I  was out Friday night/most of Saturday with no phone.  I apologize to those who texted and Tweeted , only to assume I’d retreated with a gallon of ice cream into a padded room over:

James Neal

UGH. Sad Pants.  In the movies, the jackass, all-skill and no-brains quarterback gets the chance to redeem himself.  I’ve long held out hope James Neal would be that guy.  You all know my love/hate, ‘get your shit together’/’do all that with your hair perfectly styled’ feelings for Neal.  Suffice to say that I thought he was getting there.  I always thought he was getting there, which is why his digressions made me so mad.  Now he’ll get there – I still believe that – with another team.  Should the Pens have waited?  Maybe.  40 goals is a lot to see leave.  But I’m not surprised.  In the end, maybe this trade gave Neal what the Penguins tried to give him for three years: a lesson in growing up, accompanied by a swift kick in the ass.

In return, the Pens got Patric Hornqvist and Nick Spaling.  Hornqvist once scored 30 goals, and nearly every one from right in front of the net [brilliant chart].  Unless I was watching a different Penguins team, this was never Neal’s main job.  He scored from everywhere, did so often, and was a danger any time he stepped onto the ice.  Grumpy Pants is not getting happier here.  Spaling, according to The Tennessean, can “do everything.”  Like have a career-high 13-goal season, one time.  Sure these guys have qualities the Pens want, “grit” being chief among them per new GM Jim Rutherford.   I’ve never watched either of them play.  But this seems to put more onus on Crosby-Kunitz-Dupuis (oh God, welcome back) to carry the Penguins scoring – and when they don’t deliver, burn down the world!  For all the people who said “Kunitz is only Kunitz because of Crosby,” no one ever said “Neal is only Neal because of Malkin.”  Geno can’t turn Hornqvist into a 40-goal guy.  Let’s hope Hornqvist is ready to do that himself.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to stop watching or talking about James, or hoping he gets this right.  You don’t have to find someone in Nashville.  Maybe those folks will find us.

Michael Del Zotto

The Predators will not re-sign MDZ and today he becomes a UFA.  This is a tragic loss of potential bromance with Neal.  Hair product stock prices dropped.  Nashville girls pouted and cranked up their sad country songs.  Oh wait, that was me.

Danny Briere

To Colorado!  When I see news like this on TV in a bar with no sound while the people around me are talking about pizza, it’s hard to react appropriately.  After a hundred years as a Flyer and one as a Canadien, during which he and the team much maligned each other over playing time and performance, Danny Briere will join the Avalanche’s wild young potential.  Will he play more there?  No.  But I’ll watch them more.  The Habs get PA Parenteau and a 5th round pick in return.

Ryan Kesler

When Kesler ended up on the trading block, he reportedly limited his destination options to the Ducks or Hawks.  Must be a nice world where you can make those kinds of demands.  After a flurry of panic-inducing Patrick Sharp trade rumors, Kes went to the Ducks.  The Canucks got Nick Bonino, Luca Sbisa and a first round pick and a later pick they swapped for Derek Dorsett.  Is that a fair deal to send a guy like Kesler to a division rival?  If you believe the Vancouver optimists, Ryan’s 30th birthday at the end of August basically signals the death of his career anyway.

It’s always a good sign when you Google Image search someone and it suggests you ad “abs” to your results.  If nothing else, Ryan will look good on that So Cal beach.

Sam Gagner

Oh Sam.  The Oilers broke up the band by trading #TeamSam to Tampa Bay for Teddy Purcell, in a deal that Lindsay somehow made happen with her mind.  Five minutes (okay, maybe forty minutes) later, Sam was bounced again to the Phoenix Arizona Coyotes in exchange for BJ Crombeen.  The guy got two Foxy Fridays, then he got traded twice in two hours.  Sorry if that’s our fault, somehow.  One hilarious fan made a Tampa Bay “Thanks Sam” tribute video.  Sam, well, it’s time to admit that I’ll probably never see you again.  Nothing against the Coyotes – it’s not you, it’s me.  And at least it wasn’t #TeamEbs. (Sorrrrrrry.)

More, more, more to come all day.  No one is safe.  I’ll be watching like this:

Waiting for the moment when Matt Niskanen signs somewhere else…

Don’t get me wrong – this is better (for me) than Danny Briere being a Flyer.  Even if it gave him a sad and that hurt my heart.  I could get used to an increased use of French language, lack of orange and the Lightning being my favorite team in the new Atlantic Division.

Plus it’s always fun to give Chuck a hard time.

Plaid pants. He still loves us.

Here’s Danny talking about his first experiences with his new team [Montreal Gazette story].  Check out all the correct accent marks in the feature yet in the video, his name is spelled “Brier.”  Oops.

Also my affection for guys in polo shirts has reached an alarming level.

More from CBC.ca.  I had also blocked out forgotten that Douglas “Crankshaft” Murray is now a Hab too.  Haven’t gotten past “the Penguins stunning playoff collapse,” as this article calls it.  Thanks for making sure that one still hurts.

If you weren’t crying, you were the Devils.  No – they were crying too.

This kind of thing doesn’t just happen.  Lately more and more players are moving teams in hopes of a final dash to the little table and a reason to shake Bettman’s hand like they mean it.  2013-14 will be no different.  Here’s a look at some veteran guys trying to get their grooves back.

Jarome Iginla – Boston Bruins

Dust yourself off and try again.  After the trade deadline excitement that sent Iginla to the Bruins Penguins this season, he has landed on the Boston roster.  I would have loved to see him get a full season with Crosby, but the Penguins have $5 to spend and Iginla, at 36, is not a bargain bin guy.

Really this time.

He’ll find a good fit with the Bs, whose team has changed quite a bit from what Iginla would’ve joined in March.  The deal is 1 year/$6 million (base salary plus incentives [link]) – a short term, high price, ‘show me what you’re working with’ contract.  Smart move by the Bruins, good choice by Iggy.

Daniel Alfredsson – Red Wings

If you’re old and want to win before you die, consider the Red Wings!  That should be their slogan.  After 17-years in Ottawa, Daniel Alfredsson peaced out in one big cloud of proverbial dust.

Seems legit.

Read the very funny Puck Daddy take on his departure (Harrison blows the cover on my lobster metaphor for good measure).  Alfie got 1 year/$5.5 million, a lot like Iginla, except he’s already 40.  He basically told the Wings to meet him at the dealership with the keys to a Camaro and no jokes about a mid-life crisis.  Will it work?  Both teams finished 7th in their divisions last year with 56 points.  If we were betting our last, fixed-income retirement dollar, we’d go with the Red Wings too.

Danny Briere – Montreal

I just threw up in my mouth a little.  Apparently fifteen teams were interested in Briere… and he chose the Habs.  Ugh, Danny, WHY!?!  I speak French!  I can estimate distances in metric!  (No, I can’t.)  Why don’t the Capitals care about me and bring me polite, elfin forwards once in a damned while?!  All they did was big fat nothing and I’m stuck here with Mike Green’s hand tattoos and Nicklas Backstrom’s babydaddy rumors.  It’s not like we don’t go to overtime!  GAH.

Old picture. Nice arms.

I admire the gutsiness of Danny’s choice.  He didn’t want to leave Philly, and he could’ve gone to the Islanders – they are $23 million UNDER the cap [CapGeek.com] and after the DiPietro debacle, they’d hardly be fazed if a washed-up old guy fails to hit the 20 goal mark.  Instead, Montreal is an impossibly tough media market.  A veteran player coming off an underperforming season and a compliance buyout could be made to suffer – and already has.  Google it, you’ll see a lot of Montreal fans are more sick about this than I am.  Danny signed for 2-years, $4 mill/year.

Now that Danny is a Hab and I’ll have to follow them a bit, here’s one Canadiens blogger rationally considering Danny’s career, potential and role on the new team.  He writes himself into being almost excited to have Briere on board.  That’s good enough for me.  As is this hilarious blog post, complete with LOTR reference.

Milan Hejduk – Not the Avalanche

For a second there, it was going to be “old folks dance at the family reunion” with Hejduk and Tanguay in Colorado.  Sadly, only I want that and just for Throwback Thursday’s sake.

Word is the Avs will not resign the UFA, who has been with the organization since 1998.  Last season, the Avs gave him a 1-year, $2 million deal.  He won’t get that again.  At 37, his agent says the best look will be a contract with incentives for putting up points (these count against the cap).  That sounds reasonable to me.  With teams giving $4 million-plus, single year deals without guarantees, I imagine Hejduk will find a place that has room under their cap to spend next season.

Jaromir Jagr – Who wants him?

One of many changes so far this off-season, the Bruins will not renew their lease on Jagr.  He made $4.55 million on last year’s contract with Dallas/Boston.  His agent says several teams are interested in signing the 41-year old [link].  Any guesses?  He’s still got it –  9 P in 11 reg season games, 10 A in 22 playoff games – but not to the tune of $4+ million.

(Note: We are not talking about Lecavalier here because 33 is not old. Jerks.)

Patrick Kane, two track mind.  Hockey and…

I need a break.

But hockey stops for no Pants.

Over the last few days some important things have happened.  It’s our job to keep you informed, and keep you from from turning on the TV in October and shouting, “What the hell, Vinny Lecavalier is a Dallas Star?!”

Lecavalier Buy Out

In 2009, the Lightning signed Vinny to an 11-year, $85 million contract.  Now in 2013, they are returning him to the store for a 33% refund.  Should’ve bought that at Nordstrom, they’re famous for buying back old tires.

Vinny’s offensive output has steadily declined over the past few years [stats] as injuries have mounted.  With 7 years left on his deal, the Lightning will have to pay him 2/3 of the remaining $45 million (or $29.7 million), plus guaranteed signing bonuses totaling $8 million [Cap Geek].  Yes – they’re still paying signing bonuses on this deal.  Good lord.  What the Bolts get back is $15+ million in salary plus the clean wipe of $7.727 million/year off their salary cap.

(Math admittedly done by Pants.  Corrections anyone?)

Stevie Y explained the move [story].  He failed to confirm if they’re investing the saved money in a cryogenic chamber for Marty St. Louis to sleep in all summer.

Alex Tanguay Back in Colorado

File Under: Things Only Pants Cares About

Not true!  This trade sent David Jones and Shane O’Brien to CGY for Alex and Cory Sarich.  Avs fans, do you love this?!  [These guys say yes!]

If you’re new to my mad ramblings, here’s a recap: Alex Tanguay is my lobster.  My LTHR (Long-Term Hockey Relationship).  I had a shirt that just says TANGUAY  made off some website in 2000.  In ’04 I scheduled an entire cross-country drive with my dad around seeing a game in Denver… and Alex didn’t even play!! I have never seen him play, in fact.  Love don’t need a reason, y’all.

Why would I be excited about seeing a player I love traded to the second-worst team in the NHL (last season)?  Nostalgia, really.  The way Alex played in Colorado.  Plus he came from Calgary and they weren’t doing much anyway.  Forsberg should’ve saved his brief comeback for this because reuniting the AMP line would have put me over the edge.

Also, I now feel less bad about rejoicing when Iginla went to the Penguins.

People Who Have Dumped Alex Tanguay for Sidney Crosby:

• Pants
• Jarome Iginla

Sorry, Tangs.  Welcome home.

Danny Briere Still Needs a Team

Nothing can happen until July 5, when Danny (and Bryz and Vinny) officially become free agents.  Until then, I’m just saying:

I’m an excellent tour guide.

Kris Letang Turns Down $54 million for 8 Years

And so the huge contracts catch up with everyone.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Letang.  I love him on defense when it’s not this year in the playoffs.  This offer is a bargain compared to Shea Weber’s 14-year/$110 million contract and Ryan Suter’s $13-year/$98 million deal.

But read that Vinny Lecavalier part again.  Think about Luongo and Bryz and almost Ovechkin there for a second when it looked like $9.5 million a year was buying 35 goals.  Of course Kris wants a huge, long-term contract.  Right now, every team in the League sees these contracts as bricks being thrown through very expensive windows.  (Note: Per the new CBA, eight years is the max contract length for a player re-signing with his current team.  Seven years for a new team. [link]  Thanks Lindsay and Alison, who are reading the CBA for fun.)

“Fabulous Harry, I love the feathers.”

Mark Messier Leaves the Rangers

I was home in NY two weeks ago, reading a full page cover story on Mark Messier interviewing for the Rangers head coaching position.  The next day, Alain Vigneault got the job.  I laughed, because the timing was embarrassing and I hate the Rangers.  But I don’t hate Mark Messier.  He will join the team to build the Kingsbridge National Ice Center in the Bronx, NY, which will be the largest indoor ice complex in the world and boast nine skating rinks [link].

Sounds to me like a place they could have put the Islanders, if Brooklyn didn’t beat them to it.

The Coyotes Could Actually Move

Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme….

No, no, really!  The City of Glendale, AZ will vote July 2 on a lease agreement for the Coyotes Arena (Jobing.com Arena).  If they okay the lease, the NHL can sell the team to an outfit that would keep it in AZ [story].  If they don’t, Bettman says there’s time to move the team before the start of next season.   That’s a 3 month window, without training camp.    They’ll be packing like a breakup, tossing everything out the window onto the lawn.  Leave the gun, take the cannoli.

More on the deal, including a clause that would let the new owners end & move the Coyotes in 5 years anyway, from Phoenix Business Journal.

What else is new?  I’m surely missing something, blogging on half-screen while watching the Blackhawks parade.  And that first Patrick Kane gif….

I was going to talk about Danny Briere’s concussion and No Trade Clause, but I typed “No Trade Claude.”  Why yes, that’s exactly what I meant.

It’s April, the Flyers are last in the Atlantic and I… won’t say anything mean.  I still don’t like them and that’s all.

However, as you know, my traitorous heart does love Danny Briere.  It’s beyond reason.  Out since suffering a concussion in practice on March 23, Danny was back on the ice with the team yesterday.  He could play as soon as Saturday vs. Buffalo. [link]

Danny talks about his injury and the process of returning here.

Stop it, stop being perfect.

Now, why do I even mention this?

1) Concussions can go to hell.  For any player on any team… just the word turns my stomach.

2) I have a not-so-secret wish for the Flyers to make the playoffs and face Pittsburgh in the first round.  I shouldn’t play with fire, but I’d love see the Pens redeem themselves for last year’s debacle.

3) Will Danny get traded to somewhere I can love him openly?

MOST IMPORTANT.  There has been a lot of talk about Briere’s future with the Flyers.  His contract is $6.5 million with two years left (Update: WRONG. Read comment below from KC!).  Last season, Danny was way off his goal-scoring pace, despite personally terrorizing me during the playoffs.  (Seriously – Briere got 16 G in 70 games all year, then 8 G in 11 games during the playoffs.)  He’s also 35, which is NOT old because we are NOT old but we’re almost that old.  In a few years.

Rumors flew that multiple teams were interested in acquiring Briere before the trade deadline, but Danny said publicly he would not waive his No Trade Claude Clause (UPDATE: It’s a No Movement Claude, which means no AHL either. Thanks Jess.).  The man loves Jersey, okay?  His adorakids go to school there, Gingeroux is there, it’s precious.  There was speculation the Flyers might try to push him [link].   If there were ever a viable window to acquire value in exchange for Briere… it passed when he got hurt.

He traded one problem for another.

Now the best/worst solution is for Danny to come back and play well.  He could still help the Flyers make the playoffs.  At the same time, it may prove his viability to other teams.  The better he looks, the more they’ll offer and the harder Philly might lean on him to accept.  Late career trades and waived NTCs are the new dance crazes, don’t you know?

There is also the new CBA’s Amnesty Clause, which the Flyers could use to buy out Danny’s contract this summer.  He’d still get $6.5 mil/year, but the Flyers would free up that amount under their salary cap. [link, link]  They’ d rather have something to show that money, but at least the Amnesty Clause would let them spend it twice.

I don’t know what to feel.

Does anyone know: If the Flyers buy out Briere under the Amnesty Clause, does he become a UFA (like with a regular buyout)?  Could he get $6.5 mill/year AND play somewhere else?  If that’s true, I wouldn’t waive my NTC either. I’d make the Flyers play me or pay me, because I know I can get paid to play somewhere else when it’s over.

(Best we can figure, he’d get 2/3 of $5 million.  See below.)

That’s crazy.

Now we’re past the trade deadline, and Danny is still a Flyer.  If he storms the playoffs again, maybe he convinces the Flyers not to use the Amnesty Clause.  He could scrape into next season and get another crack at… what?  Being worth $6.5 million?  It seems unlikely.  The Flyers need that money and they need it this summer, when teams are more willing to negotiate.

Of course, this Flyers’ summer might be only 10 games away.  Philly fans have had a rough year – we know a few, and like them anyway.  Lord knows we’ve all been there.  So here’s Captain Claude saying nice things about them in perhaps the most orange environment even caught on film.

If Danny gets a buyout or waives his NTC, I promise you a very Persuasive Power Point Presentation on why he should come to one of my teams, co-written by @linzerellak (as suggested by @alisonsykora).

The Caps are so frustratingly bad right now that I swore I would not go tonight’s game.  Despite taking 8 penalties in the first 34 minutes of last night’s match vs. Toronto, they managed to drag a one goal lead into the third period… and still blew it.  The postmortem is here – you’ve been warned.

So I’m boycotting.  Save money, right?  Make sound financial decisions while being warm and well fed in the comfort of my own home?

Trouble is, tonight is against the Flyers.

Pam is right, of course.  I’m so weak!  To make matters worse, the Flyers have conspired against me.

Danny will play on on Claude’s line tonight [link].

Supposedly it’s an attempt to kickstart the Flyers anemic offense, which is averaging just 2 goals per game and currently ranked 26th overall.  Last year’s leading goal scorer Scott Hartnell is out 4-6 weeks with a broken foot.  No Philly player has over 5 total points.  They’re 2-5 on the year.

Okay, it’s bad.  But it’s still just a cover story to make this possible…

… and to make sure I have to go.  What does Claude think of this?

.gif by firedupflyeredup.tumblr.com

It’s Date Night in DC.  [Giroux interview – Briere interview]

The trouble is that I don’t want the Flyers hugging!  Not against the Caps, not against anyone – except the Rangers, and then I feel a general, tidal sort of rage that could swamp anyone in it’s path.

I don’t want to see a ‘strolling across your devastated defense’ arm-in-arm…

Or a ‘nice try, Jeff Schultz’ fist-bump…

Nothing.  Not even reenacting this best gif ever:

Can the Caps get it together?  Neuvirth was the one bright spot last night – he stopped a few beauties, kept his team in the game.  Perhaps it’s the right recipe: the Caps biggest strength in goal vs. the Flyers biggest weakness on offense.

At 1-5-1 on the season, the Caps need something to go right.  Tonight kicks off a 3-game home stand that includes the Penguins on Sunday (whoop!) and a rematch with Toronto.  Tonight could be the night.

That’s what I’ll be telling myself later, from the Flyers side of the pre-game skate.

And my Twitter feed:

Too much?  Not enough?  Keep scrolling for more cute.

Rangers, Flyers… it’s not the kids fault.

Parker Staal has his own Tumblr feed, thankyouverymuch.

Madison Quick could be our mascot. When she grows up, we have a feeling she’ll love being named after the mermaid from Splash!

This is Joe Thornton, in case you’re not Chuck.  She knows.

Baby skates.  Just stop it.

We have not seen a picture of Baby Letang yet, but rumor has it Marc-Andre Fleury and his wife are expecting.  Milan Lucic and his wife of the sparkly high heels are having a baby this winter too.  Happy holidays, everyone!!

From facebook.com/hockeymemepage

The last game I went to was a Caps playoff win and, as I said at the time [link], “officially the most fun I’ve ever had at a hockey game.”  The one before that, also playoffs, I dragged Gator out of bed at 7 AM on a Saturday like I knew something amazing was going to happen.  Then Mike Green scored the GWG.

If this is it, I ended on a high note.  Now I can look back at a few things I’ll take with me when we go.

Pants’ Favorite WUYS Moments (old and new)

The first picture I ever posted of Mike Green.  In the 2+ years since this post, our fandom relationship has had enough ups + downs to qualify as chick lit.

The Crosby Comeback (Part I).  Of all the things I could say about Sid – Where are you supposed to look when you look at him?  No place is safe! –  I love how excited I was for his return [link] and that it was a hundred times better in real life. [link]

The way these girls are looking at Jordan Eberle.  You can substitute another player (I wouldn’t) and some full-size chairs, but that’s us.

The James Neal shootout goal that named the Nealmobile.  It was the start of something.  I’m sure you can hear us in the screaming.

The blinding perfection of Steven Stamkos.  Also how high he can jump.  I don’t run away from just anyone in the street.

In Vegas, Intern Jeff Skinner won the Calder Trophy (even though I was rooting for Couture).  This is one of my all-time favorite posts.

The Toewsface. There are so many, each perfect in its own way.  Each one judging you.  Never mind the body it’s attached to.

Camp Biological Clock Biosteel.  And the start of this video where Nealer and Seguin check themselves out in the mirror.

Viktor Stalberg and Andrew Shaw show off their not-so-secret identities. Bless the girl who talks them out of their shirts in under two minutes, teach us your Jedi mind tricks [link].

My fondness for gingers hit a new high/low, depending on how you feel about Claude Giroux. [link]  You ought to be corrupted by now.

Speaking of: if you Google “hockey plaid suits,” we are 2 of the top 5 results.

Then I admitted that I love Danny Briere, right around the time he had to stand on a box to be interviewed. [link]

Gabe Landeskog discovered Instagram & Twitter, could not find a shirt. [link]

When Chuck’s team won it all, and I was really happy for her. [link]

Then my team won Pants vs. Chuck and I was really happy for myself. [link]  Now we actively hate each other’s teams, which makes this all more fun.

Finally I was convinced about Tyler Seguin [link], and Chuck managed to hold herself together. [link]

I didn’t do so badly myself, thanks. (Except for that Stamkos thing.) [link]

My one regret will be if I don’t see another Penguins game.  I’ve forgiven but not forgotten the end of last season, and I’d prefer to wash it from my mind with champagne poured from the Cup.  God, I was so angry at them [link]!  We all need a mulligan sometimes.

My feelings can be summed up by Nike Hockey’s new ad campaign.  What are you going to do, take away my Stamkos?  Sure they’re talking about the lockout, but they could be talking about the apocalypse.  Wherever we end up when this is over, I hope there’s hockey.  And Stammer.  Then cold is okay too.

Because #hockeyisours.

Mostly I hope you’ve had fun with us over the last 2 years.  I love this place and every hilarious, inappropriate, hockey-loving member of this little family.

And if the world doesn’t end tomorrow, you know what that means…

FOXY-POCALYPSE FRIDAY.

It’s not that serious, but I’ve got a recurring problem: every time I hear the Rascal Flatts song “Banjo,” I get really excited and start rocking out in my car.  It’s a good 30 seconds before my brain remembers, “ACK!  I don’t like Rascal Flatts!  That guy’s voice drills my brain!”

This is the same experience I have when Danny Briere scores (minus the dancing).  I don’t like the Flyers!  His voice gives me the creeps!  Yet I still get really, really happy for him.

AAGHHHWHAT?! I know. Just listen: he scored 16 goals this season.  As in all year.  He has 8 goals in the playoffs – as in the last three weeks!  Five were vs. Pittsburgh and each was a nail in my coffin.  Now I have more perspective.  It’s like walking into the gym after a late night, looking at the treadmill and thinking, “This is going to hurt.”  I’ve accepted that it’s going to happen, and happen often, so I might as well get something out of it.

I’ve been saving this till you were all buttered up over Claude.  Briere’s kids are adorable and everyone’s hair is too long!  It’s like a Disney movie waiting to happen – somebody sweep in and make these guys a meal with vegetables!  (Giroux moved out, but he’d probably come over for free dinner.  You might have to feed Couturier too [link].)

I’m not saying Danny Briere will be drafted by my fantasy hockey team composed entirely of hot dads.  Chuck hates his beard and that whispery voice.  But he’s kinda Lord of the Rings-ish, no?  Legolas by way of the Shire?  He looks like he’d be good with a bow and arrow.

Speaking of Flyers I don’t like but can’t help enjoying – I mean Hartnell in just this one case.  And when he falls down.  Maybe I should make a list!

SBNation.com credit

For Linsday, here’s Giroux in another episode of Things That Are Also Orange:

The sun could be considered orange, and these legs need to see some of it.

I still want New Jersey to win, and for Foxy Friday Parise to keep a) losing his helmet and b) scoring goals like last night.  I’m not completely insane, just turning into a softie.  My only excuse is that I’m traumatized by the playoffs and need a trip to the quiet room.  Bright colors and a good old-fashioned Cinderella story are clearly distracting me.  I’m even giving myself the “Hall of Shame” tag for this lapse in good judgement.

 Teemu got his 651st goal by the end of the night.

 Little Danny Briere put on his big boy pants and got in his third ever fight and had a hat trick to boot.

Shane Doan got his first hat trick EVER with .o1 to go – YES and the Coyotes have really needed SOMETHING to get their party started.

And faster than you can say “Excuse me but does this stick in the face make me look fat?” the PA put the hammer down on the realignment and the Blue Jackets have fired their coach. Whew. There was a crap load of exciting hockey happening this weekend and I didn’t even cover Corey Perry’s hat trick  – wait I just did.

So if you missed any of it, I suggest you watch the above because it was pure hockey magic. A banner weekend of nuggeted hockey gold wrapped tightly like a firecracker that exploded a little late for the new year but we’ll take it any way!