So, while I wait for my fat pants to finish in the dryer, here is a list of five hockey-related things we are thankful for, because they just keep giving.

Toews is fun now. Take a moment to remember the Jonathan Toews you met years ago.

I still call my mom for recipes too.

And Jonathan Toews of today.

Cowabunga, dude.

Was it all that exposure to Blackhawks TV that changed him? Time spent with Kaner?Or is it just winning that opened his three-times-too-serious sized heart? It might have been his little dog, too.

The Sidstache. Be honest, you kind of like it! Maybe I am speaking for myself, but it’s not that bad this Movember. It’s still a mustache, and I cannot imagine a world in which I’d support mustaches for no charitable reason, but at least it looks mostly like a real mustache. And hey, it gets a whole month to grow. I am just preparing myself for what Sid will look like a month into the playoffs this season. When the choices are mustache or golf shoes, this mustache is looking pretty sweet.

At least you can tell it’s supposed to be a mustache.

Cabbie Presents… exactly what You were thinking. Cabbie is our spirit animal in the mainstream (okay, Canadian) media world. He takes what we are thinking, saying and even secretly wishing for, and makes it for everyone.  The Sid Selfie? Tavares Man Bun? Endless gems – and exactly the videos we’d make if it were safe for us to be within selfie range.

Please let this escalate into choreographed dancing.

Inside jokes. There are so many hockey references that make me laugh, a few have to do with in-game moments. From Intern Jeff Skinner to thinking “Girls love” every time Malkin is a dork, a lot of our random chatter keeps the game close to our hearts. Maybe Toews is doing a squat in Spanx right now (he would, on Thanksgiving, that overachiever). If Tavares is celebrating American Thanksgiving, I guarantee his fat pants are khakis! And no matter how much you eat, rest assured that Steven Stamkos is definitely thinking, “Hey girl.”

At his induction to the Intern Hall of Fame

YOU. We are thankful for everyone who reads WUYS, and especially the many of you who interact with us and each other both here and on social media. You guys are the funny, smart backbone of this place! You send us the best ideas and carry on inside jokes we would otherwise only have with ourselves. Thanks to all of you this blog is still skating along five (5!) years later.

Okay, a hug from us isn’t this good.

Your turn! Leave your hockey-related gratitude in the comments below. It’ll give us ideas for future posts, and maybe open our eyes to a few things we’ve missed in the first quarter of this season.

Happy Thanksgiving, Americans! And to all our Canadian friends, there is plenty for you too.

Me, circa 7PM tonight.

Video: Cooking with the Canes

I do what with my hand?

We didn’t bid to win a cooking class with Foxy Friday alum Elias Lindholm and Intern Jeff Skinner, but let’s be clear: making us lunch every day is now one of Intern Jeff’s job duties.  And we’re not talking mac & cheese (or KD as you Canadians call it). We want something with components and condiments and at least one vegetable.

The instructions are simple:

Yes, chef.

Foxy Fridays are sous chefs only. Jeff didn’t win Top Intern: Masters to watch some hack steal his rightful place. Watch over the competition with hawk eyes.

Working up to his Gordon Ramsay voice.

Say “eh?” as often as possible and don’t you dare burn our dessert.

BAM!

Be appropriately self-depreciating so no one expects you to cook every day. But we still do.

Maybe one of those “America’s Worst Cooks” shows next time.

Somehow, Intern Jeff Skinner is still only 22. That should give us pause since he’s been working here for a decade, but eh -it’s not like we pay him, right? Maybe we keep him around to convince ourselves we never age either, like the witch in Tangled. He’s our Mandy Moore.

We check our reflections in the Calder Trophy.

We haven’t heard from Intern Jeff in a while, and not because he’s been unpacking boxes at my new house. The Canes are having a… rough season, to say the least. With just 16 wins, they are last in the Metro, second-to-last in the East and 27th overall. Intern Jeff has 10G + 9A. That puts him a few points shy of his 2011-12 pace; a serious sophomore slump after his fantastic rookie year because everyone figured out how good he was.

I won’t post graphics of standings or stats – no one wants to see that.  Instead, here’s a a happy photo, and hoping the Canes can get a little something going in the second half.

November 2014. I hope he slid down the pole after.

#AllGrownsUp

Besides the obvious (#Sweden), I honestly had no idea who Elias Lindholm was.

But I do now.

Bless you, Ellie, for enlightening me.

Everyone meet Elias Viktor Zebulon Lindholm.

You can ring my bell.

Yes, that it is actually his name, and yes, it is all kinds of awesome.  Sort of makes him sound like a member of the Swedish Royal Family or something.  Name me one girl on this planet that wouldn’t want a prince like this of her very own.

Elias is foxy because he understands the value of learning from the Master.

A Jedi and his young Padawan

Elias is also foxy because he kinda has a young Mike Modano thing happening.  Or maybe it is a Mitchell Goosen thing.

Either way, we dig….hardcore.

“You hockey warrior! Hockey Nintendo!”

Elias is foxy because of this hair.  It’s fantastic.  But would you really expect anything less from a man from the land of perfect hockey players.

He woke up like this.

Seriously.  The flow – spectacular spectaular. WUYS Approved!

You lace the track. I’ll rock the flow.

Now, are we SURE he is only 19?   Because this is not the face, nor the beard of a 19-year-old.

#BeardWatch2015

But probably Elias’ best and most endearing attribute – his bromance with Intern Jeff Skinner.

Hey, bro. Let me copy your answers.

Rutti Tutti, Fresh and Fruity

Grumpy Cat & Travel Gnome

We love Intern Jeff Skinner.  If Intern Jeff Skinner thinks that Elias is good people, well then, that is good enough for us.

—-

Note: There is a distinct possibility that I will be meeting some of the Carolina players after their game with Boston on Saturday, so I’ll let you know if he’s cuter in person.   Stay tuned to WUYS twitter feed for updates!

This is Taylor Lautner and you’re listening to….

We could dial that back down a few notches to “attractive,” because Intern Jeff Skinner will always have the face of a 12-year old and be our equivalent of a little brother.  But it’s safe to say that he has well and truly ditched the title “The Justin Bieber of Hockey” – because Justin Beiber is still in a child’s body while Jeff is all dimples and built like Beyonce.

I woke up like dis.

I’m just saying: this guy still works for free.  Obviously we make him lift a lot of very heavy things.  Perhaps we should consider a clothing allowance since his outfits are so snug, but it’s not like we told him to do the ice bucket challenge in a white t-shirt.  The moment it was over, he – and everyone else – realized it was a bit too scandalous for the Disney Channel and ran off-screen.

Modest Mouse

Now Chuck thinks we need a new intern; suggestions are welcome.  The new guy can clean her office.  I will never give up Intern Jeff, who’s only 22, because he won the Calder even when I didn’t vote for him and we do a mean duo lip-sync of the entire Ed Sheeran song catalog in alpha-order.  So what if he looks better than I do?

Never heard of him.

I get paid to work here, after all.  No slacking off.

Who hashtags raisins?  #interns

Intern Jeff led the Canes with his career-high 33 goals last season.  The JStaal-less team kicks off their new year October 10 vs. the Islanders.  We’d like to see them do well – but not too well.  How does third in the Metropolitan Division behind the Pens and Capssound?  Or does that spot go to Tavares &  the Islanders now? This is the problem with having a favorite player on every team.

The Ice Bucket Challenge began in July in support of ALS research.  Read more about it here and hire Frates & Quinn for more marketing campaigns.  The movement has raised over $4 million, up nearly +$3 million over this period last year.  Everyone is doing it:  Justin Timberlake, Matt Lauer, even Chuck did it!  Now we joke around, but this is a great cause, funding important research.  If you’re able to donate, please visit www.alsa.org.

And if you’re going to start a trend, please let it involve most of the NHL in what amounts to a wet t-shirt contest.  (So you know – this took forever to compile.  I watched hours of videos.  It was grueling but I’m willing to work hard for you guys.)

Me: “No.  No way.  No way!”

Crosby Ice Bucket Challenge video. I first saw an Ice Bucket Challenge video on 8/7, when 87 accepted the dare on his birthday.  I wondered for a moment it was real, or if I’d woken up in a fanfic – A Connecticut Yankee in Sidney Crosby’s Driveway, maybe.

Now who needs a cold shower?

Since then, everywhere you look an NHL player is taking the plunge.  So here you have them, the very Best of the Ice Bucket Challenge videos.

The “This Looks Familiar”

Matt Duchene Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Does Sid’s video have two blue buckets, a shovel and a black SUV in the background?  Eagle-eyed Alison noticed this is the same spot.  Just two dudes, pouring water on themselves and videotaping it for the internet.

Matt could have at least brushed his hair for Sid’s party.

Matt woke up 4 minutes ago.

Bonus points to Matt for nominating country singer Thomas Rhett, one of my favorites (who was also nominated by Justin Moore – the singer, not my husband).

The Intern Project

We said Tavares should wear a tighter shirt – so we know Intern Jeff Skinner still reads this blog.  This t-shirt is left over from Jeff’s high school days, since we haven’t paid him for a day of work since then.  And white?!  What a flirt.  Remember when he didn’t want girls paying attention?

Team Tank Top

Lindsay informs me that ‘dude tank tops’ are very much the style in Canada.  I assume everyone there looks like an NHL player and so this has my full support.

Steven Stamkos Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Careful using your dog to up the ante here, Stammer.  You’re no slouch but he’s pretty freaking cute.

Let me tuck my chain into my tank top first.

Taylor Hall Ice Bucket Challenge video.  #TeamHallsy starts his video off so seriously, you’d think he spent the summer doing Shakespeare in the Park.  It’s deceptively tall-seeming thespian work.

The world is mine oyster,
Which I, with stick, shall open.

Jordan Eberle Ice Bucket Challenge video. Uncceptable resolution for #TeamEbs.  He’s got to keep up with Taylor!  Zach Boychuck, get a new phone right this instant.  Adorable hair-fixing though, since Jordan knows we are watching.

Especially after this is Zack Boychuck’s video.  How is that fair?  His biceps are theatrically lit by the sun itself, giver of all life!

Also sporting the Official Boy Band Uniform is, of course, #TeamSchultzy.  Did they have a conference call about what to wear?  Or does matchy-matchiness come as naturally to them?

The “Dallas Stars Really Want to Be Your Favorite Team” 

Tyler Seguin never met a shirt he couldn’t take off.  Or something he couldn’t hit on.  I swear he just invited a charitable cause and a bucket of water back to his place, and don’t stop rolling that tape.

Jamie Benn’s Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Jamie would like to take this opportunity to remind you his hair is DEVASTATING and that he’s skinny now.  (Too skinny?  A little?)  Never mind that tattoo of a graveyard on his bicep – they needed a place to bury me anyway.

Benn-d and Snap

In case you don’t love Jamie, he Tweeted the “Girl in a Country Song” video.  This is everything that’s right with the world.

Also from the Stars, Rich Peverly apparently runs a daycare in the summer – and stuns them momentarily quiet with this challenge.  They are pretty sure their moms have said not to throw stuff.

The Other Birthday Boy

It’s a shame I’ll never see #TeamSam again, because I cannot add any more teams to my list nor can I stay up late enough to watch the Coyotes.  Sam Gagner did the Ice Bucket Challenge on his birthday, complete with a cake, a beard AND a white shirt. Presents for everyone.

The NSFMyLife

John Tavares Ice Bucket Challenge video.  There’s b-roll of John then his shirt off and jumping in the pool right?  That’ll be the deleted scene on the DVD?

Is this going to be on the test?

What I really can’t handle is his deep, teacher-y voice.  If he started talking about the Large Hadron Collider, I’d faint.

That Time Gabe Wore a Shirt

Gabriel Landeskog’s Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Perhaps the quaint, old-world and presumably Swedish setting calls for a top, but frankly we’re a bit disappointed in Gabe’s efforts to carry the shirtless-boat-selfie banner this summer. He gets named captain and suddenly it’s all business and no instructional pancake videos.

The US judges give this a 6.

He’s 21,  You Guys – I Swear

And that was not me at the end with the extra bucket of water.  Promise.

Guys Chuck Likes

The Bruins should hire Chuck to shoot their videos, because their Ice Bucket Challenges are astonishingly low-res.  Remember why you don’t watch hockey in standard def anymore?  Even dearest Patrice couldn’t get good production values:

Lucic is in focus – if that’s a good thing.  He looks like the unpopular kid at Camp Anawanna.  Stand up straight, man!

Kim Bauer Did It

Oh yeah, and her husband too.  The Phaneufs Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Alison loves these guys.  I just feel bad that 24 made Elisha get scared by a mountain lion and abducted by a loner in a bunker in the woods around LA.  Jack Bauer would disown that mess.

I think we’d all be friend with Elisha in real life.

The “Of Course Patrick Kane Has a Water Slide”

He probably has a slide from every single window of the house into that pool.  (This was a life plan action item for me and Gator.  Awaiting our invitations, Kaner.)  Toews is so much fun these days, where’s his bucket?

Coach Q is My Favorite Coach

Many coaches, front office staff and even mascots have gotten in on the Challenge, but Coach Q’s laugh is the best.

My Goalie is a Banana

What can I say?  I trust this man with my GAA.  They even gave the baby a bucket, in case she wanted to party.  Marc Andre Fleury Ice Bucket Challenge video

Just wait till you start dating, Baby Flower.  Dad is ready.

Which is Better than Mr. Potato Head

Oh Jordan, we miss you around the Penguins.

The Hot Dads

“Hey, if I’m doing this, we’re all doing it.  Then we’re going for ice cream.”

Chris Kunitz Ice Bucket Challenge video.  From the man who dressed as a sock monkey, of course.  Mrs. Kunitz challenged Paul Martin – thanks, girl.  (Paul Martin Ice Bucket Challenge video)

Little Miss Kunitz says she’ll just donate cash.

Pascal Dupuis Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Dear Universe, Please make the Dupuis Family into a TV show.  They’ve already created the poster:

No idea Duper had a half-sleeve, or that I’d like it so much.

Craig Adams Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Craig used a garbage can for his ice bucket and the family wore matching gubernatorial campaign shirts.  Just saying, that’s a Harvard man.  (The shirts are in honor of Anne’s father, former MA Governor Paul Cellucci, who died of ALS in 2013.  Thanks to Chuck and Anne for update.)

Vote early, vote often.

The Overachievers

Keith Yandle (who actually has a face under that beard) went pretty big – three buckets vs. white t-shirt.  His best move was calling out BizNasty, of course.  Talk about bigger.

You know Biz loves it when we say “bigger.”  He challenged some big names too, though we bet no one does it in their skivvies.  Read about Biz getting his friends to donate their time and money to put this together here.  And notice that TMZ covered a hockey player.

The Suits

Max Talbot Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Max is responsible now.  He has a wife and a baby and if he wants to pour ice water over his head in a suit and tie he will, damn it!  He’s like Frank the Tank, you can’t reign him in.

Business in the front, party in the shoes.

Robert Bortuzzo Ice Bucket Challenge video.  Borts, what is that tie?!  Is the inflatable duck to distract from the tie?  It’s not working.  Also the shades on the duck + the white button down – this is going Risky Business later, isn’t it?  We’re going to need the extended edition Blu-ray combo pack.

This yard wants to party, Project X-style.

Almost everyone’s done the Ice Bucket Challenge.  I couldn’t include or even get close to watching them all.  Notable exceptions are Gingeroux, newly married Mike Green (yeah right, on that hair?) and James Neal.  I worry this means Nealmobile really had no friends, because no one has challenged him.  Though he is on this pretty definitive list of players who’ve supposedly participated (here).  Did I miss his video somewhere?

While we wait, check out the Tumblr dedicated to the Ice Bucket Challenge.

There’s a game I like to play with Lindsay and Alison. I call it:

Inner/Outer monologue or Tomorrow’s Blog Post?

In today’s episode: my reaction to watching this video.

FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE, WEAR A TIGHTER SHIRT, JOHN!  And in Islanders colors, of course.  He’s like an Ice Girl.  I had to pause and rewind so many times it wouldn’t let me stop the video again.  

Then I got to Intern Jeff and had a fit of hysterical, boy band-induced laughter. The video promises someone named Matt Bollard, who Alison pointed out looks a lot like David Clarkson.

I may be certifiably insane.  I checked my work email on the way out the door and saw the biggest, hugest, horriblest project that came through for my coworkers to do while I’m gone.  Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.  Then give me John Tavares in sweat-wicking Lycra and Crosby with a tan.  

Nate keeps going faster so he can almost brush Sid’s arm.  WE ARE ON TO YOU, KID. WE INVENTED THAT MOVE.

Sweet mercy, a child who is shorter than the caution tape barricade.  My ovaries just collapsed like a souffle.

Please explain something: how do these people keep their hands to themselves?  Is caution tape all it takes to keep Canadians in line?  They’d have to put me in a cage and I’d still get out, with limited power of speech and no pants on, like Planet of the Apes.

John has barely been seen all summer, the suddenly THIS. He went away a few months and came back remodeled like Extreme John Makeover. And riding in the back with the bags, natch. Could it be that Crosby is getting edged out of his Matt Duchene bromance by John? Could Matt be any more like, well, me?

Clearly our work as John’s publicists/wardrobe consultant is getting results. If you’re going to wear jeans and long sleeves in summer, let it be this:

Can we win an award for this? Is that award a go at Phil Kessel’s closet?

Remember, started from the bottom belted khakis:

Now we here:

John looks so good that Matt isn’t sure how to stand next to him. We aren’t sure how to make it to October! And of course, we don’t want John to get too cool and stop saying “darn” or anything. Just stick with us and these jeans, kid.

Only kidding.  Congratulations Intern Jeff Skinner on his first career hat trick!

Look how excited everyone is!  Especially Jordan!

Especially us!

Not you, Malfoy!

And these people in the Intern Jeff Skinner Fan Club – Nashville Chapter!

(Psst: We told you so.)

Only kidding, TSwizz.  Sort of.

Forget that.  More exclamation points!!!!!  Jeff now leads the Canes with 9 goals – 6 of those in the last 4 games.  Hot streak, hot streak.

Last night’s third goal was an empty netter, but we’re not going to be picky since he doesn’t bother us about paying him to work here.  Speaking of which, that water cooler isn’t going to refill itself, Jeffrey.

First thing, okay?  No slacking off now that you’re big time.

After all, you could be like #TeamHallsy who had his 4th career hat trick last night.  Or more-than-hat trick.

Did someone bring an extra bra in her purse?  In Case of Hat Trick, Throw This.  Or did she take it off as the moment struck?  In today’s team meeting, the Oilers will undoubtedly scan the game’s raw footage for a shot of her wiggling it free under her #4 jersey.

While this picture is funny (and by funny I mean ALARMING and BACK UP, HONEY), the best part comes from our friends at @Section328:

Now, now.  I like TSwizzle and have been known to bust into a sing-along at the top of my lungs.  Her bangs and eyeliner are always superb.  Let those of us who recorded a karaoke version of Paula Abdul’s “It’s Just the Way That You Love Me” on family vacation in 1988 throw no stones.  We enjoy Taylor as long as she’s not assuming the most fun we ever had at 22 was breakfast at midnight.

But Intern Jeff Skinner, it’s time for a review of your time here at WUYS.  The whole reason for your internship is to lift heavy things get me a candy bar learn valuable life lessons.  Apparently we have failed you.

First, you gave her your own jersey.  Ho-hum-humblebrag, but be careful.  A hickey from Kenickie is not like a Hallmark card.  If she’s going to wear your number, you should probably make sure it’s the only one she’s wearing.

It’s not.

Bonus points for sparkly guitars.

Dear Pot, this is Kettle and I’ll call you whatever color I want.  The only person allowed to like this many teams is me.  

Nashville, makes sense.

Seriously, this looks like my t-shirt drawer.  And it makes no sense which is why I don’t get photographed by paparazzi.

Her Leafs jersey looks purple.  Next lesson: color safe bleach.

And this.

Well she is from Pennsylvania.

How many of these guys are still Penguins, Jeff?  ZERO.  You don’t see JStaal running to give Taylor his New Storm jersey.  Take notes.

Third, heartbreak does not qualify as a reason to take off work.  We aren’t going to make our own copies and screencap our own pictures of Mike Green’s hair.  The freezer is full of vodka, you cannot keep your misery-drowning pints of Chunky Monkey in there.

We will watch Bridget Jones with you, though.

Mostly don’t make us pretend to hate a Taylor Swift song because it’s about you.  You are not a new Maserati on a dead end street (Mike Green, however, has a Maserati).  When you’re 15, which is now, and somebody tells you to run like heck you need to believe them.  I can go on.  We know trouble when it walks in.

Remember this?

No one cared it was the worst Photoshop ever.  Girls mutinied against the interwebs like Sarah Connor trying to take down SkyNet.  Imagine what they’d do to iTunes, Jeff.

Back to reality.

We have no reason to believe Intern Jeff Skinner is doing anything more than standing next to Taylor Swift, or that he broke up with his actual girlfriend (who we’ve never heard of but she’s adorable and on Canadian TV).  This is more likely a bid to buddy up to Ed Sheeran.  All signs point to a happy intern with no vindictive/addictive pop songs dropping in the near future.  Plus Jeff’s hair isn’t really up to Taylor’s standards.  No offense.

Take our advice on this one, Jeff, since you’re clearly not listening to other things we warn against.

If you’re not following Jeff on Twitter then honestly I don’t know what you’re doing with your life.  He’s so pithy he clearly wants to us to let him blog.

And we made him serve it.  This is a job, people!

Jeff’s big day comes during the un-offseason.  He’s rather be in the playoffs, but how does Jeff feel about playing for Team Canada?  Proud.

How does he feel about turning 21?  Like an adult.

How does he feel when we tease him for having a girlfriend?

Haha, that’s about right.

Happy birthday, Intern Jeff Skinner!  Now back to work!

When we hire interns, we expect them to work.  When I drive all the way to Raleigh for the Bolts vs. Canes game on Saturday, 2/23, I expect Intern Jeff Skinner to play.

Jeff is out of the Canes lineup with an undisclosed “upper body injury.”  Don’t look at us like we made him lift too many heavy things.  He works for tips, okay?

But seriously, this big hit sent Skins headfirst into the boards last week vs. Toronto.  He finished the game and practiced the next day, but did not practice Sunday. [link]  Last season he missed 16 games with a concussion, so everybody hope this is a minor thing and not a time machine.

Just look at him!

The frown when he drops it… I’ve been laughing for a week.

Jeff has 7 goals on the season, which (he keeps reminding me) currently ties him with Crosby and Toews.  Well let’s have Bring A Guy Who Also Has 7 Goals to Work Day, shall we?

Read the article here.

If Jeff can’t play Saturday, he can at least come tailgating with @Section328 (but not drink) and sing us an Ed Sheeran song.  This ‘upper body’ injury is not to his hands.  Then he couldn’t play cornhole either and I’ve seen the Canes commercials: cornhole is the best part of tailgating.  (Except that it’s called ‘cornhole’ which makes me really uncomfortable and now I’ve said it fifty times.)

Even without Intern Jeff Skinner I still get t0 see JStaaaaaaaaal for the first time in aaaaaaaaaages.

But I was really hoping to witness one of these as well:

Yes, the game is vs. Tampa Bay so of course Stamkos will also be there. There are few days in my life when having Steven in the building is not an ideal situation.  Carolina currently leads the Southeast Division with 17 points, while Tampa Bay has 15.  Saturday will be a big game for both teams – BOTH TEAMS I LIKE.  Why do I let this keep happening?  I might wear my Bolts shirt for the car ride, but I’m rooting for the Canes this time.  My life is so hard.

Now I’ve figured out where Intern Jeff Skinner’s been all this time…

Back in June at the MuchMusic Video Awards… stop.  Hockey players at pop awards shows and people actually know who they are?  BLESS YOU, CANADA.  NHL players can barely get on the ESPN Espy’s red carpet here, and only because someone assumes they are Jessica Alba’s bodyguards.  Anyway, I digress.  At that magical show, this happened.

That’s Intern Jeff Skinner’s mark, as far away from a girl as possible.  We did convince him to rock the white v-neck because all the cool kids were doing it.

Just when we thought it was business as usual, a photo of Jeff and Degrassi actress Cristine Prosperi!  He’s still doing the hoverhand but at least he’s next to her.  God, the awkward prom glory of it all.

Then right afterward… dammit, Tyler.  We obviously assumed the obvious obviousness of this, which ended in Jeff getting a ride home with Subban and Seguin, well, being Seguin.  WUYS hopes and dreams shattered.

Until now.  This photo, posted actress Jessica Tyler (on the right) from the Degrassi wrap party last night, was captioned “Couples Retreat.”

You like how I wrote that as if I know what it means?  Some things are so Canadian they are beyond even me, like Degrassi.  Rumor has it the show aired in the States, but if it fell out of the sky and landed on me, I wouldn’t recognize it.

It landed on Intern Jeff Skinner instead, he seems pret-ty happy about it.

With nothing else to go on, we give this Cristine Prosperi girl our approval based solely on her excellent taste in polite and handsome young men.

It’ll be great when we have her over for an awkward meet-the-bosses party, and she and I leave dinner to do the “Beauty and a Beat” round on Just Dance 4.

This post is brought to you by all those years I spent reading Teen Beat.

Happy Birthday to my dear dear friend and hockey partner-in-crime, Pants!

Now I know that this whole stupid lock out thing has got you depressed.  Hopefully these amazing gifs will cheer you up…

The best I could do is a photo play-by-play of me, earlier today.  Enjoy.

Someone posts that a Camp Biosteel video is up:

The video opens with Steven Stamkos doing something so extraordinary that it can only be described as walking.

Then turning. While still walking. God, he’s amazing.

I had to pause the video for a second and just:

Guest appearance by Intern Jeff Skinner, showing off his two best skills: lifting heavy things and running away (from girls).  Make that three skills – skipping work!

Cut to Stamkos.  He doesn’t just walk, he jogs.  Someone hold me.

(Pale white guys with their socks pulled up?  Apparently yes.)

Oh, it’s not over. Look at him turn…

… and do this until I’m yelling,  “LEFT JUSTIFY!  Get out of the way!”

Some other people appear in this video, none of which are James Neal.  SCANDAL AND OUTRAGE.  Tyler Seguin doesn’t even have his puppy and Biznasty is never actually seen doing anything but talking.  Hmmm, real life?   There’s also actual hockey, shootout-style, which gives me a stomach pain of longing and fear.  I keep going back to the beginning.

Talented, witty, personable with a communications degree… sounds like some people around here.  (I left off the part about the criminal background check, which probably include a Google search and then ZIP, there go our chances.)

Yes it’s real (nhl.com) and yes, you’re qualified.  We are available for reference letter writing, in exchange for tickets.

Nothing to say for himself.

I signed a $34.35 million, 6-year contract.

Not that anybody cares, because Crosby is doing something that used to require oxen.  Need I remind you that I have collected (almost) all the Staals?!   Pants even posted about it… and not a single picture of me, of course. (No, Pants. The sloth does not count.)

What does a guy have to do to get promoted around here?

I tried to add a photo, but she changed all the passwords.  Luckily Mike Green’s birthday was my third guess.

Let’s talk about my contract.  It keeps me in Carolina through 2018-2019 [link].  By then I’ll be 26.  You can’t still be an intern at 26, right?  It doesn’t even matter, because I’m pulling in $5.725 mill/year and I don’t need the WUYS money.  Not that there is any.  They’ve spent it all flying to Canada to enter that Crosby contest, which is why they’re staying with my parents.

To show them I’m ready to be promoted, I’ve spent my summer vacation doing important, grown-up things.  Like wearing ties and taking meetings.

I’m coaching too, as I’m very responsible.  Even if the kids are taller than I am.

Since I’m a big deal now, I’ve decided this is my best side for photos.

It’s a total resume builder.

I’m also improving my references.  Not only do I have Jordan, but I’ve been collecting Foxy Friday pals.  Just wait until “Bring Your Friends to Work Day” when I really impress the girls.

Or when someone steals my phone at the office Christmas party.

In case of emergency, I also made a workout video.  Now that I’ve seen Crosby’s, I may have to revise the weight on my barbell and my choice of socks.  Still, the balance board is killer.  If that’s not awkward enough for you, keep watching.

So, what do you guys think?  I’m going to make the playoffs get the job, right?

It’s Intern Jeff Skinner’s birthday!!

Jeff turns 20 today, so he’ll be doing… exactly what he does every other day.  Drinking a gallon of milk, giving up his seat on the Metro and buying Girl Scout cookies.  Sorry Skinns, we can Party in the USA next year.

Definitely invited.

Oh heck, we’re inviting everyone.

You told EVERYBODY?!

It’s going to have a prom theme, for all the ones Jeff didn’t get to go too.

Not funny, guys!

We promise, no figure skating jokes and Eric is going to buy the beer.

This is sounding better.

So have a good summer, Jeff…

What’s that saying? Bend and snap?

And maybe at 20 you won’t be quite so – oh, forget it.  We love it when you’re horribly embarrassed with Nealer and Stamkos laughing in the background.

But please, don’t use your feet to kick someone.  With your skate blade.  Which Skinner also did during the game against the Blues:

Skinner has been suspended two games for that genius maneuver.  Principal Shanahan explains… link.

When I see a kid in Target wailing and flailing on the floor in the cereal aisle, I think that I’d do that if it were socially acceptable.  But I don’t.  This is such a intern-level temper tantrum.  Maybe he was upset because we give Mike Green the “bad boy” slot in our NHL boyband.  Either way, Jeff needs a time out.

Because Pants asked for it….

You likes?

I loves.

I took some creative liberties but I really hope that Intern Jeff Skinner love it too.

Come here often?

At least then she can’t keep telling me I should have closed my mouth in the NHL Tonight commercial where I’m pretending to ride the bike.  (She’s watched that far once, by the way – too busy rewinding Stamkos and his cereal.)

I made my comeback at Washington, but Pants wasn’t there.  Then we played the Penguins, where I took a pretty big hit from Crazy Eyes Orpik and had to go to the quiet room.  She didn’t even call!  I know she was watching!  (Editor’s note: She wasn’t.)

Hmmpphh.  James Neal had the game winning shootout goal and was First Star, I bet she called him.

Really? This guy?

We’re still not winning much and I know Pants finds it hard to watch, because she really does like us.  We beat the Bruins, but I promised Chuck and Cassy I wouldn’t mention it in exchange for extra Mexicolas.  We are also tied with the Lightning at 40 points.  I’m hoping that my return can brighten things up around here and offer some consistency.  When we win, we score a lot (13 goals in last 3 wins.)  It’s not too late to get this season back on track.

Want me to sign your yearbook?

We are having a tough start here in Raleigh, it’s true.  We’re two points ahead of NYI for last place in the East.  But you have to think positive!  I have 11 goals and 12 assists.  That’s #21 out of 738 NHL players.  Things are going to turn around with our new coach and Pants will be really glad to have Eric and Cam back on her fantasy team.

So happy weekend, everyone.  Hold a baby.  Smile with dimples.  And please, someone come back to work on Monday because I draw the line at posting about Mike Green (unless you start paying me).