The day before Brenda was heading to Texas on vacation, she got a Facebook message from a friend: Henrik Lundqvist was doing a signing at Birchbox in SoHo for the first 150 people who bought either a t-shirt or a pair of boxer briefs from Bread & Boxers (for whom he’s a spokesmodel spokesman). So of course she ran for the door, down the street and got there 2.5 hours early. To be 6th in line.  She managed some coherent speech and minimal swooning while posing for this:

Mr. June, obviously.

According to Brenda, “His shirt was SO SOFT” and she strongly resisted the urge to pet his hair. Because you can’t be in jail and go to Austin for a week of Stars practice! On to Texas, where Brenda stayed with Vicky (of VickyAndNikkisFiveHole). She reports:

Day 1: Jamie Benn seems to be pretty well recovered from his surgery. Must be that new strength and conditioning coach fitness model he’s been dating. He was skating quite a bit on a line with Eaves, which is WAY too much hotness for one line.

Parts his hair with a protractor.

Between practices they brought in a huge group of little kids on a school field trip, who all got Seguin jerseys and were quizzed them about hockey and the Stars. Seggy took a selfie with them [Twitter]. Seguin & Sharp also spent a bunch of time on a line together. If we thought that the combo of Benn & Eaves was as good as it could get, Sharpie & Seggy certainly gave them a run for their money.

Pants: Completely forgot he was a Star.

Later in the day, Jordie Benn’s beard showed off its post-season form. And I’m just going to say right now that the moment that Stephen Johns makes it to the NHL, he’ll need a Foxy Friday IMMEDIATELY. (Pants, he has a ginger beard!).

Okay, we believe you.

Later that night the Stars had an outdoor fan fest, which included a bouncy house (for kids only – boo) and a TERRIBLE cover band who wore different colored Adidas track. [Pants note: That sounds kind of awesome.] There were Q&A sessions and I was able to get autographs from all of the players who were there. I also got to meet the lovely Carolyn & Merrin from Two Bearded Ladies. I felt an immediate bond with Carolyn upon learning of our shared deep and abiding love of Brandon Bollig. Of course I also managed to find a fellow NY Ranger fan and had to introduce myself to him. #BlueshirtsUnited [Pants note: Hashtags you’ll never again see on this blog.]

Day 2: Vicky & I were running late, and spied Jordie Benn, Jason Demers, Kari Lehtonen & 2 other players trying to get back into the arena after apparently running to the nearby gas station for snacks. [Pants note: They need an Intern Jeff Skinner!] Eventually someone did let them in. Incredibly, not even three minutes later, Demers was already on the ice. How did he get dressed so quickly???

On Day 2, the Stars decided to unveil their strategy for the upcoming season: blind the rest of the league with their beauty. For a large portion of the practice, Benn, Seguin, Sharp, Demers & Oduya skated together as a 5-man unit. Jesus, Dallas, are you trying to KILL us??? I’m shocked that the ice did not melt (full disclosure: we melted – A LOT). A bunch of other stuff happened at practice, too, but honestly, who cares?

Discussing #BeardWatch2016 odds

Day 3: Today was the “official” scrimmage that you had to pay to attend, as well as the only day concession stands were open, so of course I took advantage and had a frozen strawberry margarita. We were excited that they were handing out rally towels to fans, until we discovered that they were left over from Mike Modano’s retirement night from 2014. Very lame, Stars! Vicky & I were joined by Le’Loni, Micah & Laura, her fellow Texas Stars Ice Patrol friends, and Nikki, the other half of VickyAndNikkisFiveHole. We were NOTHING but trouble. A lot of people were SUPER PISSED that Jamie Benn & Ales Hemsky didn’t skate in the scrimmage. Still, it was really fun. Seggy looked great, scoring 2 goals but missing on a penalty shot.

You miss 100% of the abs you never show.

The funniest part of the day was that Merrin was able to get Jamie to sign the notebook (available at the Two Bearded Ladies online shop) that has a picture of a sloth in a hockey helmet hanging from a hockey stick along with a quote from Jamie’s scouting report: “We’re not sure if he’s really that slow, or if he just refuses to move.” Well done, ma’am.

Twobeardedladies.wordpress.com

[Pants note: STOP. Their subtitle is “If you’re gonna play in Texas, you gotta have a beard on your face”!! I swear I did NOT see that before titling this post. #soulmates]

Day 4: The best part of the ENTIRE camp was that after the scrimmage (and after the laps that both squads had to skate), Sharp and Oduya were out on the ice. We thought maybe they were going to do some drills with the coaches, but then Oduya skated off. Sharp skated a bit with the puck and then shot it right at the boards below us (we were sitting right on the glass). We laughed and waved at him. He skated by and then turned around and smiled at us and flipped the puck over the glass to me. Another woman who was sitting at the other end of the row went to get it (it had gone behind me), but there was ZERO CHANCE I was letting anyone get the puck that Sharpie had clearly wanted ME to have. Shockingly, in my entire life (we don’t need to talk about exactly how many years that is), this is the first time I’ve ever had a player give me a puck. A 3-time Stanley Cup champion is a pretty outstanding place to start, don’t you think?

Signed: The World’s Most Handsome Man

Day 5: After the last practice, Sharpie was talking to some of the fans on his way off the ice and I was able to get him to sign the puck he’d given me the day before (side bar: his hands are very soft). YESSSS!!! So in the space of 8 days, I met 2 of the 3 best looking men in the NHL (Patrice Bergeron being the third – although I met him at the NHL store this past season), which is pretty ridiculous. I am feeling very blessed. Thank you, hockey gods!

Sizing up the competition.

Thankfully pre-season hockey is here and regular season hockey is right around the corner. Let’s go Rangers!

[Pants note: I’ll let her have that one. Thank you, Brenda! And be sure to check out the other female-written hockey blogs in this post: @vickyandnikki  and @beardiestladies!]

VickyandVikkis5hole.wordpress.com

Tyler Seguin and Jordie Benn made a Super Bowl bet: if Seattle lost, Tyler would have Jordie’s megabeard. If New England lost, Jordie would shave Tyler’s head.

What do we have to say? Thank you, Tom Brady. Thank you, Julian Edelman. Thank you, Katy Perry, for even your low-vocaled halftime show and that time you wore the Holocaust cloak from The Princess Bride had some hand in this.

Usually, we’s say “Not the face!” – but this time, okay.

Benn had been working on that beard for a year, and as much as we’ll miss it, he could easily grow it back by next Thursday.

Should have trimmed it first. Everyone knows that.

Tyler’s hair, on the other hand… don’t mess.

Hey girl/guy/kid/fan/lense/plate of macaroni & cheese. You busy later?

In other proof that the boys take their football seriously, Tyler Tweeted this:

Suede dude booties off when watching football.

And while you may be willing to overlook a missing apostrophe or two, Jamie knows the best way to get revenge is by sitting near someone cuter on occasion.  Maybe he’s taking applications.

Bonus: the Gnome never eats his pretzels.

Ignoring you, we look out the window and see:

Ha, pitiful fence.  That won’t hold you!  Intern Jeff Skinner can only turn and flee as you stampede into our office:

Okay, okay!  We hear you.  You’re like that petition to the White House to deport Bieber – we must take you seriously now.

Foxy Friday: Jamie Benn

Damn, Gina.

We confess – Chuck & I have been resisting this selection because we’re not crazy about the hair.

Sure, try out the long locks.  All the guys do.  Then they admit they’re not Kris Letang and let the phase pass, like that time everyone went blond in junior, and hope the internet forgets.

No. Maybe. Yes.

Somehow, while packing for Sochi, Jamie heard us over you chanting his name. “All you want is a haircut?” he asked.

BOOM.

Jut to be clear, this hair is very, very good:

This hair is fine, under control.

It’s when we start getting to be the kind of shag I had as a kid, where my mom made a ponytail, pulled it forward and chopped it off, that we have to object.

Especially now that we know about this:

Jamie Benn, raising the bar.

Aside from the hair, we know almost nothing about Jamie.  He’s never been (I honestly just typed “benn”) tagged in a single post.  We know he stands next to Tyler Seguin sometimes.  We know Jamie resembles our friend Matty D, who also lives in Texas, and that Texas is in a different time zone.  But we can never remember which one.

At least we know his team’s not called the Texas Stars. (Rats my joke is ruined by this being correct! Merrin points out this is AHL.  See, how much we’re learning?  Our fault for doubting The Hockey News’ typesetters.)

Texas Stars is still not very creative. (RIP: Albany River Rats)

So we looked him up.  Based on his star turn at the Olympics and the many hockey-related accolades Jamie receives from gushing commentators, it seemed obvious that his on-ice play is something special.

Credited as someone with “tremendous versatility” who “never quits on a play” [DefendingBigD.com], Benn is a consistent 20+ goal guy.  If he keeps pace, he’ll break the 30 goal mark this season for the first time in his career.

Jamie lead the Stars in scoring last year.  This season he’s got some flashy help in the form of Tyler Seguin, with whom he shares the top of the stats chart.  Look how far ahead they are of everyone else:

Benn has become the “face of a franchise” in Dallas – an odd title, not undeserved but seemingly dropped on him by a team that has let all their other faces go: Brad Richards went UFA, Loui Eriksson, Mike Ribero, James Neal and Brendan Morrow were all traded.  The only other Star to ever outscore Benn was defenseman Stephane Robidas in JB’s rookie year.

The Stars move to acquire Seguin was a big one, and it’s paying off.  Jamie and his brother Jordie have gotten some credit for helping Chuck’s favorite bad boy settle down in Dallas [link].  Tyler lives in the same building, spends time with them and, based on this video, has encouraged Jamie to be drunk at work.

Only kidding.  But they do love each other.

Here’s Jamie flicking hats at Tyler after Seguin scored a hat trick on free hat day. Way to recycle the promo items, boys.

Seguin could be the perfect compliment to Jamie Benn’s personality.  Jamie is notoriously media-shy and awkward (two of our favorite things), and has even been called “robotic” [link].  Yet his on-ice work got him appointed team captain back in September.  Not bad for a guy passed up until the fifth round of the ’07 draft – who just might be coming out of his shell.

We are not the only ones to overlook Jamie Benn.  He was left off the Team Canada Olympic orientation camp roster last summer.  No ball hockey, no Bachelorette nickname, nothing.  He sure showed us.  With a point-per-game through Oct/Nov., Benn clawed his way into the ranks and was given a bunk in Russia.  He scored the game winner in prelim play vs. Norway and then, with everything on the line:

Jamie Benn scored the only goal of the Canada vs. USA matchup.  Team Canada advanced to the Gold Medal game.  A hero was born and,well, you know the rest.

via CBS Sports.com

Let’s review.  Tops in team scoring. Captain. Olympic gold medalist.  And now finally Foxy Friday.  Did we mention Benn’s goal and two assists last night in the victory over Carolina?  Currently 8th in a very tight mid-pack Western Conference, the Stars need every win if they’re going to make the playoffs for the first time in six years.

Here’s a profile on Benn from the end of last season:

And another from this year, after he got the shiny C on his chest:

(Two more parts of this: Seguin and Prospects)

You can continue to waste invest your entire day in foxiness with features on Baby Benn (Part 1 and Part 2).  Follow Jamie on Twitter (@jamiebenn14) and Instagram.  Follow his brother too (@dartheighter).

While you’re at it, ask yourself who brings a camera into a sauna.  Or who cares? It’s Friday.

Bonus: The Stars host the Lightning tomorrow at 3 PM Eastern, so you can wisely invest your Saturday too!

Thanks to all of Jamie’s publicists who sent Tweets, emails, gifs and pics.  You’re all hired.  Same pay rate as Intern Jeff Skinner.

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