The Penguins have already found the perfect off-ice role for Pascal Dupuis: Team Dad. It would explain a lot about how attractive this team is. I mean, Potash’s Reba McEntire wig didn’t make this:

Is anything more 90’s than spray deodorant?

That’s a lot of fun for a team that can’t win a freaking game.

Actual photo of the NHL team standings

The Sharks, reigning kings of the Holiday Video, know how good they are. This year they’ve made it an event. Five behind-the-scenes videos a la VH1’s Behind the Music – three here, and two more yet to come (today and 12/24).

They are really committed to this – already nearly 8 minutes of content and not a smile cracked on camera. Well, except for mine when I saw Chuck’s #1 Dream Combination come true for a single, still second:

Objection. More 90’s than spray deodorant: Joe Thornton and *N Sync.

There is also a contest to win an appearance in their 2016 video. I love that they’re thinking about next year when we haven’t even see this year’s yet.

That #2 team in the NHL, the Capitals, chose to spoof A Christmas Story, and it’s glorious. [Video] They basically put glasses on everyone who could be improved by them.

Fa-ra-ra-ra-raaaaaah…

And those who couldn’t, well…

Does the Easter Bunny visit Russia?

The Flames went right for the low-hanging fruit: the ugly NHL Christmas sweater. They helpfully feature all five (!) of the Flames ugly sweater designs. (We feel you, Rover.) Chuck’s poor, beloved Dougie Hamilton wins/loses this one – that a lot of yellow even if he weren’t a ginger. Luckily, a cameo by Brandon Bollig’s abs make Christmas the day of giving all over again.

The Senators also broke out the ugly sweaters… sort of. How many hairstyles got made for these little LEGO guys?

Overall, that gets a meh. But the coach should definitely say “Karl” more often. I wasn’t sure he was talking to the only other guy in the scene.

The Canucks went to musical route but, unlike the Habs, left the heavy lifting to other people. Smart move. I may despise The Sound of Music and only understand 20% of the references here, but it’s well done.

And anytime a music video allows hockey players to break the Nick Carter Rule (no freestyle dancing, you dork), we are in.

Speaking of singing and, er, dancing, I’m just going to let the Blues video speak sing for itself.

Stick to what you’re good at, Blues. So, basically this (photo from @BedGear):

Alison printed this out and showed it to Santa.

Many teams that didn’t produce videos found other ways to spread holiday cheer. The Islanders did some toy shopping for delivery to a local hospital. The Blackhawks did a hospital visit, and the Wild too. I stopped counting after that. The Devils don’t have a video, but Adam Henrique still went out in search of another human that shares his affinity for elf culture.

Celebratory cheekbones

Did we miss any? We’d hate for Santa to leave anyone off his list! You know there’s something extra under the tree for anyone who embarrasses themselves for the sake of our entertainment.

Update: From the AHL’s Providence Bruins, here’s Max Talbot and Co. after raiding Henrique’s closet.

Bonus points for the matching tie.

Update #2, from Natalie: Not-team related, but we’ll post because Roman Josi can have our column whenever he wants it. Also, I require an explanation of these pants.

From @rjosi90

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, friends. May your days be merry and bright – and your nights full of your team earning points.

Welcome to our annual playoff predictions, where Chuck selects teams based on actual hockey things and Pants make wishes on shiny pennies. (note from Pants: Amazingly, we have about the same track record. Maybe I learn things through texting with her.)

Eastern Conference

Canadiens vs. Senators

Chuck: Senators. I know their late season surge is partially responsible for the Bruins not making the playoffs, but come on, people.  There is no way in seven hells that I’m rooting for the Canadiens to win.  Plus the Sens have momentum on their side – they won their last three games vs the Habs and they are riding the hot glove of the Hamburgler.

Pants: WHO CARES? No, really. I think the Habs will win because Carey Price. And I hope they will win because they are predictable when faced by a next-round opponent who could by one of my teams. The Sens have lived up to their “pesky” reputation time and again, and I don’t have the stomach for their upswings now.

Lightning vs. Red Wings

Chuck: Lightning. A deep forward corps and young guns like Palat & Kucherov give the Bolts eletricity in the scoring department.  Foxy Friday Brian Boyle is holding down the 4th line, scored 15 goals, and has even played shifts of defense. We love guys that can multitask. But the thought of losing the Zetterbeard so early in the playoffs….

Not okay.

Pants: Uh, Lighting. Apologies to @lm1485‘s grandmother and the stuffed duck on her porch who wears a Red Wings jersey, but the Wings are on the downward slope away from the top of the League.  We know what it’s like to look around and suddenly, everyone else is 25.

Rangers vs. Penguins

Chuck: Rangers.  NYR went b***s to the wall at the trade deadline and made some very strategic moves to complete their roster.  Rick Nash has been his best against the Pens this season with 7 points over 4 games (3 of which the Rangers won).  Add in the the 1-2 goaltending punch of Lundqvist and Talbot, and the Rangers are a force that should put other East teams on notice.

Pants: PENGUINS. If I learned anything from Grease, it was: what skipping a period meant it was: if I can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter. Short of lacing up some skates and toe picking my way out there to hold a &$%#ing lead myself (I considered this), the only solution is to focus my energy into a laser beam of love and intention – hopefully one that can move the puck away from the Pens’ net. Maybe instead of watching Grease, I should have kept watching Star Wars. Also, if I haven’t mentioned it in five minutes, I hate the Rangers.

Capitals vs. Islanders

Chuck:  Push.  These teams have not met in the playoffs since 1993 so you know that this is going to be some hype. Islanders are moving out of Nassau Coliseum at the end of this season so that might make give this series and playoffs some extra gravitas, but I think that these teams are pretty evenly matched. High-powered captains? Check. Goaltending? Check. Puck possession teams? Check.  This one is gonna be gooood. #BuckleUp

Pants: Capitals yaaaaaaaaas. But why does this have to be? Why can’t I just want John Tavares and his pleated khaki, double-strapped backpack, tucked-in shirt and first day of school haircut to win in the playoffs? Still, I don’t. As I wrote about in my guide to liking more than one team, you need to prioritize and stick to your guns. Even when the other gun looks like this:

Screencap of My Life by @ambitiouspants

Capitals, don’t make me regret this.

Who are your 1st round picks? Comment below!

So this week, we bring you learning.

Foxy Friday: Peter Regin

Peter is a 26-year old center from Herning, Denmark.  He’s got an old-school Zack Morris thing going on, minus the teal varsity jacket (nobody’s perfect).

This is Peter’s fourth full season with the Senators.  He had 13 goals in ’09-’10, then a disappointing 3 goal campaign in ’10-’11 cut short by a season-ending shoulder dislocation in February 2011.  The injury, corrected twice by surgery, sidelined him for all but 10 games last season.

During the lockout, he earned 5 points in just 4 games with Switzerland’s SC Langenthal.  Now, he’s back in the Ottawa lineup and hopefully healthy, because he’s got big skates to fill.

Originally destined for the Seantors’ third or fourth line [HockeyBuzz.com], the recent injury to center (and everyone’s boyfriend ever, says Jess) Jason Spezza creates an interesting space for Regin.

He’s already spent time filling Spezza’s spot on the Senators top-line.

Peter doesn’t have any points yet this season, but his 12 shots on goal show some promise.  Spezza will be out two months for surgery to a herniated disk in his back [Puck Daddy].  This scary forecast for the Senators is Regin’s chance to step up his game.

Read The Ottawa Sun and Ottawa Citizen‘s thoughts on Regin’s 2013 season, written prior to Spezza’s injury.  Then quadruple the expectations, pressure and need, and tune in when the Senators face the Hurricanes tonight.

Here’s Regin with Cosmo’s “Hottest Senator” Marc Methot.  We think he gives both Marc and our pick Erik Karlsson a run for their money.

Remember that one parent with the plastic comb that “fixed” everyone’s hair on school picture day?  That parent was absent from the Penguins locker room.

I just woke up and why are there girls here?

I just woke up and where is Lazy?

I just woke up and yeah, I look pretty good.

Meanwhile, all capable Pens grow light brown facial hair.  That’s an order.

Vitale, Orpik and even Paul Martin, looking a little like Justin Timberlake, no?

The Blackhawks must have had a big night out before their photos.  This has Walk of Shame written all over it.

Vampires are passé now, Seabs.

But not Toews.  He doesn’t like fun.  He wakes up every morning looking like the high school quarterback who never signed your yearbook, just left you dreaming about that time he breathed on you in the hallway outside English.

I don’t know what happened to Viktor Stalberg here, but this picture isn’t even on Tumblr.  It’s been shunned by the church and we don’t talk about it anymore.

The Capitals, oh man.  Should I be worried that this half of the team:

Pink edit,but I couldn’t find Brooksy anywhere else!

.. isn’t friends with this half of the team?  Because friends don’t let friends get photographed like this.

Then again, has anyone told Mike Green?  I will submit this whole blog to “What Not to Wear.”  Exhibit One: From last year to this year…

I am 99% weeping and 1% wondering if he has the stigmata.

Tampa Bay obviously has the right idea about photos in general, what with the beaches and the shirtless and the flexing.  But here, Vinny has never looked so French.  He’s the mean food critic from Ratatouille.

Tom Pyatt has the look I get when trying to remember if he’s Tom or Taylor.

And of course, from the Jonathan Toews School of Upstaging Everyone:

Hey girl, let me help you with that yoga pose.

Now that Ebs & Hall have As up in Edmonton, RNH can’t figure out who he should be listening to.

I’m smiling. Smiling’s cool.

Don’t smile. Smiling is for losers.

Mom and Dad, stop fighting!

I can’t deal with the Hurricanes right now.  The Southeast Division is too crowded with people I love for Jordan Staal to be both Jordan Staal AND be in this jersey.  He needs to pick one.

Because there’s already Intern Jeff Skinner.  Look how proud he is of that hair.

It’s not surprising the Rangers run a tight ship.  Like the Yankees before them, their grooming standards are top notch and they don’t let just anybody in looking homeless and hungover.  Looking foxy is very serious in NYC.

I don’t see new shots of Nash & Richards, so I’m holding out hope we can mess up their hair first.

Update: All the Rangers photos. We didn’t get there in time beat slicked-back. (Thanks Beth!)

I’m not going through the Senators roster because frankly, I don’t know them well enough.  I do know that when 95% of your team is smiling for the camera, like they’re actually really excited, that I get excited too.  Overall best in show so far, Ottawa – except that one guy circled below.  Party pooper.

A quick search for San Jose yielded only one photo – but it’s enough.  Just put this down for every name on the roster.  Brent Burns appears to be guest-starring on Sponge Bob Square Pants or Moonshiners.

Cosmopolitan’s Hottest Shark, folks:

More teams as the photos continue to roll in!

A large part of our anxiety is that if the NHL does lockout, we will be denied a new shiny batch of Foxy Fridays to choose from.  And that is just not fair.

For this week’s feature, we look at some rookies & top NHL draft picks looking to make it into the esteemed and exclusive Foxy Friday Fraternity.

Nail Yakupov – Edmonton Oilers

The new Russian Machine?

Brady Skjei – New York Rangers

Like this team needs any more reasons to get foxier.  The last name along is worthy.  Also, is it just me, or does he looks suspiciously like Ethan Embry’s little brother?

Henrik Samuelsson – Phoenix Coyotes

Swedish. Again, we say – what is in the water?!!??

Ryan Murray – Columbus Blue Jackets

The departure of Rick Nash has seriously depleted the foxy in Columbus. Enter Ryan Murray to save the day.

Cody Ceci – Ottawa Senators

Hmmmm…shoulders….

Filip Forsberg – Washington Capitals

Seriously, Sweden!  WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR COUNTRY?

Justin Courtnall – Boston Bruins

Those eyes are peering into my soul…and I like it.

Tom Wilson – Washington Capitals

The hair. The face. The hair, again.

Look out, Mike Green.

So, who do you think deserves consideration as a future Foxy Friday? Any other rookies or draft picks you think we should include on this list?

1. Carl Hagelin

Former Foxy Friday and Ryan Gosling stun- double Carl Hagelin is not known for throwing elbows and getting dirrrty.  But the playoffs make people do crazy things.  He took out Daniel Alfredsson with a very high hit yesterday.

Alfredsson, the Sens’ captain, did not return to the game.  There’s been no update on Alfredsson’s status.  Hagelin served a five minute major and will be sentenced today.  Tortorella said “wah!” but that’s what he always says.

2. Matt Carkner

This guy is off his anger-management meds.  Boyle had a goal in game 1 and got into it with Karlsson to the tune of matching roughing minors.  It merits the clean check Carkner throws to start this, and probably a fight.  I understand protecting your most valuable asset.  But Carkner doesn’t square off, he jumps Boyle and drags him face-down across the ice under the dogpile.

Carkner got five for fighting, two for instigating and ejected.  Brandon Dubinsky was the third man into the fight and also got himself a game misconduct.  He took his frustration out on the Gatorade cooler.

This series is officially ugly.  I think Shanahan will suspend Hagelin for one game, especially if Alfie can’t play tomorrow.  The hit was directly to the head and otherwise you open it up to chaos.  If Carkner went after Boyle for a play that didn’t result in Karlsson being injured, what will they do to the guy who knocked out their captain?  Hagelin is not Boyle – he may not live to tell the tale.

Carkner definitely gets suspended here.  Fight a guy clean to protect your teammates, that’s hockey.  This is cowardice and can’t be allowed to stand.

3. Andrew Shaw

Goalies are like virgins whose fathers are right inside the front door with a shotgun – don’t touch them, it’s not worth it.  Chicago’s Andrew Shaw collided with Phoenix netminder Mike Smith last night, helmet-to-helmet. Smith went down hard and stayed there for a long time.

Shaw got a five minute charging major, on which the Coyotes scored to take the lead.  He was ejected as well.  Smith eventually got right and stayed in the game… what?  He must have passed whatever on-ice tests are administered immediately following a hit to the head, but this looked like a mandatory trip to the quiet room.  I think a five + game should suffice as Smith wasn’t injured on the play.  The hearing is tomorrow.

What do you think?  More importantly, if they don’t get what the opposition feels they “deserve,” what happens in game three?

 But when I went to consult my bookie, I mean my oracle- the great swami Osiris Jones, man about town and counselor at law, when he’s not picking NHL play-off games for cat treats, much to my horror this is what I found!

Whut can I saz, I heart king henry

When I told him there’d be no more treats for this treacherous betrayal –

But i'm no foo eder

His brothers are much smarter and helped with the sign making for tomorrows big trek across the border. With Doughty getting so much ice time I am sure to get my money’s worth so look for this sign in the sea of blue and green: 

yes mom, I am 12 years old ...and I can make a sign like one too!

I’m hoping to get some exclusive shots for the blog if Mr. Gates doesn’t make me stay after school for extra credit. I am also hoping for another game like last night!

Wow - for me? Awesome .... A hatrick for you then!

Swami Jones has spoken ... and it shall come to pass that these two hot horses will play each other in the finals ...

or this: 

Pst ...I hear Dawn's picked us for the finals ...
*****************************************************
Of course she did, I'm reliable and I always come through even though she's saying it's her 'cat' and she hates Pittsburgh

Dawn, Ovi - sorry for the bad season. I do better in play-offs. I promise. BOOM! hahahahahahah

Hockey fans will tell you straight up when something stinks.

I get TPTB wanted to include the fans but thank god we bascially got a bastard child of HISTORY WILL BE MADE! I don’t want to see faux Hollywood replicas of what they think we are doing in our homes/bars/favorites hockey watching spots. Trust me – WE KNOW. And it wasn’t what they were showing us.

I want to see Ovi telling me what he’s GOING to do in the play-offs.

Dear NHL - stilling waiting for Letang's solo "Because of the Cup" ad. Statistically speaking - Pens can win without St. Sid but not with out #58. Just sayin'

I want to see Kris Letang brush his sexy hair out of his face and smile at me as he skates at the screen.

I want to see Erik Karlsson and his glorious mullet, all awkward and sh&t.

Dear little man, may you win the Norris if Kris Letang (a complete dark horse but I wish would win) doesn't.

 Hell, I’d even take Jagr saluting me! (not quite but see below for you hard core philly fans – bless you all!)

You've grown on me like a fungus but you make me laugh - which is hard to do!

Erik Karlsson is on fire and not mentioned – AT ALL – here. I have been loving him for some time now that the Captials season has been in the crapper with Dale Hunter Hockey. It gave me a chance to watch some other teams I may not have noticed.

And he's like two years old so he's not even gotten started on his awesomeness

This isn't his only secret weapon - SPEED is his other one!

The numbers he is putting up this season are amazing so here is some love Erik. You keep rockin’ it my little Swedish bad boy. I love to watch you score!

And on the other coast, I’ve noticed Alex Edler, from the Vancouver Canucks.

I get to play with the Sedin-bots!

With all the talent on that team, I know one might get over looked especially when you have Ryan Kesler taking naked photos. But I consider him the Kris Letang of the West Coast, hot, hard-working but not an attention seeker. He’s a reliable work horse but he also attended the All-Star game.

Every girl loves a sharp dressed defensemen

So just wanted to point out some other hockey players out there and give out some pre-Play-Off-season love because as I stated last year, if your favorite team doesn’t make it, you’ll have to find someone else to cheer for, so ladies, start your choices ….

There is all sorts of right going on in this photo, I don't even know where to start

Because about another 2 minutes in, Max Pacioretty’s smacked my beautiful Kris Letang in the face and all time stood still. It was just like in the movies, all three of my cats scattered in slow motion, I flew up from the floor, defying gravity, a silent scream let loose at decibel levels heard only by crows, cats and dogs escaped my lips, Mr. Cherrie’s beer bottle cracked, and there was blood everywhere on our 36″ TV screen. “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not his beautiful face. Not the nose!” I gasped in complete horror. Not that perfect, beautiful nose.

But the hockey gods would have it that way. Letang would flounder on the ice in a pool of blood. But he wasn’t done. Because he is just that perfect. I paced back and forth waiting for those idiots to give an update but evidently St. Sid is more important than an update on Letang’s perfect, beautiful face because he returned, unannounced in OT to score the winning goal. That is, after a trainer stuck a pin in it and sent him back out. OUCH!

Yes, you heard me, THE WINNING GOAL. Letang, with a broken nose, comes back and scores the game winner in OT.

But he did mention that he will make sure it gets back to perfect because he wants to model after his hockey career. A man has to have his priorities.

rock out with your hawk out!

So I’ve spent the last hour watching paint dry and picking my toe nails but then I found this suspicious little nugget on youtube and if I didn’t know any better, I swear it sounds like Pants and Chuck disguising their voices. Note the odd change in pitch? And you can’t see their faces. They are certainly stalkers. They are both on the East coast right now. And they are congratulating him on his win LAST NIGHT. hum…. I don’t think it takes Sherlock Holmes to figure this one out. But one of you needs to shave your legs. I’m just saying!

Anyway, because I had nothing better to do, I was watching the Penguins get SPANKED by Ottawa this weekend as Pants failed to mention in her post about Sid’s horrendous stache situation. There was a glorious fight between Godard and Carkner where Godard got popped and popped HARD by Carkner several times. You couldn’t really tell until they were pulled apart like the girls from the Duran Duran video “Girls on Film” but Godard was bleeding and went to the locker room. End of story – right? NO.

Godard comes back and like a kid dropped on his head too many times, tried to go AGAIN with Carkner. WHY? They show Godard on the bench draining his eye. It’s swollen SHUT. He looks like a Cabbage Patch kid. It wasn’t like Carnker started the first fight. It wasn’t like Carnker was taunting him. But when Godard got back on the ice, he grabbed Carkner and wanted to dance with him again. To Carkner’s credit, he kept his gloves and stick. You could tell he kept saying he wasn’t going to go. But Godard evidently needed a hug or something. Godard got a ten minute game misconduct and sent packing.

The point of the post? I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE WHAT 24/7 HAS TO SAY ABOUT THIS! INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW! We many never know what Carkner was thinking but WTF – Godard ….? Tune in tomorrow because I hope Godard remembers.