of his new baby son, but teaching can never start too early.

He can compare it to that of fellow former Penguin Mike Rupp.  I miss this elf costume.

Another excting playoff debut is Jamie Benn.  We know Tyler can phase to Teen Wolf at a moment’s notice (hey, isn’t it Tuesday?), but Jamie’s babyface has never been to the post-season.  We’ve seen an AHL goatee and Movember Mustache, so there’s a beard waiting to happen.  Still we fear the jowl-centric permashadow:

Will again become this:

EGADS.  When we say “It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere,” Jamie, we do not mean that part of your face!  You’ve been on a roll lately (sidenoteBattingPracticesigh) – either go all the way or just keep shaving while gazing intently into the camera.

Does Dallas have a bandwagon? Because Imma need a ride.

TJ Oshie joined the Blues Beardathon campaign, so we’ll call his beard The American Dream.  The part of arch-nemesis will be played by Roman Polak.

Even if he could get 6 rounds like the Olympic shootout, TJs only chance at fuzz would still be to adopt a puppy at the end.

Joe Thornton has done the right thing – he’ll be starting fresh when the Sharks see the Kings on Thursday night.  This really gives new meaning to the term faceoff.  Let’s hope he and Brent Burns have planned A Race to Crazy.

April 9                                                                     April 12

The Kings are always regally bearded, but until Mike Richards can’t see past his nose to where Pierre Maguire is trying to groom him on a boardwalk, I find them boring.  Remember when Joaquin Phoenix went crazy, grew a beard and became a rapper (then it was all fake)?  That’s the kind of excitement I expect from LA beards.

Speaking of burly later-round possibilities, Henrik Zetterbeard is doing his best to get back into the Wings lineup.  He will practice today, and while he likely won’t be available for the first round, if the Wings get past Boston at least Chuck will have something to live for.

The Habs have Brandon Prust.  If no one else grows a beard (or if they do), we won’t even notice.

The last and final playoff match up is both my dream and nightmare: Rangers vs. Flyers.  Such drama.  I fantasize about them somehow both losing.  I invent elaborate food poisoning schemes.  I transport them off-world, I drop them into the bottom of the ocean in the end, I retract the ice and everyone falls into a pool of sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads.

Is that wrong?

Alas, I must endure.  I caught a hot second of Giroux flipping his hair while being awarded the Toyota Cup for most “Star of the Game” points the other night. Happy Gingers = Slight Weakness.  This beard though.

Even as an unhappy ginger, Scott Hartnell looked – dare I say it? – kind of nice while discussing his major penalty for spearing (subsequent $5k fine came later).

Okay, enough of that.  :: shudder ::

As for the Rangers, Rick Nash looks nice with a beard.  It can dry his tears.

(That wasn’t quite the last playoff matchup, but to the Blue Jackets, I say nothing except see you tomorrow.)

I can’t believe it’s this time of year again.  Are you guys doing okay?  My emotions are 50% excitement and 50% dread soaked in 100% Skittles-flavored vodka.  We’re thankful for beards help to lighten the mood because it’s about to go down.

Off to the interwebs to find something to care about.

Jonathan Toews will miss the rest of the regular season with an upper body injury sustained after a crushing hit (cue debate – clean/dirty/undecided) from Brooks Orpik.  I like the idea of Toews and Kane sharing a couch, watching hockey and shouting at the TV like I do with… you guys.  On Twitter.  That’s six games out for JT19 and he’ll apparently be 100% (Lindsay’s favorite expression) for the playoffs.

You can read about how Mike Green proposed to his fiancee, if you’re into that kind of thing (I am).  It obviously involves a pair of shoes.

Why don’t I have one of these?

John Tavares is part of the new CCM ad campaign, which presumably is to sell helmets and overly serious facial expressions.

Martin St. Louis scored his first goal as a New York Ranger… which pretty much sank Torts’ and his Canucks’ hopes of the post-season.  Forgive me if I don’t applaud.

In a related story, Ryan Callahan has 5G, 5A for the Lightning, who have clinched a playoff spot.  (Alexis and Lindsay clap.)

In total the East looks like this, and whoever wants to hold my hair while I throw up will be rewarded in her next life.

The Caps are circling the proverbial drain.  TWO POINTS COME ON YOU JERKS!  I apologize to the husbands and friends I’ve dragged to recent games with the promise of nachos.  It is impossible to eat such feelings of despair.

My only light of hope is the Rangers & Flyers could play each other in the first round and so many negative forces might combine to create a black hole that sucks both teams into another dimension where they never play the Penguins in Round 2.

If the Bruins win the President’s Trophy… I’ll say nothing publicly or to Chuck.  We’re already to the point of the season where we barely speak.

Here’s the West, which shows you why the Jets are writing cookbooks.  I hope Dallas staves off Phoenix because I know you guys love Tyler Tuesday and because I want to be nice to Chuck about something.  It has nothing to do with shirtless Jamie Benn playing ping pong.  Nope, not at all.

I somehow missed it three weeks ago when #TeamEbs & Co where stuck in an elevator.  My first thought is that I’ve seen Speed a hundred times, I’m totally qualified to perform a rescue in this situation.  My second thought is based on the month season the Oilers have had, maybe they should’ve stayed in there.

Also this gem  – think about it for a second.

Gabe Landeskog engaged in a Twitter conversation about which Disney hero he better resembles: Kristoff or John Smith (or Cinderella).

Erik Karlsson has 70 points.  That’s twice he’s broken 70 – each of the last two full NHL seasons.  The only other defenseman to top 70 points in the last 6 years (also did it twice)?  Mike Green.

Mike Green also started with limited tattoos and look where we are  now.

Source video. 100% Swedish.

Meanwhile Matt Niskanen has 42 points and still insists on dry-parting his hair down the middle.  Also, a turtle.  I will never stop thinking this is hilarious.

Today is another day for your team’s fortune to rise or fall.  Based on all the falling my teams have done lately, I’ll just bottle my frustrations like a perfectly normal hockey fan does with two weeks left in the regular season.

You know how it is.

Come on in for an awkward celebratory hug.

We have enjoyed the women’s hockey very much, but so far the Olympics have too much figure skating.  I can’t take the pressure, the sheer shirts or the whole single/dual combat nature of the sport.  I need collective victory and shared blame.  I need teams.

So thank you, America, for winning your first game and doing so spectacularly.  At 8:30 AM I opened one eye, saw a 7-1 score and went back to sleep.  Highlights will suffice, especially those involving John Carlson (while he wears a helmet because this hair doesn’t translate into any language).

It was a multi-multi-point game for a lot of guys on the US roster and an excellent start to the tournament.

Almost as pretty as Patrick Kane’s smile in this McDonald’s commercial:

Now it’s time for Team Canada.  Am I excited?

Just a little bit?

Aw yeah.

Allow me to share my unpopular American opinion: I am pro-Canada when it comes to Olympic men’s hockey.  I don’t care if the NSA turns their cell phone recorders on me, but my heart goes with my favorite players on their biggest stage.  We Americans win a lot in every Olympics.  This one time I am okay with sharing.

That said, I’d like to see the US win silver every time or gold if Canada’s out.  I am excited to see which Americans will represent our country in Russia – it makes me want to watch 80’s action movies (or Miracle).  The Team USA roster was announced yesterday after the longest Winter Classic in the history of long things.  Chuck and I, miles apart and minutes from starvation, implored them to hurry.  Then they trotted out the kids in the jerseys and we were stuck.  Kids, they get us every time!

I can’t find video yet, but one kid almost fell.  You knew that was coming.  Then one kid was a girl and  I wasn’t expecting that.

Here’s the roster (alphabetically, not as line predictions):

Plus the worst-kept secret in hockey this week, the USA goalies:

NHL Network Analysis of the roster with bonus cold-weather fashion “do’s” featuring Kathryn Tappen.

My thoughts:

NOBOBBYRYANBOOOOO.  Cats of Instagram are wailing pitifully in alleys across America tonight.  No more jokes about finishing second, or at all.

Any combination of Parise-Kesler-Kane will henceforth be known as the SAS(S) Line, for Smile-Abs-Smile.

All-Pens defense pairings give me the squees.  And I think they know the coach.

Of course we have to give it up for Shattenkirk on D, pride of Boston University.

Finally, someone please explain Phil Kessel to me.  I am going to start nominating him for makeover reality TV shows – the sure way to get Americans interested in something, it could be a blistering marketing idea for Team USA. We already have  “before” photo:

AMERICA.  For shame!  Why would you release this photo?  For something that looked worse than your jerseys?  You need a publicist.  I will work for tax breaks, Columbus Day off and your continued overlooking of my crush on Canada.

Phil seems like a really nice, shy guy – he overcame cancer for heaven’s sake!  He should be able to overcome these image issues.  In October he bought a suite, brought 24 child cancer patients to the game and SCORED THEM A HAT TRICK.  Take that, walkathons!  I am convinced that hiding behind this terrible haircut and penchant for wearing the same colorless suit to everything is a guy we could Foxy Friday.  There are 34 days until Sochi.  Let me at him and I’ll bring you the next American Express Olympics tear-jerker commercial icon.

Kane and Toews Face Off – ESPN Magazine

What is this? Is this dancing?

Get low, Captain.

The story about Kane waking Toews up in Toronto then falling dead asleep while Jon’s wide awake and fuming – welcome to my life, people.  These two might as well be married because that is my real life with Mr. Pants every day.

This made me so happy I’m going to read it again.  Thanks guys, and thanks to Ellie (@hockeyfied) for making my day.

The Blackhawks visited DC yesterday to bring the Cup to the White House a second time.  While I should have been peering through fences and avoiding snipers for a glimpse, even Intern Jeff Skinner’s dimpled smile isn’t getting me out of federal prison.

I doubt most American Presidents give a holler about hockey – Barack hasn’t been to a Caps game and the official White House transcript of the Hawks’ last visit refers to Toews simply as “Player” –  but I appreciate their enthusiasm.  And the Hawks for bringing Obama a road jersey this year, since he already has a home sweater.

When the Hawks were here in 2011, everyone was giddy.  There was a mini Cup.  There was the kind of Toewsface that sometimes ends up on a watch list.  It was one Sponge Bob cake shy of a kids birthday party.

This time, the Blackhawks are grown up and sophisticated. They are men who win (often), represent their city and who bring their game faces when they come to the big stage.  Right, Captain Toews?

Of course right.

This year, the honor of wearing a gray suit went to Kaner.  I must say it works on him; that and standing up front.  Boy, he is fun size.

I love this White House tradition.  I have called my father out over not being President for this very reason.  He assured me that would result in the Flyers winning every year the Rangers didn’t, and I’d be running around locking doors and challenging everyone’s immigration status. Perhaps that is the true meaning of democracy – being civil for a photo with your enemy.

Shhh, I’m just going to plant this evidence.

My dad also pointed out that before long, I will be old enough to run for President myself.  Frankly that is rude,but…

NEW LIFE PLAN.  Phase One: Delete this blog.  Phase Two: Stanley Cup White House Prom and Kegger, Sponsored by Reebok and Yuengling.

You are all invited – and you’ll all be called in my background check.  Consider that when answering carefully.

#TeamEbs took over the NHL Instagram account and used the opportunity to make fun of Molly Ringwald.

Our favorite boy band also introduced an act at the Canadian Country Music Awards.  (All the things I love – hockey, Canada, country music – in one place.)

The NHL had their Media Day and Sidney Crosby took his hockey stick to the prom (again).

John Tavares was named the 14th captain of the USS NY Islanders.  Just when you think it can’t get more adorkable, he says “heck” in his speech, wears black shorts with black shoes and just about kills us all. (Press conference |  Interview)

He also did a… workout video.  That should be Rated R.  Hey!  I am not the one who says “explosive hip thrusts” fifty times.

Proof that JT91 is the nicest: Everyone says “Tavahhhres” while John says “TavAIRes.”  I bet he never corrects anyone.

Also, the Hawks went to a Bears game.

Resulting in the best Tweet of the weekend:

(Source: @Drunk_Kane88, thanks to @Brn_idPensGrl for the send.)

The Penguins annual season ticket delivery happened.  This would need to take place with said Penguin being delivered to my house in an ambulance, then my mom could drive him home after the EMTs take me away.

As per usual, Crosby went to zero houses where anyone under 60 lives.  He did sweat his was handsomely through the attention.

What’s cuter than awkward Sid?  GENO!  I have missed you!  He is 12 feet tall and doesn’t brush his hair.  Those are some Russian jeans he’s got on too.  Who cares?!  I want to hug him.

You can see them all at the Pens website, including this moment where Neal signs a baby.

Speaking of Penguins, it’s JStaal’s birthday today.  I miss him.  Let’s all take a moment to wish the Canes a good season, and then eat some cake.

Jordan was our very first Happy Birthday post in 2010, and again in 2011.

This happened two weeks ago and I never even saw it – The Mike Green Clinic on What Shoes to Wear With Golf Shorts:

Source: Twitter

Do you think d-men like Green and Seabs enjoy seeing scorers like Stammer and Bergy in the off-season?  One more from this tournament…

More photos here.

That’ll teach me to go on vacation.  Just wait until the season starts!  I may not survive.  I’m sure there’s more right now but I must work because that Game Center Live bill is coming soon too.

(Who am I kidding?  Start that workout video again.)

]]> http://whatsupyasieve.com/2013/09/10/summers-almost-gone/feed/ 12 http://whatsupyasieve.com/2013/07/29/blackhawks-convention-13/ http://whatsupyasieve.com/2013/07/29/blackhawks-convention-13/#comments Mon, 29 Jul 2013 16:23:09 +0000 http://wuys.wpengine.com/?p=17239 Both Chuck and I are drowning in work today, but over the weekend hockey players were dancing.  Emergency post.

Remember last year’s Blackhawks Convention, when we thought nothing could ever top this?

Phone booth not included.

Patrick Kane heard us.  And declared shenanigans.

Bless this girl who gets up to the mic and asks Toews & Kane for a dance off. Bless her to the WUYS Hall of Fame, where Intern Jeff Skinner will bring her favorite non-alcoholic beverage and some candy, stat.  Watch this the entire way through [VIDEO].  If you don’t survive the combination of squirm-inducing awkwardness and dance moves, consider yours an honorable death.

gifs from beauttbennett.tumblr.com

What have we learned?  Jonathan Toews is fun.  At least sometimes.

He boldly teases Kaner then quickly remembers who he’s talking to and tries to retract.  Luckily Corey Crawford is right there for us.  Once you get it Jon, it’s yours.  No takebacks.

This is my danceface.

Other lessons: You can’t beat Patrick Kane.  Give him an inch and he’ll turn his mile into an almost-lap dance for the ages.

All while looking spectacularly handsome.  Really, WHAT is going on there? Every summer, Patrick Kane sheds his Patrick Kane-ness and turns up looking like that hot counselor you never got at tennis camp.  He checked his reflection in the Conn Smythe Trophy and we promise, Pat, everybody likes what they see.

Shave and a haircut, two bits.

While it’s true that maybe the Blackhawks have had enough winning for a while, they sure do make it look good.

There are a zillion other highlights from this event that I haven’t had time to watch.  Tumblr and Google away, friends.  Start with more great photos at photographybykm.tumblr.com.

I’ll be watching this on repeat for two months a while.

from Geno’s Instagram

Well no, our obsession with boys in glasses began long ago.  Maybe it was when Chuck and I got our own glasses, or when we realized that we a) are nerds and b) like nerds.  Glasses may be more cool than Coke bottle these days, but the allure remains.

Smart is sexy.  The appearance of intelligence doesn’t hurt either.  It really helps if you look like you might read a book once in a while, and we’re not talking about the Official Strategy Guide for World of Warcraft.  (Kidding!  Mr. Pants has this.)

Based on the knowledge that girls do make passes at boys who wear glasses, here’s a collection of indisputable, photographic proof.

Foxy Friday: Hockey Players in Glasses

Okay, that’s unfair.

Now is the time to embrace your inner dork and give in.

Don’t kid us with your faux-frames, Kevin!  Kes would never do that.

Glasses can really improve any outlook.

They cannot overcome two earrings though, Buff.

And make terrifying things like Shea Weber’s beard slightly less so.

Glasses are a gateway drug for hipsters…

He’s since had Lasik, sorry.

… and at the same time, their crowning glory.

We haven’t seen these specs since Paul Gaustad left for Nashville…

Or since Chris Kirkpatrick’s turtleneck wardrobe went out of style.

That awkward high school photo of everyone, ever.

They can be used as a disguise…

Cape optional.

But if we see them on TV, we’re going to want to see them on your face.  We’re talking to you, James Neal.

And we’re not above getting your best friend to peer pressure you (or withhold breakfast).

Heck, glasses even work on Flyers…

And ex-boyfriends (who are now Flyers)…

And lobsters.

You don’t have to be a part-time model.  But it doesn’t hurt.

BONUS ROUND! Suggested by @jstefanc:

Happy Friday!

Whatever you expected from a Patrick Kane party, you were underestimating.

SWEDES, you have passed us!! (photo by @jstefanc)

Police barricades can’t stop this cute at the Hawks parade. (also by @jstefanc)

Drunk Toews getting off the drunk bus by holding onto the stripper pole.

Kaner letting a guy with this mustache get all up on his trunk.

Corey Crawford, heavyweight f-bomb champion of the day.

Patrick Kane doing exactly that I’d do with the Cup AGAIN – take it to see Jimmy Buffett and Mac McAnally!

All these people who had more fun than we did on Friday.

Babies with the Cup.

And finally, this photo of Viktor Stalberg’s girlfriend that explains life, the universe and everything.

We’re with you, honey.

Patrick Kane, two track mind.  Hockey and…

I need a break.

But hockey stops for no Pants.

Over the last few days some important things have happened.  It’s our job to keep you informed, and keep you from from turning on the TV in October and shouting, “What the hell, Vinny Lecavalier is a Dallas Star?!”

Lecavalier Buy Out

In 2009, the Lightning signed Vinny to an 11-year, $85 million contract.  Now in 2013, they are returning him to the store for a 33% refund.  Should’ve bought that at Nordstrom, they’re famous for buying back old tires.

Vinny’s offensive output has steadily declined over the past few years [stats] as injuries have mounted.  With 7 years left on his deal, the Lightning will have to pay him 2/3 of the remaining $45 million (or $29.7 million), plus guaranteed signing bonuses totaling $8 million [Cap Geek].  Yes – they’re still paying signing bonuses on this deal.  Good lord.  What the Bolts get back is $15+ million in salary plus the clean wipe of $7.727 million/year off their salary cap.

(Math admittedly done by Pants.  Corrections anyone?)

Stevie Y explained the move [story].  He failed to confirm if they’re investing the saved money in a cryogenic chamber for Marty St. Louis to sleep in all summer.

Alex Tanguay Back in Colorado

File Under: Things Only Pants Cares About

Not true!  This trade sent David Jones and Shane O’Brien to CGY for Alex and Cory Sarich.  Avs fans, do you love this?!  [These guys say yes!]

If you’re new to my mad ramblings, here’s a recap: Alex Tanguay is my lobster.  My LTHR (Long-Term Hockey Relationship).  I had a shirt that just says TANGUAY  made off some website in 2000.  In ’04 I scheduled an entire cross-country drive with my dad around seeing a game in Denver… and Alex didn’t even play!! I have never seen him play, in fact.  Love don’t need a reason, y’all.

Why would I be excited about seeing a player I love traded to the second-worst team in the NHL (last season)?  Nostalgia, really.  The way Alex played in Colorado.  Plus he came from Calgary and they weren’t doing much anyway.  Forsberg should’ve saved his brief comeback for this because reuniting the AMP line would have put me over the edge.

Also, I now feel less bad about rejoicing when Iginla went to the Penguins.

People Who Have Dumped Alex Tanguay for Sidney Crosby:

• Pants
• Jarome Iginla

Sorry, Tangs.  Welcome home.

Danny Briere Still Needs a Team

Nothing can happen until July 5, when Danny (and Bryz and Vinny) officially become free agents.  Until then, I’m just saying:

I’m an excellent tour guide.

Kris Letang Turns Down $54 million for 8 Years

And so the huge contracts catch up with everyone.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Letang.  I love him on defense when it’s not this year in the playoffs.  This offer is a bargain compared to Shea Weber’s 14-year/$110 million contract and Ryan Suter’s $13-year/$98 million deal.

But read that Vinny Lecavalier part again.  Think about Luongo and Bryz and almost Ovechkin there for a second when it looked like $9.5 million a year was buying 35 goals.  Of course Kris wants a huge, long-term contract.  Right now, every team in the League sees these contracts as bricks being thrown through very expensive windows.  (Note: Per the new CBA, eight years is the max contract length for a player re-signing with his current team.  Seven years for a new team. [link]  Thanks Lindsay and Alison, who are reading the CBA for fun.)

“Fabulous Harry, I love the feathers.”

Mark Messier Leaves the Rangers

I was home in NY two weeks ago, reading a full page cover story on Mark Messier interviewing for the Rangers head coaching position.  The next day, Alain Vigneault got the job.  I laughed, because the timing was embarrassing and I hate the Rangers.  But I don’t hate Mark Messier.  He will join the team to build the Kingsbridge National Ice Center in the Bronx, NY, which will be the largest indoor ice complex in the world and boast nine skating rinks [link].

Sounds to me like a place they could have put the Islanders, if Brooklyn didn’t beat them to it.

The Coyotes Could Actually Move

Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme….

No, no, really!  The City of Glendale, AZ will vote July 2 on a lease agreement for the Coyotes Arena (Jobing.com Arena).  If they okay the lease, the NHL can sell the team to an outfit that would keep it in AZ [story].  If they don’t, Bettman says there’s time to move the team before the start of next season.   That’s a 3 month window, without training camp.    They’ll be packing like a breakup, tossing everything out the window onto the lawn.  Leave the gun, take the cannoli.

More on the deal, including a clause that would let the new owners end & move the Coyotes in 5 years anyway, from Phoenix Business Journal.

What else is new?  I’m surely missing something, blogging on half-screen while watching the Blackhawks parade.  And that first Patrick Kane gif….

credit: sportsmockery

I’m sure Chuck will do a post about the Bruins when she’s ready.  For now we send her and our other Bruins fan friends love.  We’ve all had teams lose before, but not everyone’s team has lost in the Cup Final.  Mine has.  It’s worse than anything.  So even if you hate the Bruins, hug a Bruins fan today.

Since hockey stops for no one, here are a few of my thoughts on last night’s game.  I promise to be gentle.

Blackhawks Win

I’m so happy for them.  If you’re around here a lot you know I like the Hawks quite a bit – they’re my Western Conference team and rank #3 among my hockey favorites.

That said, holy shit do I wish last night had been the Penguins.  Or the Capitals.  In that order.  You can bet your socks I would have run screaming through my neighborhood, onto the highway and not stopped until I reached whatever city my team was hoisting the Cup in.  Watching another team win is like watching someone else get in your boyfriend’s car and drive off.  Even if you like the girl.  That’s YOUR prize.

Speaking of prizes… almost!

So while I enjoyed last night’s win – and predictably burst into tears at the final buzzer – it wasn’t quite everything it could have been for me.

Plenty of everything for these folks.

For our Hawks fan friends – congratulations.  You, Chuck and I all know what that feels like from recent years.  Enjoy it.

The Bruins

Chuck will surely say something eloquent and heartfelt about her team and how proud she is.  Let me, who does not like the Bruins at all (not even a little), say this: Well done.  I wouldn’t hate you if you weren’t worth hating, and for that you must be good and strong and fast and so fucking frustrating.  You deserved to be in the Final and you earned my renewed hatred with some incredible hockey.

Patrice Bergeron – You, sir, can stay.  You can be Chuck’s boyfriend anytime.  Playing Game 6 with a broken rib, torn cartilage and a separated shoulder, no tape or stitches – that’s holding it together with your heart.  I am not sitting with Marchand at the wedding, though.  Put me between Seguin and the bar.

The Blackhawks

You guys know I get the Crosby-level prideweep over Jonathan Toews.  Back in April 2012, I wrote:

 If I were ever on a sinking ship, I’d want to look across the deck and see Jonathan Toews in charge of the lifeboats because you know everyone is getting to safety in a single file line holding their toothbrush and enough money to call home. [link]

Still true.  Toews has the heart of a lion and apparently… a sense of humor.  No! Stop!  Okay, dance.

Puck Daddy: Toews does the Moonwalk

from sheercompulsion.tumblr.com

If you were writing this for a sports movie, Andrew Shaw would take a puck to the face and bleed through the whole game.  A rivulet of blood would trickle down his cheek as he lifted the Cup.  I hope your movie was Rated R for how many f-bombs Shawzer dropped on national TV.

Last but not least, Kaner with the Conn Smythe.  Do you agree?   What about Crawford?  I could (and did) argue both ways.  Who cares, since they got the Cup?  Patrick Kane, pride of Upstate NY.  We’re going to see this mullet every year in the playoffs now – it’s a powerful weapon.

In the playoffs there are heroes everywhere.  Gregory Campbell.  Brian Bickell.  Everyone did their part.  Congratulations to the Blackhawks on their win.  Congratulations to the Bruins for doing what 28 other teams could not do.

Now summer is here – thank heaven for all the very attractive Cup celebration photos coming our way.

Is it October yet?

Not now, girls.

 Er, we may be feeling warmer and fuzzier and playoff-ier…

Seriously!  Hold it together.

Then someone says:

from NBC Chicago

OKAY, WE LOVE YOU AGAIN!

So much for being cool.

He should’ve known better.

Five outdoor games have been announced for next season, including Penguins/Blackhawks at Soldier Field, Chicago on March 1, 2014.

Also known as:

Or was it…

The show ain’t called Chicago for nothing.

Whatever they call it, we’re going.  You’re invited.  Get started now.

 Don’t forget to pack your:

Because this trip is:

Apparently this is all still being finalized.  Good luck with that, because you already yelled fire in a crowded room.