For two solid weeks in February, you’re invited to our party.

Okay, it’s probably going to look more like this:

But the guest list is epic.  It’s  comprised of every Olympic snub – and there are some bold-faced names here.  To make sure our party lives up to the Russian’s, we’ve put our guests in charge of bringing a few key ingredients.  Consider it a gift registry without the wedding, and you don’t have to travel 16,000 miles to get to this reception.

Beer: Staal Brothers

It was a long shot for Jordan to make it, but we expected Eric to be defending Canada’s honor.  Since he can’t do it in Russia, he’ll make sure we do it here. They’ll book the jet they chartered home to Thunder Bay for Christmas, load it up and land it close.  Hope you guys like Labatts, Molson and sod because that’s all they’re bringing.

Liquor (except vodka): James Neal

Beer isn’t going to cut it for Nealmobile.  Neither, apparently, are more assists than Rick Nash has points, plus 16 goals, in fewer games.  Or better numbers since 2008.  No doubt James’ recent on-ice immaturity played a part, but growing up will have to come later.  For this we need to break out the (you thought I was going to say ‘big guns,’ right?) good stuff, skip the shot glasses and just go for it.  (He can bring his regular glasses, though.)

Vodka (and lots of it): Alex Semin

I don’t like Sasha – didn’t like him on the Caps, don’t care about him now – but getting left off the roster in your home country is awful.  Especially when he’s got a long history of representing Russia in international events.  Maybe it was due to his concussion earlier this season, but even I’ll drink to the fact it was a shame he got snubbed.  The Ovi & Sasha Reunion Show would’ve been a hit.

Games: Claude Giroux

Gingeroux thought he had this.  Normally the suffering of any Flyer makes me giddy as a Disney villain, but leaving him off Team Canada was just fickle and redheads are always welcome at our shindigs.  Based on his ability to play beer pong and cornhole with two casted, post-surgery wrists, we’re going to bet Colde can find a way to shoot around the pieces of his broken heart.  Heck, we’ll even crank the heat and make it #shirstoptional.

$5 Cover Charge: Intern Jeff Skinner

NHL’s First Star of the Week?  Good for 66.15 points to my fantasy team in just seven days, more than double what anyone else produced?  Hat tricks all over the place are awesome, but he’s still not getting in for free.

Fake IDs: #TeamEbs and #TeamHallsy

We know they’re both of age, but @amandalitty is bouncing and she just wants to know where #TeamHallsy lives, okay?  Plus we are not falling for that matching outfit, ‘No really, I’m Jordan Eberle’ trick that Nugent-Hopkins pulled the last time.

His phone: Jack Johnson

We’re prank calling Crosby all night – which will be 9 hours later there and he’ll probably answer until he blocks us and we leave amazing messages complete with singing.  These are the best kinds of messages.

Darkness: Brent Seabrook

Resident widow’s peak and most likely vampire, Seabs ain’t coming out till the sun goes down.  He slept all day, so he’s in charge of last call.

Selena Gomez CD: Logan Couture

This was his chance, you know?  Everyone watches the Olympics and there was bound to be a hockey clip during ice dancing, which people love once every 4 years.  If Logan could’ve been that highlight then Selena would have seen him and POW.  We’d be hired to promote their starring roles in The Cutting Edge 4: Ice Castles in the Ice coming out next Christmas.

His laptop: Bobby Ryan

Team USA’s biggest snub is in charge of Tweeting, Instagramming and live-blogging this party as it goes down.  Cats are allowed but absolutely nothing silver: no Coors Silver Bullet, no Patron Silver tequila, no games of quarters.

Not this shirt: Joe Thornton

The last time we partied like we were in college… well, we were in college.  We might have overlooked this shirt back then but the era of poor decision-making and Ed Hardy clothing has passed.   For heaven’s sake, there is a design on your jeans!  Give us your wallet, go tell Logan that Selena & Beiber are not back together and we’ll take care of this on Nordstrom.com.

Not any shirt: Victor Hedman

Does this party have a pool?  Victor Hedman is probably tan in February and we need a lifeguard – all these numbers that say Hedman should have been chosen make our heads swim.

Recycling Bags: Marty St. Louis

What the crap, right?  Marty may scowl disapprovingly at the pile of beer cans JStaal has crushed on his forehead, but that’s because he knows when the morning comes (or say, a 38th birthday), he’ll still be here showing these kids how it’s done.  Marty is the Last Dad Standing, so he’s on clean up.

UPDATE – Marshall: Tyler Seguin

How could I forget this?  All puppies are invited but especially if they bring Tyler Seguin.  And Tyler Seguin brings his dance moves.  (Thanks Jess!)

Jerseys, mittens, hats and flags: You 

Of course this hockey party will have hockey, and plenty of it, at all hours of the night and day.  If you saved vacation time, use it now.  While not all of our favorite players made it to Sochi, everyone from home to Russia will be supporting their country loudly and proudly.  And in some cases, other countries near their countries (maybe that’s just me).

If I didn’t pick your snubbed favorite, feel free to invite him.  We welcome anyone who brings snacks or is qualified to drive a Zamboni.

Movember is over!  Hockey players can now walk past schools without drawing police attention.

Don’t be shy about watching him drink that water twice.

Intern Jeff Skinner’s in the office first every day.

And when I’m not around, he gets mad and has 3-point games to beat the Caps.

John Tavares is popping his collar, proving that not even John Tavares can pull off a popped collar.  (Just when he’s getting the pants right!)

Alex Steen is still wondering why we have no idea who Alex Steen is.  Foxy Friday, check.  2nd in goals.  Sleeve tattoo, yes.  What does a guy have to do?

Ovi leads the league with 21 goals.  He is also featured in Maxim Russia’s December issue dressed, I think, as Johnny 5 from Short Circuit.

From Japer’s Rink via Washington Post

After watching adorable otter footage, YouTube suggested I watch 11 more cute animal videos and 1 of Eric Staal giving a tour of his house.  How does it know?

Malkin is the NHL’s #1 Star of the Week AGAIN.  Geno, you’re going to become like those Bed, Bath & Beyonce 20% off coupons.  We get them so often they stop being… no they don’t.  I collect them.

Josh Harding has 3 shutouts plus a League-leading 1.45 GAA.  Did you know he also has Multiple sclerosis?  Right, you did.  The only person who doesn’t seem to know that is Josh Harding.  This guy is incredible.  Good goaltending is how a team ranked 21 in Goals For is 9th in the overall standings.

Meanwhile, the Minneapolis Star Tribune struggles with “Wild” as a plural.

The Blackhawks are the #1 team in the League.  They lost last night after winning 6 straight – a  little snag, that’s all.

The Sharks have also won 6 in a row.  Are wins free out west?  Where do all these points come from?  It’s not as of the Western Conf. is half undefeated and the other half never win.  The Oilers aren’t even the worst (or even 2nd-worst) team in the League!

With all the points and the Tweets, Selena Gomez please just call Logan Couture one time so he can move on.

Mike Green scored his first of the season last night!  I missed it and the Caps lost anyway, but still.  You’ve got to start somewhere.

Or not.

The city of New York continues to ruin our lives.  First this Jacoby Ellsbury stab, then the NYR re-sign Henrik for 7 years (avg. $8.5 m/yr), proving no one expects him to age – ever – or be beaten by the Caps in the playoffs.

Ugh, vampires.

Even hockey puns are making me laugh today:

That’s how you know that everything is working – mostly.  Those things that aren’t, well, there might be just enough time left for them to get better.

Perhaps in time for a February 6 game vs Toronto? [report]

Is he flexing his abs? That can’t be all the time.

The players all look so happy – almost as happy as I would be if this were a t-shirt shop and I had a bag full of Canadian money.  Collect all 48!

There are moments when, as part of the unfreezing process, you have no inner monologue.  So here’s mine, in yellow and red, as this was going through my mind out loud:

Toews love-fest from the Calgary Sun

Family Photo!

Click photo for larger version – from Sporting News

Hey, zoom in!

These two.

Or maybe…

Now with MORE arrows!

There are more videos at TSN (right sidebar).  Endless footage of fit guys running around sounds like the perfect way to spend a Tuesday.

Coming Soon: another round of The Bachelorette.  But first this bonus round…

Will JT91 be named next captain of the Islanders? – NHL.com

And click this one for the new desktop wallpaper of your life:

You’re welcome.  Love, Canada

I told myself I didn’t care anymore. The lockout was dragging and NHL hockey was no longer a part of my life. I had accepted it and moved on.

Then the RBC Charity Challenge happened.

“Mwhahahaha,” said Stamkos.

The NHLPA threw James Neal, Steven Stamkos, Logan Couture, Michael Del Zotto, Joffrey Lupul, PK Subban, and a bunch of other players on the same sheet of ice, and my inner fangirl was doomed from the very announcement.

I paid my $30, got a third row ticket and emotionally prepared myself.

I knew it was going to be a great night when I saw PK Subban on my way to the grocery store.  I did what any other normal person would do – speed-walked right past him in stunned silence then tweeted about it immediately.

Eventually it was game time. I could talk about how much I missed the sights, sounds and smells of a hockey arena, but I have far too many pictures of James Neal and Steven Stamkos for that.  I know what you really want.

First came the warm-up.  Team Subban debuted, then Team Stamkos.  That’s when we all died fangirl deaths.  Look, NHLPA. You can’t just put Stammer, Nealer, and MDZ on the same team and expect every female in the place to contain herself.  (Pants Note: Word.)

It was arguably the best part of the entire game, because the players skated without their helmets on and we got to see all of this:

During the game, the announcer gave James Neal the not-actually-real award of “Best Hair on the Ice.” Pascal Dupuis may not have been there to rub his stick in it (that sounds inappropriate!), but Nealer’s hair looked, as always, pretty fabulous.

Puck drop: Steven Stamkos, Elisha Cuthbert’s fiancé, and 4 other guys that you’re probably not going to know unless you’re a Leafs fan.  (Are there any of you out there, or am I alone in my misery?)

Fun fact: PK and Steven used to be teammates when they were little kids. Like that one stacked team in every rec league that wins all the trophies.

Jim Cuddy sang the national anthem. This picture is so Canadian it hurts.

 What follows is a random selection of the best pictures from throughout the game. If you’re not a fan of James Neal’s face, maybe just skip this part.

(Pants Note: Maybe just skip this blog!)

This just seemed like a necessary inclusion.

Nealer and Purcell having a serious discussion about which of them is better friends with Stamkos.  (Pants Note: Awkward foreground moment.)

Oh my god, just stop it.

If only they were facing the camera.

Obligatory James Neal tongue photo. Sorry about your ovaries, Pants.

Versteeg is probably singing “Glamorous” by Fergie to Stammer right here.

I’d totally be staring at/taking pictures of Teddy Purcell’s butt, too.

It took until the second period for me to remember that Team Subban existed.

I have nothing coherent to say. I just spent 5 minutes staring at Stammer here.

Bless your heart, Phil the Thrill. You put on a stickhandling clinic through traffic in the slot, then missed the shot, lost your footing, crashed into the boards and got up laughing.

My three boyfriends. But I guess I can share.

Pretty sure this line combined for like 30 points. 

These poor, misguided children. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache and despair. RUN BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.

It’s impossible not to like Joffrey Lupul. He sasses Gary Bettman, has great taste in music, and has that face.

I was so distracted by Team Stamkos that I unfairly neglected Logan Couture until the 3^rd period.

Wojtek “the Polish Prince” Wolski, just for Chuck.

Last picture of James Neal, I SWEAR.

Sadly, the game eventually ended and I remembered that the lockout still exists. But at least I have all these pictures to get me through it.

On my way home I saw David Steckel who, despite what I’m about to say, seemed to be a lovely and fantastic person who I’m sure did not mean to hit Sidney Crosby in the head.

But while everyone else was asking him for autographs, I experienced an intense rage flashback. It took everything in me not to angrily shout something about staying away from Canada’s National Treasure. (Last week, against my better judgment, I re-watched “Pens/Caps: 24/7” and I’m. Still. Bitter.)

Hope you guys enjoyed my little recap, and more importantly, the pictures! If you’re looking for pictures of a specific player from the game, let me know. I literally took hundreds of pictures, so this is just a small sampling, and I don’t mind sharing.

Thanks to Pants and Chuck for letting me do this guest blog! Also a big thank you to Elena for fangirling with me throughout the entire thing!

Mr. Pants: “What are you so happy about?”

Obviously he doesn’t share my pain in missing a week of hockey and the ASG Draft, or as we prefer to think of it, The WUYS Bachelor Auction.  I’m sure it was great.  And I saw they put Letang in the front row because even he can only get away with tripping once.

The Elimination Shootout started as we reached cruising altitude.  Stamkos stepped up… and the pilot came on the PA talking about miles programs and tail winds and how, if you looked out the right side, you could see a chicken in Mississippi riding a bicycle.  He talked the ENTIRE TIME!   We almost had an incident with Homeland Security.  Plus the seatbelt sign was on forever and I really had to pee.

During the post-win interview, I lost it and said, “Stop touching him, Pierre!” really loud.  Unless Pierre has scissors, though it doesn’t look like he’d know how to cut hair.

Hands off the merchandise, Troll.

Also, it’s not easy to watch Nealmobile do Accuracy Shooting when it’s illegal for me to scream, run around or throw things.  As I watch back through the coverage, the ASG never fails to be a highlight of the season.  It brainwashes me into a maniac who thinks things like:

Red heads in pink shirts?  Sure, why not!  Too bad no one could straighten it out before shooting.  Unless Giroux’s going to tear it off, it shouldn’t be stretched like that.  My inner publicist cringes.  (Note: That plaid jacket still needs to go. Along with Neal’s. Were they on sale in Ontario at some point?)

Carey Price is funny.  And charming.  I didn’t think this could get worse.

Scott Hartnell + the Sedins = my nightmare.  Except it’s fantastic.

And some things’s don’t surprise.  Henrik Lundqvist puts everyone to shame, in every category.

If you didn’t think Patrick Kane would steal the show then you must be new around here.

My tights are underneath.

As always, the awkward prom photos.  Everyone is cringing about talking to fathers and having to

See you at the prom party, Segs.

Logan can pick us up in his new car.

 What did you guys think?  No Crosby, Toews, Green, Backstrom, zero Staals.  Still everything you hoped for?  And share your favorite bits, because I probably missed them!

And I don’t like San Jose but they have an AWESOME PR team who makes these OUTRAGEOUSLY funny campaigns. Let the ad wars begin. This one’s for you Pants since you love Logan – post-rookie of your life.

Okay Eastern Conference.  Give me something to care about!

Now that you won’t be able to get this song out of your head, it’s the battle of the Super Twins, Count Von Count-anyone-can-do-this-job VS. Jumbo Scrimp (Oxy-Maroon), I’m-still -Cryin’ Patty Mar-where’s-the-loo and Logan Haute-Couture. Who will win the West-Coast Battle for the Cup? I called Vancouver in the Wayback Machine.

capt vs capt (i think it's henrik - who knows for sure!)

On the East Coast we got the Not-so-Jolly-Yellow-Giant Chara, Sir Thomas-the-Tank-Engine and i-blow-pucks-out-my-ass-for-goals-bergeron VS stampeding Stammers, Little-Man Louis and Bat-shit-crazy-face-sort-of-hot-in-a-weird-way-guy-the-butcher. I called neither of these and would have never dreamed of either of these but in reverse psychology and covering my bases. I’m going with Tampa Bay and if they win, I’ll be glad and say I called it. If they lose, I’ll say I helped Boston because every team I pick, loses! So either way, I’m covered! Sound practice!

Not only did you beat Detroit (insert me making siren noise here), but you managed not to fall apart like a house of cards.  I mean, you came close.  Really close.  I had to angle away from the TV and pretend to Tweet because I knew the minute I looked, disaster would strike.  I might have peeked but I didn’t watch until the announcers were screaming too.

Gator’s really bummed about the Red Wings.  I might have to buy her Chicken McNuggets for lunch (extra ketchup).  Maybe she’ll feel better after reading this.  But now she’s just like me and Dawn, without her top team(s) and choosing sides based on beards and bus stops and the perfect teal nail polish.

Hey Wings, U MAD?!

Oh, in case you forgot what I was thinking for a second…

ROML FTW!

So we’re down to the Final Four.  How are we doing on predictions?  We had the Bruins, Canucks and Sharks getting out of the first round, and the Bruins and Canucks from the second.  Bonus of the Sharks.  No one had the Bolts because I would have kicked them in R1 and Dawn would have scratched them in R2.  Now anyone who wants to root for TB can take on Chuck.

Not good enough! Om nom nom!

PS: Gator is rooting for TB.  I will sit quietly on my hands and try not to cheer for anyone in that series.  Chuck roots for my teams when she can, I shall root for hers.  And Steven.  There, I said it!

On Monday, Rookie of My Life Logan Couture posted this.  It made me all teary-eyed like that Green Day “Time of Your Life” song.  Not that 19 years is a long time in the hockey world.  Or that you’d rather play 7 than win in 4.  But way to be optimistic, LC.

I don’t know what to say about the Red Wings except they are about the last team I’d want to face in an elimination game.  Or in the playoffs at all.  They’re just a huge pile of awesome that sits around thinking up ways to skip school so they can kick your ass.

The Sharks will have to come up big tonight, but I think they can do it.  Remember they won 5 OT games in a row these playoffs… that’s grit.

We know Chuck will be pulling for Jumbo Joe.  She’s seriously been on that kick since 1997 and it’s about time Thornton returned the favor.  Between Joey and the Bruins both still in the post-season, Chuck is having all the luck this year while I sit on the back nine with Toews, Fleury and Brooks Laich trying to make par.

San Jose won the first game 2-1 in OT and the second 2-1 in regulation.  Everyone’s got two assists: Rookie of My Life Logan Couture, Foxy Friday Ryan(e) Clow(e) and ASG prank mastermind Danny Boyle.

I don’t want to get ahead of myself.  These games are all nail-biters and no one makes me more nervous than Detroit.  This is just to keep the boys going.  Jumbo Joe is out to remind Chuck that back in ’97 she was swooning over his blond curls and Dunkin’ Donuts commercials.  He wants her to Feel the Teal.  (Okay sorry, that’s a terrible slogan.)

If there’s anyone we’d like to see go down it’s Detroit.  If there’s anyone who will make us eat our words and send their over-40s to shut us up, it’s Detroit.  So play on – Game 3 Wed at 5 PM PT.

For some reason, it makes me want to sing this:

Also the Sharks are on a crazy tear, and that’ll get a post this weekend.  They’ve won 8 straight and play Dallas tomorrow.  Rokkie of My Life Logan Couture is tied for the team lead with 25 goals.

He means London, Ontario.  Because we all know the Biebs is Canadian.

Rookie of the Year?  Logan Couture, rookie of my life! We have never been afraid to express our inner-teenybopper around here.  Logan is invited to wear a WUYS friendship bracelet, read our diaries and pass notes in homeroom.  Follow along at @Logancouture.

We’re just saying…