Turn it up.

Is there sugar in syrup?

Now, I can identify about two of the Canadiens by their faces, so I really wish this thing had nameplates. I turned to the team roster to find find the names of my new favorite hockey players.

Dale Weise: Best Jazz Hands

You should see him build a snowman.

Brendan Gallagher: Most Likely to Add “Disney Prince” to his Tinder Profile

He is an assistant captain? He’s eight years old.

Nathan Beaulieu: Best Cross-Promotion of Disney-Owned Property

Debut Single: “A la Peanut Butter Sandwiches (Dance Remix ft. Justin Bieber)”

Jeff Petry: TIE – Most Age-Inappropriate Haircut and Best Liar

He sings “God knows, I tried” without actually trying.

Lars Eller: TIE – Most Likely to Star in Disney on Ice Presents: Frozen and/or Answer to the Name “Sven”

My bad, Sven is the reindeer! He’s cute too. I mean Kristoff, apparently.

Tomas Fleischmann: Most Confused why North Americans Find this Funny

Also could be a Sven.

Mike Condon: Most Likely to Have a Go-To Karaoke Song (That is By Journey)

Hold on to that feeeeelayeeeeyang!

Torrey Mitchell: Most Emotive Performance in 4th Grade Class Play

It’s all in the shoulder sway.

PK Subban: Moment You Realize “Let it Go” is Much Longer Than You Thought

Why is this buried at the 2:55 mark?

Bless all the guys who are into this, but the real star is Carey Price. He looks like he wants to die.

Carey Price: Most Likely to Trade His Voice to Ursula for Legs to Get the Hell Out of Here

Thingamabobs? I got twenty.

It will always bother me that “Let it go” is followed by “I am one with the wind and sky” instead of “wind and snow.” Yes, it rhymes the second line with the fourth, damn you ABAB scheme, but it rings awkwardly in my ear.

Though not as awkwardly as thinking of Elsa but seeing this in my mind:

Just wait till Pirates of the Caribbean karaoke, says Andrei Markov.

Oh what fun that Canadiens are having among the NHL’s top three teams. Happy holidays to all. May Santa put copyright infringement lawsuits in your stockings!

#sorryhesnotsorry

This year I donated on the promise that Mr. Pants would spare us all from his attempt. [Donate here]  Ever the joiners, some of our favorite hockey players could not be persuaded by the same argument.

Does this mustache make my jersey look 80s?

The Sidstache continues its bi-annual tradition of failing to ruin Crosby’s face.

Twitter is our confessional.

For a guy I’m willing to guarantee has never seen an adult film, John Tavares’ mustache is alarmingly licentious.  Give it a week to darken and a glass of scotch, it’ll be straight off Paul Rudd’s face in Anchorman.

Sex Panther (Yes, I really typed that.)

Like our favorite season – playoff beards – Movember is a time when any hockey player can shine.  The enthusiasm is fueled by charity, rivalry and selfies taken up one’s own nose.

crashzoom

Winnik’s mustache is pretty spectacular, but Komarov is no slouch.  Did we say get these mustaches off?  Rescind.  Let these babies grow.

It’s so heavy, he can’t stand up.

Chuck wanted to hire Eddie Lack as our new intern, then Intern Jeff Skinner saw his Movember face and sighed with relief.  This does not work for free.

Time for a trim, Eddie.

She’d have had better luck with Montreal’s Brendan Gallagher, who could get a dollar for every hair in this mustache and still need to borrow five bucks for lunch.

Soul patches may result in disqualification

But it’s not the result that count. It’s the effort and collective knowledge that no one, in any year, can ever really win Movember.  Because let’s face it, not even 2014 Beard of the Year and Stanley Cup winner Jeff Carter can really rock a mustache.  He’s just standing in this hallway, waiting for D’Artagnan to arrive for their duel.

Also resembling this guy from Justified.

Who’s rocking your favorite facial hair this month?  With two weeks to go, who else will finish strong?