He's kidding. Isn't he?

Mike makes $5.25 million/year before he even suits up with the GEICO Caveman. Just because you’re bringing in the bank is no reason to spend it all in one place. Like the Mohawk Parlor. Not our Mike – he’s got too many other brilliant ideas. Mike did an episode of MTV Cribs (A. Who knew that was still on? B. Have they run out of rappers?) and revealed way more than your typical fan/blogger/stalker should really know.

And so I bring you a future WUYS favorite series:

Mike Green Paid For This
Episode One: The Bathroom

Photos of Mike’s bathroom are a tribute to the power of the internet. We should not be privvy to where he flosses his teeth. Unless it looks like this:

I'll have the beef & broccoli, please.

You may need to adjust the angle of your monitor to take in the magnitude of patterned, wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling reflection. It’s the bathroom at the Double Rainbow Chinese Restaurant after a fire sale at the tin foil factory. The best part is: there’s a mirror. In a frame. Attached to a wall of mirrors.

Try not to think of the bathroom’s intended purpose. Mike is very pretty, perhaps he just admires himself endlessly – Mike looking in the mirror looking at Mike looking in the mirror looking at… until it’s time for practice. He could use the guest bathroom for everything else – it’s much more, um, functional.

Other bathroom - BORING.

Mike spends his money like he used to be fat (he was) and kinda awkward (also true). Not anymore (debatable). Next time, we’ll see how Mike picks up chicks.

This ice is not reflective.