The Kids Would Be Proud

Once upon a time there was an All-Star Weekend that reminded me how much I love hockey.  Well, that happens every year. But this weekend, like so much of this season, I didn’t actually get to watch anything. GAH! What follows is the best I was able to mash up from Twitter and my imagination… except I couldn’t make this up:

It was someone’s job to walk behind John Tavares and hold a sign that said “John Tavares.”

I demand to see your qualifications.

I demand to see your qualifications.


This is so obviously the job for me that I’m just putting it on my resume, because it makes no sense that I wasn’t the one to do it. Here’s the red carpet video.


Gives new meaning to “Climb the ladder at work.”


I could also have held the “PLAID SUIT!” sign, people.

They don't call him "Stammer" for nothing.

They don’t call him “Stammer” for nothing.


Then, let me just get this out of the way:

Squad goals.

Squad goals.

And by “this”, I mean my dead body, fallen to the ground, blocking everyone’s commute into DC. Look at these guys! Look at John’s hair! My enjoyment of this photo is the way a tween feels on the day a new One Direction album drops. I don’t Snapchat, but if I did, I would express this with the “throwing up rainbows” filter.

If this were The Hangover, Tavares would end up with the tattoo on his face. Take care of him!

Hockey clubs can't even handle me right now.

Hockey clubs can’t even handle me right now.

Obviously the big story of the weekend was John Scott auditioning to play himself in the Disney remake of Goon. He not only went to Nashville, apprently against the NHL’s wishes, he owned the weekend. His kids and goals and his MVP award are all the things we love about sports. Perseverance, faith and, hey, talent (!) delivered with a smile that thanked most people and told some others to kiss his ass.

Proudest fan club.

Proudest fan club.

The support of so many players and teams for Scott’s efforts was also spectacular. Sportsmanship, alive and well! This is what sports should teach kids: not that everybody wins, or gets a trophy for showing up, but that life can be tough – and you can be tougher.  Scott goes, for now, back to the AHL. Fate awaits. But for that moment, when someone said he couldn’t, John Scott did anyway. Bravo, sir.

This is the moment, tonight is the night...

This is the moment, tonight is the night…

In other highlights, PK Subban topped the moment he wore Intern Jeff Skinner’s jersey with a costume so perfect I can’t believe I’ve never worn it on Halloween. (No wig required.)

And PK looks good with long hair. Is that weird? Nah. These rest of the weekend PK dressed and acted like a million bucks-slash-his regular self. He even does a purple suit and fedora with a minimum of pimp-ness. How?

Most popular man on campus

Most popular man on campus

In the weekend’s other best piece of performance art, Brent Burns appeared as the fictionalized version of himself.

"Where my boyfriend?" - Maz Kanata

“Where my boyfriend?” – Maz Kanata

Plus he brought a litle Ewok.

Anyone else's biological clock ticking like a bomb?

Biological clocks ticking so loudly, someone called the Bomb Squad.

Burns’ teammate and Former Foxy Friday Joe Pavelski also brought his son, and Minis Pavelski and Burns scored a goal in the breakaway competition. That drop pass would make any goalie disappear.

Jeez, Pavelski looks good. Sorry Chuck, but I think Joe Thornton turned out to be the Prince William in this family, and all of a sudden Prince  Harry (ginger power! ) is like woah.

Do you know the way to San Jose?

Do you know the way to San Jose?

Other important stories:

Claude Giroux is hot.

Yes, you heard me right.


May I be struck down by the Penguins Zamboni for continuing to think this, but….

This must be how Liam feels about Miley and I don't understand that either.

This must be how Liam feels about Miley and I don’t understand that either.

Probably driving the Penguins Zamboni of Shame would be Malkin, with James Neal uselessly shouting directions in English. Their little reunion this weekend makes me really want a TARDIS. [Video]

Geno is also the person on Earth whom I would most like to hug. He feels the way I feel after a long day of doing PR. (Too bad it’s actually my job.)

Bonus Crosby, who is so mad/shocked I just said I wanted to hug Geno more.

Bonus Crosby, smizing through his shock that I just said I wanted to hug Geno more.

Meanwhile, Neal (:: sans gingerbeard :: why :: sobs ::) heard what I said Friday about Dierks Bentley and “everyone loves tight jeans”, and he delivered! Video of them skating together in the breakaway challenge here.

I know what I was feeling, "but...."

I know what I was feeling….

Also, James does not have the best hair on the Preds. There is simply no competing with Roman Josi,

There's something about Josi.

There’s something about Josi.

Matt Duchene made his debut as a second-career country star. I hope this is an available search criteria on (100% real website). Matt also were a cowboy hat and used hashtags #mullett and #yeehaw this weekend, so if music doesn’t work out, he could always blog for us! [Performance Video]

Tyler Seguin swore on TV, then apologized to Canada.

Then he made it up to the whole world simply by having been born 24 years ago that same day and thus contributing this to humankind.

Something for everyone.

Something for everyone.

I was going to say “mankind”, which is casually and confusingly misogynistic. Then I was going to say “womankind”, which is sexist because I have to believe guys appreciate a supernova just as much.

I didn’t hear much about Jamie Benn this weekend. Even if he did nothing but stand around and look like Jamie Benn, it’s more than I do all day.

"What should we do tonight, Tyler?" "Same thing we do every night, Jamie. Try to take over the world."

“What should we do tonight, Tyler?” “Same thing we do every night, Jamie. Try to take over the world.”

(Jamie and Tyler were the only hockey players to make the Forbes list of 30 Under 30: Sports, reminding you they are 1) awesome and 2) practically still jailbait.)

Speaking of jailbait, Aaron Ekblad continues to defy human evolution by appearing to be a good idea. His beard is so Max Talbot, right? Again, right-but-wrong. Should we just call him #rightbutwrong from now on? Done.

What's wrong with being confident?

What’s wrong with being confident?

Then he posted a photo from his hotel room and (we assume) Nashville sold out of binoculars and protractors as people tried to figure out which window to look in.

Dylan Larkin, who is 9 years old (okay, 19), submitted his application to be our new intern by skating the fastest lap in NHL ASG history. Hey, we were spry at 19 too! (Lies.) But we like this kid, and not just because he can pass notes to Mike Green for us.

Freshman flash

Freshman flash

I could go on all day – I nearly have, since it’s noon and all my emails are unread! I hope you enjoyed this and the ASG weekend. Just doing this post has given me all the feelings.

Live shot of my office.

Live shot of my office.


Bring on the second half of the season!  (Now, if something could excite the Penguins, we’d be in business.)

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Leave a Reply

  1. S Trujillo Reply

    Thanks for accepting the intern application for Larkin! His little face was so happy the entire weekend that I couldn’t NOT reward him.

  2. So many glorious thoughts. John Scott just made my entire weekend honestly. So awesome. And, as always, all the Geno hugs.

  3. Cassy Reply

    Chuck – Chuck? Pants didn’t mention Bergy! I am THROWING DOWN girlfriend!

    And we need a new intern? We do? Where’s Intern Jeff Skinner? He hasn’t got a second job has he?

    PS great post and I liked the Renner gif at the end.

  4. Cortland Reply

    From the John Scott story too all those happy, smiling faces with fabulous haircuts I was completely and thoroughly touched and entertained! This weekend in a nutshell is why I love hockey…and the boys who play it 😀

  5. “Speaking of jailbait, Aaron Ekblad continues to defy human evolution by appearing to be a good idea.” Never truer words were spoken.

  6. Fatema Reply

    Geno looked SOO adorable. I watching it on CBC so I will quote Tyler Seguin: “Sorry for swearing Canada” They all looked dashing I must say. All-Star game was amazing. 3-on-3 should be continued in the future games.So happy for John Scott. He absolutely deserves it.