Almost as exciting as Ebs’ NYE hat trick – 3 goals in 3 minutes! 

Showoff. [Post-Game Interview] #TeamEbs

Not to be outdone, Molly Ringwald leads the entire World Junior tournament with 11 points in 4 games.  Team Canada will face Team USA in the semi-final match tomorrow.  USA beat the Czechs 7-0 this morning, so RNH better bring it.

(He had 1 goal in Canada’s 2-1 win over USA last week.)

Like RNH, you could wake up to this message tomorrow morning.  Only it will be 4 AM here (Eastern)!  The game is on NHL Network.

(Hands up if you programmed this into your alarm clock already, followed by Billy Idol’s “Rock the Cradle of Love.”)

Sorry hockey, there’s no way I’d get out of bed for anyone at that hour.

Oh wait….

“SloVAKians.”  Hahaha.

(There are also Subban and Ovi wake-up calls.  Ovi’s new fiancee probably hears that every day!  The girls are patiently awaiting a Jonathan Toews wake-up call, if such a thing exists.  It would be far more effective for getting someone INTO bed, really.)

Well, it’s Ebs’s first-ever pro hat trick to the rescue!

In my our his ongoing effort to make the whole world #TeamEbs, Jordan scored 4 goals and 1 assist on Saturday night.  That’s date night, for those of you playing along at home.  We wish we had a date with a hockey game.

Sad Santa has reported that you cannot buy an Eberle Barons shirt, even though he is the AHL’s top scorer. [store link]

The embargo we’ve imposed on buying anything NHL-related hardly helps, because they don’t make Ebs shirts for women either.  GAH!  It’s okay, we’ll design our own and send Jordan a check.  He can buy a bell for his bike.

Entire post-game interview:

Despite all this, the Barons have dropped to 4th in their division and 7th in the AHL Western Conference.  The standings are pretty jammed up and they’re just six points out of the lead.  Plenty of time left to play… seriously, has hockey season ever seemed so long?

Okay, that’s gratuitous.  I’ll admit it.

UPDATE: Jamie says they do make Ebs shirts for girls.  When the NHL gets its shit together and buys us lots of flowers and chocolates, we might think about getting back together enough to give them money.  Maybe by then the Oilers store will have Ebs’ shirts back in stock.  Though it’ll be a tough choice between that and…

Please, hockey.  Please come back.

There’s still one holdout, she’s over there.

The OKC Barons have won their last five games.  They’ve outscored their opponents 24 to 11.  Two of those games were against the Charlotte Checkers, who now lead the South Division by just two points.  The Barons are now second, and just four points off the AHL Western Conference Lead.

Lindsay texted me a shot of every page of this feature. She’s a hero.

In those five games:  Ebs has 5 goals, 5 assists and 5 points for Gryffindor since this mustache is really a thing.

RNH has 3 goals and 3 assists but you still have to look on an angle to see anything in the Movember department:

Hallsy has 1 goal and a whopping 10 assists.  It has not helped his mustache.

Although it is reflected a little in the glow of his recent award:

Barons defenseman Justin Schultz has 2 goals, 5 assists and some pretty decent facial hair going.

Photo by my birthday twin, @stat19!

Schultz  leads the Barons in overall points and even has a budding bromance with his roomate, RNH.  We are a little jealous!  They are thoughtful and sensitive and went to see Life of Pi together.  Pack him up when you head back to Edmonton, boys.

While Intern Jeff Skinner is not playing in Charlotte, he does not appreciate us rooting for their demise.  He came pretty close to swaying us with:

Shut up, this is awesome!

Not to be outdone, the Barons have a Star Wars Night (April 6) AND they have 80’s night on December 14.  In which none of these guys can play because they were born after 1990.  That’s how it works, right?  I’ll wear my slouch socks and you wear your side ponytail.

.gif by johnntavares.tumblr.com

 Uhh… .sorry.  What was I saying?

Oh yeah.  You can watch the Barons, or any other AHL game, live online at AHL TV.  Single games are $6.99 but honestly, at this point we should probably buy the whole season.