2014 Calendar Shoot Teaser – Chicago Loves Pits

Warning: Video guaranteed to ruin your productivity and any current search for a real-life boyfriend.  100% increase in likelihood of pet adoption.

They really know how to dole it out in increments, these guys.

*sigh*

Just when we need someone who can be counted on to do the right thing, enter Jonathan Toews.  With a puppy.

This is a photoshoot in support of Chicago Loves Pits, founded by Brian Bickell.  I presume they’re doing a calendar.  Between this and Pens & Paws, I’m really going to know what day it is in 2014.

This lucky lady’s name is Juliette.  Looks like she took a few minutes to come around, but not even she could resist.

More Blackhawks?  More dogs?  Yes.

Foxy Friday infinity.

Gah, I feel better already.

Source: Twitter

There is a space for volunteers.  AND IT IS BLANK.

Alas, the enterprise of TSN is not to be underestimated.  They were live on the scene with camera equipment, like any good reality-based programming would be.  To honor their commitment, we present Team Canada hopefuls in…

If you don’t watch The Bachelorette… well neither do I.  But I enjoy the scathing wit and hilarious nicknames of BachCap on lostangelesblog.com.  In that spirit, we bring you this season’s contestants [full video].  At first there are so many, you can only categorize them as:

The Hot One

Too obvious?  No.  One guy is always really, really ridiculously good looking.  Out of the girl’s league.  Out of everyone’s league.  You kind of hate him until you find out he rescues puppies and shovels snow for old ladies and reads iambic pentameter to goldfish.  Then you just wonder what on Earth kind of moisturizer Sidney Crosby uses.

The Married Guy

One contestant always looks like a fake.  Like he told his wife he’d be in Shanghai on business for two weeks and will only confess/divorce to being on The Bachelorette if he doesn’t get kicked off in the first episode.  To cement the role, Duncan Keith obviously has a newborn child at home.

The Confidence Guy

We don’t mean “con man” in this sense, we mean the guy who walks into a room and instantly makes everyone feel like they skipped a shower and borrowed Mom’s favorite cat sweatshirt on laundry day.  You look at this guy and wonder why you even try.  Then Confidence Guy brings you a beer, asks about your favorite book and the entire TV audience is in love with Steven Stamkos before the Bachelorette even comes down the stairs.

The Kid

The Bachelorette’s first words will be, “He’s too young for me.”  Then she’ll gush – and we mean GUSH – about how energetic, enthusiastic and positive he is, how he has less baggage and his whole outlook is rosy.  Because this chick didn’t become the Bachelorette by having a series of great relationships.  Basically the last Bachelor liked her soooooooo much that he almost just barely didn’t ask some other girl to marry him.  After that, Taylor Hall looks like freshly fallen snow.  In a Lululemon pullover.

The Sleeper

He’s cute.  He’s nice.  There’s an embarrassing on camera moment, during a pontoon boat-and-private island luau group date where she forgets his name.  He’s completely adequate in every unchallenging way, which is why suddenly there are only three roses left and this guy’s still in the room.  The he busts out his guitar for an a capella, “You don’t know you’re beautiful… That’s What Makes You Beautiful!” and BAM.  The Hot Guy’s crying the back of a limo and Corey Crawford’s on the cover of People Magazine.

The Hair

Any date involving motorcycle rides, surfing or the general blowing of a fair breeze and the camera will zoom in for a slow motion hair flip that no girl could pull of so coquettishly.  You may not remember Braden’s name, but calling him The Dread Pirate Roberts will be the highlight of your Monday night.

The Freshman

Not to be mistaken for The Kid, The Freshman is old enough to play the game.  In fact he memorized the rule book, the strategy guide, the bylaws and did ALL the homework before he was dressed a half an hour early for the limo pickup.  He’s more ready for this than the Bachelorette herself.  Just wait till the Hometown date – every mom in TV land has been screaming for the Bachelorette to pick John Tavares.

The Quiet One

A lot of guys make a lot of noise.  The Quiet One waits it out, a bashful smile here and there, and a smart Bachelorette takes the bait.  When this guy gets the first one-on-one date, none of the other contestants can even remember what Patrice looks like.  But we know.

The Bad Boy

Let’s be honest, Bachelorette.  James Neal is not going to call you back.  John Tavares will call you 57 times before James even reads the text you sent.  You’ll only answer John’s call in case that’s the very moment James calls and gets voicemail.  What if he doesn’t leave a message?  Will your phone show a missed call?  James is the first guy the Bachelorette is making out with – and no one knows that better than he does.

There’s SO much more from camp already:

• Hockey Canada Press Conference video – Sid, Shea Weber, Roberto Luongo, Bergeron, Rick Nash at the 39 minute mark
• Team Canada ball hockey scrimmage with photo gallery.
• This picture of John Tavares.
• All in their uniforms, on their way to school work.
• Everybody in shorts.  I mean everybody.  (More contestants to be introduced as The Bachelorette continues.)
• Crosby at golf.  Full length.  Oh, Stammer‘s there too.
• We are still #TeamEbs.

I could go on all day.  Thanks to Lindsay and Alison for 100% legwork on these photos.  There will be new guys, nicknames and a few will even be voted off, but you must wait until the next episode of The Bachelorette.

Whatever you expected from a Patrick Kane party, you were underestimating.

SWEDES, you have passed us!! (photo by @jstefanc)

Police barricades can’t stop this cute at the Hawks parade. (also by @jstefanc)

Drunk Toews getting off the drunk bus by holding onto the stripper pole.

Kaner letting a guy with this mustache get all up on his trunk.

Corey Crawford, heavyweight f-bomb champion of the day.

Patrick Kane doing exactly that I’d do with the Cup AGAIN – take it to see Jimmy Buffett and Mac McAnally!

All these people who had more fun than we did on Friday.

Babies with the Cup.

And finally, this photo of Viktor Stalberg’s girlfriend that explains life, the universe and everything.

We’re with you, honey.

Alex Burrows scored just 2:43 in, and that goal would stand for almost the entire night.  Every Canuck player seemed 10 feet tall at times – the Hawks couldn’t go through or around them, and they were getting hit from all sides.  Vancouver had 3 shots on a penalty kill while the Hawks had none with the man advantage.  But Chicago kept coming: always scrappy, always giving everything.

Corey Crawford was an actual miracle in net.  If you could win the Conn Smythe in a single game, Crawford and Ryan Kessler could have sawed in it half.  Game 7 was like an endless boxing match and I felt beaten.

With 5 minutes left in the third, the hairs on my arms were standing up.  I could feel the electric charge building and something was going to snap.  At 18:04,shorthanded, on a second attempt nearly laying on the ice, Jonathan Toews scored the tying goal.

This actually makes me cry.  He willed this to happen – with all of our help this puck went in the net by sheer force of will.  Jonathan Toews has the heart of a lion and I will fight anyone who questions his place as captain.  I could see the “History Will Be Made” commercial, taste the champagne.

But luck, you are a bastard.  The Hawks were lucky to make the playoffs.  They were lucky to make it to game 7 and lucky to make it to overtime.  I was hoping luck would hold out just a few more shifts.  But in maybe the perfect metaphor for their 2010-2011 season, the Blackhawks just couldn’t quite get there.

The had a very rough start to the year, like their 3-0 record to start this series.  In the second half, they came on huge like they did to make this series 3-3.  Right at the end of the regular season, when it was within reach, the Blackhawks couldn’t get that last game to clinch.  Someone else’s loss was their gain.  And that’s where this playoff story had a different ending.  Chicago had more guts in Game 7 than they did at any single moment all season long.  Just because it didn’t happen doesn’t mean they didn’t earn it.

So Chicago is out.  But after a very long season that fought back at every turn, at least they went out like Champs.