(To those of you lobbying for a Cam Talbot feature, you’ll have to wait until they are playing someone I hate in the post-season. I’m not about to let Foxy Friday accidentally help a Ranger right now.)

Not every team’s fate is sealed, but we’re being reasonable with Wild Card possibilities. This likely means someone will go 9-0 and ruin our lives. Forgoing teams that could still make it (Bruins, FlapAntlers), here’s a last look at the Eastern Conference foxes we’ll miss come April 12. Enjoy them while you can.

Philadelphia Flyers

I WON’T MISS YOU. I don’t care how ginger you are, how curly, how shirtlessly beer pong proficient. Two more games vs Pittsburgh will be plenty, thanks. I don’t think about you when you’re not here.

But if UFA MDZ signs elsewhere, I might be allowed to miss him a little.  We’ll have to see how this skate-gash-to-the-neck (warning: gross photo) heals, because we’re only pretending to believe his “I got bitten by a shark” story for one scar. And we’re still waiting for him to request our help in finding dates.

New Jersey Devils

Adam Henrique’s cheekbones lead the team with 40 points this season, and he’s all smiles in this post-game interview from early March.  Maybe he could play baseball in the off-season, after this play.

Columbus Blue Jackets

Ryan “Shameless Charming Kid Prop” Johansen deserved  his own Foxy Friday after the All-Star Game. I mean, the Flying V? What else does a guy have to do? Blame Ekblad.  But someday, Ry – probably right around when you take this girl to the prom.

If you want to speed up the process, stop wearing hats. Because:

Carolina Hurricanes

After they beat the Pens 257-2 last night (close enough), I am not inclined to include the Hurricanes in this post. But Intern Jeff Skinner already volunteered to work all summer, since… well, you know. And I am weak. Plus someone needs to censor what Jeff does while wearing a white t-shirt.

Don’t just give it away, Jeff! You’re not a Kardashian. (Also, he’s scared of rides at the fair. He just wants to wait in line with you and hold your purse. We are raising this guy right.)

Honorable Mention: Jordan Staal. He reminded us yesterday that he still exists/is handsome. Video @penguins.

Toronto Maple Leafs

I don’t think anyone will miss the Leafs this season, especially because our favorite Leaf is Elisha Cuthbert and she’s back on our TV. (You can watch One Big Happy here.) The Leafs are definitely not one big anything, unless it’s a steaming pile of mess, and there is no happy. Even Joffrey Lupul is posting sad lyrics as status updates, like a maudlin 10th grader. [song]

But at least when the season ends, he still looks like this.

HOLD UP. Did you know you can rate Joffrey’s outfits and raise money for charity?! How have we never known this, we’ve just been doing it for free! Our work, going to waste! Visit lupulstyle.com to vote.

Buffalo Sabres

Poor Zach Bogosian, getting traded to Buffalo. Update NY still loves flannel and fried chicken, though.

At least he’s not alone. Marcus Foligno wants to know if, while you were watching his brother captain a squad of drafting drunks at the All-Star Game, you thought about the cold, windswept blue of his eyes [video]:

No? Well, there’s always next year. And alllllllllll summer. Next week we’ll say goodbye to what’s left of the West, then it’s on to the playoffs we go.

The cold kind of always bothered me anyway.

But please, don’t use your feet to kick someone.  With your skate blade.  Which Skinner also did during the game against the Blues:

Skinner has been suspended two games for that genius maneuver.  Principal Shanahan explains… link.

When I see a kid in Target wailing and flailing on the floor in the cereal aisle, I think that I’d do that if it were socially acceptable.  But I don’t.  This is such a intern-level temper tantrum.  Maybe he was upset because we give Mike Green the “bad boy” slot in our NHL boyband.  Either way, Jeff needs a time out.

Because Pants asked for it….

You likes?

I loves.

I took some creative liberties but I really hope that Intern Jeff Skinner love it too.

Come here often?

At least then she can’t keep telling me I should have closed my mouth in the NHL Tonight commercial where I’m pretending to ride the bike.  (She’s watched that far once, by the way – too busy rewinding Stamkos and his cereal.)

I made my comeback at Washington, but Pants wasn’t there.  Then we played the Penguins, where I took a pretty big hit from Crazy Eyes Orpik and had to go to the quiet room.  She didn’t even call!  I know she was watching!  (Editor’s note: She wasn’t.)

Hmmpphh.  James Neal had the game winning shootout goal and was First Star, I bet she called him.

Really? This guy?

We’re still not winning much and I know Pants finds it hard to watch, because she really does like us.  We beat the Bruins, but I promised Chuck and Cassy I wouldn’t mention it in exchange for extra Mexicolas.  We are also tied with the Lightning at 40 points.  I’m hoping that my return can brighten things up around here and offer some consistency.  When we win, we score a lot (13 goals in last 3 wins.)  It’s not too late to get this season back on track.

Want me to sign your yearbook?

As you already know, “We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.” (Seriously, that’s us.)

Thanks to those who emailed/commented/Tweeted us this photo.  We could not have lived with ourselves if we’d missed it.

We are having a tough start here in Raleigh, it’s true.  We’re two points ahead of NYI for last place in the East.  But you have to think positive!  I have 11 goals and 12 assists.  That’s #21 out of 738 NHL players.  Things are going to turn around with our new coach and Pants will be really glad to have Eric and Cam back on her fantasy team.

So happy weekend, everyone.  Hold a baby.  Smile with dimples.  And please, someone come back to work on Monday because I draw the line at posting about Mike Green (unless you start paying me).

Guys? Hey guys?

Anyway, I was doing my job and trolling Tumblr for photos, checking all the social media feeds and I saw that Chuck has posted photos of her, Pants and Gator at a Caps game.  Seriously guys? You abandoned me for Ovi?  I had to turn down Thanksgiving dinner at Eric’s for this!

Something's not right here.

Running the office was fun for a bit; I went through the candy stash and ate all Pants’ Watchamacallit bars, then drank Cassy’s Crystal Light.  I drew a moustache on Gator’s secret picture of Stammer (to match his real handlebars) and finally finished all of Chuck’s bagels.  A guy’s gotta live, right?  Then I hacked into Cassy’s TiVO and deleted the Wings v Bruins game, since she didn’t bring me any pie.

That's it - I'm outta here!

Anyway, to get my revenge for not being invited to the game or given the day off, I’m going to get Nealer to crank call Pants at 2am all week and set Chuck’s language preference to Mandarin Chinese.  Good luck Tweeting then!!  I’ll just claim the panda made me do it.

Blame Mike Green.

(Additional reporting by Cassy)

Hard at work.

With a record of 8-13-4 and EStaal struggling mightily, this is less shocking and more standard than Boudreau going from the Caps.  Staal has only 5 goals on on 89 shots – that’s 2nd most shots in the NHL, absolutely nothing will drop for this guy.  They’ve lost 10 of 14 games this month.

Wikipedia, font of all that is true, already says that Kirk Muller has been announced as the replacement.  We’ll wait till the Canes actually do that before putting Skinner back on fridge-stocking duty.

But today, we decided to give him the day off.

Because when you work THIS hard, you deserve it.

Go Jeffy Go!

That sound you hear is Chuck's lifeless body hitting the floor.

And Stamkos showing off (approved):

There's a "throw me up against the wall" joke here...

I obliged Intern Jeff Skinner and did a single pull-up at the gym yesterday.  Almost popped my shoulders out.  I can plank and run and lift… but not like this.  I get woozy just thinking about it.  Not enough BioSteel in the world to get me through 1/10th of what these guys do.

Impressed yet?

He doesn't even look tired.

What you really want is video of Biz doing yoga in his unders.  You got it.

And hey, look who got 10 seconds of camera time?

Frankly, this is not enough.

So that’s Foxy Friday – the boys working it out because they can’t wait to get back together with you.  Now if this hurricane really takes us all out, at least you saw Biz in his skivvies.

Intern Jeff Skinner here – still working out.  I’ve been working out for DAYS.  Hey Pants, where’s Logan Couture this weekend?  Oh right, hosting golf.   You weren’t invited?  Maybe I’ll send you a ticket to the gun show.  Heck, two tickets and you can sit next to my Calder Trophy.

Of course, the better I get the more Stamkos hogs the video by doing twisty things and almost showing his long hair.  Then cue the squealing again when he starts doing squats.  (Seriously, someone hold Gator’s hand.)

On lunch break, over wheat germ and Power Bars, I made a deal with Pants.  Continued BioSteel Camp videos if she does a pull-up at the gym tonight.  Just one.  In return I will steal every hat Stamkos packed.  Wish her luck.

The BioSteel Sports Camp is on now, and since workout videos are all the rage I’m pretty happy with this one.  You don’t see Biz doing any lifts, do you?  Seguin’s not pumping any iron in these clips!

Of course they film Stamkos doing plate hauls while I’m doing dead lifts – dead lifts look so stupid!  Not that you would notice, because Gator fainted and had to be revived in time for the earthquake drill.

The BioSteel Camp is tough – and I can concentrate now that my phone battery melted.  I need an external hard drive to process all the texts I got:

Chuck: Incoherent punctuation-riddled messages about Tyler Seguin checking himself out in every reflective surface

Gator: Streaming video from Legally Blonde so I can cut Stammer’s hair, or at least get him to Bend & Snap

Pants: Why is no one paying attention to James Neal?!  Nealmobile! Followed by the word HONK about two hundred thousand times.

It’ll be so easy for me to change the water cooler bottle this season – the WUYS girls are going to love it.  Now you can watch the video if you promise to speak English again and stop squealing.  And pay my cell phone bill.

"Skinner and Stamkos! (especially for @shan_apolis)"

What could top that, you ask?  @jfrancesw and the man himself.

Man of the Hour

I should definitely be at an open bar party with Jeff Skinner.  Can you hear me now, talking about intern interviews and Mexi-Colas?  I’ll wear a wire so you can all witness it.  Somehow @chialo managed not to faint when meeting Disco Dan.  I would be dead.

Classy coach is classy.

Then Jonathan Toews made an appearance at the party, just to make sure no one was left alive.  Thank you for sharing your pictures with us!  You look so composed, we are proud.  And insanely jealous and planning next year’s trip right now.  Meet us there?

The show was fairly agonizing, featuring some of the flattest jokes possible.  I generally think Jay Mohr’s pretty funny but the obnoxious thing is a bit much for a whole show.  Why doesn’t Cabbie on the Streets host this thing?

Like a boss.

Worse were the guest stars, most of whom stretch the definition of star to its limit.  A kid from The Wizards of Waverly Place? Awesome that he’s a Kings fan and probably fangirlling inside over Luc Robataille, but presenting?  Of course he was worlds better than the Real Housewives.  I thought I was having a stroke when they were introduced, because surely that cannot have happened.  Then Far East Movement performed.  PICK A DEMOGRAPHIC.  TEACH IT HOW TO PRONOUNCE YOUR WINNERS.  Or let Jon Hamm do them all.

Take us with you!

Okay, end rant.  The players, as usual, were adorkable enough to heal all wounds.  Jeff Skinner’s stuttering acceptance speech made me squee.  St. Louis for the Lady Byng was fantastic – someone get this guy an advert deal with Blackberry!  The constant cuts to Toews looks pissy, Bobby Ryan’s mom all teary, Kesler’s hair… man, I love hockey.

If we were in charge, the NHL Awards should we be better.  Like a bachelor auction or a live action SCORE! The Hockey Musical.  And we’d get picked up by this bus… and miss the whole show.

This isn't where I parked my car!

Now, let’s party.  We don’t know where this bus is going and I promise, we don’t care.  Back in October!

I’m not bragging, but I did win.  And Vegas was really fun, even if Tyler Seguin never returned my calls about how to go out dancing when you’re clearly underage, or what the point is of wearing a belt.

In case you didn’t see my speech, I was kinda nervous.  Okay super nervous.  It was like prom times a hundred and I hope all the Seventeen readers (and WUYS girls) were pleased with the suit they chose.  I thanked everyone I could think of – I mean everyone – but I forgot to mention Pants.  I felt so terrible that I made Couture drunk dial her and sing the Jaws theme song from the pool party.

If only they’d done the Calder at the end of the show, I’d have felt better.  It was all awkward all the time and at least I didn’t have to hug the Real Housewives!  I mean, girls make me nervous enough already.

Now that I am an award-winner, I might have to ask for a raise.  Or an allowance.  The girls know I work hard and I’m really good at organizing the ponytail holders they leave around the office (thin for everyday, thick for the gym).  They could pay me Canadian minimum wage, and I could do yard work.  Gotta stay in shape so I can win more awards next season.

]]> http://whatsupyasieve.com/2011/06/23/intern-jeff-skinner-shiny/feed/ 5 http://whatsupyasieve.com/2011/06/08/intern-jeff-skinner-fashion-show/ http://whatsupyasieve.com/2011/06/08/intern-jeff-skinner-fashion-show/#comments Wed, 08 Jun 2011 14:05:03 +0000 http://whatsupyasieve.wordpress.com/?p=5615 Apparently there’s an episode of The Office where Kelly yells, “Fashion show at work! Fashion show at work!”  The WUYS girls are all over that.

I’m excited for the NHL Awards, but frankly I can’t be bothered with what to wear.  I’m just not that into fashion.  And no, Pants, I am not calling Mike Green for advice.  Instead, I decided to ask my prom dates (all 10,000 of them) in Seventeen Magazine.  So this is your chance to weigh in on my outfit: Vote here.

I wore each suit to the WUYS offices last week, and Chuck asked if I was trying to get a raise.  I reminded her I work for free.  She said in that case, could I please take my nice suit to Dunkin’ Donuts while everything’s still fresh?  But she always buys me Munchkins.

Vote soon!  The suit you pick I will also wear to Pants’ wedding next weekend.  She’s asked me to be the ring bearer, and promised to look the other way if I drink out of a red SOLO cup.  But I have to dance to Bieber with her.  Anything to make her shut up about Logan Couture.

Your first day at WUYS (seven months ago):

That time you believed “media training” meant letting Pants and Chuck cut your hair:

That time Dawn asked you what Kris Letang wore under his gear at the ASG:

That time you charmed the entire world into asking you to the prom (even if Cassy had to windsor your tie).  SWAG:

That time everyone loved you, and you realized WUYS might be on to something here:

That time you scored a ton of goals, were generally incredible and still looked this excited every single time:

Your birthday party starts at 4 PM in the conference room.  Just as well you’re 19, we’ve got Mexi-Colas and Whatchamacallit bars for everyone.  Eric and Cam have RSVP’d and well, then we didn’t bother inviting anyone else.  Best party ever!

One for me, none for you.

How about score 2 goals against France in the World Championships?  Because I did.  I’m also hanging out with Rick Nash and James Neal and you’re not, so there’s that.  And we’re in Slovakia – good thing Pants and I watched Eurotrip before I left, because I know not to drink absinthe or mess with mimes.

Team Canada has gone 2-0 and outscored our opponents 13-2.  While you read this, we are tied 3-3 with Switzerland in the third period.

Oh, I also got nominated for Rookie of the Year.  I know Pants has a weird thing for Logan Couture but you’d think I would get some brownie points for remembering she likes Whatchamacallit candy bars.  Who else eats those?  The most fun part will be going to Las Vegas… and not being allowed to do anything.  Couture and Grabner are both 21 – can I help it if I am a phenom?  Does “I know Eric Staal” carry any weight out there?  Maybe someone will throw an 18+ night so I can at least show off my dance moves.

I'm 21. Um... my ID?

Wish us luck in the World Championships.  I know the WUYS girls are a little caught up at the moment, but Administrative Assistants’ Day was last week and it wouldn’t have killed them to make me a cake.

Get it? I'm Scotty from Eurotrip? (Pants, I know you're laughing.)

All you Fauxnadians better pay attention and cheer for me.  It’s going to be a long summer and there’s no one else to file all your Kris Letang photos in order of descending percentage of whipping his hair.

Sorry, gotta go.  Overtime! (Follow at http://www.iihf.com/)

Update: Oh hey, we won!  Thanks for your support.  Play your Bryan Adams extra loud today, for maximum Canadian celebration.

I sent our intern Jeff Skinner to interview JR for some play off wisdom, since there is still a restraining order out against me!

Ah .. not that "D" ut JR is your reading...

OK. lost my train of thought, DISCIPLINE, yeah. That means not taking bad penalties, sticking to the game plan, not letting the other guy lure you into a fight (Drew – see another “D” that’s actually a two-fer) so the other team scores two goals while your fabulous ass is sitting in the penalty box or get into your head – oh say, Luongo, while you give snotty interviews after the game. I never had much respect for you in the first place, but I’m glad you showed the world what a class act you are when you give an interview telling everyone that your back-up is just as you good as you! SRSLY? Patrick Roy would NEVER had said that. In fact, when his team was down, he told them not another puck would get in, and it didn’t.

Capt. Come-Back!

WUYS play-off dance routine! Get ready girls. I feel a flash mob at Letang's house!

DD - double defensive threat but needs some 'discipline'! naughty boy!

MG52 - patron saint of sensible footwear - at least in public!

for once, i'm not looking at his face!

Lastly, making the DREAM come true. How many of these guys have dreamt of holding the cup over their head? From backyard ponds, streets, local rinks, with their friends, brothers. Making their sisters play goalie as they pretend to re-create iconic goals from past Stanley Cup play-offs as they dream of being Gretzsky or Orr or May making ‘the goal’ and then running around the neighborhood.

Canes Casino Night just became an 18+ party.

While I’m at it, I think I deserve a raise.  I mean, I scored 2 goals against the Caps and pretty must single-handedly won the game.  Which Pants would know if she’d watched.  Instead she checked the score at 8 PM, forgot which coast she was on, and thought we lost 2-1.  But I wasn’t done yet!  I still had a game tying goal in me.  And a shootout winner. Did you hear that, Pants?!

Maybe feeling unloved works in my favor though. Not unloved by  the masses, mind you, since I’ve had 1.7 million invitations to the prom this year.  Just by my bosses at WUYS who don’t even post when I come to town!  But I’m over it, I really am.  And to prove it, I scored 2 more goals last night in Montreal.  Now Pants is singing some song I’ve never heard of called “It Takes Tw” by some group I’ve never heard of called “Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock” who were apparently famous in some year I’ve never heard of called “1988.”

Carolina is three points behind Buffalo and the NYR for the last playoff spot in the East.  We each have 5 games left.  It’s going to be tight right down to the wire, but if you call cross your fingers and the WUYS girls give us the support we deserve (*ahem*), I think we can do it.  GO CANES!

Someone in Carolina's got a sense of humor.