Welcome to our annual playoff predictions, where Chuck selects teams based on actual hockey things and Pants make wishes on shiny pennies. (note from Pants: Amazingly, we have about the same track record. Maybe I learn things through texting with her.)

Eastern Conference

Canadiens vs. Senators

Chuck: Senators. I know their late season surge is partially responsible for the Bruins not making the playoffs, but come on, people.  There is no way in seven hells that I’m rooting for the Canadiens to win.  Plus the Sens have momentum on their side – they won their last three games vs the Habs and they are riding the hot glove of the Hamburgler.

Pants: WHO CARES? No, really. I think the Habs will win because Carey Price. And I hope they will win because they are predictable when faced by a next-round opponent who could by one of my teams. The Sens have lived up to their “pesky” reputation time and again, and I don’t have the stomach for their upswings now.

Lightning vs. Red Wings

Chuck: Lightning. A deep forward corps and young guns like Palat & Kucherov give the Bolts eletricity in the scoring department.  Foxy Friday Brian Boyle is holding down the 4th line, scored 15 goals, and has even played shifts of defense. We love guys that can multitask. But the thought of losing the Zetterbeard so early in the playoffs….

Not okay.

Pants: Uh, Lighting. Apologies to @lm1485‘s grandmother and the stuffed duck on her porch who wears a Red Wings jersey, but the Wings are on the downward slope away from the top of the League.  We know what it’s like to look around and suddenly, everyone else is 25.

Rangers vs. Penguins

Chuck: Rangers.  NYR went b***s to the wall at the trade deadline and made some very strategic moves to complete their roster.  Rick Nash has been his best against the Pens this season with 7 points over 4 games (3 of which the Rangers won).  Add in the the 1-2 goaltending punch of Lundqvist and Talbot, and the Rangers are a force that should put other East teams on notice.

Pants: PENGUINS. If I learned anything from Grease, it was: what skipping a period meant it was: if I can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter. Short of lacing up some skates and toe picking my way out there to hold a &$%#ing lead myself (I considered this), the only solution is to focus my energy into a laser beam of love and intention – hopefully one that can move the puck away from the Pens’ net. Maybe instead of watching Grease, I should have kept watching Star Wars. Also, if I haven’t mentioned it in five minutes, I hate the Rangers.

Capitals vs. Islanders

Chuck:  Push.  These teams have not met in the playoffs since 1993 so you know that this is going to be some hype. Islanders are moving out of Nassau Coliseum at the end of this season so that might make give this series and playoffs some extra gravitas, but I think that these teams are pretty evenly matched. High-powered captains? Check. Goaltending? Check. Puck possession teams? Check.  This one is gonna be gooood. #BuckleUp

Pants: Capitals yaaaaaaaaas. But why does this have to be? Why can’t I just want John Tavares and his pleated khaki, double-strapped backpack, tucked-in shirt and first day of school haircut to win in the playoffs? Still, I don’t. As I wrote about in my guide to liking more than one team, you need to prioritize and stick to your guns. Even when the other gun looks like this:

Screencap of My Life by @ambitiouspants

Capitals, don’t make me regret this.

Who are your 1st round picks? Comment below!

The networks have all kinds of on-hiatus hockey players pitching in as commentators during these playoffs.  Let us make the offer official: Alex Pietrangelo, you and your currently unemployed hair are welcome here anytime.

This look will be missed.

I think we could even use a pool man now that the Stars are available.  We don’t have a pool, but…

Leave Hartnell and the socks at home.

Ducks eliminate Stars: 3-2

This one hurt.  We were all falling a little in love with Dallas, or at least their Twitter account.  Let’s hope that doesn’t get a summer vacation.

Like so many game in this post-season, the Stars had this one and they blew it.  The Ducks scored two goals in the last 2:10 to tie the game, then won it shortly into overtime.  It’s all summed by this beard and the scoreboard which I’ve helpfully left visible for anyone who likes to wallow in misery.

99% beard, 1% brows

It’s hard for me to understand the rage Corey Perry causes people without watching him in a long series against a single team.  Now I really get why he’s good at it and why other fans hate him.  Round 2 will be an in-state series vs. the Kings or Sharks.

We’ll never be far from an In-N-Out Burger!

Blackhawks eliminate Blues: 4-2

Sorry Blues.  (I’m not, not at all.)  After being up 2-0 in the series, they dropped four in a row to the defending Champs and are on their way to summer.  Here’s what you need to know about Chicago going into Round 2.  Patrick Kane can score in OT [video].  Jonathan Toews can score in OT on a breakaway:

gif by @cjzero

And Patrick Sharp can score on a breakaway while someone puts their stick blade in his perfect face:

gif by sportsblogging.tumblr.com

Bruins eliminate Red Wings: 4-1

Oh happy Chuck.  How nice it must be to root for a team withs so few weaknesses and also the ability to fix them.  In Game 1, the Bruins played with all the speed of Red Sox’s David Ortiz.  (Non-baseball fans, this is sarcasm.  The man cannot run.)  Starting in Game 2, they went faster… and it worked.  They will face the Canadiens for the 257th time in NHL playoff history.  Everyone hates each other, prepare to die.

Video: Bergy has some sleepy-voiced things to say.

Thus the bracket has been bracketed three more times.  For the record, so far I’ve been right 100% of the time.  Chuck is currently at 75% since she didn’t pick the Canadiens.  She would never pick those jerks.

For those of us with teams still battling to the pain:

Rangers lead Flyers: 3-2

The Flyers figured how to win once at MSG and they’ll need to do it again to survive this series.  But first, they have to win Tuesday night at home.  They held the NYR to only 22 shots Sunday, but the Rangers capitalized on what few chances their persistence and speed (and Flyer mistakes) could generate.

While I want both teams gone, is there anyway they could just leave the beard?

Sunday post-game interview: Gingertime Sadness

Penguins take series lead over Blue Jackets: 3-2

I ditched a bachelorette party mid-bar crawl to catch the end of this.  Of course I refused to leave even after Letang’s EN goal just in case.  Kunitz had 1G, 1A plus 7 SOG and 6 hits.  Throw that body around, Sock Monkey!  Fleury bounced back (See? SEEEEEE???) stopping 23 of 24, while the Pengins had a whopping 50 shots.  Game 6 Monday night, I’ll be on the floor of my living room in a fort made of pizza boxes.

Dog days are over?

Kings stay alive again, still trail Sharks: 3-2

Well what do you know, the Kings have staved off elimination twice now.  The first four games of the series averaged 7.75 goals per game.  Jonathan Quick gave up 16G in that stretch, but found his mojo Saturday and the Kings won 3-0 in an orderly fashion.  Can they do it again Monday night or will the Kings leave LA’s perpetual summer for regular old summer somewhere else?

Pelvic thrust.

Avalanche take lead over Wild, Errrrrrybody Mad: 3-2

Remember me raging about the disallowed Tampa Bay goal back a ways?  Well the Wild had plenty to say about this oh-so-close, offsides-or-on moment with less than 1:30 to go in Game 5.  There was no call on the play, so of course the Avs scored and forced overtime.

Image by @johncanref

Offside say the Wild media | Inconclusive say the Avs media

If the Wild had won, we wouldn’t still be talking about this.  Too bad the Avs have TriWizard Tournament hopeful Nathan MacKinnon with his 2nd goal (and League-leading 10th point) of the playoffs.

Monday night Colorado will have the chance to reach Round 2 for the first time in 6 years.  Guess who else they’ll very likely have?

Hey girl.

Duchene’s go/no-go will be announced after the morning skate.  We say go.

What this all means is that three more bracket spots could be locked Monday night, or any of three series could need a Game 7.  I could need blood pressure medication.  Just another day in the playoffs.  Stay ready.

Canadiens: 4; Lightning: 3 [Habs win series 4-0]

It looked like OT until Max Pacioretty, who I still have trouble remembering is American, scored his first ever playoff goal with 43 seconds left in the third.

And the crowd goes wild.  Literally.  I don’t care for/about the Habs but a moment like that melts my heart.  Much has been made of the Habs being the only Canadian team in the post-season, and they haven’t advanced past the first round since 2010. They become 2014’s first playoff bracket move:

Farewell to the Bolts, whose beards we will not get to enjoy.  We’ll give Stamkos a week to mope then we expect daily Gary Roberts workout videos.

You’re welcome.

So Lightning fans, who will you root for now?

Bruins: 3; Detroit: 0 [Bruins lead series 2-1]

The Canadiens will await the winner of this series, which is getting fiesty slimy.  In the grand Detroit tradition of throwing octopi on the ice, a fan tossed one during the anthem.  Chances are it wasn’t Justin Verlander because it came up short, sliding gently into Tuukka Rask’s skate like it was afraid of becoming sushi.  Tuukka gave it a well-deserved look of disgust and proceeded to beat the Red Wings in reply.

Gif by Twitter/@PeteBlackburn

Brad Marchand barely dodged a potentially terrible knee-on-knee hit from Brendan Smith – then went down and grabbed the wrong leg.  I have to mention it, you know that about me.  Video/Gif/weaksauce explanation at CBS Sports.  Better examination on Days of Y’Orr, including a Marchand gif that makes me want to stab myself in the face.

Rangers: 4; Flyers: 1 [NYR lead series 2-1]

This game can be summed up in two images:

I’m still rooting for everyone to lose but even I had a little bit of fun at the end there.

Sharks: 4; Kings: 3 [Sharks lead series 3-0]

It took OT and by far the Kings’ best result in this series, but in the end it was still the Sharks and their weird beard dreams taking a chokehold lead on this series.  BU’s Matt Nieto scored his first playoff goal last night – yay for days!  The Kings will try to stay alive Thursday night.

HNIC Bio: Matt Nieto

Read this adorable Hertl/Nieto rookie BFF story from the SJ Mercury News.  They better have those Minions in the locker room.

For tonight…

Pens and Blue Jackets are up first thing evening, as if anyone has recovered from Saturday night.  The Stars and Ducks are on early (8PM ET), so you can see Jamie Benn’s face/Jordie Benn’s beard and if they’re able to even that series.  The Blackhawks will try to take two of two at home from St. Louis in the not-quite-so late game (9:30 PM ET).

These little recaps are really helping make sure I have at least looked at every playoff game.  That said, they are 3-minute looks.  If I miss something good, let me know!  I can’t be everywhere and Mr. Pants is already really tired of the playoffs.

I sent the word out last night that I was looking for Foxy Friday nominees and our twitter feed blew up with a ton of suggestions.

As I started to google them to ascertain their Foxy Friday potential, there was one that clearly stood out amongst the rest.

Detroit Red Wings’ Brendan Smith.

Let’s be honest here.  It’s the smile that did me in.

It’s just so happy and shiny and genuine.  You know that when is his smiling, he REALLY means it.

My heart just bursts with rainbows and glitter when I see it.

You see the ways his eyes crinkle up when he flashes that grin.  That’s when you know it is legit.

Also his teeth are perfect.  Sure some of them might be fake but if they are, kudos to his dentist.  I work at a dental school so I know a little something about teeth.

Thanks to the magic of the interwebs, I’ve been able to learn a bit more about Brendan Smith.

He loves Tim Horton’s donuts.

He loves knee socks.

When learning to skate, he’ll always be there to help you up.

 He knows how to work the beanie/hoodie fashion combo.

If you took him to a Jason Alden concert, he’d fit right in.

If you’re feeling sad, he’ll write you a poem.

Should you ever become stranded in the wilderness, you wouldn’t starve to death.

When his hockey career is over, he could get a job on late night TV.  He’s a natural…who also likes PF Chang’s.

Thank you for opening my eyes to the foxiness that is Brendan Smith.

I am forever in your debt.

Blackhawks vs. Wild

The Hawks didn’t play their best, but they squeaked one out vs. the Wild.  As the regular clock wound down and overtime became imminent, we all did this:

Every damned time.  In last year’s first round, 5 of 6 Chicago games went to overtime.  I cannot handle that again.  Still this series could be better than we expected – apparently the Wild didn’t read anything that anyone wrote.  Good for them, if not for me ever getting to bed before midnight.

Danica Patrick was on hand in a Patrick Sharp jersey.  She proved herself a Blackhawks fan not by making the first of three goal shots during intermission, but by derping as well as we’ve ever seen a derp.

This face should come with a free #19 jersey.

In the most impressive story of the night, Wild #1 goaltender Nicklas (not Nicky) Backstrom was injured during warmups and replaced by Josh Harding.  Harding played just 5 games this season, after being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis sometime last fall [link].  Asked about all the adversity, Josh said “No comment” over and over until reporters asked him about last night’s game instead [link].

That’s bad ass, Josh.  We want the Hawks to win, but you make them earn it.

Blues vs. Kings

OT was also required in St. Loius, where the Blues won the game on a goal that makes me want to throw up.  Not out of displeasure, just nerves.

Off all the things to happen…

It was scored by Alex Steen, who had the Blues only other goal of the game.  In Jonathan Quick’s defense, did you see last year’s playoffs?  He’s not worried.  He kept the Kings in this game while they were outshot 42-29 and he will do the same again tomorrow.

Ducks vs. Red Wings

Finally, Anaheim vs. Detroit happened in the middle of the damned night.  Of course it was Teemu Selanne with the Ducks eventual game-winning goal just into the third period.

Back in ’07, 36-year old Selanne eliminated the Red Wings from the Western Conference Final with an OT goal.  At 42, he’s still:

The Red Wings had only 11 shots through two periods, then another 11 in the third but they couldn’t get the tie.  The Ducks notched an empty netter at 19:37 to put this one away.

How did you hold up?  Not well judging by some of your Tweets.  Any tossable items broken, binge drinking or declarations of eternal love/hate yet?  I’m pretty concerned for my well being tonight during the Penguins game.  Tomorrow’s Capitals vs. Rangers opener will be even worse.  Already…

Well folks, it’s the final Friday of April, which means the final entry for the Foxy Friday Fan Challenge.

This week,  Brenda (@wishinonehand) wins again.  We swear it isn’t nepotism, but when you submit good stuff, we have to share it.

And this one is most defintely a keeper.

Sadly, we don’t get to watch much Red Wings hockey but next season we’re about to watch a WHOLE  lot more.

We definitively don’t mind seeing more of this guy.

Don’t mind at all.

[Chuck’s note:  His beard.  Good lord the beard. I’m swooning here. Quick! Someone get a me a chaise that I can swoon dramatically on to.]

How Swede It Is

In case it hasn’t been said before… thank you, Sweden.  You are so generous with your vast foxy fortunes.  You have given us:

Peter Forsberg

 Why yes, that IS a Norse god.

Nick Lidstrom

 He may have retired from hockey, but he will never retire from hotness.

Markus Naslund

His foxiness even transcends a Canucks jersey. 

Andreas Lilja

This is the very definition of ruggedly handsome.

Henrik & Joel Lundqvist (Twinsies!)

Don’t know what’s going on here.
Don’t much care, either.

Gabriel Landeskog

The young & the foxy.

Now that is an embarrassment of riches, right there.

But you, Sweden, you did not stop there.

You dug deep into your foxy reserves and also bestowed upon us…

Henrik Zetterberg (and a pug)

All of a sudden I’m feeling very motivated to learn Swedish.   Do you think Rosetta Stone has rush shipping?

Wonder how you say “ridiculously hot”?  I’m going to go with “Henrik”.

The Cliff’s Notes on Henrik are as follows:

• Born October 9, 1980. (perfectly age appropriate)
• 6’1″ & 195
• Wasn’t drafted until the seventh round (210th overall)

Zetterberg also has a pretty impressive resume and collection of hardware – a Stanley Cup, a Selke Trophy, Conn Smythe, a Olympic Gold Medal, and a whole host of others.

He has complied the sort of resume that makes GMs drool.  And also Wayne Gretzky apparently.  Gretzkey said “I think Zetterberg is the best player in the game (at his age)… he’s just very special. I think he’s the best Swedish player they’ve ever put into the National Hockey League, and there has been a lot of great ones.”  High praise from the greatest hockey player of all time ever.

And that is what we call ‘salty’

If this oh-so-foxy-face looks familiar to you, maybe it’s because this guy has not one but two famous doppelgangers:

We love you, Jordan Catalano!

Even when he’s trying to look mean, he melts your heart.

Henrik did his best to end the lockout this summer – by wearing it on his chest.

 Henrik Zetterberg: sartorial zen master and hero.

 Zetterberg is so foxy that he even inspired a web series a la “The Office”.

Ladies and Gentleman – meet Fake Zetterberg.

Before we go, how about a little word association?  I’ll name an adjective, and then Henrik will demonstrate it.

Sensitive

Lustrous (specifically, hair)

Smoldering

Sophisticated

Charming

Blush-inducing

 Let us all give thanks and praise to the almighty country of Sweden.

Oh, can we get a hug?

Many thanks to all that submitted your entries for our 1st Foxy Friday Fan Challenge!

We know it isn’t easy to write these so we appreciate your time and effort to share who you find foxiest with us.

As always, hit us up on twitter (@WhatsUp_YaSieve) with any suggestions of who you’d like to see featured.  Remember to hashtag #FoxyFriday.

Love!

~ C & P

Steve Yzerman

The former Detroit Red Wing and current GM of the Tampa Bay Lightning is a legend.

Plain and simple.

And if anyone tries to disagree with us,  I will take off my giant bamboo earrings.  Pants will kick off her heels.

The reasons why Yzerman is deserving of this honor are endless.   The smile and the sexy crow’s-feet are enough to do us in.  But there is just more to this man than that…

• He played his ENTIRE 23 year career with the Detroit Red Wings.

(Pretty sure that guy in the locker next to him is naked…)

• He was named captain of the Red Wings in 1986 at the age of 21 and wore the “C” for over 1,300 games.  He is the longest-serving captain of any team in North American major league sports history.  Now if that doesn’t say something about how people feel about this man, then I don’t know what does.

• 3 Stanley Cups.
• Winner of the Pearson Award, Conn Smythe, the Selke, Lester Patrick, and the Masterson Trophy.
• 10-time NHL All-Star.

• His #19 jersey was retired in 2007.  As an additional honor the captain’s “C” was added to the corner of his banner to forever commemorate him as “The Captain”.
• 6th in NHL history in points, 8th in goals, and 7th in assists.
• 1, 514 games played. 692 goals. 1,063 assists. 1, 755 points.  924 minutes of shame.
• He was inducted into the NHL Hall of Fame in 2009, in his 1st year of eligibility.  Also inducted into the Ottawa Sports Hall of Fame, Canada’s Sports Hall of Fame and Michigan Sports Hall of Fame.

In 2004, Yzerman was hit in the eye by a deflected slapshot.  His orbital bone was broken and his cornea was scratched.

My father broke his orbital bone once.  It was pretty gnarly.  But not nearly as gnarly as Yzerman’s injury.

I can’t post the photo here for fear of grossing everyone but you can easily find it on the interwebs.  Beware – it is TERRIFYING.   And strangely sexy.

After his NHL career ended, Yzerman joined the front office for the Red Wings and is now the GM for the Tampa Bay Lightning.  He was instrumental in TB’s continued improvement and for re-signing Steve Stamkos.

We also like to think of him as Stamkos’ sage mentor.

We picture them standing in at center ice in a darkened arena, contemplating life, career, and the future of the Lightning.

It’s all very Mr. Miaygi/Daniel-san.

I think you get the point.

Steve Yzerman is awesome.  Awesome and FOXY to the max.

 P.S.  I just had to post this photo.  Because it makes me laugh.

Dawn, Ovi - sorry for the bad season. I do better in play-offs. I promise. BOOM! hahahahahahah

Hockey fans will tell you straight up when something stinks.

I get TPTB wanted to include the fans but thank god we bascially got a bastard child of HISTORY WILL BE MADE! I don’t want to see faux Hollywood replicas of what they think we are doing in our homes/bars/favorites hockey watching spots. Trust me – WE KNOW. And it wasn’t what they were showing us.

I want to see Ovi telling me what he’s GOING to do in the play-offs.

Dear NHL - stilling waiting for Letang's solo "Because of the Cup" ad. Statistically speaking - Pens can win without St. Sid but not with out #58. Just sayin'

I want to see Kris Letang brush his sexy hair out of his face and smile at me as he skates at the screen.

I want to see Erik Karlsson and his glorious mullet, all awkward and sh&t.

Dear little man, may you win the Norris if Kris Letang (a complete dark horse but I wish would win) doesn't.

 Hell, I’d even take Jagr saluting me! (not quite but see below for you hard core philly fans – bless you all!)

You've grown on me like a fungus but you make me laugh - which is hard to do!

So it’s time for Nicklas Lidstrom.

Understand the I dislike the Red Wings with intensity.  Always have.  But no one, not even I, dislikes Nicklas Lidstrom.  He is classy, cool and endlessly well-respected.  That is Foxy.

We’re not talking 20-years ago Nicklas Lidstrom either:

Okay, then too.

We prefer recent-to-current, distinguished gentleman Lidstrom, bathed in the amber glow of 20 years as the NHL’s top defenseman.

At 41-years old, Lidstrom has won 4 Stanley Cups and 7 Norris trophies (including last year).  He’s been selected 12 times for the All-Star Game.  In ’02 he won the Conn Symthe and in ’06 won Olympic Gold.  He’s played for the Red Wings (and only them) longer than Tyler Seguin has been alive (19 seasons).  Lidstrom reached the 1500-game mark in October 2011, Gator and I were there to see it.  (Has she mentioned she’s from Detroit? Reminds me every day.)

Bonus: Norris Trophy presented by my stunt double, Robin Sparkles.

Foxy Friday was pretty much the only award Lidstrom didn’t have.  Surely now all his dreams have come true.

In his career, he has 1,139 regular season + 189 playoff points.  Lidstrom scored his first (and only) hat trick at 40 years old.  He has 4 kids who are undoubtedly the coolest kids at school.  The list goes on and on [link].

Perfect family is perfect.

Nicklas Lidstrom likes to keep everyone guessing.  In ’06 and ’08 he signed two-year contracts, as if he might retire after each.  In ’10 and again in ’11, Lidstrom took one year deals with the Red Wings.  Will he retire at the end of this season?  Probably not.  But just in case, Happy Foxy Friday.

The end.

Wait, what?  Oh all right.  Fine.

We can’t take you guys anywhere.

[Seriously Sweden, what is in your water?!]

I get a kick out of this commercial every time… and @rebelheart87 and I share a confessed thing for Corey Perry too.  Where are they supposed to be going?  For some reason I think it’s IHOP, because I would go for a post-game waffles & eggs with them.

The Wings have only 3 home losses this season, the last one on November 3. They’re #1 overall with 80 points, just a step ahead of the NYR (79).  And makes Gator feel like…

I think I see an octopus!

Then there’s the Chicago Blackhawks 9-game winless streak (8 regulation losses, 1 OT loss).  The extended road trip has earned 1 point in 7 games, all losses against Western Conference teams.  They’ve been outscored 38-17 and still have to visit NYR and Columbus.

Currently 6th in the West, this isn’t the end of the Blackhawks world. Because the ship can’t sink, right?  The Central Divison is by far the strongest in the West (damn you, Detroit!) and hey, 65 points would put you first in the Southeast (yes Caps, I’m talking to you).  But there’s a skid and then there’s…

Women and Joey the Junior Reporter into the lifeboats!

It’s too depressing to listen to them talk.  The only things that could possibly make us feel even a little better are Viktor Stalberg’s eyelashes.

Does he have to always look like he just woke up?  Ridiculous interview video link.  And another ridiculous video:

(Pants Note: We had a Titanic 3D event last night.  Forgive us.)

Not only did you beat Detroit (insert me making siren noise here), but you managed not to fall apart like a house of cards.  I mean, you came close.  Really close.  I had to angle away from the TV and pretend to Tweet because I knew the minute I looked, disaster would strike.  I might have peeked but I didn’t watch until the announcers were screaming too.

Gator’s really bummed about the Red Wings.  I might have to buy her Chicken McNuggets for lunch (extra ketchup).  Maybe she’ll feel better after reading this.  But now she’s just like me and Dawn, without her top team(s) and choosing sides based on beards and bus stops and the perfect teal nail polish.

Hey Wings, U MAD?!

Oh, in case you forgot what I was thinking for a second…

ROML FTW!

So we’re down to the Final Four.  How are we doing on predictions?  We had the Bruins, Canucks and Sharks getting out of the first round, and the Bruins and Canucks from the second.  Bonus of the Sharks.  No one had the Bolts because I would have kicked them in R1 and Dawn would have scratched them in R2.  Now anyone who wants to root for TB can take on Chuck.

Not good enough! Om nom nom!

PS: Gator is rooting for TB.  I will sit quietly on my hands and try not to cheer for anyone in that series.  Chuck roots for my teams when she can, I shall root for hers.  And Steven.  There, I said it!

It’s Detroit Rock City VS the Sharks … And we shall see who will be, wait for it… wait for it …Yes, I went there!

I gotta dance!

STAY IN’ ALIVE!

On Monday, Rookie of My Life Logan Couture posted this.  It made me all teary-eyed like that Green Day “Time of Your Life” song.  Not that 19 years is a long time in the hockey world.  Or that you’d rather play 7 than win in 4.  But way to be optimistic, LC.

I don’t know what to say about the Red Wings except they are about the last team I’d want to face in an elimination game.  Or in the playoffs at all.  They’re just a huge pile of awesome that sits around thinking up ways to skip school so they can kick your ass.

The Sharks will have to come up big tonight, but I think they can do it.  Remember they won 5 OT games in a row these playoffs… that’s grit.

We know Chuck will be pulling for Jumbo Joe.  She’s seriously been on that kick since 1997 and it’s about time Thornton returned the favor.  Between Joey and the Bruins both still in the post-season, Chuck is having all the luck this year while I sit on the back nine with Toews, Fleury and Brooks Laich trying to make par.

Gator was particularly excited, and posted a photo of an Ice Girl picking up an octopus on my door this morning.  She had faith.  And we’re ready for Thursday’s Game 7.  I want to rock my Sharks jersey (from free jersey night) but since all my teams lose, perhaps I should sit quietly in a corner.

On the bright side, the NHL posted the Conference Final Schedule scenarios so we can plan the next two weeks of our lives:

In an effort to distract Gator from the Red Wings, Stammer showed off his beard and excitement to get back on the ice [video].  Between him and Gator they’ve used all the SPF 50 in Florida.

Meanwhile in Boston, Professor Bergeron is “feeling better” but definitely has concussion symptoms.  Saturday is still a ways off and Chuck is throwing dollars into that wishing well.  With so much momentum between these two teams at the end of Round 2, who do you think comes out strongest after the break?

I think it all comes down to TIMMAAAAAY. [video]  Can the Bolts beat him, or will he beat them?  He won’t let Chuck and Cassy down.  But will it be enough?

The Canucks win.  Somewhere Shea Weber’s beard defeats all attempts to be removed.  That thing had a building permit and poured a foundation, it’s going to be a hot summer in wherever Shea is from.  Ryan Kessler ditches the secret identity ruse and goes full-on super hero.  DUH.

Fear that Beard.

San Jose drops another one to the Wings.  It’s okay, no one is watching.  There’s plenty of other stuff going on to distract everyone while you play game 6 tonight.

Hangover II

The Bruins/Lightning series is not yet scheduled.  They’ve all gotten advance degrees in thumb-twiddling during the break.  Seriously San Jose, no one is waiting for you to finish.  Take your time.

Sitting, waiting, wishing...

But this is hardly news and frankly, quite boring.  So today, this instead.

GOATS!

Last night was the 2nd OT game of this round for San Jose/Detroit, and the 5th OT game San Jose has played in these playoffs.  They’ve won all 5.  That’s impressive.  Ghetto Sushi had the hattie last night to make sure it stung.

What is with this 3-0 leads and overtimes?  It’s like someone infused the NHL Playoffs with a little Bravo-style reality TV drama.  If ever a team could come back, it’s Detroit.  If ever a team could give it up, it’s San Jose.  But could this be it, the magical year when Chuck’s lifetime of Joe Thornton devotion pays off and they actually make it really far in the playoffs?

So much good, undone by that shirt.

I’m not rooting for the Sharks, despite being my almost-hometown team for 4 years.  The free jersey and perfectly coordinated teal nail polish are staying away.  I’m cursed like the Titanic and I refuse to take any more teams down with me.

San Jose won the first game 2-1 in OT and the second 2-1 in regulation.  Everyone’s got two assists: Rookie of My Life Logan Couture, Foxy Friday Ryan(e) Clow(e) and ASG prank mastermind Danny Boyle.

I don’t want to get ahead of myself.  These games are all nail-biters and no one makes me more nervous than Detroit.  This is just to keep the boys going.  Jumbo Joe is out to remind Chuck that back in ’97 she was swooning over his blond curls and Dunkin’ Donuts commercials.  He wants her to Feel the Teal.  (Okay sorry, that’s a terrible slogan.)

If there’s anyone we’d like to see go down it’s Detroit.  If there’s anyone who will make us eat our words and send their over-40s to shut us up, it’s Detroit.  So play on – Game 3 Wed at 5 PM PT.

Is the stanley cup hiding in there?

This week’s beard update. Here’s where it stands. The Sedin’s are disqualified because they always have one and it’s always groomed. Shea Weber started too early but I’ll include him solely because of its sheer awesomeness but he’s out of the running and same goes for George Parros. And believe it or not, there is actually an attractive man under that obnoxious 70’s facial hair and horrible hair cut!

As Mr. Cherrie says, "This is made for riding!"

No wonder Detroit keeps winning, the entire team can grow one in a day!

Who knew? Evidently not Boston ...

Mike Green is growing something MAGICAL! HOLY COW!

let's hope more goals come flying out of Patrice's beard ...or somewhere else - SOON!

where on earth did this come from? because one minute is wasn't there and the next - BAM! scooby doo !

no wonder this series is tied 1-1 ... penner and wallin.

does this really surprise any of us? ALL MAN ... ALL THE TIME.

Winner winner chicken dinner! Why is this young lady smiling? Because she took the challenge!

Well we do Drew! We do!

updated status: godlike