Source: Twitter

There is a space for volunteers.  AND IT IS BLANK.

Alas, the enterprise of TSN is not to be underestimated.  They were live on the scene with camera equipment, like any good reality-based programming would be.  To honor their commitment, we present Team Canada hopefuls in…

If you don’t watch The Bachelorette… well neither do I.  But I enjoy the scathing wit and hilarious nicknames of BachCap on lostangelesblog.com.  In that spirit, we bring you this season’s contestants [full video].  At first there are so many, you can only categorize them as:

The Hot One

Too obvious?  No.  One guy is always really, really ridiculously good looking.  Out of the girl’s league.  Out of everyone’s league.  You kind of hate him until you find out he rescues puppies and shovels snow for old ladies and reads iambic pentameter to goldfish.  Then you just wonder what on Earth kind of moisturizer Sidney Crosby uses.

The Married Guy

One contestant always looks like a fake.  Like he told his wife he’d be in Shanghai on business for two weeks and will only confess/divorce to being on The Bachelorette if he doesn’t get kicked off in the first episode.  To cement the role, Duncan Keith obviously has a newborn child at home.

The Confidence Guy

We don’t mean “con man” in this sense, we mean the guy who walks into a room and instantly makes everyone feel like they skipped a shower and borrowed Mom’s favorite cat sweatshirt on laundry day.  You look at this guy and wonder why you even try.  Then Confidence Guy brings you a beer, asks about your favorite book and the entire TV audience is in love with Steven Stamkos before the Bachelorette even comes down the stairs.

The Kid

The Bachelorette’s first words will be, “He’s too young for me.”  Then she’ll gush – and we mean GUSH – about how energetic, enthusiastic and positive he is, how he has less baggage and his whole outlook is rosy.  Because this chick didn’t become the Bachelorette by having a series of great relationships.  Basically the last Bachelor liked her soooooooo much that he almost just barely didn’t ask some other girl to marry him.  After that, Taylor Hall looks like freshly fallen snow.  In a Lululemon pullover.

The Sleeper

He’s cute.  He’s nice.  There’s an embarrassing on camera moment, during a pontoon boat-and-private island luau group date where she forgets his name.  He’s completely adequate in every unchallenging way, which is why suddenly there are only three roses left and this guy’s still in the room.  The he busts out his guitar for an a capella, “You don’t know you’re beautiful… That’s What Makes You Beautiful!” and BAM.  The Hot Guy’s crying the back of a limo and Corey Crawford’s on the cover of People Magazine.

The Hair

Any date involving motorcycle rides, surfing or the general blowing of a fair breeze and the camera will zoom in for a slow motion hair flip that no girl could pull of so coquettishly.  You may not remember Braden’s name, but calling him The Dread Pirate Roberts will be the highlight of your Monday night.

The Freshman

Not to be mistaken for The Kid, The Freshman is old enough to play the game.  In fact he memorized the rule book, the strategy guide, the bylaws and did ALL the homework before he was dressed a half an hour early for the limo pickup.  He’s more ready for this than the Bachelorette herself.  Just wait till the Hometown date – every mom in TV land has been screaming for the Bachelorette to pick John Tavares.

The Quiet One

A lot of guys make a lot of noise.  The Quiet One waits it out, a bashful smile here and there, and a smart Bachelorette takes the bait.  When this guy gets the first one-on-one date, none of the other contestants can even remember what Patrice looks like.  But we know.

The Bad Boy

Let’s be honest, Bachelorette.  James Neal is not going to call you back.  John Tavares will call you 57 times before James even reads the text you sent.  You’ll only answer John’s call in case that’s the very moment James calls and gets voicemail.  What if he doesn’t leave a message?  Will your phone show a missed call?  James is the first guy the Bachelorette is making out with – and no one knows that better than he does.

There’s SO much more from camp already:

• Hockey Canada Press Conference video – Sid, Shea Weber, Roberto Luongo, Bergeron, Rick Nash at the 39 minute mark
• Team Canada ball hockey scrimmage with photo gallery.
• This picture of John Tavares.
• All in their uniforms, on their way to school work.
• Everybody in shorts.  I mean everybody.  (More contestants to be introduced as The Bachelorette continues.)
• Crosby at golf.  Full length.  Oh, Stammer‘s there too.
• We are still #TeamEbs.

I could go on all day.  Thanks to Lindsay and Alison for 100% legwork on these photos.  There will be new guys, nicknames and a few will even be voted off, but you must wait until the next episode of The Bachelorette.

Whatever you expected from a Patrick Kane party, you were underestimating.

SWEDES, you have passed us!! (photo by @jstefanc)

Police barricades can’t stop this cute at the Hawks parade. (also by @jstefanc)

Drunk Toews getting off the drunk bus by holding onto the stripper pole.

Kaner letting a guy with this mustache get all up on his trunk.

Corey Crawford, heavyweight f-bomb champion of the day.

Patrick Kane doing exactly that I’d do with the Cup AGAIN – take it to see Jimmy Buffett and Mac McAnally!

All these people who had more fun than we did on Friday.

Babies with the Cup.

And finally, this photo of Viktor Stalberg’s girlfriend that explains life, the universe and everything.

We’re with you, honey.

I’m a publicist in real life, which generally leads me to desire a talking ban on everyone until their comments have been approved.  But that’s my dream world.

Last night, Duncan Keith made a probably sexist, definitely stupid remark to a female reporter after the Blackhawks loss to Vancouver.  From Puck Daddy:

• Keith: “What did you see?”
• Thomson: “Well, there it looked like there was a penalty that went undetected. You seemed a bit frustrated.”
• Keith: “Oh, no. I don’t think there was. I think he scored a nice goal, and that’s what the ref saw. Maybe we should get you as a ref maybe, hey?
• Thomson: “Yeah, maybe. Can’t skate though.”
• Keith: “First female referee. Can’t probably play either, right? But you’re thinking the game, like you know it? Seeya.”

This woman has likely heard worse on her way from the car to the rink, and she even Tweeted jokingly about it renewing the rivalry.  While I don’t think Duncan Keith hates women or any such nonsense, the part about her gender is so intensely stupid, so conversationally desperate that it makes me see red.

Also, in general it’s a good rule not to be a dick.  Sure, he’s frustrated.  The Hawks have only lost 6 games all year and he clearly has no idea how to handle the rampant devastation that results in crying himself to sleep on a giant fucking pile of money.  Since a single game loss is so eviscerating to DK, so obviously a sign that he cannot perform his job, then no wonder he thinks this woman can’t do any job at all.  Ridiculous, right?  Let’s be equal-opportunity jerks, at least.

Sarcasm – it’s for everyone!

Continuing this trend, Tyler Seguin used the phrase “no homo” in a Tweet yesterday.  Then he deleted it.  Hahaha – as if that ever worked. From SBNation:

He has since apologized for the reference.  It’s offensive, of course, but one of those phrases so widely used that I doubt he thought anything at the time.  He should have.  He wasn’t delivered by stork to the Bruins locker room yesterday, so he should know better than to put something in the kind of writing that you can never erase.  Just because he used a discriminatory term in a casual way doesn’t take away it’s meaning – even if that’s not what he meant.

Tyler Tweeted two apologies… I’m going out on a limb to say he only wrote one of them.  Left the period off the latest when cutting and pasting, for authenticity.

Then there is Matt Cooke.  Increasingly demoted from true asshole status over the last few seasons, if this story from Puck Daddy is at all true, then he’s on the list today too.  The source is so suspect that I believe Matt gets a pass.

Also foxy – the same hockey players with puppies.

Seriously.

I double dog dare you to find anything foxier. (Don’t even try.  Because you won’t.)

This week’s Foxy Friday is dedicated to those furry and fabulous canine companions of our most popular Foxy Friday honorees…and a few that were just to adorable not to mention.

Teemu Dog

Landeskog Dog

Sharp Dog

Crosby Dog

Keith Dog

Campbell Dog

Letang Dog

Tazer Dog.
(Come on, Jonathan.  It’s an adorable puppy. Why so serious?) 

Eberle Dog.

Neal Dog.

Lundqvist Dog.
(also, can we talk about those hips? King Henrik’s, not the dog’s)

SEGGY PUPPY!!!!

And the mutha of all…

Nash Dog!

Here are few that we just had to include.

Warning: Squeeee factor on these is about eleventy billion.

Nuge Dogs.

Colby Cohen Dog.

Parros and a very big puppy.

No question that’s a dirty play.  Daniel Sedin struggled back to the bench, played one more shift then went to the dressing room [link].  Keith got an elbowing minor and now everyone fully expects him to be suspended.

Shane Doan just got Shanabanned 3 games for elbowing Jamie Benn [link].  Mike Green served 3 games.  But this looks more like Rene Bourque’s hit on Nicklas Backstrom (grrrrrrrrr) that earned a 5-game suspension.  Both Borque and Doan are repeat offenders – this would be Keith’s first suspension.  (Green’s previous suspension was more than 18 months ago, so not classified as a repeat offender – link.)

The NHL has not yet announced a hearing, but with four days till the Hawks play again there is no rush.  Sedin will be re-evaluated today in Vancouver and any sustained injury considered in the case against Keith.  Henrik Sedin spoke after the game, saying Keith “did what he wanted to do” [link].

The Canucks are comfortably atop their Division and could still catch St. Louis for 1st in the West and the President’s Trophy [standings].  That dream takes a dive if they lose Sedin – their only 30-goal scorer on the year.  They play tomorrow night at Dallas.

Doan and Keith have both been publicly contrite about their hits [link], but who cares?  Time to start thinking before you get your elbows up, boys.  If you can’t do it for safety at least do it for your teams down the stretch.  But really, do it for safety.

Another thing I’ve missed up until now is the NHL All-Star Game voting.

I restricted my choices to people currently playing.  Obviously I believe Crosby should be in – he was more of an all-star in his few games this year than most people are in a whole season.  But if he’s well, he’ll get in.  (See the leaderboard here.)   I deliberately sent my votes where they can count.

1) Nicklas Backstrom – If Ovi gets in and Nicky doesn’t, someone will receive a strongly worded letter written in cut-out magazine letters.

2) Jonathan Toews – scored his 300th career point last night, overall superstar and BAMF.  You don’t see a lake named after anyone else.

3) James Neal – needs no explanation. HONK!

4) Duncan Keith – Did you see him rob Matt Cullen on a shorthanded breakaway last night?  Norris Trophy, what?

5) Shea Weber – 100+ MPH shot, massive blocking body, all-star playoff beard, friends with Dierks Bentley.  Scored from the cheap seats (and we mean in the net!).  Haven’t seen it?  Puck Daddy has it, they always do [link].

6) Marc-Andre Fleury – Forever holding it down in the back, never knowing who might be available to stand in front of him every night.  And for the off chance he’ll spin like a ballerina or sass Carey Price.

You can vote up to 30 times at vote.nhl.com.  I’ll let you guys win the trip to Ottawa, because I’ll be on my honeymoon until that Saturday. I’m missing the draft and  skills competitions in real-time, so Chuck will have to man the Twitter and express all of my squee-tastic opinions.

I Googled this photo, which led me to another WUYS post. Of course.

WARNING! Swooning will occur.

Duncan Keith is cooler than you.

And stronger.

With better hair.

And pectoral muscles.

Ladies, ask and ye shall receive.

Blackhawks Fitness Testing Video [link]

Blackhawks Stretching & Weights Routine[link]

Of course JT isn’t the only one working hard.  Hammer can be my Field Day partner – check out that one-legged long jump distance.  Duncan Keith’s quad is the size of my waist:

Seabrook’s hair is a World Wonder:

And Kaner owns this balance measure… he once used it as a sobriety test.

We see you, lady at the table. Eyes on his feet!

The Hawks kick off the season tonight in Dallas.  The game is on NHL Center Ice, so if you want to come over just bring pizza.

Patrick is *really* excited because him mom got him a new Huffy bike and the double chocolate peanut butter ice cream cake that all the cool kids had last year.  Duncan is psyched because he stole that kid’s cake and just ate the last piece he had in the shoebox under his bed.  Now he’s coming for this cake.

Sharp is mentally calculating the value of the presents vs. the cost of the party and creating a Profits & Loss sheet.  He’ll then determine the compounding interest forecast for investing in Patrick’s 11th birthday party.  Economic indicators are not good.

Jonathan is figuring out how to get each of Patrick’s sisters alone in the treehouse and which one is mostly likely to believe he’s a doctor.
He’d better hurry, because Brent is planning to set that treehouse on fire.

You can thank Tumblr for these and more.

Here’s the video – Mike Green’s Off-Season Workout.  Bonus: Duncan Keith!

You get featured on this blog, good things happen.  It’s a fact.

It is also a place where we can recognize the exceptional feats of athletic awesomeness of those players who do big things when it matters the most.

I was all set to feature just one player in this week’s post, but I just couldn’t choose between these both very deserving guys.

I said, “Forget you! I’m gonna get wild and pick TWO Foxy Fridays!”

So, this week’s Foxy FridayS are:

Michael “Cool” Ryder and Duncan “Teeth” Keith

Foxy Friday #1

Dear Michael, you are foxy for the following reasons:

• You have the sun-kissed locks of a golden god.
• You are very Nordic looking despite being from Bonavista, Newfoundland.  Are there lots of Vikings there we didn’t know about?  You look like you should be pillaging Iceland with Eric Northman from “True Blood”.
• For finally showing us that “sniper shot”  and “scorer’s touch” that everyone is always talking about.  And just at the right time, athankyou.
• For having a 3 point night (2 goals, 1 assist) in a crucial game for the Bruins, including the game winner 1:59 into OT. 
• For being the 1st ex-Canadien to score a playoff overtime winner in Montreal.
• For tying the series at 2 a piece and giving the Bruins the chance to play another day.
• For looking really adorbs in a knit hat. {see how cute here}
• For faithfully reading our blog.  We knew it was you creeping all up on our posts.  You may not comment but we see your IP address.

Time to visit my favorite website! Those girls from WUYS are brill!

I feel so much better in this sweater. The red and blue one was itchy. Like a hair shirt.

And for Foxy Friday #2…

Dear Duncan, you are foxy because:

• You had 2 goals and 2 assists last night to stave off elimination YET AGAIN. Like Hansel, you are “so hot right now.“
• You have really good hockey hair.  Seriously good.  The way it peeks out from under your hat…*sigh*
• You single-handedly embarrass Roberto Luongo, take him out of the game, and make his playoff beard throw up little white flags of surrender. (Thanks @CoachQsMustache!)
• Play exceptionally well despite the injury to your defense partner (and platonic life partner) Brent Seabrook.  It’s like peanut butter with no jelly.  Ketchup with no mustard.  Peaches with no Herb.  It hurts, we know, but it’ll be okay.
• In one photo you can look amazeballs and like someone we want to take home to our moms AND also do very bad things too.  On the other hand, you can look like a meth-head, redneck, hillbilly from the Ozarks.  See evidence below.  We like the dichotomy.  It makes it exciting!

Shiny.

Dirty.

Congrats to Ryder and Keith for being dual Foxy Friday honorees today! Like Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock said…It takes TWO to make a thing go right!

They tore open a 5-0 lead in the second period on 2G and 1A each from Duncan Keith and Marion Hossa.  Patty Kane added one and thus went Roberto Luongo into the cold dark night for the second game in a row.

I need earmuffs for this.

Can you believe it?!  I’m trying not to get too excited, they’re still one win away from the brink of destruction.  But what a week it has been.  Duncan Keith is absolutely tearing it up, carrying the load for injured Brent Seabrook and plenty of other weight.  (And the ladies LOVE him.)

You know what HRH Queen Elizabeth II wanted for her 85th birthday, which was also yesterday?  Besides to stop hearing about the Royal Wedding and being asked to approve plates with Wills’ face painted on?

Duck, duck, SOUP.

Well she got it.  Now let’s see if we can get another one Sunday at 6:30 PM, when you’ll all be cracked out on Peeps and jellybeans and running around your house screaming about Tazer Cats.  We’re here for you.

Dave Bolland had 1G + 2A.  Patrick Sharp had 2G, Patrick Kane had 2A.  Jonathan Toews was, and I quote the VS announcers, “marvelous” and “magnificent.”  Don’t let his 1A fool you, JTown was all over this game.  Duncan Keith and I had the exact same reaction when he scored to make it 3-1.  Round ’em up! [video]

Yee-haw!

In keeping with the series, bodies were flying too – except the Hawks finally gave as good as they got.  Bolland had 3 hits on his 4 point night and Troy Brouwer scared the crap out of someone’s grandma.

What a nice young man.

And there’s this photo: Battle of the Foxy Fridays.  On the left, you see me & Chuck (except one of us is not blond).  Chuck is watching the puck, because puck possession is the foxiest of attributes.  Pants might be mesmerized by the derp face.  Either way, it’s like waiting for the asteroid to crash into the Earth in Armageddon –  probably nothing will happen but you never know, and there might be space suits.  PS: Those kids on the right are on MulletWatch, we gave them $10.

Friday night. Just got paid.

I am inspired.  It shouldn’t take the threat of a sweep to light a fire but you definitely cling tightest when you’re falling off that cliff.  I believe in the Blackhawks.  As mentioned, Chuck and I Rock the Red Sox when hockey’s not around.  So we’ve learned not to count teams out when they’re down 3-0 against a bitter rival.

Six Impossible Things

Now the Hawks just have to get up Thursday and do it all over again against the best team in the League. At least they’ll get the chance.

And if they can fix Dunc’s teeth, mine should be no problem right?

That has got to be the worst playoff hair/beard/teeth combo ever.  Even if you brought home the Stanley Cup, I might lock you out looking like that.  I’d take the trophy first of course.

3 for 3!

Sorry Mike. ;(

Mikey was not on the list, but I’ll take Duncan Keith FTW! Also, Flower makes me a little, uh… nervous.  But he’s in fine form this season and was selected as the #1 overall goalie vote-getter.  Yay Flower!

In like Flynn.

So the NHL Hockey Operations Dept will choose the rest of the ASG pool, then the players will select their own captains: 2 captains, 4 alt captains.  They’ll take the stage in an ASG Draft on Fri, Jan 28 and the 3 captains for each team will draft their squads.  Each team will have to pick 3 goalies (by the 10th round) and the defensemen must be picked by the 15th round.

Reaction videos already up for Tazer [video] and Keith [video].

Awww shucks.

I am really excited now.  The first batch is just a popularity contest, so there are tons of great players to be added.  Still 4 out of 6 are Pens and they didn’t even win the Cup?  Boo-yah.