But two drinks in, the bridesmaids are yelling, “DIBS!” and making shanks out of bobby pins.

The dads, like Alison’s dad there on the left (not really), are warming up their, “Have you met my daughter?” speeches.

While the groomsmen try not to look too drunk…

Even if they have to count reaaalllllyyy sllooowwwlllly…

And the married guys keep interrupting their attempts to flirt,

When they’re not laughing because they know how much an open bar costs.

But no matter how hard they try, there is always one guy who ends up going home alone.

Here are the full photo gallery and PensTV Video. Celina talks so fast that I am out of breath before they even get to Crosby, but this is something you’d (er, I would) probably pay a fortune to attend.  There is far less chance of physical embarrassment dealing cards than carrying plates, and I can’t help thinking Beau Bennett is a lot safer in this low-impact environment.

Twenty bucks says that Ehrhoff, tired of being left out, rigs the Secret Santa so he can buy Letang a selfie stick.

Because he knows we love guys in glasses.

The Dallas Stars also had a casino night this week. Furthering their quest to be Your Favorite Team, here’s video in which Jamie Benn admits his favorite part is “mingling with the female crowd” who sit at his table.

No shame if you just tried to buy a ticket for next year’s event like this:

Because:

So:

No surprise there.

PensTV has a video feature from the event. Everyone is always having so much fun, from the players to the kids. And who wouldn’t? Bowling makes awkward lumps of us all – except apparently Simon Despres, who owns his own bowling gear.

Work hard, play hard.

For most, even professional athletes, bowling is a great equalizer where success comes accidentally but often enough that you feel you might just actually get the hang of this someday. If not, there’s usually a crane game and maybe even karaoke.

Is it easier to bowl with long arms?

Not Geno, though. He’s a pro. He’s Grease lightning. He bowled two strikes in a row. [Video]

I am score.

How’d everyone else do?

I cannot work Snapchat, people.

Coach Johnston (who I think of as “Coach J,” as if he’s my own coach) seems like a kindly high school principal, guiding his charges into adulthood with calm and poise. I have the urge to ask him what to do with my future, so he can explain it in a way that makes me realize I knew all along.

Right, BSutts? Right.

Check out a few more photos at Make A Wish of GPA & WV. I leave you with this:

All that, and snacks too.

Donations to Make-a-Wish (still tax deductible through April 15!) can be made at www.wish.org.

:: unintelligble gurgling ::

Video from the calendar shoot is here.

I am always very susceptible to puppy-related advertising, as evidenced by my love for the Oilers (PUPPIES!).  Just three weeks ago, Mr. Pants & I adopted a rescue catahoula/Aussie shepherd mix named Blue.  LOOK AT THIS FACE! I love him more than Canada loves hockey, let me tell you.

Yes, I made my dog an Instagram: blue.aussie.

Before 2015 arrives, order your Pens & Paws Calendar at www.animalrescue.org.  It’s a bargain at $20 for a year worth of adorableness!  Here are a few shots, courtesy of Heidi, to get you ordering and shipping and hanging this baby on your wall.

Hug everything. Immediately.

Look at the little dog’s tongue. It captions this whole post.

The next Disney animated companion.

BSutts brings a boyfriend shirt, dog and shovel to bury Alison’s body.

For you Hawks fans, Bryan Bickell and his wife Amanda have put together another fantastic offering from the Bick’s Pits pitbull rescue foundation. I still have their 2014 calendar up and it makes me smile every day.

The calendar is $25 here, and you can see some of their adoption love stories on Facebook.  There’s a video below, but you won’t get past the 4-second mark.

The dog has a derpface. They are soulmates.

We have room for another dog, right?  A friend for Blue?  Just bring them all over, I’ll sleep in the car.

If your team did a calendar, send the info our way!  I think the Bruins did, we’ll leave that love to Chuck.

The Penguins’ annual Skates & Plates event was held last night, where the players wait tables, raise funds for charity and try not to spill food on people.  (I’d take care of that myself in this company.)

On the Pens team, you can have one of two haircuts.  The Flow, which Orpik and Vitale are growing into behind the fearless, forever lead of Letang:

Or the Practical Dad, worn best while standing together in family portraits.

BSutts parts to the left, like he’s cooler.

Hahahano.

Here’s proof on an actual dad:

(see also: Tanner Glass)

And on a future hot dad:

Dammit, Sid.  I’m not complaining, but we were really into this Clark Kent thing you had going there for a minute:

Was it too much work?  Bangs under a helmet not that comfortable?  I know, look at Letang all the time and get itchy for a hair tie.

Glaringly Panic-Inducingly Potentially-Catastrophically Noticeably missing from this event was James Neal’s hair, and the rest of him.

Immediate reaction, in order, from Lindsay, me and Alison:

I’m Hodgins. What? He’s rich, okay?

Nealmobile skipped yesterday’s practice on a “maintenance day.”  So did Kunitz, but that Monchichi was delivering dessert at Skates & Plates.  Even Duper was there.  Bylsma said the status of Neal & Kunitz would be re-evaluated today, prior to the Pens home & home vs. Philly this weekend.

A note to James Neal: Lindsay, Alison and I will be at the game in Pittsburgh in 8 days, 2 hours and 46 minutes.  So you have that long to:

• get healthy
• grow out your beard

You got all that?

There is video and a full story, complete with Crosby making the day of some little girl and Borts’s strategy  for the most tips (Dear Alison, send money).  There’s also a rather abbreviated photo gallery.  Start saving for next year.

Sid was interviewed on CBC After Hours, which is always filmed in a hallway.  I keep waiting for someone to knock over the Gatorade cooler in the back.

Sid admits to being competitive and even fighting with his sister.  Adorable.  I doubt he sits on her and farts like my brother used to do, but hey.  Maybe this is why we didn’t turn out to be sports heroes.

Finally, the moment we’ve been waiting for: they pick a Twitter question about Sid’s skincare routine.  They even joke about the entire interview building toward it, this secret of the universe and drug store aisle…

AND HE LIES.

Look at that face.  “Nothing,” he says.  Fine, be that way.  Your hockey bag is full of SPF 60 moisturizer and we are not fooled.  Now someone ask these other questions because we can definitely make Sid blush again.

The rest of Saturday’s late night attention was directed toward Kris Letang absolutely punking Brandon Sutter into ending up fully naked on TV.  I don’t know how you could have missed it, but you can Tumblr/Google if you must.

Poor BSutts, he’s never gonna live that one down.

Words to live by from fake Paul Martin.

(In case you have the urge, please don’t link to the BSutts picture in comments.  #hockeyporn is a hilarious hashtag for unintentional commentator gaffes but let’s keep it to that.)

Video: Pittsburgh Penguins 2013 Holiday Card

Made during Movember, the Penguins appear to have been pulled out of a police lineup, given Santa hats and told to hold up these CDs.  I feel like I’m trying to ID the guy I saw creeping around my yard in an episode of Law & Order.

Poor Matt Niskanen was so nervous he almost forgot how to pronounce his own last name.  (The innocent guys are always the most awkward.)

Some of the fake track titles are gems, like using a last name as a verb in “Martin’ Around the Christmas Tree” and “Malkin’ in a Winter Wonderland.”

Even the Captain’s here, making Skeptical Sid face.  But he said “kissing” and I giggled like a loon on loon pills.

Just when you think you’ve seen it all, or at least are wondering where the heck Malkin is during all this, they saved the best for last.  Kris Letang looking like a straight up madman.

Ha!  I feel like he popped out of a dumpster and shouted at me.  I threw my purse down and ran for it.  From the NHL Department of Player Sanity, his Disney Prince status currently under review.

Happy holidays, everyone.  If this unavailable fake CD isn’t quite what you’re hoping for in your stocking this year, may you at least be reminded of that time Sid couldn’t fit his wagon in this chair.

He’ll never fit down a chimney.

Huge thanks to @alisonsykora‘s mom Heidi, who took pictures of every page with her phone for us.  She likes James Neal the best because she’s a momgenius.

For safety, Sam overestimated the amount of room Sid needs to sit down.

Chuck Kobasew, come back to the lineup!

Matt D’Agostini’s in this year’s “Winter Look.”

Kunis and puppies and sweaters.

BSutts and Co. giving @alisonsykora the puppy eyes.

The closest to Raja that Aladdin could get.

These puppies match Geno’s outfit (and enthusiasm).

Joe Vitale and the tiniest little friend! Eeep!

Sassy and Neal. Yes, the dog is Sassy too.

Crosby is superstitious of black cats, so of course Duper has one.

Mario has one dog for each Stanley Cup.  He could handle more.

Hug it out, Rob Scuderi.

This is Nisky’s own dog. I’ll be over here, rolling around in my tears.

Get well soon, Beau. You’re too ridiculous to be without.

This scrappy little guy has Brooks’ eyes.

Disco Dogs

Also Flower’s own dogs.  And socks.

One last picture – a selfie:

First I asked Twitter to nominate candidates.  Then I picked a guy who only got one vote and declared him the winner anyway, because he’s from my home state and he plays for my team.  Is it Nepotism? No.  It’s America.

Brandon Sutter had a good week.  He got some goals, some hugs, some wins.  He even got confused for his dad, which if you’re a Sutter is a big deal.

As you know, he is also not Jordan Staal.  The subject of much weeping into a bag of Fritos during the lockout has become instead one of joy for Penguins fans.

Pick us up, swing us around.

Sutts played the last four seasons with the Hurricanes – including three stints with my hometown AHL Albany River Rats.  Brandon, you’re already Foxy Friday, you can stop with the flattering me. (Don’t stop.)

He was traded to Pittsburgh during JStaal’s wedding like a cake with someone inside, waiting to jump out.

So far he has 8 G/5A in 23 games this year.  He’s playing primarily third line center, though with Malkin out everyone is everywhere for the Pens.  It doesn’t matter.  When Brandon ends up alongside Neal, all James has to do is flinch while Sutter buries it:

When he’s on the ice with Crosby, he might not even pass.  He might just win the game himself.

How’s that feel, eh?

What else? Brandon is 24 and was born in NY (though he is Canadian) on Valentine’s Day, no less.  He’s tall and honestly too skinny, I worry about him getting broken out there.

According to the Tumblr rumor mill, Brandon is also recently engaged. It’s no wonder when you read that he keeps his apartment neat [link] and, well…

This trade has been a win for the Penguins, who’ve been winning a lot of games lately.  Sutter looks pretty happy about it too.  Here he is answering Twitter questions from Pens fans:

The Pens play the Rangers tomorrow afternoon, the rematch against Chuck’s Bruins on Sunday.  Sutter’s 2-goal comeback game will not be forgotten by the Bs.  They host the Caps tomorrow.. wait, why am I not in Boston this weekend? How dare Chuck be away on a weekend like this?

I guess it’s better, we don’t want to fight. GO PENS!

Side note: 200 people (okay, 5) voted #TeamGagner because apparently we don’t do enough for the Oilers around here.  Duly noted, ladies, duly noted.  Sam will get his day.  A few other guys got multiple votes and I’ve filed them all away.