When I saw this:

My first thought was:

Then my interfriends kindly informed me this was from a commercial – an actual mini movie – in which other such ovary-punching moments are included.

What was that you said?

Yeah, that’s what I heard.

Lindsay’s expert analysis of this photo: “The lighting is all 90’s, reminds me of The Cutting Edge.”

If Sid scraps the scuff, he could be Doug Dorsey for Halloween.

Sportsnet always has good hockey content (compared to the US, who doesn’t?), and I love their new campaign. Apparently the players love it too – and they don’t want to leave.

These are all things Intern Jeff Skinner thought he’d be doing when he signed up to work at WUYS.

Throwing away Penguins and Bruins-looking hockey paraphenalia, pretending it smells.

Ping pong and video games, while growing his hair out. Can you see the promise of a man-bun lurking here? Headman and Doughty are one real opponent away from asking to borrow a hair tie. (And being told no, because no.)

Fixing things with athletic tape – Jeff actually does this, though we requier duct tape because we have standards and you can buy duct tape with Minions or Justin Beiber printed on it. If he could roll some duct tape into a hair tie, we might concede the man-bun.

Eating french fries. As if there are any fries left when Intern Jeff finishes getting our lunches. He’s on a strict diet of orange slices and Capri Sun like the rest of the kids on his school bus. Plus, Tyler Seguin eats fries like he’s asking Leonardo DiCaprio to draw his nude portrait in Titanic. That is how you get us to share our floating door in the North Sea, friends.

Napping. We don’t let Intern Jeff sleep on the job, but we will let him carry in the new couch we just ordered in case Crosby ever shows up here. And none of this standard-cushion-size stuff, we went for the oversize, extra-sturdy, big & tall model. Cros can hardly fit his backside on SportsNet’s little sofa.

(Bonus: Unintentional slightly early screencap that defines my life.)

Hey, if that doesn’t work out for Intern Jeff Skinner, he could always get  gig helping out at Sportsnet:

Here’s some BTS from what look like a lot more Sportsnet commercials yet to come…

Behind-the-scenes, we like to put hockey's brightest stars like @RealStamkos91, @dewyy8 and @ErikKarlsson65 to work. https://t.co/8eel944LY3

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) September 21, 2015

Trust that if ever Crosby doesn’t look sweaty enough for something, this is not how we’re going to fix it:

One more, to illustrate me trying to leave my desk today when people keep sending more things to blog about:

The #NHL's #BrightestStars have the on-ice skills down, but we're still working on their acting chops. #outtakes https://t.co/M9YCgpzVw5

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) October 1, 2015

Bear with us as I have no idea how to use some new WordPress features and these pictures look a little drunk.

If I could photoshop a unicorn coming out of this, I would. I'll work on that.

Freshly pressed … like that ex boyfriend that won’t go away or that itch you know where or that imaginary BFF you keep  inviting to events and telling all your other friends about but she never shows? YES – THAT’S BACK! In all its sparkly, bedazzled-oh-so-tight, spandexy, oh-no-they-didn’t-just-say-that-madness-glory.

The twist - guess which one is the HOCKEY player?

No Russians this time out so you out there who think I don’t like ‘those who shall not be named’, get ready because this time out they have a US player in the line up so I can start my flag waving early – I’M KIDDING! I love everybody. I’m an equal opportunity ranter – I’m about fairness and this show is about charity for some of the best ones in Canada so let’s keep it foremost in mind. Everybody’s a winner!

But they’ve added a twist. What’s that you say? A chick hockey player – hell yeah! The sisters are doin’ for themselves! But I’m calling Brad May as the winner early because I love him and I want to scream MAY DAY at the TV for the duration of the season.

Please – I’m shallow and I’ve looked over the cast, and quite honestly, he seems like the hottest one. That truly was the only reason I rooted for Val last year. He turned out to be quite talented to boot but it had nothing to do with him being Russian. He looked good in those ridiculous costumes!  A feat all by itself!

I anoint you winner of BOTB season 3 simply because you're hot.

Hockey Players

Wade Belak – Canadian

Bryan Berard – USA

Tessa Bonhomme- Canadian – CHICK

Boyd Devereaux – Canadian

Cale Hulse – Canadian (looks like a serial killer if you ask me)

Curtis Leschyshyn – Canadian

Brad May – It’s May Day! I am going to be screaming that at the TV every time. You can believe that. (Canadian)

(One more to be named) – Who will it be? Wayne Gretzky would be AWESOME and then paired with Johnny Weir! Totes Spectular!

who said unicorns don't exist!?

i have no words

Figure Skaters

Violetta Afanasieva

Tanith Belbin

Elena Berezhnaya

Marie-France Dubreuil

Marcy Hinzmann-Harris

Anabelle Langlois

Kim Navarro

David Pelletier

So tune in on Sunday,  September 18 for booty camp and Sunday September 25 for the first round of elimination to see who does the skate of shame first! It will keep you warm until Hockey season starts! Let the BOTB count down begin! Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I’m just sad no JR this year. Kurt Browning … REALLY? At least maybe he and Ron will consumate their love. It kills me watching them yearn for each other from afar!

Here’s the second one [link].  We miss his adorkableness something awful.

And the new SC87 gear advert.  JUST TAKE ALL OUR MONEY.

Intern Jeff Skinner isn’t going to be happy spending all day entering us into this:

Here’s the contest link.  You have to be Canadian to enter (that’s racist!), but you win for 4 people.  So you’ll take us, right?  We’ll even get to the ‘Burgh on our own, you can sleep across our empty seats on the plane.

Ggo out this weekend and celebrate.  If you’re American enjoying July 4th, we suggest you blast some Bryan Adams, then find a Canadian and hug him.

But this is NOT about the Winter Classic. This is about a SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT made during the Winter Classic. NBC announced HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA. Now, I don’t want to split hairs here or get all semantic in your jockstrap BUT there are several things wrong with this announcement.

NBC programming executive for HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA

Secondly, HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA would technically include Canada and Mexico (South America if I REALLY want to go there). Last time I checked Mexico didn’t have  hockey teams nor do they play hockey on a regular basis. I am not trying to be all PC but if you are stealing something, at least let’s not encompass EVERYTHING! It should be called HOCKEY DAY IN THE U.S.

NBC executives might want to reference this

The Coup-de Grassi in all of  this … not only are they stealing Hockey Day in Canada but they are putting Hockey Day in America against Canada’s Heritage Classic; THEIR version of the outdoor WINTER CLASSIC (which we stole). Wait for it …. ON VERSUS which NBC OWNS! What’s a hockey fan to do? And oh how rude to Canada …!

Holy Sparkly Flying Dancing Unicorn Out My Butt! Does NBC have no Shame? Don’t answer that. While I am normally the first to criticize Canada because I do not quite feel the same why about our neighbor to the north as Pants and Chuck, visiting as often as I do, this is simply unacceptable. It is poorly conceived and makes no sense. It’s bad for Hockey and not a good PR move for the NHL. Why not tie in WITH HOCKEY DAY IN CANADA … oh wait, THAT would make sense.

I can save HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA!

I’m also very thankful for this, from my hockey pal & hero Mer.  There is a Dick’s Sporting Goods here, and I’m counting on the Black Friday madness to distract everyone while I tear this off the wall and run away.  She even named the photo perfectly: “Sid + OMG”.  I can’t think of anything to say that’s not, well… [censored].

Fire up the getaway car.