So, while I wait for my fat pants to finish in the dryer, here is a list of five hockey-related things we are thankful for, because they just keep giving.

Toews is fun now. Take a moment to remember the Jonathan Toews you met years ago.

I still call my mom for recipes too.

And Jonathan Toews of today.

Cowabunga, dude.

Was it all that exposure to Blackhawks TV that changed him? Time spent with Kaner?Or is it just winning that opened his three-times-too-serious sized heart? It might have been his little dog, too.

The Sidstache. Be honest, you kind of like it! Maybe I am speaking for myself, but it’s not that bad this Movember. It’s still a mustache, and I cannot imagine a world in which I’d support mustaches for no charitable reason, but at least it looks mostly like a real mustache. And hey, it gets a whole month to grow. I am just preparing myself for what Sid will look like a month into the playoffs this season. When the choices are mustache or golf shoes, this mustache is looking pretty sweet.

At least you can tell it’s supposed to be a mustache.

Cabbie Presents… exactly what You were thinking. Cabbie is our spirit animal in the mainstream (okay, Canadian) media world. He takes what we are thinking, saying and even secretly wishing for, and makes it for everyone.  The Sid Selfie? Tavares Man Bun? Endless gems – and exactly the videos we’d make if it were safe for us to be within selfie range.

Please let this escalate into choreographed dancing.

Inside jokes. There are so many hockey references that make me laugh, a few have to do with in-game moments. From Intern Jeff Skinner to thinking “Girls love” every time Malkin is a dork, a lot of our random chatter keeps the game close to our hearts. Maybe Toews is doing a squat in Spanx right now (he would, on Thanksgiving, that overachiever). If Tavares is celebrating American Thanksgiving, I guarantee his fat pants are khakis! And no matter how much you eat, rest assured that Steven Stamkos is definitely thinking, “Hey girl.”

At his induction to the Intern Hall of Fame

YOU. We are thankful for everyone who reads WUYS, and especially the many of you who interact with us and each other both here and on social media. You guys are the funny, smart backbone of this place! You send us the best ideas and carry on inside jokes we would otherwise only have with ourselves. Thanks to all of you this blog is still skating along five (5!) years later.

Okay, a hug from us isn’t this good.

Your turn! Leave your hockey-related gratitude in the comments below. It’ll give us ideas for future posts, and maybe open our eyes to a few things we’ve missed in the first quarter of this season.

Happy Thanksgiving, Americans! And to all our Canadian friends, there is plenty for you too.

Me, circa 7PM tonight.

Video: Cooking with the Canes

I do what with my hand?

We didn’t bid to win a cooking class with Foxy Friday alum Elias Lindholm and Intern Jeff Skinner, but let’s be clear: making us lunch every day is now one of Intern Jeff’s job duties.  And we’re not talking mac & cheese (or KD as you Canadians call it). We want something with components and condiments and at least one vegetable.

The instructions are simple:

Yes, chef.

Foxy Fridays are sous chefs only. Jeff didn’t win Top Intern: Masters to watch some hack steal his rightful place. Watch over the competition with hawk eyes.

Working up to his Gordon Ramsay voice.

Say “eh?” as often as possible and don’t you dare burn our dessert.

BAM!

Be appropriately self-depreciating so no one expects you to cook every day. But we still do.

Maybe one of those “America’s Worst Cooks” shows next time.

Somehow, Intern Jeff Skinner is still only 22. That should give us pause since he’s been working here for a decade, but eh -it’s not like we pay him, right? Maybe we keep him around to convince ourselves we never age either, like the witch in Tangled. He’s our Mandy Moore.

We check our reflections in the Calder Trophy.

We haven’t heard from Intern Jeff in a while, and not because he’s been unpacking boxes at my new house. The Canes are having a… rough season, to say the least. With just 16 wins, they are last in the Metro, second-to-last in the East and 27th overall. Intern Jeff has 10G + 9A. That puts him a few points shy of his 2011-12 pace; a serious sophomore slump after his fantastic rookie year because everyone figured out how good he was.

I won’t post graphics of standings or stats – no one wants to see that.  Instead, here’s a a happy photo, and hoping the Canes can get a little something going in the second half.

November 2014. I hope he slid down the pole after.

#AllGrownsUp

Besides the obvious (#Sweden), I honestly had no idea who Elias Lindholm was.

But I do now.

Bless you, Ellie, for enlightening me.

Everyone meet Elias Viktor Zebulon Lindholm.

You can ring my bell.

Yes, that it is actually his name, and yes, it is all kinds of awesome.  Sort of makes him sound like a member of the Swedish Royal Family or something.  Name me one girl on this planet that wouldn’t want a prince like this of her very own.

Elias is foxy because he understands the value of learning from the Master.

A Jedi and his young Padawan

Elias is also foxy because he kinda has a young Mike Modano thing happening.  Or maybe it is a Mitchell Goosen thing.

Either way, we dig….hardcore.

“You hockey warrior! Hockey Nintendo!”

Elias is foxy because of this hair.  It’s fantastic.  But would you really expect anything less from a man from the land of perfect hockey players.

He woke up like this.

Seriously.  The flow – spectacular spectaular. WUYS Approved!

You lace the track. I’ll rock the flow.

Now, are we SURE he is only 19?   Because this is not the face, nor the beard of a 19-year-old.

#BeardWatch2015

But probably Elias’ best and most endearing attribute – his bromance with Intern Jeff Skinner.

Hey, bro. Let me copy your answers.

Rutti Tutti, Fresh and Fruity

Grumpy Cat & Travel Gnome

We love Intern Jeff Skinner.  If Intern Jeff Skinner thinks that Elias is good people, well then, that is good enough for us.

—-

Note: There is a distinct possibility that I will be meeting some of the Carolina players after their game with Boston on Saturday, so I’ll let you know if he’s cuter in person.   Stay tuned to WUYS twitter feed for updates!

This is Taylor Lautner and you’re listening to….

We could dial that back down a few notches to “attractive,” because Intern Jeff Skinner will always have the face of a 12-year old and be our equivalent of a little brother.  But it’s safe to say that he has well and truly ditched the title “The Justin Bieber of Hockey” – because Justin Beiber is still in a child’s body while Jeff is all dimples and built like Beyonce.

I woke up like dis.

I’m just saying: this guy still works for free.  Obviously we make him lift a lot of very heavy things.  Perhaps we should consider a clothing allowance since his outfits are so snug, but it’s not like we told him to do the ice bucket challenge in a white t-shirt.  The moment it was over, he – and everyone else – realized it was a bit too scandalous for the Disney Channel and ran off-screen.

Modest Mouse

Now Chuck thinks we need a new intern; suggestions are welcome.  The new guy can clean her office.  I will never give up Intern Jeff, who’s only 22, because he won the Calder even when I didn’t vote for him and we do a mean duo lip-sync of the entire Ed Sheeran song catalog in alpha-order.  So what if he looks better than I do?

Never heard of him.

I get paid to work here, after all.  No slacking off.

Who hashtags raisins?  #interns

Intern Jeff led the Canes with his career-high 33 goals last season.  The JStaal-less team kicks off their new year October 10 vs. the Islanders.  We’d like to see them do well – but not too well.  How does third in the Metropolitan Division behind the Pens and Capssound?  Or does that spot go to Tavares &  the Islanders now? This is the problem with having a favorite player on every team.

The Ice Bucket Challenge began in July in support of ALS research.  Read more about it here and hire Frates & Quinn for more marketing campaigns.  The movement has raised over $4 million, up nearly +$3 million over this period last year.  Everyone is doing it:  Justin Timberlake, Matt Lauer, even Chuck did it!  Now we joke around, but this is a great cause, funding important research.  If you’re able to donate, please visit www.alsa.org.

And if you’re going to start a trend, please let it involve most of the NHL in what amounts to a wet t-shirt contest.  (So you know – this took forever to compile.  I watched hours of videos.  It was grueling but I’m willing to work hard for you guys.)

Me: “No.  No way.  No way!”

Crosby Ice Bucket Challenge video. I first saw an Ice Bucket Challenge video on 8/7, when 87 accepted the dare on his birthday.  I wondered for a moment it was real, or if I’d woken up in a fanfic – A Connecticut Yankee in Sidney Crosby’s Driveway, maybe.

Now who needs a cold shower?

Since then, everywhere you look an NHL player is taking the plunge.  So here you have them, the very Best of the Ice Bucket Challenge videos.

The “This Looks Familiar”

Matt Duchene Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Does Sid’s video have two blue buckets, a shovel and a black SUV in the background?  Eagle-eyed Alison noticed this is the same spot.  Just two dudes, pouring water on themselves and videotaping it for the internet.

Matt could have at least brushed his hair for Sid’s party.

Matt woke up 4 minutes ago.

Bonus points to Matt for nominating country singer Thomas Rhett, one of my favorites (who was also nominated by Justin Moore – the singer, not my husband).

The Intern Project

We said Tavares should wear a tighter shirt – so we know Intern Jeff Skinner still reads this blog.  This t-shirt is left over from Jeff’s high school days, since we haven’t paid him for a day of work since then.  And white?!  What a flirt.  Remember when he didn’t want girls paying attention?

Team Tank Top

Lindsay informs me that ‘dude tank tops’ are very much the style in Canada.  I assume everyone there looks like an NHL player and so this has my full support.

Steven Stamkos Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Careful using your dog to up the ante here, Stammer.  You’re no slouch but he’s pretty freaking cute.

Let me tuck my chain into my tank top first.

Taylor Hall Ice Bucket Challenge video.  #TeamHallsy starts his video off so seriously, you’d think he spent the summer doing Shakespeare in the Park.  It’s deceptively tall-seeming thespian work.

The world is mine oyster,
Which I, with stick, shall open.

Jordan Eberle Ice Bucket Challenge video. Uncceptable resolution for #TeamEbs.  He’s got to keep up with Taylor!  Zach Boychuck, get a new phone right this instant.  Adorable hair-fixing though, since Jordan knows we are watching.

Especially after this is Zack Boychuck’s video.  How is that fair?  His biceps are theatrically lit by the sun itself, giver of all life!

Also sporting the Official Boy Band Uniform is, of course, #TeamSchultzy.  Did they have a conference call about what to wear?  Or does matchy-matchiness come as naturally to them?

The “Dallas Stars Really Want to Be Your Favorite Team” 

Tyler Seguin never met a shirt he couldn’t take off.  Or something he couldn’t hit on.  I swear he just invited a charitable cause and a bucket of water back to his place, and don’t stop rolling that tape.

Jamie Benn’s Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Jamie would like to take this opportunity to remind you his hair is DEVASTATING and that he’s skinny now.  (Too skinny?  A little?)  Never mind that tattoo of a graveyard on his bicep – they needed a place to bury me anyway.

Benn-d and Snap

In case you don’t love Jamie, he Tweeted the “Girl in a Country Song” video.  This is everything that’s right with the world.

Also from the Stars, Rich Peverly apparently runs a daycare in the summer – and stuns them momentarily quiet with this challenge.  They are pretty sure their moms have said not to throw stuff.

The Other Birthday Boy

It’s a shame I’ll never see #TeamSam again, because I cannot add any more teams to my list nor can I stay up late enough to watch the Coyotes.  Sam Gagner did the Ice Bucket Challenge on his birthday, complete with a cake, a beard AND a white shirt. Presents for everyone.

The NSFMyLife

John Tavares Ice Bucket Challenge video.  There’s b-roll of John then his shirt off and jumping in the pool right?  That’ll be the deleted scene on the DVD?

Is this going to be on the test?

What I really can’t handle is his deep, teacher-y voice.  If he started talking about the Large Hadron Collider, I’d faint.

That Time Gabe Wore a Shirt

Gabriel Landeskog’s Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Perhaps the quaint, old-world and presumably Swedish setting calls for a top, but frankly we’re a bit disappointed in Gabe’s efforts to carry the shirtless-boat-selfie banner this summer. He gets named captain and suddenly it’s all business and no instructional pancake videos.

The US judges give this a 6.

He’s 21,  You Guys – I Swear

And that was not me at the end with the extra bucket of water.  Promise.

Guys Chuck Likes

The Bruins should hire Chuck to shoot their videos, because their Ice Bucket Challenges are astonishingly low-res.  Remember why you don’t watch hockey in standard def anymore?  Even dearest Patrice couldn’t get good production values:

Lucic is in focus – if that’s a good thing.  He looks like the unpopular kid at Camp Anawanna.  Stand up straight, man!

Kim Bauer Did It

Oh yeah, and her husband too.  The Phaneufs Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Alison loves these guys.  I just feel bad that 24 made Elisha get scared by a mountain lion and abducted by a loner in a bunker in the woods around LA.  Jack Bauer would disown that mess.

I think we’d all be friend with Elisha in real life.

The “Of Course Patrick Kane Has a Water Slide”

He probably has a slide from every single window of the house into that pool.  (This was a life plan action item for me and Gator.  Awaiting our invitations, Kaner.)  Toews is so much fun these days, where’s his bucket?

Coach Q is My Favorite Coach

Many coaches, front office staff and even mascots have gotten in on the Challenge, but Coach Q’s laugh is the best.

My Goalie is a Banana

What can I say?  I trust this man with my GAA.  They even gave the baby a bucket, in case she wanted to party.  Marc Andre Fleury Ice Bucket Challenge video

Just wait till you start dating, Baby Flower.  Dad is ready.

Which is Better than Mr. Potato Head

Oh Jordan, we miss you around the Penguins.

The Hot Dads

“Hey, if I’m doing this, we’re all doing it.  Then we’re going for ice cream.”

Chris Kunitz Ice Bucket Challenge video.  From the man who dressed as a sock monkey, of course.  Mrs. Kunitz challenged Paul Martin – thanks, girl.  (Paul Martin Ice Bucket Challenge video)

Little Miss Kunitz says she’ll just donate cash.

Pascal Dupuis Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Dear Universe, Please make the Dupuis Family into a TV show.  They’ve already created the poster:

No idea Duper had a half-sleeve, or that I’d like it so much.

Craig Adams Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Craig used a garbage can for his ice bucket and the family wore matching gubernatorial campaign shirts.  Just saying, that’s a Harvard man.  (The shirts are in honor of Anne’s father, former MA Governor Paul Cellucci, who died of ALS in 2013.  Thanks to Chuck and Anne for update.)

Vote early, vote often.

The Overachievers

Keith Yandle (who actually has a face under that beard) went pretty big – three buckets vs. white t-shirt.  His best move was calling out BizNasty, of course.  Talk about bigger.

You know Biz loves it when we say “bigger.”  He challenged some big names too, though we bet no one does it in their skivvies.  Read about Biz getting his friends to donate their time and money to put this together here.  And notice that TMZ covered a hockey player.

The Suits

Max Talbot Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Max is responsible now.  He has a wife and a baby and if he wants to pour ice water over his head in a suit and tie he will, damn it!  He’s like Frank the Tank, you can’t reign him in.

Business in the front, party in the shoes.

Robert Bortuzzo Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Borts, what is that tie?!  Is the inflatable duck to distract from the tie?  It’s not working.  Also the shades on the duck + the white button down – this is going Risky Business later, isn’t it?  We’re going to need the extended edition Blu-ray combo pack.

This yard wants to party, Project X-style.

Almost everyone’s done the Ice Bucket Challenge.  I couldn’t include or even get close to watching them all.  Notable exceptions are Gingeroux, newly married Mike Green (yeah right, on that hair?) and James Neal.  I worry this means Nealmobile really had no friends, because no one has challenged him.  Though he is on this pretty definitive list of players who’ve supposedly participated (here).  Did I miss his video somewhere?

While we wait, check out the Tumblr dedicated to the Ice Bucket Challenge.

There’s a game I like to play with Lindsay and Alison. I call it:

Inner/Outer monologue or Tomorrow’s Blog Post?

In today’s episode: my reaction to watching this video.

FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE, WEAR A TIGHTER SHIRT, JOHN!  And in Islanders colors, of course.  He’s like an Ice Girl.  I had to pause and rewind so many times it wouldn’t let me stop the video again.  

Then I got to Intern Jeff and had a fit of hysterical, boy band-induced laughter. The video promises someone named Matt Bollard, who Alison pointed out looks a lot like David Clarkson.

I may be certifiably insane.  I checked my work email on the way out the door and saw the biggest, hugest, horriblest project that came through for my coworkers to do while I’m gone.  Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.  Then give me John Tavares in sweat-wicking Lycra and Crosby with a tan.  

Nate keeps going faster so he can almost brush Sid’s arm.  WE ARE ON TO YOU, KID. WE INVENTED THAT MOVE.

Sweet mercy, a child who is shorter than the caution tape barricade.  My ovaries just collapsed like a souffle.

Please explain something: how do these people keep their hands to themselves?  Is caution tape all it takes to keep Canadians in line?  They’d have to put me in a cage and I’d still get out, with limited power of speech and no pants on, like Planet of the Apes.

John has barely been seen all summer, the suddenly THIS. He went away a few months and came back remodeled like Extreme John Makeover. And riding in the back with the bags, natch. Could it be that Crosby is getting edged out of his Matt Duchene bromance by John? Could Matt be any more like, well, me?

Clearly our work as John’s publicists/wardrobe consultant is getting results. If you’re going to wear jeans and long sleeves in summer, let it be this:

Can we win an award for this? Is that award a go at Phil Kessel’s closet?

Remember, started from the bottom belted khakis:

Now we here:

John looks so good that Matt isn’t sure how to stand next to him. We aren’t sure how to make it to October! And of course, we don’t want John to get too cool and stop saying “darn” or anything. Just stick with us and these jeans, kid.

And hello to their off-season golf shorts, boats-on-lakes and selfies.  Amirite?

Who will carry on this proud tradition while Gabe makes the post-season?

Before it’s over, a last look at some players we haven’t looked at in a while.

Adam Henrique

Someone just asked for more Adam Henrique around here and we are nothing if not obliging.  Did you know Adam was named one of the NHL’s Three Stars of the Week twice this month?  He was #2 the week ending March 2, with three consecutive multi-point games and the team lead in PPG and SHG.  Then he was #2 the week ending March 9, scoring a League-leading 5 goals to round out a 6-game streak with 9 total goals.  It took him to the team lead in goals (23), which he now shares with Jagr.

The week ending March 16, Adam didn’t win anything.  But he did look like this and we think that’s worthy of applause.

(SI.com: The Devils could still make the playoffs.)

The Oilers

Pound Puppies.  From the high to the low – no Oilers are winning any prizes these days, unless it’s a summertime lifeboat trade off the Titanic.  Edmonton’s lost their last three by scores of 5-2 (Sharks), 8-1 (Flames) and 3-1 (Sabres).  The Calgary game was especially ugly, featuring another fed up fan throwing a jersey onto the ice.  And Ben Scrivens throwing it back.

Edmonton Journal story: Scrivens defends the logo.

His aim is pretty good – maybe he should be a forward.

Speaking of forwards with good er, bad aim, Taylor Hall slammed a water bottle and soaked coach David Tennant Dallas Eakins.  It looks far less dramatic than it sounds, and why does every Canadian news outlet link to this crappy YouTube?  Are you saying even in Canada no one was watching Flames vs. Oilers?  Now that carries some sting.

Both #TeamHallsy and Coach Eakins spoke of diffusing the situation [link].  It doesn’t change the numbers (EJ: RNH, Eberle, Ference second-half slumps), the standings or anything but what the team may look like when October comes around again.

Intern Jeff Skinner

Aw, Skins.  He leads the Canes with 27 goals, just four off the pace of his Calder Trophy-winning rookie season.  Everyone said he scored so many (then sophomore slumped so hard) because defenders realized they needed to defend him.  Either they’ve forgotten again or Jeff’s beating them – either way, nice rebound.  The off-season could bring big changes for the Canes coaches and players, with Jeff rumored to be on the trading block [link].

This job ain’t easy.

Jordan Staal

A name I haven’t said in ages, Jordan has 15 goals and 39 points.  It could almost look good compared to his trade counterpart Brandon Sutter’s 11G/13P.  Then you wake up and realize BSutts plays for the Penguins and Jordan is a Hurricane.  They were really going to be something, right?  I thought them a bubble team at least.  Maybe next year, or any one of the other contract years Jordan didn’t want $60 million to play 3rd line Pittsburgh center and ever see the post-season.

Tumblr caption, better than mine.

Shea Weber

Without the Olympics, and specifically ping pong, I might have forgotten about Shea Weber entirely this season.  Until playoffs of course, when I will miss his scraggly man-beard and erudite caveman spectacles.  He leads Nashville with 46P, and has a team-second 18G.  18 goals from a defenseman (3rd in the NHL) almost leads your team.  Oy vey.  At least the Predators have the sense to host a wine festival on April 24 – no players advertised to attend though, their season will be long over by then.

Mesmerized and Terrified: The Dan Hamhuis Story

Bobby Ryan

Just announced: Bobby will miss the rest of the season for sports hernia surgery [link].  He’s been playing injured since November until a last straw in Saturday’s game vs. Dallas.  Still, he leads the Senators with a career-low 23 goals.  Read that again.  Consider the Ducks’ 99 points and 46-18-7 record.  You could have let the guy play in the damned Olympics, at least!  Instead Bobby spent the Olympic break getting engaged (sigh) in Paris (double sigh) and then (we assume) reuniting with his cats in a moment worthy of Homeward Bound.

John Tavares

Welp.  Even without his season-ending injury in Sochi it would soon be time to say summer to our favorite hot middle school science teacher and part-time model.  We leave you with this for remembrance purposes:

(Seriously HOW have I never seen that before?)

 Michael Del Zotto

I almost left him off – it’s been a rough year – until he joined Instagram while I was writing this. (Practically true – instagram.com/MDZofficial.)  Could this be the man carrying the boats-and-selfies banner?  I would not complain.  Just watch out for sharks.

Don’t know what this is from, don’t care.

While we’d like to see some of these guys play into May or beyond, this is not the time of year to be nice.  There’s no room for 3rd and 4th favorites, for interns or Cinderella stories when my heart is full of so much…  excitement?  Is that what this is?  Fear?  Hope?  Bile the color of Flyers’ jerseys?  Just wondering gives me chest pains.  Other teams will miss the playoffs (please don’t be the Caps, she whispers) and we’ll talk about them when they do.  For now, it’s still anybody else’s game.

For two solid weeks in February, you’re invited to our party.

Okay, it’s probably going to look more like this:

But the guest list is epic.  It’s  comprised of every Olympic snub – and there are some bold-faced names here.  To make sure our party lives up to the Russian’s, we’ve put our guests in charge of bringing a few key ingredients.  Consider it a gift registry without the wedding, and you don’t have to travel 16,000 miles to get to this reception.

Beer: Staal Brothers

It was a long shot for Jordan to make it, but we expected Eric to be defending Canada’s honor.  Since he can’t do it in Russia, he’ll make sure we do it here. They’ll book the jet they chartered home to Thunder Bay for Christmas, load it up and land it close.  Hope you guys like Labatts, Molson and sod because that’s all they’re bringing.

Liquor (except vodka): James Neal

Beer isn’t going to cut it for Nealmobile.  Neither, apparently, are more assists than Rick Nash has points, plus 16 goals, in fewer games.  Or better numbers since 2008.  No doubt James’ recent on-ice immaturity played a part, but growing up will have to come later.  For this we need to break out the (you thought I was going to say ‘big guns,’ right?) good stuff, skip the shot glasses and just go for it.  (He can bring his regular glasses, though.)

Vodka (and lots of it): Alex Semin

I don’t like Sasha – didn’t like him on the Caps, don’t care about him now – but getting left off the roster in your home country is awful.  Especially when he’s got a long history of representing Russia in international events.  Maybe it was due to his concussion earlier this season, but even I’ll drink to the fact it was a shame he got snubbed.  The Ovi & Sasha Reunion Show would’ve been a hit.

Games: Claude Giroux

Gingeroux thought he had this.  Normally the suffering of any Flyer makes me giddy as a Disney villain, but leaving him off Team Canada was just fickle and redheads are always welcome at our shindigs.  Based on his ability to play beer pong and cornhole with two casted, post-surgery wrists, we’re going to bet Colde can find a way to shoot around the pieces of his broken heart.  Heck, we’ll even crank the heat and make it #shirstoptional.

$5 Cover Charge: Intern Jeff Skinner

NHL’s First Star of the Week?  Good for 66.15 points to my fantasy team in just seven days, more than double what anyone else produced?  Hat tricks all over the place are awesome, but he’s still not getting in for free.

Fake IDs: #TeamEbs and #TeamHallsy

We know they’re both of age, but @amandalitty is bouncing and she just wants to know where #TeamHallsy lives, okay?  Plus we are not falling for that matching outfit, ‘No really, I’m Jordan Eberle’ trick that Nugent-Hopkins pulled the last time.

His phone: Jack Johnson

We’re prank calling Crosby all night – which will be 9 hours later there and he’ll probably answer until he blocks us and we leave amazing messages complete with singing.  These are the best kinds of messages.

Darkness: Brent Seabrook

Resident widow’s peak and most likely vampire, Seabs ain’t coming out till the sun goes down.  He slept all day, so he’s in charge of last call.

Selena Gomez CD: Logan Couture

This was his chance, you know?  Everyone watches the Olympics and there was bound to be a hockey clip during ice dancing, which people love once every 4 years.  If Logan could’ve been that highlight then Selena would have seen him and POW.  We’d be hired to promote their starring roles in The Cutting Edge 4: Ice Castles in the Ice coming out next Christmas.

His laptop: Bobby Ryan

Team USA’s biggest snub is in charge of Tweeting, Instagramming and live-blogging this party as it goes down.  Cats are allowed but absolutely nothing silver: no Coors Silver Bullet, no Patron Silver tequila, no games of quarters.

Not this shirt: Joe Thornton

The last time we partied like we were in college… well, we were in college.  We might have overlooked this shirt back then but the era of poor decision-making and Ed Hardy clothing has passed.   For heaven’s sake, there is a design on your jeans!  Give us your wallet, go tell Logan that Selena & Beiber are not back together and we’ll take care of this on Nordstrom.com.

Not any shirt: Victor Hedman

Does this party have a pool?  Victor Hedman is probably tan in February and we need a lifeguard – all these numbers that say Hedman should have been chosen make our heads swim.

Recycling Bags: Marty St. Louis

What the crap, right?  Marty may scowl disapprovingly at the pile of beer cans JStaal has crushed on his forehead, but that’s because he knows when the morning comes (or say, a 38th birthday), he’ll still be here showing these kids how it’s done.  Marty is the Last Dad Standing, so he’s on clean up.

UPDATE – Marshall: Tyler Seguin

How could I forget this?  All puppies are invited but especially if they bring Tyler Seguin.  And Tyler Seguin brings his dance moves.  (Thanks Jess!)

Jerseys, mittens, hats and flags: You 

Of course this hockey party will have hockey, and plenty of it, at all hours of the night and day.  If you saved vacation time, use it now.  While not all of our favorite players made it to Sochi, everyone from home to Russia will be supporting their country loudly and proudly.  And in some cases, other countries near their countries (maybe that’s just me).

If I didn’t pick your snubbed favorite, feel free to invite him.  We welcome anyone who brings snacks or is qualified to drive a Zamboni.

Only kidding.  Congratulations Intern Jeff Skinner on his first career hat trick!

Look how excited everyone is!  Especially Jordan!

Especially us!

Not you, Malfoy!

And these people in the Intern Jeff Skinner Fan Club – Nashville Chapter!

(Psst: We told you so.)

Only kidding, TSwizz.  Sort of.

Forget that.  More exclamation points!!!!!  Jeff now leads the Canes with 9 goals – 6 of those in the last 4 games.  Hot streak, hot streak.

Last night’s third goal was an empty netter, but we’re not going to be picky since he doesn’t bother us about paying him to work here.  Speaking of which, that water cooler isn’t going to refill itself, Jeffrey.

First thing, okay?  No slacking off now that you’re big time.

After all, you could be like #TeamHallsy who had his 4th career hat trick last night.  Or more-than-hat trick.

Did someone bring an extra bra in her purse?  In Case of Hat Trick, Throw This.  Or did she take it off as the moment struck?  In today’s team meeting, the Oilers will undoubtedly scan the game’s raw footage for a shot of her wiggling it free under her #4 jersey.

Movember is over!  Hockey players can now walk past schools without drawing police attention.

Don’t be shy about watching him drink that water twice.

Intern Jeff Skinner’s in the office first every day.

And when I’m not around, he gets mad and has 3-point games to beat the Caps.

John Tavares is popping his collar, proving that not even John Tavares can pull off a popped collar.  (Just when he’s getting the pants right!)

Alex Steen is still wondering why we have no idea who Alex Steen is.  Foxy Friday, check.  2nd in goals.  Sleeve tattoo, yes.  What does a guy have to do?

Ovi leads the league with 21 goals.  He is also featured in Maxim Russia’s December issue dressed, I think, as Johnny 5 from Short Circuit.

From Japer’s Rink via Washington Post

After watching adorable otter footage, YouTube suggested I watch 11 more cute animal videos and 1 of Eric Staal giving a tour of his house.  How does it know?

Malkin is the NHL’s #1 Star of the Week AGAIN.  Geno, you’re going to become like those Bed, Bath & Beyonce 20% off coupons.  We get them so often they stop being… no they don’t.  I collect them.

Josh Harding has 3 shutouts plus a League-leading 1.45 GAA.  Did you know he also has Multiple sclerosis?  Right, you did.  The only person who doesn’t seem to know that is Josh Harding.  This guy is incredible.  Good goaltending is how a team ranked 21 in Goals For is 9th in the overall standings.

Meanwhile, the Minneapolis Star Tribune struggles with “Wild” as a plural.

The Blackhawks are the #1 team in the League.  They lost last night after winning 6 straight – a  little snag, that’s all.

The Sharks have also won 6 in a row.  Are wins free out west?  Where do all these points come from?  It’s not as of the Western Conf. is half undefeated and the other half never win.  The Oilers aren’t even the worst (or even 2nd-worst) team in the League!

With all the points and the Tweets, Selena Gomez please just call Logan Couture one time so he can move on.

Mike Green scored his first of the season last night!  I missed it and the Caps lost anyway, but still.  You’ve got to start somewhere.

Or not.

The city of New York continues to ruin our lives.  First this Jacoby Ellsbury stab, then the NYR re-sign Henrik for 7 years (avg. $8.5 m/yr), proving no one expects him to age – ever – or be beaten by the Caps in the playoffs.

Ugh, vampires.

Even hockey puns are making me laugh today:

That’s how you know that everything is working – mostly.  Those things that aren’t, well, there might be just enough time left for them to get better.

Perhaps in time for a February 6 game vs Toronto? [report]

Is he flexing his abs? That can’t be all the time.

Just kidding, that cheater sent Ben Smith in his place!

Jeff totally fooled us with this crap, like everyone in comic books and movies ever, and rode off on his Batbike into the night.

Guess he didn’t want to be the third part of our WUYS group costume:

Pants, Chuck and… maybe Carl Hagelin’s free.

Not bad, Jeff, but the balloon is supposed to be heart-shaped.

Geno, your date is adorable but we were hoping for someone more… muscular. Like last year.

Obviously Buzz Lightyear is all the rage this year – probably because these guys were born just before the movie came out in 1995.

Applause for Dougie Hamilton’s sense of humor.

Award for Most Committed goes to Nicklas Hjalmarsson.  Full makeup and this wig – he is selling it.  We’d rather have his wife’s wig (and never take it off).

Most Tumblr Friendly is, of course, Gabe the Babe.  His costume shopping will be featured on Altitude.tv in Colorado and shortly thereafter right here on this blog. Apparently there was a dance contest.  Dressed as Captain America.

Nice knowing you, Earth.

The trophy (get it, hunting trophy?) for Most Creative Couples Costume is awarded to Andrew Shaw and his date.  She, like I , made her costume entirely out of things she already had.   Just add deer.

UPDATE: I LIED.  Shaw was outdone by his captain.  Jonathan, you could have picked any Dwarf, or perhaps even Prince Charming, but this is sublime. Accuracy in action.

Courtesy of our own Amanda & also instagram.com/abickell.

Chris Kunitz, Winner and New Champion.  I love how this fits, like a 5th grader’s sweatpants with elastic at every end.  Like a Sunday night run to Walmart you hope no one sees.  Top marks for warmth, practicality and overall dad-ness.  Please wear this while taking your small daughter in a princess dress trick-or-treating.  Just don’t go to Crosby’s – he probably gives out apples.

More costumes at The Sporting News.  Happy Halloween, everyone!

While this picture is funny (and by funny I mean ALARMING and BACK UP, HONEY), the best part comes from our friends at @Section328:

Now, now.  I like TSwizzle and have been known to bust into a sing-along at the top of my lungs.  Her bangs and eyeliner are always superb.  Let those of us who recorded a karaoke version of Paula Abdul’s “It’s Just the Way That You Love Me” on family vacation in 1988 throw no stones.  We enjoy Taylor as long as she’s not assuming the most fun we ever had at 22 was breakfast at midnight.

But Intern Jeff Skinner, it’s time for a review of your time here at WUYS.  The whole reason for your internship is to lift heavy things get me a candy bar learn valuable life lessons.  Apparently we have failed you.

First, you gave her your own jersey.  Ho-hum-humblebrag, but be careful.  A hickey from Kenickie is not like a Hallmark card.  If she’s going to wear your number, you should probably make sure it’s the only one she’s wearing.

It’s not.

Bonus points for sparkly guitars.

Dear Pot, this is Kettle and I’ll call you whatever color I want.  The only person allowed to like this many teams is me.  

Nashville, makes sense.

Seriously, this looks like my t-shirt drawer.  And it makes no sense which is why I don’t get photographed by paparazzi.

Her Leafs jersey looks purple.  Next lesson: color safe bleach.

And this.

Well she is from Pennsylvania.

How many of these guys are still Penguins, Jeff?  ZERO.  You don’t see JStaal running to give Taylor his New Storm jersey.  Take notes.

Third, heartbreak does not qualify as a reason to take off work.  We aren’t going to make our own copies and screencap our own pictures of Mike Green’s hair.  The freezer is full of vodka, you cannot keep your misery-drowning pints of Chunky Monkey in there.

We will watch Bridget Jones with you, though.

Mostly don’t make us pretend to hate a Taylor Swift song because it’s about you.  You are not a new Maserati on a dead end street (Mike Green, however, has a Maserati).  When you’re 15, which is now, and somebody tells you to run like heck you need to believe them.  I can go on.  We know trouble when it walks in.

Remember this?

No one cared it was the worst Photoshop ever.  Girls mutinied against the interwebs like Sarah Connor trying to take down SkyNet.  Imagine what they’d do to iTunes, Jeff.

Back to reality.

We have no reason to believe Intern Jeff Skinner is doing anything more than standing next to Taylor Swift, or that he broke up with his actual girlfriend (who we’ve never heard of but she’s adorable and on Canadian TV).  This is more likely a bid to buddy up to Ed Sheeran.  All signs point to a happy intern with no vindictive/addictive pop songs dropping in the near future.  Plus Jeff’s hair isn’t really up to Taylor’s standards.  No offense.

Take our advice on this one, Jeff, since you’re clearly not listening to other things we warn against.

If you’re not following Jeff on Twitter then honestly I don’t know what you’re doing with your life.  He’s so pithy he clearly wants to us to let him blog.

And we made him serve it.  This is a job, people!

Jeff’s big day comes during the un-offseason.  He’s rather be in the playoffs, but how does Jeff feel about playing for Team Canada?  Proud.

How does he feel about turning 21?  Like an adult.

How does he feel when we tease him for having a girlfriend?

Haha, that’s about right.

Happy birthday, Intern Jeff Skinner!  Now back to work!

The 2013 season has not been kind to all those we love. Some teams, after these grueling months, could use a break, a tan and another go at it next year.  I’m not saying quit, of course.  Feel free to ruin someone’s playoff hopes on your way out the door! (I’m looking at you, Carolina, vs. NYR.)  You could score 3 goals, Stamkos, and maybe win yourself at least half a trophy!

Here’s to the teams we love, who still lost.  See you soon, boys.

Carolina Hurricanes

There is nothing more depressing than sad Intern Jeff Skinner.  He was so ready for this season – he grew his hair out, a girl sat on his lap, he was guaranteed more Staal-sposure.  Now he’s moping around the office, dragging his blue blankie and eating all the Whatchamacallits.

After a hot start, the Canes have lost… and lost and lost, including 10 of 13 games in April.  Cam Ward has been out so long he’s a myth, like Encino Man.  Dejected Staals are everywhere and I feel for the Hurricanes fans who had every right to expect a big, shiny, blond year out of their team.  At least they have tailgating.

Get these boys a summer, get Jiri Tlusty for my fantasy team and no, I still don’t like Alex Semin.  So there.  Just look at the size of Jordan’s skull in relation to Eric’s and pray that when you have kids, they are not boys.

More on the Canes season from the Raleigh News Observer.

Tampa Bay Lightning

If two hockey players leave the bench at the same time, and one is 23 and the other is 37, how many daisies does the mailman have when he reaches the train station?

The Bolts look at this and say: What do we have to do?!

You know I’m desperate when I start doing math:

• The Lightning offense is 3rd in the NHL, scoring 3.09 goals per game.
• The Lightning defense is 26th in the NHL, giving up 3.07 goals per game.
• A .02 goal differential will get you 2nd to last in your conference.

Marty St. Louis has 1.22 points-per-game this season.  That’s second best in his career, behind the 1.24 he notched in ’06-’07… when he was 31.  Stamkos has a career-high 1.20 points per game right now.  They account for 28% of the entire team’s points.  I’m tried of watching the epic performances of two of my favorite players go to waste.

More on the Lightning season, from The Tampa Tribune.

Edmonton Oilers

#TeamSad.  So much for my eternal optimism.  No number of gap-toothed smiles, puppy shelter visits, hilarious Cabbie videos or underage boyfriends is getting the Oilers into the playoffs this year.  We really tried though, with the collective power of our hoping.  Were we doing it wrong?

Did we not have enough matching golf outfits?  Or magic tricks?  It’s because Alison and Amanda never got their white board out to ask Schultz to the prom, isn’t it?

With absolute talent comes absolute frustration – and I could barely stay awake for an Edmonton game.  Now Molly Ringwald is having shoulder surgery.  Of all the teams not making the playoffs, I’ll miss the Oilers the most.

More on the Oilers season from Edmonton Journal.

Colorado Avalanche

When I first moved to the West Coast, I watched a LOT of Avs hockey.  They were on TV in my new time zone and hey, they won the Cup!  How else would Alex Tanguay be my lobster?  This year I haven’t watched more than 20 minutes of an Avs game, but it can’t look any worse on paper.

This is the 5th of 7 years the former Colorado powerhouse will not make the playoffs.  They rank 27th in attendance (85.2%), above just NYI, Phoenix and Columbus.  Pre-season expectations were not high, but last in the West?  Only 15 wins on the year?  They’re not gonna sell tickets off Landeskog’s Superman smile alone… at least not to anyone but us.

More on the Avs’ season from the Denver Post.

We will miss these teams and players, and hope they have better luck next season.  Also, consider this an open invitation to watch the playoffs from the WUYS office.  If Intern Jeff Skinner ‘s emotional eating leaves us any food.

Pants note: Most of these stats are from Monday, I didn’t get to post in time.

When there’s tailgating.

Us on a nicer day (next time).

The fantastic folks of @Section328 invited me and my friends to their pre-game party on our Raleigh Road Trip.  Rainy, cold weather could not stop them from setting up the tent and busting out the Chicken & Waffles potato chips.

Surprisingly good, but not as good as the pork tacos.

As promised, there was a game of cornhole… at which I was bad.  Roberto Luongo on a bad night bad.  No one made fun of me (out loud), which is like no one laughing at Jennifer Lawrence for falling up the Oscar stairs.  So polite.

@MattyDTX trying to coach me.

Leigh showing Michelle (and everyone) how Raleigh girls do it right.

“Little Baby” Intern Jeff Skinner did not make an appearance at our party, but that’s just because he couldn’t have dessert – alcoholic chocolate pudding. Perfect for the school lunchbox.  (Patron XO in the pudding, Baileys in the whipped cream.)

It’s so good you might want to hog it all, no matter how gross that looks.

Derek at last call.

We eventually did make it inside, I promise.  PNC Arena is really nice and we had great seats for the game – perfectly situated between center ice and the nearest stand for $1 hot dog night.

Too bad Intern Jeff Skinner accidentally texted Stamkos instead of Staal (they’re right next to each other in his Contacts) to say we’d be there, watching and cheering.

The message was definitely received, because Steven scored this goal.  That could be me behind the glass, flipping my hair and thinking, “Don’t look, don’t look, just be cool”  while inside you’re in the front row at a 1D concert.

Tampa Bay won the game 5-2.  There was a lot of mismatched-size hugging while Eric made this face:

Good thing we always have fun even if we lose (or I’d never make it as a Caps fan).  If you’re ever in Carolina or planning a hockey road trip, hit up Section 328’s party.  They will not let you down.  Until then, read their blog for all your “informative hockey snark” needs.

Leigh, Derek, me, Mike. I think we were saying “Skinner!”

It’s Canes vs. Caps tonight, and the DC return of Alex Seminsssnnnooorrre.  I could not care less.  I’d like to see the Staals again, but I have to work.  And there’s no one to spike my dessert.

Thank you, @Section328!

When we hire interns, we expect them to work.  When I drive all the way to Raleigh for the Bolts vs. Canes game on Saturday, 2/23, I expect Intern Jeff Skinner to play.

Jeff is out of the Canes lineup with an undisclosed “upper body injury.”  Don’t look at us like we made him lift too many heavy things.  He works for tips, okay?

But seriously, this big hit sent Skins headfirst into the boards last week vs. Toronto.  He finished the game and practiced the next day, but did not practice Sunday. [link]  Last season he missed 16 games with a concussion, so everybody hope this is a minor thing and not a time machine.

Just look at him!

The frown when he drops it… I’ve been laughing for a week.

Jeff has 7 goals on the season, which (he keeps reminding me) currently ties him with Crosby and Toews.  Well let’s have Bring A Guy Who Also Has 7 Goals to Work Day, shall we?

Read the article here.

If Jeff can’t play Saturday, he can at least come tailgating with @Section328 (but not drink) and sing us an Ed Sheeran song.  This ‘upper body’ injury is not to his hands.  Then he couldn’t play cornhole either and I’ve seen the Canes commercials: cornhole is the best part of tailgating.  (Except that it’s called ‘cornhole’ which makes me really uncomfortable and now I’ve said it fifty times.)

Even without Intern Jeff Skinner I still get t0 see JStaaaaaaaaal for the first time in aaaaaaaaaages.

But I was really hoping to witness one of these as well:

Yes, the game is vs. Tampa Bay so of course Stamkos will also be there. There are few days in my life when having Steven in the building is not an ideal situation.  Carolina currently leads the Southeast Division with 17 points, while Tampa Bay has 15.  Saturday will be a big game for both teams – BOTH TEAMS I LIKE.  Why do I let this keep happening?  I might wear my Bolts shirt for the car ride, but I’m rooting for the Canes this time.  My life is so hard.

From facebook.com/hockeymemepage

The last game I went to was a Caps playoff win and, as I said at the time [link], “officially the most fun I’ve ever had at a hockey game.”  The one before that, also playoffs, I dragged Gator out of bed at 7 AM on a Saturday like I knew something amazing was going to happen.  Then Mike Green scored the GWG.

If this is it, I ended on a high note.  Now I can look back at a few things I’ll take with me when we go.

Pants’ Favorite WUYS Moments (old and new)

The first picture I ever posted of Mike Green.  In the 2+ years since this post, our fandom relationship has had enough ups + downs to qualify as chick lit.

The Crosby Comeback (Part I).  Of all the things I could say about Sid – Where are you supposed to look when you look at him?  No place is safe! –  I love how excited I was for his return [link] and that it was a hundred times better in real life. [link]

The way these girls are looking at Jordan Eberle.  You can substitute another player (I wouldn’t) and some full-size chairs, but that’s us.

The James Neal shootout goal that named the Nealmobile.  It was the start of something.  I’m sure you can hear us in the screaming.

The blinding perfection of Steven Stamkos.  Also how high he can jump.  I don’t run away from just anyone in the street.

In Vegas, Intern Jeff Skinner won the Calder Trophy (even though I was rooting for Couture).  This is one of my all-time favorite posts.

The Toewsface. There are so many, each perfect in its own way.  Each one judging you.  Never mind the body it’s attached to.

Camp Biological Clock Biosteel.  And the start of this video where Nealer and Seguin check themselves out in the mirror.

Viktor Stalberg and Andrew Shaw show off their not-so-secret identities. Bless the girl who talks them out of their shirts in under two minutes, teach us your Jedi mind tricks [link].

My fondness for gingers hit a new high/low, depending on how you feel about Claude Giroux. [link]  You ought to be corrupted by now.

Speaking of: if you Google “hockey plaid suits,” we are 2 of the top 5 results.

Then I admitted that I love Danny Briere, right around the time he had to stand on a box to be interviewed. [link]

Gabe Landeskog discovered Instagram & Twitter, could not find a shirt. [link]

When Chuck’s team won it all, and I was really happy for her. [link]

Then my team won Pants vs. Chuck and I was really happy for myself. [link]  Now we actively hate each other’s teams, which makes this all more fun.

Finally I was convinced about Tyler Seguin [link], and Chuck managed to hold herself together. [link]

I didn’t do so badly myself, thanks. (Except for that Stamkos thing.) [link]

My one regret will be if I don’t see another Penguins game.  I’ve forgiven but not forgotten the end of last season, and I’d prefer to wash it from my mind with champagne poured from the Cup.  God, I was so angry at them [link]!  We all need a mulligan sometimes.

My feelings can be summed up by Nike Hockey’s new ad campaign.  What are you going to do, take away my Stamkos?  Sure they’re talking about the lockout, but they could be talking about the apocalypse.  Wherever we end up when this is over, I hope there’s hockey.  And Stammer.  Then cold is okay too.

Because #hockeyisours.

Mostly I hope you’ve had fun with us over the last 2 years.  I love this place and every hilarious, inappropriate, hockey-loving member of this little family.

And if the world doesn’t end tomorrow, you know what that means…

FOXY-POCALYPSE FRIDAY.

Now I’ve figured out where Intern Jeff Skinner’s been all this time…

Back in June at the MuchMusic Video Awards… stop.  Hockey players at pop awards shows and people actually know who they are?  BLESS YOU, CANADA.  NHL players can barely get on the ESPN Espy’s red carpet here, and only because someone assumes they are Jessica Alba’s bodyguards.  Anyway, I digress.  At that magical show, this happened.

That’s Intern Jeff Skinner’s mark, as far away from a girl as possible.  We did convince him to rock the white v-neck because all the cool kids were doing it.

Just when we thought it was business as usual, a photo of Jeff and Degrassi actress Cristine Prosperi!  He’s still doing the hoverhand but at least he’s next to her.  God, the awkward prom glory of it all.

Then right afterward… dammit, Tyler.  We obviously assumed the obvious obviousness of this, which ended in Jeff getting a ride home with Subban and Seguin, well, being Seguin.  WUYS hopes and dreams shattered.

Until now.  This photo, posted actress Jessica Tyler (on the right) from the Degrassi wrap party last night, was captioned “Couples Retreat.”

You like how I wrote that as if I know what it means?  Some things are so Canadian they are beyond even me, like Degrassi.  Rumor has it the show aired in the States, but if it fell out of the sky and landed on me, I wouldn’t recognize it.

It landed on Intern Jeff Skinner instead, he seems pret-ty happy about it.

With nothing else to go on, we give this Cristine Prosperi girl our approval based solely on her excellent taste in polite and handsome young men.

It’ll be great when we have her over for an awkward meet-the-bosses party, and she and I leave dinner to do the “Beauty and a Beat” round on Just Dance 4.

This post is brought to you by all those years I spent reading Teen Beat.

Apparently Intern Jeff Skinner is much smarter than the intern who captioned this photo of Eric Staal.  Either that, or Jeff’s moonlighting at the Associated Press.

I know it’s just a typo, but is it an omen?  Does it demonstrate why the NHL can’t afford a lockout, or simply highlight that a lot of people (who don’t read this blog) won’t care if they have one?

Video: Intern Jeff Skinner has great legs (bonus: James Neal)

This is my serious face.

There’s a moment where Gary Roberts says, “We don’t lay down much in our workouts.”, but he looks like no fun at all so I’ll just bite my tongue.

My first thought is that Jeff has a surprisingly deep voice to go with those gams.

Second thought: If James Neal sat behind me, I’d work a lot harder too.

There’s a glimpse of Nealmobile’s mystery tattoo in this video (inside right bicep).   I know it says PANTS, but I want to see it!  The first person who gets a picture will receive a case of Mexicolas delivered by Intern Jeff.

After watching that, don’t you want to hit it?  (I mean the gym, pervs.)  Run around the block or something?  I do.  Then I watched this:

Video: James Neal and Jeff Skinner demonstrate my inadequacy

A race consisting of one pull up, one push up, then again, with no stops for throwing up on your sneakers.

I’ve been training hard all summer for a Tough Mudder race (Sept 8!) and I still cannot do one single pull up.  I can run 12 miles but cannot lift my body weight.  Intern Jeff Skinner does them one-handed while taking phone messages in the office.  UGH!

This would be very disheartening if you didn’t notice that Nealer is cheating.

Those are some girly push-ups, James.  Twice he gets called out on it.  Gary Roberts is so mesmerized by Jeff’s quads he doesn’t see James staying six inches off the floor.  We’re on to you, Neal (and thanks).

Not to be outdone during Stamkos Takeover Week here at WUYS…

Video: Steven Stamkos can jump freakishly high

Not for nothing, but that is CRAZY.  He’s 6′ 1″, so he’s jumping well over 3 feet.  I just measured my desk – 29″ – and started cracking up.  No freaking way.

 .gifs from h33nrik.tumblr.com

That last one… why do I even bother trying to say coherent things?

Next up – Video: John Tavares, hot middle school science teacher

It’s the hair.  Something about it says Izod polo shirts and boat shoes.

He’s about to start discussing sedimentary rock strata while I doodle on my Trapper Keeper and debate which would be more fun: detention or extra credit.

Also, JT91 looks like he sort of hates this.  He’s obviously very motivated… to finish this working and go do something else.  We applaud his efforts.

And finally, someone who tells it like it is.

Video: PK Subban knows it’s tight t-shirt season

Listed at 206 pounds, that means PK is lifting 306 lbs here.  He looks like he could lift my car.  He goes on to say he works out 8-9 times a week.  Somewhere, John Tavares just passed out.

Last year when we started talking about workout videos, the universe delivered.  This seasons it seems to have anticipated our request.

Quick someone ask for something else…