It turns out I really miss those.

The NHL handed out their awards over the weekend while I had no internet and no idea it was happening.  Oh well.  My campaign for a “make up for the lockout and no All-Star Game” program involving a swimsuit competition and push-up contest apparently fell on deaf ears.

We’ll always have this Blackhawks TV episode.

Deprived of suits, shiny toys and the potential of a Biz & Gingeroux Take Vegas Instagram-Fest, let’s discuss the winners.

Hart Trophy/League MVP – Alex Ovechkin

Is that a tray of watches and potato pancakes?

Mmmmmkay.  I would have gone with Crosby, but research indicates I may be biased.  Can you miss 1/4 of 1/2 of a season and still be MVP?  Fine, I guess not – but Sid only lost by 4 votes.  I did admit this was the first year I have appreciated Ovi.  If this award inspires him to play like his three Hart-worthy seasons (instead of last season!) in the future, it’s cool by me.

John Tavares, what do you think?

Selke/Best Defensive Forward – Jonathan Toews

Approved.  Chuck would say Bergy but with the season the Hawks had, seeing one of their lead offensive players (T-1st in team goals, 2nd in points) also be their best defensive forward is especially impressive.  Why work that hard when you’re winning all the time anyway?  Because it’s a huge part of how you win all the time.

Lady Byng/Sportsmanship – Marty St. Louis

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SQUISHY!!  He’s 38 today.  It’s easy to assume Squishy wins this award (almost) every year because he’s small.  Not true.  Brad Marchand is small.  You with me?  St. Louis also lead the NHL in points – at 37, he was the oldest player to ever do this.  Score that much and be nice about it? Our moms are so proud.

Vezina/Best Goaltender – Segei Bobrovsky

In a world where Bobrovsky was traded and now the Flyers will buyout Bryzgalov’s monster contract, are you laughing a little?  I’m laughing.  I also applaud Bob’s gutsy choice of suit and tie.  Gotta be sauve when you’re up against King Henrik.

Norris/Best Defenseman – PK Subban

I know voting only takes regular season into account, but if this went to Kris Letang after the Pens’ playoffs even I would have been ashamed.  Maybe next year, Tanger.  Maybe you need a ponytail holder.  I don’t like Subban but I’d like him if he were on my team.  All those chin-ups with the 100 lb. of extra weight have paid off.

Calder/Best Rookie – Jonathan Huberdeau

I saw maybe 3 Panthers games all year and Huberdeau scored in all of them so I’m on board with this.  Jon also has the appropriately wry jawline and poufy hair potential to replace Matt Smith as Doctor Who, if they could tape only in summer.

Lindsay/Most Outstanding Player (by NHLPA) – Sidney Crosby

Being voted Most Outstanding by fellow players in pretty great.  Sid would rather have the Cup, the Richard, the Hart… but this award is this season for Sid, especially with his injury.  I’m not going to gush.  Just sum up my feelings with the time Sid went to a Justin Beiber concert in the same week I went to a Justin Beiber concert.  I love everything.  Hold it together, girls.

Side note: The title of this post does not endorse the Nelly remix of Florida Georgia Line’s song.  Yes I admitted to Bieber but even I have standards.