Holy moly.

There’s only one explanation for this.  James Neal reads this blog.

I’m not kidding when I say I’m still mad.  James Neal and I need to have a long talk about whether or not he can by my (second) favorite Penguin again after the events of last week, but I suddenly find myself unable to do anything but:

1) Scream

2) Tweet

3) Dive toward the TV.

This is low, James.  Didn’t our whole problem start because you went after a defenseless person?!  How am I supposed to protect myself against this!?

I can’t look at you right now.  I mean, I melted that thirty second stretch of the DVR by slow-mo and pausing it so many times that I can’t watch it again.

Maybe tomorrow we can have a civilized conversation.

PS: Bring Geno.  I miss him already.

Does anyone look at this:

And see this?

Right?

If Mike still had long hair, this would be too much.

What IS the meaning on Stonehenge?

I shamelessly cut Brooks out of this picture to show you what I mean.

So maybe the dark-haired guy looks a little more like Mojo, but you can’t just break up the band.

Even this hat makes the rounds.

It’s safe to say that in addition to my hopes for the Caps this season, my Halloween expectations are now off the charts, boys.

Congratulations to Nicky on the birth of his first daughter Haley on Tuesday.  I can’t cope with the cute!  Here’s an adorable WashingtonPost.com story.

Stammer –  I’ve got 17 goals in 23 games.  How you guys doing back there?

Nealer – I’ve got 14.  And I’m hot.

John – I’ve got 14 too!

Nealer – And Geno’s back.  I hate being all aloney on my owney.

John – You have a whole team, Nealer.

Carts – Hi guys.

Real picture. I swear.

Nealer – Without Geno, it’s just a hollow, empty shell.

John – You’re calling Crosby a hollow, empty shell?

Excuse me?

Neal – He doesn’t communicate like Geno.

Stammer – You mean he speaks English.

Nealer – Don’t be jealous.

Nealer – So grouchy.  What, get a sunburn at Disney World on your off day?

Stammer – My team’s lost a lot of games lately.

Nealer – Don’t worry, there’s no one in the stands to watch.

John pats Stammer’s arm in sympathy.

Carts – Hello?

Neal – La la la, my boyfriend’s back…

John – Did I mention I’m tied for third in goals?

Neal (loudly) – We heard you!

Stammer – You’ll be fourth when you wake up tomorrow.

John (grumbles) – I’ll still be on Long Island when I wake up tomorrow.

Carts –  HELLO?

Stammer – What the hell are you doing here?

Carts – Being second in goals.

Everyone – What?  From where?!

Carts waves paper.

Stammer – You have 15 goals?

Carts, glares at Steven – I hear blonds have more fun.

Nealer – Ummmmmmmm….

John – Uh, what’s California like?

Carts – All silver and shiny, like you could just drink out of it.

Stammer – We have shiny days…

… sometimes.

Neal – Where’s your boyfriend?

Carts – Please.  I was bromancing when you were living with Brad Richards.

Nealer – We had a bromance!

Carts (scoffs) – There’s only one Richards in this League, and he’s mine.

Stammer – Whatever.  Second place is the first loser.

Carts – Does your name start with a J?  No?  Then shut up.

John – Yeah. Sticks out tongue.

Nealer – Well Pants has a James Neal shirt.

Stammer – She has a Stamkos shirt too.

John – Why do your pants wear shirts?

Stammer – Go eat your ice cream, John.

John – Hmph. Fine.

Carts – Shirts are for losers.

Stammer – Just wait.  We’ll see who takes it home in the end.

Carts – You should know by now… I always take it home.

Why would I be at  football game? Free tickets. Other than that? THIS!

But first, I did not know it was mascot night until there he was, in all his fin-tabulous glory, floundering away on the jumbotron.

Of course, I hotfooted it down to where he was, as any good hockey fan at a football game would.

And just as Mr. Cherrie was about to take the photo, a football shot through the frame …

Fin was there for half-time hijinks! If I wanted to spend the night in jail, I would have run down on the field, tackled him and dry-humped him silly! I can only say the lack of hockey made me go completely insane for anything hockey related. 

Luckily, there was security and I was only allowed to get to this close to him.

Who would have thought I would have had a hockey experience at a Seahawks game! Ya just never know!

And THAT is your moment of zen …

It’s not that serious, but I’ve got a recurring problem: every time I hear the Rascal Flatts song “Banjo,” I get really excited and start rocking out in my car.  It’s a good 30 seconds before my brain remembers, “ACK!  I don’t like Rascal Flatts!  That guy’s voice drills my brain!”

This is the same experience I have when Danny Briere scores (minus the dancing).  I don’t like the Flyers!  His voice gives me the creeps!  Yet I still get really, really happy for him.

AAGHHHWHAT?! I know. Just listen: he scored 16 goals this season.  As in all year.  He has 8 goals in the playoffs – as in the last three weeks!  Five were vs. Pittsburgh and each was a nail in my coffin.  Now I have more perspective.  It’s like walking into the gym after a late night, looking at the treadmill and thinking, “This is going to hurt.”  I’ve accepted that it’s going to happen, and happen often, so I might as well get something out of it.

I’ve been saving this till you were all buttered up over Claude.  Briere’s kids are adorable and everyone’s hair is too long!  It’s like a Disney movie waiting to happen – somebody sweep in and make these guys a meal with vegetables!  (Giroux moved out, but he’d probably come over for free dinner.  You might have to feed Couturier too [link].)

I’m not saying Danny Briere will be drafted by my fantasy hockey team composed entirely of hot dads.  Chuck hates his beard and that whispery voice.  But he’s kinda Lord of the Rings-ish, no?  Legolas by way of the Shire?  He looks like he’d be good with a bow and arrow.

Speaking of Flyers I don’t like but can’t help enjoying – I mean Hartnell in just this one case.  And when he falls down.  Maybe I should make a list!

SBNation.com credit

For Linsday, here’s Giroux in another episode of Things That Are Also Orange:

The sun could be considered orange, and these legs need to see some of it.

I still want New Jersey to win, and for Foxy Friday Parise to keep a) losing his helmet and b) scoring goals like last night.  I’m not completely insane, just turning into a softie.  My only excuse is that I’m traumatized by the playoffs and need a trip to the quiet room.  Bright colors and a good old-fashioned Cinderella story are clearly distracting me.  I’m even giving myself the “Hall of Shame” tag for this lapse in good judgement.

I’m talking about the Philadelphia Flyers and goaltending.

For years now, the Flyers organization have had issues  finding just the right goalie to lead them to the Stanley Cup.  They came close in 2010 behind the tandem of Brian “Bobby” Boucher and Michael Leighton, but it just wasn’t enough. The team has lacked that netminder who brings consistency to the starting goaltender position and who hold on to the starting position for an extended period of time.

If the Bruins Stanley Cup run has shown us anything, it is that in order to win the Cup, you need to have goaltending. Tim Thomas was otherworldly last season and it is his stellar play along with the play of the entire team that brought them the ultimate hockey prize.

Any hockey fan can recognize that the Flyers are talented.  Claude Gingeroux might be one of the best young players in the NHL.  They have a solid core of young talent mixed in with veterans like Scott Hartnell, Danny Briere, and future NHL Hall of Famer Jaromir Jagr.  Coach Peter Laviolette has won a Cup before with the Hurricanes, so he’s proven that he can take a team all the way.  

I truly believe that the Flyers thought that bringing in Ilya Bryzgalov would solve their twine troubles.   He won the Cup in 2007 with the Ducks.  He is a 3-time Olympian, has won numerous international medals, was the runner-up for the Vezina Trophy and a top 5 finalist for the Hart Trophy in 2010.  He is, by all accounts, a top-flight NHL Goalie.

Flyers spend a pretty penny on signing Bryz in the off-season, to a nine-year,$51 million dollar contract.  The team believed in Bryz so much that they even went as far as to pull off two high-profile trades before the signing was announced in order to make room for him under the salary cap – Jeff Carter to Columbus and captain Mike Richards to Los Angeles.  Granted Flyers did receive some great young talent like Jakub Voraceck, Wayne Simmonds, and Brayden Schenn, and a grip of draft picks in return, but was it really all worth it?  Have the Flyers really gotten what they’ve so desperately desired?

Some might say yes, while others will lament that the Flyers made a terrible mistake. At yesterday’s Winter Classic, a marquee NHL event, you expect to see your #1 goalie on the ice.   Bryz rode the bench.   The Flyers’ other netminder, Sergei “Bob” Bobrovsky got the start. Probably not a terrible idea to go with Bob over Byrz since he’s been winless in his last four starts, going 0-3 and giving up 16 goals on 87 shots and Bobrovsky is 3-0 in his last three starts, giving up 6 goals on 88 shots.  

But it really didn’t matter who started.  Flyers lost anyway.

While the season is still a long way from over, it seems that despite the organization’s best efforts, the Flyers’ goaltending conundrum continues. 

Now, by no means, do I actually want the Flyers to win.    As a Bruins fan, it is not in my DNA to allow that.  But I am a hockey fan and I appreciate the struggle and desires of players and fans, and the hope an entire city places in 20 men on their quest to obtain the pinnacle of hockey supremacy.

Damn you to the 7th level of hell with your evil ways and your trickery. Damn you for making me fall in love with NHL players that I should hate.

Take Brian Boyle, for example.

I should hate Brian Boyle.  And by hate, I mean HAAAAAAATE.  Like fire of a thousands suns HATE.

The man is a Ranger AND he played for Boston College (BC Sucks!).  My hatred for this man should be absolute.

Believe me.  I’ve tried to hate him.  I swear.  But I’ve failed.

As much as it pains me to admit it, I have to face the facts.

Brian Boyle is *gulp* Foxy.

He’s 6’7″, 244 lbs and was the 26th overall draft pick in the 2003 NHL Draft. He is a local guy who grew up cheering for the Boston Bruins.  He is the middle of 13 kids (God Bless his dear mother). He has AH-MAH-ZING hair.  His hands make me swoon.  Eddie Cahill (aka Jim Craig) is his doppelgänger.

NOT Brian Boyle.

So he doesn’t put up numbers like some other Ranger forwards. No big deal.  What he lacks in stats, he more than makes up for it with wit and humor.

And THAT, my friends, is just one of the reasons that Brian Boyle is this week’s Foxy Friday honoree.

He’s goofy and funny and undoubtedly one of the most liked guys in the Rangers locker room.  He’s a gem on 24/7 (waking up from nap, Proust helping him get dressed) and comes across as genuine and easy-going.

He can be on my beer pong team any day.

Being around him must be joyful and fun and we can only imagine that playing with him is even more enjoyable.  I really don’t think there would ever be a dull moment with Brian Boyle around.

Brian, you had me at “SANTA! I KNOW HIM.”

Love. 

Last week, I thought Pants was off her rocker for choosing Ryan Callahan as the Foxy Friday.

But now, here I am.

Just as guilty and brainwashed as she is.

Word.

Normally, things like this don’t confuse us.  We consider ourselves pretty sharp ladies with excellent hockey acumen (uh, we DID go to BU after all), especially when it comes to the inner workings of the NHL…but frankly this one is going to take a bit to wrap our heads around.

Okay…emergency WUYS staff meeting!  While Intern Jeff Skinner sets up the whiteboard and organizes all our colorful markers, allow us to break it down for you like “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo”.

• Goodbye, two conference, six division setup.  Hello, four-conference set up based on geography.  Two conferences will have 8 teams, the other two will have 7.  But can someone explain to us how Florida and Tampa Bay ended up in a conference with Boston, Buffalo, and Ottawa?  Did the NHL even bother to look at a map?
• Green light still needed from the Players.  NHLPA will get the chance to weigh in on the proposal, but the new structure should go into effect starting next season.  But we don’t see this not passing.  Highly doubt the league would have approved it if they did not feel that they would get support from the players.
• Air travel makes the Sedin Twins Grumpy.  The new four-conference set up was drawn up because several of the Western Conference teams were unhappy with all the travel between one, two, sometimes even three time zones.  Also some of those teams says that the late start of road games in PST (10pm on East Coast) were affecting fan interest.  Uh, we’re kinda guilty here.  Hey, we love to watch the Sharks but we have things to do.  Like sleep.  How else do you think we maintain our beauty and youthful appearances?
• NHL focuses their chi. Finds balance.  New alignment will allow the NHL to create a schedule where all teams (yes, ALL TEAMS) will play each other at least twice every season (one at home, one on the road).  This, we like. A lot.  It means that the fans will get to see every team and every superstar in the league, at least once.  We want to kiss the man who came up with this brilliant idea.
• Our new Powerball numbers: 7-6-3-3-8-5-6-3-6-4-5.  In the seven-team conference, teams would play 6 times (3 @ home, 3 away).  In eight-team conference, teams would play either 5 or 6 times in a season, on a rotating basis (3 teams play each other 6 times, 4 teams play each other 5 times).  Uh, we don’t like this.  Too much math. Our brains hurt.
• Stanley Cup Playoffs will become Steel Cage Death Match.  Only the top 4 teams in each conference would qualify for SCP.  1st vs. 4th, 2nd vs 3rd.  Four conference champs would meet in 3rd round of playoffs, with winners playing for the ultimate hardware.  So no more #8 seed upsetting the #1 seed.  *sadface* But those games were SO MUCH FUN!

Conferences are yet unnamed, but we really hope the NHL doesn’t go with something lame like North, Atlantic, Midwest, and West.  Actually, we’ve been brainstorming some awesome ones ourselves.

Quick, Jeffy – toss me that purple marker!

This is what we’ve come up with so far…

• Adams Conference
• Patrick Conference
• Norris Conference
• Smythe Conference
• Campbell Conference
• Wales Conference
• Tim Thomas Conference
• Panda Conference

What about you?  What would you name these four new conferences?

Right now, this radical realignment of our beloved NHL has yet to fully sink in.  Give us some caffeine and a hot minute.

Check in with us next season to see how we truly feel about the whole thing.

You know we’re going to have something hilariously clever to say.

I’m breaking out the big guns (and I don’t mean my new arms… this time):

See that bobblehead?  The one with the Calder Trophy we’re giving away on 11/14?  Match that to your Logan Couture teal nail polish, Pants!  But it turns out Chuck will be in DC that weekend.  WHAT.  How about wall clings on 12/1 – perfect for the office!  The car!  But the freaking Penguins are in DC that night.  First Chuck, then Neal.  I might have to call that James Neal up right now and give him a piece of my mind.  I have his number, did you know that Pants?  Oh, you’ve secured DCPD cell phone triangulation equipment?  Well FINE!

That’s right – I’m giving away a DATE.  How do you like that?  There are zero details on this promotion because I am mysterious and playing hard-to-get.  And in case Pants wins, because then we’re going to Canada and I’m drinking a beer.  I can do that now.

Once around the tree, the fox chased the rabbit...

You guys should enter the contest – it’s right here [link].  Pants already entered, I checked.  If you won, we could go apple picking or Christmas caroling and she’d be really jealous.  We could go to Eric’s for pre-game meal, then I’d give you a jersey and score you a goal and everything.  I hear girls love that stuff.  Then I’d be all shy and embarrassed when they ask about you post-game but I’ll just say that I could hear you cheering loudest of all.

Sigh.  That sounds pretty good, eh?  I hope you win.  Yes, you.  I’ll post lots of pictures of our date on WUYS and not even bring Pants a Mexicola that day.  Then she’ll have to come to Carolina.

]]> http://whatsupyasieve.com/2011/10/20/intern-desk-win-a-date/feed/ 10 http://whatsupyasieve.com/2011/10/11/happy-birthday-pants/ http://whatsupyasieve.com/2011/10/11/happy-birthday-pants/#comments Tue, 11 Oct 2011 14:23:49 +0000 http://whatsupyasieve.com/?p=7391 From your partner-in-crime.

Yea.  Berfdai.

Stammer, Tazer, Greener, Sid, and Nealmobile have choreographed something very special for you.

You’re welcome.

Patrick is *really* excited because him mom got him a new Huffy bike and the double chocolate peanut butter ice cream cake that all the cool kids had last year.  Duncan is psyched because he stole that kid’s cake and just ate the last piece he had in the shoebox under his bed.  Now he’s coming for this cake.

Sharp is mentally calculating the value of the presents vs. the cost of the party and creating a Profits & Loss sheet.  He’ll then determine the compounding interest forecast for investing in Patrick’s 11th birthday party.  Economic indicators are not good.

Jonathan is figuring out how to get each of Patrick’s sisters alone in the treehouse and which one is mostly likely to believe he’s a doctor.
He’d better hurry, because Brent is planning to set that treehouse on fire.

Yea. Berfdai.

So you know what that mean…

Cake.

Mexican Coca-Colas.

Office Dance Party.

More cake.

Glitter…so much glitter…

and this…

Can't believe they're making me wear this...

365 days and here we are!

We’ve had almost 200,000 hits, which we can honestly say we never expected.  We thought we’d be lucky if we got 200, not counting the 195 hits from our moms.)

We’ve had so much fun with all of you this past year, building our own little place in  blogosphere, but we wanted to make it more fun-er. (As if that was even possible…)

We get the awesome power of evolution, much like Lady Gaga,  Madonna before her, and that Charles Darwin guy.

Hope you don’t mind but we decided to make a few little changes – ones that will hopefully help WUYS grow like the Galactic Empire and take over the galaxy…except without all the death, persecution of fuzzy woodland creatures, and giant planet-shaped weapons of mass destruction.

So here we go…

Change #1 – Goodbye wordpress.com.  Hello, whatsupyasieve.com
Ya, that’s right.  We’ve done gone and made our little blog all legit.  Our new web address is www.whatsupyasieve.com.  Bookmark that scriz.  Tell your friends.

Change #2 – Diamonds are forever.  But email comes close.
You can now email us directly!
chuck [at] whatsupyasieve [dot] com
pants [at] whatsupyasieve [dot] com

We also gave DawnCherrie one (dawncherrie [at] whatsupyasieve [dot] com) but forget about getting a response…unless your email includes photos of Alex Ovechkin in a speedo on the Black Sea.

Email us.  Show us the love.  Or the hate.  Links to videos of NHLers working out are always welcome.

Also welcome – photos of Mike Green’s hair, Tyler Seguin’s abs, and Patrick Sharp’s face.

So Happy Birthday to Us!  We’re totes not getting any work done today.  We’re gonna be too busy doing this…

Care to join us?

At my wedding, Boston Bruins fan extraordinaire Tom and his genius girlfriend Michelle gave our party the one thing it was missing.  This tin foil beauty sits in my office and whenever I do something great, I lift it over my head.

Somewhere in the box marked “Bad Hair/Flannel Shirt Years” is a photo of me at age 14 with the real Stanley Cup.  If I ever find it, I might even show it to you.

Also, can I get an NHL table cloth please?

If you enter the secret combination that generates Ke$ha as your name, you get to go to Candy Mountain.

Sid: That’s Pants’ bike.

Bergy: She has to sit by Sid.

TBG Drew: Why?

Bergy: Because he borrowed her capris.

Sid: After she stole Patty’s shoes.

Bergy: Because Sid sings along, but Pants drowns him out.

Sid: You sing too.

Bergy: Only when we go downhill to Lady Gaga.

We’re gonna miss ya, buddy.

*poursoneoutforherhomey*

Battle of the Foxy Fridays...and their facial hair.

I think I’ve officially lost it.

I’d even take one for the team too:

And then there’s Ovi staring deeply into, into well, not my eyes unfortunately …

I need there to be a whole channel of just this.