jeremy roenick – What's Up, Ya Sieve?

ALL the Bubble Wrap!

Pants — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 16:39:18 +0000

Kris Letang took a hit to the head last night and left the Pens game in the first with an “upper body injury.”

Immediately, commentators began fighting. Some say Letang put himself in a vulnerable position. Others are calling for Eric Nystrom’s suspension. EJ Hradek of NHL Network says:

ESPN’s (former Foxy Friday) John Buccigross disagrees:

By far the best was Milbury and Jeremy Roenick about to take off their earrings and start slapping each other. (Props to Milbury – WHAT?!?!? I know. – for recommending Bylsma tell Pierre to “take off, eh?” for being a tool.) See the video at Deadspin.com [link].

Disco Dan says Kris is “day-to-day” at this point. After the non-committal injury descriptions in hockey, I think DTD is my favorite un-phrase.

As you know (because you counted the days till he was back), Letang missed nearly two months this season after suffering a concussion on November 26. The hit earned Montreal’s Max Paccioretty a 3-game ban, even though the Pens cleared Letang and he returned to play. Almost a week of continuing symptoms later, Kris was finally diagnosed with a concussion.

Gratuitous hair photo.

Since returning to the ice, Kris has been the same BAMF that earned him the most write-in votes of any NHL’er for the 2011 All-Star Game and a spot on that starting lineup. He has 9G/22A on the year, and is credited with raising the game of his d-partner Paul Martin (who is not James Neal’s girlfriend).

Gratuitous perfection photo.

The NHL has not announced if Nystrom will have a hearing. So what’s your verdict? Shanabanned or no? Maybe the NHL could introduce a new system of punishment here – using the fans. If hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, you should see how she reacts when you take away her Letang.

This Week's Play-Offs Are Brought To You By The Letter "D".

dawncherrie — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 08:29:56 +0000

I sent our intern Jeff Skinner to interview JR for some play off wisdom, since there is still a restraining order out against me!

I know what you’re thinking, I’m going to pull the obvious word out my butt, but not yet. I’ll get to Letang and dreamy Mike Green and someone else in a second. But first up, Jeremy Roenick has been harping on the first word, DISCIPLINE. Coming from JR, it conjures a couple of thoughts because we all know and love the great JR.

Ah .. not that "D" ut JR is your reading...

OK. lost my train of thought, DISCIPLINE, yeah. That means not taking bad penalties, sticking to the game plan, not letting the other guy lure you into a fight (Drew – see another “D” that’s actually a two-fer) so the other team scores two goals while your fabulous ass is sitting in the penalty box or get into your head – oh say, Luongo, while you give snotty interviews after the game. I never had much respect for you in the first place, but I’m glad you showed the world what a class act you are when you give an interview telling everyone that your back-up is just as you good as you! SRSLY? Patrick Roy would NEVER had said that. In fact, when his team was down, he told them not another puck would get in, and it didn’t.

Capt. Come-Back!

And that brings me to DESIRE. If you don’t have any, it will show (Luongo). As much as I may not like Capt. Serious, he certainly has it in spades as well as all the Blackhawks. So do a couple of other teams who’ve come back from major deficits to make a real go in the play-offs – Boston and Tampa Bay to name a few. You just can’t get wrapped so tight that you can’t see straight. As Obi-Won Kenobi said, “Use the force, Luke.” He didn’t mean, “Bend and Snap!” That’s for us!

WUYS play-off dance routine! Get ready girls. I feel a flash mob at Letang's house!

And what eventually wins Lord Stanley’s Cup? DEFENSE as the Capitals are finding out. That’s where all the hotties are from Letang, Green and Doughty. Two of the three are still into it win it. The last, I’ll be sitting on his lap, feeding him 4X4’s from In-N-Out Burger and sipping Diet Cokes.

DD - double defensive threat but needs some 'discipline'! naughty boy!

MG52 - patron saint of sensible footwear - at least in public!

for once, i'm not looking at his face!

Lastly, making the DREAM come true. How many of these guys have dreamt of holding the cup over their head? From backyard ponds, streets, local rinks, with their friends, brothers. Making their sisters play goalie as they pretend to re-create iconic goals from past Stanley Cup play-offs as they dream of being Gretzsky or Orr or May making ‘the goal’ and then running around the neighborhood.

This Is How Much I Love Drew Doughty And The LA Kings!

dawncherrie — Sun, 17 Apr 2011 17:45:35 +0000

Move over Sidney, Dawn's got a new use for your dryer!

Unfortunately Robot Chicken won’t let you upload the clip so you have to follow the (link) but it was Drew Doughty ALL NIGHT LONG! Chang- Ching!

I couldn’t stand it last night! If the puck was anywhere near Drew it went in! He was the second star in the NHL behind Pavel Datsyuk; he tied the franchise record with an Amaze-balls 4 points – and he tied himself from last year and Paul Coffey. Dude – HE IS NOT ONLY TOUCHED BY GOD – HE IS A HOCKEY GOD!

With Kopitar AND Jarret Stoll out, The LA Kings still Whipped Their Hair and the Sharks to shut out them out with an astonishing 4-0 score in their own back yard. WHAT THE …?

Even the SJ announcer was talking about your five hole even though he meant Quick!

My favorite snap of the night? JR calling out Patrick Marleau on Versus. If this is all that ever happens it will be enough because the Kings played like a team that deserved to be there. But I hope they keep it up – upsets are always awesome.

BOTB: That Was All a Bad Dream Episode

dawncherrie — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 05:41:04 +0000

You remember in the 80’s when TV writers didn’t know how to end the big cliff hanger episode on Dallas or Moonlighting so they did the Ol’ have Maddy and Bruce get together – something you’ve been waiting for, like forevs, only to be sucker punched like Avery, to find out Maddy was having a bad case of od’ing on Midol and it was all a PMS dream? Well welcome to this week’s episode of BOTB!

Back when Bruce was hot.

It opened with Kurt teaching Ron how to figure skate … yes, you heard me. Talk about being a toe pick tease. Kurt even made a reference about Ron ‘coming out of the figure skating closet’. I’m telling you, I had my popcorn ready for a full on make out session – but no. After weeks of being teased, it STILL DIDN’T HAPPEN. You know why? Because Ron’s real life metro-sexual life partner was this week’s guest judge – MY HOCKEY HUSBAND – the great DONALD S. CHERRY – let the true goo-goo eyes begin as Ron breathlessly whispers ‘Grapes’ and all sorts other sweet nicknames they must call each in the throes of passion between HNIC commercial breaks.

Grapes and Ronny-Poo

But the REAL hilarity ensued with the super-sweet flashback to JR’s ‘childhood’ when Grapes and Ronny-poo visited JR’s parents 20 years ago to watch JR play in the Stanley cup finals at their house. With JR’s adorable Dad in his red sweat pants showing Grapes JR’s various trophies. Grapes has to comment about how “That’s not a very big trophy for being the highest scorer.” Really Grapes? Is Ron’s ‘trophy’ bigger? You realize JR was just a kid? Is that legal in Canada? You know, for an old man you only played ONE GAME IN THE NHL. He is really an ASS – you heard me. Many people do not realize this old goat only played ONE GAME IN THE NHL.

Anyway, fast forward to JR cowering in the corner like he just had a really bad acid flash back or was banging his head against the table while that video was being shown. Not sure which or maybe it was both. May explain a little more about JR. Now mind you, this all happened before the first commercial break!

It was “Men’s night”. Yes, and don’t ask me to explain because I still have no real idea what that meant except that each dude had to skate for 30 seconds solo. For Ron and Grapes, I imagine that is too long for either of them at their age to sustain anything and I will just leave it at that.

I am Man.. hear me roar.

So how was the skating? Well, Patrice the boring frenchman tripped several times and yet, the judges gave him a pass. Kelly actually manage to pull off something that resembled skating for once and instead of viagra induced fist pumps, we got finger stabbing at the camera. Todd is looking more and more like Cesare Romero from the original BATMAN TV series and his skating was blah. Val, oh Val. He had a very small fall. Not at all as noticeable as the tripping frenchman but again, because Canadians hate Russians, he was severely punished and slammed for it. Grapes even makes a comment about not knowing that Russians could be ‘that good in the corners’ and starts rambling on about how much better Val’s brother was than him and too bad he’s retired because Calgary could use him now. WOW! I bet the Sutter brothers are happy about that slam on national TV!

Hey Calgary, I'm hot and available and good in the corners!

Thank God as I mentioned it was all a bad dream because even though ValKat was in the skate off against Kelly, they will be in the FINALLY next week. And yes, I misspelled that on purpose.

BOTB: All JR All The Time

dawncherrie — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 05:16:31 +0000

Canada should just rename this “The Jeremy Roenick Show” because he is the only reason to watch. While it was Halloween, Jeremy showed up as a ‘vampire/frankenstein’ which really looked like he was in drag which really looked like just another excuse for him to wear women’s underwear and grinned like he had a secret that we all really knew anyway but were just humoring him. Of course the usual jokes ensued about it being JR’s normal face etc. ha ha ha – NOT.

Just another day for JR!

Curtis Joseph was the guest judge. Wait for it … yes, another sad attempt for Halloween humor from our friends up north – Cujo – get it, Stephen King – Cujo – Guest Judge – Halloween – Scary – Get it? Am I done? No, I wish I was because we should have turned this into a drinking contest for every time they mentioned this and JR’s face in this hour program – Now THAT would have been fun! Mr. Cherrie and I do that when we watch Capital Games and they mention the Hershey Bears.

Yes, you may have noticed I haven’t even mentioned any of the skating programs, that’s because they all pretty much sucked, and not in the cool, vampire, sexy – I heart Robert Pattinson – I want him to bite me – kind of way. They sucked in the – that is why they were voted off and should no longer be participating – I want to stab myself multiple times to make the pain of watching this bearable – I wish I was watching anything else – even that sucky – Vampires Suck- movie kind of way.

So I will stake this post and show more mercy than I received having to wade through this nightmare and tell you that the worst possible out come happened: Patrice – I have absolutely no personality – and his skating skank Shae Lynn who were voted off last week – were re-instated and will be back to terrorize BOTB next week. *SIGH* Which was truly the most terrifying thing that happened.

Bret Michaels' Thorn Kicks Seal's Rose but it's Far From Bringing Sexy Back!

dawncherrie — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 04:10:54 +0000

What?! Yeah … those crazy Canadians! It’s the second week of Battle of the Blades and this week’s theme was BRINGING SEXY BACK but trust me, Justin Timberlake was NO WHERE IN SIGHT! It came down to Tom Warner and Georges Laraque in the final skate off.

Tom skated to Bret Michael’s “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” and I could hear Bret already cashing his royalty cheque (that’s Canadian for check to you US peeps) before the ink was dry and JR had finished taking a cold shower. Tom and his skating skank did something called shooting the dick, I mean, shooting the duck – I’m surprised JR didn’t make that slip! But JR did say that he would have split his pants and pulled both his hammies if he had tried that moved. Me thinks he would have pulled a few other things too!

Goodbye Georges ...

Anywho ..moving on to one of my personal faves, Georges skated to Seal’s “A Kiss From a Rose” with his little adorable skating munchkin. He didn’t quite bring sexy back but he did skate well and do a double throw – far better technically than Tom but because he didn’t provide sexual favors, he got the boot. BOO-HISS! But he was gracious in his exit and I will miss seeing him.

Now, I also have to add that ValKat tied for the lead technically giving a breath taking performance to 007’s “The Look of Love” and frickin’ melted the TV screen – NOW THAT WAS SEXY – YOW! And I was surprise the ice held up after he skated and didn’t melt from sheer hottness!

Not the mention the horribly sad interview with Valerie about how he and his family had little to eat when he was growing up in Russia and that is why he is skating for the charity that helps children in poverty all over the world. It was also HILARIOUS hearing him slam Florida saying that “No one cares about hockey there.” hahahahaha Love you, Val! Love you!

I long to be, close to you ... MY Birthday present!

Stay tuned for next week’s installation for SKATING WITH VALERIE- RUSSIAN HOTTIE!

It just confirms everything I've ever believed about Canada

dawncherrie — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 03:54:59 +0000

um .. now if that was Ovi

OK – so I’m sitting here watching the results show for BOTB II and as I noted there was no way Canadians were going to let the Russians win, but I didn’t think they were going to send them home TONIGHT! Good God! They had the highest score Sunday from the judges. Luckily, the judges have the final say in the skate off and I don’t think they will let them go…tonight.

I was going to save this rant for another time, but here it goes. The NHL has allowed their players to play in the Olympics including this past year because CANADA hosted them. NOW – when RUSSIA is going to host the next Olympics, they are going to possibly revoke NHL players from participating thus that would crush Ovi’s possibility of winning gold in 2014 – quite a snub. Even though Ovi has said that no matter what the NHL decides, he is playing in Socchi in 2014. And props to Sidney in supporting Ovi’s desire.

I rant to Mr. Cherrie about my Hockey Husband Don’s comments ALL THE TIME that not only Russian hockey players but eastern European players have to play at a level greater than any Canadian hockey player to even be considered to compete on the ice. Yes, Canada you gave us hockey but don’t whine when someone else can do it better. Step up your game and be glad people love it!

But thank goodness! ValKat escaped the penalty box and even the judges said they shouldn’t have been in the bottom two. He will live again to ice dance into my heart for next week’s theme of .. wait for it … “BRINGING SEXY BACK” oh yeah!

*sigh* i wish i could skate

What I learned from BOTB last night …

dawncherrie — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 18:31:33 +0000

i liked the beat, i'll give it a 5.6

1. My apologies to Pants, you wont need to become a Canadian citizen to ice dance with Sid because this season they have graciously allowed a US judge, JR, AND a Russian couple – Valerie Bure and Ekaterina Gordeeva – she’s the only figure skater I had ever heard of. I would predict that they would win this because they simply blew everyone else way with technique. chemistry and movement, but there is no way in h-e-double hockey sticks that Canada is going to let a Russian couple walk away with the title for their highest rated show. And since the couples are voted on by both the judges and the audience, it will be a Canadian couple that wins – Sorry Valerie but you are a hottie-boom-ba-lottie! You can ice dance with me any time!

he dances like the wind

2. The Canadians have engineered some kind of Austin Powers figure skating fembot because these chicks either have some kind of death wish, are on death row and being forced to participate or have already been dropped on their heads so many times they don’t know any better because there is no way in hell I would let any of these guys touch me let alone throw me in the air or twirl me like a swizzle stick in a cocktail – many of which I am sure they are still throwing back! (OK – except for Valerie … move over Ovi …. yes, I just said that!)

3. Theo Fleury is the Mickey Rourke of Ice Dancing with his guyliner and black fingernail polish. I can’t believe I just wrote that but I did. And you know what, he looked kind of hot and he skated well. His program wasn’t as hard as some of the others but his presentation was great.

no guyliner here ...

4. Georges Laraques did an awesome job and is my sentimental favorite for pure heart, lovability and the fact that JR said he had the biggest a** on figure skates!

yoga butt is good!

5. Which brings me to JR, you just never know what is going to come out of his mouth from out right flirting with the figure skaters – particularly the Russian cutie to telling everyone oh, wait that’s #6.

6. When they started to announce the guest the judge, Mr. Cherrie started to go into apoplectic shock and I knew what was coming because there is only one man who can cause that kind of anger in Mr. Cherrie. I had to put a pillow over his head and sit on him but that didn’t stop the hockey Tourette’s that spewed forth about how Brett Hull cheated to win the Stanley Cup for the next hour and half. JR announced to everyone that after his wife had met Brett Hull she was so smitten with him she made him name their son after him. Really? OK, I may have to take back everything I said about JR in my last post. Being sensitive is one thing, being PW’d is another and then admitting it on national TV is just plain well, I am so tragically devastated I can’t even go there. Or maybe they have an open marriage and their son really is Brett Hull’s.

7. Next week I predict a caribou or musk ox as the guest judge. It’s Canada … They gave us BOTB! Why not?

i can ice dance like nobody's business!