If you want me girl let me know…

Can’t lose with an *N Sync joke, right? That should be a slam dunk.

But no.

Got a phil-ing about some nachos in this picture.

Bahahasnortlaughahaha! PHIL-ings! I’ve got Phil-ings about your bowl haircut and what you insist on wearing, Kessel, but nothing this funny. I see him laughing at all the guys traded to/from the Leafs today, while at the same time silently shaking his head, “No, God no!” at Stamkos.

This one also made me snarf. The word “horn” always makes me laugh like a 7th grader in health class-slash-Georgia Nicholson.

Tell me someone’s read Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging.

The Sid card is cute…

C is for 4 point games and other things that don’t start with C.

But it’s not as good or true as this:

just say yes

Here are all the Penguins Valentine’s. Honorable mention for the adoration derp they caught on Kris Letang’s face:

Me, when I see the sign for In-N-Out Burger.

You know I hate to say it, but some of these Flyers Valentine’s are pretty funny. If you’re into orange and liking things you hate.

Cupid Giroux should have matching wrist casts. If you can play beer pong…

I assume these Bolts cards are from 2016, because if people have been saying “bae” for over a year I’ll feel even more despair about American culture. (Update: These are from last year. I give up on you, American youth.)

When the NHL adopts it, you know a trend is over.

Did I miss any teams that have 2016 cards? The Predators did Valentines last year [link], but I’m not sure how they could top the weird and scared feeling this conveyed:

There are conventions for this kind of mascot stuff.

We’ll be on the lookout for more cards this week, even thought all our PHIL-ings may be committed already.

Times I Don’t Care That You Insist on Wearing  Chain

Stop looking at me, swan.

That’s it. That’s the whole list.

I will also begin a new list: Reasons We Have 47 Twitter Notifications Before 10 AM

The single listed item will be the same.

As ever, he is the list.

Here’s a Southern California tourism video designed to fool you into moving to SoCal for five years where you will never once see this…

A day off in Southern California? Sounds like the perfect time for beach volleyball. https://t.co/zCjJqmB79h

— Pittsburgh Penguins (@penguins) December 3, 2015

Unless you buy a really big TV and watch Top Gun. [Obligatory scene here]

California dreamin’, on such a winter’s day.

It’s going to have to be one of those 4K Ultra TVs. Maybe with 3D.

Duper would be your wingman any time.

It’s okay if Hornqvist is your favorite Penguin after watching this clip. Ian Cole’s gingerbeard and cat snuggling were pretty impressive,  but this is a whole new level.

The Pens spanked the Sharks 5-1 on Tuesday night, and don’t play again until they face the Kings at 4PM on Saturday. That leaves alllllllll day tomorrow for more beach volleyball. In case anyone (else) is interested.

The highest of fives.