Dear 2013,
Please don’t let us down.
Love,
Pants, Chuck and everyone who feels like the kids in this photo
Crosby plays in Cole Harbor charity game [link]
Have a safe and happy holiday, everyone!
Oh holiday season, with your feelings of family and togetherness. There have been babies everywhere lately – my Thanksgiving, Christmas, office.
And my Twitter feed:
Too much? Not enough? Keep scrolling for more cute.
Rangers, Flyers… it’s not the kids fault. 😉
Parker Staal has his own Tumblr feed, thankyouverymuch.
Madison Quick could be our mascot. When she grows up, we have a feeling she’ll love being named after the mermaid from Splash!
This is Joe Thornton, in case you’re not Chuck. She knows.
Baby skates. Just stop it.
We have not seen a picture of Baby Letang yet, but rumor has it Marc-Andre Fleury and his wife are expecting. Milan Lucic and his wife of the sparkly high heels are having a baby this winter too. Happy holidays, everyone!!
Whatever you’re doing right now, just stop. It’s ruined. Along with everything else in your life that isn’t this picture or a chocolate-freaking-milkshake into which you drown your feelings about this picture.
From The Fourth Period magazine, courtesy of Alison (@alisonsykora) Takeover Day.
You know the little girl in the movie Annie who says, “Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!” over and over?
I just did a really R-rated version of the same thing.
Since we couldn’t attend Canada on Saturday evening, welcome Alison (@alisonsykora) with a guest post!
I told myself I didn’t care anymore. The lockout was dragging and NHL hockey was no longer a part of my life. I had accepted it and moved on.
Then the RBC Charity Challenge happened.
“Mwhahahaha,” said Stamkos.
The NHLPA threw James Neal, Steven Stamkos, Logan Couture, Michael Del Zotto, Joffrey Lupul, PK Subban, and a bunch of other players on the same sheet of ice, and my inner fangirl was doomed from the very announcement.
I paid my $30, got a third row ticket and emotionally prepared myself.
I knew it was going to be a great night when I saw PK Subban on my way to the grocery store. I did what any other normal person would do – speed-walked right past him in stunned silence then tweeted about it immediately.
Eventually it was game time. I could talk about how much I missed the sights, sounds and smells of a hockey arena, but I have far too many pictures of James Neal and Steven Stamkos for that. I know what you really want.
First came the warm-up. Team Subban debuted, then Team Stamkos. That’s when we all died fangirl deaths. Look, NHLPA. You can’t just put Stammer, Nealer, and MDZ on the same team and expect every female in the place to contain herself. (Pants Note: Word.)
It was arguably the best part of the entire game, because the players skated without their helmets on and we got to see all of this:
During the game, the announcer gave James Neal the not-actually-real award of “Best Hair on the Ice.” Pascal Dupuis may not have been there to rub his stick in it (that sounds inappropriate!), but Nealer’s hair looked, as always, pretty fabulous.
Puck drop: Steven Stamkos, Elisha Cuthbert’s fiancé, and 4 other guys that you’re probably not going to know unless you’re a Leafs fan. (Are there any of you out there, or am I alone in my misery?)
Fun fact: PK and Steven used to be teammates when they were little kids. Like that one stacked team in every rec league that wins all the trophies.
Jim Cuddy sang the national anthem. This picture is so Canadian it hurts.
What follows is a random selection of the best pictures from throughout the game. If you’re not a fan of James Neal’s face, maybe just skip this part.
(Pants Note: Maybe just skip this blog!)
This just seemed like a necessary inclusion.
Nealer and Purcell having a serious discussion about which of them is better friends with Stamkos. (Pants Note: Awkward foreground moment.)
Oh my god, just stop it.
If only they were facing the camera.
Obligatory James Neal tongue photo. Sorry about your ovaries, Pants.
Versteeg is probably singing “Glamorous” by Fergie to Stammer right here.
I’d totally be staring at/taking pictures of Teddy Purcell’s butt, too.
It took until the second period for me to remember that Team Subban existed.
I have nothing coherent to say. I just spent 5 minutes staring at Stammer here.
Bless your heart, Phil the Thrill. You put on a stickhandling clinic through traffic in the slot, then missed the shot, lost your footing, crashed into the boards and got up laughing.
My three boyfriends. But I guess I can share.
Pretty sure this line combined for like 30 points.
These poor, misguided children. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache and despair. RUN BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.
It’s impossible not to like Joffrey Lupul. He sasses Gary Bettman, has great taste in music, and has that face.
I was so distracted by Team Stamkos that I unfairly neglected Logan Couture until the 3rd period.
Wojtek “the Polish Prince” Wolski, just for Chuck.
Last picture of James Neal, I SWEAR.
Sadly, the game eventually ended and I remembered that the lockout still exists. But at least I have all these pictures to get me through it.
On my way home I saw David Steckel who, despite what I’m about to say, seemed to be a lovely and fantastic person who I’m sure did not mean to hit Sidney Crosby in the head.
But while everyone else was asking him for autographs, I experienced an intense rage flashback. It took everything in me not to angrily shout something about staying away from Canada’s National Treasure. (Last week, against my better judgment, I re-watched “Pens/Caps: 24/7” and I’m. Still. Bitter.)
Hope you guys enjoyed my little recap, and more importantly, the pictures! If you’re looking for pictures of a specific player from the game, let me know. I literally took hundreds of pictures, so this is just a small sampling, and I don’t mind sharing.
Thanks to Pants and Chuck for letting me do this guest blog! Also a big thank you to Elena for fangirling with me throughout the entire thing!
Just in case tomorrow really is the end of the world, it’s been fun. The lockout can’t ruin hockey for me. I decide what I love about it, like the Penguins and Capitals at the same time. Throw in a Flyer while you’re at it. Expansion teams, underage boyfriends, never remembering if the Blackhawks are in my time zone… ah, the good old days.
From facebook.com/hockeymemepage
The last game I went to was a Caps playoff win and, as I said at the time [link], “officially the most fun I’ve ever had at a hockey game.” The one before that, also playoffs, I dragged Gator out of bed at 7 AM on a Saturday like I knew something amazing was going to happen. Then Mike Green scored the GWG.
If this is it, I ended on a high note. Now I can look back at a few things I’ll take with me when we go.
Pants’ Favorite WUYS Moments (old and new)
The first picture I ever posted of Mike Green. In the 2+ years since this post, our fandom relationship has had enough ups + downs to qualify as chick lit.
The Crosby Comeback (Part I). Of all the things I could say about Sid – Where are you supposed to look when you look at him? No place is safe! – I love how excited I was for his return [link] and that it was a hundred times better in real life. [link]
The way these girls are looking at Jordan Eberle. You can substitute another player (I wouldn’t) and some full-size chairs, but that’s us.
The James Neal shootout goal that named the Nealmobile. It was the start of something. I’m sure you can hear us in the screaming.
The blinding perfection of Steven Stamkos. Also how high he can jump. I don’t run away from just anyone in the street.
In Vegas, Intern Jeff Skinner won the Calder Trophy (even though I was rooting for Couture). This is one of my all-time favorite posts.
The Toewsface. There are so many, each perfect in its own way. Each one judging you. Never mind the body it’s attached to.
Camp Biological Clock Biosteel. And the start of this video where Nealer and Seguin check themselves out in the mirror.
Viktor Stalberg and Andrew Shaw show off their not-so-secret identities. Bless the girl who talks them out of their shirts in under two minutes, teach us your Jedi mind tricks [link].
My fondness for gingers hit a new high/low, depending on how you feel about Claude Giroux. [link] You ought to be corrupted by now.
Speaking of: if you Google “hockey plaid suits,” we are 2 of the top 5 results.
Then I admitted that I love Danny Briere, right around the time he had to stand on a box to be interviewed. [link]
Gabe Landeskog discovered Instagram & Twitter, could not find a shirt. [link]
When Chuck’s team won it all, and I was really happy for her. [link]
Then my team won Pants vs. Chuck and I was really happy for myself. [link] Now we actively hate each other’s teams, which makes this all more fun.
Finally I was convinced about Tyler Seguin [link], and Chuck managed to hold herself together. [link]
I didn’t do so badly myself, thanks. (Except for that Stamkos thing.) [link]
My one regret will be if I don’t see another Penguins game. I’ve forgiven but not forgotten the end of last season, and I’d prefer to wash it from my mind with champagne poured from the Cup. God, I was so angry at them [link]! We all need a mulligan sometimes.
My feelings can be summed up by Nike Hockey’s new ad campaign. What are you going to do, take away my Stamkos? Sure they’re talking about the lockout, but they could be talking about the apocalypse. Wherever we end up when this is over, I hope there’s hockey. And Stammer. Then cold is okay too.
Because #hockeyisours.
Mostly I hope you’ve had fun with us over the last 2 years. I love this place and every hilarious, inappropriate, hockey-loving member of this little family.
And if the world doesn’t end tomorrow, you know what that means…
FOXY-POCALYPSE FRIDAY.
This is a few days old, but the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.
It doesn’t hurt if you’ve got a smile like Flower’s, either.
Also doing good work for the holidays – the Blackhawks, helping the Greater Chicago Food Depository [link].
Jon’s getting way too much hand-in-pocket there, I think he needs smaller jeans (paging James Neal!). Or more squats.
.gif by @jobiegirl6
Can we get that for Christmas, Tazer?
The best charity event so far? Scott Hartnell beat James van Riemsdyk to raise money for Hurricane Sandy relief [link]. Hartnell raised $22k to JvR’s $18k… so JvR went shopping today at the Mall of America, in full hockey gear.
When there’s no hockey on, it’s hard to dislike the Flyers (and former Flyers).
The NHLPA Goals & Dreams Fund and RBC Play Hockey program have their charity game tonight in Toronto. Alison will be there taking photos for us and trying not to get arrested.
If team Stamkos/Neal isn’t enough, Steven said in an interview this week: “Hopefully we get back because I’m getting too big in the gym working with Gary [Roberts].'” [link]
And I was said:
If you see a great hockey-related holiday story, send it to us! Since I can’t just check team websites, there are surely a lot I’m missing.
SANTA, YOU LISTENED!
Dear sweet Mother of I Don’t Know What I Did to Deserve This but your girl here was apparently on the REALLY REALLY NICE list this year, and Christmas is a little early.
I screamed when I saw these. My boss came running and found me face down on my desk pointing at the monitor. She mumbled something about a “dorky white guy” and left me hyperventilating into a bag of Reese’s Pieces.
“These are a few images from a recent shoot at Longue Vue Country Club of James Neal of the Pittsburgh Penguins for Travis Mathew Apparel.” – Seth L. Williams Photography
Go to the Travis Matthew site now and buy more presents for everyone you know. Hire Seth L. Williams immediately for all events. Give these people your money, they have already given us the goods!
Endless, glittery, cupcake-flavored holiday hearts to @svenglass for sending this. You are my hero.
LOOK AT THAT TATTOO! Did I just say I don’t like tattoos (re: Mike Green)? LIES, ALL LIES!
I love it. I don’t even care what it is. I will put it on the flag of the country I start when I win the lottery, buy an island and create my own hockey league.
Nealand. Now accepting applications for citizenship.
James, don’t also start wearing tight pants. Unless you’re going to call me on that phone right now (202-000-1818), I cannot handle any more physical description or idea of description or basic general approximate estimated information. Or anything to do with your pants.
Ah, f&%$ it. More pants!
Sweaters too… don’t leave me any chance of walking away with my wits intact.
This is so autumnal, so back-to-school that I really want to play flag football with accidental, full-body tackling. Possibly in the mud. Anyone else get that?
I can’t go on. I’ve run out of semi-coherent things to say and all I hear is the sound of a cash register ringing in my head.
That’s it. I’m getting coal and Flyers tickets next Christmas, but it was worth it.
Someone should check on me in an hour, make sure I’m still breathing.
Again, all these photos are from www.sethlwilliams.com. They deserve a case of wine or a wagonload of gold bars. Bless them, every one.
In an alternate universe, today is Monday, December 17. The Panthers are playing the Capitals tonight. I’ll be there, meeting Rae and Josie in our usual seats before the pre-game skate with a beer and chicken tenders. It’s a great game: Mike has a hat trick, Nicky has four points, iCarly is under the hood and during the intermission, all the Mites on Ice fall down at the same time.
Alas, I’m stuck in this crappy version of hockey-challenged reality. At least Tumblr wouldn’t leave us alone on a dreary Monday that promises to drag on all week until holiday vacation time.
Tumblr presents – An ode to Mike’s hair:
And one to his tattoos, which I still don’t like. Apparently that doesn’t matter as much as I once would have thought.
Alterna-Mike has completed his transformation. Once upon a time, we’d have testified in court that he styled his hair with a mascara wand. Now this hat is the new hairdo. It makes my eyebrows feel really inferior.
And this shirt makes all other shirts jealous.
Chuck has lost her mojo. She’s using words like “uninspired” and “can’t muster the enthusiasm” to describe her current state of hockey-related ennui.
Well, it’s Ebs’s first-ever pro hat trick to the rescue!
In my our his ongoing effort to make the whole world #TeamEbs, Jordan scored 4 goals and 1 assist on Saturday night. That’s date night, for those of you playing along at home. We wish we had a date with a hockey game.
Sad Santa has reported that you cannot buy an Eberle Barons shirt, even though he is the AHL’s top scorer. [store link]
The embargo we’ve imposed on buying anything NHL-related hardly helps, because they don’t make Ebs shirts for women either. GAH! It’s okay, we’ll design our own and send Jordan a check. He can buy a bell for his bike.
Entire post-game interview:
Despite all this, the Barons have dropped to 4th in their division and 7th in the AHL Western Conference. The standings are pretty jammed up and they’re just six points out of the lead. Plenty of time left to play… seriously, has hockey season ever seemed so long?
Okay, that’s gratuitous. I’ll admit it.
UPDATE: Jamie says they do make Ebs shirts for girls. When the NHL gets its shit together and buys us lots of flowers and chocolates, we might think about getting back together enough to give them money. Maybe by then the Oilers store will have Ebs’ shirts back in stock. Though it’ll be a tough choice between that and…
Please, hockey. Please come back.
Esbee (@Esbee92) might have the greatest Twitter self-description ever: “I like boys. And hockey. And boys. Did I mention hockey?”
She was lovely enough to scan the current issue of The Hockey News for us, after I searched the entire east coast of the United States for a copy. No dice.
I know that reading this article won’t keep you from buying the magazine, because there is an full-page inclusion of this:
Sport Chek ad campaign post – August 2012
Whew. Onto the words. Click any page for the hi-res (and hopefully legible) version of the feature.
I had to blow this graphic up for you. If these projections had proven true, Crosby would have won the Art Ross Trophy in ’10-’11 AND ’11-’12, plus tied Ovechkin for it in ’07-’08. He did win the award on ’06-’07 with 120 points (played 79 games, fell 5 points short of the below).
The number of NHL-player charity hockey games that I could not attend increased on Saturday night, with “Rock the Lockout” in Windsor, Ontario.
Coached by the Windsor Spitfire’s staff and captained by Steve Ott and Dan Clearly, a total of 28 goals were scored in the contest. The event drew 4,500 fans, including WUYS pal Briehton (@beeDfraz). She was nice enough to take some photos for us!
Thirty-six players participated, including Nealer. I think he misses us too.
The game was less than 10 miles from Joe Louis Arena, and had a little Red Wings reunion going on.
One more, since Nealer goes out of his way to spend quality time on the other side of photos for us.
Here’s news video from ABC 7 in Detroit, including interviews with Dan Cleary and Niklas Kronwall.
The next charity game is the RBC Play Hockey Charity Challenge in Toronto on 12/19. Team captains will be Stamkos and Subban, and the rosters will include Dion Phaneuf, Phil Kessel, Tomas Kaberle, Mike Komisarek, Logan Couture, Kris Versteeg, Niklas Kronwall and John Michael Liles.
And James Neal.
Thanks to Briehton for the photos!!
Today’s productivity will officially be… SQUAT.
Please tell me this CCM Pro Summit camp in Vail back in November was like regular summer camp, and they’re rehearsing an end-of-season Talent Show dance routine. Kellerman’s, anyone? I carry a mean watermelon.
Look at Duchene desperately trying to avert his eyes. Look away, look away… or just get out of my spot, Matty. I’ll take it from here.
Is it too many 80’s references if I point out that somebody’s going to put Molly Ringwald in a corner? He’s leading with the wrong leg. Tavares in the back looks like he could do this all day. As for Gabe, well, half of him is more than all of most people.
(We love @alisonsykora!)
People are talking about Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers on 12.12.12, but we here at WUYS know how to party.
Happy Eric Staal Day!
One of the worst things about this lockout is the delay of seeing Eric and Jordan on the same team. This was going to be their year! (Jordan got 11.11.11 and it fell on a Foxy Friday – he’s my favorite Staal, what can I say?)
It’s time to unmask the “sod farm” they supposedly grew up on for what it really is – an extremely successful Canadian genetic engineering facility.
In the event of zombie apocalypse, the “sod farm” might be overrun with resourceful woman volunteering to help repopulate the Earth.
Ever the over-achiever, Captain Eric has a head start with two adorable children already. This is Parker, our future intern.
Well, maybe Eric has three kids.
If you’ve never attended a Canes game and seen EStaal in person, you are missing out on a MAJOR AWARD. Plus Intern Jeff Skinner wants to know why you don’t visit him like you promised.
Celebrate 12.12.12 by watching these instead:
What, were you doing something else today?
How to know WUYS is the blog for you:
You’d gladly trade a summertime pool boy for the Stamkos Pants-Optional Shovel Service doing squats in your wintry yard.
Once again: Gary Roberts, will you adopt us?
Pssst, we were only kidding. Steven’s well qualified for summer work too.
Clearly what we need is a blizzard. Snowpocalypse: Episode II? We’ll provide sugar free, no-calorie hot chocolate for everyone… who watches from inside.
And unemployed NHL players who bring their own shovels.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ewan McGregor.
Nope. Claude Giroux, how dare you cut your glorious, unruly mop of hair? And honestly, how small is your waist?!
But really.
It’s not exactly the right style, but I burst into a chorus of Weezer’s “Buddy Holly” when I first saw these pictures. This hair is made for 50’s buttoned-up Brylcreem perfection.
It doesn’t really mess well, and if you wear a helmet all the time… well, we’ll see. Euro styling is having the opposite effect on Seguin and I think we prefer it.
Still, ginger is ginger.
with Hunter Hayes
But more ginger is better.
And G’s is the best.
Sigh. My world is practically ginger-free without hockey and that is a sad, monochromatic thing. I think I’ll watch Brave for inspiration.
(Thanks to everyone who sent us these. This lockout has not slowed your internet sleuthing.)
I’m not sure if I’m talking about Sid or what Sid is saying, because frankly both are doing me in right now.
For all the times he’s said nothing in post-game and interviews, when even I called him a robot… sorry, Crosby. I was only kidding. His diplomacy at this point is astounding, seconded only by the fact that he’s still here saying it. I’d be having a full on toddler-style Target candy aisle meltdown and Sid’s still talking about battling on and not giving up.
He is more my captain every day, and he’s not even playing.
We know Captain Tiny Pockets doesn’t like to touch people, but I’m going to stand outside the next round of meetings with this just in case. He sure looks like he could use it.
And because they’re all unemployed, discounts on other services too.
I was going to simply Tweet that “Ebs had his jersey retired by the Regina Pats on Wednesday” with a link to the only news story that had an photo [link].
Then I found proof that he can be adorable even when he sounds like the teacher from Charlie Brown (everyone does in this video):
Listen to this, if you can pay attention. Which I can’t.
Let’s not pretend I hear anything after this:
But you can try.
We support Jordan’s overwhelming fondness for gray sweaters. The only thing missing is that puppy. [Foxy Friday, Feb 2012]
Still with us? Ebs visiting some kids hockey teams should take care of that.
Congrats to Jordan and to everyone actually playing hockey at this moment in time. Now go back to this article and read again how Ebs scored 216 goals in 60 games. When he was nine.
A brief spark of lockout-ending hope arced across the sky this week. Just as appears to be plummeting back to Earth like a flaming piece of space debris…
Mike Green holds a baby. My faith in the world is restored.
He must know we’re out here on the raggedy edge. Short of showing up at my house with a tanker and flooding the backyard into a rink for an all-star charity game, this was pretty much the nicest thing Mike could have done.
The adorable little girl is thinking the same thing we are.
Happy holidays, everyone. Someone out there still cares.
(Thanks as always to the crack squad of detectives who sent this to us! Amanda & Deb win again, within minutes of each other, in the middle of the night.)
You all know Crosby and Toews are two of the NHL players meeting with a group of owners today, sans Bettman and Fehr. It could mean nothing or everything, but I really appreciate seeing these two still fighting. They’ve given up their seasons too. If they’d already gone to Europe I don’t know what hope we’d have of saving anything now.
Also, it’s a shame no teams have female owners. Send in these two and this shit would be over by lunch.
Go get ’em, boys.
(Seriously this is my goal in life. Just once.)
I thought the apocalypse was truly nigh when Tumblr failed to produce a single photo from last night’s Front Page Arlington Sandy charity drinking fest. Alas, Russian Machine Never Breaks saves the day!
The event featured a bar crawl poker tournament (cool idea, read about it here) and Mike Green. What more does a girl need?
THIS HAIR.
Photo by Kevin MacDonald via Russian Machine Never Breaks
I don’t know what to say. It’s somewhere between “I think I love it” and “I had this haircut once, in a tragically ill-advised attempt at a pixie cut.” Either way I could never get away with that shirt he’s wearing.
There are a few more pictures over at RMNB, who also report that Mike picked up the entire bar tab. He kinda had to after offering:
Bravo to him, good work by everyone and let’s get this damned lockout ended tomorrow because Mike needs to make some of his money back.