The Penguins’ annual Skates & Plates event was held last night, where the players wait tables, raise funds for charity and try not to spill food on people.  (I’d take care of that myself in this company.)

On the Pens team, you can have one of two haircuts.  The Flow, which Orpik and Vitale are growing into behind the fearless, forever lead of Letang:

Or the Practical Dad, worn best while standing together in family portraits.

BSutts parts to the left, like he’s cooler.

Hahahano.

Here’s proof on an actual dad:

(see also: Tanner Glass)

And on a future hot dad:

Dammit, Sid.  I’m not complaining, but we were really into this Clark Kent thing you had going there for a minute:

Was it too much work?  Bangs under a helmet not that comfortable?  I know, look at Letang all the time and get itchy for a hair tie.

Glaringly Panic-Inducingly Potentially-Catastrophically Noticeably missing from this event was James Neal’s hair, and the rest of him.

Immediate reaction, in order, from Lindsay, me and Alison:

I’m Hodgins. What? He’s rich, okay?

Nealmobile skipped yesterday’s practice on a “maintenance day.”  So did Kunitz, but that Monchichi was delivering dessert at Skates & Plates.  Even Duper was there.  Bylsma said the status of Neal & Kunitz would be re-evaluated today, prior to the Pens home & home vs. Philly this weekend.

A note to James Neal: Lindsay, Alison and I will be at the game in Pittsburgh in 8 days, 2 hours and 46 minutes.  So you have that long to:

• get healthy
• grow out your beard

You got all that?

There is video and a full story, complete with Crosby making the day of some little girl and Borts’s strategy  for the most tips (Dear Alison, send money).  There’s also a rather abbreviated photo gallery.  Start saving for next year.

Huge thanks to @alisonsykora‘s mom Heidi, who took pictures of every page with her phone for us.  She likes James Neal the best because she’s a momgenius.

For safety, Sam overestimated the amount of room Sid needs to sit down.

Chuck Kobasew, come back to the lineup!

Matt D’Agostini’s in this year’s “Winter Look.”

Kunis and puppies and sweaters.

BSutts and Co. giving @alisonsykora the puppy eyes.

The closest to Raja that Aladdin could get.

These puppies match Geno’s outfit (and enthusiasm).

Joe Vitale and the tiniest little friend! Eeep!

Sassy and Neal. Yes, the dog is Sassy too.

Crosby is superstitious of black cats, so of course Duper has one.

Mario has one dog for each Stanley Cup.  He could handle more.

Hug it out, Rob Scuderi.

This is Nisky’s own dog. I’ll be over here, rolling around in my tears.

Get well soon, Beau. You’re too ridiculous to be without.

This scrappy little guy has Brooks’ eyes.

Disco Dogs

Also Flower’s own dogs.  And socks.

One last picture – a selfie:

Pants won.

You know who didn’t win?  (I mean besides me and the Bruins, of course.)

Johnny Boychuk and Joe Vitale

At 6:45 of the 3rd period, Boychuk collided awkwardly with Arron Asham and crumpled to the ice.

I screamed “Boychuuuuuuuuuuuukkkkkkkkkkkkk Nooooooooooooooooo.”  Immediate *facepalm*  It did not look good.

He ended up leaving the ice, placing no weight on his left leg, his arms draped over the shoulders of his teammates, Chris Kelly and Brian Rolston.  After the game, he was seen limping from the locker room and will most likely be reevaluated today.

Fingers (and toes) crossed that the injury isn’t as serious at it looks.  The Bruins defence is already sans Darth Quaider (whose mullet is looking even more ridiculous nowadays and I love it) and the potential of losing our #3 defenceman is not something I really want to think about with the playoffs just around the corner.  Boych has a dominating presence on the Bs blueline, is the team’s hardest hitter, and has a wikkid slappa.  Luckily, the Bruins have some depth at defense, so we might be okay.

And then we have Joe Vitale – he of Northeastern Hockey and Foxy Friday fame.

Usually, all sorts of good things happen for our Foxy Fridays.  It is like a little good luck charm.

Well, not so much for Mr. Vitale last night.

He took a Zdeno Chara slapshot to the face.  A ZDENO CHARA SLAPSHOT TO THE FACE! 

Everyone in the world screams “NOT THE FACE”! Everybody *facepalms*.

This is a story that Vitale will tell to his grandchildren, after bribing them to listen to him with Werther’s Originals.

 “See this scar here?  One time, kids, there was a great bear of man.  His name was Chara.   He was the biggest man I’d ever seen.  He shot a puck 100 miles an hour.  I stopped it with my face.  And I’m alive today to tell you this story.”

No word yet on the severity of his injury, but we’re pretty sure that our stash of Muppet bandaids aren’t going to be enough.

In other game news…

Sidney Crosby scored two goals.  He’s the best player in the game…blah blah blah.

Kris Letang looked like the Italian soccer team with all that diving and flopping.  Even Pants agrees with me that it was a bad penalty call on Rich Peverley.  Sure the stick got a little high, but Letang whipped that hair back like he was Willow Smith.

Beniot Pouliot scored his 15th goal of the season…and it was, like, really pretty.   That was his 31st point of the season, which is a career high.

Andrew Ference RAGED against the goal machine that is James Neal.  One of the best moments of the game, for sure.

26-year old Joe Vitale is from the Lou, and we assume he’s proud.  (That’s St. Louis for anyone who didn’t have kitchen dance parties with me and Chuck in 1999.)  He went to Northeastern University (hi Boston!) where he majored in journalist.  Joe, if you’re reading, we take guest bloggers.

Joe plays Center and has 2 G/4 A in 32 games this season.  His current contract runs through the end of this season.  Joe has two NHL fights, and according to HockeyFights.com, he won them both.  Here’s one vs. the Bruins where he takes his helmet off for you [link].

The Pens need to get more interviews for Joe, but based off this old one [link], his favorite movie is Pirates of the Caribbean, he loves the Beatles and he eats a banana before every game.  That’s kind of a weird superstition, and Joe knows it.