The Penguins have already found the perfect off-ice role for Pascal Dupuis: Team Dad. It would explain a lot about how attractive this team is. I mean, Potash’s Reba McEntire wig didn’t make this:

Is anything more 90’s than spray deodorant?

That’s a lot of fun for a team that can’t win a freaking game.

Actual photo of the NHL team standings

The Sharks, reigning kings of the Holiday Video, know how good they are. This year they’ve made it an event. Five behind-the-scenes videos a la VH1’s Behind the Music – three here, and two more yet to come (today and 12/24).

They are really committed to this – already nearly 8 minutes of content and not a smile cracked on camera. Well, except for mine when I saw Chuck’s #1 Dream Combination come true for a single, still second:

Objection. More 90’s than spray deodorant: Joe Thornton and *N Sync.

There is also a contest to win an appearance in their 2016 video. I love that they’re thinking about next year when we haven’t even see this year’s yet.

That #2 team in the NHL, the Capitals, chose to spoof A Christmas Story, and it’s glorious. [Video] They basically put glasses on everyone who could be improved by them.

Fa-ra-ra-ra-raaaaaah…

And those who couldn’t, well…

Does the Easter Bunny visit Russia?

The Flames went right for the low-hanging fruit: the ugly NHL Christmas sweater. They helpfully feature all five (!) of the Flames ugly sweater designs. (We feel you, Rover.) Chuck’s poor, beloved Dougie Hamilton wins/loses this one – that a lot of yellow even if he weren’t a ginger. Luckily, a cameo by Brandon Bollig’s abs make Christmas the day of giving all over again.

The Senators also broke out the ugly sweaters… sort of. How many hairstyles got made for these little LEGO guys?

Overall, that gets a meh. But the coach should definitely say “Karl” more often. I wasn’t sure he was talking to the only other guy in the scene.

The Canucks went to musical route but, unlike the Habs, left the heavy lifting to other people. Smart move. I may despise The Sound of Music and only understand 20% of the references here, but it’s well done.

And anytime a music video allows hockey players to break the Nick Carter Rule (no freestyle dancing, you dork), we are in.

Speaking of singing and, er, dancing, I’m just going to let the Blues video speak sing for itself.

Stick to what you’re good at, Blues. So, basically this (photo from @BedGear):

Alison printed this out and showed it to Santa.

Many teams that didn’t produce videos found other ways to spread holiday cheer. The Islanders did some toy shopping for delivery to a local hospital. The Blackhawks did a hospital visit, and the Wild too. I stopped counting after that. The Devils don’t have a video, but Adam Henrique still went out in search of another human that shares his affinity for elf culture.

Celebratory cheekbones

Did we miss any? We’d hate for Santa to leave anyone off his list! You know there’s something extra under the tree for anyone who embarrasses themselves for the sake of our entertainment.

Update: From the AHL’s Providence Bruins, here’s Max Talbot and Co. after raiding Henrique’s closet.

Bonus points for the matching tie.

Update #2, from Natalie: Not-team related, but we’ll post because Roman Josi can have our column whenever he wants it. Also, I require an explanation of these pants.

From @rjosi90

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, friends. May your days be merry and bright – and your nights full of your team earning points.

Every April, we wonder how we got here – if we got here – and panic. Prayers are said.  Shirts and jerseys are lined up to wear.  Post-traumatic stress resurfaces from last season.   And with all that comes something else, something glorious.

No, not the possibility of winning the Cup.  We’re talking about playoff beards!

2013 Beard of the Year Winner

Here’s a look around this year’s post-season hopefuls, starting with, well…

The Pens TV feature was offline yesterday because the Penguins’ servers are no match for James Neal’s Gingerbeard.

Already GLORIOUS.  Let me tell you James, since you obviously read this blog for tips on fixing your PR problems, the beard is A+.  Glasses too.  Plaid suits, yaaassss. Now keep your promises, don’t be a dirtbag and I may just remove your #futureexboyfriend status.

MAF however, has permission to remove this creation and begin again.

He looks like Kenneth Branaugh in Hamlet which is really just a gateway beard to Kenneth Branaugh in Wild Wild West.  And no one wants to be in Wild Wild West.

See also: Ryan Miller, Ringmaster

You know I love this disaster.  Crosby growing facial hair is like me singing karaoke – zero God-given talent, still goes on stage.  We both compensate with dance moves.

Thanks to modern medicine and some really tight workout shirts, we’re thrilled this gem of a beard will be appearing in our 2014 collection:

Flawless as he always is, Stammer’s beard fascinates because it’s so brown.  Mid-season he hardly appears to have eyebrows, such is his blondness, yet roll around the post-season and Simba starts working on his roar.

Since I mentioned Nealer, here’s Shawn Thornton for good measure.  This art installation began around April 4 and holds promise to become an impressive hedge maze.  Let’s everybody grow beards and nobody get suspended, yeah?

In news you knew was coming, Toews and Kane have been announced as ready to go for Chicago in Game 1 against St. Louis.

That’s right, Wolverine and his trusty sidekick, The Meerkat, ride again.

We’re pretty excited for the Avs to have a go in the playoffs, because we want to see if Gabe can grow a beard.  And we want Matt Duchene back… but mostly Gabe’s beard.  The Avs’ ad campaign asks #WhyNotUs?

Gabe Landeskog, Age 10

Probably #BecauseofthatMohawk, honestly.  But this is a new, sophisticated year.  They’re even hosting “Burgundy and Blue Week” and as much as we love hockey, that’ll be disappointing if it doesn’t involve wine and cheese.

And remember, Max Talbot is on the Avs!   Think he’ll give us one of these, like the good old days?  Probably scare the crap out of his new baby son, but teaching can never start too early.

He can compare it to that of fellow former Penguin Mike Rupp.  I miss this elf costume.

Another excting playoff debut is Jamie Benn.  We know Tyler can phase to Teen Wolf at a moment’s notice (hey, isn’t it Tuesday?), but Jamie’s babyface has never been to the post-season.  We’ve seen an AHL goatee and Movember Mustache, so there’s a beard waiting to happen.  Still we fear the jowl-centric permashadow:

Will again become this:

EGADS.  When we say “It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere,” Jamie, we do not mean that part of your face!  You’ve been on a roll lately (sidenoteBattingPracticesigh) – either go all the way or just keep shaving while gazing intently into the camera.

Does Dallas have a bandwagon? Because Imma need a ride.

TJ Oshie joined the Blues Beardathon campaign, so we’ll call his beard The American Dream.  The part of arch-nemesis will be played by Roman Polak.

Even if he could get 6 rounds like the Olympic shootout, TJs only chance at fuzz would still be to adopt a puppy at the end.

Joe Thornton has done the right thing – he’ll be starting fresh when the Sharks see the Kings on Thursday night.  This really gives new meaning to the term faceoff.  Let’s hope he and Brent Burns have planned A Race to Crazy.

April 9                                                                     April 12

The Kings are always regally bearded, but until Mike Richards can’t see past his nose to where Pierre Maguire is trying to groom him on a boardwalk, I find them boring.  Remember when Joaquin Phoenix went crazy, grew a beard and became a rapper (then it was all fake)?  That’s the kind of excitement I expect from LA beards.

Speaking of burly later-round possibilities, Henrik Zetterbeard is doing his best to get back into the Wings lineup.  He will practice today, and while he likely won’t be available for the first round, if the Wings get past Boston at least Chuck will have something to live for.

The Habs have Brandon Prust.  If no one else grows a beard (or if they do), we won’t even notice.

The last and final playoff match up is both my dream and nightmare: Rangers vs. Flyers.  Such drama.  I fantasize about them somehow both losing.  I invent elaborate food poisoning schemes.  I transport them off-world, I drop them into the bottom of the ocean in the end, I retract the ice and everyone falls into a pool of sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads.

Is that wrong?

Alas, I must endure.  I caught a hot second of Giroux flipping his hair while being awarded the Toyota Cup for most “Star of the Game” points the other night. Happy Gingers = Slight Weakness.  This beard though.

Even as an unhappy ginger, Scott Hartnell looked – dare I say it? – kind of nice while discussing his major penalty for spearing (subsequent $5k fine came later).

Okay, enough of that.  :: shudder ::

As for the Rangers, Rick Nash looks nice with a beard.  It can dry his tears.

(That wasn’t quite the last playoff matchup, but to the Blue Jackets, I say nothing except see you tomorrow.)

I can’t believe it’s this time of year again.  Are you guys doing okay?  My emotions are 50% excitement and 50% dread soaked in 100% Skittles-flavored vodka.  We’re thankful for beards help to lighten the mood because it’s about to go down.

For two solid weeks in February, you’re invited to our party.

Okay, it’s probably going to look more like this:

But the guest list is epic.  It’s  comprised of every Olympic snub – and there are some bold-faced names here.  To make sure our party lives up to the Russian’s, we’ve put our guests in charge of bringing a few key ingredients.  Consider it a gift registry without the wedding, and you don’t have to travel 16,000 miles to get to this reception.

Beer: Staal Brothers

It was a long shot for Jordan to make it, but we expected Eric to be defending Canada’s honor.  Since he can’t do it in Russia, he’ll make sure we do it here. They’ll book the jet they chartered home to Thunder Bay for Christmas, load it up and land it close.  Hope you guys like Labatts, Molson and sod because that’s all they’re bringing.

Liquor (except vodka): James Neal

Beer isn’t going to cut it for Nealmobile.  Neither, apparently, are more assists than Rick Nash has points, plus 16 goals, in fewer games.  Or better numbers since 2008.  No doubt James’ recent on-ice immaturity played a part, but growing up will have to come later.  For this we need to break out the (you thought I was going to say ‘big guns,’ right?) good stuff, skip the shot glasses and just go for it.  (He can bring his regular glasses, though.)

Vodka (and lots of it): Alex Semin

I don’t like Sasha – didn’t like him on the Caps, don’t care about him now – but getting left off the roster in your home country is awful.  Especially when he’s got a long history of representing Russia in international events.  Maybe it was due to his concussion earlier this season, but even I’ll drink to the fact it was a shame he got snubbed.  The Ovi & Sasha Reunion Show would’ve been a hit.

Games: Claude Giroux

Gingeroux thought he had this.  Normally the suffering of any Flyer makes me giddy as a Disney villain, but leaving him off Team Canada was just fickle and redheads are always welcome at our shindigs.  Based on his ability to play beer pong and cornhole with two casted, post-surgery wrists, we’re going to bet Colde can find a way to shoot around the pieces of his broken heart.  Heck, we’ll even crank the heat and make it #shirstoptional.

$5 Cover Charge: Intern Jeff Skinner

NHL’s First Star of the Week?  Good for 66.15 points to my fantasy team in just seven days, more than double what anyone else produced?  Hat tricks all over the place are awesome, but he’s still not getting in for free.

Fake IDs: #TeamEbs and #TeamHallsy

We know they’re both of age, but @amandalitty is bouncing and she just wants to know where #TeamHallsy lives, okay?  Plus we are not falling for that matching outfit, ‘No really, I’m Jordan Eberle’ trick that Nugent-Hopkins pulled the last time.

His phone: Jack Johnson

We’re prank calling Crosby all night – which will be 9 hours later there and he’ll probably answer until he blocks us and we leave amazing messages complete with singing.  These are the best kinds of messages.

Darkness: Brent Seabrook

Resident widow’s peak and most likely vampire, Seabs ain’t coming out till the sun goes down.  He slept all day, so he’s in charge of last call.

Selena Gomez CD: Logan Couture

This was his chance, you know?  Everyone watches the Olympics and there was bound to be a hockey clip during ice dancing, which people love once every 4 years.  If Logan could’ve been that highlight then Selena would have seen him and POW.  We’d be hired to promote their starring roles in The Cutting Edge 4: Ice Castles in the Ice coming out next Christmas.

His laptop: Bobby Ryan

Team USA’s biggest snub is in charge of Tweeting, Instagramming and live-blogging this party as it goes down.  Cats are allowed but absolutely nothing silver: no Coors Silver Bullet, no Patron Silver tequila, no games of quarters.

Not this shirt: Joe Thornton

The last time we partied like we were in college… well, we were in college.  We might have overlooked this shirt back then but the era of poor decision-making and Ed Hardy clothing has passed.   For heaven’s sake, there is a design on your jeans!  Give us your wallet, go tell Logan that Selena & Beiber are not back together and we’ll take care of this on Nordstrom.com.

Not any shirt: Victor Hedman

Does this party have a pool?  Victor Hedman is probably tan in February and we need a lifeguard – all these numbers that say Hedman should have been chosen make our heads swim.

Recycling Bags: Marty St. Louis

What the crap, right?  Marty may scowl disapprovingly at the pile of beer cans JStaal has crushed on his forehead, but that’s because he knows when the morning comes (or say, a 38th birthday), he’ll still be here showing these kids how it’s done.  Marty is the Last Dad Standing, so he’s on clean up.

UPDATE – Marshall: Tyler Seguin

How could I forget this?  All puppies are invited but especially if they bring Tyler Seguin.  And Tyler Seguin brings his dance moves.  (Thanks Jess!)

Jerseys, mittens, hats and flags: You 

Of course this hockey party will have hockey, and plenty of it, at all hours of the night and day.  If you saved vacation time, use it now.  While not all of our favorite players made it to Sochi, everyone from home to Russia will be supporting their country loudly and proudly.  And in some cases, other countries near their countries (maybe that’s just me).

If I didn’t pick your snubbed favorite, feel free to invite him.  We welcome anyone who brings snacks or is qualified to drive a Zamboni.

But:

While I can, I have to enjoy this.

Even this Instagram photo of gratuitous ginger has no power over me today.

Meanwhile in the West… remember the west?  Before they playoffs?  It seems like a hundred years since I’ve seen these teams, but they certainly remember how to win.

The Blues were undefeated until last night too, when the Sharks beat them to stay flawless – and mildly insane.  Admit it, the Sharks are crazy people.  In a good, wildly-bearded and foul-mouthed way.

So, how’s your team doing so far?  Still feeling the buzz off-season optimism, or is the sleepy, “this is going to hurt tomorrow” feeling starting to creep in early?

I feel good.  But that might still be about the Rangers and Flyers losing.

It’s so late-90’s Rob Thomas, if y’all were even alive back then.

Tazer got the shiner, of course, fighting Chuck’s LT boyfriend Joe Thornton on Friday.  I looked up from my computer, saw this going down on mute and threw my laptop across the room.  By the time I found the remote it was almost over, which is why Al Gore invented DVRs and rewinding.

Tazer’s scrapping so hard – even took a boarding call – that you know Thornton said something mean about Kaner.  Then Jon called him old.  Thornton dared Toews to grow half a beard.  Toews said ‘Win a Cup!’  Joey said he’d get something better than a lake named after him, then Jon threw off his earrings and press-on nails and went right after a bitch in the high school cafeteria.

Mind you, Joe Thornton doesn’t have a black eye because he won this fight.

.gif by michaeldelzotto.tumblr.com

At the 1:08 mark of this video, Thornton says, “He asked me to fight and I was kinda shocked, and I said ‘sure.'”  And he laughs, because it was pretty funny.

Toews didn’t make a fool of himself or anything – I’ve seen worse fights this week.  But Jon has 3 career fights (all losses/link) and Thornton has 26.  Of the last 15, Joey won 13, lost 1 (to Eric Lindros!) and had one draw.  He’s been around so long HockeyFights.com doesn’t even list winners back then.

I always like to see star players, especially captains, standing up for themselves.  The two have a history of rough stuff – a couple of head shots from Thornton were blamed for the belated concussion that sat Toews for 22 games last year.

That said, the Hawks have plenty of get up (what with their undefeated streak) and plenty of guys who’ll drop the gloves.  This was a pretty unnecessary risk.  When Patrick Kane starts being the smart one in this relationship [link], you need to pause.  Then save your sass for the scoreboard.

You can see the shiner in action here, as Toews talks about a fantastic Blackhawks veteran’s outreach program that’ll make you tear right up.

Side note: Auto-life-blog-ban for talking about Toews’ girlfriend, the lucky duck.  Not that you would, but save it for Tumblr.

And my Twitter feed:

Too much?  Not enough?  Keep scrolling for more cute.

Rangers, Flyers… it’s not the kids fault.

Parker Staal has his own Tumblr feed, thankyouverymuch.

Madison Quick could be our mascot. When she grows up, we have a feeling she’ll love being named after the mermaid from Splash!

This is Joe Thornton, in case you’re not Chuck.  She knows.

Baby skates.  Just stop it.

We have not seen a picture of Baby Letang yet, but rumor has it Marc-Andre Fleury and his wife are expecting.  Milan Lucic and his wife of the sparkly high heels are having a baby this winter too.  Happy holidays, everyone!!

That is what separates me from Rick Nash.

While I am left here to wallow in my ever increasing depression over the state of the NHL, Rick is over in Switzerland just having a grand ole time.

He’s climbing the Alps and making snowmen with Joe Thornton.

He’s looking impossibly adorable in a ridiculous uniform.  What is that logo on his hockey pants?  Is that the castle from Super Mario Brothers?

Power up!

He’s scoring hat tricks. Like a boss.

He’s rocking some flow that makes me feel all those feels.

Come back, NHL. Come back, Rick Nash.

I miss you.

April 19, 2012 –This early in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, beards are like second-round berths and regulation wins – shiny hopes and dreams. It’s barely Week 2 and, at best, most players are sporting only peach fuzz or the beard equivalent of an off-season weekend bender.

Some have already grown all they’ll ever manage.

But a few prime specimens have begun to emerge as top contenders for the coveted Beard of the Year award. Can they go all the way? Or will they be forced, defeated and follicle-free, to the back nine before they have reached their full potential?

Read the rest [here]

Joey’s jealous because Chuck never made him a Foxy Friday.  Jon was rubbing it in, so Ryane Clowe came over to represent.

Tazer has two career fights, and he lost them both.  He’s a beast but I’m going to say that fighting Jumbo Joe (24 NHL fights, we’re he’s old) or Ryan(e) (50 NHL fights, including 12 last year) would not be a good idea.  Stitches in your lip are sexy once, Frankentoews.  But feel free to get angry because the Hawks have lost four in a row and still have five games left on this trip.

And since I missed wishing everyone Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays – I’ll let my man Kris Letang who’s been MIA lately do it for me and a couple of other dudes in santa hats. Enjoy!

Oy! so many penguins ....

shirtless as usual

It all started in 1997…

With the #1 pick, the Bruins select....Big Bird.

Just ask Pants.  She knows ALL about it.

The mop top.

The sesame bagel incident.

The white-boy dancing to “Brickhouse” by the Commodores.

Me and Jumbo go way back.

The other night, Joe was honored by his current team, the San Jose Sharks, for the awesome accomplishment of playing in his 1,000th NHL game.

There was a requisite love-fest before their game vs. the Penguins, with the applause, whistles, and well deserved cheers. Joe and his family were there – including what I can only assume is his brother who happens to have THE MOST GLORIOUS BEARD EVAH!

Want to touch.

Seriously!  Look at that thing.  I’m obsessed with it.

It looks soft.

But the really presh image of the whole thing was this one…

I'm bored. Where's my binkie?

So adorbs that I can’t even stand it.  She’s killing it with that side ponytail.

Guys with babies is always cute.

Hockey players with babies…and I’m spent.

Well, my Sieves, your wish is granted…

Foxy Friday Honoree - Ryane Clowe

Now that you won’t be able to get this song out of your head, it’s the battle of the Super Twins, Count Von Count-anyone-can-do-this-job VS. Jumbo Scrimp (Oxy-Maroon), I’m-still -Cryin’ Patty Mar-where’s-the-loo and Logan Haute-Couture. Who will win the West-Coast Battle for the Cup? I called Vancouver in the Wayback Machine.

capt vs capt (i think it's henrik - who knows for sure!)

On the East Coast we got the Not-so-Jolly-Yellow-Giant Chara, Sir Thomas-the-Tank-Engine and i-blow-pucks-out-my-ass-for-goals-bergeron VS stampeding Stammers, Little-Man Louis and Bat-shit-crazy-face-sort-of-hot-in-a-weird-way-guy-the-butcher. I called neither of these and would have never dreamed of either of these but in reverse psychology and covering my bases. I’m going with Tampa Bay and if they win, I’ll be glad and say I called it. If they lose, I’ll say I helped Boston because every team I pick, loses! So either way, I’m covered! Sound practice!

Last night was the 2nd OT game of this round for San Jose/Detroit, and the 5th OT game San Jose has played in these playoffs.  They’ve won all 5.  That’s impressive.  Ghetto Sushi had the hattie last night to make sure it stung.

What is with this 3-0 leads and overtimes?  It’s like someone infused the NHL Playoffs with a little Bravo-style reality TV drama.  If ever a team could come back, it’s Detroit.  If ever a team could give it up, it’s San Jose.  But could this be it, the magical year when Chuck’s lifetime of Joe Thornton devotion pays off and they actually make it really far in the playoffs?

So much good, undone by that shirt.

I’m not rooting for the Sharks, despite being my almost-hometown team for 4 years.  The free jersey and perfectly coordinated teal nail polish are staying away.  I’m cursed like the Titanic and I refuse to take any more teams down with me.

San Jose won the first game 2-1 in OT and the second 2-1 in regulation.  Everyone’s got two assists: Rookie of My Life Logan Couture, Foxy Friday Ryan(e) Clow(e) and ASG prank mastermind Danny Boyle.

I don’t want to get ahead of myself.  These games are all nail-biters and no one makes me more nervous than Detroit.  This is just to keep the boys going.  Jumbo Joe is out to remind Chuck that back in ’97 she was swooning over his blond curls and Dunkin’ Donuts commercials.  He wants her to Feel the Teal.  (Okay sorry, that’s a terrible slogan.)

If there’s anyone we’d like to see go down it’s Detroit.  If there’s anyone who will make us eat our words and send their over-40s to shut us up, it’s Detroit.  So play on – Game 3 Wed at 5 PM PT.

I feel your pain.

I really do. I was there last year. My caps went out in the first round. This was me last year. But I lived through it. And you will too.

I'm serious. Wipe the F*** chocolate off your face and get up! YES - YOU!

You are better than this and your men need you. Maybe not your team but there are others out there in the trenches fighting, that need adopting temporarily at least until the end of the season. And this is YOUR SPORT. This is Hockey and a drought is coming – need I remind you? SUMMER … NO HOCKEY? At all? So pull yourself together, go back through the blog and pick a team, a man, SOMEONE, adopt-a-man, adopt-a-cause – put a stamp on it and make it YOURS and work it sister. Because come June, we are all going to look like the above so no getting a jump on things now!

Five reasons you should ADOPT-A MAN-CAUSE-ANYTHING-RIGHT-NOW-FOR-THE-LOVE-OF-HOCKEY:

1. What else do you have going on? I mean really? Seriously. Tell us. Because we would know. NOTHING. Huh. So? what are you waiting for? If you need suggestions. We have some.

2. There are some very ELIGIBLE men available for ADOPTION. Shea Weber. Mike Fisher. The Sedin Twins. No, I am not joking here. They have an awesome sense of humor and mad skills. Joe Thornton. Patrick Marleau. Oh god did I just write that? Tim Thomas. Henrik Zetterberg. Mike Modano. Brian Boucher. Milan Lucic. Andrej Meszaros. Martin St. Louis. Steven Stamkos. Mike Green. See, I’m not even asking you to support you-know- who because I know you will from the closet and that’s OK!

how could you not support this?

3. THERE IS NO CRYING IN HOCKEY. EVER. Except if you’re Sean Avery and really, do you want to join that club? Screaming, breaking things, punching objects and being sad pandas, OK. We except that.

we'll even give you a cyber-hug.

4. If you ‘accidentally run into’ and by ‘accidentally’ I mean ‘accidentally on purpose stalking them’ –  say, Kris Letang or MAX TALBOT or Jonathan Toews, do you really want a badunkadunk butt or muffin top (even though that’s the best part of the muffin!) from all the chocolate, bon bons and cupcakes you ate? Wouldn’t you want to be in your fabulous best shape EVER?!

well hello there, come here often? wanna see MY stanley cups?

5. IT’S HOCKEY. YOU LOVE IT. WE LOVE IT. IT’S NOT OVER – YET. YOU ARE NOT A QUITTER. WE BELIEVE.

So let's kiss, make up and move on!

And lastly, whether we all like it or not, as Sean Connery said in HIGHLANDER, “There can be only one.”

my what fancy wear and BTW - pants LOVES your hat!

but i'm not a crier.

Here is a post-game interview with Ryane Clowe – no wonder he keeps scoring – boy is CRAZY!

As for me, you play as a team, you lose as a team. Pull it together boys, or I’ll be eating Fatburgers and drinking Diet Cokes watching the Caps play for the Stanley Cup on Drew’s lap. Which, come to think of it, isn’t all the unappealing!

after game day loss hang-over - i'm taking a bubble bath

My response: I have been telling you this FOR YEARS.

And then, because truth is better than fiction, this:

Not because I wish I were Canadian.  Not even because Crosby is my favorite player on my favorite team.  Just because, as everyone realized for a few short days, hockey is awesome.

Maybe I’m a terrible American for how much I wanted this.  The US fought their hearts out, but this was the right ending for the story.  Just like our favorite Miracle on Ice story, sometimes fairy tales come true.

All the WUYS faves: Crosby, Iggy, Joey, Nash-ty, EStaal, TGB Doughty, Weber plus Old Man Neidermayer and Toews isn't even derping in the top corner.

On a not-so-side note, I feel this is also the opportunity to just put this out into the universe and hope someone is listening:  come back soon.  We miss you, the Pens miss you, heck I think even Dawn misses hating on you.   Today TSN read a roster of 40 players currently out with concussions (40!).  I held my breath hoping they weren’t going to say your name, that maybe you were surprising us all.  But there you were, almost last on the list.  It feels wrong to chase the Cup without you.

Capitals @ Rangers – How much does Mike Green really love us?  Enough to get his 5th goal in 5 games AND punch Sean Avery in the face? If that happens, we’re changing the name of this blog to ‘What’s Up, Mike Green?’  Dawn says something about Ovechkin having 10 points in 6 games but I can’t hear her over the sound of these pants:

I shall call him Patches.

Flames @ Avalanche – Alex Tanguay and I care that he’s playing in Colorado, no one else does.  The Avs will have two rookie defensemen from BU on the ice – Kevin Shattenkirk and Colby Cohen.

Oilers @ Hurricanes – Remember when these two played to 7 games for the Cup in ‘o6?  I had been living on the beach in Thailand for 5 months and was like, “Who the hell are the Hurricanes?”  Gratuitous video of EStaaaaaaaaaaaal talking about his butt.

We're all thinking about it.

Maple Leafs @ Tampa Bay – Game canceled in favor of field trip to the Yuengling brewery and nearby Busch Gardens theme park.  Way more fun.  Steven Stamkos gets to drive the safari truck because he’s got the required 2.75 million goals.

Canucks @ Canadiens – Vancouver’s won 6 in a row and we hate the Habs.  We’d only watch this game if Justin Bieber repeated his World Series performance during every TV timeout.  Maybe not even then.

Actual size.

Thrashers @ Senators – Why no good Carrie Underwood sightings yet?  She can sing at the Super Bowl, but maybe she doesn’t know the words to the Canadien anthem?

Ducks @ Sharks – Anaheim is especially embarrassed to the the Ducks in a match up like this.  Thornton serves the 2nd game of his supsension for Thursday’s hit to STL’s David Perron.  You make the call – clean hit? Is it Thornton’s fault he’s 4″ taller?