jamie benn – What's Up, Ya Sieve?

NHL Man Madness: FINAL

Pants — Fri, 01 Apr 2016 18:20:26 +0000

Over 1000 votes are in, and we are down to this:

Click for larger version

The NHL Man Madness 2016 Bracket Challenge Final: Sidney Crosby v Jamie Benn

This is the gold standard.

Wow, that is a lot of yes. It’s the best hypothetical situation ever – so great, it can only be summed up by our spirit animal Emma Stone performing Lip Sync Battle on Jimmy Fallon:

Everybody hands go up

Sidney Crosby cleared Carey Price handily, with nearly 70% of the vote. This I understand. I mean, they don’t even make pockets you can put this in.

Jamie Benn, however, surprises me a little. I get it – I can clearly see what you’re voting for here – but I though Tyler would take this one. Instead, Jamie earned a whopping 75% of the vote. I sent Chuck to check on Tyler, just in case(s).

So what’ll it be?

Choose…

Brunette? Canadian? Captain? All of the above?

Wisely.

Yeah, that’s no help.

VOTE HERE: NHL Man Madness 2016 FINAL

You have until 2 PM on Monday to make this terrible, heartbreaking choice… and win either way. So be sure to take this very seriously.

:: roar ::

Or not.

He looks so much like Gabriel Macht here.

NHL Man Madness: Final Four

Pants — Wed, 30 Mar 2016 16:12:22 +0000

Almost 1400 votes. 1400! You guys should campaign for something in real life, because you are crushing it here. Or use your powers for good instead of these very important hockey-related matters.

Here we are, at four. That’s fewer names than you’re allowed on your “island”, your “celebrity five” or your “get out of monogamy free card”, whatever you call it. (Unless you are me. I’ve been know that say, “Sid is the list.”)

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Carey Price v Sidney Crosby

You love Carey Price. I don’t get it – or I’ve never really tried – so this one will remain a mystery to me! Stamkos fared slightly better than Bergeron, Faulk or Ericksson, which is to say that he got more than 35% of the vote. And so Price moves on confidently.

I think he can hear me blogging.

If Sidney Crosby hadn’t won, I would have tampered with these election results. Trust me, I am not above a little espionage to keep things right with the world! Luckily, while twenty-nothing-year old Aaron Ekblad made a surprisingly strong show (39%!), Crosby won this fair and square.

It’s all the things.

Now, you must choose. I won’t tell you what to do…

Subliminal messaging

Or who to vote for…

It’s not my fault he looks like this.

But I trust you’ll do the right thing.

Be his wingman any day.

KIDDING! Well, not really, but here are some Carey Price gifs to balance the universe and deter charges of election tampering.

He does look like a nice guy.

I mean, the man can wear a scarf.

Who’d probably bring you coffee.

And not every guy looks good in a belt buckle.

Yeehaw.

Tyler Seguin v Jamie Benn

It was always coming down to this. Entire fictional/aspirational lives are built on just such a conundrum – Peeta v Gale, Edward v Jacob, Ron v Harry, and presumably a great many that exist outside young adult books, but not with this kind of angst. I mean, they’re BEST FRIENDS. They are a set. And they’re possibly more in love with each other than they could ever be with you.

They can’t make us choose.

Tyler faced a worthy opponent in Zach Parise, who got a whopping 44% of the vote. I am shocked! But only one winning smile can win the day. Jamie struggled early, but ended up beating Gabe the Babe with 64%.

Now, by choosing only one of Tyler or Jamie, you could choose none – because they’d likely choose each other. Or you could destroy this fanfic-worthy bromance and ruin everything. That’s right, with just one click.

Life is hard.

So, Tyler?

He knows who he’d choose. Or does he?

Or Jamie?

Come on, just a little?

Left?

All about that bass (layer) – or not.

Or Right?

Need a ride home?

Cake?

Dessert-related. We’re not picky.

Or Death?

Not quite the same.

Man, that is tough. Seguin is a human gif-machine but Benn is so adorkable. Either way, can you really lose?

VOTE HERE: NHL Man Madness Final Four

The poll will be open until Noon EST Friday. As they say: vote early, vote awesome!

NHL Man Madness: Round 2 – Vote On

Pants — Mon, 28 Mar 2016 16:02:01 +0000

Well that was a lot of nothing. Sorry, Professor Perfect Bergeron fans, but Carey Price dismantled him in the run-off category.

Nnnnnot that close.

So we proceed as before – NHL Man Madness 2016 Quarterfinal: VOTE HERE

Click for a larger version

To aid in these decisions, here’s a helpful visual guide.

Carey Price v Steven Stamkos

The Goalie and the Natural

I’ve never paid ~~much~~ any attention to Carey Price, but y’all love him. And I use “y’all” to demonstrate the one thing I know about Carey Price – he’s a cowboy. He can do horse-related things and also survival, which according to many Twitter comments would make his useful in case of zombie apocalypse. (No one suggested he compete on “Naked and Afraid” which frankly calls into question this whole bracket challenge.)

Judo chop!

I submit to you that as living off the land and shooting-while-running are exceptional skills, Stamkos is not without off-ice talents of his own.

You decide what’s more likely. The Walking Dead Reality Show or a young adult fiction series-turned-Hollywood blockbuster series starring a 60-goal scorer.

Sidney Crosby v Aaron Ekblad

Hate to see you leave but love to see you walk away.

Hahahaha, kidding. I’m kidding! That is so unfair.

The Kid and the actual kid

Tyler Seguin v Zach Parise

The Bad Boy and the Good Guy

That’s really fair, though, right? Finding a photo of Seguin with a shirt (and pants) on is not that easy. But don’t rule Zach out – he did take down Toews, after all.

Smile. People will wonder what you’re up to.

I’m just not sure anyone can stand up to Tyler.

He just couldn’t reach a towel. In a room full of towels.

Gabriel Landeskog v Jamie Benn

This bracket is the toughest for me by a mile. They’re both so… it’s impossible. Gabe refuses to wear a shirt, even while making you breakfast. Jamie can’t not be a dork. Not even for a second. Not even with his shirt off! It’s Kryptonite.

The Surprise and the Sure Thing

To assist myself, we enter this evidence before the court:

The Swedish Chef

The “I Can’t Be Sure it’s an Innuendo because it’s Jamie Benn”

Guess I’ll have to spend all day looking Google Image searching them to aid in my decision making (aka just continue what I’ve been doing all morning).

VOTE HERE: NHL Man Madness 2016 – Quarterfinal

Go on, take your time. Research these decisions. Quarterfinal voting will end Wednesday, March 30 at Noon Eastern.

The Kids Would Be Proud

Pants — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 17:15:11 +0000

Once upon a time there was an All-Star Weekend that reminded me how much I love hockey. Well, that happens every year. But this weekend, like so much of this season, I didn’t actually get to watch anything. GAH! What follows is the best I was able to mash up from Twitter and my imagination… except I couldn’t make this up:

It was someone’s job to walk behind John Tavares and hold a sign that said “John Tavares.”

I demand to see your qualifications.

This is so obviously the job for me that I’m just putting it on my resume, because it makes no sense that I wasn’t the one to do it. Here’s the red carpet video.

Gives new meaning to “Climb the ladder at work.”

I could also have held the “PLAID SUIT!” sign, people.

They don’t call him “Stammer” for nothing.

Then, let me just get this out of the way:

Squad goals.

And by “this”, I mean my dead body, fallen to the ground, blocking everyone’s commute into DC. Look at these guys! Look at John’s hair! My enjoyment of this photo is the way a tween feels on the day a new One Direction album drops. I don’t Snapchat, but if I did, I would express this with the “throwing up rainbows” filter.

If this were The Hangover, Tavares would end up with the tattoo on his face. Take care of him!

Hockey clubs can’t even handle me right now.

Obviously the big story of the weekend was John Scott auditioning to play himself in the Disney remake of Goon. He not only went to Nashville, apprently against the NHL’s wishes, he owned the weekend. His kids and goals and his MVP award are all the things we love about sports. Perseverance, faith and, hey, talent (!) delivered with a smile that thanked most people and told some others to kiss his ass.

Proudest fan club.

The support of so many players and teams for Scott’s efforts was also spectacular. Sportsmanship, alive and well! This is what sports should teach kids: not that everybody wins, or gets a trophy for showing up, but that life can be tough – and you can be tougher. Scott goes, for now, back to the AHL. Fate awaits. But for that moment, when someone said he couldn’t, John Scott did anyway. Bravo, sir.

This is the moment, tonight is the night…

In other highlights, PK Subban topped the moment he wore Intern Jeff Skinner’s jersey with a costume so perfect I can’t believe I’ve never worn it on Halloween. (No wig required.)

And PK looks good with long hair. Is that weird? Nah. These rest of the weekend PK dressed and acted like a million bucks-slash-his regular self. He even does a purple suit and fedora with a minimum of pimp-ness. How?

Stars in 2016

Pants — Wed, 11 Nov 2015 16:48:30 +0000

It’s election time in the US – wait, not really. We have another year of this crap! But one hockey squad isn’t missing the chance to fast track their big campaign: The Dallas Stars really want to be your favorite team.

Campaign Strategy #1: Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin have all the points.

All the points that are not Patrick Kane’s, that is.

Combined, Seguin & Benn have 44 points in 16 games. The calculator tells me that is 2.75 PPG. Common sense tells me that is a LOT.

Seguin is averaging 1.43 PPG through 16 games. Last season he played a 1.1 PPG pace all year, ending with 77 points. There’s still a long way to go, but when we think of Tyler, we think “performance.”

Silence Fives, a Ten is speaking.

Benn won the Art Ross Trophy last season in a mad finish line dash, scoring four points in the Stars’ last game, beating Tavares by one point and Crosby by three. Last season, Jamie had 5 G in the first 15 games, and ended with 35. So far, with 10 G in 16 games, we’re looking for a 70 G -ish season.

Okay, even he probably can’t do that. But his 0.673 GPG average this season would be 51 G. No problem, right?

Seguin’s Twitter is like Charlie the Unicorn Goes to Candy Mountain

Really, it’s all summed up in this photo from Shattered Lens Photography.

What does it feel like, waking up knowing you have exactly 5x more assists than the average NHL player?

This beard looks like a disguise to fool facial recognition software on The Blacklist.

Probably the same way it feels to wake up looking like this.

Bless the media section of Seguin’s website.

That’s Campaign Strategy #2: Jamie Benn World Takeover

At the Stars’ season ticket holder event, 10/1/15

Tyler Seguin’s no surprise – if you haven’t seen all his handsome rogue-ishness or heard “I Knew You Were Trouble” when he walked in, you’re not paying attention. Jamie Benn is the dark horse, the sleeper; warming to his role as not-so-sidekick with all the slow charm one expects of Texas. He’s tapped a natural resource and now we’re all getting rich.

Even if he doesn’t know much about Dallas… [Sportsnet video: Know Your City]

You play hockey, we’ll read books.

Not that we don’t still appreciate Tyler. He’s making kids happy, making rubber ducks blush (I mean really) and ruining the romantic futures of 16-year old girls.

She just broke up with Chip from homeroom on Facebook.

If she’s from Dallas, Tyler could use a tutor. [Sportsnet Video: Know Your City]

Got the one about the swingers’ club, though. Natch.

Campaign Strategy #3: Winning Often

It’s one thing for a top line to score. That team can still lose a lot of games. But the Stars currently sit in 3rd, with the same number of points as the 2nd place Rangers (who’ve won six in a row/barf). They’re 7-3-0 in their last 10 games and, so far this season, Dallas’ victories are by an average of 2.1 GPG. Benn & Seguin’s point totals account for only 15% of points recorded by the Stars this season – the love is spread around. (Their combined 19 G, though, equal 34% of the Stars offense.)

I see my team squeaking in there…

Campaign Strategy #4: Ticket Prices

Okay, no one campaigns for this. But the average lowest StubHub price for a ticket to the next 10 Stars games is $15.40. You can get in the door for less than the cost of a parking pass. You could see Intern Jeff Skinner from the 100-level on 12/8 for $37. The highest in-the-door cost is, sensibly, to see the NHL-leading Montreal Canadiens. At $25. There are expensive seats, of course, but if you’re only mildly interested in hockey (such people do exist), this could be your introduction. Parents can take their kids. Or, like when I was little, kids can take their parents!

I really hope people take advantage of these prices. It won’t last, not if the Stars’ success does, but it’s the perfect opportunity to grow the fan base while they’ve got something super to watch. Something like…

Best Reddit reply to this video: “Just ask him out already!!! It’s like the last 10 minutes of a young adult novel.”

Now that would be Campaign Strategy #5, just sayin’.

UPDATE: Campaign Strategy #652, courtesy of @RunsonDuncan:

Please be real, please be real…

Fiddle in the Band

Pants — Wed, 30 Sep 2015 00:45:29 +0000

Get it? “If you’re gonna play in Texas, you gotta have a fiddle in the band”? No? Oh well. Country music problems. Today we have another guest training camp report, this time from Texas and courtesy of Brenda (@wishinonehand)!

The day before Brenda was heading to Texas on vacation, she got a Facebook message from a friend: Henrik Lundqvist was doing a signing at Birchbox in SoHo for the first 150 people who bought either a t-shirt or a pair of boxer briefs from Bread & Boxers (for whom he’s a spokesmodel spokesman). So of course she ran for the door, down the street and got there 2.5 hours early. To be 6th in line. She managed some coherent speech and minimal swooning while posing for this:

Mr. June, obviously.

According to Brenda, “His shirt was SO SOFT” and she strongly resisted the urge to pet his hair. Because you can’t be in jail and go to Austin for a week of Stars practice! On to Texas, where Brenda stayed with Vicky (of VickyAndNikkisFiveHole). She reports:

Day 1: Jamie Benn seems to be pretty well recovered from his surgery. Must be that new strength and conditioning coach fitness model he’s been dating. He was skating quite a bit on a line with Eaves, which is WAY too much hotness for one line.

Parts his hair with a protractor.

Between practices they brought in a huge group of little kids on a school field trip, who all got Seguin jerseys and were quizzed them about hockey and the Stars. Seggy took a selfie with them [Twitter]. Seguin & Sharp also spent a bunch of time on a line together. If we thought that the combo of Benn & Eaves was as good as it could get, Sharpie & Seggy certainly gave them a run for their money.

Pants: Completely forgot he was a Star.

Later in the day, Jordie Benn’s beard showed off its post-season form. And I’m just going to say right now that the moment that Stephen Johns makes it to the NHL, he’ll need a Foxy Friday IMMEDIATELY. (Pants, he has a ginger beard!).

Okay, we believe you.

Later that night the Stars had an outdoor fan fest, which included a bouncy house (for kids only – boo) and a TERRIBLE cover band who wore different colored Adidas track. [Pants note: That sounds kind of awesome.] There were Q&A sessions and I was able to get autographs from all of the players who were there. I also got to meet the lovely Carolyn & Merrin from Two Bearded Ladies. I felt an immediate bond with Carolyn upon learning of our shared deep and abiding love of Brandon Bollig. Of course I also managed to find a fellow NY Ranger fan and had to introduce myself to him. #BlueshirtsUnited [Pants note: Hashtags you’ll never again see on this blog.]

Day 2: Vicky & I were running late, and spied Jordie Benn, Jason Demers, Kari Lehtonen & 2 other players trying to get back into the arena after apparently running to the nearby gas station for snacks. [Pants note: They need an Intern Jeff Skinner!] Eventually someone did let them in. Incredibly, not even three minutes later, Demers was already on the ice. How did he get dressed so quickly???

On Day 2, the Stars decided to unveil their strategy for the upcoming season: blind the rest of the league with their beauty. For a large portion of the practice, Benn, Seguin, Sharp, Demers & Oduya skated together as a 5-man unit. Jesus, Dallas, are you trying to KILL us??? I’m shocked that the ice did not melt (full disclosure: we melted – A LOT). A bunch of other stuff happened at practice, too, but honestly, who cares?

Discussing #BeardWatch2016 odds

Day 3: Today was the “official” scrimmage that you had to pay to attend, as well as the only day concession stands were open, so of course I took advantage and had a frozen strawberry margarita. We were excited that they were handing out rally towels to fans, until we discovered that they were left over from Mike Modano’s retirement night from 2014. Very lame, Stars! Vicky & I were joined by Le’Loni, Micah & Laura, her fellow Texas Stars Ice Patrol friends, and Nikki, the other half of VickyAndNikkisFiveHole. We were NOTHING but trouble. A lot of people were SUPER PISSED that Jamie Benn & Ales Hemsky didn’t skate in the scrimmage. Still, it was really fun. Seggy looked great, scoring 2 goals but missing on a penalty shot.

You miss 100% of the abs you never show.

The funniest part of the day was that Merrin was able to get Jamie to sign the notebook (available at the Two Bearded Ladies online shop) that has a picture of a sloth in a hockey helmet hanging from a hockey stick along with a quote from Jamie’s scouting report: “We’re not sure if he’s really that slow, or if he just refuses to move.” Well done, ma’am.

Twobeardedladies.wordpress.com

[Pants note: STOP. Their subtitle is “If you’re gonna play in Texas, you gotta have a beard on your face”!! I swear I did NOT see that before titling this post. #soulmates]

Day 4: The best part of the ENTIRE camp was that after the scrimmage (and after the laps that both squads had to skate), Sharp and Oduya were out on the ice. We thought maybe they were going to do some drills with the coaches, but then Oduya skated off. Sharp skated a bit with the puck and then shot it right at the boards below us (we were sitting right on the glass). We laughed and waved at him. He skated by and then turned around and smiled at us and flipped the puck over the glass to me. Another woman who was sitting at the other end of the row went to get it (it had gone behind me), but there was ZERO CHANCE I was letting anyone get the puck that Sharpie had clearly wanted ME to have. Shockingly, in my entire life (we don’t need to talk about exactly how many years that is), this is the first time I’ve ever had a player give me a puck. A 3-time Stanley Cup champion is a pretty outstanding place to start, don’t you think?

Signed: The World’s Most Handsome Man

Day 5: After the last practice, Sharpie was talking to some of the fans on his way off the ice and I was able to get him to sign the puck he’d given me the day before (side bar: his hands are very soft). YESSSS!!! So in the space of 8 days, I met 2 of the 3 best looking men in the NHL (Patrice Bergeron being the third – although I met him at the NHL store this past season), which is pretty ridiculous. I am feeling very blessed. Thank you, hockey gods!

Sizing up the competition.

Thankfully pre-season hockey is here and regular season hockey is right around the corner. Let’s go Rangers!

[Pants note: I’ll let her have that one. Thank you, Brenda! And be sure to check out the other female-written hockey blogs in this post: @vickyandnikki and @beardiestladies!]

VickyandVikkis5hole.wordpress.com

Foxy Friday: You Tell Us

Pants — Fri, 01 May 2015 17:24:11 +0000

Happy National Hairstyle Appreciation Day!

Okay, it was yesterday. How this is 1) a holiday or 2) occurs without our say-so is a mystery, but it’s never too late to join in the, er, appreciating. Especially on a Friday.

I’ve very scientifically chosen the photos below. Browse them – and we mean Take. Your. Time. (For example, I haven’t done any other work today.) In the comments, tell us what you love, hate, miss and wish would disappear. I’m sure I’ve left out a few transformations: suggestions are also welcome.

FOXY FRIDAY: Hairstyle Appreciation Day

Jamie Benn: Before vs. After

James Neal: Hedgehog vs. Humbled vs. Hey Ladies

Mike Green: Kombucha vs. Complicated Coffee vs. Wheatgrass vs. Small-Batch Bourbon

Tom Wilson: Boy vs Man

Carl Hagelin: Boy Band vs. Rock Star vs. Singer-Songwriter

Steven Stamkos: Too Short vs. Too Long vs. Just Right

Claude Giroux: Elmo vs. Fozzie vs. Animal

Kris Letang: Disney Prince vs. Disney Dad

Last but not least, Barry Melrose: Always vs. Forever

The polls are open. Happy Friday, everyone!

Jackpot! (I had to.)

Pants — Fri, 27 Feb 2015 15:56:07 +0000

The Penguins traded their annual Skates & Plates waiter gear for other ill-fitting suits this year and hosted Aces & Ice Casino Night last night. It looked like the World’s Most Awkward Wedding Party.

But two drinks in, the bridesmaids are yelling, “DIBS!” and making shanks out of bobby pins.

The dads, like Alison’s dad there on the left (not really), are warming up their, “Have you met my daughter?” speeches.

While the groomsmen try not to look too drunk…

Even if they have to count reaaalllllyyy sllooowwwlllly…

And the married guys keep interrupting their attempts to flirt,

When they’re not laughing because they know how much an open bar costs.

But no matter how hard they try, there is always one guy who ends up going home alone.

Here are the full photo gallery and PensTV Video. Celina talks so fast that I am out of breath before they even get to Crosby, but this is something you’d (er, I would) probably pay a fortune to attend. There is far less chance of physical embarrassment dealing cards than carrying plates, and I can’t help thinking Beau Bennett is a lot safer in this low-impact environment.

Twenty bucks says that Ehrhoff, tired of being left out, rigs the Secret Santa so he can buy Letang a selfie stick.

Because he knows we love guys in glasses.

The Dallas Stars also had a casino night this week. Furthering their quest to be Your Favorite Team, here’s video in which Jamie Benn admits his favorite part is “mingling with the female crowd” who sit at his table.

No shame if you just tried to buy a ticket for next year’s event like this:

Because:

So:

The Good Lie

Pants — Fri, 13 Feb 2015 18:00:59 +0000

In his latest and greatest Valentine’s Day video, Cabbie gets Tyler and Jamie to prank their mothers by announcing they will propose to their respective girlfriends on Valentine’s Day. Girlfriends their mothers have never met, because they aren’t real.

We here at WUYS hold a few truths to be self-evident:

1) Cabbie for President – of a made-up country we start because he can’t actually be our President, as a Canadian. This is in the fine print somewhere.

2) The Dallas Stars want to be your favorite team.

3) Tyler Seguin is an excellent liar. We assume he only uses this when necessary, but that boy could sell you a bridge.

4) Jamie Benn, not so much.

5) And finally, moms are the best. Every one, every time.

Feel free to cut the end off this video, play it for your own parents and announce, “Meet my fiance!”

But you haven’t actually met him, so…

Thank you to @charlieryan58 for sending this!

Enjoy a throwback Valentine: Cabbie and the Oilers PUPPIES with Actual Puppies

Close Shave

Pants — Thu, 05 Feb 2015 17:58:19 +0000

I don’t know if this break in our server problems will last, so I will post this quickly! Thanks to everyone who sent it to us – it was worth waiting for.

Tyler Seguin and Jordie Benn made a Super Bowl bet: if Seattle lost, Tyler would have Jordie’s megabeard. If New England lost, Jordie would shave Tyler’s head.

What do we have to say? Thank you, Tom Brady. Thank you, Julian Edelman. Thank you, Katy Perry, for even your low-vocaled halftime show and that time you wore the Holocaust cloak from The Princess Bride had some hand in this.

Usually, we’s say “Not the face!” – but this time, okay.

Benn had been working on that beard for a year, and as much as we’ll miss it, he could easily grow it back by next Thursday.

Should have trimmed it first. Everyone knows that.

Tyler’s hair, on the other hand… don’t mess.

Hey girl/guy/kid/fan/lense/plate of macaroni & cheese. You busy later?

In other proof that the boys take their football seriously, Tyler Tweeted this:

Suede dude booties off when watching football.

And while you may be willing to overlook a missing apostrophe or two, Jamie knows the best way to get revenge is by sitting near someone cuter on occasion. Maybe he’s taking applications.

Bonus: the Gnome never eats his pretzels.

#HockeyHalloween2014

Chuck — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 15:59:22 +0000

Happy Hockey Halloween everyone!

It’s that special time of the year again when all of our favorite hockey players dress up in hilarious and sometimes ridiculously tiny, costumes, for our entertainment. Most of the time, it is to bring joy and smiles to sick kids. But sometimes it is strictly for our enjoyment.

Especially these two…

Dallas Stars (Tyler Segiun, Jamie Benn, Cody Eakin, Brenden Dillon)

TURTLE POWER!

TURTLE POWER! Seguin as Raphael? Benn as Leonardo? If you know anything about TMNT, you know how supremely perfect this is.

Our love for Beguin is real and true, but this year’s Candy Bowl goes to Matt Fraser, Dougie Hamilton, Kevan Miller, Matt Bartkowski, Torey Krug, and Seth “Stewie” Griffith from the Boston Bruins.

Couple of years ago, we had Zee Bunny. This year, we get Dougi-Elsa.

We applaud these men for completely letting go of their ego (and their dignity) to don these costumes to cheer up a bunch of sick kids.

Krug totally loves warms hugs. Griffith’s Hans wig gives new meaning to the term hockey hair. And Matt Fraser, bless his heart) looks like a ‘roided out Pippi Longstocking.

But let’s be honest – Matt Bartkowski is everything. If there was anyone on the Bruins roster that could pull off that look, it was Bart. The Sven the Reindeer costume look absolutely perfect on him. When he come to the WUYS Fancy Dress Party as my date, I want him to wear that.

I love it and I love him. Be my boyfriend.

“Who’s the funky looking donkey over there?” “Oh that’s Sven.”

I’m sure the Bruins weren’t the only team to dress up and have a good time, but boy, did they do it with some flair.

Everybody Wins

Pants — Tue, 14 Oct 2014 15:01:44 +0000

This week, Tyler Tuesday really overdelivers.

If asked for two words to describe Tyler Seguin, Chuck would use “dude” and “perfect.” She is ~~sedated after seeing this~~ on vacation, so allow me….

First of all, Dude Perfect is – as advertised – a group of five guys and a panda. One guy has a gingerbeard. Before we even get to Jamie & Tyler, we know this is going to be right up our alley.

The ensuing competition of ridiculous challenges confirms what Dallas Stars World Domination HQ has been shilling for months: Tyler and Jamie are more talented, more fun and better looking than your team.

This actually came on TV as I was writing.

And they know it. We see you, Obviously Rhetorical Question answered silently by Tyler’s expression:

These two giggle more on camera than you will watching and they shamelessly hug everyone within arm’s reach . Tyler bounces a rubber duck off his skate blade. Jamie scores a diving goal with a pumpkin. Can I buy this at Starbucks?

Obviously each drill was completed flawlessly on the first take, including the Despicable Me Minion Fart Blaster duel (I have one of this in my office for serious occasions). No editing or magic of Hollywood needed here.

Jamie wins the competition, even with a one point deduction for how slowly he realizes that balancing the ball on the cup is the point of that game. Tyler isn’t really trying – he just assumes there are bonus points for how often he manages to flash his abs.

What, no prize for this?

The actual prize? Our hearts. Oh, and a six pound milkshake which 1) I have had and 2) can be purchased in Annapolis. Stop by on your victory tour, Benn.

I’d say more teams should invite Dude Perfect in, but I’m not sure they can all handle it. Perhaps Dude Perfect could just stick around to consult on the Stars’ multimedia efforts all season, since you’re halfway to buying a Jamie Benn jersey already.

Thanks to @J.Rho for pointing out that I forgot to include the BONUS FOOTAGE video. Probably because Mr. Pants & I actually joked about being PB&J for Halloween this year, and I know Tyler and Jamie would do it better.

Vote Early, Vote Often

Pants — Mon, 25 Aug 2014 17:31:15 +0000

D Magazine has undertaken the arduous task of determining The 10 most Eligible Men in Dallas. There are 5 candidates per week, 5 weeks of voting and in the end, 10 winners.

Or really just nine guys and Jamie Benn.

Photos by D Magazine

This magnificent example of democracy in action has inspired us to campaign on Jamie’s behalf. So far our efforts include this blog post and reminding you of Jamie’s ALS Ice Bucket Challenge video.

See what a haircut can do?

We have to give Tyler Seguin a lot of credit for raising Jamie’s profile – but not too much. Jamie’s like Seguin-lite, the version you could take home to mom without praying she’s never heard of a Google image search.

Male jewelry, because we’re liberal.

He’s smart too, and clearly knows his way around a PR pitch: his favorite movie is The Sandlot, he wants four kids, he would have been a firefighter. After that, you hardly need us to remind you to #VoteJamie here.

#DMostEligible

Foxy (Almost) Friday: Ice Bucket Challenge

Pants — Thu, 14 Aug 2014 14:36:53 +0000

We really miss hockey, but it’s safe to say this off-season is going down in history. Best ever? Well, it’s not the worst and I’m not waiting for Friday.

The Ice Bucket Challenge began in July in support of ALS research. Read more about it here and hire Frates & Quinn for more marketing campaigns. The movement has raised over $4 million, up nearly +$3 million over this period last year. Everyone is doing it: Justin Timberlake, Matt Lauer, even Chuck did it! Now we joke around, but this is a great cause, funding important research. If you’re able to donate, please visit www.alsa.org.

And if you’re going to start a trend, please let it involve most of the NHL in what amounts to a wet t-shirt contest. (So you know – this took forever to compile. I watched hours of videos. It was grueling but I’m willing to work hard for you guys.)

Me: “No. No way. No way!”

Crosby Ice Bucket Challenge video. I first saw an Ice Bucket Challenge video on 8/7, when 87 accepted the dare on his birthday. I wondered for a moment it was real, or if I’d woken up in a fanfic – A Connecticut Yankee in Sidney Crosby’s Driveway, maybe.

Now who needs a cold shower?

Since then, everywhere you look an NHL player is taking the plunge. So here you have them, the very Best of the Ice Bucket Challenge videos.

The “This Looks Familiar”

Matt Duchene Ice Bucket Challenge video. Does Sid’s video have two blue buckets, a shovel and a black SUV in the background? Eagle-eyed Alison noticed this is the same spot. Just two dudes, pouring water on themselves and videotaping it for the internet.

Matt could have at least brushed his hair for Sid’s party.

Matt woke up 4 minutes ago.

Bonus points to Matt for nominating country singer Thomas Rhett, one of my favorites (who was also nominated by Justin Moore – the singer, not my husband).

The Intern Project

We said Tavares should wear a tighter shirt – so we know Intern Jeff Skinner still reads this blog. This t-shirt is left over from Jeff’s high school days, since we haven’t paid him for a day of work since then. And white?! What a flirt. Remember when he didn’t want girls paying attention?

Team Tank Top

Lindsay informs me that ‘dude tank tops’ are very much the style in Canada. I assume everyone there looks like an NHL player and so this has my full support.

Steven Stamkos Ice Bucket Challenge video. Careful using your dog to up the ante here, Stammer. You’re no slouch but he’s pretty freaking cute.

Let me tuck my chain into my tank top first.

Taylor Hall Ice Bucket Challenge video. #TeamHallsy starts his video off so seriously, you’d think he spent the summer doing Shakespeare in the Park. It’s deceptively tall-seeming thespian work.

The world is mine oyster,
Which I, with stick, shall open.

Jordan Eberle Ice Bucket Challenge video. Uncceptable resolution for #TeamEbs. He’s got to keep up with Taylor! Zach Boychuck, get a new phone right this instant. Adorable hair-fixing though, since Jordan knows we are watching.

Especially after this is Zack Boychuck’s video. How is that fair? His biceps are theatrically lit by the sun itself, giver of all life!

Also sporting the Official Boy Band Uniform is, of course, #TeamSchultzy. Did they have a conference call about what to wear? Or does matchy-matchiness come as naturally to them?

The “Dallas Stars Really Want to Be Your Favorite Team”

Tyler Seguin never met a shirt he couldn’t take off. Or something he couldn’t hit on. I swear he just invited a charitable cause and a bucket of water back to his place, and don’t stop rolling that tape.

Jamie Benn’s Ice Bucket Challenge video. Jamie would like to take this opportunity to remind you his hair is DEVASTATING and that he’s skinny now. (Too skinny? A little?) Never mind that tattoo of a graveyard on his bicep – they needed a place to bury me anyway.

Benn-d and Snap

In case you don’t love Jamie, he Tweeted the “Girl in a Country Song” video. This is everything that’s right with the world.

Also from the Stars, Rich Peverly apparently runs a daycare in the summer – and stuns them momentarily quiet with this challenge. They are pretty sure their moms have said not to throw stuff.

The Other Birthday Boy

It’s a shame I’ll never see #TeamSam again, because I cannot add any more teams to my list nor can I stay up late enough to watch the Coyotes. Sam Gagner did the Ice Bucket Challenge on his birthday, complete with a cake, a beard AND a white shirt. Presents for everyone.

The NSFMyLife

John Tavares Ice Bucket Challenge video. There’s b-roll of John then his shirt off and jumping in the pool right? That’ll be the deleted scene on the DVD?

Is this going to be on the test?

What I really can’t handle is his deep, teacher-y voice. If he started talking about the Large Hadron Collider, I’d faint.

That Time Gabe Wore a Shirt

Gabriel Landeskog’s Ice Bucket Challenge video. Perhaps the quaint, old-world and presumably Swedish setting calls for a top, but frankly we’re a bit disappointed in Gabe’s efforts to carry the shirtless-boat-selfie banner this summer. He gets named captain and suddenly it’s all business and no instructional pancake videos.

The US judges give this a 6.

He’s 21, You Guys – I Swear

And that was not me at the end with the extra bucket of water. Promise.

Guys Chuck Likes

The Bruins should hire Chuck to shoot their videos, because their Ice Bucket Challenges are astonishingly low-res. Remember why you don’t watch hockey in standard def anymore? Even dearest Patrice couldn’t get good production values:

Lucic is in focus – if that’s a good thing. He looks like the unpopular kid at Camp Anawanna. Stand up straight, man!

Kim Bauer Did It

Oh yeah, and her husband too. The Phaneufs Ice Bucket Challenge video. Alison loves these guys. I just feel bad that 24 made Elisha get scared by a mountain lion and abducted by a loner in a bunker in the woods around LA. Jack Bauer would disown that mess.

I think we’d all be friend with Elisha in real life.

The “Of Course Patrick Kane Has a Water Slide”

He probably has a slide from every single window of the house into that pool. (This was a life plan action item for me and Gator. Awaiting our invitations, Kaner.) Toews is so much fun these days, where’s his bucket?

Coach Q is My Favorite Coach

Many coaches, front office staff and even mascots have gotten in on the Challenge, but Coach Q’s laugh is the best.

My Goalie is a Banana

What can I say? I trust this man with my GAA. They even gave the baby a bucket, in case she wanted to party. Marc Andre Fleury Ice Bucket Challenge video

Just wait till you start dating, Baby Flower. Dad is ready.

Which is Better than Mr. Potato Head

Oh Jordan, we miss you around the Penguins.

The Hot Dads

“Hey, if I’m doing this, we’re all doing it. Then we’re going for ice cream.”

Chris Kunitz Ice Bucket Challenge video. From the man who dressed as a sock monkey, of course. Mrs. Kunitz challenged Paul Martin – thanks, girl. (Paul Martin Ice Bucket Challenge video)

Little Miss Kunitz says she’ll just donate cash.

Pascal Dupuis Ice Bucket Challenge video. Dear Universe, Please make the Dupuis Family into a TV show. They’ve already created the poster:

No idea Duper had a half-sleeve, or that I’d like it so much.

Craig Adams Ice Bucket Challenge video. Craig used a garbage can for his ice bucket and the family wore matching gubernatorial campaign shirts. Just saying, that’s a Harvard man. (The shirts are in honor of Anne’s father, former MA Governor Paul Cellucci, who died of ALS in 2013. Thanks to Chuck and Anne for update.)

Vote early, vote often.

The Overachievers

Keith Yandle (who actually has a face under that beard) went pretty big – three buckets vs. white t-shirt. His best move was calling out BizNasty, of course. Talk about bigger.

You know Biz loves it when we say “bigger.” He challenged some big names too, though we bet no one does it in their skivvies. Read about Biz getting his friends to donate their time and money to put this together here. And notice that TMZ covered a hockey player.

The Suits

Max Talbot Ice Bucket Challenge video. Max is responsible now. He has a wife and a baby and if he wants to pour ice water over his head in a suit and tie he will, damn it! He’s like Frank the Tank, you can’t reign him in.

Business in the front, party in the shoes.

Robert Bortuzzo Ice Bucket Challenge video. Borts, what is that tie?! Is the inflatable duck to distract from the tie? It’s not working. Also the shades on the duck + the white button down – this is going Risky Business later, isn’t it? We’re going to need the extended edition Blu-ray combo pack.

This yard wants to party, Project X-style.

Almost everyone’s done the Ice Bucket Challenge. I couldn’t include or even get close to watching them all. Notable exceptions are Gingeroux, newly married Mike Green (yeah right, on that hair?) and James Neal. I worry this means Nealmobile really had no friends, because no one has challenged him. Though he is on this pretty definitive list of players who’ve supposedly participated (here). Did I miss his video somewhere?

While we wait, check out the Tumblr dedicated to the Ice Bucket Challenge.

Hockey is Happening!

Pants — Tue, 24 Jun 2014 14:19:51 +0000

Welcome back, hockey people we haven’t seen in a long time! (Forgive our over-excitement. Our teams can solve this problem by winning more/longer next year.)

The NHL Awards are tonight – on a Tuesday. Let that sink in… Tuesday. Rock and roll. We’ll take it, of course, desperate and starved as we are. But not to overload Tuesday, hockey festivities began yesterday in two cities.

In Vancouver, Hockey Canada hosted an Olympic Gala and distributed rings. Sid was there, opting for a brown t-shirt because he saw how excited we all got about mint green the other day. Of course he was with Matt Duchene, who is turning turning into a country singer before our eyes. (No complaints.) PK puts everyone’s wardrobe to shame with zero effort.

Especially Dan Hamhuis. That color combination is so bad you can feel Pietrangelo and Weber begging for help as they stare into the camera. Jame Benn (Short hair, don’t care!) had to look away.

The next photo comes in two versions.

#1: THE CHUCK – Bergy and Nash being cool, hanging in the back, looking all cheekbones about it.

Chuck’s reaction:

#2: THE PANTS – Front and center but you probably missed it on first glance…

Live shot of me:

Tavares in a t-shirt, ace jeans and a backwards ball cap? Casual Monday-slash-I am dead. Just don’t let this be the end of pleated khakis, polos and belts, John. Don’t get too cool on me now.

Not to be forgotten, Sid’s shirt is okay too.

And then, his suit.

I swear he owns two suits and five shirts. When future generations of WUYS readers use the internet built into their brains to crack open the Crosby photo file, they won’t be able to tell one year from another. His whole career is “circa navy suit.”

Last night culminated in the Hockey Canada Gala. PK did that thing again with his wardrobe and Carey Price loved his beard as much as we do.

There’s John, almost appearing again. I don’t see a single photo of him in what I presume was a suit… not one. Who goes an entire pride-of-the-nation event wearing a shiny new Olympic ring and does not get photographed a single time? John Tavares, folks.

Meanwhile in Vegas…

At NHL Awards 2014, media availability, Tazer discussed contract extensions, his lifelong commitment to Patrick Kane and he even almost smiled one time [video].

Maybe he was thinking about his pink shorts.

Giroux was there too – I tell ya, this guy could make a girl forget she hates the Flyer. Whew. So much so that I didn’t look at the video title and see SCOTT HARTNELL WAS TRADED [video]. Nine hours elapsed before I found this out! If that’s not the truest sign of summer, take back my margarita.

It figures that Hartnell was only traded as far as Columbus, after the time they gave the Pens these past playoffs. Why can’t people get traded to the KHL? At least it was a swap for RJ Umberger (what I say when I think about calories for two seconds then order what I want anyway) and not Dubinsky. That would be from bad to worse.

Claude also discussed his Hart nomination [video], which I hope he loses.

Ovi spent the week in Vegas posting drunken Instagrams, then spoke about the Caps new coach [video]. I wonder how much of the second thing had to do with so much of the first. Of course I screen capped a rather smug moment.

The NHL Awards broadcast tonight at 7 PM. I am debating watching in real time or waiting until fast forward becomes an option. My “I can’t watch The Office, it’s too awkward!”-phobia is at DEFCON ONE during these shows. Either way, if I survive I will post tomorrow. With some actual hockey content.

Tyler Tuesday: And So It Begins…

Chuck — Tue, 29 Apr 2014 18:54:31 +0000

The Dallas Stars’ season is over but weep not, interweb friends!

You know what that means?

More of this!

And this!

And hopefully much MUCH more of this!

#SquatsSoHard

#HatTip to Tyler and Co. for even making the playoffs and for holding their own against the Ducks. I’m sure that Seguin would rather still be playing hockey, but I think that he’s gonna just fine.

Also fine (both literally and figuratively) – Jamie Benn. Seguin’s life partner will no doubt be spending his summer making Pants I and fall more in love with him.

Bless your heart, Instagram.

We are girding our loins in preparation for what Mr. Seguin and social media holds for us this summer.

This is actual quote.

Judging by the photos above, I think we’re off to a great start.

Bring on the Beards!

Pants — Tue, 15 Apr 2014 17:00:29 +0000

Happy Day Before #&$% Gets Real, Everyone!

Every April, we wonder how we got here – if we got here – and panic. Prayers are said. Shirts and jerseys are lined up to wear. Post-traumatic stress resurfaces from last season. And with all that comes something else, something glorious.

No, not the possibility of winning the Cup. We’re talking about playoff beards!

2013 Beard of the Year Winner

Here’s a look around this year’s post-season hopefuls, starting with, well…

The Pens TV feature was offline yesterday because the Penguins’ servers are no match for James Neal’s Gingerbeard.

Already GLORIOUS. Let me tell you James, since you obviously read this blog for tips on fixing your PR problems, the beard is A+. Glasses too. Plaid suits, yaaassss. Now keep your promises, don’t be a dirtbag and I may just remove your #futureexboyfriend status.

MAF however, has permission to remove this creation and begin again.

He looks like Kenneth Branaugh in Hamlet which is really just a gateway beard to Kenneth Branaugh in Wild Wild West. And no one wants to be in Wild Wild West.

Tyler Tuesday: Filling In

Pants — Tue, 08 Apr 2014 17:34:11 +0000

Chuck is on vacation and I am woefully unqualified to do this post, but I know @amy_gehring is skipping class in Europe and @wingwoman85 started her day on Australian time, so I can’t leave the world waiting.

The Tyler Seguin/Michael Del Zotto bromance that began Instagram-tastically with this:

Has continued both online:

And in real life:

The Predators had a three day break, and what better way to spend it than arriving early in Dallas for the NCAA Championship Game?

Let me be clear: I would not watch basketball if you paid me. But I would watch it with these guys.

Tonight, you can be a part of Tyler & Michael’s Date Night as the Preds face the Stars at 8:30 PM ET. Dallas is fighting for the last wild card spot in the west – they need to win tonight. Will Tyler stay with Jamie? Or leave him for DZ? Drama.

Since it’s what Chuck would want, let’s assume the season that began with Tyler wearing a cowboy hat on my birthday [video] will live on into playoffs.

Tyler has a career-high and team-leading 36G and 46A for 82 points this season. The The Bruins are far from hurting without him, but he has rebounded nicely after being shipped off to Dallas. We’ll see how far Texas can take him this year.

When summer comes for Seguin, that’s not such a bad thing either.

DZ’s pool hair… I can’t. [source]

You can spend it enjoying Seguin photos galore at shattered-lens-photography.tumblr.com and this picture of MDZ as a mermaid.

And after summer, there is always next season.

Foxy Friday: Jamie Benn

Pants — Fri, 28 Feb 2014 15:48:18 +0000

You guys sure are persistent. Whenever we ask, “Hmm, who should we pick for Foxy Friday?”, you all do this:

Ignoring you, we look out the window and see:

Ha, pitiful fence. That won’t hold you! Intern Jeff Skinner can only turn and flee as you stampede into our office:

Okay, okay! We hear you. You’re like that petition to the White House to deport Bieber – we must take you seriously now.

Foxy Friday: Jamie Benn

Damn, Gina.

We confess – Chuck & I have been resisting this selection because we’re not crazy about the hair.

Sure, try out the long locks. All the guys do. Then they admit they’re not Kris Letang and let the phase pass, like that time everyone went blond in junior, and hope the internet forgets.

No. Maybe. Yes.

Somehow, while packing for Sochi, Jamie heard us over you chanting his name. “All you want is a haircut?” he asked.

BOOM.

Jut to be clear, this hair is very, very good:

This hair is fine, under control.

It’s when we start getting to be the kind of shag I had as a kid, where my mom made a ponytail, pulled it forward and chopped it off, that we have to object.

Especially now that we know about this:

Jamie Benn, raising the bar.

Aside from the hair, we know almost nothing about Jamie. He’s never been (I honestly just typed “benn”) tagged in a single post. We know he stands next to Tyler Seguin sometimes. We know Jamie resembles our friend Matty D, who also lives in Texas, and that Texas is in a different time zone. But we can never remember which one.

~~At least we know his team’s not called the Texas Stars.~~ (Rats my joke is ruined by this being correct! Merrin points out this is AHL. See, how much we’re learning? Our fault for doubting The Hockey News’ typesetters.)

Texas Stars is still not very creative. (RIP: Albany River Rats)

So we looked him up. Based on his star turn at the Olympics and the many hockey-related accolades Jamie receives from gushing commentators, it seemed obvious that his on-ice play is something special.

Credited as someone with “tremendous versatility” who “never quits on a play” [DefendingBigD.com], Benn is a consistent 20+ goal guy. If he keeps pace, he’ll break the 30 goal mark this season for the first time in his career.

Jamie lead the Stars in scoring last year. This season he’s got some flashy help in the form of Tyler Seguin, with whom he shares the top of the stats chart. Look how far ahead they are of everyone else:

Benn has become the “face of a franchise” in Dallas – an odd title, not undeserved but seemingly dropped on him by a team that has let all their other faces go: Brad Richards went UFA, Loui Eriksson, Mike Ribero, James Neal and Brendan Morrow were all traded. The only other Star to ever outscore Benn was defenseman Stephane Robidas in JB’s rookie year.

The Stars move to acquire Seguin was a big one, and it’s paying off. Jamie and his brother Jordie have gotten some credit for helping Chuck’s favorite bad boy settle down in Dallas [link]. Tyler lives in the same building, spends time with them and, based on this video, has encouraged Jamie to be drunk at work.

Only kidding. But they do love each other.

Here’s Jamie flicking hats at Tyler after Seguin scored a hat trick on free hat day. Way to recycle the promo items, boys.

Seguin could be the perfect compliment to Jamie Benn’s personality. Jamie is notoriously media-shy and awkward (two of our favorite things), and has even been called “robotic” [link]. Yet his on-ice work got him appointed team captain back in September. Not bad for a guy passed up until the fifth round of the ’07 draft – who just might be coming out of his shell.

We are not the only ones to overlook Jamie Benn. He was left off the Team Canada Olympic orientation camp roster last summer. No ball hockey, no Bachelorette nickname, nothing. He sure showed us. With a point-per-game through Oct/Nov., Benn clawed his way into the ranks and was given a bunk in Russia. He scored the game winner in prelim play vs. Norway and then, with everything on the line:

Jamie Benn scored the only goal of the Canada vs. USA matchup. Team Canada advanced to the Gold Medal game. A hero was born and,well, you know the rest.

via CBS Sports.com

Let’s review. Tops in team scoring. Captain. Olympic gold medalist. And now finally Foxy Friday. Did we mention Benn’s goal and two assists last night in the victory over Carolina? Currently 8th in a very tight mid-pack Western Conference, the Stars need every win if they’re going to make the playoffs for the first time in six years.

Here’s a profile on Benn from the end of last season:

And another from this year, after he got the shiny C on his chest:

(Two more parts of this: Seguin and Prospects)

You can continue to ~~waste~~ invest your entire day in foxiness with features on Baby Benn (Part 1 and Part 2). Follow Jamie on Twitter (@jamiebenn14) and Instagram. Follow his brother too (@dartheighter).

While you’re at it, ask yourself who brings a camera into a sauna. Or who cares? It’s Friday.

Bonus: The Stars host the Lightning tomorrow at 3 PM Eastern, so you can wisely invest your Saturday too!

Thanks to all of Jamie’s publicists who sent Tweets, emails, gifs and pics. You’re all hired. Same pay rate as Intern Jeff Skinner.