from Geno’s Instagram

Well no, our obsession with boys in glasses began long ago.  Maybe it was when Chuck and I got our own glasses, or when we realized that we a) are nerds and b) like nerds.  Glasses may be more cool than Coke bottle these days, but the allure remains.

Smart is sexy.  The appearance of intelligence doesn’t hurt either.  It really helps if you look like you might read a book once in a while, and we’re not talking about the Official Strategy Guide for World of Warcraft.  (Kidding!  Mr. Pants has this.)

Based on the knowledge that girls do make passes at boys who wear glasses, here’s a collection of indisputable, photographic proof.

Foxy Friday: Hockey Players in Glasses

Okay, that’s unfair.

Now is the time to embrace your inner dork and give in.

Don’t kid us with your faux-frames, Kevin!  Kes would never do that.

Glasses can really improve any outlook.

They cannot overcome two earrings though, Buff.

And make terrifying things like Shea Weber’s beard slightly less so.

Glasses are a gateway drug for hipsters…

He’s since had Lasik, sorry.

… and at the same time, their crowning glory.

We haven’t seen these specs since Paul Gaustad left for Nashville…

Or since Chris Kirkpatrick’s turtleneck wardrobe went out of style.

That awkward high school photo of everyone, ever.

They can be used as a disguise…

Cape optional.

But if we see them on TV, we’re going to want to see them on your face.  We’re talking to you, James Neal.

And we’re not above getting your best friend to peer pressure you (or withhold breakfast).

Heck, glasses even work on Flyers…

And ex-boyfriends (who are now Flyers)…

And lobsters.

You don’t have to be a part-time model.  But it doesn’t hurt.

BONUS ROUND! Suggested by @jstefanc:

Happy Friday!

Patrick Kane, two track mind.  Hockey and…

I need a break.

But hockey stops for no Pants.

Over the last few days some important things have happened.  It’s our job to keep you informed, and keep you from from turning on the TV in October and shouting, “What the hell, Vinny Lecavalier is a Dallas Star?!”

Lecavalier Buy Out

In 2009, the Lightning signed Vinny to an 11-year, $85 million contract.  Now in 2013, they are returning him to the store for a 33% refund.  Should’ve bought that at Nordstrom, they’re famous for buying back old tires.

Vinny’s offensive output has steadily declined over the past few years [stats] as injuries have mounted.  With 7 years left on his deal, the Lightning will have to pay him 2/3 of the remaining $45 million (or $29.7 million), plus guaranteed signing bonuses totaling $8 million [Cap Geek].  Yes – they’re still paying signing bonuses on this deal.  Good lord.  What the Bolts get back is $15+ million in salary plus the clean wipe of $7.727 million/year off their salary cap.

(Math admittedly done by Pants.  Corrections anyone?)

Stevie Y explained the move [story].  He failed to confirm if they’re investing the saved money in a cryogenic chamber for Marty St. Louis to sleep in all summer.

Alex Tanguay Back in Colorado

File Under: Things Only Pants Cares About

Not true!  This trade sent David Jones and Shane O’Brien to CGY for Alex and Cory Sarich.  Avs fans, do you love this?!  [These guys say yes!]

If you’re new to my mad ramblings, here’s a recap: Alex Tanguay is my lobster.  My LTHR (Long-Term Hockey Relationship).  I had a shirt that just says TANGUAY  made off some website in 2000.  In ’04 I scheduled an entire cross-country drive with my dad around seeing a game in Denver… and Alex didn’t even play!! I have never seen him play, in fact.  Love don’t need a reason, y’all.

Why would I be excited about seeing a player I love traded to the second-worst team in the NHL (last season)?  Nostalgia, really.  The way Alex played in Colorado.  Plus he came from Calgary and they weren’t doing much anyway.  Forsberg should’ve saved his brief comeback for this because reuniting the AMP line would have put me over the edge.

Also, I now feel less bad about rejoicing when Iginla went to the Penguins.

People Who Have Dumped Alex Tanguay for Sidney Crosby:

• Pants
• Jarome Iginla

Sorry, Tangs.  Welcome home.

Danny Briere Still Needs a Team

Nothing can happen until July 5, when Danny (and Bryz and Vinny) officially become free agents.  Until then, I’m just saying:

I’m an excellent tour guide.

Kris Letang Turns Down $54 million for 8 Years

And so the huge contracts catch up with everyone.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Letang.  I love him on defense when it’s not this year in the playoffs.  This offer is a bargain compared to Shea Weber’s 14-year/$110 million contract and Ryan Suter’s $13-year/$98 million deal.

But read that Vinny Lecavalier part again.  Think about Luongo and Bryz and almost Ovechkin there for a second when it looked like $9.5 million a year was buying 35 goals.  Of course Kris wants a huge, long-term contract.  Right now, every team in the League sees these contracts as bricks being thrown through very expensive windows.  (Note: Per the new CBA, eight years is the max contract length for a player re-signing with his current team.  Seven years for a new team. [link]  Thanks Lindsay and Alison, who are reading the CBA for fun.)

“Fabulous Harry, I love the feathers.”

Mark Messier Leaves the Rangers

I was home in NY two weeks ago, reading a full page cover story on Mark Messier interviewing for the Rangers head coaching position.  The next day, Alain Vigneault got the job.  I laughed, because the timing was embarrassing and I hate the Rangers.  But I don’t hate Mark Messier.  He will join the team to build the Kingsbridge National Ice Center in the Bronx, NY, which will be the largest indoor ice complex in the world and boast nine skating rinks [link].

Sounds to me like a place they could have put the Islanders, if Brooklyn didn’t beat them to it.

The Coyotes Could Actually Move

Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme….

No, no, really!  The City of Glendale, AZ will vote July 2 on a lease agreement for the Coyotes Arena (Jobing.com Arena).  If they okay the lease, the NHL can sell the team to an outfit that would keep it in AZ [story].  If they don’t, Bettman says there’s time to move the team before the start of next season.   That’s a 3 month window, without training camp.    They’ll be packing like a breakup, tossing everything out the window onto the lawn.  Leave the gun, take the cannoli.

More on the deal, including a clause that would let the new owners end & move the Coyotes in 5 years anyway, from Phoenix Business Journal.

What else is new?  I’m surely missing something, blogging on half-screen while watching the Blackhawks parade.  And that first Patrick Kane gif….

Sidney Crosby is out again with concussion-like symptoms.  He passed the ImPACT test but says he doesn’t feel 100%.  In this case, we appreciate the caution and honesty.  And the hilarious idea that he could be less than perfect.  He’ll be keeping also concussed Kris Letang company in the press box.

Zdeno Chara sprained his knee Saturday in an injury that apparently looked worse than it was.  Coach Julien says he’s day-to-day, though doubtful for tonight vs. Los Angeles. [link]

Mike Green is seeing a specialist for his injured groin.  I could make so many jokes if I weren’t crying.  Nicky used all the tissues and I’m wiping tears on my sleeve now.  Mike is skating and his spirits are high (a Twitter-verified fact), but he has played in only 8 games this season.  The Washington Express had a big, sad story on him today [link, page 9].

Claude Giroux, possibly the only ginger human I don’t like, is out indefinitely with a concussion.  He was injured by friendly fire on Saturday when Wayne Simmonds’ knee caught his head as Simmonds attempted to jump over Giroux’s fallen body.  [link]

The Islanders activated Evgeni Nabakov from injured reserve yesterday; apparently his groin injury is healed.  Good thing because Rick DiPietro (go BU) is out with the same problem. [link – and why did the Sacramento Bee pick up this story?]

Intern Jeff Skinner owes a few dollars to the Liar Jar, we think.  It was reported Friday that Jeff had “flu-like symptoms,” while everyone thought he might be concussed from a hit he took vs. EDM on Wednesday.  Coach Muller says they’re wrong, but Skinns is questionable for tonight vs. Toronto. [link]

Don't try to distract us! We are really worried!

Sabres Mike Weber, Paul Gaustad and Patrick Kaleta are returning to the lineup, which still leaves them with approximately 212 injured players. [link]

Foxy Friday Mike Richards gave his first interview since sustaining a head injury (unofficial concussion) on December 1. [link]  Even after the hit he can’t stop talking trash and getting in people’s faces.

Brian Gionta (BC sucks) has missed one game with a lower body injury, and is expected to miss tonight.  The Habs currently have 8 (hundred) players out of the lineup. [link]

The Cancuks will get Dan Hamhuis and Cody Hodgson back tonight, leaving them with 10 other injured players.

AND…

Last but not least...

Calgary’s Alex Tanguay had the flu. He’s better.  That’s my lobster!

Tanguay and the Flames have agreed to a five-year extension that will pay the offensively-gifted forward $17.5 million. [Article at NHL.com]

Alex and I go way back to when Crosby and Toews were learning multiplication tables.  Seriously, Stamkos was 11 when Tanguay won the Cup with Colorado. This goal…

And so Alex is my lobster.  He had a few tough seasons, but Iginla and I both love him.  Now he’ll get to keep contributing while the Flames try to figure out how not to be so terribly streaky and maybe make the playoffs.  There was quite the outcry when Calgary brought him back last season at $1.75 million, then he had 69 points.  He so deserves this and I’m thrilled to see him stay.

Flames’ Alex Tanguay is out indefinitely with a concussion.  No individual hit has been identified as the culprit, but Tanguay last played in the Flames win over Chicago on Monday night.  He missed practice Tuesday and Wednesday before the announcement was made.

Things were looking up.

I am the world’s #1 Alex Tanguay fan and I have been known to go on about him (this post, this post).  He is my lobster and we go back like Melrose’s mullet. And now Forsberg is making a return… this can’t be happening!  Aside from bad news for me, it’s really bad news for Calgary.  After a really rough start they have been on a roll:

The Flames are 12-3-4 in their last 17 games, and have climbed from 14th to eighth in the Western Conference, one point ahead of ninth-place Los Angeles. Tanguay has 5 goals and 11 assists in that span.  Tanguay has 14 goals and 28 assists in 55 games this season. – NHL.com

On the doorstep

We are very upset with this development.  I am probably having selective memory, but I don’t remember concussions being such a big problem in past years.  It seems like when they started making rules to avoid them, they started happening more.  It’s not true of course (paging anyone named Lindros).  It’s just a little closer to home these days.

GET WELL SOON, ALEX! Dawn is really counting on the Flames making something happen this season.  I’m really counting on seeing you vs. Foppa without having to ride in the TARDIS.

UPDATE! I love the internet.  In the time it took me to find that video, things have improved!  40 minutes ago Alex was out indefinitely with a concussion.  24 minutes ago the Flames said it was neck strain.  14 minutes ago he was listed as day-to-day. Don’t change the station.

Instant Improvement

It was Mikka Kipprusoff’s 34th birthday and the Flames were up 4-1 in the second period.  There was a lot of this:

FREE HUGS!

And a lot of this, just because.  6 fighting majors were doled out during the game, along with an instigator penalty and 2 roughing minors.

Then Kipper started thinking about the sieve-shaped birthday cake Dawn was baking for him and gave up 3 goals in 10 minutes, resulting in a lot of this:

Lobster on the right, paying the price.

So we went to overtime, then to a shootout.  And this happened:

High score? What does that mean? Did I break it?

Ultimately the end result was:

Iginla's bet is paying off.

Both goaltenders were a mess – from standing on their hands to dropping their pants on alternating shifts.  There was a fight every 5 minutes, and twice they had to stop going to commercial because a dust-up broke out after the whistle.  One fight the cameraman couldn’t find till it was almost over.

The moral of the story is Alex Tanguay is playing great and I still don’t have him back on my fantasy team.  But I do believe in him, especially if he keeps making rink-wide slot passes like he did for Bouwmeester’s goal last night.  PS: Excellent last name. Almost as many useless letters as Antero Niittymaki.

Photos: Calgary Sun

That's even lobster read.

Alex got 2 goals and an assist on Sunday night vs Edmonton.

I was at Jimmy Buffett, but Dawn and I watched the game rerun.  It brought me great joy for Alex and Score: A Hockey Musical was discovered.  Here’s the longest AT interview I have ever seen.  So cute, so French!

“Alex Tanguay was a trending topic on Twitter Canada.” [read story]

Back on Sept 21 I tried to start #AlexTanguay.  I did that!  You know how well it worked.  Also, Canada has it’s own Twitter? What the what? I need to transfer over immediately (I use Yahoo Canada b/c I am crazy) and perhaps my Tweets will make sense to more than the 125 spambots who follow me.

I dropped Alex from my Fantasy Team on Sunday morning.

That’s the real truth, ye of little faith!  I waived Alex for someone who sure as heck didn’t earn 11 points that night.  This is what happens when you cheat folks; Carrie Underwood takes a Louisville Slugger to both headlights.  He hadn’t notched a point in days and I am a cold-hearted faith-failing traitor.  Sorry Alex, you showed me.

So now, do I put him back on my Fantasy Team?  There’s no right move.  It’s still very early and I’m emptying my wallet into the wishing well in hopes that this is just the beginning of a comeback season for Alex.  But am I willing to bet on it again?  Iginla says Alex gets 70-80 points this year.  Does it matter when my FTeam is so bad anyway?  I’m torn, and either way I’m still a jerk.

He might be Iggy's lobster too. I can share.

– Alex Tanguay notched 2 assists and was named first star against Vancouver in mini-game, split-squad action.  Woot!

– Ducks players who weren’t on the ice were around the arena meeting fans.  Ryan Getzlaf, get me some nachos. (photos)

Beers are on Getz.

– No one really knows what a Blue Jacket is.  It apparently refers to “Ohio’s rich Civil War” history, but is not a direct reference to anything except a Shawnee American Indian chief who may have been a captured white man raised by the tribe.  Almost as confusing as why Columbus has a hockey team.

I was thinking about what to post today, and all I could find were 20 videos of Captain Serious boring me to death while I wondered how much he gets an hour for mowing lawns in his neighborhood.  Because you know he does.  Probably for free if you feed him PB&J with no crust and some Sunny D.  So instead I found this, dedicated to Dawn Cherrie: it’s laugh-out-loud funny, after which I want to put Sean Avery in a box with a wolverine and throw him into the Hudson River.  [The New Yorker in me loves this.  Je suis désolé, Maxime.]

Alex Tanguay, as Phoebe from Friends would say, is my lobster.  He was my favorite player for a long time – back before I had to preface it with “totally random” because he fell off the radar, the map and just about every roster in the League.  But now, he’s back.  I’m feeling it.

Sitting, waiting, wishing.

Alex was drafted 12th overall in ’98 and played6 effing awesome seasons in Colorado, scoring as many as 79 points and winning the Cup in 2001.  He went to Calgary in ’06, rocked out one 85-point season and then dropped to (a totally respectable) 62 points the next year.  Alex waived his no-trade clause in ’08 – in hindsight a TERRIBLE idea – and was dealt to Montreal.  A shoulder injury and unimpressive season later, he went to Tampa Bay where last season was plagued by dismal production and lingering injuries.

"I miss Foppa."

So what was Calgary thinking taking Alex back?  They gave him a 1-year, $1.7 million deal and everyone flipped their toque about it.  The pressure is on.  If Alex can get back into the swing alongisde Jarome Iginla and Olli Jokinien, they’ll be calling this the steal of the century.  In the Flames first intrasquad game, Alex got a goal and two assists – that’s a point for every goal of that game.  Alex is a passer.  He can score (career high 33 goals in ’01, all the way to the Cup), but he been the setup man for some ridiculous goal scorers, like Peter Forsberg and Milan Hejduk.  Just typing their names in the same sentence gives me goosebumps!  Not to mention Iginla, a 50-goal scorer who definitely has it in him to repeat.

I feel like I grew up with Alex, who is now married with a daughter.  I once had a custom-made shirt that just said TANGUAY on the front and a battle royale with my mom when she lost it in the laundry.  My old Jetta had an Avs sticker on the bumper and my dad and I drove from LA to Colorado so we could go to a game, then Alex was injured and the Avs lost like 25-2.  That same car broke down on the way to see the Flames @ Sharks in ’07,  I’m really trying here, people!

So I’m going to reach out there and lay it down:  Alex Tanguay is back.  Alex Tanguay can produce.  He can stop breaking my heart by looking so sad in a Lightning uniform and start being happy enough to get caught on camera singing to David Cassidy: