If you do not use this song for any and all Stanley Cup Playoffs montages, then you’re just doing it wrong.

It’s perfection.

You know what?  Just hire us and we’ll take care of it for you.

Sincerely,
Chuck & Pants

(Hahaha, sorry but I had to!)

Meanwhile, back in the playoffs…

These jerks again!  I hate and fear the Flyers in equal measure right now.  And every time I see Danny Briere’s face… everyone cover him!  But that would leave no one to cover the playoffs leading point-scorer (Giroux) or Philly’s season leading goal-scorer (Hartnell)!  Game 1 was great – a strong sign for the Devils who had about 10 minutes off between rounds 1 and 2.  Still, this is exactly how the Pittsburgh series started.  Tonight we’ll see what the Devils bring in game 2.

_________________________________________

The screaming.  The newly-coined 4 letter words.  The way Mike Green refuses my love and plays WORSE than before!  Last night was solid, physical, frantic.  The Rangers were using Green as a bounce house and Mike Knuble was winning footraces.  Ovi played for the blink of an eye (read the decoy theory here and here) but scored the GWG.  For a crash-course in this series, check out a great piece from Puck Daddy.  At least I’m burning a lot of calories watching this stuff.  Game 3 in DC tomorrow night.

_________________________________________

I enjoy a series where both mascots are clearly defined (What is a Capital, exactly? A Ranger?) and have fangs.  Phoenix won game 1 in OT, but weren’t thrilled with their 24-shot performance.  Coyotes’ hot-glove goalie Mike Smith stopped 39 of 42 shots.  So they came back in game 2 with a 39-shot effort that yielded 5 goals.  Give Smith that kind of support and he may be unbeatable.  Chuck is all for the Predators, but they’re going to need a big game when the series moves to Nashville on Wednesday night.

_________________________________________

Chuck’s adopted 2012 team is the LA Kings (she’s with Dawn), who had a goal-splosion last night to win game 2 by a score of 5-2.  Mike Richards rang the bell just 31 seconds in, then LA got 3 in the last 6 minutes of the first period.  More points for everyone named Dustin!  Jonathan Quick doesn’t care what seed you are, world.  The Kings take their 2-0 series lead back to LA Thursday night with the best momentum of any team still playing.

I can’t make any honest Round 3 predictions with a team still in the race, but I’d love to hear yours.  What are you most impressed with, what scares you most?  Who have you come to love or hate?  (Or both, and you can’t say Giroux because that’s my answer!)

7:30pm tonight.

Washington Capitals vs. Boston Bruins.

Battle of the Blog: Pants vs. Chuck – The Final Showdown.

Remember back to your history class when they talked about the gun battle at the OK Corral?

Tonight’s Bruins vs Caps game is going to be just like that.

Only with hockey sticks instead of guns.

Pucks instead of bullets.

Skates instead of spurs.

Please note that both of us look pretty good in cowboy hats and you all know that the Calgary Stampede is high on our bucket list.

Maybe this won’t be as bad as we think it will be.

Oh, who are we kidding?

This is going to be torture.

Are you #TeamChuck or #TeamPants?  Let us know on @WhatsUp_YaSieve

Pants and I are proud to announce that during the playoffs, WUYS will be writing a weekly post on Puck Daddy!!

So much of this right now.

It’ll be about the best (and worst) playoff beards, which is one of the things we simply adore about hockey players.

I heart beards so much that I have been know to accost totally strangers in bars and ask them if I can touch their beards.

Creepy?  Absolutely, but I just can’t resist.  Especially when they are so fluffy.

Special thanks to Greg Wyshynski from Puck Daddy for giving us this great honor.  According to him, he feels our “particular brand of whimsy” regarding this topic would be “sick.”

Best. Compliment. Evah.

Chuck does NOT love.

Not even one little bit.

One win.  One measly little win.

It is so close, we can taste it.

Tastes like peanut butter and happiness.

Yesterday’s 3-1 win over the Lightning was not pretty by any means, but it is a “W” nonetheless.

Bruins’ d-men looks shaky and slow.  Communication between Timmay and ZC33, AF21, DS44, TK12 and the rest of the guys was off and we don’t like it one bit.  But they did stick Big Z in front of the net to screen out Smith.  Well played, Claude.  It’s like trying to see around a California redwood.

Bruins let TB score early in the first (again!).  Guys, we can’t let this happen anymore.  WUYS forbids it.  It is soul-crushing and we can’t take the stress about the B’s having to come from behind a minute into the game.

We’re totally cool with goalies playing the puck…when it is safe and necessary to do so.  Too many times this series Timmay has gone back to play the biscuit and crashed into a defensemen or misplayed the puck leading to a turnover.  Do us a favor, Timmy.  Just stay in your home.  Don’t venture out.  Become agoraphobic.  Those blue lines are to become your personal little bubble.

Bruins got scoring from Horton, Motorscooter Marchand, and Rich Peverley, who I’m sure goes home everything and prays to baby Jesus in the tuxedo t-shirt that he got out of Atlanta when he did.  While his former teammates back up their u-hauls and deal with the drama of the Thrashers relocation to Winnipeg, RP49 is one win away from getting the chance to play for Lord Stanley’s Cup.

The game was hard-fought and one could argue that the Lightning outplayed the Bruins, but some how the Killer B’s pulled it out.

Like the proverbial rabbit out of hat.

Game 6 is tomorrow night in Tampa Bay.  *fingerscrossed*  no magical tricks required.

FOXY FRIDAY: Tyler Seguin

On Monday, Tyler Seguin was just a baby caterpillar in his little cocoon.  On Tuesday, he emerged as a beauty butterfly with black and gold wings.

"I'm gonna unleash "Magnum" on you right...NOW!"

Seguin is this week’s Foxy Friday because he has left a #19-sized, werewolf-shaped stamp on the Bruins organization, its fans, and on the 2011 NHL Playoffs.

After not playing for the first two rounds of the playoffs, SeguinPenguin finally got the chance to show us why the Bruins selected him 1st overall in the 2010 Entry Draft.   The 6’1″ Brampton, Ontario native stepped up like Channing Tatum in that dance movie and put on a show in Tuesday’s Game 2 vs the Lightning.

In three career playoff games has 6 points (3 goals, 3 assists). Foxy.

He scored two goals and added two assists in the 2nd period of game 2, which tied an NHL record for points in a playoff period & made the rookie just the fourth Bruin to accomplish the feat.  Foxy…four times.

He’s displayed awesome speed and a youthful exuberance that is a joy to watch. Foxy.

He even looks good in a hideous 1970’s budget Bruins jacket. Foxy.

Clickity for Game 2 Presser

He makes an excellent iced coffee.  Foxy.

"Regulaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

He’s ab-tastic and armed and dangerous.  Foxy.

Pants does not approve of your name tattoo...but she does approve of your muscles.

Soaring to new heights...

He looks awesome in a suit AND a Red Sox jersey.  Foxy.

I swear my mom DIDN'T pick this out for me.

Apparently he is channeling “Teen Wolf” with his interesting choice of playoff facial hair.  Foxy?

Baby playoff beard...

The jury is still out on this one…but at least he doesn’t have Bieber Bangs…

The reason it has been a good day is very simple.

It is because of last night’s Bruins game and this guy…

The Ring-a-ding Kid

Tyler Seguin.

It is because of you that Bruins fans worldwide have that post-victory, dewy glow.  We have an extra pep in our step.  We smile easier.  Food tastes better.  Those emails from the office Dwight Schrute don’t seem as annoying anymore.

In other words, you make the world a better, happier place.

I think we all know who’s getting this week’s Foxy Friday honor….

TA-DAH!

Click me to watch Sasquatch-esqe video clip

In 12 NHL playoff games, the Bruins power play has been abysmal.  Horrid.  Embarrassing.

2 for 41.

Seriously, it’s not funny. Chuck is not laughing.

After the Bruins dropped Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals on Saturday, I’m puzzled.  Perplexed.  Flummoxed.

What exactly is Coach Claude was working on in practice?

"Ya, see that net there? Whatever you do, DON'T go there. You hear me? Do not go to the net."

They had 8 days to work on this disastrous aspect of their game.  Surely, you’d think that they stop practicing that rush-in-the-offensive-zone-then-skid-to-a-stop-at-the-top-of-the-circle move that they love so well (I’m looking at you, Brad Marchand), and work on the power play.  By no means do I claim to be an expert in these things, but I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to score when you have an extra guy on the ice.  5 > 4.

Why are the Bruins just passing the puck back and forth on the power play?  Point-point-hash-point-hash-other hash-point.  Boring and ineffective.

How about getting some guys in front of the net? Plant Lucic and/or Chara in front of Roloson.  Try to see the puck with those beasts standing in front of you.  If he can’t see it, he can’t save it.  Very simple concept, no?

Put SeguinPenguin on the PP.  Please.  Just once.  Give it a shot, Claude.  Throw caution to the wind!  Be a wild and crazy guy.

If it works out, you’ll be hailed as a genius and babies all over Boston will be named in your honor.  If it doesn’t, well, you can chalk it up to trying to give your team the best chance of winning.

Hockey Baby Love.

Bruins were trotting out Recchi and Ryder out there, and while they’re obviously skilled, they ain’t spring chickens.  Seguin has an excitement, a youthful exuberance, a fluffy puppy mentality that could make him dangerous with the man advantage.  He so happy to be playing in the NHL Playoffs, he’ll do what ever you want.  He’s obvious has the skill to be playing at this level (see video below), so why not give him the chance to make a little magic?

Also, why do you sit him for 15 minutes after he scores a goal for you?  Get him out there!  Maybe he’ll score a few more for you.

Yes, I am a Seguinista, if you haven’t noticed.

Admit it. Now you are too.

On the other hand, maybe it is not all that simple as we all make it out to be.  I’m not a fly on the wall of the Bruins locker room or practice rink (but what I’d give if I could), so I don’t pretend to know what conversations Claude, Cam Neely, and Peter Chiarelli have had or the inner working of a NHL club.  But without Savard (*sniff*) and Bergeron, the Bruins are lacking and they need to do something about it stat.

If we don’t, you can kiss a shot at the shiny silver cup buh-bye.  Stammer, Squishy, Roli, Lecavalier, and Finnish Finisher, Sean Bergenheim will snatch it right up from under you.

Meow, bitches.

I have to admit it was pretty rough for me there for a while.

Last Saturday, there I was – curled up in the fetal position, buried under a mound of covers, empty box of coconut milk ice cream sandwiches by my bed.

My beloved Bruins had just dropped Game #2 (at HOME) to the hated Habs.  I was left a shell of my former self.  Defeated.  Dejected.  Despondent.

The Bruins kicked me square in the gut, knocking the wind right out of me. I felt like I did when I asked a boy to dance with me in junior high and he rejected me.  It could have been that because I was a foot taller than him.  That really sucked.

Welcome to my life, people.

Going into Game #3 last night, I was cautiously optimistic. This season, the Bruins have been a slightly better team on the road than they were at home and I had hope that they could go up to Montreal and “find themselves” like a college student on a gap year.

Coach Claude packed up the team and carted them off to practice in historic Lake Placid, NY – the home of the “Miracle on Ice” and to escape the media scrutiny in Boston and Montreal.

Do you believe in Miracles??

An interesting move, no doubt designed to inspire his team to hockey greatness and perhaps absorb some of the victory vibes in the Field House.

The Bruins came into the Bell Centre needed to win this game or be faced with almost certain elimination and the scorn of thousands of Bruins fans every so hopeful that this year could be the year.  40 years is a looooong time to wait…especially in a city that has seen so many championships lately from their other sports teams.

Well, they won.  (*sigh of relief*)  They pounced on Carey Price early and scored 3 goals.  The Habs came back in tenacious fashion to bring it within 1, but Timmy Thomas stepped up and was stellar in the 3rd period. (Click here to see game highlights!)

He turned away countless shots, make great saves and put himself back on the path of redemption after two terrible games in Boston.  Chara was also back after a bout with the flu and you could tell that the team had missed his imposing presence.

So that being said I’m feeling slightly better than I did last week…but still not 100%.

Think Zdeno will share his saltines and ginger ale with me?

Please, sir. May I have another? YES!

From NHL.com (Goalie matchup: Canadiens-Bruins)

Justin Goldman chooses Tim Thomas, Boston Bruins:Tim Thomas is a true goaltending enigma.

Everything he does is the complete opposite of what today’s elite butterfly goalie is taught to do. He is the world’s finest “read-and-react” goaltender and simply does whatever it takes to stop the puck. He’s a crowd-pleaser, a bold and animated man that wears his emotions on his sweat-soaked sleeves. His everlasting aggressiveness also reveals a fiery side that makes him the ultimate competitor.

When juxtaposed with Carey Price‘s technically sound style, I ask myself which goalie is more valuable in such a heated rivalry. Personally, I choose fire over ice. Give me the guy who has the ability to abandon technique when needed and put forth the sheer effort needed to make the timely save.

Here’s another advantage to Thomas’ style — his shorter legs. With a slightly wider stance, the speed at which he drops down into the butterfly and seals his knees and pads to the ice is slightly quicker than a goalie with longer legs.

Watch when he sets up for a shot. His legs will flare out just slightly so that his knees get closer to the ice. This allows him to drop down and pop back up even faster, which makes him that much more mobile and agile in the crease.

Thomas also enters the playoffs with plenty of swagger and confidence. He broke the modern-day save percentage record with a .938 mark and also notched a League-best 2.00 goals-against average. He accomplished these feats in just 57 games, so he’s also way more rested than Price, who played in a whopping 74 games.

As much as I love Price’s stellar fundamentals and youthful enthusiasm, I have to side with Thomas, the NHL’s true goalie berserker. He’s wild, crazy, and literally attacks pucks in a bloodthirsty manner.

And THAT, my friends, is why the Bruins can make a serious run at the Cup.

If you haven’t seen Thomas play, do yourself a favor.  Tune into Versus tonight.  He’ll totally make it worth your while.

I promise.

But apparently, my beloved Bruins won’t have to wait much longer thanks to the interweb…and apparently the SkyNet computers.  Or SkateNet, as I like to call it.

Be careful! It's self aware!

According to sports simulation website Whatifsports.com, the Killer B’s will win the cup with a thrilling, seven-game victory over the Sedin Wondertwins and the Vancouver Canucks.

Using current season rosters and stats, Whatifsports simulated the entire Stanley Cup Playoffs (1,001 times) and the Bruins came away lifting the cup 35.96% of the time. YAY!

What SkateNet predicted…

—> Bruins make it to the Finals by beating the Flyers in six games in the Eastern Conference finals
—> Canucks beat the Predators (!!) in seven in Western Conference Finals

Boston’s path to glory will be carved early, as the Bruins were the only team that ended up taking their first-round series in a four-game sweep. In fact, they won 96.3% of the time in their simulated series against the Canadiens, the highest of any matchup in all four rounds of the playoffs.

Take that, Les Habitantes!

As for the Canucks, they ain’t no slouches. They DID have a 117 point regular season (read: sick nasty crazy good).

Unforch, for them, SkateNet does not predict an easy road to victory.

Although they won their first round series against the Hawks 80.92% of the time, it took them average of six games to do so.

Patrick Kane and his mullet will not go down without a fight!!!

Playoff upsets predicted by SkateNet? You betcha!

Rangers knock off the Capitals!  Dawn weeps uncontrollably and curls up under her Alex Ovechkin snuggie.  Pants buys Mikey a puppy to ease the bitter sting of defeat.

Pet me.

SkateNet also predicts wins for 5th seed Nashville Predators over the Ducks (Hurray for Willy!), the Coyotes (!!!) over the geriatric-yet-really-really-talented Red Wings, the Penguins, and Jumbo Joe and the Sharkies.

Is SkateNet the next World Cup Octopus?  Sweet baby Jesus, I hope so.