It’s so late-90’s Rob Thomas, if y’all were even alive back then.

Tazer got the shiner, of course, fighting Chuck’s LT boyfriend Joe Thornton on Friday.  I looked up from my computer, saw this going down on mute and threw my laptop across the room.  By the time I found the remote it was almost over, which is why Al Gore invented DVRs and rewinding.

Tazer’s scrapping so hard – even took a boarding call – that you know Thornton said something mean about Kaner.  Then Jon called him old.  Thornton dared Toews to grow half a beard.  Toews said ‘Win a Cup!’  Joey said he’d get something better than a lake named after him, then Jon threw off his earrings and press-on nails and went right after a bitch in the high school cafeteria.

Mind you, Joe Thornton doesn’t have a black eye because he won this fight.

.gif by michaeldelzotto.tumblr.com

At the 1:08 mark of this video, Thornton says, “He asked me to fight and I was kinda shocked, and I said ‘sure.'”  And he laughs, because it was pretty funny.

Toews didn’t make a fool of himself or anything – I’ve seen worse fights this week.  But Jon has 3 career fights (all losses/link) and Thornton has 26.  Of the last 15, Joey won 13, lost 1 (to Eric Lindros!) and had one draw.  He’s been around so long HockeyFights.com doesn’t even list winners back then.

I always like to see star players, especially captains, standing up for themselves.  The two have a history of rough stuff – a couple of head shots from Thornton were blamed for the belated concussion that sat Toews for 22 games last year.

That said, the Hawks have plenty of get up (what with their undefeated streak) and plenty of guys who’ll drop the gloves.  This was a pretty unnecessary risk.  When Patrick Kane starts being the smart one in this relationship [link], you need to pause.  Then save your sass for the scoreboard.

You can see the shiner in action here, as Toews talks about a fantastic Blackhawks veteran’s outreach program that’ll make you tear right up.

Side note: Auto-life-blog-ban for talking about Toews’ girlfriend, the lucky duck.  Not that you would, but save it for Tumblr.

NHL cancels first two weeks of regular season games – USA Today

But now that it’s actually happened I am overwhelmed with the force of my own fury.  I desperately want to:

But let’s be honest. I’m really this guy:

The regular season was supposed to open on my birthday.  What more could a girl ask for, right?  Now I’ll probably have to go to Old Country Buffet or some shit because I’m in my pajamas and can’t stop crying.

I am ditched at the altar, middle of the road, drunk Joan Cusack from In & Out distraught right now.  Just replace the “heterosexual” with “hockey game” and the dress with a jersey.  Everything else in this scene accurately expresses my emotions.  (If you’ve never seen this movie, now you have plenty of time.)

“I’m more miserable than ever and I’m a mess and I’m starving.”

Watch the clip where Howard says he can’t marry her and she loses it.  Also me.

Since I have nothing better to do than troll the internet while self-medicating with Taylor Swift songs, I’ve found a few gems.  The kind that make you smile and cry at the same time.

Bleacher Report: 50 Storylines the NHL Lockout is Making Us Miss

It took me a few tries to get through the whole list, I was getting so upset.  Is/Was this the year that Ebs-Hall-RNH and the Oilers get that turnaround?  Is there something uglier than Nashville’s third jersey waiting for us?  How about Movember – WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN?!  Then this:

Can we get a close-up?

Grilled Cheese vs. PB&J

Aaaggghhhwellllp.  That is so hot.  I had almost forgotten that I ship this hatred as much as any bromance in the League.  Just NOT THE FACE, okay?  Don’t mess up my view from this side of the glass.

Not that I’ve forgotten how morning-after, walk-of-shame bad it looked for the Pens at the end of last season.  Or the fact that Giroux was so scary good he should have at least been nominated for the Hart Trophy.  That is some blasphemy coming from a Pens fan who is also completely fanflail over Stamkos.  But it’s true!  I hate him, I hate him, he’s amazing.  GAH!

Giroux making Sid’s android emotion chip short circuit always reminds me of:

How’s the wrist holding up?

The best part of this?  It’s not going anywhere.  No matter how long it takes to get back to hockey, these two will still hate each other.  It’ll even get better, since Sid will be back in full force and full-time (however long that is).  Bonus for me: concentrating on the Pens/Flyers rivalry eases my traitorous heartache about loving the Capitals at the same time.  Slut.

So in these dark days, hold on to the fact that life will be this:

vs. this again someday.

Dear Universe, Please Hurry. Love, Pants (#teamcrosby)

My pretty pony …

What? These guns? I’m a peaceful man … but DO. NOT. CROSS. ME.

Ovi has a crush on him too – and who wouldn’t? I think pretty  much all hockey players would put Kris at the top of all their lists.

Excuse me guys, can I just squeeze in between you two for my dream sandwich?

I could pick his skate-gate out a 100 hockey player’s because it’s about as beautiful as his hair!

Watching him skate backwards SHOULD BE AN OLYMPIC SPORT – just sayin’ – it’s already an ALL-STAR GAME spectacle

I love summer because the thought of Kris being shirtless somewhere hot, keeps me going until I can see him on the ice come fall!

This is SOOOOOOO last summer Kris. Come on …. cut us girls a break.

Lay your hands on me, lay your hands on me … ok – Bon Jovi, I am not.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

I’m here to kick ass AND chew bubble gum. Lucky for you, I brought the bubble gum.

• Doughty certainly is a well-rounded player
• Doughty just skated down the Blues bench and told them they’d have to be quicker than that to throw a hit on him
• Doughty just got a free one off Elliott
• Who knew the Kings could go on such a winning streak without Doughty scoring

On a better note – Mike Richards is the only other player with a Gordie Howe Hatrick! The other player – Gingeroux!

I’m sexy and I know it!

So for those keeping count, the Kings are up 3-0 AGAIN in their series. For an 8^th seat team – that’s super totes. For a Sutter brother, it’s in the genes.

For the Blues, evidently, this is their way of keeping Doughty in check – evidently, they stole my diary:

7:30pm tonight.

Washington Capitals vs. Boston Bruins.

Battle of the Blog: Pants vs. Chuck – The Final Showdown.

Remember back to your history class when they talked about the gun battle at the OK Corral?

Tonight’s Bruins vs Caps game is going to be just like that.

Only with hockey sticks instead of guns.

Pucks instead of bullets.

Skates instead of spurs.

Please note that both of us look pretty good in cowboy hats and you all know that the Calgary Stampede is high on our bucket list.

Maybe this won’t be as bad as we think it will be.

Oh, who are we kidding?

This is going to be torture.

Are you #TeamChuck or #TeamPants?  Let us know on @WhatsUp_YaSieve

After this weekend, the heat intensified over how Brendan Shanahan decides suspensions and disciplinary action. But for us women, there’s no secret. After the Campbell empire of nepotism and favoritism crumbled there was hope for a clean start. But after almost a year in the position it looks like The Plastics are back with 2.0 edition.

Here is Shanahan and Bettman at a press conference discussing the recent Torres suspension:

http://www.nbc.com/assets/video/widget/widget.html?vid=1384659

This is what it must be like behind closed doors when they are deciding on disciplinary action. “Well Brendan, you have the physique of a 20 year old Zack Parise shooting down the cold freshly zambonied ice on a winter classic day with a crazed Shea Weber chasing you trying to smash you head into the boards.”

shanahan simply calls it in

ask henrik if this was worth $2,500 bowl full of crazy

My point is, discipline should be like justice, blind, fair and across the board. A hit should be judged on its own. Not if someone is hurt, not if someone is a popular or famous player, but as a stand alone on its own merits – as it were. This is simply not happening. I realize people are human but come on.

And don’t use Matt Cooke is the poster boy for this system – it was the Penguins who sat him down and said it’s your job or you’re out. That was the reason he change, NOT Shanahan or the new system.

This went beyond just hair-pulling ...

I don’t hate fighting as much as some other people. What I dislike is hypocrisy. Philly has never made any apologies for who they are. What shocked me was  Matt Cooke managed to stayed out of the fray.

Pittsburgh needs to decide quickly if they are going to play as a team to stay in the play-offs or protect Sidney Crosby from injury because they can’t do both.

But other than that, to lighten the mood there used to be someone who did Hockey Cats. So to continue the tradition, here is the weekend in hockey cats photos:

Mittens likes to live on the edge ... it's better than the tea-cup ride in Disneyland!

big Orange made a horrible goalie

I could (and will) watch this all day.  The amount of awesome cannot be expressed.  Even Pierre is speechless.  I wish they’d kept his mic live so we could hear Laviolette screaming.  He and Granato were both ejected, but not before Lavi picked up a stick and smashed it.  Of course, it was Max Talbot’s stick.

“He broke my stick and I was pretty sad about that.  It was a good stick,” Max said (which is why I still love him).

Watch Giroux, he’s begging for someone to draw him off the bench.  That would have broken Pierre’s heart, because he spent the whole game fangirling over Claude.  It was like his old flame Sidney didn’t even exist.  How fickle, Pierre!  Near the end there’s a great shot of  James Neal screaming at Zac Rinaldo.  I was fanning myself with a magazine, I swear.

There were all kinds of reasons for this melee – Schenn cross-checking Crosby, Bylsma putting his 4th line out for the late shift, Vitale crushing Briere in open ice – but mostly it happened because these are the Penguins and the Flyers.  They love to hate each other.  They’ll do it again Saturday, and probably in the first round of the playoffs.

Can you imagine?  No one win too much, you have to play each other!  Too bad (for me) the Pens couldn’t get the win yesterday.  They’re still one point up on the Flyers and can maintain home ice advantage.  You can read more about the insults and challenges traded post-game here.

Here’s the Crosby post-game interview [link], or you could just…

Is this an ad for something? Or just for his thighs?

And for the Flyers fans, I couldn’t find a Gingeroux post-game so here he is being interviewed with his dad [link].  Or if you prefer…

Your future family.

Try explaining this:

Three seconds into the game (yes, first period), the Rangers and Devils had three simultaneous fights break out.  That’s barely enough time to make a “Yo Mama” joke!    Gloves and helmets, report to the ice surface.

So what’s the story?

The Rangers have lost 6 of 11 in March.  The red hot Penguins (now with extra Crosby!) are breathing down their necks for 1st Place in the Atlantic Division and the Eastern Conference.  A slip would knock them down to 4th and a cage match for playoff home ice advantage with the Flyers.  The Devils have similar Feb and March records, and are firmly planted in the playoffs.  They could claw into 5th, or drop into 7th, but they’re going to make it either way.

Be honest.  Was it just because the Devils had to wear those awful green uniforms on Saturday?

No(t only).  There’s a ton of history and bad blood between two teams living so close together.  It’s like fighting with your bother in the back of mom’s station wagon on the way to day camp.  Just this year:

– On December 20, Mike Rupp fought Cam Janssen three seconds into the game (yes, first period) . [video]

– On February 7, Rupp and Janssen decided “why wait?” and dropped the gloves two seconds into the game (yes, again).  Bradon Dubinsky and Eric Boulton also fought at that time. [video]

So one fight at the opening faceoff, then two fights… you see where this is going.  In the six Rangers vs. Devils matchups this season, as a total of 22 fighting majors have been handed out.

Who are these madmen?

Each of these guys is a brawler.  Starting these lines is like stepping into the ring, gloved up and ready for a heavyweight title bout.  Last night was crazy, but every one of the players was well-matched and ready to go.

And what’s the point?

Ah, the age old question of fighting in hockey.  Some say let ’em swing.  Others, like this SBNation writer, think premeditated stage fights like this need to be eliminated, lest the NHL wax hypocritical about player safety.  The discussion over fights has heated up lately, with so many man-games lost to concussions and even Ralph Nader lobbying Bettman to ban brawls [link].  (Wow, was that a slow news day.)  Others cite the NHL’s nearly 100-year history of policing itself with a little on-ice law enforcement [link].

I admit that I laughed my butt off watching this fight.  Brawls like this don’t happen often and I don’t think allowing fights promotes fighting.  We’ve all seen bad fights – attacking a smaller guy, hitting someone who’s down, even a non-fighter squaring off against an experienced combatant (Jay Beagle, how’s your head?).   For the most part, the dangerous plays (hits from behind, boarding) are being addressed by the NHL, albeit with varying success.  That alone won’t keep players safe in the brutal, physical game of hockey.  But outlawing fighting won’t change that – it could even open the ice for big guys to run other teams’ stars without fear of consequences.  Don’t tell me penalties are consequences, unless we’re getting robot referees with laser vision and the ability to stop time.  Their job is the call by the rules.  A fighter’s job is sometimes to call by the heart.  Every hockey fan has seen a fight change the course of a game, because it’s part of the game.

Overall, I say guys who don’t want to fight, don’t fight – like Stamkos [link].  Guys who don’t fight but sometimes need to fire up their teams?  Well, they fight Matt Niskanen [link].  Neither way makes them bulletproof.  That’s hockey.

Last night wasn't Bickel's first dance.

What do you guys think? I’d love to hear from someone who wants fighting banned – there are a lot of good arguments and probably a million examples I haven’t considered.

Immediately, commentators began fighting.  Some say Letang put himself in a vulnerable position.  Others are calling for Eric Nystrom’s suspension.  EJ Hradek of NHL Network says:

ESPN’s (former Foxy Friday) John Buccigross disagrees:

By far the best was Milbury and Jeremy Roenick about to take off their earrings and start slapping each other.  (Props to Milbury – WHAT?!?!? I know. – for recommending Bylsma tell Pierre to “take off, eh?” for being a tool.)  See the video at Deadspin.com [link].

Disco Dan says Kris is “day-to-day” at this point.  After the non-committal injury descriptions in hockey, I think DTD is my favorite un-phrase.

As you know (because you counted the days till he was back), Letang missed nearly two months this season after suffering a concussion on November 26.  The hit earned Montreal’s Max Paccioretty a 3-game ban, even though the Pens cleared Letang and he returned to play.  Almost a week of continuing symptoms later, Kris was finally diagnosed with a concussion.

Gratuitous hair photo.

Since returning to the ice, Kris has been the same BAMF that earned him the most write-in votes of any NHL’er for the 2011 All-Star Game and a spot on that starting lineup.  He has 9G/22A on the year, and is credited with raising the game of his d-partner Paul Martin (who is not James Neal’s girlfriend).

Gratuitous perfection photo.

The NHL has not announced if Nystrom will have a hearing.  So what’s your verdict?  Shanabanned or no?  Maybe the NHL could introduce a new system of punishment here – using the fans.  If hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, you should see how she reacts when you take away her Letang.

Joey’s jealous because Chuck never made him a Foxy Friday.  Jon was rubbing it in, so Ryane Clowe came over to represent.

Tazer has two career fights, and he lost them both.  He’s a beast but I’m going to say that fighting Jumbo Joe (24 NHL fights, we’re he’s old) or Ryan(e) (50 NHL fights, including 12 last year) would not be a good idea.  Stitches in your lip are sexy once, Frankentoews.  But feel free to get angry because the Hawks have lost four in a row and still have five games left on this trip.

 Teemu got his 651st goal by the end of the night.

 Little Danny Briere put on his big boy pants and got in his third ever fight and had a hat trick to boot.

Shane Doan got his first hat trick EVER with .o1 to go – YES and the Coyotes have really needed SOMETHING to get their party started.

And faster than you can say “Excuse me but does this stick in the face make me look fat?” the PA put the hammer down on the realignment and the Blue Jackets have fired their coach. Whew. There was a crap load of exciting hockey happening this weekend and I didn’t even cover Corey Perry’s hat trick  – wait I just did.

So if you missed any of it, I suggest you watch the above because it was pure hockey magic. A banner weekend of nuggeted hockey gold wrapped tightly like a firecracker that exploded a little late for the new year but we’ll take it any way!

Press three for Intern Jeff Skinner.

Mike was as excited as Gator and I about the Caps putting together a serious, solid win.  Ovi had a goal (haven’t typed that in a long time), Nicky and Jeff Halpern each 1 G/1 A, Troy Brouwer had a Gordie Howe hat trick and iCarly rocked 1 G/2 A.  That’s two three-point games in a row for John!  Someone told him Gator wants points for Christmas.  He had a beast of a game and was named First Star.

Santa's coming?! I know him!!

Sasha Fierce missed two games with a minor shoulder injury, and was back in the lineup last night with 15+ min of ice time.  No points for Semin (in his last 5 games), but dear God we can’t have everything!  Settle for the Caps’s PK clicking, killing 6 of 7 minors.  Overall their PK ranks 24th in the NHL – and it’s usually Sasha in the box anyway.  Could it be the Capitals are getting back on track?

Favorite fake Twitter of the day.

Tweeting while biking it’s easy (I once texted Gator from the elliptical, almost resulted in me going on injured reserve), but it’s worth it.  Last night gave everyone a lot of hope, something the Caps sorely need.  Now if they can string together a few wins under Hunter, Ovi can figure his shit out and Mikey can get back in the lineup, we’ll be in business.  And if he can’t play, at least he should cheer where we can hear/read it.

Favorite real Twitter of the day.

(Instances in which I will forgive the your vs. you’re error are limited to big wins, hockey players and social media.  And so begin my dropping standards.)

Let's get this party started

but only one named Letang

The Catzipals new attitude? Let's hope so

even i think he looks better this way

the most epic bromance - EVER

Kunitz-Crosby-Dupuis
Sullivan-Malkin-Neal
Cooke-Staal-Kennedy
Asham-Park-Adams
(Vitale, MacIntyre)

CAPITALS

Ovechkin-Backstrom-Brouwer
Eakin-Johansson-Semin
Chimera-Laich-Ward
Hendricks-Halpern-Knuble-Perreault

On a side note, the Anaheim Ducks scooped BB as their coach so I wish him the best of luck and since every knows that I also have a crush on that ‘other’ #8 Teemu, GO DUCKS! DD is #8, Teemu is #8 and Ovi is #8 and Letang is #58 …. go crazy 8’s!

—

Here at WUYS, we do not discriminate.  We love all hockey players equally.  Young. Old. Canadian. American. European.  It don’t matter.  They’re all cool in our book.

Today, we’re feeling a little cougar-ish..okay a LOT cougar-ish…but not in a South Florida-divorcee-white-jeans-wearing-white-wine-drinking-sorta-way.  We’re totes classier than that.  We like red wine better.  Or gin.

The subject of our adoration and Foxy Friday honoree this week is a mere 18 years old.

You make me...feel like I'm livin' a....teenage dream.

18, people.   You don’t want to know what we were doing at 18.  it probably involved keg stands at West Campus frat parties and dumping dish soap into the fountain in front of the COM building at BU.

This young man is doing none of that.  He’s a bona fide, real life, NHLer.

From hockeyboylove.tumblr.com/

So, why have we seen fit to grace Gabriel with this highly prestigious honor?

Well, isn’t it obvious…

No shirt. No shoes. No problem.

Hockey player + puppy = love

Hockey Player + Baby = mega love.

But in all seriousness, there are plenty of other reason why we thing Gabriel is foxy.

• He’s a solid 6’1″, 204lbs.
• He’s Swedish.
• He was a first round draft pick for the Avs in last year’s draft.
• At 17, he was youngest player in 30 years to wear the ‘C’ ‘for the Kitchener Rangers & 1st European Captain in their history.
• Also wore the ‘C’ for Sweden’s Under-16, Under-17, Under-18 teams.
• And his Djurgarden team at the age of 6.
• Made Swedish Elite League debut at 16 years and 90 days.  Youngest player in Djurgarden history.
• Most embarrassing hockey moment: Going on to the ice with his skate guards on in front of 6,000 Kitchener fans.
• His childhood idol is Peter Forsberg…who also happens to be Swedish…and to which Gabriel has often been compared to.  We’re going to start calling him Foppa 2.0.

NHL Central Scouting’s Chris Edwards on Gabriel Landeskog…
“He is a good-size guy who is solid on his skates, not afraid to take the puck to the net or battle for it along the boards. His skating is very good in all areas. He plays the game with so much passion, he plays the game hard, he’s a great mentor for players that are younger and older, maturity beyond his years. (He) doesn’t need one game in the American league next year — he should step right into the NHL. I think the team that gets him next year is going to get a player that helps them win a Stanley Cup.”

Remember this face. In 5 years, I'm going to be pretty boss.

Pretty bold words if you ask us.  But we sort of have to agree.  For what we’ve seen so far, the Foppa 2.0 has mega potential, for sure.  He’s big and skilled and great with the puck.  All the thing you want in a guy you drafted #2 overall.

Avs are 6-3 this young season and so far, Gabriel has 6 points (4 G, 2 A).   Not a bad start for a 18-year-old in his first season.  We’ve got our eyes on him this season.

Rookie of the Year?  Maybe.  But we are taking applications for a new Rookie of our Lives….

Learn more about Foppa 2.0 here.

Colin Wilson tried to fight someone.

Heeeyyyy wait a tic…

YOU TRIED TO FIGHT MAX LAPIERRE?

ARE YOU CRAZY!?

NOT THE FACE!  Please sweet lord in heaven, not the face.

until this happened.

Who farted?

PARTY IN THE PENALTY BOX!

But this is a party you wouldn’t really want to go to.  The food is bad.  The champagne is flat.  And someone clogged up the toilet.

It was ugly, people.  Oooglay.

And like Nine Inch Nails, we were headed into a downward spiral.

Chris Kelly – perhaps the most unassuming, gentle man on the Bruins – even got into a fight.

CHRIS KELLY!

Chara goes all Godzilla on this guy…

I’m not one to complain about the officials but they were a little suspect last night.

I'm sensing a pattern here....

Bruins = 72 PIM.  Hurricanes = 22 PIM.

Really?  Only 22 minutes?  Both teams were chippy and throwin’ bows but somehow only the Bs got the minutes.

Chuck no likey.

Neither does Coach Claude.  He got tossed.  Pretty sure if he could have chest bumped the refs MLB-stylo, he would have.

Grumpy Bear.

If they do wrong, give them the two minutes (or four…or ten).  Make them feel shame.  But don’t be one-sided in your punishment.

BTDubs – Shawn Thornton, 2 minutes for “Abuse of officials”?  Never heard that one before.

but then I can't post this photo of brad pitt and THAT would be a shame

Does this mean that everyone on the Canucks are really werewolves? I present the following evidence. They may be more Underworld and less Twilight but it doesn’t mean they aren’t anymore effective. Werewovles kick ass. And I love me some Lucian but not Luongo. I’ll still dance under the moonlight with van morrison and I’ll always be an american one in London.

manimal - did anyone know there was actually a show on tv called that?

Ok, so you can tell I've been watching the Underworld marathon on syfy.

this really pained me to make this but he's the only one that matched up. the things I do for you all.

It’s 2-0 kids. Werewolves, I mean Cancucks, which is probably secret code for werewolves shapeshifting into wonder-twins activating into Alexander Burrows making two amaza-balls goals after draining Bergereon of his hockey magic. Beware. They are tricksters.

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.

PANTS: Sorry for the post-jack Dawn, but I have to add my Tweet from last night.