Firing squad awaits the cannon

Thanks to the players who really came to play – not play like they do in competition every day, but the fun kind where the fans get to play along.  Specifically, thank you because:

You looked great.

You should see my shoes.

Really great.

No, they’re my shoes.

Like “This Foxy Friday will be used against you in a court of law” great.

18 and counting

You made new friends.

No one can resist the plaid jacket.

You saw old friends.

First rule of red carpets: Don’t arrive right after Seguin.

And trolled them.

“Hi Chuck.” “No – Hello Chuck.”

You talked a lot of trash.

No one at NHL had a real notebook.

You took a selfie.

Do you see something behind me?

You got drunk.

It was this guy.

You forgot your new friend’s name.

Also, I don’t know where Long Island is.

He forgave you. Mostly.

:: internal eye roll ::

You took more selfies.

Just add kids!

You didn’t win a car.

Because you didn’t pass the sobriety test.

Then you did win a car! But you weren’t the only one.

#RNHAllStarStud

Either way, you won our hearts.

Right in the ovaries.

Even if just for a moment.

My hatred is no match for this moment of perfection.

Even if you weren’t the MVP.

We would never get your name wrong.

Most of all you made us forget all the guys who weren’t there, from the Subban-type snubs to the Crosby-esque casualites. Maybe the weekend could have been even better… but we didn’t miss them.  So thanks for this weekend, and see you next year in Nashville.

Mr. Pants: “What are you so happy about?”

Obviously he doesn’t share my pain in missing a week of hockey and the ASG Draft, or as we prefer to think of it, The WUYS Bachelor Auction.  I’m sure it was great.  And I saw they put Letang in the front row because even he can only get away with tripping once.

The Elimination Shootout started as we reached cruising altitude.  Stamkos stepped up… and the pilot came on the PA talking about miles programs and tail winds and how, if you looked out the right side, you could see a chicken in Mississippi riding a bicycle.  He talked the ENTIRE TIME!   We almost had an incident with Homeland Security.  Plus the seatbelt sign was on forever and I really had to pee.

During the post-win interview, I lost it and said, “Stop touching him, Pierre!” really loud.  Unless Pierre has scissors, though it doesn’t look like he’d know how to cut hair.

Hands off the merchandise, Troll.

Also, it’s not easy to watch Nealmobile do Accuracy Shooting when it’s illegal for me to scream, run around or throw things.  As I watch back through the coverage, the ASG never fails to be a highlight of the season.  It brainwashes me into a maniac who thinks things like:

Red heads in pink shirts?  Sure, why not!  Too bad no one could straighten it out before shooting.  Unless Giroux’s going to tear it off, it shouldn’t be stretched like that.  My inner publicist cringes.  (Note: That plaid jacket still needs to go. Along with Neal’s. Were they on sale in Ontario at some point?)

Carey Price is funny.  And charming.  I didn’t think this could get worse.

Scott Hartnell + the Sedins = my nightmare.  Except it’s fantastic.

And some things’s don’t surprise.  Henrik Lundqvist puts everyone to shame, in every category.

If you didn’t think Patrick Kane would steal the show then you must be new around here.

My tights are underneath.

As always, the awkward prom photos.  Everyone is cringing about talking to fathers and having to

See you at the prom party, Segs.

Logan can pick us up in his new car.

 What did you guys think?  No Crosby, Toews, Green, Backstrom, zero Staals.  Still everything you hoped for?  And share your favorite bits, because I probably missed them!

Another thing I’ve missed up until now is the NHL All-Star Game voting.

I restricted my choices to people currently playing.  Obviously I believe Crosby should be in – he was more of an all-star in his few games this year than most people are in a whole season.  But if he’s well, he’ll get in.  (See the leaderboard here.)   I deliberately sent my votes where they can count.

1) Nicklas Backstrom – If Ovi gets in and Nicky doesn’t, someone will receive a strongly worded letter written in cut-out magazine letters.

2) Jonathan Toews – scored his 300th career point last night, overall superstar and BAMF.  You don’t see a lake named after anyone else.

3) James Neal – needs no explanation. HONK!

4) Duncan Keith – Did you see him rob Matt Cullen on a shorthanded breakaway last night?  Norris Trophy, what?

5) Shea Weber – 100+ MPH shot, massive blocking body, all-star playoff beard, friends with Dierks Bentley.  Scored from the cheap seats (and we mean in the net!).  Haven’t seen it?  Puck Daddy has it, they always do [link].

6) Marc-Andre Fleury – Forever holding it down in the back, never knowing who might be available to stand in front of him every night.  And for the off chance he’ll spin like a ballerina or sass Carey Price.

You can vote up to 30 times at vote.nhl.com.  I’ll let you guys win the trip to Ottawa, because I’ll be on my honeymoon until that Saturday. I’m missing the draft and  skills competitions in real-time, so Chuck will have to man the Twitter and express all of my squee-tastic opinions.

I Googled this photo, which led me to another WUYS post. Of course.

OK, I will confess to being a bit of a Classical Music nerd having sat through Wagner’s Ring Cycle – and no, that is not a horror movie trilogy. I was watching Dancing with the Stars so I could watch Maks drop Kristie Alley again like a shot putter over loaded at the Olympics! But instead, Mr. Cherrie found me talking to the TV at this Hottie for Classical Music theme night. I just rolled my eyes and told Mr. Cherrie I could see through the window dressing and that his guy was GOOD – no GREAT! He can play “The Flight of Bumble Bee” in 66 seconds – a world record!

And then I thought, “Hey – we had a blow out last year about  – he who I won’t name for fear of being flash mobbed by his fans again – WHY NOT start early and suggest David Garrett? International yet Half-American! Young, hip and HOT! I think this would work! Hockey fans might actually appreciate this guy who would bring some flash and totally rock BOTH anthems “O Canada” and “The Star Spangle Banner” – ala Jimi Hendrix Style and bring some much needed Pazzaz to the game. Oh say can you see … Oh hell yes! I say!

I know it’s the play-offs and why am I going on about the All-Star game? BECAUSE … that’s how my brain works sisters. You should all know that by now! And BTW – you should totally down load ROCK SYMPHONIES on iTunes like, NOW because you will LOVE IT!

And what better way to showcase them, than with the always fun Super Skills Competition.

So here are the results…

• Faster Skater – Michael Grabner (14.238 seconds)
• Breakaway – Alexander Ovechkin (38.5% of the fan votes).
• Accuracy – Daniel Sedin (4 for 4 in 7.3 seconds)
• Skills Challenge Relay – Team Lidstrom (2:09)
• Hardest Shot – Zdeno Chara, 105.9mph (4th consecutive win AND he beat his own record)
• Elimination Shoot-Out – Corey Perry

and some of our favorite moments…

• PK Subban stealing Jeff Skinner’s jersey

Oh look Jeff Skinner...heeeeeyyyyyyy wait a second...

• Jeff Skinner. The Justin Bieber of the NHL.  I wish he could be my prom date.

Definitely out WAY past his curfew

• Timmy Thomas vs. Cam Ward in the Fastest Skater.  In full equipment.
• Timmy’s wipe out behind the net. But he got right back up with the ever-present smile on his face.

• Toews’ Accuracy Mulligan and *derp* face through the whole competition

• Marc-Andre Fleury. The jumping jacks.  Stacking the pads on Ovechkin. The dancing.  Everything.  We love him.  As far as we are concerned, he won the entire Skills Competition.

and 1...and 2...and 3

• Finding out that Anze Kopitar speaks English.  And has no accent.
• Those wee tiny nets in the Skills Relay.  sotiny

What are those? Hockey nets for ANTS?

• The new-found love between Alex Ovechkin and Kris “Look at My Hair” Letang

Love is in the air...

• Zdeno Chara‘s slap shot.  Faster than a speeding bullet.

If I saw this, I would curl up into the fetal position and cry for my mother.

• Last but not least – Patrick Sharp, ASG 2011 MVP.

Looking better than any hockey player has a right to