I can never, EVER unsee this.

Ever.

The faux-show promises to be pretty delightful and awkward – which is pretty much the mantra of this blog.

Two of the things we love most in the world.

Put them together and let the seal-clapping and squeeeeeing commence.

The Boston Bruins released their own 2014 calendar – just in time for the holiday season, natch – and here are some of the highlights

I have no idea what is going on with Johnny’s shirt but honestly I really don’t care.  Because his face. And the fluffy puppy face. That dog looks as happy as I would be to have Johnny’s arm wrapped around me.

Things I love about this photo: Brad Marchand’s Sweater.  The dog’s name.  Great name for a dog.  If I ever get a dog, I am doing to name him Han Solo.  Or Lando Calrissian.  Either one would work.

Continuing with the Star Wars theme, next we have Iggy with his dog, Onja aka Yoda.  Yoda is killing it with those ears.  She might be carrying a little extra weight around the middle but let’s face it – it is friggin’ cold in Calgary.

How cute of a pair to Kelly and Mama Celeste make?  It doesn’t even matter that she is named after a microwaveable pizza! She’s adorable.  And Kelly holding on to her so gently is just precious.  Because you know at any minute she is going to jump out his arms and go skidding across the ice on those wee tiny paws of hers.

I want to take Roscoe home with me right now and rename him Han Solo and love him and squeeze him and pet him.  Oh and his picture also features Milan Lucic.  Who apparently went to the James Neal School of Awkward Dog Holding.

So much going on with this photo.  Despite the horribly unphotogenic background, I kind love this picture. You know how they say that dogs and their owners start to resemble each other?  Ladies and Gentleman – there is your proof right there.

Wiggles? Bubbles Lollipop? I can’t. Seriously, Wiggles.  He (she?) is werking it.  Smizing.  Fierce. Because I can’t for the life of me imagine Dennis “Der Hammer” Seidenberg actually naming his dogs this, so I’m going to assume that his children named them.  Or perhaps there is a softer, gentler side of Seids we don’t yet know about.

That sound you hear is my roommate @sailingfoodie collapsing on the floor and dying.  She is OBSESSED with bulldogs and spends hours creating a plan on how she would get her hypothetical dog up to our 3rd floor apartment.  (We were going to rig a rope & pulley system from our living room window and pull the dog up in a bucket, in case you were wondering.)

While Zorro’s cuteness is undeniable, the real winner in this photo is Gregory Campbell.  He’s one of the foxier Bruins and after that whole playing-on-a-broken-leg thing, he’s an out-right legend.

Of course they take the photo in front of the Bunker Hill Monument.  Because if there was anyone who would be from Charlestown, it would be Shawn Thornton.  You’ve seen The Town, right?  You can’t tell me that he wouldn’t have fit in perfectly as a bank-robbing extra.  Clearly, the greyhound must be his wife’s and the other is his.  Because there is no way that a guy like that has a little dog.

WEE LITTLE PUPPY!  TUUUUUUKKKKKKAAAA!  If he’d have put that hot dog dog actually in his goalie mitt, there would have been a nuclear cute-splosion and I would be writing this post from some desolate radioactive wasteland. Also, did you see the dog’s name?  Wishful thinking, little buddy, but I applaud your ambition.

Lola is adorable but there is just not enough juxtaposition in this photo.  Chara needs a smaller dog – like a Pomeranian.  Or a Maltese.  Can you imagine?  Just look at Chara.  He can’t even fit in the seats.  Sort of like me at a Red Sox game. #tallpeopleproblems

Not to be out done, even the Bruins management and coaching staff got in on the fun.

Bosco looks like a dog that Neely would have.  Big. Strong. Devastatingly handsome.

Peter Chiarelli and his pugs!  Butterballers!

Sadly no Patrice Bergeron, but I’m sort of glad for that.  Because if there was a photo of Patrice, wearing a sweater, holding a puppy…I’m not sure that I could have handled it.

Bruins’ 2014 Calendar is $20 + S&H and can be ordered here.

Big, huge, mega thank you to @lilfish77 for scanning these! 

Granted it was against the Carolina Hurricanes, who are taking a long ride on the struggle bus, but the effort was the Bruins’ most consistent of the season and they were rewarded with a 4-1 victory on the road.  Bruins were 0-3 on the road after starting the season 4-0.

Bruins forwards were working hard, creating opportunities, and running the Canes’ defense around. Two of the four Bruins goals came from defensemen, including Johnny Boychuk’s rocket, his first goal in 3, 586 games.  Okay, so not THAT many games but it has been a while since JB55 put on past the goalie.

Especially positive was the play of Soderberg/Kelly/Smith line.   Soderberg and Smith each had a goal and an assist.  This line seems to be finding some mojo as evidence by their nifty, quick passing in the offensive zone and it looks like Soderberg’s looooong road to the NHL might have been worth the journey.

Originally drafted by the Blues in the 2004 Entry Draft, this season will be the first full season for the 28-year-old Swede.  He’s got 8 points in 14 games and did we mention that he’s Swedish?

Marchand started on the 3rd line but by late in the 2nd period was taking shifts on the 4th line. Since the summer and his break-up with Seguin, he just hasn’t been quite the player that we expected.  Perhaps he spend too much time downing pints of ice cream, while listening to Sade and looking at photos of his lost love on his iPhone.

Sad Marchand.

After the game, Bruins had to jump on a plane to NYC where they’ll take on the Rangers tonight.  If I had to wager a guess, I think that Caron will be back in the line up, along with Thornton, with Marchy taking in the game from the press box.

Wonder if the popcorn at MSG is any good….

Pants won.

You know who didn’t win?  (I mean besides me and the Bruins, of course.)

Johnny Boychuk and Joe Vitale

At 6:45 of the 3rd period, Boychuk collided awkwardly with Arron Asham and crumpled to the ice.

I screamed “Boychuuuuuuuuuuuukkkkkkkkkkkkk Nooooooooooooooooo.”  Immediate *facepalm*  It did not look good.

He ended up leaving the ice, placing no weight on his left leg, his arms draped over the shoulders of his teammates, Chris Kelly and Brian Rolston.  After the game, he was seen limping from the locker room and will most likely be reevaluated today.

Fingers (and toes) crossed that the injury isn’t as serious at it looks.  The Bruins defence is already sans Darth Quaider (whose mullet is looking even more ridiculous nowadays and I love it) and the potential of losing our #3 defenceman is not something I really want to think about with the playoffs just around the corner.  Boych has a dominating presence on the Bs blueline, is the team’s hardest hitter, and has a wikkid slappa.  Luckily, the Bruins have some depth at defense, so we might be okay.

And then we have Joe Vitale – he of Northeastern Hockey and Foxy Friday fame.

Usually, all sorts of good things happen for our Foxy Fridays.  It is like a little good luck charm.

Well, not so much for Mr. Vitale last night.

He took a Zdeno Chara slapshot to the face.  A ZDENO CHARA SLAPSHOT TO THE FACE! 

Everyone in the world screams “NOT THE FACE”! Everybody *facepalms*.

This is a story that Vitale will tell to his grandchildren, after bribing them to listen to him with Werther’s Originals.

 “See this scar here?  One time, kids, there was a great bear of man.  His name was Chara.   He was the biggest man I’d ever seen.  He shot a puck 100 miles an hour.  I stopped it with my face.  And I’m alive today to tell you this story.”

No word yet on the severity of his injury, but we’re pretty sure that our stash of Muppet bandaids aren’t going to be enough.

In other game news…

Sidney Crosby scored two goals.  He’s the best player in the game…blah blah blah.

Kris Letang looked like the Italian soccer team with all that diving and flopping.  Even Pants agrees with me that it was a bad penalty call on Rich Peverley.  Sure the stick got a little high, but Letang whipped that hair back like he was Willow Smith.

Beniot Pouliot scored his 15th goal of the season…and it was, like, really pretty.   That was his 31st point of the season, which is a career high.

Andrew Ference RAGED against the goal machine that is James Neal.  One of the best moments of the game, for sure.

And that would have been a real shame.

Rask, McQuaid, Boychuk, and Marchand channel their inner Hansel.

Darth Quiader and Tuuuuukkkkkaaa showing us all why we should cast them in the remake of “Newsies”

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

How much you want to bet Seguin has a matching fedora?  They are in a serious bromance, after all.

He's got the swag sauce. So he dripping swag goo.

Hello Johnny Boychuk.  You be looking all sort of right.  Call me.

What the Warblers would wear if they were hockey players. And not in high school. And not a glee club.

Photos by Conor Doherty from the Improper Bostonian 

Is this really happening?  Is the team that I’ve rooted for and cheered for all season really in the Stanley Cup Finals?

Hell ya, they are!

Bruins and Canucks will face off at 8pm EST in Game 1 of the 2011 Stanley Cup Finals.  I’m supposed to have grad class until 8pm but I’m totally planning on having to “go to the bathroom” and racing home (as much as one can race on public transportation) to watch the game.  I was invited to a meetup of Canadian ex-pats in Boston to watch the game, but they’ll all be cheering for the Canucks and I don’t know if I can handle that…

There has been a lot of media coverage of the SCF here in Boston (natch) and with that comes some awesome photos and screen caps of our most favorite Bruins players.  I only felt is was far to share them with our loyal readers because regardless of your personal hockey affiliation,  you understand the magnitude of the Stanley Cup Finals and what it means to the Canucks and Bruins hockey fans everywhere.

Plus their beards and faces are awesome.  See evidence below.

You’re welcome.

GO BRUINS!

Hi-fives for everyone!

Click, Click, Click...BOOM!

"I once caught a Canuck aboot this...big..."

Learning about the elusive creature known as the...Power Play Goal.

Still pondering just how in the world he made that save on Steve Downie...

Krecji looking all kinds of Euro

.:love:.

I already got my name on the Stanley Cup...what about you?

Teen Wolf like shiny cup.

Notice who's on the wall behind him. *good omen*

"I am Darth Quaider. You will fear me...and my mullet"

Czech me out, ladies.

Why hello there, Boych. Don't you look foxy. P.S. Your profile is *swoon*

The Professor has tenure with the Bruins. 7 years. He's only 25.

Anyone knows that hockey players are notorious for taking a puck to the face, maybe losing a few teeth, getting stitched up and getting back on the ice without missing a shift and kudos to Johnny for trying to stick it out for the rest of the game.  But it turns out that having your ulna cracked in two sort of messes with your game, especially that whole gripping-the-stick-and-shooting-the-puck thing.

Today at practice, Johnny had the chance to talk to the press.  Watch this video.  Trust me.  It’s adorable.

So there are so many things I LOVE about this video – his beanie, the scruff, the surprising adorable Edmontonian accent.  Then of course, there are those unruly eyebrows that frame his baby blues and the fact that he wants to get a green cast (why not a black and yellow one, Johnny?) But what makes this video so endearing is that you can tell that he’s seriously disappointed that he can’t play.

Like totes seriously.  Sure, he might be joking and trying to play it cool on the outside but you know that on the inside, he is a sad panda bear.  He’s like a kid who finally built up the courage to ask the prettiest girl in his junior high to dance, but she said no, so he’s trying to play it all cool, when all he wants to do is run into the bathroom and cry.

So for the next four weeks, Johnny will be on the couch, probably eating Totino’s pizza rolls, watching re-runs of “Dirty Jobs.”  Let’s just hope and pray that he doesn’t spend it growing one of these…

Creepiest. Stache. Ever.

But today was different.

When I woke up, I had extra pep in my step.  Sure it could have been that the sun was finally peeking out after 3 days of non stop misery and rain.  Or maybe it was the fact that the long weekend is almost here.  But nay, it was something less entirely! It was….

NHL FACE-OFF 2010!!

Today marks the first day of the 2010-2011 NHL Hockey season and I think that I can speak for my fellow WUYS that we are totes excited.  Totes MaGoats Excited!  We’re sort of like Buddy the Elf when he finds out that Santa is coming. SANTA!!!

This season of promise kicks off with three games today:

• Carolina Hurricanes vs. Minnesota Wild (in Helsinki, Finland)
• Montreal Canadians vs. Toronto Maple Leafs
• the defending Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks vs. Colorado Avalanche
• Calgary Flames vs. Edmonton Oilers
• Sid the Kid and the Penguins vs.  Philadelphia Flyers

I think we all know where Pants will be for the Pens game.  If you live in the San Francisco area and hear screaming and screeching, don’t be alarmed.  Do not call the police.  It just because they showed a shirtless Sidney Crosby doing squats in his Reebok Zig sneakers.

Boston Bruins start their season on Saturday the first of two games versus the Phoenix Coyotes in lovely, historical Prague, but the first stop on their Eurotrip was Belfast, Northern Ireland.

Personally, I LOVE that the NHL is taking the game global, if for nothing else than more BOYCH MEETS WORLD episodes, feature B’s defenceman Johnny Boychuk, who might be the most adorable Edmonton, Albertonian EVER!  Plus I dig his last name.

This week’s episode
Boych Meets World: Belfast