TWO scoops of ice cream.  Go crazy.

John turns 35 today… kidding, he’s 24.  Yes, in human years.  This clearly demonstrates why the Prime Minister of Canada only has to be 18, while President of the United States must be 35.  We just don’t make ’em like John down here.

Sid looks jealous.

Way back in March 2012, we featured John as Foxy Friday.  We dig the ‘hot middle school science teacher’ vibe, and let’s be honest – we need someone to file our taxes. Since then, we’ve spent many a post discussing tucked-in shirts, how nervous John gets when interviewed by a woman and that time he was selected Islanders Captain and said “heck” in his speech.

This is me being cool.

John is the perfect blend of awkward and awesome, of boy-next-door and we-grew-up-in-the-wrong-town.  If we ever go back to school, we’ll just print this blog out and hand it in as our senior thesis on John’s choice of pants.

Before.

He’d appreciate our use of the Scientific Method.

After.

Editor’s note to self for next blog: it’s tough to search posts about “pants” when you call yourself “Pants.”  But all talk of pants is good.

How you doin’?

Since being hurt in Sochi last year, John missed the end of a very promising season.  We can’t wait for him to come back in all his dorky glory, hair sticking out the top of his helmet, and give Crosby a run for the Hart.

That’s right, I said it.

May this be the season when Googling “John Tavares gif”:

This guy.

Gives you only John and no other hockey players.

What about me?

Because he’s worth it.

Beat it, it’s MY birthday!

So Happy Birthday, John Tavares and happy almost-hockey season to us!

We can’t keep a straight face either.

Better than a wind machine.

Or maybe his selection to Rant Sports’ 15 Pro Athletes Who Would Steal Your Girlfriend in a Heartbeat.  Jon is listed at #1.

Truth in advertising.

Happy 26th birthday, Jonathan Toews.

Right down the fairway.

We didn’t get to talk a lot about the Blackhawks this season, consumed as we were with life in the East.  If I could freeze time to watch hockey, I’d never miss a Toews game.  Chicago didn’t replicate last year’s season-start winning streak, they didn’t win the conference or even their division.  But they did just win four in a row to put down the Blues and advance to Round 2 like they owned the place. And after two Cups in four years, maybe they do.

Toews knows how to party.

I could talk forever about Tazer.  Suffice to say I wish he played for my team, or barring that I wish I got to watch him more often.  If I had kids – boys or girls, fans or players – Toews is who I would tell them to watch. Nowadays, they might even learn to have a little fun.

Video – Cabbie Presents: Selfies

Past JT19 birthday celebrations: 2011; 2012; 2013 As the Blackhawks await the winner of the Wild/Avalanche series, we hope Jon puts these days off to good use.  Rest that beat-up arm, do some squats, have some cake.  We’ll see you soon.

They look so grown up.

Today is Tyler’s 22nd birthday.  It’s also Friday.   Despite emails arriving in my inbox so frequently that the little “ping” now sounds like a goal horn, I thought I’d take a minute and give the people what they want.

Tyler had 2 goals Monday and 1 last night, ending a 12-game, 21-day scoreless streak.  On the ice, at least.  With 24 G and 29 A for 53 points, Seguin leads the Stars in each category.

Dallas had a Casino Night this week, and in a baffling move didn’t post a photo gallery on their website.  Maybe they don’t like selling tickets.  Instagram came through with this gem of the crowd singing to Tyler [video].  Then people bid on a round of golf with him and Jamie Benn.

I think you have to pay extra for Seguin to wear the pink tie but maybe there’s a discount for Jamie’s mullet.  Really we just need to know if Marshall is invited.

Video of this. Stop-slash-don’t ever.

So happy birthday, Tyler.  We’re pretty sure this is all realy a gift for Chuck, but nevertheless is enjoy the rock star party that’s sure to mark this occasion.  While you’re at it wear more v-neck sweaters.

Bonus: Tyler’s first Foxy Friday and best birthday post ever.

PS: It’s also Brandon Bollig’s birthday [Foxy Friday].  Seems the universe feels particularly generous with the gene pool on January 31.  Cheers!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOHN TAVARES!

from mistfarer, tagged #boyfriendfilter

Yes, 23.

Our love for John is not new – he was Foxy Friday back in March 2012 – but we have been a bit, er, cult-ish lately.  He had a big summer!  What else are we supposed to do?

John was named captain of the Islanders, made a sex workout tape, and out-styled the NYR with his amazing hair – which was promptly ruined in literal and figurative form by a NY Yankees hat.  We even did a whole post about his pants (cross reference: tucked-in polo, belt).

We learned that if/WHEN he’s named to Team Canada 2014, he won’t wear #91 which really puts me and @linzerellak in a jam over t-shirt shopping.

Last season, John was nominated robbed, admit it for the Hart Trophy and finished 3rd in goals (including 9 PPG + 5 GWG) with a career-high .58 GPG.  He figured in 35% of goals the NYI scored.  He came way too close for comfort (closer than history will reflect) to eliminating the Penguins from the playoffs.

Chuck mentioned he’s half-Polish, right?  At top volume?

John talked to Athletes Quarterly about his favorite off-ice things, and shot an arrow through our hearts with:

Read that feature.  The first person who brings us video of John Tavares singing Green Day at karaoke gets… Lord, you can have Intern Jeff Skinner.  (For a week.  Don’t get crazy.)

The Fourth Period (and everyone else) has praised John’s diplomacy and wisdom beyond his years.

Don’t worry John, that’s what I’m here for.

John got a little nervous talking to Alyonka Larianov, and joked that he hopes to look “half decent” when his knocked-out teeth are replaced.  She told him he’s “doing all right.”  Amen, sister.

Smoother than this time he straight up told Kathryn Tappen he was single.

3:24 of John struggling not to giggle.

Endless adorkableness.  This season, we are bringing it all to you.

I could be Dauntless.  I would jump right onto this moving train.

So while we contemplate getting one of these for the office:

You guys wish John a happy birthday and get ready for a whole new season of awkward videos and tucked-in shirts!

The Isles host the Devils tomorrow in the first hockey game ever played at their future home, Barclays Center in Brooklyn.  It will be the smallest arena in hockey (around 14,500 seats).  You can read about the strange, off-center seating arrangement here and see a map of tickets available for tomorrow night’s game here.  It’ll be interesting to see how this goes!

When you came to the Penguins, we hardly knew you.  Since then, well, we hope you like this website dedicated mostly to your existence.   Think of it as a place to remember that getting older is a) inevitable and b) really working for you.

To celebrate, we share with everyone: 926 Days of James Neal

The day we looked up the New Guy’s picture:

The day we went to Pittsburgh and he won the game:

The day we committed long term to this relationship:

The next day, when we were not the only ones:

The last day he ever let someone else use the mirror:

The day we knew this was going to get ridiculous:

The day this officially got ridiculous:

The loudest I have ever screamed about something that was not a goal:

The day we realized how special James is:

The day he told us he doesn’t wash his hair:

The day we decided that is fine by us:

The day we thought, “Oh, um, maybe not.”

The day we took back our doubts forever:

The day Alison & I traded jellybeans for magazines via international post:

The day I changed my mind about tattoos:

The day Nealer got sassy [video]:

And never stopped:

The day James was a window cling giveaway:

All the days we’ve spent talking about the Gingerbeard:

The day on which we were the most right about James:

And every other day:

Yes, this guy:

Became this guy:

Which is exactly what we’ve spent our last few birthday wishes on.  Would it be greedy to ask for another 40 goals?  Or just enough that we haven’t seen too many pictures of his Ferrari this summer?

Now to get through the 30 days until hockey starts…

Flashback: Birthday Boy: James Neal (2011), Birthday Boy: James Neal (2012)

Happy birthday, Sidney Crosby!

Those of us who love Crosby know there are many, many moments of this:

And more than a few of this:

When Sid is on the ice.  But if he wanted us to base our opinions only on this:

He shouldn’t have been born on this:

Love him or hate him… wait, forget that.  Love him.  It’s his birthday.  It’s summer.  For heaven’s sake he looks like this:

Over the life of WUYS, if I haven’t made you love Crosby, well then I’ll just keep on trying.  Allow me to present, in celebration of 26 years…

Unofficial Top 10 (Off-Ice): Sidney Crosby

10. I could never look him in the eye and say “stick” without promptly turning to flee in a giggly panic.

9. He’s good with kids, by matching them in awkwardness:

8. Scratch that, he is the King of Awkward.

7. He is on the (very) short list of guys allowed to wear a gold chain.

6. Do you color code your closet, then organize shirts by descending length of sleeve with a cross-reference for last time you wore that item to a hockey game your team won?  Your crazy doesn’t even register here.

5. This, if there were an HBO version.

4. Every time Sid doesn’t say what you know he wants to say.  Like when a CBC reporter asked him if he’d thought about never playing in the NHL again.

3. Then he played in the NHL again.  (Okay, ONE on the ice moment!)

2. Those hockey games that leave everyone:

1. And every single time this happens.

26 years old.  Eight years in the NHL, 238 goals, 427 assists.  One Art Ross Trophy, one Hart Trophy, one Rocket Richard Trophy.  One Stanley Cup.  One Olympic Gold.  What do you think, Sid?  Another good year ahead?

So say we all.  Happy birthday, Sid.

For old times sake: Birthday Boy: Crosby – 25; Birthday Boy: Crosby – 24

Even if you don’t like the Bruins , you love Patrice. Even Pants loves Patrice.

I mean, just look at him.

The way he plays.

The way he carries himself.

His face.

There is a reason I call him ‘Perfect Patrice’.

And we made him serve it.  This is a job, people!

Jeff’s big day comes during the un-offseason.  He’s rather be in the playoffs, but how does Jeff feel about playing for Team Canada?  Proud.

How does he feel about turning 21?  Like an adult.

How does he feel when we tease him for having a girlfriend?

Haha, that’s about right.

Happy birthday, Intern Jeff Skinner!  Now back to work!

Remember when we were asking:

Then we got distracted by the playoffs?  Well, meet Kevin Wheeler.

Please, no one disillusion me by saying Canada is not a magical land full of helpful neighbors, cops who give hockey-related high speed escorts and adorklable Jordan Eberle drinking  Coca-Cola products.  I’m in my happy place right now.

Actually, my happy place would be in Sweden for the World Championships.  Can I get a minute for Team Canada?  How did they get a plane off the ground with this much foxy on board?  Ebs, #TeamSchultz, Luke Schenn, #TeamHall, Gingeroux, JStaal and EStaal, Intern Jeff Skinner, Matt Duchene AND Stamkos!

Excuse me while learn to push a beverage cart and deploy door slides.

image by littlestaalthings.tumblr.com

We cannot watch this magic in America because we hate fun things, but it appears that Team Canada is undefeated in this tournament so far [link].

Is it a Swimsuit Competition?  They will never lose.  Not even against Sweden, who they play Thursday.

Ebs had a seesaw year, racking up points in OKC then struggling (along with everyone) back in EDM.  He/they had a pretty great year on WUYS – glad we could help.  Here’s hoping the Oilers make the playoffs next year, also make more Cabbie videos and that someone finally steps up for #Team RNH.

Happy 25th birthday, Tazer!

We all know that Jonathan hates fun.

He prefers to win, and win often.  Luckily the Blackhawks are pretty good at hockey and Toews himself is alright on the ice.

Going into the playoffs with nearly every possible point, the Hawks are poised to make a run at the recapturing the Cup they won in 2010.  It’s safe to say that we know what Jon wants for his birthday:

Yes, exactly.  He wants the other part of this beard.

When he’s not derping, walking behind locker room cameras in his shorts or making fun of Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews is being nice to strangers…

… watching romantic comedies, avoiding cilantro and not vacuuming.  Sounds like a date night to us.

He’s almost a full-time model by now, specializing in what you’d like your future husband to wear while meeting your parents at the venue for your wedding reception.

So happy birthday to the Captain, Cup-winner and a guy who makes everyone over 25 feel bad for not accomplishing more.  He won’t have a party.  He’ll stay home and do squats…

While waiting for your team to try him in the playoffs.  Then he’ll hug you, when you’re ugly-crying after the Hawks run your team into the ground.

Flashbacks:  Toews Turns 23, Toews Turns 24

Wait, who?

Gabe, who has the best eyebrows in hockey?

And what does he tell “visitors” who want to stay past curfew?

Does that line actually work?

How often does he need an excuse?

Yeah, we can kinda see it.

As de facto stand-in Headmistress of #TeamRNH (until we find a full time hire), it’s really rude of my to almost miss Ry’s birthday.  Now he’s the same age as Gabe…. again.  Honestly!

The Oilers are off tonight.  Have a happy and appropriately of-age Canadian birthday, Molly Ringwald!

Thanks to Lemya @TheSequinedPuck) for the reminder.

Also, today is Max Talbot’s birthday.  I forget about Max for stretches of time (blinded by the orange), but he deserves some birthday attention.

Why are John Tavares and Matt Duchene in the dark?  Along with the hint that Matt was not fully dressed yet, you may want to leave that light off.

Max, why are you late?  Tavares is never late for anything in his life… except, you know, winning because he’s stuck on the Islanders.

I bet he dreams of Rick Nash now.

.gifs by johnntavares.tumblr.com

What is this gym – a place where Dexter kills people?  Why are workout videos these days all filmed on the set of CSI?

Alas, on to the good stuff.  Pushing…

Pulling. Dropping.

If there’s something worse than burpees, I have not met it.  Matty looks way too enthusiastic about this and his forearms are incredible.  One pull-up takes the dork right out of him.

If I did a push up that low, it would only result in:

Tell me that smile doesn’t sum up everything about Max Talbot.

Come on kids. Max is 29 now, you can’t let him outwork you!

Kudos to Max for being a jerk and leaving the Penguins, then having career-high everythings in Philadelphia.  Now he’s even got an endorsement deal!

I’m proud of him.  He’ll always be this guy in my book.

And this one.

Staring down opponents?

Scoring 60?

Making sure your name is on the Rocket Richard trophy… twice?

Admiring goalies even as your ruin their GAAs?

Relaxing?

Pants-optional shoveling?

Jumping ridiculously high?

Reading WUYS?

Yeah, that’s the one.  Happy birthday, Stammer!

The Lightning have more goals than any team this season (40).  Steven has 7 of those goals (tied for 3rd overall) and 16 total points (2nd overall).

They take their 6-3 record into NJ tonight at 7 PM.  Last year, Stamkos scored one goal on his birthday.  This year, let’s wish bigger. 

Memory Lane:

Birthday Boy: Steven Stamkos (2012),

Birthday Boy: Steven Stamkos (2011)

The day we’ve all been waiting patiently for.

The day we’ll all feel slightly less creepy staring at photos of men 10+ years younger than us.

Today is Tyler Seguin’s birthday.

And not just any birthday, but his 21st birthday.

Shots of Patron for everybody!

Oh lord, help us all.

People of Boston and the world…you have been warned.

Today, as we pause to celebrate Mr. Seguin and his inescapable charm , let us reflect on all the good times he’s had…

Like that time he won a Stanley Cup in his 1st NHL season…

Like that time he got that sleeve tattoo and raised his BAMF rating with a 7 (out of 10)…

Like that time he finally passed his road test…

Like that time he perfecting his imitation of a sad, disappointed baby…

Like that time he scored a salty shootout goal despite a flying hot dog…

and then scored another salty goal on the re-d0…LIKE A BOSS. 

Like that time he wore a scarf…

Like that time he officially joined Red Sox Nation…

Like that time when he learned to talk to girls…

 Like that time he found his two new spirit guides…

Like that time he actually went out in public with this haird0…

Like that time he went to Europe and fell in love…

Like that time when he spent some quality time with his sister…

Like that time he got really bored on a road trip…

Like that time he got really mad at this wall…

Like that time he got a puppy and completely obliterated our ovaries…

It’s no big secret that I’ve been a Seguinista since day 1.  Pants has finally come to her senses and joined me on the dark side.

Today, you can too.

Today is the day that you can finally come out of the closet and admit your love.

It’s okay.

We’ll be here to support you.

Mr. Wayne Gretzky

The Great One turns 52 years  young today!  Born January 26, 1961 in Brantford, Ontario, Gretzky is without a doubt the best player to ever play the game.  The numbers that he complied in his 20-year professional career are simply staggering.

894 goals.  1,963 assists.  2,857 career points.

In the 1981-1982 season, Gretzky had 212 points.   212 points, people.  92 of those were goals.

I just can’t even comprehend.

18-time NHL All-Star. 10 Art Ross Trophies.  9 Hart Trophies.  5 Lady Byngs.  4 Stanley Cups.  4 Lester B. Pearsons. 2 Conn Smythes.

All this coming from a man who by any hockey standards, especially today’s, was not built for hockey.

Wayne Gretzky is what you might refer to as a….

His size, strength, and basic athletic ability were nothing exceptional.  As an 18-year-old rookie in 1979, he weight all of 160 lbs.  And I’m pretty sure that was soaking wet, holding the Stanley Cup while wearing all of hockey equipment.

Then he ate some sandwiches and got his weight up to manly 185 lbs.  By his own admission, he always finished dead last peripheral vision, flexibility, and strength during team testing.  Apparently, he could only bench press 140 lbs.

So how did this guy become the greatest hockey player of all time?

Simple.

He’s an alien.

Okay, so not really, but some have accused him of having some sort of extrasensory perception when it comes to hockey – “eyes in the back of his head” they called it.   In reality, Gretzky’s intelligence and his ability to read the game was unparalleled.

He had an almost superhuman ability to anticipate the puck and where it would be on the ice.  He was a creative player, an improviser able to make split second decisions on the ice and completely confuse his opponents.

He was an ellusive player.  Denis Potvin once remarked that trying to hit Gretzky was like “wrapping your arms around fog.”  Gretzky even has an area of the ice named for him. Forever more, the area behind the net will be referred to as “Gretzky’s Office.”  (Which I also happen to think is an excellent name for a hockey bar.)

He had great flow, before flow was a “thing”.

He scored 50 goals in 39 games. 

He inspires deep thoughts from movie man Kevin Smith.

Since retiring from the game in 1999, the Great One was immediately inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame, the only player to ever have this honor.  His infamous #99 jersey was retired league-wide.

Gretzky has kept busy as a coach, businessman, husband, father, and of all things, a wine maker.

So, we here at WUYS raise a glass of Wayne Gretzky Estates 2008 Pinot Nior to #99 and wish him a very happy birthday!

First, it was just casual hanging out.  Maybe a Tuesday night happy hour, catch a movie in English with both French and German subtitles that cover half the screen (actual Swiss moviegoing experience).

It was nothing to break up a long-term relationship over.  Everyone knows Seguin never calls before the three day mark anyway.

Then hockey started:

And it was like magic.

ACTUAL magic.

Suddenly, Patrick and Tyler are Lockout Life Partners.

There are date nights involving sawdust and shorts.  Just two guys in matching outfits learning how to wrestle.  It’s perfectly normal.

We all knew that Kaner & Seguin vs. the World was going to be something special.  But did we ever think it would be true love?

Don’t hate the player, hate the lockout.

So it’s no surprise that at the end of a night, from the bottom of a bottle and again in matching shirts, it all came down to this.

Poppin’ buttons, er… bottles.

Go ahead and scroll back up.  Zoom in even.  Somewhere in North America, Toews is doing the same thing while polishing his death stare for the next NHLPA meeting.

In fact, Tazer’s on an Interpol watch list now as a potential threat for an international incident.  P & T are rubbing it in his face, Tweeting and Instagramming and actually playing hockey together.  Jonathan’s been dumped with #nofilter in that awful last-call moment when they turn on all the lights.

Whoever’s hip you’re grabbing at that time of night…

New shoes, plaid shirts, no problems.

Maybe Toews will rebound with a new BFF, someone on this side of the pond, to show ’em all Kaner’s not the only one who can play the field.  Take a few steps up the 1-to-10 scale himself.  Got anyone in mind, Jon?

At least they could borrow each other’s jeans.

PKane better be careful when he comes home, because what happens in Switzerland is getting us all through this lockout.

Maybe we could just move there?  If this is what they get a guy for his birthday, imagine what they’d have for us.

Oops, not that one…

WE MEANT THIS, YOU GUYS.

It’s hard to be the man, Patrick.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TAYLOR HALL.

(That sound you hear is Amanda and Jess crashing to the floor.)

Since Taylor’s living and playing in the US, his 21st birthday is a big deal.   We hope he makes good decisions, or documents everything on social media.

Either way.

If you focus all your energy on something in a sci-fi movie, you can move it with your mind.  If you focused the combined energy of this blog in the last three weeks, you could float yourself the Oklahoma City Barons.  It seems only fitting that Taylor makes this blog by popular demand.

Taylor’s off IR for that shoulder injury and scored 38 seconds into his first game as a Baron on November 2.  He also took a late-game 5-minute major + match penalty for a check to the head.  The penalty was reversed and Taylor was not suspended.  He has 3 goals and 1 assist in 5 games for the Barons.

If the NHL ever comes back, Taylor will start the 2013 season on a 7-year, $42 million contract.  That’ll fill those seats.  Selected #1 overall back in 2010, he has a career 49G and 46A in 126 games over two seasons with the Oilers.

He’s also part of our favorite present day boy band:

They’re even well-respected by other musicians, such as Snoop Dogg.

When he’s not playing hockey, Hallsy and his Barons teammates ride their bikes around Oklahoma City.  BIKES.  I know Middle America isn’t the healthiest place on Earth, but I find it hard to believe the fangirls can’t run faster than he can pedal.

Taylor’s a hit on Twitter (@hallsy04) – seriously, he’s so sassy he should blog for us.  We don’t care if he can’t spell.  He’s also on Instagram.

You can follow his Movember, um… progress.

Things around here have been quite heated in the Eberle vs. Hall Dream Date Debate.  While Chuck and I agree (gasp) that we’re Team Eberle, we are beginning to see what you see when you see this:

Or this:

And okay, this:

So… new life plan, anybody?  We hear the cost of living is really reasonable in Oklahoma City (with money left over for sock puppets arm warmers).

It’s definitely been JamesNeal.com around here lately – we just can’t help ourselves.  Here’s James at the Altoona Curve game last week, talking labor disputes and lockouts:

Warning: The video is as shaky as if I were filming this.

And what James is doing with the rest of his summer:

The boys are looking pretty banged up, perhaps there was rafting while drinking?  I’ve been there.  Also, notice his right arm is down… so we will never see that tattoo.

Happy 25th birthday to the Crosbot!  Yeah, that’s the one.

You either love Sidney Crosby, or you hate him.  Which is fine because I love him enough for everyone.  Sure, sometimes I want to smack him and say, “Stop being such a brat!”  But most of the time he’s a superstar talent with the superhuman ability to never say anything meaningful to the press.  Even when (I dream) he desperately wants to tell the world to F OFF.

And when he does… well, you think I love him now.

Truth in art, by itsstaalgood.tumblr.com

Some of you know that I met my husband because a) I was drunkinking in a bar, b) it was the ’08 playoffs and c) he kinda looks like Sid (more so back then).  I said, “I’m going to talk to that guy, he looks like Sidney Crosby.”  Et voila.

Sidebar: Mr. Pants does not find this as funny as I do.

Absolutely, 100% real-life me if this ever happened.  Complete with glasses.

I could go on all day, but I’ve been going on for 2+ years with this blog and I think you get the picture.  I’m not normal (see: traitorous love for the Washington Capitals) so I don’t have normal people problems.

What I do have is one of these:

And I’ve worn it to hockey games in these places:

And every time I do I feel like:

Because people are saying, “What IS that hideous thing she’s wearing?” and I’m all, “Shut up, bitches, I’m going to prom.”

So if you’ve ever used an 8 or a 7, or used them together, rejoice today in knowing that someone born on this day, who wears this number, will be making this much money per year for the next twelve years.  That’s over a decade for Reebok to find one male fitness commercial model who’s half as… Crosby as Sid.  (Good luck.)  And maybe a pair of sunglasses for the guy.

It’s Intern Jeff Skinner’s birthday!!

Jeff turns 20 today, so he’ll be doing… exactly what he does every other day.  Drinking a gallon of milk, giving up his seat on the Metro and buying Girl Scout cookies.  Sorry Skinns, we can Party in the USA next year.

Definitely invited.

Oh heck, we’re inviting everyone.

You told EVERYBODY?!

It’s going to have a prom theme, for all the ones Jeff didn’t get to go too.

Not funny, guys!

We promise, no figure skating jokes and Eric is going to buy the beer.

This is sounding better.

So have a good summer, Jeff…

What’s that saying? Bend and snap?

And maybe at 20 you won’t be quite so – oh, forget it.  We love it when you’re horribly embarrassed with Nealer and Stamkos laughing in the background.