Don’t hold your breath.

Dallas Eakins got fired

Most bosses should be so lucky as to tread water for ages while their ship breaks in half and sinks beneath them like the Titanic.  The Oilers are in a special place we refer to as DFL – dead effing last.  They have 7 wins in 31 games for a total of 19 points.  (Intern Jeff Skinner just threw his juice box at me, because the Canes are in the same boat – literally.  At the bottom of the ocean.)

Well, shit.

This would be post-worthy if only for the excuse to search “David Tennant sad” on Google Images.

Kidding. He probably wanted to go.

Who will coach the puppies?  Perhaps Craig McTavish for a bit.  The man played his entire career with no helmet, so that’s apt.  If that doesn’t work, I’m always available. I’ve been training my puppy Blue and am happy to report 12 potty accident-free days!  He’s also mastered getting on the couch by himself and eating an entire cardboard box.  Free intermission entertainment.

Whaaaaaaaaaa?

Crosby got the mumps

What’s most surprising is not that the mumps still circulate after the vaccine was introduced in 1967.  Apparently even with a booster, that vaccine is only 88% effective (not 87%), so this isn’t an old-timey thing or bad karma from anti-vaxxers.  It could happen to you.  No, the surprising thing is that it happened to Sid.  It mostly spreads through saliva, and so I thought, “STOP KISSING COREY PERRY!” (I’m kidding.  Shudder.)  As someone who got mono in high school from kissing precisely no one, I assure you this isn’t funny.

Really, I’m fine. Giggity.

The Penguins took some serious optimism supplements to let Crosby practice and do interviews looking as he did Friday. He was set to play in the weekend’s back-to-back games for a minute there.  He could have scored 10 goals because the other team refused to come near him.  They could have played “My Humps” as his goal song. (Sorry, but every time someone says “mumps,” I think it.)

Don’t be creepy.

Then I read this Puck Daddy post on mumps and how gross the on-ice game of hockey is, aside from practices and sharing meals and being locked inside a pressurized petri dish flying from city to city.  Now I’m swabbing my entire office with Clorox wipes while wearing a surgical mask leftover from a 28 Days Later promotion.

Beau Bennett has also been tested for mumps. If Sid’ got it and Beau’s got it, you know Borts is either next or immune like Hagrid is to stunning spells because he’s got giant’s blood.

Slava Voynov went to court

The Kings’ Slava Voynov has a very serious domestic violence charge against him, and the details of the alleged attack revealed in today’s preliminary hearing are awful [link].  He has plead not guilty and his wife requested he not be charged [link].  Voynov is on indefinite suspension from the NHL, including team activities – like practices, the violation of which cost the Kings $100k [link].

Tomas Vokoun retired

According the a report cited at NHL.com, Vokoun has decided to retire.  He was sidelined two seasons ago as a member of the Penguins with blood clots in his pelvis.  He also played for the Habs, Preds, Panthers and Caps, and always kind of reminded me of Jude Law.

Winner of 300 NHL games

EDIT: Just as I thought there was nothing upbeat to post, it’s Tyler Seguin to the rescue.  In tights and with mistletoe hanging above his head, of course, so I don’t even need to make a joke about sitting on someone’s lap.

All I Want for Christmas is you, and you. And maybe even that other guy.

Day 10 is a success.

We all know that I hate the Rangers, but I am surprised to admit that I don’t hate them enough to hope they lose this series.  It could be because I do not care about the Kings at all.  Perhaps it’s residual emotional instability from being so dedicated to my own hockey team all year – when they are out, it’s like I’m freeeeeeeeeeeeeee for the summer.  If other people want to voluntarily stay in school, rock on.

So, who to root for in the 2014 Stanley Cup Final?  My answer is no one.  A great many of my friends are Rangers fans – and a few people I’ve known for 19 years who’ve never said jack about hockey suddenly became Rangers fans in the past week.  They must’ve just missed out on 1994.  There will be no scrolling through the Facebook timeline for me, but I wish those die-hard Rangers fans luck.  (For your own good, not your team’s, and really we need to talk about your life choices.)

On the Kings side, we also have a few resident fans.  Best of luck to you, too.  It’s possible my Rangersrage will surface and I’ll be cheering LA to victory – but they won’t succeed, not if I’m on board.   You’re better off if I stay out here sunbathing in the yard.

I may watch a game to two, and I’ll almost definitely probably watch the Cup be awarded because it’s not the Cup’s fault I find this Final boring as crap.  This will be the year I don’t cry though.  Go on and try me.

Are you guys in or out on this Final?  Freedom or four more wins required?  We should get some of you to write about it, because unless Chuck is watching Rick Nash, it’s time to break into all the posting material we save for summer.

Winning makes me cuter.

I like the Hawks a lot, and they bailed me out of some frustrated west coast years when I couldn’t watch Eastern Conference teams.  But it’s not the same, cheering for someone you like when someone you love is out of the running.

Glorious, I’m sure.

That said, I do enjoy watching hockey when it isn’t trying to kill me.  Yesterday I took three (3!) separate cat naps during the Hawks/Kings game and I still didn’t miss a single goal.  This may be my superpower.  Or my dream life, where I am a princess who gets to watch hockey all day without performing peasant tasks like standing up or walking around.  That’s so basic.

Perhaps I could get a butler – anyone know a few unemployed guys?

Could you repeat the job description?

[Insert creeper photo of Crosby sleeping on a plane yesterday that I can’t bring myself to post, but I certainly will point at –> HERE.  I hope he made it to Nova Scotia in time to see @alisonsykora.  Also note, I was not the only one sleeping during the game.]

The Blackhawks won 3-1.  Jonathan Toews is a marvel of modern leadership and ability.  I get so in awe of him that I picture Crosby climbing the telephone pole outside to cut my cable wires.  After his nap.

Hossa and Saad each had two points.  It certainly wasn’t a one-sided game though: the Kings outshot the Hawks and 6 of their 26 came from Jeff Carter.  It’s shaping up to be a great series and better rematch of last year’s WCF, which Chicago took 4-1.  After all, this time they’re playing for pizza.

Full funny Twitter exchange here.

Meanwhile, Saturday on the east coast, the Rangers beat the Habs 7-2.  Rick Nash finally scored (NYR goal #7, totally clutch).  The Rangers’ power play that went o-for-350 in the first two rounds (okay, 0-for-32-ish) had three PPG.  I don’t know how this happened and I don’t care, but I hope it never happens again.  Chuck enjoyed herself though.  Game two is tomorrow night – I will try to stay awake.

NHL.com has 236 photos of this game.  I’d rather watch 236 hours of the surgery channel.  Luckily in photo #1, this woman’s face:

Put on your war paint.

In non-hockey related news, the Rangers and some of the Tampa Bay Lightning attended Martin St. Louis’ mother’s funeral yesterday [link].  Such a sad story, it’s heartening to see so much support from his friends and teammates.  Not the photogs though, the idea of paparazzi at a funeral is gross.

Rick Nash’s “no” face.

Fleury throws another shutout, Pens lead Rangers 2-1

MAF had his second shutout in as many days, standing on his head at times to keep the NYR off the board in Game 3.  Not bad for a goalie who has playoff confidence problems, right?

Prancercize

In case you tuned in late to the game and heard 47:26 of dead air, that’s because CROSBY SCORED (!!!!)  in the first period and the commentators had nothing else to talk about.

Talking.  Who needs talking when you have… goals.  I was going to say goals.

High score

Sid’s goal was set up by a long, beautiful pass from Robert Bortuzzo.  This advertisement paid for by @alisonsykora.

Hoodie by lululemon

The Rangers have played a ton of hockey in the past two weeks, so today gap gives them much needed rest.  Personally, I hope there is construction in all of their luxury condo buildings until Game 4 on Wednesday night.  I made a lot of this delicious chicken mushroom farro risotto, if you want to come over.

Here’s Sid post-game on PensTV, and post-game with Pierre leaning in on NBC Sports.  Can’t blame the guy, honestly.

This hair. I love playoffs.

Kings win again, go up 2-0 over Ducks

So far this series can be summed up with one headline from LATimes.com:

Understated elegance

Marian Gaborik scored 34 seconds into last night’s game.  The NBC announcers were barely in their seats before the puck was in the net.  After his last-minute tying goal in Game 1, then the OT winner, Gaborik sure is “fitting in” – so well I bet he got randomly drug tested during first intermission (probably by someone from the Blue Jackets).  He is on fire, and so are the Kings.  This is their sixth straight win.  Jonathan Quick is playing like he did in their Cup run.  Hell, they had Jeff Schultz on D last night and they still won!

Marian Gaborik vs. The World

Down 2-0 in a series is not really “must win.”  If anyone proved that, it was the Kings in R1.  But the Ducks are reeling.  History may be destined to repeat itself but if Anaheim doesn’t win in GM3, I don’t think another legendary 0-3 comeback is happening so soon.

Look out behind you.

Tonight it’s Bruins vs. Habs in the battle for a 2-1 series lead, followed by the Hawks quest to go up 3-0 over the Wild.  Are you surviving?  How is anyone getting any sleep?  Who washed my Toews shirt on hot so it shrank into a size only James Neal would wear?  I think I need a break.  Even Pierre is off tonight – 20 games in 20 nights?  Big deal.  We’ve watched at least 40.

Penguins and Rangers series tied 1-1

The Pens had a shaky first period Friday night and got themselves down 2-0 like they think every game needs to be crazy a la Round 1.  No thank you – because it doesn’t always work.  The Rangers won in OT.  Just as well I was on a Twitter ban and only talking to Alison.

Sad Brad scored on his birthday. I hope his ice cream cake melted.

Last night, I was at a dinner and trying not to check the score.  Go home and watch the whole game, right?  Ha!  Zero will power.  I did pass my phone around the table for independent verification of the score, then had more celebratory sangria.  I watched the game afterward – fast-forwarding through Pens’ penalties, which was pretty much the entire first period.  Nisky for roughing – in hindsight, I can love that.

Incoming Geno hug

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: Still no goals for Crosby or Nash.  (See what I did there? I almost hope you don’t, it’s so bad.)  At this rate, they’ll find that missing plane before one of these guys scores.

Want to see my Art Ross Trophy?

Blackhawks lead Wild in series 2-0

Friday night’s game was tied 2-2 until Patrick Kane decided it was time for this goal:

If this blog had audio, I’d whistle.  That’s so good it’s worth another goal, which Kaner scored 8+ minutes later to put the Hawks up 4-2 and shut the door (won 5-2 on an EN).  Sunday afternoon, playoff hero Bryan Bickell extended his point streak to five games with 1G and 2A.  Remember how many points he had last year?  17 (9G, 9A) in 23 games.  He’s got eight points in eight games so far this post-season.

Must. Have. Points.

Patrick Sharp didn’t have any points in the game (he had 1A on Friday), but he wore these shorts and we think that counts for something.

Somewhere Toews can’t find his shorts.

Bruins and Canadiens tied 1-1

After PK Subban’s double-OT winner last week, the Habs were up one game to none.

BeardWatch

Remember Boston lost the first game of the last series too, then adjusted and won four straight.  They got back on that track with a come-from-behind 5-3 victory Saturday, which I watched from the elliptical runner at the gym.  I can go a lot of miles fueled by my dislike for Brad Marchand.  That said, four unanswered goals in the third period (one EN) made the B’s look more dominant that the scoreboard showed.

“Ha, little man.”

Kings take first game, lead Ducks 1-0

I wish this series could be weekends-only, so I could stay up for every game.  It was worth the late night Saturday – I caught just the 3rd and OT – to see Marion Gaborik tie the game with seven seconds left.

God, that is SO exciting when it’s a) your team or b) you don’t care who wins!  Gaborik scored again in OT.  I still have the Ducks taking this series, but the Kings are going to make me look stupid every time I don’t pick them.

Five in a row, and counting.

Tonight the Penguins and Rangers are back at it, this time in NYC, and I will be glued to the TV and (trying to stay) signed out of Twitter.   Late night it’s Game 2 of Kings vs. Ducks.  It promises to be really exciting and also excellent for your productivity at work tomorrow.

Must… watch… hockey…

We bid Round 1 farewell with this announcement: I am no longer 100% right. Thanks for nothing, Avs and Sharks!

Current predictions score: Pants – 6 of 8, Chuck – 4 of 8

Rangers do one thing for me, beat Flyers in series: 4-3

When the Flyers are knocked out of the playoffs, regardless of year, other teams or life in general, I have a moment of bliss.

Bubbz always.

The Rangers came out strong in GM7, then got back on their heels while the Flyers surged late.  Sound like any other hockey teams I know?!  King Henrik was the difference maker yet again.  New York will get one day of rest and of my gratitude, then it’s back to work and hating them Friday night in Pittsburgh.

Admiring his own face on the Jumbotron.

In other breaking news: Rick Nash has no playoff goals. This is apparently the only Rangers storyline available so tell your friends. It will be broadcast continually on sister station Radio Crosby.

For the record, I do hate the Rangers more than the Flyers.

God, that is a thin line.

But I’d rather the Pens play the Rangers in R2. The Flyers bring out the Pens’ most infuriating problem – composure – while playing Pittsburgh seems to ignite Philly’s tenacity.  The Rangers are no easier opponent but at least it will (hopefully) be the Penguins playing, not Hurricane Neal and the Tantrums. Watch me hate this decision later.

Tomorrow, tomorrow.

There’s only one reason for us to miss the Flyers in May.  Give it a moment, then move on.

Maybe he’ll grow a summer beard.

Wild take it to OT, take series from Avs: 4-3

Game 7 overtime?  Someone hold my hair back.  The Wild got there with a goal at the 17:33 mark of the third, and it only took 5 minutes of OT to put the Avs away.   Nino Niederreiter, who sounds like an imaginary friend at a tea party, had two goals including the OT winner.  Listen to the clang off the backbar.

Yowza.  This is the first time the Wild have gotten past R1 in 10 years.  The Wild have this headline and I confess I laughed (just once):

I hear a rimshot.

We’ll miss the Avs kids who were having a blast out there, but MacKinnon, Gabe and the boys have many years of playoff hockey ahead of them.  Gabe’s beard though… bummer.

Sad first, then shower and selfie.

Kings win 4 in a row, collapse Sharks series: 4-3

Sharks gonna shark.  There are so many bad jokes – Sharks get bitten! – but the worst of all is San Jose’s record of playoff choking.  That said, we should have all picked the Kings because they know how to win 4 in a row (and then some) in pursuit of post-season glory.  Plus their bandwagon fans are famous and sparkly, and the NHL could use a few entertainment column inches.

So long and thanks for all the fish.

You should hug Sharks fans today – that was eviscerating. Sweep? Sucks. Reverse sweep?

Come back with carbs.

Round 2 starts tonight, with the Bruins and Canadiens (and Chuck) asking everyone else what took so long.  Typical dates, we’re never ready when they come to pick us up!  This series is going to be like the holidays with family – everyone knows each other, hates each other and every old crime comes out in a stress-spolsion.

Save us a good seat, okay?

Elevator to Chuck’s party.

Penguins take years off my life, defeat Blue Jackets in series: 4-2

What are we supposed to do?  NOT hope for leads because they get snatched away? NEVER want a power play for fear of giving up a shorty?  I don’t know which end is up except the Penguins won so hallelujah.  Columbus played their pants off and boy, were they having fun right up till that final buzzer sounded.

Can we still come to your All-Star Game?

I will say nice things about them in the off-season.  You guys can say them now. They’ll all be true and I won’t read them because I am busy going to Round 2.  The Pens found some dominance in Games 5 and 6 – even if they didn’t hold it for 60 minutes, it felt good to know it’s still there.

I AM SCORE THREE TIMES.

Besides CBJ, the off-season isn’t so bad.  Ask the Stars:

Source: Instagram, Instagram

Is there an Instagram filter called “Leg Hair” used on Seguin?  Also, is it weird the thing I’m most envious about in these photos are that it’s warm enough to wear shorts?  This winter has ruined me.  I digress.

Back to business: In case you missed it, Sidney Crosby has no goals. Maybe you didn’t hear last night’s commentators repeating it like a rosary or you failed to see the hilltop bonfires lit to spread the news from town to town.  It’s like the scene in 101 Dalmatians where every dog in London barks at the same time.

Yes, Captain.

The only real question is: how many goal-less playoff games until Superstitious Sid tosses the yellow Crocs?  (Answer: Never. They are hideously fun, so be glad for them. He could have gotten black ones.)

Silly, his black Crocs are for formal occasions only.

Brooks Orpik, it takes a man to stand front and center in pink-on-pink businesswear. Or, since it’s probably designer, salmon-on-salmon.  Elle Woods Approved.  Taylor Pyatt’s back there looking perfectly pastel acceptable in lavender and it’s no mistake Megna’s standing up front in that outfit. Just a mistake to stand next to Borts, the handsomest Penguin you’ve never heard of.

Only one beautifully bracketed addition today.  Everybody else is headed for a one-game cage match.  We’re going to need beer and bandages.

Day 14

Wild: 5; Avalanche: 2 [Series tied 3-3]

The Wild and Avalanche (two of the three NHL teams whose names are not plural) were locked at 2 goals a piece for nearly 30 breathless minutes.  Finally, with his second goal of the night and powered by chocolate milk, Zach Parise scored the goal Minnesota paid him $98 million over 13 years to score.  Well not the only goal, but you’ve got to get the first one first.  Add in two Wild ENs because Patrick Roy loves to pull goalies early and Minny forces this series back to Denver for Game 7.  My money is still on the Avs, but it’s not $98 million worth.

Kings: 4; Sharks: 1 [Series tied 3-3]

Three in a row – done. Why not four? The Kings scored three goals in 2:46 to break this game open and fuel what could be an historic comeback in playoff hockey.

Only three NHL teams have ever pulled off a four-straight resurrection [great stats on 0-3 comebacks].  Usually fans of the trailing team start fantasizing about this at the end of Game 3.  The last time I was still talking about it after Game 6?  Red Sox/Yankees, 2004 ALCS.  Chuck and I know it can be done.  The Kings clearly do too.  But the Sharks?  They’ll need to reset their heads and play like they were, not like they are.

Ask for Thursday off now, Wednesday is going to be a late one.

Who needs sleep? Well you’re never gonna get it.

Tonight now means more to me than ever.

Rangers at Flyers – Game 6.  You know what I’m going to do? Root for the Rangers.  Though I’d be fine with PHI taking this to seven and then losing, it’s a little too close.  I would rather Pens/NYR in Round 2. Pittsburgh showed composure in R1 through plenty of tough situations, so I have faith they can hold it.  Just something about the Flyers brings out the worst in me them… but GAH I kind of want to play the Flyers, I ADMIT IT!  BLOOD AND FIRE!

Someone should check on me later.

The networks have all kinds of on-hiatus hockey players pitching in as commentators during these playoffs.  Let us make the offer official: Alex Pietrangelo, you and your currently unemployed hair are welcome here anytime.

This look will be missed.

I think we could even use a pool man now that the Stars are available.  We don’t have a pool, but…

Leave Hartnell and the socks at home.

Ducks eliminate Stars: 3-2

This one hurt.  We were all falling a little in love with Dallas, or at least their Twitter account.  Let’s hope that doesn’t get a summer vacation.

Like so many game in this post-season, the Stars had this one and they blew it.  The Ducks scored two goals in the last 2:10 to tie the game, then won it shortly into overtime.  It’s all summed by this beard and the scoreboard which I’ve helpfully left visible for anyone who likes to wallow in misery.

99% beard, 1% brows

It’s hard for me to understand the rage Corey Perry causes people without watching him in a long series against a single team.  Now I really get why he’s good at it and why other fans hate him.  Round 2 will be an in-state series vs. the Kings or Sharks.

We’ll never be far from an In-N-Out Burger!

Blackhawks eliminate Blues: 4-2

Sorry Blues.  (I’m not, not at all.)  After being up 2-0 in the series, they dropped four in a row to the defending Champs and are on their way to summer.  Here’s what you need to know about Chicago going into Round 2.  Patrick Kane can score in OT [video].  Jonathan Toews can score in OT on a breakaway:

gif by @cjzero

And Patrick Sharp can score on a breakaway while someone puts their stick blade in his perfect face:

gif by sportsblogging.tumblr.com

Bruins eliminate Red Wings: 4-1

Oh happy Chuck.  How nice it must be to root for a team withs so few weaknesses and also the ability to fix them.  In Game 1, the Bruins played with all the speed of Red Sox’s David Ortiz.  (Non-baseball fans, this is sarcasm.  The man cannot run.)  Starting in Game 2, they went faster… and it worked.  They will face the Canadiens for the 257th time in NHL playoff history.  Everyone hates each other, prepare to die.

Video: Bergy has some sleepy-voiced things to say.

Thus the bracket has been bracketed three more times.  For the record, so far I’ve been right 100% of the time.  Chuck is currently at 75% since she didn’t pick the Canadiens.  She would never pick those jerks.

For those of us with teams still battling to the pain:

Rangers lead Flyers: 3-2

The Flyers figured how to win once at MSG and they’ll need to do it again to survive this series.  But first, they have to win Tuesday night at home.  They held the NYR to only 22 shots Sunday, but the Rangers capitalized on what few chances their persistence and speed (and Flyer mistakes) could generate.

While I want both teams gone, is there anyway they could just leave the beard?

Sunday post-game interview: Gingertime Sadness

Penguins take series lead over Blue Jackets: 3-2

I ditched a bachelorette party mid-bar crawl to catch the end of this.  Of course I refused to leave even after Letang’s EN goal just in case.  Kunitz had 1G, 1A plus 7 SOG and 6 hits.  Throw that body around, Sock Monkey!  Fleury bounced back (See? SEEEEEE???) stopping 23 of 24, while the Pengins had a whopping 50 shots.  Game 6 Monday night, I’ll be on the floor of my living room in a fort made of pizza boxes.

Dog days are over?

Kings stay alive again, still trail Sharks: 3-2

Well what do you know, the Kings have staved off elimination twice now.  The first four games of the series averaged 7.75 goals per game.  Jonathan Quick gave up 16G in that stretch, but found his mojo Saturday and the Kings won 3-0 in an orderly fashion.  Can they do it again Monday night or will the Kings leave LA’s perpetual summer for regular old summer somewhere else?

Pelvic thrust.

Avalanche take lead over Wild, Errrrrrybody Mad: 3-2

Remember me raging about the disallowed Tampa Bay goal back a ways?  Well the Wild had plenty to say about this oh-so-close, offsides-or-on moment with less than 1:30 to go in Game 5.  There was no call on the play, so of course the Avs scored and forced overtime.

Image by @johncanref

Offside say the Wild media | Inconclusive say the Avs media

If the Wild had won, we wouldn’t still be talking about this.  Too bad the Avs have TriWizard Tournament hopeful Nathan MacKinnon with his 2nd goal (and League-leading 10th point) of the playoffs.

Monday night Colorado will have the chance to reach Round 2 for the first time in 6 years.  Guess who else they’ll very likely have?

Hey girl.

Duchene’s go/no-go will be announced after the morning skate.  We say go.

What this all means is that three more bracket spots could be locked Monday night, or any of three series could need a Game 7.  I could need blood pressure medication.  Just another day in the playoffs.  Stay ready.

Canadiens: 4; Lightning: 3 [Habs win series 4-0]

It looked like OT until Max Pacioretty, who I still have trouble remembering is American, scored his first ever playoff goal with 43 seconds left in the third.

And the crowd goes wild.  Literally.  I don’t care for/about the Habs but a moment like that melts my heart.  Much has been made of the Habs being the only Canadian team in the post-season, and they haven’t advanced past the first round since 2010. They become 2014’s first playoff bracket move:

Farewell to the Bolts, whose beards we will not get to enjoy.  We’ll give Stamkos a week to mope then we expect daily Gary Roberts workout videos.

You’re welcome.

So Lightning fans, who will you root for now?

Bruins: 3; Detroit: 0 [Bruins lead series 2-1]

The Canadiens will await the winner of this series, which is getting fiesty slimy.  In the grand Detroit tradition of throwing octopi on the ice, a fan tossed one during the anthem.  Chances are it wasn’t Justin Verlander because it came up short, sliding gently into Tuukka Rask’s skate like it was afraid of becoming sushi.  Tuukka gave it a well-deserved look of disgust and proceeded to beat the Red Wings in reply.

Gif by Twitter/@PeteBlackburn

Brad Marchand barely dodged a potentially terrible knee-on-knee hit from Brendan Smith – then went down and grabbed the wrong leg.  I have to mention it, you know that about me.  Video/Gif/weaksauce explanation at CBS Sports.  Better examination on Days of Y’Orr, including a Marchand gif that makes me want to stab myself in the face.

Rangers: 4; Flyers: 1 [NYR lead series 2-1]

This game can be summed up in two images:

I’m still rooting for everyone to lose but even I had a little bit of fun at the end there.

Sharks: 4; Kings: 3 [Sharks lead series 3-0]

It took OT and by far the Kings’ best result in this series, but in the end it was still the Sharks and their weird beard dreams taking a chokehold lead on this series.  BU’s Matt Nieto scored his first playoff goal last night – yay for days!  The Kings will try to stay alive Thursday night.

HNIC Bio: Matt Nieto

Read this adorable Hertl/Nieto rookie BFF story from the SJ Mercury News.  They better have those Minions in the locker room.

For tonight…

Pens and Blue Jackets are up first thing evening, as if anyone has recovered from Saturday night.  The Stars and Ducks are on early (8PM ET), so you can see Jamie Benn’s face/Jordie Benn’s beard and if they’re able to even that series.  The Blackhawks will try to take two of two at home from St. Louis in the not-quite-so late game (9:30 PM ET).

These little recaps are really helping make sure I have at least looked at every playoff game.  That said, they are 3-minute looks.  If I miss something good, let me know!  I can’t be everywhere and Mr. Pants is already really tired of the playoffs.

Blues:4, Blackhawks: 3

Look,  overtime is one thing.  Triple overtime is two more things but is there anything more annoying than waiting 17 minutes of intermission in the middle of the  damned night just for someone to win it 30 seconds into the next extra frame?

Aside from being the team that loses that way, I mean.

Coach Q, how do you feel about this game?

I can’t stop laughing.  I hope Joey, the Junior Reporter didn’t see that!

Avalanche: 5, Wild: 4

Since all the cool kids who won the Cup last year were going to OT, the Paul Stastny of the Avs thought that sounded brilliant.  He tied it with 14 seconds left [video].  GAH, that is what Playoffs are about!  Paul enjoyed that so much, he did it again.

Look at Nathan MacKinnon with the hugJUMPhugJUMPhugJUMP.  19 year old puppy.

Rangers; 4, Flyers: 1

I hate everyone but wow, Giroux’s beard is already amazing.  It was the only positive thing about this game for the Flyers, who gave up goals 2 and 3 in 47 seconds while I was brushing my teeth.  If they Flyers could do that every time I left the room, I’d stay out my whole life.

G’s beard looks even more orange because Jakub Voracek and Scott Hartnell have dyed their beards black for the playoffs.  I’m torn between saying, “Well they can’t look worse.” and “That was cool when Mike Green did it.”  Photos by the only officially Flyers-related person we like: @sbaickerCSN.

Just to be fair:  The Rangers changed their homepage to look like Tumblr and I hate that too.  Sad Brad Richards had three points and I bet he went home and laughed while making 6 AM tee times under the name “Tortorella” at every golf course within 50 miles of wherever Torts lives.

Sharks: 6, Kings: 3

This game was “mostly dead” in the first with the Sharks up 3-0.  In the second, they scored 2 more.  But to start the third period, the Kings came out and got 3 goals.  I don’t know if it felt like they could really climb the entire hill (thoughts? I was asleep.) but that has got to help their confidence in an otherwise brutal loss.

Tomas Hertl had one of the Sharks’ goals – looks like those water aerobics he used to recover from injury really paid off.

The Bruins kick things off against the Red Wings tonight (finally!), while the Habs/Bolts and Ducks/Stars will go again.  Ryan Getzlaf expected to be in the lineup with his new Frankenface.

Enjoy!  I hope all of your teams lose!

It’s Conference Final time, and every hockey fan knows it’s often a new guy, a third-liner or someone breaking out of a slump at just the right moment who becomes a playoff hero.

Each of the four teams left owe a great measure of success to such a player. We salute these remaining heroes – and their beards – for what they’ve achieved so far, and for helping their teams’ dreams of bearded glory live on.

Read the rest of our post on Puck Daddy.

If your team won a Stanley Cup in the last four years, remain in your seat to ride the roller coaster again.  If not, you probably hate this.  It’s like playing original Monopoly, before they swapped the iron for a cat, and thinking, “Oh great, the old shoe won again.”  (Seriously, how is a thimble more relevant than an iron?)

Lucky for us, we are old shoes.

Chuck and I will be suspending all direct interaction during the Bruins/Penguins series and communicating only via passive aggressive Tweets and blogs.

Perhaps we’ll let Intern Jeff Skinner man a scoreboard and tally how many times we don’t say what we want to say because we know we can’t unsay it, even when the series ends with the inevitable Penguins win.  (INTERN EDIT: Stop it, Pants.  Behave yourself.)

Fine, Principal Skinner.

Last night’s Hawks OT win guaranteed that a great many of our Western Conference friends will be just as verklempt during Round 3.  That means “choked with emotion,” or perhaps more specifically from the German verklemmt – “emotionally inhibited in a convulsive way” [urbandictionary].

I think it’s fair to anticipate convulsions, no?

Personally, I’m thrilled to have something to care about in the West.  I haven’t seen enough of Kaner’s tufty beard-and-receding hairline mullet combo.  Plus the Kings ensure that we won’t run out of #BreadWatch2013 topics to discuss.

(Ha! #BreadWatch – Typo of the Week.)

It’s going to get a little ugly, a little dirty, but we’ll all love each other again in the end.  In a few wins wars weeks.  Right?

Take the next two days to love your friends because when Saturday comes, all bets (and BFFs) are off.

Today, I’m asking for a lot: BE SMARTER.

In case you missed the late night (Eastern time) Twitter riot , the LA Kings gave control of their account to KROQ radio host Kevin Ryder for the second period of Game 4 vs. the Sharks.  He did this:

Image from CBSSports.com

And because nothing is funnier than a rape joke, the Kings then had to do this:

I’m curious what you think.  Do you care?  Is a tasteless joke excusable or is an organization responsible for what they put forth, regardless of author?  We’re all desensitized to a certain amount of ingrained sexism and misogyny, especially in sports.  Where is the line?

Before turning over the keyboard, the Kings said:

How true?

Honestly, I’m all out of passes for people doing stupid things on social media.  We’ve already discussed how the trend-setting and extremely popular Kings Twitter account operates under the “Usually We’re Funny and Sometimes We’re Jerks” mandate [link].  We also talked about Asshole Day, celebrated by Duncan Keith and Tyler Seguin with various sexist/homophobic/moronic remarks [link].  My inner publicist dies a little when this happens.

I don’t want everything sanitized and I want these team accounts to have personalities and have fun.  Sometimes they will push boundaries.  But sometimes they will jump off the edge.  This is a failure on the part of whoever runs that ship to keep their sailors from going overboard.

Also, being upset that people are upset by something you said to upset them? No.  You worry about you, dude.  Be smarter.

On the ice, the Sharks were busy winning.  They’ve come back from 2-0 down to tie the series.  Maybe the Kings won’t have worry about their Twitter account for much longer this season.

Blackhawks vs. Wild

The Hawks didn’t play their best, but they squeaked one out vs. the Wild.  As the regular clock wound down and overtime became imminent, we all did this:

Every damned time.  In last year’s first round, 5 of 6 Chicago games went to overtime.  I cannot handle that again.  Still this series could be better than we expected – apparently the Wild didn’t read anything that anyone wrote.  Good for them, if not for me ever getting to bed before midnight.

Danica Patrick was on hand in a Patrick Sharp jersey.  She proved herself a Blackhawks fan not by making the first of three goal shots during intermission, but by derping as well as we’ve ever seen a derp.

This face should come with a free #19 jersey.

In the most impressive story of the night, Wild #1 goaltender Nicklas (not Nicky) Backstrom was injured during warmups and replaced by Josh Harding.  Harding played just 5 games this season, after being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis sometime last fall [link].  Asked about all the adversity, Josh said “No comment” over and over until reporters asked him about last night’s game instead [link].

That’s bad ass, Josh.  We want the Hawks to win, but you make them earn it.

Blues vs. Kings

OT was also required in St. Loius, where the Blues won the game on a goal that makes me want to throw up.  Not out of displeasure, just nerves.

Off all the things to happen…

It was scored by Alex Steen, who had the Blues only other goal of the game.  In Jonathan Quick’s defense, did you see last year’s playoffs?  He’s not worried.  He kept the Kings in this game while they were outshot 42-29 and he will do the same again tomorrow.

Ducks vs. Red Wings

Finally, Anaheim vs. Detroit happened in the middle of the damned night.  Of course it was Teemu Selanne with the Ducks eventual game-winning goal just into the third period.

Back in ’07, 36-year old Selanne eliminated the Red Wings from the Western Conference Final with an OT goal.  At 42, he’s still:

The Red Wings had only 11 shots through two periods, then another 11 in the third but they couldn’t get the tie.  The Ducks notched an empty netter at 19:37 to put this one away.

How did you hold up?  Not well judging by some of your Tweets.  Any tossable items broken, binge drinking or declarations of eternal love/hate yet?  I’m pretty concerned for my well being tonight during the Penguins game.  Tomorrow’s Capitals vs. Rangers opener will be even worse.  Already…

Don’t be jealous of our shoulderpads.

Where is the line between sass and being an ass when it comes to a team’s official Twitter account?

From last night’s game

You all know that during last year’s playoff run, the Kings Twitter feed was better than a lot of hockey being played by anyone who was not the Kings. Snark, hilarity and gleeful schadenfreude by a team on the way to it’s first Stanley Cup.  We loved it.

Picture and story from Puck Daddy, of course.

Still, this is an official mouthpiece of the team.  Twitter is increasingly the only media format fans see, especially in real-time, and the only one designed specifically for engaging with those fans.

At what point does team-sanctioned chirping become poor sportsmanship? Does self-deprecation make it less obnoxious?

After last night’s game

The Kings are on a little roll – they’ve won 5 games straight and moved into 5th in the West.  But it’s not like they’re the Blackhawks, and this isn’t the playoffs.  Do they need to slow their roll, or is this exactly the time to keep it going?

The Kings Twitter-splosion came at the magic moment – right before the Cup – giving them the unparalleled chance to make their brand of banter stick.  A lot of the casual and bandwagon fans that any championship brings must have been thrilled to find so unique a voice.  The Twitter account grew the Kings fan base just like winning did, and hopefully it held them through the lockout.

A few teams have tried it, most are wise enough not to because they can’t really pull it off.  It’s a delicate balance.  LA’s Twitter feed ranks 12th among teams in number of followers, even with all the hype  (thankfully CapGeek.com charts this).  They’re doing their thing at 194,000 followers, while the Canadiens, ranked #1, have almost 369,000.

Generally I think the LA Twitter feed is great, but last night they lost me with this particular comment.  It’s cheap, lame and not even funny.  God knows I don’t like the Wings either, but every team and fan has been on the backside of this equation in a game.  And it will happen again.

Remember that, and don’t be a sore winner.

Imagine the Penguins posted that during the Flyers game.  The Twitter birds would be lifting the state of Pennsylvania instead of a whale as we all rage-abbreviated into 140 characters.  It would be momentarily fun but ultimately gross, like the games at the end of last year.  Laviolette and Granato would be duking it out in Pierre’s dunk tank for sure.

Do those jackets have fight straps?

As a publicist in my real-job, there’s always the fear that once something is posted, it can’t be taken back.  It’s a double-edged sword.  I love the fresh fearlessness of the Kings Twitter, but shudder at the rolling snowball effect of being unable to rein people in who speak on your behalf.  Kids learn from their parents, right?

Sometimes it’s better to say nothing at all, even if this is also true:

He’s not on Twitter to spell things right.

I’m no advocate for censoring teams or players, but playing dirty is possible off-ice too.  A little media training wouldn’t hurt.

What do you think?  Is this a rare and refreshing example of someone in sports actually saying something?  Or would you prefer to see teams take the high(er) road, at least in print?

]]> http://whatsupyasieve.com/2013/02/28/14-going-on-140/feed/ 8 http://whatsupyasieve.com/2013/01/23/all-aboard-the-strugglebus/ http://whatsupyasieve.com/2013/01/23/all-aboard-the-strugglebus/#comments Wed, 23 Jan 2013 21:00:24 +0000 http://wuys.wpengine.com/?p=14336 One might have assumed my lockout-induced honeymoon period would last longer than four days.

WRONG.

Greetings from the StruggleBus.  Last night’s Capitals home opener looked a lot like their season opener in Tampa Bay.  As in: I reminded myself that the upside to losing is ticket prices stay low.

The Caps are not, by any means, the only team aboard this bus.  They are not even surprising.  Very early in this abbreviated season, the Flyers are having a breakdown as well.

Philly has a league high -8 overall goal deficit.  Their goaltending problem is a problem, but not if they can’t score.

The Rangers also bought a ticket for this ride.  They’re 0-2, gave up 6 goals to the Penguins and pulled Lundqvist in the 2nd period.  Tonight they rematch against Boston, who beat them 3-1 in the first game of the year.

People expect a lot from Philly and NY – rightfully so.  What about Carolina?

The Hurricanes have scored 2 goals, while giving up 9.  That is not the #11 we were hoping for down south.

It’s too soon to panic, right?  Teams are just shaking off the rust, getting their legs underneath them.  We hope.  The Caps issues last night were reminiscent of last season – bad outlet passes, no one in front of the net, sloppy entering the offensive zone – but magnified.  They’re operating under a new coach and a new system, with new guys on the ice.

Well, not all new guys.

Matt Henricks vs. The World went 3 rounds last night – 2 fights and 1 goal.

But some.  The Caps called up Tomas Kundratek on Monday to replace Jack Hillen, injured in the first game.

HELLO.  Also, how did you get on the ice when I’ve never heard of you?  Originally a Rangers prospect and most recently of the Hershey Bears, Tomas played 5 games for the Caps in 2011-2012… while I as on my actual honeymoon.  That explains it.  No one aces every class in the first week of school.

Out west, the Kings, Flames and Coyotes are all winless thus far.

Derping to Donuts

No one wants to raise the banner and get spanked, but it happened in LA.  The Kings had real goal-scoring issues all of last regular season, and have just three on this one.  The Coyotes have scored 7 and still lost both games.

I wouldn’t make it long as a Caps fan if I got down about every few bad games.  What about you other fans?  Are these growing pains, or symptoms of a larger illness?  The Rangers and Flyers aren’t in danger of losing butts in seats over a shaky start.  The Kings can ride the Cup train for a bit.  Calgary will obviously be fine even if they’re bad.  The Coyotes obviously won’t even if they’re great.  The Caps weren’t full last night, and tickets for tomorrow start at $23 on StubHub.  Those are middle-of-the-season, ennui-and-frustration prices.

Not what we want to see squashed on the windshield of our shiny new season.

The Los Angeles Kings will FINALLY get to raise their Stanley Cup banner tonight and WUYS West Coast Correspondent, Aaron is hella excited about it.

Check out his post below…

So here we stand, about to embark on a far too short, forty-eight game NHL season.

Man, it sucks to get short-shrifted on our hockey this year, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that raising a certain piece of synthetic fabric to the rafters of Staples Center wasn’t going to soften the blow.

On Saturday, January 19^th at 12 p.m. on the “best” coast (sorry Chuck & Pants), the Los Angeles Kings will raise their first “Stanley Cup Champions” banner in their forty-four year franchise’s history. Worth. Every. Agonizing. Moment.

I’ve seen it all as a Kings fan.

And having witnessed the good, bad, and the oh-so-very ugly of being a Kings fan over the last twenty-five years, it’ll all be worth it, watching that banner get raised, tears streaming down my face like a toddler with a skinned knee.

That’s okay though, I will sob proudly, because this isn’t a moment you get to experience very often.

It’s worth noting that the Kings organization chose not to mount the banner on the wall of the Staples Center, because, well, a certain NBA team was kind of hogging it.

So instead, the banner will be the first to actually hang from the rafters of Staples, which symbolizes more than a lack of real estate on the wall.

It symbolizes that Tim Lieweke and the Kings organization want to leave plenty of room for future banners. Lieweke and GM Dean Lombardi built this team from the ground up with the hope of not winning one Stanley Cup, but creating a dynasty.

Seems like a smooth transition into the Kings chances of repeating. Now, it’s no secret there hasn’t been a team to repeat as Stanley Cup champions for fifteen years [1998 Detroit Red Wings.] Bottom line, it’s hard as hell to repeat.

But, and at the risk of sounding like a total “homer,” I think the Kings are poised to be the first team break the fifteen year drought.

Everyone is quick to point out the infamous Stanley Cup hangover – where the team that won the Cup struggles the following season do to an exhausting schedule of parading the Cup around all summer all the while trying to recover from injuries sustained during the elongated playoff run.

Well, considering the Kings have had an extra few months to recuperate, it’s like they ordered Grey Goose instead of the well crap and will wake up on opening day with no headache or vomiting, ready for the puck to drop.

The Kings are also the first team in recent memory to bring back their entire Stanley Cup winning roster.

Lucky for the Kings, there were no aging veterans, no pending free agents looking to get overpaid, and no fat to trim.

Being able to maintain that same chemistry and not having to learn to gel with new teammates is huge advantage for a team looking to repeat as Cup champs.

I’m not calling my shot, just saying that the Kings have a better shot than teams in recent past.

Finally, as the various sports news outlets put out their preseason team rankings, TSN has the Kings ranked at number ten.

My initial feeling upon reading that was blasphemy.

After all, how could you possibly rank nine teams above the Stanley Cup winners?

After I stopped my combination of yelling and crying however, I realized that this is right where the Kings want to be.

Flying under the radar, no expectations, doing just well enough to hang around.

The Kings are basically the “According to Jim” of the regular season.

But without sucking.

Let’s do it again, boys.

GO KINGS GO!

written by Aaron Vaccaro, What’s Up Ya Sieve’s West Coast Correspondent

Not only did they commit their lives to each other, but they also celebrated with this cake.

They are true and loyal hockey/Kings fans.  (Also, this cake looks really yummy.  Now we’re craving cake…)

Mazel Tov, you crazy kids!

May you be blessed with long lives, lots of love and hockey playing babies.

We already have some names picked out for you.

Dustin.  Jonathan.  Darryl.  Anze.

Follow Aaron on the twitter at @badmovienitecom 

Well, folks.  They did just that.

New Jersey Devils resistance was utterly futile.

Shiny.

Last night, the Kings went into full-on beast mode and beat the New Jersey Devils 6-1 to clinch the first Stanley Cup in the franchise’s 45 year history.

This team, and their entire playoff run was epic – one of firsts, impressive records, and feats of altheticism and skill that make us super jealous.

The Kings barely made the playoffs and are the first ever eight-seed to win the Cup.  They did so with an impressive 16-4 record and a unimaginable 10-1 road record.

They rolled over the #1, #2, and #3 seeds in the Western Conference in dominating fashion and matched the second-fastest run to a Stanley Cup Championship in modern NHL history.

It was no surprise that Jonathan Quick won the Conn Smythe Trophy as playoff MVP.  Pretty sure his goals-against-average was like -4 and he had a save percentage of eleventy billion.  (It was actually 1.41 GAA and .946 save percentage – both NHL records)

Quick also became the 3rd American-born player to win the Conn Smythe.  Fellow goalie Tim Thomas won last year (like we could forget) and waaaay back in 1994 (when Quick was 8 years old), Brian Leetch from the NY Rangers won it.

Another little tidbit of trivia info – Leetch and Quick both went to school at Avon Old Farms in Connecticut and played in Hockey East (Leetch at Boston College, Quick at UMass Amherst).  Oh and Thomas went to University of Vermont – also a Hockey East school.  HOCKEY EAST REPRESENT!

Daddy, you won! Can I have some M&Ms?

The game itself had a intensity befitting a potential Stanley Cup cliniching game and there can be no doubt that its defining moment came in the first period when the Devils’ Steve Bernier boarded Rob Scuderi.

Scuderi was left bloodied and bruised.

Bernier felt shame and was ejected, resulting in a five-minute power play for the Kings.

During that five minutes, the captain Dustin Brown, Jeff Carter, and Trevor Lewis each scored goals.  The Kings never looked back.

Brown also added two assists and became just the 2nd American-born captain to raise the Cup.  He managed to accomplish that which the Great One, Wayne Gretzky, could not do in his eight year tenure with the Kings.

Anze Kopitar has poised himself on the edge of NHL super stardom.  He tied for the playoff lead in points (20) and goals (8), and finished a ridiculous +16.  Not only is he the first Slovenian to play in the NHL, but now he’ll be the first ever to have his name engraved on the Cup.

He also is the first ever to wear this in a post-game interview.

All hail King Kopitar!

This team was chockful of talent and size and skill and they peaked at the most perfect time.  Their regular season was inconsistent at best as they struggled to score goals, but something special happened after Darryl Sutter took over the team midseason.

So special in fact, that it earned them the most coveted and respected trophy in all of sports.

We are very much looking forward to the Kings’ summer with the Cup and all the photos, tweets, and stories that will undoubtedly follow.

We want to see Dustin Penner eat some pancakes out of the Cup.

We want to Carter and Richards take the Cup on a sunset stroll on the beach.

But most of all, we want to see the players, and their family, friends, and fans, savor every moment of this incredible accomplishment.

CONGRATS to the 2012 Stanley Cup Champion, Los Angeles Kings!