It was someone’s job to walk behind John Tavares and hold a sign that said “John Tavares.”

I demand to see your qualifications.

This is so obviously the job for me that I’m just putting it on my resume, because it makes no sense that I wasn’t the one to do it. Here’s the red carpet video.

Gives new meaning to “Climb the ladder at work.”

I could also have held the “PLAID SUIT!” sign, people.

They don’t call him “Stammer” for nothing.

Then, let me just get this out of the way:

Squad goals.

And by “this”, I mean my dead body, fallen to the ground, blocking everyone’s commute into DC. Look at these guys! Look at John’s hair! My enjoyment of this photo is the way a tween feels on the day a new One Direction album drops. I don’t Snapchat, but if I did, I would express this with the “throwing up rainbows” filter.

If this were The Hangover, Tavares would end up with the tattoo on his face. Take care of him!

Hockey clubs can’t even handle me right now.

Obviously the big story of the weekend was John Scott auditioning to play himself in the Disney remake of Goon. He not only went to Nashville, apprently against the NHL’s wishes, he owned the weekend. His kids and goals and his MVP award are all the things we love about sports. Perseverance, faith and, hey, talent (!) delivered with a smile that thanked most people and told some others to kiss his ass.

Proudest fan club.

The support of so many players and teams for Scott’s efforts was also spectacular. Sportsmanship, alive and well! This is what sports should teach kids: not that everybody wins, or gets a trophy for showing up, but that life can be tough – and you can be tougher.  Scott goes, for now, back to the AHL. Fate awaits. But for that moment, when someone said he couldn’t, John Scott did anyway. Bravo, sir.

This is the moment, tonight is the night…

In other highlights, PK Subban topped the moment he wore Intern Jeff Skinner’s jersey with a costume so perfect I can’t believe I’ve never worn it on Halloween. (No wig required.)

And PK looks good with long hair. Is that weird? Nah. These rest of the weekend PK dressed and acted like a million bucks-slash-his regular self. He even does a purple suit and fedora with a minimum of pimp-ness. How?

Most popular man on campus

In the weekend’s other best piece of performance art, Brent Burns appeared as the fictionalized version of himself.

“Where my boyfriend?” – Maz Kanata

Plus he brought a litle Ewok.

Biological clocks ticking so loudly, someone called the Bomb Squad.

Burns’ teammate and Former Foxy Friday Joe Pavelski also brought his son, and Minis Pavelski and Burns scored a goal in the breakaway competition. That drop pass would make any goalie disappear.

Jeez, Pavelski looks good. Sorry Chuck, but I think Joe Thornton turned out to be the Prince William in this family, and all of a sudden Prince  Harry (ginger power! ) is like woah.

Do you know the way to San Jose?

Other important stories:

Claude Giroux is hot.

Yes, you heard me right.

May I be struck down by the Penguins Zamboni for continuing to think this, but….

This must be how Liam feels about Miley and I don’t understand that either.

Probably driving the Penguins Zamboni of Shame would be Malkin, with James Neal uselessly shouting directions in English. Their little reunion this weekend makes me really want a TARDIS. [Video]

Malkin to Neal: “Good luck in the shootout… Look, he’s nervous.”

Take a peek for more from #NHLAllStar weekend.https://t.co/UKzyBz8qR4

— Pittsburgh Penguins (@penguins) January 31, 2016

Geno is also the person on Earth whom I would most like to hug. He feels the way I feel after a long day of doing PR. (Too bad it’s actually my job.)

Bonus Crosby, smizing through his shock that I just said I wanted to hug Geno more.

Meanwhile, Neal (:: sans gingerbeard :: why :: sobs ::) heard what I said Friday about Dierks Bentley and “everyone loves tight jeans”, and he delivered! Video of them skating together in the breakaway challenge here.

I know what I was feeling….

Also, James does not have the best hair on the Preds. There is simply no competing with Roman Josi,

There’s something about Josi.

Matt Duchene made his debut as a second-career country star. I hope this is an available search criteria on DateaCowboy.com (100% real website). Matt also were a cowboy hat and used hashtags #mullett and #yeehaw this weekend, so if music doesn’t work out, he could always blog for us! [Performance Video]

Matt Duchene is an #NHLAllStar in more ways than one… pic.twitter.com/F1RpAyLMfC

— NHL (@NHL) January 30, 2016

Tyler Seguin swore on TV, then apologized to Canada.

Then he made it up to the whole world simply by having been born 24 years ago that same day and thus contributing this to humankind.

Something for everyone.

I was going to say “mankind”, which is casually and confusingly misogynistic. Then I was going to say “womankind”, which is sexist because I have to believe guys appreciate a supernova just as much.

I didn’t hear much about Jamie Benn this weekend. Even if he did nothing but stand around and look like Jamie Benn, it’s more than I do all day.

“What should we do tonight, Tyler?” “Same thing we do every night, Jamie. Try to take over the world.”

(Jamie and Tyler were the only hockey players to make the Forbes list of 30 Under 30: Sports, reminding you they are 1) awesome and 2) practically still jailbait.)

Speaking of jailbait, Aaron Ekblad continues to defy human evolution by appearing to be a good idea. His beard is so Max Talbot, right? Again, right-but-wrong. Should we just call him #rightbutwrong from now on? Done.

What’s wrong with being confident?

Then he posted a photo from his hotel room and (we assume) Nashville sold out of binoculars and protractors as people tried to figure out which window to look in.

Dylan Larkin, who is 9 years old (okay, 19), submitted his application to be our new intern by skating the fastest lap in NHL ASG history. Hey, we were spry at 19 too! (Lies.) But we like this kid, and not just because he can pass notes to Mike Green for us.

Freshman flash

I could go on all day – I nearly have, since it’s noon and all my emails are unread! I hope you enjoyed this and the ASG weekend. Just doing this post has given me all the feelings.

Live shot of my office.

Bring on the second half of the season!  (Now, if something could excite the Penguins, we’d be in business.)

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal!

IT’S A PIG! Named Truffles! It is in the Pens & Paws annual animal rescue calendar and isn’t it precious?!

You can see the whole video here. For highlights, there are hockey players and dogs:

For the life of me, I can;tt get a screencap without the arrow on his backside.

And puppies:

PUPPIES LOVE

And pets who’ve surpassed WUYS’ squad goals:

This pup rolls deep.

Stealing the show is our new favorite Penguin-slash-gingerbeard savior and fan of  teensy kittens and squatty fat cats alike, Ian Cole.

I’m calling him Cat Cafe Cole from now on.

We have evidence of the first ever wild animal to try to escape from Geno’s massive grasp:

It doesn’t work, of course.

And Sid comparing body types with this hunky guy.

How much do you squat?

Let’s get one more look at this.

:: internet sigh ::

And, hey, since we have it…

The dog is looking for his agent, because he was supposed to be the cutest one here.

Link to more photos.

We’ll let you know when calendars go on sale. The proceeds will benefit the Animal Rescue League and Wildlife Center. As the proud (er, obsessed) parent of a rescue pet, allow me to remind you: Adopt, Don’t Shop!

If you want to laugh at my dog obsession, enjoy. Instagram: blue.houla.

Hockey is upon us and I, for one, am not ready. Starbucks can sling all the pumpkin spice mochachocalattas they want, but it just doesn’t feel like fall until I see this:

Okay, now it’s fall.

Our friend Heather is a spare-time ace photographer, and took these gorgeous shots at Penguins training camp. In the spirit of autumn, we are very thankful! Follow her at @HeatherWeikel to see more photos throughout the season.

More than missing hockey, I’ve missed seeing this:

And obviously someone studied up on our blog before coming to Pittsburgh. This is almost a makeover right? I mean, maybe Phil’s a DIY kind of guy, and took on his own makeover the way we decorate our houses: Pinterest. Gingerbeards are in, friend. Long may yours reign. (Call us before you buy clothes, though. And don’t ask Crosby if your pants fit okay.)

In case you were worried the departure of absurdly handsome Robert Bortuzzo would dampen Sunshine’s smile, Heather has proven otherwise.

Though we trust he’ll be sneaking in a St. Louis game now and then – with us, of course.

While Geno is just wishing there were a porpoise or an armadillo around to hug.

We’re all looking forward to the season… and Sid knows it.

If I did this right (unlikely, TBH), you can click on any photo for a super hi-res version. All photos belong to Heather, so please Tweet her if you’d like to use one, see more or just say, “MORE PLEASE.”

But two drinks in, the bridesmaids are yelling, “DIBS!” and making shanks out of bobby pins.

The dads, like Alison’s dad there on the left (not really), are warming up their, “Have you met my daughter?” speeches.

While the groomsmen try not to look too drunk…

Even if they have to count reaaalllllyyy sllooowwwlllly…

And the married guys keep interrupting their attempts to flirt,

When they’re not laughing because they know how much an open bar costs.

But no matter how hard they try, there is always one guy who ends up going home alone.

Here are the full photo gallery and PensTV Video. Celina talks so fast that I am out of breath before they even get to Crosby, but this is something you’d (er, I would) probably pay a fortune to attend.  There is far less chance of physical embarrassment dealing cards than carrying plates, and I can’t help thinking Beau Bennett is a lot safer in this low-impact environment.

Twenty bucks says that Ehrhoff, tired of being left out, rigs the Secret Santa so he can buy Letang a selfie stick.

Because he knows we love guys in glasses.

The Dallas Stars also had a casino night this week. Furthering their quest to be Your Favorite Team, here’s video in which Jamie Benn admits his favorite part is “mingling with the female crowd” who sit at his table.

No shame if you just tried to buy a ticket for next year’s event like this:

Because:

So:

No surprise there.

PensTV has a video feature from the event. Everyone is always having so much fun, from the players to the kids. And who wouldn’t? Bowling makes awkward lumps of us all – except apparently Simon Despres, who owns his own bowling gear.

Work hard, play hard.

For most, even professional athletes, bowling is a great equalizer where success comes accidentally but often enough that you feel you might just actually get the hang of this someday. If not, there’s usually a crane game and maybe even karaoke.

Is it easier to bowl with long arms?

Not Geno, though. He’s a pro. He’s Grease lightning. He bowled two strikes in a row. [Video]

I am score.

How’d everyone else do?

I cannot work Snapchat, people.

Coach Johnston (who I think of as “Coach J,” as if he’s my own coach) seems like a kindly high school principal, guiding his charges into adulthood with calm and poise. I have the urge to ask him what to do with my future, so he can explain it in a way that makes me realize I knew all along.

Right, BSutts? Right.

Check out a few more photos at Make A Wish of GPA & WV. I leave you with this:

All that, and snacks too.

Donations to Make-a-Wish (still tax deductible through April 15!) can be made at www.wish.org.

Girls Love, Double Date Edition

That’s right – pre-mumps Crosby and Geno, part-time models.  You know I live for shots of Sid putting on his jersey (3:15 mark, someone gif that please).

Does this video make my shoulders look broad?

Put this January issue on your Christmas list.  (A lot of my Dear Santa items are Penguins-related.)

Our office holiday party is in 24 minutes, so I can watch this a few more times.

Mister(s) January

Geno’s pal Max Ivanov, Kris Letang, some guy I don’t know and Evgeni Malkin.

Letang is always going for it on Halloween, though we must point out the Mad Hatter is not a prince.  Disney, yes (so close!), but next year, let there be an Aladdin costume with his name on it.  Geno went to the School of Vampire Standing, and I bet his English sounds the same with those teeth in.

Sid is dressed as Rocky, apparently.  I haven’t seen that movie in 15 years, but he’s said before it’s his favorite film.  Imagine if his favorite movie were, say:

TROY

That gladiator costume a few years back was not even close.

TOP GUN

Still waiting for a photo of Sid & BSutts as Maverick & Goose from last year.

FIREFLY?!

Best Halloween nerdjoke of all time.

Okay, I’m getting carried away.  Here is your reference for Sid’s costume, and I’ll go on assuming that it’s some kind of challenge issued to the Flyers.

Which way to the stairs?

All in all, Rocky has nothing on the real costume winners of the evening:

Paul Martin, Beau Bennett, Geno, Robert Bortuzzo and Nick Spaling.

So many thoughts fighting to be my first thought! Borts shaved his beard nooooooooooooo! but it’ll be back by lunch tomorrow.  Should guys like Borts & Beau, so oft-injured, really be wearing platform shoes?  How is this not in their player contracts?  I have no idea what Nick Spaling’s face looks like, but we’ll know him now by a sliver of side-thigh.  Tough luck if you’re in Pittsburgh and needed white face paint for your costume – it’s sold out.  Also, how does anyone go to the bathroom?

Please say they watched Role Models over and over to prepare:

Mentor this.

Thanks to @Jrho for pointing us toward Max Ivanov’s Instagram for more photos.  Can we please give Chris Kunitz a 100-year contract so we have 99 more Halloweens to look forward to?  Last year, sock monkey.  This year when he scores a hat trick, everyone throw scotch on the ice.

Boy, that escalated quickly.

The Blackhawks always have the best couples costumes – see last year for reference.  This year they continued to raise the bar.

Photo from 25Stanley.com

Bryan Bickell’s rabbit isn’t quite white, but we get what he means.  (No, I didn’t get it at all, but Vanessa did!  He’s the March Hare and I need a refresh on some of these films.)

Photo from 25Stanley.com

Andrew Shaw and his girlfriend must know that I am going as Peter Pan this year, they wanted to make me feel cool.  If only my photos could have an incredible, awkward, derp-perfect photobomb by RoboToews.

I. Am. Fun. Now. Binary Solo!

I wish for one day the Hawks website would make that Toews’ roster photo.

Shiny pants, Jon.

Send us more Halloween photos when you see them, including yours if they are hockey-themed!  We’ll be here working on the candy corn.

Ginger Defense League

GAME SEVENS FOR ALL OUR TEAMS!  We’re supposed to love it, right?  This is what sports are all about?

Classy ladies

YES. PUNCHING.  I will see you guys tonight.  For additional inspiration, enjoy this video – and Sid’s beard, which I really do love this year.

I’ll be over here practicing for later.

Lindsay, Alison, Emma and I arrived from Canada and Maryland on Friday afternoon.  That night we weren’t at dinner 20 minutes (or one drink) before Robert Bortuzzo walked in the door.

Let’s be honest.  How many people in how many places would get excited about this?  How often is that one person in that one place when it happens?  Well that person is Alison and that place was Meat and Potatoes and I honestly thought it was the highlight of the weekend on the first night.  It helps that Borts is 6’4″ and can clearly be seen from across the room.  We ate (good food, great atmosphere) and presumably he did the same.  Alison did not fall down when passing his table.  The trip was off to an excellent start.

Emma, Alison, myself, Lindsay and Borts (not pictured).

Afternoon games are the best because you just wake up and hockey.  Saturday morning we managed breakfast before warm-ups, which found Lindsay getting politely razzed by everyone at Consol for her Stamkos shirt.  Pittsburgh people are the friendliest even when they’re giving you a hard time.  When warm-ups started everyone remembered Steven looks like this:

Right game, not our photo.

… and gave Lindsay a pass.  Don’t worry, she had on her Crosby jersey by game time.  If you watched the back and forth of the game, you saw Crosby score first and probably heard us screaming.  Geno had two goals plus the first star post-game on-ice interview.

I’m score. (Welp, foot injury.)

James Neal did what he always does when I go to Consol (both times) – win it in extra frames.  Last time was a shootout, now overtime.  He must know how mad he makes us sometimes – he’s that boyfriend who you keep breaking up and making up with.  As Emma would later say, “James Neal is every mistake I made in my twenties.”

After the game, we went to Primanti Bros.  You’ve all probably been there and we knew to expect the unparalleled marvel of multi-tasking: fries inside a sandwich.  America, Land of Innovation.  What we didn’t expect were $4 jumbo beers – how does anyone stay sober in Pittsburgh?  Yuengling practically flows from fire hydrants in the street.

After sandwich coma and a change of clothes, we did even more eating at Butcher and the Rye.  You should all travel with Lindsay and Alison – they make reservations at the best places.  In less time that it took Borts to be wished into existence the night before, Brendan Morrow and his excellent hair appeared.  We appreciated it for one moment… except he now plays for the Blues.

You can wish a lot of failure and heartbreak on an opposing team.  We wished food poisoning – and didn’t wish hard enough, based on the next day’s game.  We were busy planning knife-throwing crimes in case we saw David Backes.  Sorry Sochi puppies, but we hold a grudge.  Steve Ott was there too – enough of a directional beacon for hockey anger.

We were a bit stuck downtown and ended up at bar called Olive or Twist twice. Tumblr informs us that once upon a time, a lucky bachelorette party stumbled upon Neal and Crosby there.  (We hope the bride to be hadn’t signed her pre-nup yet.) We got only a sad guy on a sad guitar acoustically serenading us with slow-jam versions of 90’s pop songs.  His ballad version of “Bye Bye Bye” was a momentary bright spot.  There was in fact a bachelorette party near us – no Penguins to save their day, only Hootie and the Blowfish covers.   Still we were 2-for-2 on NHL sightings.  Well done, Pittsburgh.

Currently being painted on the side of my house.

Sunday was another morning of breakfast and hockey.  Penguins warm-up skate is always a highlight and they could make good money selling tickets for just that.  The game… was the game.  A strangled 1-0 loss.  Welcome to the stretch and the playoffs, where tension takes the place of fun!  At least we had giant burgers from Burgatory and cleaned out the PensGear store to the tune of Robert Bortuzzo’s only shirt sale possibly ever.  (Mostly kidding.)  We did get a Matt Niskanen intermission interview to match my new shirt and some incoherent shouting about turtles.

Too much… closer… perfect.

We nursed our mild depression before calling up @TheChadPGH to join us for dinner.  The hotel even gave us a ride in a van with a giant chocolate chip cookie on the side, and right outside the restaurant they were filming Aaron Paul’s new movie.  Got all that?  Dinner, Hollywood, Cookie Van.  We are VIP.

Chad was already at The Urban Tap and I have to think he wouldn’t trade what happened next for dinner with any other four girls who are not, say, SI swimsuit models.  It was that memorable.  We ordered more freakishly underpriced Yuengling and within minutes, Alison said: “I think Lee Stempniak is here.”  Yup. That was it – 3-for-3.

As we were still laughing, a tall skinny guy in a light dress shirt came in.   Really tall, like almost as tall as… and right behind him, a shorter, stockier guy in a dark blazer.  With hair like a Ken doll.

Me: “Crosby just walked in the door.”

Live reaction shot of me and Chad, hacked from a security camera:

Lindsay, Alison and Emma:

Life, in general:

That’s it.  I didn’t faint and the floor didn’t swallow me.  Impressed?  You should be.  Everyone turned to look – there’s no being sly in this moment.  Sure enough, Crosby and Borts again, joining Stempniak and Brian Gibbons.  Like normal people on a normal Sunday in a normal life where Sidney Crosby wears jeans and is not behind a pane of glass.

This is where Chad became a rescue worker in a potential disaster, keeping us focused, talking, alive.  Good thing because without him who knows what we would have said.  And how loudly.  Why does that matter? Because just behind the pole Lindsay was leaning against – Brandon Sutter.  He’d been there the whole time.  We didn’t realize until Borts walked by, squeezed between Lindsay and the table and yelled, “SUTTSY!”  Now, BSutts is Alison’s favorite.  Borts is on the list, and that’s rare enough, but truth be told he is no BSutts to her.  For Borts and BSutts to be talking within arm’s reach… this is Christmas, people.  It’s every birthday you ever had.  If Alison were shot from a cannon into a bucket of jellybeans it could not have been more perfect.

Just when we thought Pittsburgh had really over-delivered, there was one trick left.  The first open table was, of course, right next to the Penguins.  WHO GETS UP FROM THIS TABLE?  Who finishes eating and thinks, “I’m leaving to do something better with my Sunday night?”  The hostess pointed us that way and Chad’s reaction was just, “Oh my God.”

(You know I was the first one over there for the best seat.  I can fly.)

We spent the next four hours having an amazing girls + Chad night with the lovely backdrop of Sidney Crosby.  Borts too, of course, and Gibbons, Stempniak, Craig Adams showed up, Zach Sill, I think that’s it.  (Edit: Also Deryk Engelland.)  BSutts dropped by.  We pretended to care about the basketball game on TV, I accidentally ordered grilled lettuce for dinner (with cheese) and we kicked the keg of Yuengling.  There was some dreamy sighing and a comment or two about Sid wearing a blazer with sneakers, but we managed to be quite coherent-ish.  When it was over, Crosby and Borts left first then other people trickled out.

Now, I know most of you are thinking “WHERE ARE THE PICTURES?!”  Even my husband looked seriously disappointed when he said, “You sat near Sidney Crosby for four hours and didn’t even talk to him?”  He is not impressed by my motivation to (re-)marry up.

We didn’t ask for pictures.  We didn’t interrupt or talk to them.  We didn’t even discuss whether or not we would.  They were having fun (and so were we, plenty of it) being regular people.  It would have been awkward to interrupt, and even more so to sit nearby for hours afterward.  So while I will normally talk to a tree, and I did talk to Gibbons and Sill later, you’ll have to take our word that it looked like this:

And most of the time like this based on where the tables were:

Plus a lot of this:

And for the finale, this moment from In The Room:

Trust us: whatever you’re thinking, it was 87% better than that.   It might not have been the night for the best Instagram photo of all time – but there’s always next year’s 2nd annual trip.

If you can’t hold a puppy or a baby, the next best prop for maximum cuteness is Evgeni Malkin.  I swear, if I baked a cake and that cake took a shelter dog for a walk under a double rainbow if could not be more adorable than this:

Unless it was this – Malkin gives Neal one more hat .   And I am a chalk outline on the ground.

Is that a 71 GENO shirt? I want that.

Nealmobile had a good weekend.  He scored the OT GWG on Friday night [video], had a hat trick and  5-points last night, didn’t attack anyone, etc.  Geno, who’s sidelined with a knee injury, is also making excellent use of his time.

Here’s last night’s goal-fest:

It was Neal’s 4th career regular season hat trick (plus 1 vs. Ottawa, 2013 playoffs).  The girl who threw her bra on the ice after Taylor Hall’s 4th career trick was not in attendance, but I’d rather have Geno’s hat anyway.

While it’s true that the Pens PR team is killing it here, and James is obviously reading this blog for additional strategies to win back the hearts of fans, mostly he’s reminding Pens fans (read: me) what he does best: have great hair.

Intermission Hair of the Millennium

I’m kidding!  He scores goals.  He wins games. Helps a team that always seems to be down at least one superstar reach, and stay at, the top.

The Eastern Conference took so long getting ready for these standings that we almost cancelled our date.  Now the Pens are only 2 points out of first, the Bruins are right behind and even the Bolts, after 7 weeks without Stamkos, are in the top 10.  We may be late bloomers but we’re looking good today.

More post-game from last night in which James tries not to be too excited over playing alongside Crosby, lest Geno get jealous.

In case you’re not sold on Malkin, allow us to present:

Evgeni Malkin takes a shower.

Translation & behind-the-scenes video at Puck Daddy.

Yes, that’s Evgeni Malkin, Part Time Model.

Foxy Friday: Evgeni Malkin (Sept 2012).  During the lockout, I calculated it was 16,392 miles from my house to where Geno was playing in Russia.

And the coup de grâce: EvgeniMalkinwithAnimals.tumblr.com.

Since pretending to work is pointless today, enjoy some more Pens coverage. Hopefully you’re off tomorrow to see the 1 PM game.

• Sid talking hockey after his GWG.  Zero antics, predictably. [video]
• Poor Dan Potash.  If he’s not getting every interview interrupted by a crazy Russian Muppet, he’s getting taped to his camera guy by an enthusiastic French goalie. [video]
• Newest episode of In the Room, where Neal is mic’d, he & Sid bicker and Geno makes nice (3:00 mark).

Happy almost 2014!

Movember is over!  Hockey players can now walk past schools without drawing police attention.

Don’t be shy about watching him drink that water twice.

Intern Jeff Skinner’s in the office first every day.

And when I’m not around, he gets mad and has 3-point games to beat the Caps.

John Tavares is popping his collar, proving that not even John Tavares can pull off a popped collar.  (Just when he’s getting the pants right!)

Alex Steen is still wondering why we have no idea who Alex Steen is.  Foxy Friday, check.  2nd in goals.  Sleeve tattoo, yes.  What does a guy have to do?

Ovi leads the league with 21 goals.  He is also featured in Maxim Russia’s December issue dressed, I think, as Johnny 5 from Short Circuit.

From Japer’s Rink via Washington Post

After watching adorable otter footage, YouTube suggested I watch 11 more cute animal videos and 1 of Eric Staal giving a tour of his house.  How does it know?

Malkin is the NHL’s #1 Star of the Week AGAIN.  Geno, you’re going to become like those Bed, Bath & Beyonce 20% off coupons.  We get them so often they stop being… no they don’t.  I collect them.

Josh Harding has 3 shutouts plus a League-leading 1.45 GAA.  Did you know he also has Multiple sclerosis?  Right, you did.  The only person who doesn’t seem to know that is Josh Harding.  This guy is incredible.  Good goaltending is how a team ranked 21 in Goals For is 9th in the overall standings.

Meanwhile, the Minneapolis Star Tribune struggles with “Wild” as a plural.

The Blackhawks are the #1 team in the League.  They lost last night after winning 6 straight – a  little snag, that’s all.

The Sharks have also won 6 in a row.  Are wins free out west?  Where do all these points come from?  It’s not as of the Western Conf. is half undefeated and the other half never win.  The Oilers aren’t even the worst (or even 2nd-worst) team in the League!

With all the points and the Tweets, Selena Gomez please just call Logan Couture one time so he can move on.

Mike Green scored his first of the season last night!  I missed it and the Caps lost anyway, but still.  You’ve got to start somewhere.

Or not.

The city of New York continues to ruin our lives.  First this Jacoby Ellsbury stab, then the NYR re-sign Henrik for 7 years (avg. $8.5 m/yr), proving no one expects him to age – ever – or be beaten by the Caps in the playoffs.

Ugh, vampires.

Even hockey puns are making me laugh today:

That’s how you know that everything is working – mostly.  Those things that aren’t, well, there might be just enough time left for them to get better.

Perhaps in time for a February 6 game vs Toronto? [report]

Is he flexing his abs? That can’t be all the time.

Huge thanks to @alisonsykora‘s mom Heidi, who took pictures of every page with her phone for us.  She likes James Neal the best because she’s a momgenius.

For safety, Sam overestimated the amount of room Sid needs to sit down.

Chuck Kobasew, come back to the lineup!

Matt D’Agostini’s in this year’s “Winter Look.”

Kunis and puppies and sweaters.

BSutts and Co. giving @alisonsykora the puppy eyes.

The closest to Raja that Aladdin could get.

These puppies match Geno’s outfit (and enthusiasm).

Joe Vitale and the tiniest little friend! Eeep!

Sassy and Neal. Yes, the dog is Sassy too.

Crosby is superstitious of black cats, so of course Duper has one.

Mario has one dog for each Stanley Cup.  He could handle more.

Hug it out, Rob Scuderi.

This is Nisky’s own dog. I’ll be over here, rolling around in my tears.

Get well soon, Beau. You’re too ridiculous to be without.

This scrappy little guy has Brooks’ eyes.

Disco Dogs

Also Flower’s own dogs.  And socks.

One last picture – a selfie:

What James’ new official site does not have is a section dedicated just to this:

Or this:

So I still have some work to do.  The site does feature a Fan Club application that asks “Who is your favo(u)rite NHL player?”  I tried, I really tried to type “N-E-A….” but it just came out…

CROSBY.  Sorry James!  Lindsay said Stamkos, he’s not even on your team!

Speaking of the Penguins captain and this weekend, Crosby scored his 250th goal right on cue to prevent the Islanders from a comeback win.  (Er, sorry Tavares.  It’s crowded in here today.)

The mustache is still happening.

Don’t be afraid to look at it.

But down the bench, my favorite bromance was being rekindled in a big way.

Nealmobile had 2 goals and 2 assists on the weekend, including setting up Geno on a slump-busting goal to end a 15 game dry spell (worst of his career).  That’s what friends are for.

Geno returned the favor Saturday night with an are-you-kidding-me up ice rush delivered right to Neal’s doorstep.

Oops, wrong graphic.

See Geno go into the boards and James rush to his side?  My panicked reaction exactly.  Luckily Malkin was fine, just needed a little #18 TLC on the bench.

James had all the Pens goals in their game vs. Montreal on Saturday, sadly it was not enough to get the Penguins out of their own way and they lost 3-2.

Malkin was named the NHL’s #1 star of the week, with 1 G/7 A to lead all players. The Pens won 3 of 4 games and have 30 points, putting some distance between themselves and the Caps, currently 2nd in the Metropolitan Division with 26 points.

It’s Penguins vs. Bruins tonight, and a Penguins win would tie them (in points, but not record) for first in the East.  Chuck and I will be madly texting other people and ignoring each other obviously over social media, beginning at 7 PM.

See you there.

Just kidding, that cheater sent Ben Smith in his place!

Jeff totally fooled us with this crap, like everyone in comic books and movies ever, and rode off on his Batbike into the night.

Guess he didn’t want to be the third part of our WUYS group costume:

Pants, Chuck and… maybe Carl Hagelin’s free.

Not bad, Jeff, but the balloon is supposed to be heart-shaped.

Geno, your date is adorable but we were hoping for someone more… muscular. Like last year.

Obviously Buzz Lightyear is all the rage this year – probably because these guys were born just before the movie came out in 1995.

Applause for Dougie Hamilton’s sense of humor.

Award for Most Committed goes to Nicklas Hjalmarsson.  Full makeup and this wig – he is selling it.  We’d rather have his wife’s wig (and never take it off).

Most Tumblr Friendly is, of course, Gabe the Babe.  His costume shopping will be featured on Altitude.tv in Colorado and shortly thereafter right here on this blog. Apparently there was a dance contest.  Dressed as Captain America.

Nice knowing you, Earth.

The trophy (get it, hunting trophy?) for Most Creative Couples Costume is awarded to Andrew Shaw and his date.  She, like I , made her costume entirely out of things she already had.   Just add deer.

UPDATE: I LIED.  Shaw was outdone by his captain.  Jonathan, you could have picked any Dwarf, or perhaps even Prince Charming, but this is sublime. Accuracy in action.

Courtesy of our own Amanda & also instagram.com/abickell.

Chris Kunitz, Winner and New Champion.  I love how this fits, like a 5th grader’s sweatpants with elastic at every end.  Like a Sunday night run to Walmart you hope no one sees.  Top marks for warmth, practicality and overall dad-ness.  Please wear this while taking your small daughter in a princess dress trick-or-treating.  Just don’t go to Crosby’s – he probably gives out apples.

More costumes at The Sporting News.  Happy Halloween, everyone!

Based on today’s evidence, this court concurs.

Penguins and Pets Calendar Shoot

Puppies!  And cuddling!  And days of the week!  Wait, I got carried away.  Is this calendar delivered with an ice cream cake covered in sprinkles?  Do the dogs featured cost more to adopt because they, like game-worn jerseys, have been wrapped around your favorite hockey player?

TAKE MY MONEY.  Here is my wallet.  Also, here’s a receipt for juice I bought at Target, just return it and take that money too.

Nealmobile’s holding this pup as awkwardly as Mike Green did.  Told you so.

I would adopt every one.  Just get in my car everybody, we’re going home.  No more sad Sarah McLachlan songs for you!

There will be more photos today, and hopefully more video.  Please say they give Matt Niskanen a turtle.  I want specifically to see Crosby with the tiniest kitten available, and he fits it into his pocket.  Because it’s smaller than his hands.   You can take a screenshot and bury me with it.

In case you’re not hip to the Instagram, it is an online photo/video-sharing & social networking services that lets users take photos, apply a digital filter, upload them, and share them with the world.

There are well over 30 million accounts on Instagram, and while the majority of them seem to be teenage girls taking countless selfies making the duck face or people taking photos of their food (of which I am guilty), there are a few accounts that truly capture our attention – the NHL hockey player.

Their accounts aren’t run by some publicist or PR team.

It isn’t some slick marketing tool.

It’s just regular dudes, being silly and taking photos of their lives.

Instagram is foxy because it gives us, as fans, a snapshot into who these players are off the ice.

Instagram is foxy because it endears these super human athletes to us more.

Instragram is also foxy because it provides endless entertainment, in pictographic form.

Here are a few of our faves –

b_ryan9 – Bobby Ryan.  Lots of photos of adorable cats.

hank30nyr – Henrik Lundqvist. No explanation needed.

EMALKIN71_  – Geno Malkin.  Lots of photos of him being Russian and hilarious.

No52 – Mike Green.  All things hipster.

colbycohen36 – Colby Cohen.  A boy and his golden retriever.

bollig87 – Brandon Bollig. Beards. Babies.  Chicago.

jlupul – Joffrey Lupul.  Many photos of him looking exceptionally attractive. But sadly none from the Body Issue.

DD2527 – Dustin Penner. I love him so hard. So incredibly hard. Can’t we just date already?

harryz87 – Harry Zolnierczyk.  This photo alone is worth the follow.

tseguin92 – Tyler Seguin.  Recently reactivated.  Nearly not enough photos of Marshall.

It’s said that 58 photos and a new user is gained every second on Instagram.  So where are you, NHLers?

Time to get on your photo on!

So WUYS, what your favorite NHL instagram account?  Share it with us in the comments section!

from Geno’s Instagram

Well no, our obsession with boys in glasses began long ago.  Maybe it was when Chuck and I got our own glasses, or when we realized that we a) are nerds and b) like nerds.  Glasses may be more cool than Coke bottle these days, but the allure remains.

Smart is sexy.  The appearance of intelligence doesn’t hurt either.  It really helps if you look like you might read a book once in a while, and we’re not talking about the Official Strategy Guide for World of Warcraft.  (Kidding!  Mr. Pants has this.)

Based on the knowledge that girls do make passes at boys who wear glasses, here’s a collection of indisputable, photographic proof.

Foxy Friday: Hockey Players in Glasses

Okay, that’s unfair.

Now is the time to embrace your inner dork and give in.

Don’t kid us with your faux-frames, Kevin!  Kes would never do that.

Glasses can really improve any outlook.

They cannot overcome two earrings though, Buff.

And make terrifying things like Shea Weber’s beard slightly less so.

Glasses are a gateway drug for hipsters…

He’s since had Lasik, sorry.

… and at the same time, their crowning glory.

We haven’t seen these specs since Paul Gaustad left for Nashville…

Or since Chris Kirkpatrick’s turtleneck wardrobe went out of style.

That awkward high school photo of everyone, ever.

They can be used as a disguise…

Cape optional.

But if we see them on TV, we’re going to want to see them on your face.  We’re talking to you, James Neal.

And we’re not above getting your best friend to peer pressure you (or withhold breakfast).

Heck, glasses even work on Flyers…

And ex-boyfriends (who are now Flyers)…

And lobsters.

You don’t have to be a part-time model.  But it doesn’t hurt.

BONUS ROUND! Suggested by @jstefanc:

Happy Friday!

Last night’s Pens/Sens game significantly reduced my risk of a heart attack.

Malkin said Neal was ready to bust out of his scoring slump [link], and it appears Geno knows a thing or two about hockey and his linemates.  Not only did Nealmobile have 2 goals last night, but so did Iginla.  There were so many hugs.

And toe drags.

There were post-game interviews.

Iginla/Crosby/Neal

And the NHL Network Cisco Arena Cam, the most awkward “where am I looking?” interview in sports.

Interview video here.

There was also the Gingerbeard, looking more ginger and more mysterious than any mysteriously ginger beard before it.

Seriously, why is it this color on Canadian TV:

And this color on American TV?

It’s ginger either way, but Canada’s RGB – I mean the color model but this could also stand for Ridiculously Gingerbeard – is turned waaaaaaay up for TV.  America’s appears to be more subdued, in any lighting.  Are our neighbors to the north manipulating TV to make ginger beards appear more ginger?

CANADA, YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT.

Defensively, last night was pretty shaky, but not since Game 1 vs. NYI have the Pens looked so confident and composed on offense.  When asked if the Senators could come back, captain Daniel Alfredsson said:

“Probably not,” he said, “Their depth and power play right now, it doesn’t look too good [for us].” – CBC.ca

Call me crazy but I’m not counting anyone out.  I am, however, counting on these Penguins to show up Friday night to put this series away.  Mr. Pants’ birthday is this weekend and we’re going to a bluegrass festival Sunday, when Game 6 would be.  No one wants to hear me screaming for goals over the sound of a banjo and some spoons.

Not now, girls.

 Er, we may be feeling warmer and fuzzier and playoff-ier…

Seriously!  Hold it together.

Then someone says:

from NBC Chicago

OKAY, WE LOVE YOU AGAIN!

So much for being cool.

He should’ve known better.

Five outdoor games have been announced for next season, including Penguins/Blackhawks at Soldier Field, Chicago on March 1, 2014.

Also known as:

Or was it…

The show ain’t called Chicago for nothing.

Whatever they call it, we’re going.  You’re invited.  Get started now.

 Don’t forget to pack your:

Because this trip is:

Apparently this is all still being finalized.  Good luck with that, because you already yelled fire in a crowded room.

Or maybe she was playing me, and those pumpkins are my fumbled, oddly-shaped emotions.

The Capitals can juggle two things.  Or two periods of hockey.  It’s the third thing, usually the middle period, that falls apart and smacks them in the face.

My balancing act fails when my favorite team spanks my second favorite team so hard that I feel it two states away.

Last night the Caps took a 1-0 lead into the second period.  Then this happened:

That’s 5 goals in the second period.  And I loved every single one of them.

Pssst Ebs, consider a different color for your pants.

Malkin threading the top corner!  Neal coming across the slot on the backhand like he’s putting his coat over a puddle so your new shoes don’t get wet on the way to dinner!

I even experimented with Things that Can be Done in Five Minutes:

1) I make a sandwich.

2) Crosby scores a goal.  On order.

He wouldn’t take half your sandwich after.  He’s that kind of guy.

But the second period was also my nightmare.  I hate to see the Caps get embarrassed, especially now when their mental state (or is it mine?) is fragile and their confidence shot.  I’ve started making outrageous bargains with the universe, like “If I found a magic lamp, I’d use one wish to help the Caps” and “If I give up bagels, the Caps will start winning.”

Shockingly, that hasn’t worked.  The fates do not care what I eat for breakfast.

Is it panic time now?  Everywhere you look, people are piling up kindling like they’re going to burn the Caps for the insurance money.

I can offer no remedies for the Caps except baked goods, and this situation is beyond even cupcakes.  So I’ll just watch through my fingers and hope that somehow, someway, this turns around before all is lost for the Caps in 2013.

Frankly, I cannot risk depressed Mike Green getting any more tattoos.  Mikey Monday could be on the line here, people.  This is serious.